Monday, 7 December 2009

Rich Man, Poor Man: Ben Dover

Look at that title! Catchy! Where have all the good documentaries gone? Did the credit crunch eat them? Even the worst kind of reality TV that I loved so dearly seems to have shuffled off the TV schedules. So I'm reduced to watching this old rot. And on BBC2, too! Licence payers' money! This sounds like Channel 5 stuff.
This show follows 'britain's top porn star' Lindsay Honey (Ben Dover- ho ho ho) as he 'branches out' into regular acting. Hold on, doesn't Lindsay Honey sound like a porn star name anyway? Should have stuck with that.
I'm not sure I have much truck with a porn star who looks like Keith Harris without the duck and talks like Del Boy. I can't work out if he's wearing a toupee or just has the worst haircut this side of Boris Johnson. Sexy is not a word that springs to mind; I have no urge whatsoever to look up one of his films.
Here's Lindsay at the porno lifetime achievement awards! Let's snigger at porn title puns! He actually called porn 'showbiz.' Lols.
So he doesn't want to do Proust, but wouldn't mind being in a soap. At least he's aiming low. He does have morals though; he doesn't like torture porn or degradation!
It's funny to think of him pining to be 'respectable' whilst in his big old mansion which he bought from fucking. You always want what you haven't got; how many shelf stackers want to be in a porno, and how many porno actors want to be in Hollywood? It's just degrees of the food chain.
The part where he was trying to become an actor and going to lessons (i.e. the middle half an hour) was pretty boring. I think Five might have injected some comedy.
Surprise surprise, he didn't get offered any very good acting parts. An alcoholic and father christmas, neither of which he could be bothered to do. He seemed surprised that some actors do badly paid (or no paid) jobs just for the love of it and ruled out working for free (ie. working his way up) even though he could easily afford it.
So in the end he went back to porn. Sorry for ruining the ending. Bring back the freak docs, please.

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