American Idol: The Final

Well, what do you know? The right two went through to the final and pretty-boy Barbie Casey James was sent on his way, probably off to advertise T-shirts or something. So we can't see an injustice like last year, when slack-jawed monkey-face inexplicably beat the dazzling Adam Lambert. I genuinely like both Lee and Crystal. I suppose Crystal deserves to win, for her raw talent. But Lee has a really good voice. I like it when he goes a bit flat and gets away with it. Oh Christ, are they singing songs they've sung before? That's such a cop out. There's enough songs in the world that they could learn a new one.
Ooh second round Lee is doing Everybody Hurts. It sounds a bit... grating. And there was a Stars in Your Eyes ending (just repeat title very fast). Is Crystal going to walk this? I think Lee IS nervous. And who wouldn't be up against Crystal? But does any of it really matter anyway? Even the runners up make buckets out of the show over there. If Chico had been on Idol he'd be on his fourth album by now.
Not sure who put Crystal in that dress for Black Velvet, but they must REALLY like Lee DeWyze. She is a little frumpy, but who gives a fuck? She's walking this thing, and rightly so.
And it's Simon's last Idol. What does this mean for the show? Surely it's all over. I can't see how it could survive without him, and with the competition of the X Factor USA. Ryan must be quaking in his loafers. No wonder he's been such a tool all series.
So what song will they give them as the single? This is always the test of who they want to actually win. It's mildly offensive to make them sing a cover when they are obviously both decent songwriters themselves.
Urgh Lee sounds flat on this U2 song too (and not in the good way). This is probably only U2 song I can halfway bear. Aw he looks like he's going to cry. I'm not surprised. He's getting trounced. But this is Idol. The voters could vote the wrong way. I wouldn't put it past them.
I don't know what this song is that Crystal is singing. I feel sad for Randy. I don't want him to be cast asunder on the wasteland of Idol.
I liked Crystal humbly wishing Simon luck on his future endeavours. I liked her bad jokes that no one was laughing at. She just seems like a decent person. And it didn't even seem close tonight.
OK, 2nd show. How can they string this out for two hours? I admire their gall. Why have they dressed them up like schoolkids? Creepy!
OMG Alice Cooper. OMG monkey-face. Come back and finish the job, Adam Lambert.
Medley mania. Fast forward.
Ricky Gervais has gone the same way in my mind as Russell Brand; sold to an audience that doesn't understand him, losing all credibility. I'm sure they're both gutted they've lost my respect.
Oh Christ, Alanis Morrisette singing 'You Oughta Know' with Crystal! It's like karaoke night. Please, let me never hear this song again. Ever.
Wow, that Ford advert was really moving. Brought a tear to my eye.
I hope Simon gives Paula a job on X Factor. I didn't miss her until she'd gone.
All this Simon eulogising is a bit much. I feel like the Queen's died.
Wow, Kelly Clarkson looks 40! Will we ever find out this blasted result?
Here's the official envelope! Bring it. OH MY GOD. AGAIN! AGAIN AMERICA YOU DISAPPOINT ME. PATHETIC.
If you're a white, straight man, it doesn't matter. It's in the bag. Crystal, go and release your own music. Simon doesn't deserve your proceeds.
Lee, you should be singing Lemon by U2. Crystal woz robbed.