Celebrity Big Brother 2018: It's CBB, not Panorama

I don't think Ann slept on her own because she's a snorer. I think she slept on her own because everyone hates her, including me. Unpleasant person. I don't think there's much excuse for misgendering someone when you're in a house with ONLY women. Ann is doing it deliberately to be mean, in my opinion.
India is talking about her transition. It only took place two years ago! I like how confident she is. A far cry from the horrible Kellie Maloney.
Rachel asking Ann what she thinks about gender reassignment surgery on the NHS is a bit naughty as she knows she's gonna dig a big hole for herself. Ann's priority is children going blind. I don't think Ann really cares about mental health. Ann has the face she deserves. Bitter woman.
I like how Amanda knows herself so well, and I guess by 82, you would. I like the fact she just doesn't give a fuck.
Jess didn't understand what way to vote for Brexit so didn't vote. I think it's probably better not to vote than to vote for something dumb, which she obviously would have, because she's dumb as a rock. Ann digging her out for not voting, but what's the point in voting if you don't know what you're voting for? I'd rather thick people didn't bother, and then I wouldn't have to hear the non-word 'Brexit' seventy billion times a day. Yeah, thanks for that, old people.
Another patronising task. Having to go against stereotypes against women. Patronising claptrap. Ann's attitude to tasks is like my attitude to life. Why is she even there? How much did they pay her?
The axe throwing actually looks fun but dangerous. India's throwing was horrendous. I'm glad Malika is winning. I like her and I think she's vulnerable if it's a vote to save.
Jess wants to 'come out of her comfort shell.' Fake Jade Goody of the week! Maybe she will learn something in the house. Anything. Please.
Ooh, Ann to Rachel 'what is the point of working and getting someone else to look after your children?' Gauntlet thrown! It's easy for Ann to say 'if you have children they come first' when you have NO FUCKING CHILDREN. It's none of your business! I wish everyone would just let other people live their lives the way they want to. If it's not affecting you, butt the fuck out. Ooh, butt fuck.
India has never been with a man. Interesting. But she's not attracted to women. I'm guessing it can be hard to date when you're transgender. You have to be with an open minded guy.
India's son is not speaking to her at the moment. It must be hard for family when people transition. You have to get used to a new reality, I guess, but it's really sad.
Drone shots! I do like the editing on the new show, and the social media is better too. Hello, Alfie Green. Could do with some more GIFs though. I guess we'll have to make our own!
I like Ashley's earrings while changing the tyre because I'm just a simple woman, focused on trinkets. This is the most patronising thing I have ever witnessed in my life and I've seen Fearne Cotton present Top of the Pops.
I'm scared to look at Twitter because of the abuse India is no doubt getting for having an 'unfair advantage'.  This task is a transphobe's dream. I swear this theme is stirring up more hate than any normal series towards women.
Rachel bitching about Ann in the DR. Thinks the decor is 'fine'. I've been in there, and it's lovely. I love all the copper. John Lewis plates. Whatever.
The look of joy after Ann 'accidentally' called India 'she' says it all. Rotten to the core. India is very tolerant.
Amanda has so much knowledge because she's so old. But she doesn't seem doddery at all and she looks great! Pensioner goals.
Ann is against female priests. I can't wait to vote to evict her. Amanda 'religion causes more wars than anything else.' So true. That was a bit of a sour dinner. I enjoy the political chat!
India has a lot of cleavage on show at the dinner table. I bet Ann is fuming!
Ashley is so annoying and I don't even know why. I would react like Ann to someone telling a story about shitting themselves. What is she, Scotty T? Oh, was it about her period? I switch off when she talks. Same thing. Bodily fluid talk. Equality!
Maggie likes younger men but ageism is alive and kicking in the UK. True. Jess: 'Madonna's done it.' Madonna has a lot of backing dancers to choose from.
It's actually tragic that Ann has never been in love. I pity her but I'm not at all surprised.
Malika is right that Ann is cold and that she's not interested in anything she doesn't agree with. India says Ann has a heart of gold. She really doesn't. She's hateful. India is so nice with Ann and Ann is just curmudgeonly towards her.
Malika is looking forward to seeing how the women change when the men come in. Interesting. I think the women will be super territorial when the men arrive. The bed situation is going to be carnage. In fact, the whole thing might be carnage.
I know everyone's worried about ratings, and I think they should be. Every night on Twitter I search 'CBB' and 'people I follow' and it normally takes me about 10 minutes to scroll through the tweets. Tonight it took me about two. No one is tweeting. It's not trending. It's a shame because it's been good.
If they put Dapper Laughs in tomorrow, we could have another fight night on our hands, and THEN we'll get the headlines, and THEN it will be trending.
But THEN don't pretend this is about feminism. It will be about exploitation and shock value. And if one of the women smacks him one, I don't fucking blame them.

Celebrity Big Brother 2018: No umbrage will ever be taken

We went to the live launch yesterday and went in the house and met Rylan again! There's loads of pics and some videos on our Facebook page including a house tour and a podcast we did on the train, including two exclusive interviews with people you've never heard of. It was a gay old time.
But how was the launch! Rainy and patronising. Men were offended. Women were offended. Old women were put in the house. It's a big risk, I think. But it was nice not to see the usual Geordies and Towies. Is Big Brother really getting serious? Do we want them to? I don't think they can win either way, can they? There will always be complaints on both sides.
I watched last night's live feed just now and it was interesting seeing women debating. I was surprised to hear many of them say they hadn't experienced discrimination before listing all the ways they are discriminated against! India understands the issue truly, as she has seen it from both sides.
Recap! 'Isn't this ghastly!' Probably the best line of the night about the delightful house which actually looked wonderful. I loved all the copper and the couches are really lovely. Kitchen was cool, bedrooms were nice, I don't see what the problem is! They've even got the DR chair right.
I love the fact India knows the feminist history. I don't! I'm a bad feminist. I like the way they're cutting up the interesting tidbits people are saying.
Jess's eyes freak me out! Cat eyes.
Amanda and Ann are both snorers. Get in the other room, quick!
At the moment India has this in the bag. No one is even close. I think I'll put a bet on actually. Just did it, put a tenner on her! Not even seen the men go in yet! That's how confident I am! *throws money away*
Ann is bed blocking!
That's weird they didn't even reshow the daggy sexist task with the wires. Don't blame them, though. Jess and Amanda get to give two other housemates immunity, too.
Malika calling herself a TV personality, aw. I like Malika! She's better than Jonathan Cheban. I think she comes across quite well on KUWTK, but mind you, everyone else on there is such a cunt, it's quite easy to.
India doing her transition story straight out the gate, Luke A style. She doesn't agree with Ru Paul calling himself transgender. He doesn't, does he! He's a drag queen! Uh oh.
Maggie seems an interesting character, even though she's not a celebrity. Not sure she's mastered putting on lipstick, though.
I hate Ann Widdecombe as much as she hates positive discrimination. Her views are so warped.
Women talking about make up. Empowerment!
Ah here's the bit from yesterday's live feed. I have seen female directors in my own workplace treated like PAs so I know it happens.
Ann is so dogmatic that her opinion is right in every circumstance and it's so annoying. People have different perspectives.
Ann cites ONE top police officer as being female as being acceptable. NO, IT ISN'T. So people are equally paid in parliament. But there aren't as many female MPs as men! So it's not fucking equal, you thick old bat. Don't you get it? There are 50% men and 50% women on the planet.
I'm not really interested in the posing naked debate. It's entirely a personal choice.
Rachel posed naked to 'celebrate women's whatever' but 'it didn't really.' Enough said. Still none of Ann's fucking business though.
I don't like Ashley, I find her quite annoying and I'm not sure if it's because she's posh. I normally like a posho.
The diary room looks great on camera! It's a bit hard to sit on. Looks fucking cool though.
Jess is scared of Ann. I would be if I was her, too. Jess is out of her depth. She needs some more Scotty T type housemates to rub up against.
Amanda and Jess chose to save Maggie and give her immunity.
Rachel: 'No umbrage will be taken.' Umbrage is taken mere minutes later.
What, Ann gets to sleep on her own because she snores? Oh, she just gets a specific bed. India doesn't want to give up her bed. 'It's normally first come first served.' True story.
Ann wants to win a task. How about she wins the first eviction because she's been grinding my gears. Is she good TV? Not for me so far, but I was anti Woodburn at first, so I can be wrong.
Ann is against all women shortlists, but doesn't mind being on an all women Big Brother.
Jess doesn't need to wear a bra because her boobs aren't real. Amanda doesn't wear a bra cos she 'has no tits'. Bras are annoying. Having boobs is an impediment. I'd like to be able to run for the bus.
Oh, I see, Ann is going to sleep in one of the bedrooms on her own until the guys come. I wouldn't mind that if I was her, but then again, it's not wise to isolate yourself.
Rachel's hair is a bit Rick Parfitt. I like her so far though. She seems pretty smart. 'Big Brother is always here.' Rachel: 'That's the story of my life, really.' Very quick.
India has some good legs on her. I think it's interesting that she likes Ann because I don't think Ann likes her one bit. I like people with strong opinions, but not people who are rude and inconsiderate.
Ah, toothbrushing, a Big Brother staple. Rachel has forgotten her deodorant. Stand back!
Malika looks good without her make up on! Make up chat... because I'm a girl!
Malika: 'We don't have the same language... at all.' We do. It is annoying when she talks like a baby though.
I just texted my mum that Ann is annoying and she texted back 'she's old and she's a virgin.' Haaaaa. Maybe she'll get laid once the men arrive! OMG, Big Brother... you've made me a sexist.
Nah, I'm actually enjoying this so far. Feels very old school! I wonder what the ratings will do? The old fans are loving it... the young 'uns probably hate it. Maybe Big Brother realised there were more of us, after all.

E20: (Eastenders written by Lady Sovereign for a task)

Do you know what this is? It's Eastenders online spin-off show trying to appeal to the yoof. It aint on telly, right, blud? You can watch it on your phone, innit? Except you can't, because I tried.
OK two people have told me to blog this, so I am, but only because it's only 15 minutes long, so I don't have to suffer unduly. But my unbiased *ahem* opinion is that this will be the only one I watch.
Oh, they've put a drum machine over the theme music. It's like when they changed the Blue Peter theme tune. Talk about diluting the brand.
I'm already annoyed by that girl with the blue hair being in the real Eastenders; so it doesn't bode well. Oh yeah, she's called Zsa Zsa, like Jar-Jar Binks, right? The hair, the name, it's just all so contrived. Just because something's 'for kids' doesn't mean you have to patronise them. They have brains, too.
What is with the awful background music signifying peril? I guarantee you, they will slip that into the real Eastenders before too long. This is a slippery slope. You read it here first.
Oh Christ, this bit about Fatboy and Mercy is truly awful. This makes me pine for Glenda Jackson and Archie Mitchell.
'What you screw-facing me for?' What? Did I say 'only 15 minutes'? Listening to Fatboy going on like some idiot standing in front of you in Dallas Chicken changing his order repeatedly is actually unbearable. 'Yeah, gimme thigh, gimme thigh, nah gimme breast!' Fuck off!
They just said 'whore'! This isn't suitable for kids. That one who shagged Lucy Beale is quite handsome, he looks like he should be in a computer game. Very well-spoken for Albert Square, though.
Why are Zainab and Mo even featuring in this piece of offal? Did they get danger money?
Fatboy to Masood: 'What's up Slumdog?' Racist! And that's coming from me, who just made that Dallas Chicken analogy.
Fatboy's friendship with Manga boy felt about as natural and comfortable viewing as when the cunt from G4 (sorry, that didn't narrow it down, the BLONDE one) tried to chum up to Harvey from So Solid Crew on Celebrity Come Dine With Me by donning some 'bling' and doing a rap. Not cool.
Why is Amira's flat so nice? What does she do for a living anyway? Fuck all as far as I can see. Big up Christian!
Fuck me, that was excruciating, like ten billion times worse than I'd even imagined. And that's BAD. I would definitely avoid it. No, in fact you should have to suffer it as I did, it's only fair.