Sunday, 7 October 2012

X Factor: the results

After watching professional killjoy Gary Barlow slating Geri Halliwell on Jonathan Ross last night, I think he's even more of a bitter old shrew than I'd previously given him credit for. What a prick.
It's so cheesy when they do this joint song at the start. Rylan sang the line in his song better Jahmene. Fact. James has lost his quiff, I see. He must have found his integrity down the back of the sofa.
Leona Lewis, 20 million records sold; still the dullest popstar on the planet. Having said that, I could think of a few hundred popstars I'd rather seen punched in the face. Leona has come dressed as a wizard and is singing one of the most turgid songs I've ever heard. It doesn't even have a chorus.
Ne-yo sounds like he's mumbling. He's hiding under his hat, presumably because he's ashamed. I'd rather listen to Castles in Sky than this shit.
James not holding hands with Rylan as they came on the stage for the results, I noticed. Yay, James is through. MK1 celebrated going through with a 'brap brap brap.' Ugh, Melanie is through. Bollocks. I can't believe Rylan is in the bottom two. This show will be a zillion times less watchable without him.
Rylan is doing some gay anthem in the sing off. It's like something they'd listen to in the nightclub on Queer as Folk. He's struggling with the low notes a bit. Nicole's enjoying it, though.
Carolynne is completely dispensable in my book. If I have to keep hearing her singing country each week instead of seeing Rylan camping it up I'll be apoplectic. She is singing well, but I'd still rather watch paint dry. Aw, that hug they had was so nice.
I actually want to punch Gary Barlow right now. He's such a fucking cunt. Why does he have to be so rude to Rylan all the time *homophobe*
Dermot is getting all mad with Louis, lol. 'Louis - now!' Ha, Louis said the wrong name! Ooh, that was dramatic. That must have been horrible for Carolynne, she took it very well. That's a shitstorm right there. Gary Barlow is an absolute disgrace walking off because he didn't get his own way - we laughed our arses off. Simply heartwarming TV. Shouldn't he be onstage comforting his act? He's having a tantrum like someone's took his cookie off him.
Here's why you lost Carolynne, Gary, because THE PUBLIC LIKE RYLAN MORE. It's not the Gary Barlow Factor, it's the X Factor. The fact is, Carolynne should never have gone through in the first place.
They should sack Gary Barlow for being unprofessional. I want to see him back on his uppers, smoking spliffs and fat as a house.
PS: Just turned over to Xtra Factor and saw Gary Barlow had crawled back, but was rocking in his chair like he was waiting for his meds. Tosser.

No comments: