Which vulture do you hate the least? That's what it comes down to, isn't it.
Sheryl Gascoigne must have been certifiably insane to take him back. She only needs to look in a mirror to see what has become of a life with that man. She looks hard-faced and drawn, utterly joyless. What was her motivation for taking him back? What was any of their motivation for filming the whole fucking car crash?
He looks like he has a terminal illness; which really, he does. A self-inflicted one.
How funny that Gazza's son hates football. He probably just hates it because he hates his father.
I can't stand drunks; and I remember very well the pictures of Sheryl after he beat the shit out of her. He never deserved a second chance under any circumstances, years later or otherwise.
It was gross to see the way he treated his children. Sheryl was irresponsible even having him in the house, in my opinion, it's too damaging on everyone's psyche. She should not have let him back into her life, she's living in fairlyland if she thinks he'll ever change. I was totally on the youngest kid's side; he had absolutely washed his hands of him and he was absolutely right. Gazza doesn't give a fuck about them, so why waste your energy?
Dear God, let me never find myself sobbing watching my wedding video. Portentious words spoken by Gazza; 'I'm very proud of her for having the guts to marry me, she must be mad.' Quite.
How many times are you going to let someone punch you, let you down, hang up on you? It's sad to be a victim. It's sad he's made his family that. But really; they should have cut their losses long before. I don't believe 'blood is thicker than water'. If people treat you like shit; fuck them. You don't owe anyone anything because you share a last name. It's not right to terrorise your family. The drama just gets tiring after a while. Sheryl is on a guilt trip but she's going to fuck her kids up in the process, especially the little one, because he'll lose respect for her in the end as well.
Her kids should have been more supportive when she finally said enough is enough. If that was my mum I would have begged her never to contact him again. What about HER mental health? He's just a selfish drunk fuck. The problem with people like Gazza (and George Best before him) is that everywhere they go there's some moronic football fan ready to kiss their arse and buy them a drink. But that's still no excuse.
I can't believe the kid rang him up and he went 'who?' Fucking hell. I would have no more gone to Portugal for that intervention than I would have gone on holiday to Afghanistan. And that kid should have been kept out of it entirely. Experiences like that leave their mark.
Let him drink himself to death- just like Best. I'm not sorry. He had everything. The man is an idiot. Fuck him.
Monday, 5 January 2009
Celebrity Big Brother 2009: I have got a great arse
Ulrika feels like 'a man in drag' and Tina has a 'great arse and a great fanny.' Have I stepped into a parallel universe? What sort of person declares they have a great arse? You'd better be a fucking supermodel if you're going to come out with that shit. 'A body from Baywatch and a face from Crimewatch' isn't funny either. I hate people who quote insipid rubbish like that.Oddly, I've kind of warmed to La Toya. She seems more genuinely naive than her brother who was on it; often I felt like he was biting his tongue whereas she seems more plausabily innocent.
Mutya's not saying much, is she? The hatred in Terry's eyes for Coolio (who had a threesome when he was 12) was pretty clear. I'd be amazed if he didn't put him up. The only reason Tina hates Coolio is because he's as self-centred as she is, and he takes the focus off her.
Grotbags does look like the thing from Shrek, except the thing from Shrek is more attractive. Haha, and she knew all the lyrics to Gangsta's Paradise. Tragic.
I liked Ulrika's speech. She has the courage of her convictions; and that's admirable. Men have children left, right and centre (and leave them with their various mothers to bring up) and no one bats an eyelid, she's a target purely because she has a fanny.
Mutya sounded flat, but not as flat as Michelle Heaton. She made Chantelle seem like a legitimate girl band member. I could sing better than that. La Toya added to the feel of someone's sister singing into a hairbrush. The A5 fella was beyond parody. Lucy should have just got her boobs out rather than bored us with her kind of, views on politics, kind of. Zzzz. Get rid of her, Terry. Tommy shouty-man was also mega annoying. Be good to get rid of him too, sooner rather than later.
Ah, Terry nominated Lucy. Fair enough I suppose; having boobs isn't really a talent so much as a direct consequence of being female. So will go out of her and Ulrika-ka-ka? Both 'sex-positive' women, so I'm sure both will be equally hated by the throng. And in the meantime, Coolio goes on boasting about his conquests and no one says a word, because hey, that's his birthright.
Sigh.
Sunday, 4 January 2009
Celebrity Big Brother 2009: I'll wash my nuts in the sink
Yes, finally something to write about!
Urgh; well I was right about Tina, wasn't I? Talking about her fee; crass! What is Terry only got 30K after she said that was a pittance? How uncouth. Talking about her weight; zzz! She's 'anti-fat'? She don't look it. She lost 4 stone already? Shiiiiit. Calling herself a bird; pathetic! I hope she doesn't drag Terry Christian down with her. Even her own daughter said on BBLB she hoped that her mum would 'bite her tongue'.
Could there be a least useful housemate than Tommy? Like Brian Paddick in I'm a Celeb... he sucks the fun out of any given situation. Humour-voids r us. Watching him letch over Lucy wasn't great either.
Haha, Terry saying Coolio had a nightmare about the sales of his last album. Ulrika doesn't seem to like Coolio too much. I'm not sure if I do either.
Tina. 'You give out what you get back.' Oh, the old karma argument. How I love it. I guess Maddy Mcann's parents must have been some school bullies, hey? You dumbasses! Life is a series of random events which may end one day with you being splattered over a pavement, or splattered into a car window, or if you're really lucky, with the death of everyone you've ever known before the gradual rotting of all your bodily organs, including your FACE. So go shove your karma up your fucking arse with the fairies, and the ghosts, and God, and all of those fairytales that keep you warm at night. (soz, I'm in a bad mood; I've got tonsillitis again and spent half the day in casualty- poor me!)
Did Tina mention she'd lost weight? Did she mention she's doing alright for money now? Her and La Toya seemed like they were having a competition about who was the hardest done by, but neither of them were listening to a word the other was saying. So you both married abusive bastards? Did the karma fairy dish out those love matches for you? As a feminist I felt weirdly unmoved. I'll blame it on the Nurofen.
Tina ass-licking La Toya about Michael was as pathetic as it was transparent. I think (hope) Terry is onto her and won't let the Northern comraderie distort his vision. Her swearing is really too much as well; I know I like a bit of it, (in an artistic context- ha!) but I wouldn't f-and-blind in front of La Toya Jackson, because she seems too demure.
Interesting Terry put Ulrika up; I bet the producers are shitting themselves about that one. What is his motivation? I think he finds her a bit stand-offish. Maybe he sees her as competition? Maybe he heard about her pay packet for BB? I will leave my options open on that one.
If I had a choice between the FA Cup and hot water, I'd pick the FA Cup and I hate football, just cos it's something to do. You can wash in cold water! I frequently do in my flat. It's like a lucky dip if I get a hot bath or not. Why does that 'fat bird' (her words not mine) consider her shower so important? She physically repulsive anyway, and it's all to do with her manner, not her body size. Mmm, nice fag stash. Cough cough.
Ulrika's face looks a bit puffy. Why is she always wearing that coat? She was wearing a coat and scarf in bed last night. Oh dear; she might be cracking up already. Not a good sign. Bit disappointed that she's moaning already.
I liked Verne educating Coolio on Cockney rhyming slang. Hold up, what's a spooge? I need educating in reverse. He looked cute on the diary room chair. He seems quite pensive. I wonder what he thinks to everyone?
And that concludes my third blog of the day. I should be bed-ridden more often.
Urgh; well I was right about Tina, wasn't I? Talking about her fee; crass! What is Terry only got 30K after she said that was a pittance? How uncouth. Talking about her weight; zzz! She's 'anti-fat'? She don't look it. She lost 4 stone already? Shiiiiit. Calling herself a bird; pathetic! I hope she doesn't drag Terry Christian down with her. Even her own daughter said on BBLB she hoped that her mum would 'bite her tongue'.
Could there be a least useful housemate than Tommy? Like Brian Paddick in I'm a Celeb... he sucks the fun out of any given situation. Humour-voids r us. Watching him letch over Lucy wasn't great either.
Haha, Terry saying Coolio had a nightmare about the sales of his last album. Ulrika doesn't seem to like Coolio too much. I'm not sure if I do either.
Tina. 'You give out what you get back.' Oh, the old karma argument. How I love it. I guess Maddy Mcann's parents must have been some school bullies, hey? You dumbasses! Life is a series of random events which may end one day with you being splattered over a pavement, or splattered into a car window, or if you're really lucky, with the death of everyone you've ever known before the gradual rotting of all your bodily organs, including your FACE. So go shove your karma up your fucking arse with the fairies, and the ghosts, and God, and all of those fairytales that keep you warm at night. (soz, I'm in a bad mood; I've got tonsillitis again and spent half the day in casualty- poor me!)
Did Tina mention she'd lost weight? Did she mention she's doing alright for money now? Her and La Toya seemed like they were having a competition about who was the hardest done by, but neither of them were listening to a word the other was saying. So you both married abusive bastards? Did the karma fairy dish out those love matches for you? As a feminist I felt weirdly unmoved. I'll blame it on the Nurofen.
Tina ass-licking La Toya about Michael was as pathetic as it was transparent. I think (hope) Terry is onto her and won't let the Northern comraderie distort his vision. Her swearing is really too much as well; I know I like a bit of it, (in an artistic context- ha!) but I wouldn't f-and-blind in front of La Toya Jackson, because she seems too demure.
Interesting Terry put Ulrika up; I bet the producers are shitting themselves about that one. What is his motivation? I think he finds her a bit stand-offish. Maybe he sees her as competition? Maybe he heard about her pay packet for BB? I will leave my options open on that one.
If I had a choice between the FA Cup and hot water, I'd pick the FA Cup and I hate football, just cos it's something to do. You can wash in cold water! I frequently do in my flat. It's like a lucky dip if I get a hot bath or not. Why does that 'fat bird' (her words not mine) consider her shower so important? She physically repulsive anyway, and it's all to do with her manner, not her body size. Mmm, nice fag stash. Cough cough.
Ulrika's face looks a bit puffy. Why is she always wearing that coat? She was wearing a coat and scarf in bed last night. Oh dear; she might be cracking up already. Not a good sign. Bit disappointed that she's moaning already.
I liked Verne educating Coolio on Cockney rhyming slang. Hold up, what's a spooge? I need educating in reverse. He looked cute on the diary room chair. He seems quite pensive. I wonder what he thinks to everyone?
And that concludes my third blog of the day. I should be bed-ridden more often.
T4: Orange Unsigned Act
In my usual vein of being into things that are aimed at people a decade younger than me, I have very much been enjoying Orange Unsigned Act, or the indie X Factor. I didn't watch it last year, and I wish I had as it's damn good fun. I'm always put off by the collection of snidey cunts who present T4, but if you can bear to sit through two seconds of them, it's worth it for this. Oh, and another warning; the actual show is presented by fake-it-so-real-he-is-beyond-fake Alex Zane. If I can live through his guyliner in place of a personality and his brand-new topman indie gear schtick, then you can. I just like to stick my fingers in my ears until he goes away. It works reasonably well.
So, onto the judges! In Simon Cowell's role is some record company exec guy 'the money' who looks like that sweary bloke from Dead Set crossed with the new Dennis the Menace's dad. Louis Walsh is played by everyone's least favourite member of Blur; Daily-Mail-pandering cheese-enthusiast Alex James. And in Cheryl Cole's shoes, is everyone's favourite member of Kenickie (OK, I have no recollection of the other two) Lauren Laverne. Who could say a bad word about Lauren? Not me. She rocks.
The weird/ best part is some of these bands/ singers are actually very good. I particularly like spotty-but-sweet Tommy Reilly and posh, Princess Diana-a-like Bo Bruce. Today's show saw them supporting McFly! But don't hold that against them.
Toby Sebastian is the dullest of the group; he covered Corrine Bailey Rae recently, so that probably tells you all you need to know. Like a prettier James Blunt, he'd probably go far on the real X Factor. He might even win this if money-dude gets his way. Showed he had no personality whatsoever during the interviewing task. Played a song that was dull beyond belief. Losing in front of his home crowd, as someone who is VERY good at interviews once sang.
Scarlet Harlots (not to be confused with Jamie Oliver's band, the equally awfully-named Scarlet Division) are alright; they are trying DESPERATELY hard to be cool, and succeeding to a degree. The lead singer has an interesting face. They are a bit shambolic but I think that's OK. Today's song sounded a bit ska-ish. Alex Zane was nodding along, so there's the kiss of death. Haha, he of the stupidly-named kids (Geronimo, anyone?) Alex James said they needed a chorus like 'uh oh, we're in trouble' by Shampoo! Their faces were a picture. Oh my god, then Alex James said 'look at me whilst I'm talking to you!'. Rex revival!!! DO YOU LOVE ME, NICOLE? DO YA? DO YA?
This is TV gold.
Tommy Reilly went to meet Scott Mills who is apparently 'influential in music'. And the blandest man on earth. Tommy came across as self-deprecating and charming as usual. I liked the song he played, the guitar was quite Bright Eyes-ey. I like his foghorn style of singing, I like singers with imperfect voices who shout a bit (Conor, Courtney & so on). I really like that song of Tommy's with that lyric of his 'give me a call, you got a phone don't you?' It's so simple, but it just gets lodged in your brain. That's good song-writing for you.
Bo Bruce is cool; she has a great voice and a bad attitude, which is a good combination. I like the way she's a bit posh and arrogant and she doesn't play nice. She definitely has balls. Clashing swords with Lauren Laverne is a little dangerous though; especially when Lauren is voting on your career. I really liked that song Bo sang though, I thought it was pretty catchy. Lauren looked a bit miffied when Bo's friends heckled her. I don't think it was true that Bo's not as good as the others though. I think she's the second best, after Tommy.
The final act in the competition is Hip Parade. They were good in the interview. I don't like their music though. It's catchy, but kiddie rock, I think. A bit crass of them to write a song with 'radio' in the title; as we all know songs with 'radio' in the title get played on the radio lots more than songs that don't. That doesn't make them good.
It was a shame the Scarlet Harlots went. They should have ditched Toby Sebastian, but I'm glad Bo survived. For the vote-back show next week, I'd vote back in Scarlet Harlots or Klaus Says Buy The Record, mainly cos I fancied him (ahem).
PS: Alex James. Lay off the cheese, for fuck's sake, fatty.
So, onto the judges! In Simon Cowell's role is some record company exec guy 'the money' who looks like that sweary bloke from Dead Set crossed with the new Dennis the Menace's dad. Louis Walsh is played by everyone's least favourite member of Blur; Daily-Mail-pandering cheese-enthusiast Alex James. And in Cheryl Cole's shoes, is everyone's favourite member of Kenickie (OK, I have no recollection of the other two) Lauren Laverne. Who could say a bad word about Lauren? Not me. She rocks.
The weird/ best part is some of these bands/ singers are actually very good. I particularly like spotty-but-sweet Tommy Reilly and posh, Princess Diana-a-like Bo Bruce. Today's show saw them supporting McFly! But don't hold that against them.
Toby Sebastian is the dullest of the group; he covered Corrine Bailey Rae recently, so that probably tells you all you need to know. Like a prettier James Blunt, he'd probably go far on the real X Factor. He might even win this if money-dude gets his way. Showed he had no personality whatsoever during the interviewing task. Played a song that was dull beyond belief. Losing in front of his home crowd, as someone who is VERY good at interviews once sang.
Scarlet Harlots (not to be confused with Jamie Oliver's band, the equally awfully-named Scarlet Division) are alright; they are trying DESPERATELY hard to be cool, and succeeding to a degree. The lead singer has an interesting face. They are a bit shambolic but I think that's OK. Today's song sounded a bit ska-ish. Alex Zane was nodding along, so there's the kiss of death. Haha, he of the stupidly-named kids (Geronimo, anyone?) Alex James said they needed a chorus like 'uh oh, we're in trouble' by Shampoo! Their faces were a picture. Oh my god, then Alex James said 'look at me whilst I'm talking to you!'. Rex revival!!! DO YOU LOVE ME, NICOLE? DO YA? DO YA?
This is TV gold.
Tommy Reilly went to meet Scott Mills who is apparently 'influential in music'. And the blandest man on earth. Tommy came across as self-deprecating and charming as usual. I liked the song he played, the guitar was quite Bright Eyes-ey. I like his foghorn style of singing, I like singers with imperfect voices who shout a bit (Conor, Courtney & so on). I really like that song of Tommy's with that lyric of his 'give me a call, you got a phone don't you?' It's so simple, but it just gets lodged in your brain. That's good song-writing for you.
Bo Bruce is cool; she has a great voice and a bad attitude, which is a good combination. I like the way she's a bit posh and arrogant and she doesn't play nice. She definitely has balls. Clashing swords with Lauren Laverne is a little dangerous though; especially when Lauren is voting on your career. I really liked that song Bo sang though, I thought it was pretty catchy. Lauren looked a bit miffied when Bo's friends heckled her. I don't think it was true that Bo's not as good as the others though. I think she's the second best, after Tommy.
The final act in the competition is Hip Parade. They were good in the interview. I don't like their music though. It's catchy, but kiddie rock, I think. A bit crass of them to write a song with 'radio' in the title; as we all know songs with 'radio' in the title get played on the radio lots more than songs that don't. That doesn't make them good.
It was a shame the Scarlet Harlots went. They should have ditched Toby Sebastian, but I'm glad Bo survived. For the vote-back show next week, I'd vote back in Scarlet Harlots or Klaus Says Buy The Record, mainly cos I fancied him (ahem).
PS: Alex James. Lay off the cheese, for fuck's sake, fatty.
BBLB: Big Brother's Little Brother
Shit as she was, and she WAS absolutely dreadful, I don't like the way they've just dropped Zezi from the show without a mention. George Lamb is acutely unlikeable, behaves like he hates the show, the studio audience, and everyone at home. He is less charming than his dad, Archie from Eastenders, and that's going some. They should just get Nikki Grahame to do the lot, at least she's naturally funny and has something endearing about her.
Who could really give two fucks about them having Barrymore reporting on anything? Jodie Marsh would be zillion times better. Or Pete Burns. Actually, Barrymore reminds me of Archie, sinister and creepy. He has no youth appeal whatsoever. The producers of this show don't know their arse from their elbow.
The bit in the camera run is always a shambles. The only good thing about watching this was getting to see what the Fonejacker looked like; pretty good as it happens. I liked getting to see him do the voices and he seemed very laid back and cool.
George Lamb showed just how much he loves Big Brother (i.e. not at all) by declaring George Galloway and Barrymore ended up as friends. No. They had a big bust up, you fucking idiot. I think it's really important that the presenters of BB and the spin off shows should be fans of the show, or at least pretend they care about the show. It gives us confidence in them. We gave Dermot a lot of stick back in the day; but at least he watched it. I bet he has a little cry when he watches it now; and so should we. As for Big Brother's Big Mouth; utterly unmentionable. Oh Russell, we didn't know what we had until it was gone, did we?
Who could really give two fucks about them having Barrymore reporting on anything? Jodie Marsh would be zillion times better. Or Pete Burns. Actually, Barrymore reminds me of Archie, sinister and creepy. He has no youth appeal whatsoever. The producers of this show don't know their arse from their elbow.
The bit in the camera run is always a shambles. The only good thing about watching this was getting to see what the Fonejacker looked like; pretty good as it happens. I liked getting to see him do the voices and he seemed very laid back and cool.
George Lamb showed just how much he loves Big Brother (i.e. not at all) by declaring George Galloway and Barrymore ended up as friends. No. They had a big bust up, you fucking idiot. I think it's really important that the presenters of BB and the spin off shows should be fans of the show, or at least pretend they care about the show. It gives us confidence in them. We gave Dermot a lot of stick back in the day; but at least he watched it. I bet he has a little cry when he watches it now; and so should we. As for Big Brother's Big Mouth; utterly unmentionable. Oh Russell, we didn't know what we had until it was gone, did we?
Saturday, 3 January 2009
Celebrity Big Brother 2009: One arsehole in every group
May I nominate that woman from Shameless? She is doing my nut in and I've only heard her speak twice. VULGAR!
I liked Coolio saying to Verne; 'last time I saw you you were pissed at me.' and he hurt his hip! Intriguing. I reckon they'll come to blows at some point. There's history there.
I didn't like the way that Scottish guy looked at Ulrika when she came in; predatory.
Terry did well to be selfless and go without a bed as it made him head of house and got him his own room. Sweet. I definitely like him the best so far.
La Toya and her platitudes are absolutely teeth-grating. If life is that perfect; why did you deface your mug so much? You're lying! She seems a bit haunted. I can't see her snogging anyone.
Tommy calling Verne 'brother' (and boy!) has echoes of Mario/Mikey. Ulrika ill-advisedly comparing her back problem to Verne's dwarfism was a little... misjudged. Similarly, Terry Christian comparing his level of fame to La Toya's didn't quite go. I think she has problems he couldn't dream of.
All in all quite a slow start to the show; but I'm willing to give it time to cook. Hopefully by this time tomorrow there'll be a murder.
I liked Coolio saying to Verne; 'last time I saw you you were pissed at me.' and he hurt his hip! Intriguing. I reckon they'll come to blows at some point. There's history there.
I didn't like the way that Scottish guy looked at Ulrika when she came in; predatory.
Terry did well to be selfless and go without a bed as it made him head of house and got him his own room. Sweet. I definitely like him the best so far.
La Toya and her platitudes are absolutely teeth-grating. If life is that perfect; why did you deface your mug so much? You're lying! She seems a bit haunted. I can't see her snogging anyone.
Tommy calling Verne 'brother' (and boy!) has echoes of Mario/Mikey. Ulrika ill-advisedly comparing her back problem to Verne's dwarfism was a little... misjudged. Similarly, Terry Christian comparing his level of fame to La Toya's didn't quite go. I think she has problems he couldn't dream of.
All in all quite a slow start to the show; but I'm willing to give it time to cook. Hopefully by this time tomorrow there'll be a murder.
Friday, 2 January 2009
Celebrity Big Brother 2009: Launch Night
So it's back. Hurrah! Jade couldn't kill it with her mightly, ugly mouth. Davina wearing Pete Burns old coat. Davina's tour of the house; zzzz. Do we care about the tokens? No. Nice throws, though.
La Toya. That other Jackson dude was pretty dull so why would this one be any different? They are so desperate for publicity but have nothing to offer except funny noses and a creepy upbringing. I'd rather see some dumbass page 3 girl in there (which I'm sure will happen). Note: very grating laugh.
Mutya! I reckon she'll be alright. At least she has a personality. Leg tattoos! Why not? I wouldn't fuck with her.
Mini Me makes me feel a bit sick. Isn't he in a porno? He's my least favourite dwarf; I prefer the one in Bad Santa. Got a cheer just cos he's a midget! Special entrance! Aw. I've warmed to him already. Don't patronise him Davina, he's small, not stupid (well he could be stupid, I'll keep my options open).
Tommy. Scottish politician. PVC bondage gear. Only one of these things is interesting, and it's the one that's not true (allegedly). Lucy Pinder. Oh, the dumbass I spoke of. A tory page 3 girl! Double idiot. 2 a-levels?! I take it all back, the girl is a genius.
Why are they all obsessed with reading that card when they come in? Oh, so they don't have to talk to each other, right.
Next, Ben Adams from A5. I'd be more excited if they had a member of Bewitched in there. Curtained charisma void.
Tina from Shameless. Mentioned she was fat twice. Yeah, we can see you, you don't need to announce it. I don't watch it. I'm not that impressed with these celebrities so far. How long before someone describes her as bubbly? Bring on Ulrika-ka-ka-ka!
Next up was Coolio. He looks a bit rough. His eyeballs look a wee bit boggly. I hate to cast aspersions but I'd say there were a few drugs available in the Gangsta's Paradise. Weird mask/ condom type thing on his head.
Michelle Heaton! Everyone's least favourite Liberty X-er. Actually, she was more famous to me for trying to force her boyfriend to marry her via the pages of OK for about 3 years (even dressing up in wedding dresses, I seem to recall- subtle!) When she finally pushed him into it; it lasted about ten minutes. I think she'll be good value; she was knickerless and pissed on celebrity Come Dine With Me and that was a mere 60 minutes. She was the first interesting housemate since Mutya.
Terry Christian is alright. I always kind of liked him. I wonder what he's been doing all this time? He still looks quite young. What are they booing him for? Bring on the zombies to eat the chavs! I predict an early winner.
And finally, Ulrika-ka-ka-ka. Sven-shagger extraordinaire. My mum HATES Ulrika, cos she fancies John Leslie. I think John Leslie is a creepy cunt and I liked Ulrika from Shooting Stars days (that special was good the other night, wasn't it?) She looks kind of skinny and bloated-faced and weird in the clip, but good when she faced the crowd. I think she'll be OK.
And that's it. A crushing disappointment as always, but give it a day or two to settle, and there'll either be a race riot or a fist-fight, fingers crossed.
La Toya. That other Jackson dude was pretty dull so why would this one be any different? They are so desperate for publicity but have nothing to offer except funny noses and a creepy upbringing. I'd rather see some dumbass page 3 girl in there (which I'm sure will happen). Note: very grating laugh.
Mutya! I reckon she'll be alright. At least she has a personality. Leg tattoos! Why not? I wouldn't fuck with her.
Mini Me makes me feel a bit sick. Isn't he in a porno? He's my least favourite dwarf; I prefer the one in Bad Santa. Got a cheer just cos he's a midget! Special entrance! Aw. I've warmed to him already. Don't patronise him Davina, he's small, not stupid (well he could be stupid, I'll keep my options open).
Tommy. Scottish politician. PVC bondage gear. Only one of these things is interesting, and it's the one that's not true (allegedly). Lucy Pinder. Oh, the dumbass I spoke of. A tory page 3 girl! Double idiot. 2 a-levels?! I take it all back, the girl is a genius.
Why are they all obsessed with reading that card when they come in? Oh, so they don't have to talk to each other, right.
Next, Ben Adams from A5. I'd be more excited if they had a member of Bewitched in there. Curtained charisma void.
Tina from Shameless. Mentioned she was fat twice. Yeah, we can see you, you don't need to announce it. I don't watch it. I'm not that impressed with these celebrities so far. How long before someone describes her as bubbly? Bring on Ulrika-ka-ka-ka!
Next up was Coolio. He looks a bit rough. His eyeballs look a wee bit boggly. I hate to cast aspersions but I'd say there were a few drugs available in the Gangsta's Paradise. Weird mask/ condom type thing on his head.
Michelle Heaton! Everyone's least favourite Liberty X-er. Actually, she was more famous to me for trying to force her boyfriend to marry her via the pages of OK for about 3 years (even dressing up in wedding dresses, I seem to recall- subtle!) When she finally pushed him into it; it lasted about ten minutes. I think she'll be good value; she was knickerless and pissed on celebrity Come Dine With Me and that was a mere 60 minutes. She was the first interesting housemate since Mutya.
Terry Christian is alright. I always kind of liked him. I wonder what he's been doing all this time? He still looks quite young. What are they booing him for? Bring on the zombies to eat the chavs! I predict an early winner.
And finally, Ulrika-ka-ka-ka. Sven-shagger extraordinaire. My mum HATES Ulrika, cos she fancies John Leslie. I think John Leslie is a creepy cunt and I liked Ulrika from Shooting Stars days (that special was good the other night, wasn't it?) She looks kind of skinny and bloated-faced and weird in the clip, but good when she faced the crowd. I think she'll be OK.
And that's it. A crushing disappointment as always, but give it a day or two to settle, and there'll either be a race riot or a fist-fight, fingers crossed.
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