Wednesday, 25 March 2009

The Apprentice: Rough Tough Cream Puff (what?)

Why is Alan Sugar being such a dick in interviews at the mo? Boo-hoo people think I'm nasty! Big wows. Don't be a baby, Mrs Tiggywinkle.
The Apprentice gets on my nerves a bit (still). It reminds me of work (still). The cocky things they say at the start just seem contrived now.
Alan's opening gambit: 'I know the words to Candle in the Wind.. don't make me Elton John, right?' Sing us a bit then. Prove it.
Alan: 'You lot are as easy to play as bongo drums'. Alan, you've clearly never been to Whirl-y-Gig or you'd know, playing bongos is very difficult indeed; why else would it always be SO out of time with the music (oh, cos they're all fucked off their heads). Either way, bad analogy.
Argh; the blonde went 'don't see me as a dumb blonde'. It's not the fucking 1980s, love! You don't have to defend your hair colour. Alan's not going to walk past and slap you on the arse. She has one of THOSE voices, too, like she's going to patronise you to death.
I liked the American's idea of calling the group 'Shazam'. The men called their group 'Empire'. They should have just called it 'Viagra'. The women eventually went for 'Ignite'.
I found the task tiresome. It's really boring. It's all about laughing at a. the deluded people or b. Alan in the boardroom. I don't really care about the rest. It's like Extreme Makeover, you may as well just watch the first and last ten minutes. I know everyone loves this show, but it just doesn't quite do it for me. I think it needs at least three weeks to bed in as well.
The new flat is very nice. It's all a bit America's Next Top Model. They should have a giant pic of Alan on the wall giving it fierce.
Deborah, why shouldn't we fire you? 'head above the parapet... under the radar...step up to the plate...' And a 'I'm not that kind of person...' for good measure. DIE! DIE! DIE! She's not a person, she's a fucking cliche Jack-in-the-Box!
To be honest... at the end of the day... you're fired. Blah.


Ossian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Neil said...

Joe Cornish compared The Apprentice to The Generation Game on the radio this morning and I see his point.

The men ought to call their team 'Massive Cocks', I think. It would be both aspirational and descriptive.

Jacinta said...

Did you read CB's review in the Guardian the other day??

Ossian said...

once again this year, no amount of money, not even obama's entire trillion zillion bailout could pay me to stay one night in that prison with that lot of gobshites.

that said, i'm falling for Mona, (Monna?) not just because Willesden Herald's agony aunt is called Dear Mona, and even though she said the stupidest thing in the whole show (quite a feat) when she called the prospective customer a liar about prices.

there's a whole cultural thing you can see going on. the preposterous-looking genious with the beard who thought it was hilarious to say he'd get his wife in to do the cleaning and who was so timid about "being beaten by ladies". give us a break.