The X Factor: Will.you.fuck.off

Four glorious warriors, according to Dermot. I make it nine mediocre singers.
Alexandra Burke is one lucky SOB because she would never have won it this year. I think she needs to reinvestigate getting a fringe, as she's looking a bit Ant McPartlin.
She's flying! Who does she think she is, Jesus Christ? We need Jarvis Cocker to sort this uppity bitch out. Rubbish song, too.
Where's the medley by the contestants? I don't get this Glee thing. It feels like their mics broke for about 30 seconds in the middle of that song. It seemed like no one was singing for a very long time. I don't know anything about Glee except that one in the wheelchair is not really in a wheelchair, and they should have given that job to an actor in a wheelchair. They all look fucking punchable. Lord, what a racket.
Louis and Dannii sneaking back from a cheeky... what?! They don't smoke.
I think the Black Eyes Peas might be one of my most hated bands of all time. Every single song they have sets my teeth on edge.
OMG- is this actually happening? I actually lost the power of speech for a minute there. This sample does not go with this other song. The whole thing is so utterly tuneless, it's melting my brain. I feel like I just took some really bad drugs; like hammers and spanners bad.
Anyway, enough of that self-indulgent old clap trap. On with the results (!)
LOL to Simon's face when One Direction went through.
Boo, wish it was Cher who was safe. Cher should do 'I am what I am'. Or 'I am whatever you say I am'. One or the other.
Mary's got to go. I think she's ready to roll. She seemed confident. I think she's done her best, but no megastar want to team up with her next week. Who would they get, Michael Buble?
Why is Cher doing Britney? That's not very gangsta. She looks like she's blubbing. This sounds like a ballad to me- she poo-pooed ballads yesterday. This song blows. bless her, though, she's like a little sparrow.
Louis, who is the act you're SENDING THROUGH TO THE FINAL, FFS. Don't you understand English? Mind you, why change the rules at this stage. It makes no sense.
Simon will save Cher, I'm sure. And so it was.
I'm sure there's not normally four in the final. Cher FTW.