Friday, 14 February 2014

Review: RoboCop 2014

I took my boyfriend on a date to see the new RoboCop last night! Oh the romance. And on the bus home I broke the news to my boyfriend about the Morrissey, Cliff Richard and Tom Jones gig, which I still won’t believe is real until I see it, and I also refuse to see it, so in my mind it will just remain a bad dream, even though everyone is talking about it and laughing at me. Well, ha bloody ha.  
NB: This blog will contain very mild spoilers. But it’s a blog about a new film, what do you expect!?
Anyway, RoboCop. RoboCop is my boyfriend’s favourite film and I think he must have seen it 500 times. I have seen it with him about 15 times and I still can’t remember what happens half the time, but he does, going, ‘this is a good bit coming up’ every five minutes. A lot of people seem to be being quite prissy and precious about this new RoboCop, ‘oh it’s a PG’, ‘oh, his suit is black’, ‘oh it’s not a satire’ but my boyfriend was just like, ‘It’s ROBOCOP!’
The added bonus for all straight women and gay and bi men (inclusive!) going to watch the film, is the new RoboCop is played by Swedish hottie Joel Kinnaman. If you’ve not watched the US version of The Killing, you’ve missed out on him playing a reformed-junkie cop who talks like a bad rapper, yet there is something so endearingly warm about him you just want to sit in a police car smoking fags in the pouring rain with him, whilst young girls get murdered all around you.
The new RoboCop director José Padilha obviously thought the same, as he gives Joel the same accent in this role, oh and he’s a cop, as well, as the title suggests. Typecast? Who cares. I was worried Joel doesn’t quite have the lips for the role (RoboCop needs a good pair of lips, as that’s the only bit you can see most of the time) but luckily he has his visor up quite a lot so we can look at his lovely face. Although the bit where you see he’s just a head, lungs and a hand is a bit off-putting. How are you going to have robosex at this rate (come on, it’s what everyone is thinking)?
I’m going to fess up now and say despite being forced to watch the original many times, the only things that really stick in my mind about it is that robot going nutso at the beginning and the sad bit when RoboCop (the dude) dies. The new film does not follow the same plot but has lots of elements the same.
Samuel L Jackson is exactly as you’d expect him to be as the news anchor championing RoboCops. I liked the start where they showed the how the robots worked in Tehran. I liked all the bits where Joel Kinnaman was human. I didn’t even mind the one flashbacky/dream bit as I got to see his real body again. His wife is lovely but dull, which is a bit of a shame, especially as there is a strong female character in the original RoboCop.
Gary Oldman plays the doctor who puts Alex Murphy back together after something bad happens to him (different to the original) and Michael Keaton is the mastermind trying to market the cops in America. Both actors can be annoying at times, and good in other things (Gary Oldman will never top Drexel in True Romance, for example: ‘It aint white boy day, is it?’) but both were reliable in this.
For a PG I thought the film was still quite violent, but less bloody and probably less scary than the original. As you’d expect, it focuses more on the action and things blowing up.
The black suit WAS a bit crap, I preferred the original, but I didn’t mind the motorbike. We laughed a few times ‘I’m in marketing!’ but it probably wasn’t as funny as the original.
It felt like quite a long film but didn’t drag at all, unlike most long films I’ve watched lately that could have done with a bloody good edit (Hunger Games 2 – Catching Fire, for example, could have happily lost the first 45 minutes).
I was a bit wary of seeing this film as out of the corner of my eye I had seen hints of some duff reviews, but I enjoyed it much more than I expected. I like sci fi, I like futuristic things, and I like Joel Kinnaman, so I was sold. My boyfriend also enjoyed it, and he actually knows about these things, so STFU Robosnobs.
My view on remakes is the same as cover versions: if you’re going in wanting the same as the original, just watch or listen to the original. A cover version should offer us a different take on a song, just ask Darius, or more sensibly, see The Killers version of the Bright Eyes song Four Winds. I’m talking taking a country song and turning it electro. Nice. That’s what the RoboCop reboot does; it takes a classic, and presents it to you in a different way. If you’re the kind of movie snob who has made their mind up going in that it’s going to be crap, then yes, you’ll probably find plenty to bitch and moan about. But I’m a person who was glad to see Big Brother picked up by Channel 5, even if it was an inferior version (at first) because I LOVE BIG BROTHER, like my boyfriend LOVES ROBOCOP. So if you love RoboCop, why not be pleased to see him again, black suit or otherwise?
Having said this, I thought Rec 3 was more entertaining than Rec 1, so you probably can’t trust my opinion on anything. Rec 2 is obviously the best though; ‘RELAX!’ *hides behind pillow*

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