Saturday, 26 May 2012

The Voice: Dope on a rope

Evening all! I'm a bit under the cosh tonight as I'm writing this blog and then dashing off to a Eurovision party, which I'll be blogging as ever. Because what you want after three hours of Eurovision is to relive it all, right?
But anyway, on with The Voice. So tonight we decide who to evict (sorry, save). Holly's new catchphrase is clearly 'it's not easy'. Well, it can't be, having Cheryl coming up - singing live.
Ruth! I so don't care. Does anyone? I think we might find out tonight that they don't, despite all the praise heaped on her. Stop blowing smoke up her arse, Danny. Dead dad. Sob story vote! Boo. Underhand tactics.
LOL to having his Olympic torch with him. I bet Jessie J is seething, he's not even from the UK and he was asked. Why, I have no idea. But he was asked and she wasn't, that's the point. Actually, I saw Wills on Alan Carr last night and he was quite good. I am warming to old Will, yes I am.
Jessie saying Vince was cheesy last week. Funny, she didn't mention it in her comments after he sang. I wonder why? Oh and now she's lost her voice. What a SHAME. How will we cope without her words of wisdom?
Ooh, Vince is whipping it right from under Tyler's nose by singing Back to Black. This is the only Amy Winehouse song I like - but it's a bloody good one. That video is ace. He's not singing it very well, though.
Song choice is very important! Tell that to Gary 'it's not a song choosing competition' Barlow on ITV. The comments are so useless and unhelpful they might as well not bother. Not EVERYONE can make it to the final.
Will: dope. Check. Twitter. Check.
Jessie: 'I'm always honest.' No. Also, stop going on about 'artists', it makes me cringe. You have to prove yourself to be an artist; talent show contestants are not artists; well, except Bo Bruce *biased!*
Max is doing a mournful version of Every Breath You Take. Bye, Max. Max is so bland even his mother sometimes forgets what he looks like.
Will: 'I don't want to say anything that influences anything'. I think you're in the wrong job on here, then. At least he's saying something vaguely critical. LOL, you were flat. Bad luck, Max. That was un-dope. I just noticed Max's beard. Dear Lord.
Jessie J: 'Artists, artists, artists.' Fuck off.
Peter Andre (sorry, Danny) thought it was brill. I wonder if that's cos Max is his act? 'You're like a young Sting.' Gordon, then.
Jaz is doing Let it Be. I can play that on the keyboard. That and Oh When the Saints. That's the full extent of my repertoire. I think Jessie J is becoming more monotone than Jordan. She's so repetitive, too. 'Riffs and trills?' Oh, please stick it. Jaz bores be stiff. He should be on American Idol, doing songs from 40 years ago.
Will just said 'you can't climax at a climax' and no one even laughed.
Leanne is lovely, but like Jaz, she's on the wrong show. It's just too old fashioned for my taste. Her voice is good, though.

Becky is good, I hope she doesn't have a meltdown tonight. I don't like this song she's singing much, it's quite dreary and she sounds a bit off. Jessie J looked shocked when he said he didn't know the song; I don't either, plus it was shit.
Haha, I was going to write Jessie J just made it through a comment without using the word 'artist' but then she said it. She's more predictable than Louis Walsh, and that's saying something.
Danny: 'every time Bo opens her mouth angels fly out.' That must be quite inconvenient when you're trying to order a McDonalds.
Oh don't do a sob story for Bo, she doesn't need it. She doesn't need to beg for 'acceptance' from the masses. She's doing Charlie Brown by Coldplay. What the hell is that? She should have done The Hardest Part, that's the best Coldplay song ever. Did she miss her intro? Maybe she should have done a better known Coldplay song. She seems a bit lacklustre this week. Oh, no, I really don't want her to go. If she does, I'm resting the blame solely on Chris Martin. That song wasn't quite right for her voice. Eek.
Jessie doesn't want to heap too much praise on Bo, in case her obvious favourite Vince goes out. Danny is right: Bo is the most individual ARTIST in the show. I hope what Will says comes true and she does make it. She deserves to.
Tyler's doing Bohemian Rhapsody. Oh, he's not dredging up poor Amy again is he? As if she doesn't have enough to deal with in that grave with Mitch constantly stoking at the soil.
Nice suit! Looks like the one Alan Carr was wearing last night. Oh God, this is going to be really bad. I hope he does the really fast bit. At least its BoRap in 30 seconds. The worst is when someone picks this shit on karaoke. Ha, he is doing this bit. This is camper than anything we'll see on Eurovision tonight. Never has 'spare me from this monstrosity' seemed more apt.
Oh, that's it. Just Cheryl to go.But I can't comment as I'm running out the door! I'll comment at the start of Eurovision. What a cliffhanger.
Please save Bo...
OK I haven't got time to read this through cos my cab is here, so if there are typos, please forgive me. I know not what I done. See you in a few hours after Eurovision. God knows what state I'll be in by then.

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