The World's Strangest Plastic Surgery and me

Mark Dolan is back! Can I do my poor man's Louis Theroux shtick again? Probably not. OK, he's the female Dawn Porter. I kind of like him and don't like him, it's weird.
First he went to see 'the American Barbie doll' who was clearly just fame hungry. Despite her being late, Mark kissed her (plastic) arse hard when she finally showed after six hours. Needless to say, she looked revolting. Then her nostril collapsed whilst filming. Yum! Turns out she had body dysmorphia; no shit.
OMG she looked like an alien when she was getting injected! And she sounded like she was having an orgasm. Extra creepy.
The next woman he went to see had been crafted by two successive plastic surgeon husbands. The second husband delighted in showing Mark porn mags with his wife in. Charming. Oh, and he sewed her hymen up to make her a 'virgin' again! This is taking objectification to a new low. She said she was 'his property' quite proudly.
Then there was some superfluous stuff about her 'singing' talent, and she mimed a song in some awful club that looked like something out of Borat. Next!
Next he met someone with some serious body-modification called Stalking Cat. He was so deformed he could barely speak. OMG he even had little tiny teeth like a cat! Nutso. For some reason had breast implants, too. Mark failed to ask him why. Good journalism!
This person was clearly seriously mentally ill. How did he find someone to do that to him?! Where? Mark asked none of these questions, and the show ended abruptly. What would Louis say?

Documentary: The World's Most Enhanced Woman and Me

Is this a new series of this, or a repeat? Mark Dolan (i.e. the male Dawn Porter) this week goes to find the women who has deformed herself most grotesquely with boob jobs. I was going to blog this last week when he did the world's cleverest child but it was kind of boring. Give me Dawn having an orgy any day. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Anyway, this week Fauxis Theroux went to meet women with HUGE boobs. These women made Jordan look like Keira Knightley. I thought this had gone out of fashion, too, but apparently there are still a few mega-freaks out there.
I thought it was interesting to find out 'why', why indeed? Men, money, insecurity?
The first woman he met showed him her old four-and-a-half litre implants, which looked exactly like the kind of bags you take home from the fair with a goldfish in. Nice. It leaked into her body and made her brain swell up. Yummy!
He didn't seem to learn much from the first woman he met; he just seemed to be objectifying her. Hmm. Then he went to meet a big boob fan (i.e. a sleaze). This led him to a woman called Minka who had a stupid amount of cleavage and yorkshire terriers.
Minka had 4 litre breasts and a tiny waist. Each one weighs the equivalent of 4 bags of sugar and they were four times bigger than her head. As Placebo once said, 'there's no escaping gravity.'
Her manager 'Woody' called her 'a commodity' and said 'have you ever seen an Asian that looks like that?' Charmed, I'm sure!
The sad part was, she actually wanted to be a tennis player, but her 'manager' (who also stars with her in the films) decided on another future for her. Sucking his cock and disfiguring herself.
How she can play tennis with those boobs, I have no idea. Mark Dolan stood there looking disgusted, but that was about it.
Next Mark went to Brazil to meet Shayla Hershey who was having an operation to become the most enhanced woman in the world. She doesn't do porn or go topless, she's more of a Jordan figure (without the glamour start in life). Her boobs are so big, she is bent over with a bad back. Great. It was weird watching her jiggling her boobs for photos in the shopping mall. Even Jordan isn't that shameless.
It turned out her boyfriend persuaded her to have the breast implants. Oh dear. It was actually quite disturbing when she was posing for pics straight after her operation; something wasn't right in her head. She didn't seem very happy, did she?
I like it when my blog is about something naughty. Watch my hits go up as disappointed men find my blog instead of enormo-jug action.

The World's Tallest Woman... and me

This was on last week but I only just watched it... sorry, when Big Brother is back on I will blog RELIGIOUSLY and you know it. I've cancelled summer especially. Just give me a TV and the digital spy messageboard and that's all I'll need for three months straight.
So I was fully expecting the usual channel five style freak-show, and instead I find that speccy bloke off Balls of Steel is trying to set himself up as the next Louis Theroux. Fair enough, I don't mind him much. And Dave Gorman's last documentary was boring as fuck.
So Mark Dolan (yes, that's his name) went (as the title suggests) to try and find the world's tallest woman. Throughout he insists it's not a freak-show, but obviously it is, and he knows it. Besides, that's what people want. Just give them it!
Those men who fancy gigantic women are a bit strange aren't they? Mind you, it could be (and often is) worse (remember the rubber doll documentary? Argh!) It'd be horrible if you knew someone was with you for that, like those feeder guys. Hmm, I could do with one of those feeder guys to bring me loads of KFC every day. Oh my god, what am I saying?!
Then (by accident) he met a woman who was 114 and looked every inch of it. It's a bit cruel really, to be that old. Luckily, I'll never know!
Then he went to meet a REAL giant called Sandy. She had enormous hands and a REALLY deep voice! She was six foot three at the age of 10!
But who he met next was even taller. She was seven foot nine! Her shoes were the biggest things I'd ever seen! They were bloody enormous. She made Mark Dolan look like a toddler sitting next to her.
It's sad really because they are all so tall because of medical conditions like tumours and no one loves them. Aw.
This blog featured way too many brackets. But I LOVE brackets.