Look at that title! Catchy! Where have all the good documentaries gone? Did the credit crunch eat them? Even the worst kind of reality TV that I loved so dearly seems to have shuffled off the TV schedules. So I'm reduced to watching this old rot. And on BBC2, too! Licence payers' money! This sounds like Channel 5 stuff.
This show follows 'britain's top porn star' Lindsay Honey (Ben Dover- ho ho ho) as he 'branches out' into regular acting. Hold on, doesn't Lindsay Honey sound like a porn star name anyway? Should have stuck with that.
I'm not sure I have much truck with a porn star who looks like Keith Harris without the duck and talks like Del Boy. I can't work out if he's wearing a toupee or just has the worst haircut this side of Boris Johnson. Sexy is not a word that springs to mind; I have no urge whatsoever to look up one of his films.
Here's Lindsay at the porno lifetime achievement awards! Let's snigger at porn title puns! He actually called porn 'showbiz.' Lols.
So he doesn't want to do Proust, but wouldn't mind being in a soap. At least he's aiming low. He does have morals though; he doesn't like torture porn or degradation!
It's funny to think of him pining to be 'respectable' whilst in his big old mansion which he bought from fucking. You always want what you haven't got; how many shelf stackers want to be in a porno, and how many porno actors want to be in Hollywood? It's just degrees of the food chain.
The part where he was trying to become an actor and going to lessons (i.e. the middle half an hour) was pretty boring. I think Five might have injected some comedy.
Surprise surprise, he didn't get offered any very good acting parts. An alcoholic and father christmas, neither of which he could be bothered to do. He seemed surprised that some actors do badly paid (or no paid) jobs just for the love of it and ruled out working for free (ie. working his way up) even though he could easily afford it.
So in the end he went back to porn. Sorry for ruining the ending. Bring back the freak docs, please.
Showing posts with label internet porn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label internet porn. Show all posts
Monday, 7 December 2009
Wednesday, 1 April 2009
The Sex Education Show vs Pornography (Weds)
It was the men's turn for ritual humiliation last night, and after complaining about the fannies the day before, I have to say, the willies weren't much to look at either. Why can't our sexual organs be a bit... sexier?
There was also a bit about sex toys yesterday. The presenter acted like she's never seen a gag or a dildo before. How ridiculous to say a guy can't compete with a vibrator! I find the human attached to the end of a penis to be be quite useful for, you know, going out and getting me a bag of chips after. Oh, and you know, the odd conversation.
Tonight they looked at if 'the porn star look' affects how 'normal' women look. Fearndia Cotwink (I haven't learnt her name yet) went to meet some very unrepresentative women who spend a grand a month on hair extensions and said things about 'pleasing my man'. After that FC decided to have a 'porn star makeover' which involved fake tan, falsh nails and so on (it was more of a WAG makeover). Then she went 'do I feel sexy, no I feel like a slag.' Nice! What a great word to put into teenager's heads, hearty congratulations. One thing you aint is a feminist. But you did look like a drag queen. Personally I don't care if other women want to look 'glam' or 'natural'- what's it got to do with sex, really? Not much. It's just about judging women, as ever. She said 'do you like what the porn look says about you?' but it's not a 'porn look'; some women just like dressing up, like the Snog, Marry, Avoid lot. If people judge you on that, I say fuck 'em.
The condom class was quite useful; why hasn't something better been invented by now? They're pretty rubbish aren't they? All that effort and squeaky latex; urgh. I'd rather not bother. It seems like they rip really easily, too! I think someone needs to sort this out; possibily in the Dragon's Den.
The porn star she interviewed said he does 'gay for pay'; but how does he get a hard on? Would viagra do it? I don't get it. Oh... my boyfriend explained it to me. You can go gay for pay... but only if you fancy it a bit.
There was also a bit about sex toys yesterday. The presenter acted like she's never seen a gag or a dildo before. How ridiculous to say a guy can't compete with a vibrator! I find the human attached to the end of a penis to be be quite useful for, you know, going out and getting me a bag of chips after. Oh, and you know, the odd conversation.
Tonight they looked at if 'the porn star look' affects how 'normal' women look. Fearndia Cotwink (I haven't learnt her name yet) went to meet some very unrepresentative women who spend a grand a month on hair extensions and said things about 'pleasing my man'. After that FC decided to have a 'porn star makeover' which involved fake tan, falsh nails and so on (it was more of a WAG makeover). Then she went 'do I feel sexy, no I feel like a slag.' Nice! What a great word to put into teenager's heads, hearty congratulations. One thing you aint is a feminist. But you did look like a drag queen. Personally I don't care if other women want to look 'glam' or 'natural'- what's it got to do with sex, really? Not much. It's just about judging women, as ever. She said 'do you like what the porn look says about you?' but it's not a 'porn look'; some women just like dressing up, like the Snog, Marry, Avoid lot. If people judge you on that, I say fuck 'em.
The condom class was quite useful; why hasn't something better been invented by now? They're pretty rubbish aren't they? All that effort and squeaky latex; urgh. I'd rather not bother. It seems like they rip really easily, too! I think someone needs to sort this out; possibily in the Dragon's Den.
The porn star she interviewed said he does 'gay for pay'; but how does he get a hard on? Would viagra do it? I don't get it. Oh... my boyfriend explained it to me. You can go gay for pay... but only if you fancy it a bit.
Monday, 30 March 2009
The Sex Educations Show vs Pornography
I never saw this last series but I heard it was quite good, so here we go. Apparently a third of all children learn about sex through porn. Urgh! How awful. The average teenager watches 90 minutes of porn per WEEK! Wow. That's a lot.
There is something disturbing about hearing a child say 'anal, vaginal and oral sex'. But then, so there should be.
I remember my friend and I finding a grotty old porno with the pages stuck together in a car park; which seems so cliched a way to find out about porn it almost seems made up. I remember we had pay-per-view porn in my house when I was about 13 (I lived with all men) and being a bit disgusted but mainly uninterested by it. Looking back; it was as tame as could be.
Haha, 50% of all internet traffic relates to porn (best put more sex words in my tags, see my hits rise!) and 90% of all children have viewed porn accidentally. That's actually horrible. I am so glad the internet wasn't even invented when I was a child. I actually left the house on occasion.
My sex education at school was absolutely pathetic; I doubt if we had more than one lesson on it. My mum wasn't very helpful either; and when my first boyfriend suggested we had sex I ran away and put about 15 layers of clothing on for the next time I saw him; I had never even considered such a thing. I guess it's that concentrated loss of innocence which is the horrible thing about children and porn; and just how little porn illustrates how (adult) lovers actually relate to each other as humans.
Wow, those women were BRAVE who got naked to show kids what 'real' bodies looked like. It is actually quite shocking that society (ie. the media) shows such an unrealistic portrayal of what womens bodies look like that it has to be pointed out that 'look- this is normal'. Just think about that for a minute! How damaging that is to adults, let alone children. It's actually sick. Hold on, how come we didn't get to see naked male bodies too? Swizz! Sad to hear girls say they want to be thin; I never wanted to be thin. Just not fat! Haha.
Hmm, interesting that the presenter looked for porn online and found some child porn 'within minutes' just from a basic search. I have looked for porn before (come on, who hasn't?!) and have never found porn of that kind, and would presume (and hope!) such a thing would be very difficult to find.
The faces of the parents watching the porn was hilarious. I think the past couple of generations are quite unique in that children know how to use computers and often parents don't, so parents just aren't clued up on what is available out there and kids get away with murder.
How weird that the boys all liked the plastic boobs and said they looked nice and firm. Firm is not a good thing for boobs to be! Boobs should be squashy! Then the girls said boys wanted their boobs to be hard! Hard??? No, that's penises, not boobs! Tragic, really.
God, it makes me realise just how straight I am when forced to stare into another woman's fanny. Even so, I don't think they should give girls tips on how to shave just because blokes like them bald. Once you grow up, you find not every bloke models his ideal woman on something from The Sun (thank god). Hearing the girls saying they wanted to shave to 'impress the boys' was just depressing. I just never had that mentality; of wanting to impress or fit in in any way shape or form. As for boys 'getting grossed out' by fanny; if you're grossed out by it, you're probably gay.
So all mobile phones come with a lock to stop kids looking at porn. Great. I bet it takes the average 14-year-old about 10 seconds to crack that online. If old grannies like me can do torrents and so on, then I don't think breaking into an IPhone is really beyond the capabilities of a horny teenager.
This show was good, but the presenter was really fucking annoying, like the mutant offspring of Fearne Cotton and Claudia Winkleman. And you don't need me to tell you how bad that is.
Another one tomorrow! This could be a busy week in Exitainmentville.
There is something disturbing about hearing a child say 'anal, vaginal and oral sex'. But then, so there should be.
I remember my friend and I finding a grotty old porno with the pages stuck together in a car park; which seems so cliched a way to find out about porn it almost seems made up. I remember we had pay-per-view porn in my house when I was about 13 (I lived with all men) and being a bit disgusted but mainly uninterested by it. Looking back; it was as tame as could be.
Haha, 50% of all internet traffic relates to porn (best put more sex words in my tags, see my hits rise!) and 90% of all children have viewed porn accidentally. That's actually horrible. I am so glad the internet wasn't even invented when I was a child. I actually left the house on occasion.
My sex education at school was absolutely pathetic; I doubt if we had more than one lesson on it. My mum wasn't very helpful either; and when my first boyfriend suggested we had sex I ran away and put about 15 layers of clothing on for the next time I saw him; I had never even considered such a thing. I guess it's that concentrated loss of innocence which is the horrible thing about children and porn; and just how little porn illustrates how (adult) lovers actually relate to each other as humans.
Wow, those women were BRAVE who got naked to show kids what 'real' bodies looked like. It is actually quite shocking that society (ie. the media) shows such an unrealistic portrayal of what womens bodies look like that it has to be pointed out that 'look- this is normal'. Just think about that for a minute! How damaging that is to adults, let alone children. It's actually sick. Hold on, how come we didn't get to see naked male bodies too? Swizz! Sad to hear girls say they want to be thin; I never wanted to be thin. Just not fat! Haha.
Hmm, interesting that the presenter looked for porn online and found some child porn 'within minutes' just from a basic search. I have looked for porn before (come on, who hasn't?!) and have never found porn of that kind, and would presume (and hope!) such a thing would be very difficult to find.
The faces of the parents watching the porn was hilarious. I think the past couple of generations are quite unique in that children know how to use computers and often parents don't, so parents just aren't clued up on what is available out there and kids get away with murder.
How weird that the boys all liked the plastic boobs and said they looked nice and firm. Firm is not a good thing for boobs to be! Boobs should be squashy! Then the girls said boys wanted their boobs to be hard! Hard??? No, that's penises, not boobs! Tragic, really.
God, it makes me realise just how straight I am when forced to stare into another woman's fanny. Even so, I don't think they should give girls tips on how to shave just because blokes like them bald. Once you grow up, you find not every bloke models his ideal woman on something from The Sun (thank god). Hearing the girls saying they wanted to shave to 'impress the boys' was just depressing. I just never had that mentality; of wanting to impress or fit in in any way shape or form. As for boys 'getting grossed out' by fanny; if you're grossed out by it, you're probably gay.
So all mobile phones come with a lock to stop kids looking at porn. Great. I bet it takes the average 14-year-old about 10 seconds to crack that online. If old grannies like me can do torrents and so on, then I don't think breaking into an IPhone is really beyond the capabilities of a horny teenager.
This show was good, but the presenter was really fucking annoying, like the mutant offspring of Fearne Cotton and Claudia Winkleman. And you don't need me to tell you how bad that is.
Another one tomorrow! This could be a busy week in Exitainmentville.
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