Morrissey at Brixton Academy 2011

Sorry for the break in service, I've been moving house and changing jobs. But with Big Brother season just around the corner, you can be sure that there will be plenty more rubbish for you to read right here. But first; Morrissey.
If you think there’s been a dent in Morrissey’s popularity lately, you couldn’t be more wrong. I have never seen Brixton Academy so heaving, and I’ve been there for lots of different gigs, including Placebo, who I always figure are more popular. There was barely any breathing room so full was the room of fat sweaty men and the odd fat sweaty woman (me included). We arrived just before 9 (was Kristeen any good?) and he came on pretty much straight away (still saw some of that tired old video he’s still wheeling out, though- I mean, does he really think it’s anything other than torture to watch? I’d rather watch the abattoir vid).
The perfect analogy for the night? Only at Morrissey do you get a boy’s toilet queue that’s longer than a girl’s toilet queue. There seemed to be four blokes for every woman in there, I’ve never seen it so man-heavy.
I might get the order of some of the songs wrong here. He came onto I Want the One I Can’t Have, followed by Irish Blood English Heart (everyone in the room sang along). We noticed there was an England flag stuck to the ceiling but I wasn’t sure if that was deliberate or not, my boyfriend says yes. We were a bit grumpy when we first went in, but Moz always cheers me up (ironically!) and you could soon forget about all the idiots and just be at one with the Moz. He did You Have Killed Me quite early, which I find a it plodding, but my boyfriend likes it.
We had quite a good spot a first but more and more people piled in and it got a bit sardine-like. Ouija Board was AMAZING, they did a really cool version of it, either the guitar or the keyboards sounded really good on it (but no STEPHEN bit… sob- he did a yelp instead). Alma Matters was also really excellent. I love hearing him do stuff from that era.
He did a few duff songs- Black Cloud should surely have been put to bed by now. Scandinavia (a new song) sounded pretty dreary. I like the other new songs though, People are the same everywhere, and Action is my middle name.
The guy in front of us was on Facebook ‘At Brixton Academy with Laura’- why not try watching Morrissey then, you cretin.
Moz made a few comments but nothing outrageous, ‘As if David Cameron has ever been to Tottenham’ and saying Prince Charles and ‘Camel’ (oh dear- it’s nearly as bad as the Royal ‘dreading’) came face to face with the British public at last’ during the student protests last year (yes, very current, Moz). This got a big cheer.
He did Speedway which was for a long time my favourite Morrissey song, and once I saw it (I think it was at Brixton, too) and it was one of the best moments of my life but this time it was marred slightly by some idiot woman’s gross white handbag sticking in my back. After that he played that bloody song about George Alagiah- also rubbish!
we moved back a bit then as we were getting proper crushed and got a drink. He did an amazing mid-section with I Know it’s Over (I’ve dreamed of that moment) and even though I was basically at the back then, I just focussed on him, and it nearly made me cry. His voice sounded so good on it. That song is probably my favourite Smiths song, and it was a real privilege to hear it live, as I never thought I would. He followed this with Every Day is Like Sunday (we had a dance in the bar) and There is a Light… I mean that’s a pretty strong three in a row. He then followed that with Throwing My Arms around Paris (zzz). Meat is Murder actually sounded pretty good, and I couldn’t see the abattoir vid from where I was, which I’m grateful for.
He also did a song called Art Hounds which was quite good and he spelt out the title for us 'hounds as in hounds of the baskervilles' like he was an OAP calling the gas board. There was also another fight in front of us, I think I attract absolute morons everywhere I go. This guy was psised off his face.
There must be more songs I’m missing. There was This No Charming Man (good) and no The Loop (thank fuck) but he finished with First of the Gang… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Could there be a more predictable and boring ending… come on Moz. I’d rather hear Last Night I dreamt…
On the whole though, a really good gig, slap bang in the middle of my Morrissey experiences. I was trying to work out how many times I’ve seen Morrissey now, and I think it must be something between 20 and 30. Nothing could ever top the glory of being down the front at ‘Who put the M into Manchester’ or seeing him at such close quarters in Yarmouth but it’s always nice to see the old fella, and show him that his real fans do really love him, no matter what, and forever.
He’s been getting a hard time lately, but I hope he knows (and he does) that Morrissey Solo is has about as much relevance to what being a Morrissey fan as I have to being a Robbie Williams fan. Solo means nothing and is nothing, and the only good thing it ever did was introduce me to the love of my life. The rest of it should be drowned in the nearest river, because what they’ll never understand is that Morrissey is about the man, and the man is in the songs. And songs like that you don’t ever turn your back on. And thank god we do have popstars who can say things that aren’t acceptable, or part of the status quo, because we need it. And anything he’s ever said to shock has always been considered. Every ‘controversy’ has been designed, because he’s not stupid. And men like him come along once or twice a lifetime, so you’d better hang onto him. Because you know as well as I if he dropped down dead tomorrow you’d be on the bandwagon quicker than I could say ‘Johnny Marr’.
PS: Brixton is a hellhole, even more noticeably so now I live almost outside London.

The First Election Debate

Yes! I am an intellectual! Look- politics. Look there it is, all old and male and ugly, standing in front of a set that looks like a gaudy kid's quiz show gone wrong..
Now, this is how intellectual I am; I saw David Cameron speak for the first time about one week ago, when I watched that botched interview he did with a gay mag. I was struck by how posh he was! He's a proper toff. All that 'call me Dave' stuff had suckered me in.
Obviously, there's nothing wrong with being posh. But there is something wrong with being a hypocrite, and enjoying killing animals. Oh, and being a liar.
Who's presenting this then, Cat Deeley? Nah, fuck her, get Ian Wright to do it. I'd like to see him call Cameron a mug. Oh, they've plumped for Alistair Stewart, not just as good as Sheriff John Burnell, his American police/camera/action style counterpart. Plus Burnell wouldn't be caught dead drink driving.
First up, Nick Clegg. Started by slagging off the other two; not a good start. Nice yellow tie though. Go yellows!
Ooh Gordon's mic is a bit dodgy. Cut him off. Lose him in a cloud of volcanic ash. It's probably just his dandruff anyway. Economy? Isn't it his fault we're fucked in the first place? You can't even blame B.Liar (tm) Browny was in charge of the briefcase action for the past decade. His tie doesn't look red either. Why should I vote for a man who can't co-ordinate with his own party? Get Gok in, sort the fucker out.
David Cameron; half man, half egg. His face looks totally flat. Plate face, my boyfriend would say, maturely (he's 35). Ahh Cameron is sucking up to Labour. Nice tactic.
Immigration: boring. Gordon Brown sounds like he's reading something. Less students? Yeah, less students, more murderers and rapists! Cameron: 'I hate foreigners' (that's what he's thinking). Mentioned a black person moaning about immigration- no one will see through that one! Clegg: white noise. He looks the most normal though. And he's the liberal.
Fuck this is so mind numbingly boring it's untrue. We're not even at the first break yet.
LAW AND ORDER. This will be more exciting. Murder! Prison sentences. Nick Clegg seems the most passionate. Well, he's the most desperate.
Sorry I took a phonecall then and missed some (honest).
Gordon Brown just said 'far more smaller.' He is our PM! He can't even speak ENGLISH!
MPs, expenses, house of commons. Don't care.
The poshest child on the planet just asked a question about education. Something tells me this kid doesn't need to worry.
Sorry I can't follow this at all. I mean, I can follow it, I'm not an imbecile, but it's really painful. Has David Cameron had botox? He's frowning but his Ant McPartlin-style sixhead isn't wrinkling.
Why is this on ITV anyway? They should have it on all 5 channels in differing styles. So Ian Wright presenting the Five version in words of one syllable or less, Heston Blumenthal doing a combining a cookery show with lively banter, and Jeremy Clarkson driving them round and hopefully doing a Hamster with them for the BBC. Put us all out of our misery.
I liked the begging bit at the end; it reminded me of when the families and friends of big brother contestants plead for votes. Aw, they remembered the names of some people in the audience. Cute.
This could be the worst blog I've EVER written, I apologise. I was too bloody minded to quit once I started.
Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to vote Labour because I don't want that stag-shooting Humpty Dumpty running the country. The yellers haven't got a hope. It's a depressing vote; but what choice do we have?