Review: Mario Kart Wii

I grew up with Mario Kart. I can still remember the front room of my house being full of smoke and teenage boys and cups of tea as my brothers and their mates played it on the N64 and would let me play every now and then. Years later Mario Kart: Double Dash for the Gamecube was a bit of a letdown but me and MY friends still played the hell out of it for... years. I was playing it up to this year. You either get the whole Nintendo thing or you don't, and I had it ingrained in me, like chip shops and britpop.
So it was with trepidation and excitement I approached Mario Kart Wii, fearful they might have fucked up something so precious again. But what do you know... they've cracked it! It's fucking ace. It really feels like they care about the characters and the gameplay again and they've listened to the previous fans grumblings.
I was scared of the wheel, but it's really good fun. Having said that, we've played it without (with the gamecube controllers) and it's about 5 million times easier. But the wheel is nuts. The tracks are wicked as well. The new tracks are brilliant- it's crazy time, driving up the walls, weird acid-like trips in Bowser's castle, and more mushrooms than you can shake a stick at. I LOVE the snowy track, and the leafy track (I'm not looking up the names! What am I, a boy?) Another great aspect though, is they have revived a bunch of old tracks from various Nintendo formats. So you get the proper nostalgia trip. How weird is it that your brain still remembers it's way around a track from ten years before? Why would your brain store that information? It's like hearing an old song- and you're there. It's a really nice touch.
What else? The characters are good, the karts are good, the bikes are good. As usual, it's bloody hard, and bloody unfair in the extreme, but I like some of the new power-ups, the bullet thing is good if you're in last place, and the squid thing that goes all over your opponents screen is pretty funny.
Can someone tell me how to hook the Wii up to the internet cos we don't have a clue here. I want to play the world!
Mario is back, back, back! Luigi can still fuck off though.
PS. I can't wait for Wii Fitness! Surely I'll go on it more than once if I fork out £70?

Wii: The Latest

So we've had the Wii for a couple of months now... and I still haven't tired of making minature representations of friends and family alike (as well as Hitler, Conor Oberst, Morrissey etc). In fact I prefer dealing with my friends on this level; choosing their favourite colour, mulling over the exact shade of their hair, wondering how tall they are in proportion to Jesus. The only Mii I can't get right is myself: I just can't make it look like me. I tried making a less cartoony, uglier one, and my boyfriend said it was just wrong wrong wrong. So I dunno. Maybe I jus cannot be represented through ovals, funny lips and jaggedy haircuts. Maybe I'm just SPECIAL!
Sport is cool, of course, truly groundbreaking: the tennis is amazing but I'm crap at it. Bowling is too easy. Golf is the best.
On the games front, they're a bit slow on releasing them, aint they? I want a good proper golf game! I hate gold in real life, but gold on the computer is mellow. I want Wii aerobics! That sort of thing. I want Mario Kart but with decent steering. Is this possible?
Raymans Raving Rabbits was kind of a let down, except the game where you draw round the food, or make the rabbits play a funny tune you have to memorise. I like those two. but is this worth £39??? Not of my money!
The Wii controls are of course, supremely cool. We have Wario Ware: Smooth Moves now, and all the different ways of controlling it are super cool, but it does rather take away the POINT of Wario Ware, which was not knowing what the FUCK was going on and just winging it for two seconds. I like the dancing boss level. I like the darts.
We have Monkey Ball and the only thing we play on it is the darts! I fucking HATE the concept of Monkey Ball, wiggling round these stupid, infuriating levels. Just fuck off. The darts though? Genius.
Perhaps most tellingly (and embarrassingly) my favourite Wii game is one of the games on the Play disc that you get with the spare remote. I don't even know what it's called, but basically you have to look for lookalike Miis on levels that get harder and harder. My brain is good at this, and I can kick my boyfriends arse. Also, I think it's a good work out for your mental faculties. I like spotting three Simon Cowells on the escalator, or four Eminems in the swimming pool. It appeals to me.
But yeah. Bring out some new games, Mario. I know you run the show. The technology is amazing, so bring it on. We're waiting!