Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Archives of Pain: The Dark Side of Fame with Piers Morgan- Jim Davidson

This is my new excuse for blogging ancient things, I'm dressing it up as a revival, something cool, retro, innit! Basically, there's fuck all on telly at the moment, so I'm just downloading random things of interest off the box. Even if you didn't see it, you know Jim Davidson, and you probably don't like him, so let's just get stuck in, shall we?
Probably one of the only people more loathsome than Piers himself, just the words 'Jim Davidson' are enough to anger me. Piers declared JD was once 'the funniest man on television'. Christ!
I covered the whole Hell's kitchen/ Brian hate at the time, but the 'a lot of shirtlifters have the same face' comment still causes a gut reaction of utter horror.
Jim Davidson saying 'what one does...' is a bit of a joke. Oh look, he's got glasses on, he's an intellectual... not.
The way he talks, you think he'd been brought up in the 1900s, like black people were a foreign species.
URGH! His wife-beating defence; 'I was with her for three months and she accused me of battering her, I was with my other wife for 30 years and there was not one allegation'. So fucking what? It only takes ONE time, one occasion, you only need to murder someone once to be a murderer. And notice the use of the wording; 'there was not one allegation', not 'I didn't do it.' He didn't say he didn't do it. Not that people can't change; but not people who duck and dive questions like that. He directly avoided answering the question. Guilty!
Just when you thought he couldn't be any more grossly offensive...
Piers: 'How do black people react to you?' Jim: 'which ones, British ones, or the ones over here giving out parking tickets? Just when we got to like black people they made them fucking traffic wardens.' Fucking hell. The hate is ingrained deeply in this man. It's not 'perception', Jim, you ARE full of hate.
Oh my God! Piers: 'Are you proud to be a sexist?' Jim: 'Yes I please guilty, I don't like them.' Them! Then he said, 'Jethro tells a great joke- why do doctors smack babies on the arse; to knock the cocks off the stupid ones.' And goes on to say he thinks there's a lot to be said for that joke. That joke makes no fucking sense, anatomically or otherwise. Do you hate your own daughter, you stupid cunt? And you're calling ME stupid? Fucking hell. I'd rather be dead than be as stupid as you.
Also, you're not BORN an alcoholic, as he suggested. But you ARE born gay, so why don't you leave gay people alone, you pig-faced prick?
Oh my god, he had an affair on his FOURTH wife, and has the audacity to say 'that was the man who ended their family life' about the journalist who told his kids about it. 'How do they sleep when they split up that family of mine?' Very easily I would have thought! IT'S YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU DID IT! Typical wife-beater, typical alcoholic, everyone to blame but himself. Absolutely disgusting, sickening, tragic. And not ALL men cheat, as he claims. Some men do. Some don't.
Oh christ; on the Brian Dowling thing, he has this to say: 'he might be gay, poof, shirtlifter, sausage jockey, whatever, it wasn't the fact he was gay, it was the fact he was an arsehole.' No he wasn't. He was one of the best loved Big Brother contestants of all time, a genuinely decent person and peculiarly, my boyfriend is still obsessed with him (and The Mint, I know, it's very sad).
Jim: 'It's not offensive to the gay people I know'; you don't know any fucking gay people, you cunt, because they wouldn't come within five hundred miles of you! 'It was only offensive because he wanted it to be offensive'- bullshit! I was seriously fucking offended. Friends were texting, upset about it at the time. It was DISGUSTING. Only 300 complaints? That's shocking in itself. The roof should have been blown off Offcom.
If Jim Davidson's son came home and said he was gay he said he'd say 'how can I help you?' Probably by dragging him off to the local evangelical Christians for some electric shock therapy, I would have thought.
Whoever that one was at the end who said 'he's like a masochist and enjoying it' is right. Davidson enjoys being hated. So let's indulge him.
Piers; you were too creepy towards him. But what's new. You are the media he was moaning about. You just sat there and took it. Dur. Go wank off over Britain's Got Talent instead, you puffy-faced gimpaloid.
Jim Davidson; another thing from the 80s to put in the dustbin.


Chris Stokes said...

Superlative post. There's nothing I can really add. I did once hear Jim Davidson, when interviewed for the '100 Greatest Stand Ups' thing say, "I take the bigoted, right-wing view." And why didn't he like Jo Brand? "Fat, leftie, female cunt."

Chris Stokes said...

Thought this would, if not interest you, really irk you;


lightupvirginmary said...

Hey Chris, that looks like a pretty interesting show, I'll have to try and find it and blog it!
It just annoys me anyone is still paying him for anything (except to fuck off somewhere!)

SteveShark said...

OK, I'm a bit late to this, but you really have hit the nail on the head with this utter cunt.
I wouldn't piss on the fucker if he was on fire.
A total fucking waste of primate DNA.