TRANSform me (someone call the glambulance)

Hello folks, sorry it's been a little quiet on the blog front, I'm moving house tomorrow! I'm leaving the mean streets of London, for the seaside fun of Brighton! I also have a new job, so things are a bit mental at the moment. Still; change is good.
I should really have written a blog about Eastenders ludicrous gang storyline, but words fail me. I mean, do they take us for idiots, or just presume it's only idiots watching? It's a conundrum. I might give up Eastenders when I move. Honest!
Anyway; on with the show, which is another VH1 reality series (they generally make pretty good reality shows) called Transform me, which is a makeover show about... can you guess? Transsexuals! I know, whoever thought of that title basically just built the show around it.
Oh OK, it's not about transsexuals, but the trannies are the hosts. Am I allowed to say trannies? I'm not even sure. So it's like Queer Eye for the Straight guy, but with transgender women and dowdy female participants. They even have a glitterball in their car! What could go wrong? I miss Queer Eye! It was the ultimate feel-good TV. This better be good.
Oh my god, it's not a car, it's an ambulance! Is a makeover show an appropriate use for an ambulance? It seems in poor taste considering they don't even got free health care. Yes I did just write 'don't even got'. This programme is a bad influence on me. OMG it's called a Glambulance! I take it all back; genius.
Nicole their first victim, sorry... no, I can't even think of another word for it, was reasonably frumpy, but not that bad. I'm nervous about what they might do to her, they all have mini skirts, massive hair and exaggerated make-up, it's like Live from Studio Five before Melinda Messenger left.
It was weird when they tried to give a little talk on transforming and seeing the person inside and Nicole looked shocked they were trannies. What show did she think she'd signed up for?
It all got kind of emotional in the middle. I like the hosts, actually, under all the frippery. They made her look cute, better that they do on Snog Marry Avoid, where they suck their personality out and stick some manky old wig on them.
This is totally just Trans Eye for the Straight Girl. But that's OK.
My next blog will be when BT plugs me back in, which thanks to Easter, is not going to be until next week. Until then, my friends. Have a good one.

Miss Naked Beauty

This programme was ridiculous! I only watched it because Platell slated it so bad in the Mail, (I think she's a homophobe) and I too hated it, but for a different reason. One. It is patronising as fuck. This 'natural beauty' thing is a crock; MOST of the women were still thin or normal weight. Conversely, I feel sorry for women who are genuinely thin and are constantly being told they are anorexic (but not THAT sorry). Two. It is NOT traumatic to have no make up on. You are not 'brave' or 'incredible'. It's your fucking face, you thickos! Deal with it, we have to.
It was cruel to make them wear bikinis then spray them with hoses though. Gok was giving it a load of flannel about 'the beauty inside' (is that why you lost several stone?) and 'loving yourself'. Also, what was the point in Mylene (in fact, that question extends far beyond this show).
It makes me angry/ sad to see how much the average woman on the street hates themselves and their appearance (even the beautiful ones). It shouldn't be that way. I hate fashion magazines/ makeover shows/ plastic surgery for making us feel that way. I hate fashion full stop- it is an entirely empty world.
This programme was just as vindictive in a way as 10 Years Younger; the women were still being judged on their appearance by a bunch of cunts (Mica Paris, dear God, please help me). It was supposed to be an anti-Miss World, but they were still harping on about wanting to do something 'worthwhile', as if the sight of a normal woman is going to rock the earth on it's axis.
Well it isn't. NB. I once saw Gok in the street in Covent Garden and he looked me up and down dissaprovingly.