Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Freaky Eaters: The Return!

Here's the news: when people call you bubbly, it's not a compliment. It means you're fat.
They have new presenters now; good, the old ones were really intimidating and weird. The new ones are more kid's TV and bearable.
Tonights subject Nikita was addicted to burgers and bacon; mmm, dead flesh. Her mum said 'you hair has gone stringy from your diet'; no that's just a bad bleach job, love (I should know, I have one!) Then her partner of 11 years said he was going to leave her 'if things didn't change'- aw.
Mmm, the dead pigs hanging up were a nice touch. The statistics of her eating in a year were: 300 rashers of bacon, 1875 slices of bread, 200 cans of beans and sausages, 60KGs of chips and 250 beefburgers. What a waste of food to have that all splodged all over the place just to prove a point. There are people starving in the world you know (believe me, I do).
As usual, I could relate to the poor unfortunate freak, especially in the psychologist's chair, because I am one. Recently I had counselling about my own eating disorder and it was very obviously linked to me needing things to be safe, familiar and heavily controlled by me. Sadly I only had 6 sessions and she told me I needed a year or two with a decent psychotherapist. So my stupidness lingers on.
I felt physically sick when she ate that tomato and cucumber together. Tomatoes have runny stuff in them! Eek! *childish*
What was that bit where they tried to force her to have a conversation with a stranger about? I'd run screaming if they did that to me.
Then she tried natural yoghurt. Yes, the smell is familiar from the LAST TIME YOU HAD THRUSH. Who would EAT THAT??? It makes me want to cower in a corner.
Oh my God, I don't want to get gout. I had a swollen ankle the other week! Panic stations!
Ooh, the nutrition guy said 'schizm'. That was sad when the burger and sausages girl's mum said she was still harking back for the old Nikita. My mum will get the lightupvirginmary she is given. It's her bloody fault I'm nutritionally inept! (It's not actually; I'm a grown woman and need to get a grip)
It was telling when she went out for Tapas and just didn't like anything. That's how I feel; I just DON'T like anything. And also, I wouldn't eat in public like that if you paid me. Even less so with a TV camera down my mush.
That was both cruel and embarrassing when they made her sing; I used to do gymnastics when I was 9, but it doesn't mean I want some pushy gimp to stick me in a leotard and tell me that's when I was most happy.
Do you think I'm getting my own issues mixed up with the programme much? I thought her boyfriend was a little hard on her; but I guess you do get sick of it after 11 years. I'm definitely sick of it after 25-odd (I actually ate OK up until I was 3).
How fucking scary is the end bit of that show, where you're forced to eat a whole mean, with everyone piling on the pressure and a camera in your face? I'd rather run naked down the street than put up with that shit. She was BRAVE. Harry Hill may laugh (and I do too) but it's fucking hard being nutritionally retarded. It's a social and logistical nightmare that never ends. And it is all just in your head; but so's anorexia, and that kills people regularly. People say 'why cant they just eat?' or 'why can't you just try something?' But it's just a mental headfuck. It's just something hard to understand and easy to mock.
And then her boyfriend was like 'I think deep down you're enjoying it, you're just unsure, push on.' Don't tell her what she does and doesn't like. It's not her tongue's fault it tastes funny, it's her BRAIN.
I guarantee she'll be mainlining tins of burgers and sausages within two weeks. No one would put themselves through that hell every mealtime. It must take years to undo the damage. I think I'll probably just take the heart attack/ diabetes/ high cholesterol. I'd rather die of that crap than get Alzheimers for twenty years.
Low energy... always ill... yes, that does sound like me. And I have stringy hair. But don't you dare call me bubbly!

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