Monday, 6 December 2010

Soap & Gory: Tram-a-lolz

Soap bloodbath! Gotta be due a blog.
Funny; I've never seen those trams trundling over Coronation Street. CGI trams! They should have just had the street hit by an asteroid instead, it's more fun. I mean they had ghosts in it last month- it's not so big a leap.
Molly is catching the tram! I don't think anyone in the history of the Street has ever caught that tram before. Oh, because it wasn't there.
I actually don't know who's going to die; except that Ashley and Claire might, which is fine by me.
The picture looks different; I think they're shooting it with a different kind of camera. HD? Everything looks a bit yellow. Mind you, my mum did give me some codeine earlier.
What's going on with Leanne's hair? She looks like My Little Pony. She must have some tasty sugarlumps, she's very much in demand.
Molly is a hard-(potato)faced one. Poor old Tyrone. Please let this storyline come on top this week, they've been dragging it out almost as long as an Eastenders storyline.
Hope Carla doesn't die! She's my favourite character. I'm still mourning the loss of Tony Gordon.
This storyline with John Stape and Charlotte blows. Hope he dies.
Are those gunshot wounds all over Sean's shirt? No? Shame.
Not interested in Lloyd's (non) girlfriend and her ex. When are the explosions going to start?
It's times like this, when Nicky Platt is on screen, I pine for Madame Rickitt. This 2nd dude is such a shit actor. Did you see him on the faux Jeremy Kyle show? David Platt acted him off the stage.
What could there be possibly left for Tyrone to see in Molly? I preferred her when she was fat and nice. 'You made me tell you'. Cruel.
NEXT: fire! Screaming! We could have done with a bit of that in the first episode, I think.
Oh, well, Eastenders never disappoints (!)
Let's have a fantasy tram crash for Eastenders. In fact, it would be quicker to name who to keep: Max, Phil, Christian, Syed, Dot, Shirley, Tamwar. They can all be hiding in the launderette when the bomb drops.
Actually, forget the crash. For the firing squad: Alfie and Kat. Buried alive: Janine, Ryan and Stacey (oh and Stacey's mum, they'll enjoy that). Beaten to death with a baseball bat: Billy, Ian and Jay. Drowned like kittens in a bag: Glenda, 'skidmark' woman and Zainab.
Why is everyone under the illusion Ryan is good-looking? He's dull as fuck, and looks a bit like a chimp, but not enough to be appealing. He's hardly the new Dennis, is he? Casting directors: please try harder.
Lily's 'records' just appear to be blank pieces of paper; well done props department. Ah, they were busy making Whitney's 'brap' T-shirts. Spare me.
WTF is going on with Phil, Jay and Carol's bit of stuff? Actually, I'm not interested.
Stacey's wallpaper is horrific. No wonder she went mental.
CORRIE! CORRIE! CORRIE! Bring on the (fire) wall.
Fuck this build-up, get on with it. The Tyrone and Molly thing should be massive. Now it's just like a bit of comedy filler with Janice.
Don't be sexist, Tyrone, have some decorum.
That doctor looks like Liam (RIP). Come on, bring on the dis-Joinery.
The hammer attack was quite good (and gory). Wacky camera angles, too.
It strikes me that Becky's not that good a guardian to that Max; she's lost him twice in a week.
Pissed off with this episode; it's all just flim flam. Bring on the rubble! Come come nuclear bomb.
LOL, well that was good for the last five minutes. Final Dev-stanation! So why did The Joinery just blow up? Ken seemed almost non-plussed 'that's my son in there'. The actually tram coming through was funny as fuck. They probably spent about 100K on special effects that bad. Exciting, though! I really wanted to see that sweetie jar fall on Rita's head. So I'm guessing Molly's dead, which will leave Kevin to bring up the baby. Hope Peter Barlow survives.
That ITN news 'live from the street' sounds like a great idea for the mentally ill. Disturbing!

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