Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Documentary: Britain's Fattest Man

I always have to check how to spell Britain. Is this normal? I can't sleep so might as well stay up and watch this, as by tomorrow it will be ye olde news. In fact, it's probably old news now. I can't keep up with all the Twitter folk. It's like I'm writing this on parchment. Hey ho.
Firstly, let me say I can relate to this 70 stone guy. Because I went to go swimming after work today, stood on a 73 bus for about 25 minutes as it sat in one spot, and then got off and got a McDonalds. So I know how he feels. Luckily, I can still see my toes (for now).
I can't work out what is going on with this guy's rolls of fat. He has a roll of fat coming off his leg that is about twice as big as my head, and it's not his leg, or his stomach. What is it? It's fucking frightening, that's what.
How come someone comes in and looks after you when you eat yourself almost to death? I suppose there's no choice, really, what else can they do, just leave you to rot?
His face doesn't look that fat, oddly. He must eat CONSTANTLY. You must have to put in the spadework to get that fat. I eat junk three times a day and I've only got the one roll of fat. Right?
Who is bringing him crisps?! Who is bringing him white bread and butter? He was eating 20,000 calories a day! Fuck.
30 to 40 chocolate bars a day?! I don't think that can be true, but look at him.
Oh god, seeing him rolling there naked like a jellyfish, being sponged down as if he's a particularly unattractive car is just too much. He can just sit naked and it's not indecent because his genitals are just buried under layers of fat.
Christ, he's been turned down for stomach stapling. I doubt if they could find it. And I'm not being flippant. I'm starting to think I should have gone swimming after all!
Ugh, the op they're going to give him means he has half a chance of dying. I can't believe they can put someone that big under anaesthetic. It's unreal.
OMG he can't go toilet. That was what stopped him eating so much. Wow, is that what it takes?
He can't lose the weight because he doesn't move and burn off calories. Fuck.
It's weird that he wasn't even a fat kid. You'd imagine it would be a gradual thing from childhood. Interesting that he ended up caring for his mother, and now needs caring for himself.
He re-mortgaged his mum's house and spent ten grand on food and his sisters stopped speaking to him. Wow. Oh my god, this is too sad. He has no friends and no family.
They are putting a new table in to do the op because his 'tummy apron' is too big. Can you imagine the humiliation? Can you? Can you really? This is real-life horror.
Christ, they can't put him in a helicopter! Who's going to volunteer to fly that fucker?
I guess it's cheaper for the NHS to have a 50/50 chance of killing him than paying 100K for his care each year, right? I bet they do weight it up like that (I should be writing for The Sun).
OMG they are worried that the NHS floor can't hold him! But they weighed him and he was 'only' 56 stone. Lightweight.
Will someone take that toast off him! Give him a carrot, ffs. He didn't seem very interested in the fresh air. He hasn't been outside in years!
They're installing metal supports in the hospital. Bet he's glad he's not American and having to pay for all this.
I want to go on that 500 calorie a day jelly diet. A little 'piece' of his body looks flatter. But what is that piece? What's it called? It's like magic producing new body parts. This programme is making me feel scared shitless. I really hope he doesn't die at the end.
Don't look at the operation! Fuck me, how did he survive that?
Christ social services rang him whilst he was still in his hospital bed recovering to tell him they're taking his carer off him! FFS she's like his only friend. Evil cunts. They did just do it to save money. They're probably weeping because he didn't die. That is pure mental cruelty.
So at the end he'd lost 18 stone. He still looked fucking huge. They took his carer off him, and I'm surprised he coped with that. From being with someone 12 hours a day to having them gone is totally wrong.
At the end he stood up for the first time in two years. And then they did another op to make him able to walk by removing the massive lump of fat from his thighs. That piece of skin alone was one and a half stone. Wow. They even had to reset his legs to make them the right way round to walk.
He did actually look a lot smaller at the end, and lost 21 stone. I just want to lose two!
PS: if you're his sisters, why not try picking up the phone to him now?

1 comment:

Ossian said...

didn't watch it. only saw the trailer and couldn't work out what was what. if he was a dog, whoever feeds him would get jail for cruelty. he can't move so how can he get 20 chocolate bars, just don't give them to him. he'll have to lose the weight to be able to get to the shop himself.