Big Brother 2013: How do you like your embryo in the morning?

'This is Big Brother, training time has began.' I think you mean 'begun'.
I can't watch people eating raw eggs. That's not for me. I've just been out and I'm not feeling right anyway. This isn't helping.
Someone posted Callum's bio on DS today and it was like 'I'm confident, I like belittling people.' Ha! Who is Callum to go in the DR and say Dexter can't talk about 'his whirlwind life in London'? It's not Dexter's fault he's got more money than you. Why does someone having a good life (or talking up having a good life) make you feel bad? Envy is an ugly quality. In fact, it's quite pathetic. Is Callum envious of Gina's money?
Dexter and Hazel: 'We're made of different stuff.' You can insert whatever punchline you like here. Dexter is finding the banter not so mint in the house.
Sam to Callum: 'You might get a lot of respect for sticking up for yourself.' And maybe not.
I just fast forwarded through the twins' battle which was good as I'm a bit behind so it saved me a few minutes. Twins in Lycra? No, ta.
I don't get this Jackador and Jaded Joker thing. Why didn't they call them Jack Smack and Joe Blow? Actually, that makes them sound more exciting than they are.
I hate all this smutty talk the guys all do, especially Sam, it's really childish and borderline offensive.
Don't worry, Sophie, I don't think you're sweet. Nice attempt to give you a storyline, but the fact is you're not loud and confident, you're dull.
I like Sophie's fuchsia blusher. Sam suits the porn star 'tache. He looks about 15 years older. Sam: 'I've seen an eclipse brighter than that woman.' Sophie: 'what?' Point proved.
Whack a mole. Sophie: 'You beat a girl.' Self sexism!
I don't like the iPad for the shopping list as they can't add it up wrong. Harry could never order 500 bananas again! Boo to that.
Is Sophie welded into that dressing down? There's always one each year who can't be bothered to get dressed each day and just sits around smoking in terry towelling.
Charlie: 'I need to be put in my place.' Callum: earwigging. This conversation is disturbing.
Hazel wants half the money! She deserves it more than Conor did. I hate it when they give away some of the prize money, but they always do it. Charlie wouldn't take half the money if it was offered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Test her! Argh, she wants acceptance. I'm surprised she didn't mention her journey.
Is Gina cooking? Whatever next! Washing up after? Why is Gina trying to poison her housemates? Ah, an easy way to win, I suppose.
Callum: 'I don't want to go before Dexter.' Good luck with that. Dexter ISN'T a villain. Stop comparing yourself to him, you desperado. People aren't keeping Dexter in because they hate him, but because they like him!
Dexter fans: evict Callum for his own sanity. And the twins for mine.

Big Brother 2013: Sulk Hogan

Why do all the girls in the BB house go to sleep with a full face of slap? I'm not convinced I've ever seen Charlie take her spidery mascara off.

Wresting. The best thing since wrestling is anything but wrestling. 

Lion Heart and Lion Kid don't sound very scary. Isn't the plural of nemesis nemeses? 

The wrestler doesn't think the twins are funny either. Callum: you can be creepy Callum.

Sophie: 'Gina, how do you plan to take your 'component' down?' Bit by bit. I like Gina and Hazel. They both look cool in their outfits. I like Gina's socks. OM-Gina, as Callum said the other night. 

Hazel's song should have been Maneater. I bet they're enjoying getting some aggression out! Hazel is kicking Gina's arse. This is fun.

Gina on Hazel: 'she definitely has an evil hobbit inside her.' Gina's laughing at her own jokes in the DR. 

Dexter limbering up, ha. 

Callum doesn't look at ALL camp in that cowboy outfit, does he?! Callum has 'the testicular fortitude - the balls.' Thanks for the translation, Callum. He sure is 'deceptively intelligent.' 

'Crocodile tears on demand.' Is this a new TV show? This conversation between Callum and Dexter is so lame and contrived. Neither of them are doing themselves any favours.

Oh Lord! Callum's American accent! American accents are easy peasy. Dexter wiggling his fingers and going: 'Mwhahahahaha.' Win.

Dexter having a go at Callum's nipple ring! HA! I think that's what made him flip. Dexter's was all jovial and then Callum was really serious and straight-faced. 

Has Dexter been looking down his nose at Callum's family? I think Callum might be over-egging the situation. Gina laughing! This is actually quite uncomfortable viewing. Dexter and Callum back in the 'dressing room' looked like they were waiting for their results at the STI clinic.

Dexter's hiding his pasty body behind a cape. Callum doesn't deserve to have Eminem as his theme music.

Callum tonguing the octopus! He IS desperate. Are you happy you won, Callum? Ah, well at least you've got your dignity intact. Oh.

Callum: 'Dexter makes me feel small.' Grow a fucking spine then! If someone else makes you feel like that, you must have zero character. NO ONE could make me feel small. Except a giant.

Is Dexter genuinely upset or just playing up? Also, did he just say 'peeps'?

Why is Sophie miffed Sam nominated her, she nominated him! I don't think Sam is clever enough to nominate her for strategy. He just doesn't click with you, Sophie.

Callum, stop playing the victim! You're making me sick. You're a grown man, get a grip. 'Underlining' issue. Is it verbal typo night tonight?

Do you know how many times I've heard Callum, Charlie and Dexter say they're drawing a line under things? I'd like to draw that line with fucking Semtex. 

Even Sophie can see through Callum's crap about his family. 

Callum is saying he saw the 'purple mist'. That's reassuring. Charlie: 'I respect you for saying how it is.' You're an idiot.

Callum is playing the sympathy card hard here. What is Gina talking about? Dexter hasn't done anything. Callum is trying to outgame Dexter and he's never going to be able to.

I love the reaction to Callum twisting some offhand thing Dexter said, 'I will stick it in you.' Apparently Dexter said no such thing and if he had, he would have got a warning. 

I don't think these people know the meaning of the word 'deep'. Dexter's arms are going! 'I will do you.' Beavis and Butthead would have a field day with this conversation.

I love the fact Callum was talking to Dexter and he just walked off to get something from the kitchen. Show Mr Byrite some respect! 

Callum on the kitchen counter went on for about 15 minutes last night. Callum was OFF HIS FACE shouting 'bollocks' and ranting and raving. It was quite disturbing. He got called to the DR because he was flipping out on the bed. Callum got off LIGHTLY with the edit here. I wanted to know what they said to Callum when they called him to the Diary Room.

Dexter: 'He knocks me sick.' I do appreciate Sam is sticking up for Callum, but Sam doesn't realise the extent of Callum's loopiness, I don't think. 

I'm voting to evict Callum tonight. I really am drawing a line here. In fact, several. They spell out whatever Callum's 'vote to evict' number is. I'm going to be voting Callum and the twins. If Hazel goes this week, then we really are a nation of women haters.