Big Brother 2013: Sulk Hogan

Why do all the girls in the BB house go to sleep with a full face of slap? I'm not convinced I've ever seen Charlie take her spidery mascara off.

Wresting. The best thing since wrestling is anything but wrestling. 

Lion Heart and Lion Kid don't sound very scary. Isn't the plural of nemesis nemeses? 

The wrestler doesn't think the twins are funny either. Callum: you can be creepy Callum.

Sophie: 'Gina, how do you plan to take your 'component' down?' Bit by bit. I like Gina and Hazel. They both look cool in their outfits. I like Gina's socks. OM-Gina, as Callum said the other night. 

Hazel's song should have been Maneater. I bet they're enjoying getting some aggression out! Hazel is kicking Gina's arse. This is fun.

Gina on Hazel: 'she definitely has an evil hobbit inside her.' Gina's laughing at her own jokes in the DR. 

Dexter limbering up, ha. 

Callum doesn't look at ALL camp in that cowboy outfit, does he?! Callum has 'the testicular fortitude - the balls.' Thanks for the translation, Callum. He sure is 'deceptively intelligent.' 

'Crocodile tears on demand.' Is this a new TV show? This conversation between Callum and Dexter is so lame and contrived. Neither of them are doing themselves any favours.

Oh Lord! Callum's American accent! American accents are easy peasy. Dexter wiggling his fingers and going: 'Mwhahahahaha.' Win.

Dexter having a go at Callum's nipple ring! HA! I think that's what made him flip. Dexter's was all jovial and then Callum was really serious and straight-faced. 

Has Dexter been looking down his nose at Callum's family? I think Callum might be over-egging the situation. Gina laughing! This is actually quite uncomfortable viewing. Dexter and Callum back in the 'dressing room' looked like they were waiting for their results at the STI clinic.

Dexter's hiding his pasty body behind a cape. Callum doesn't deserve to have Eminem as his theme music.

Callum tonguing the octopus! He IS desperate. Are you happy you won, Callum? Ah, well at least you've got your dignity intact. Oh.

Callum: 'Dexter makes me feel small.' Grow a fucking spine then! If someone else makes you feel like that, you must have zero character. NO ONE could make me feel small. Except a giant.

Is Dexter genuinely upset or just playing up? Also, did he just say 'peeps'?

Why is Sophie miffed Sam nominated her, she nominated him! I don't think Sam is clever enough to nominate her for strategy. He just doesn't click with you, Sophie.

Callum, stop playing the victim! You're making me sick. You're a grown man, get a grip. 'Underlining' issue. Is it verbal typo night tonight?

Do you know how many times I've heard Callum, Charlie and Dexter say they're drawing a line under things? I'd like to draw that line with fucking Semtex. 

Even Sophie can see through Callum's crap about his family. 

Callum is saying he saw the 'purple mist'. That's reassuring. Charlie: 'I respect you for saying how it is.' You're an idiot.

Callum is playing the sympathy card hard here. What is Gina talking about? Dexter hasn't done anything. Callum is trying to outgame Dexter and he's never going to be able to.

I love the reaction to Callum twisting some offhand thing Dexter said, 'I will stick it in you.' Apparently Dexter said no such thing and if he had, he would have got a warning. 

I don't think these people know the meaning of the word 'deep'. Dexter's arms are going! 'I will do you.' Beavis and Butthead would have a field day with this conversation.

I love the fact Callum was talking to Dexter and he just walked off to get something from the kitchen. Show Mr Byrite some respect! 

Callum on the kitchen counter went on for about 15 minutes last night. Callum was OFF HIS FACE shouting 'bollocks' and ranting and raving. It was quite disturbing. He got called to the DR because he was flipping out on the bed. Callum got off LIGHTLY with the edit here. I wanted to know what they said to Callum when they called him to the Diary Room.

Dexter: 'He knocks me sick.' I do appreciate Sam is sticking up for Callum, but Sam doesn't realise the extent of Callum's loopiness, I don't think. 

I'm voting to evict Callum tonight. I really am drawing a line here. In fact, several. They spell out whatever Callum's 'vote to evict' number is. I'm going to be voting Callum and the twins. If Hazel goes this week, then we really are a nation of women haters.

Big Brother 2013: He's gonna kill us all

Last night on live feed Callum went from cringebag to loony tunes. He browbeat Charlie into the ground. Even so, all Charlie has to do is scream 'fuck off!' at him and it would be 'case closed.' I think she likes the psychological abuse in a way; let's face it, she must have grown up with enough from mad Jackie.
Callum and Sam are pervs; not exactly a newsflash.
Frog-gate! What a croak. Where's Wolfy when you need her? 'What do you have to teach me, Freddo?' The twins: 'he's going to kill us all!' That was actually quite funny. Frogs are cool. My cats used to bring in frogs and they used to jump under the oven and get fried. Ah... memories.
Dexter to Gina: 'you wearing contacts is like putting furry dice in a Ferarri.' Does she wear coloured contacts? Ha, Dexter's style is like a Ford Fiesta. It would have been better if you'd said that to his face.
Gina sighing about Charlie's fashion sense. Hilarious! I think Gina is angling for a fashion show here. She could be the new face of eek or chic.
This is like BBUS when they do a shopping task, except they get to keep the clothes in the US and they get to put on as many as they can in a minute. Are they getting to keep these? I don't think Very is that generous. This is convenient as Gina was just talking about clothes! I like Callum's sunglasses top. That's officially his best piece of clothing.
What is Hazel wearing?! I bet Gina and Dexter are like 'ugh, catalogue clothes' about the clothes from Very.
Oh God, the twins are trying to do a Jade Goody. No, not that.
I like Sam's flowery shirt. I noticed him wearing it on LF last night and thought I'd never seen it before. It's weird when housemates bust out new clothes halfway through a series, unnerving, even.
Twins: 'shut up. No, you shut up, etc.' Is it just me or are they giving them a bad edit? If so, yay. Now they're showing them slagging off Dexter, too, right before nominations.
If the housemates are happy to go to 'jail' for a slice of pizza, they should make the punishment putting them up for nomination instead. I actually like it when the housemates rebel; what are they going to do, send security in like they didn't do for the Pratts? That's quite funny that they sent the others to jail instead. Is going to jail really that bad? It doesn't look that bad.
Twin would have 'tooken' the punishment. Is he five? That's got to be the evil twin goading them in prison!
Callum did not look happy when they showed Dexter's noms!
Charlie kind of looked like she was laughing when they showed Callum's. He looked sad. Charlie said later they forced her to say nasty things, lol.
Dexter looked happy when they showed the twins nominations! Gina's not up, yay! Ha, Dexter immediately turned on Sam for nominating him. Sam's hair looks good tonight. At least Sam stood his ground against him.
Dexter: 'from having ten people put me up to only having four is a big improvement.' There's not ten people in the house anymore, Dexter!
Callum: 'I should have nominated Charlie.' One, you're not allowed to say that, and two, bullshit! That's hurt feelings talking.
Callum vs Dexter in the kitchen. Dexter's disappointed that they didn't show him saying 'Callum has got eyes like a serial killer.' Ha. Callum's face DOES look scary sometimes!
They better show Callum falling backwards through a door on this last bit of show.
Callum: 'Five words. I'm there, I know now.' Hands up if you think he's 'there'. Sam: 'she backstabbed you.' Why is Sam so red in the face?
Callum has got soooooo little awareness of how he actually is, it's unreal, and in more ways than one. He's talking to Sam in the most patronising tone I've ever heard. He's deaf, not a fucking child.
Did Dexter REALLY just say the word 'journey' again TWICE? Every time Dexter says journey I'm going to vote for Gina in the final.
Dexter 'lost his girlfriend because of Charlie.' No. You lost your girlfriend because you're a cock.
I didn't realise Sophie and Sam were sitting so close when Charlie and Callum had this highly disturbing half hour conversation.
Charlie is such a shady cow. Seriously, this bitch got no nominations after the way she behaves. She's abusive, just like he is. She's a wrong 'un because she pretends to be 'a nice person.'
Charlie: 'You've lost your biggest fan.' Callum is Charlie's biggest fan like Stan is Eminem's biggest fan. Callum is being creepy and psychotic here and what they showed there was a mere sliver of how that conversation was actually run; like a hostage situation. If Callum doesn't leave her alone after this, he's really a lost cause.
Good news for Hazel; they decided to barely show her at all on the highlights tonight. Keep your head down and your mouth shut and let Callum and the twins keep digging...

Big Brother 2013: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, journey, journey, journey, journey

Evening! I just watched two episodes of Big Brother US, so you can't say I'm not having a productive start to the week. I've also been drinking! Here's to life.
WHY are Charlie and Hazel still sharing a bed?! There must be spare beds in the house now, there's only three weeks left. Didn't Dan have a bed?
Charlie PLEASE STFU about the 'Daley situation'. Charlie: 'she knows I've got issues with not thinking before I speak.' TRY THINKING BEFORE YOU SPEAK THEN.
Callum is going to put his foot down 'briefly'. That was smooth, Callum, real smooth.
Charlie is saying sorry, despite Dexter saying she wouldn't. Charlie: 'yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.' STOP SAYING THAT.
Look how good Hazel looks compared to Charlie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hazel is being quite reasonable.
Following task. Well, it's not like they can get away from each other, is it? They can't pop down the shops.
Twins can barely fit in that Diary Room chair anymore. They're having to take it on an angle now.
My boyfriend just went 'Where's Dan?' Good question.
Here's a classic example of them talking about being famous afterwards. You're not going to be! The twins don't class themselves as TV personalities. That's lucky. Dexter: 'we've signed our own death warrants.' Not quite.
Nominations! I don't know who's up. I normally do. Is there a twist?!
Gina nommed Jack and Joe and Hazel. I notice she didn't nominate Dexter.
Even Sophie is getting involved in the twins actressy arguments now. As if two doing it wasn't bad enough.
Charlie is nominating Callum. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. Why don't you tell Callum how you feel about him if he's bugging you! Charlie can't have 'in depth conversations' in front of the twins. Does she mean endlessly banging on about themselves? Those twins should walk in more often. Charlie didn't nominate Hazel, even after cucumbergate. Good.
The twins are nominating Dexter! Haven't they got the memo yet? OMG I just realised no one's nominating Hazel! LOL! They must realise she's a shoe in to go?! These people have got NO GAME. Their strategy is nil.
I'd LOVE to see Callum, Charlie and the twins up! Deadwood fire! Callum and Sam are in the 'lad's banter' chairs.
Hazel put up Callum for not sticking up for her. Fence sitter! Ooh, Hazel didn't nominate Charlie either. Interesting. Dexter votes. She didn't even nominate Gina. She must know it's pointless.
Dexter, desperate: 'I need a cuddle.' Dexter, get the hint, you freak. Charlie must wear some AMAZING perfume because I have NO CLUE what they see in her.
Sam nominated Sophie! Those safe house bonds are strong. Dexter's picking up a few. I don't think he'll go, though.
Sophie nominated cringebag Callum for sexually assaulting the 'spray tannist' and Hazel (boo).
Callum nommed Dexter and said 'he should be arrested because it must be illegal to talk that much crap.' He's been working on that one. Should have had a word in Dan's ear when he was in there. I knew Callum would nominate Hazel because it's a kiss-ass vote to Charlie.
Dexter nominated Callum and the twins. That means Hazel, Callum, twins and Dexter are up. I wish it was vote to save and then Callum would go. I wish Hazel had dodged that bullet this week. I hope it's a double eviction.
The twin getting stroked by Hazel and Charlie is gross.
Gina: 'would you rather sleep with Jackie than Jemima?' We know Sam's answer!
Dexter sounds like he's warming up for some 'journey' talk. Check! Even Gina is jumping on the 'we're the outsiders' bandwagon. It's too knowing.
Dexter: 'seven weeks on the block is a joke.' Try changing your strategy then! It's not up to you who others put up.
LOL they're showing the noms on the screens. Hilarious! There's going to be some good fall out from this. Brilliant! If Callum still sniffs round Charlie after this it would be embarrassing. Get the message, Callum. Stay away from her. I don't think they showed Callum what Sophie said about the spray tans assault?
The reasons Hazel were nominated weren't bad at all. They were strategy votes definitely.
Gina: 'they didn't show the things I said that were nice.' That's cos there weren't any. Ha, that was really funny. Good stuff. Callum looks like he's going to EXPLODE! Bet Charlie and Hazel are pleased they didn't nom each other. Looking foward to the live feed!

Big Brother 2013: Fakes one to know one

Cucumbergate! It was bad enough on live feed and now I have to witness the highlights of it, of which there were none. Here are the facts: Charlie is a dull, repetitive drunk who provokes people and shows no remorse. Dan would have sorted that argument out and stopped it going on for hours on end. Remembering Dan: the house rock.
Dexter: 'Alpha characters are going to have to rise up through the ranks.' Shut up! You're driving me nuts.
Callum will 'stick to what he does best.' What is that, exactly? He's 'man enough' to admit cooking's not one of his strengths. How manly.
I think Gina is targeting Hazel because she knows the public don't like her and she's capitalising on it. Her calling Hazel fake is a bit rich, to be honest.
Callum to Charlie: 'what do you see when you look in the mirror?' Is it... bad highlights? If that's a 'deep chat' God help us.
Home grown cucumbers! How lovely, I certainly hope nobody gets poked in the eye with one, lol.
Charlie is being a cow not even committing to seeing Callum in the outside when she's always hanging out with him in the house. Why doesn't she just say 'I don't fancy you, but yeah we can go out for a drink as friends if you're ever in [wherever she and her bitch mother lives].' DONE! Otherwise, if you're really not interested in even being friends, stop talking to him.
Art attack. I like the red lippy and the berets. Sam drew Dexter kissing Charlie's arse. Gina drew herself as a white person. Charlie mentioned her JOURNEY. I'd like to journey my fist down her throat and shit her up. Dexter mentioned his journey, too. Is it journey tourettes today? JOURNEY! Callum has drawn a big black dick.
The twins, 'I'm not being funny...' we know you're not!
Oh, they're getting real letters from home. Remember when Dexter said he didn't want photos from home because it was a sign of weakness? I liked that Dexter. My boyfriend hates the letters from home. They make me blub because I'm a sap.
Couldn't Charlie have got a letter from a family member who wasn't mad Jackie? 'Learn from your mistakes.' Take no advice from this old bitch is my advice.
I wonder if Hazel had pertinent parts of her letter blacked out like in prison? Hers seemed very generic.
Gina's letter was nice from her mum, very personal and genuine.
Nice of Sam's parents to invite Callum over. It's more than Charlie could muster. Dexter's mum bigged up Gina! Strategy.
Hazel, don't show signs of weakness! It's against your ethos.
Gina is telling Charlie to think before she speaks. I guess Charlie is not listening. Callum: 'It's going to be good every day from now on.' If you say so. Cue cucumbers.
I thought cucumber was good for the eyes. I wish Hazel could get Charlie evicted for poking her in the eye with a cucumber. Charlie is interminable. The whole thing was a joke and not worth arguing about. Callum said, 'yeah she was aggressive, but there was no malice there.'
Charlie, I suggest you stop drinking. Hazel, milk the eye injury! Get her an eye patch.
It's not Hazel's fault that Charlie got called to the DR. Hazel AND the twins face was PRICELESS when Charlie said, 'it's like how Daley felt.' In fact, Hazel went through several faces in the LF.
Charlie proceeded to make the whole thing about how she'd been wronged for the next hour and a half; believe me, I watched it.
Charlie's defence of 'I don't think before I speak' is wearing thin, and if she can't control her mouth when she's drinking, then stop drinking.
Dexter and Sophie were both slagging her off at this point, so the fact she went to them for solace was quite funny.
Why is Charlie going 'Daley's a nice person.' She's drunk and talking shit. Callum is such a little scrotum sticking up for Charlie in this situation. He's pathetic. Also at one point Charlie said she was drunk and had drunk a bottle and a half of wine, then she backtracked and said she wasn't. Get your story straight!
I'd love to see Charlie go this week, I can't fucking stand her, and I think Hazel stayed classy during that pathetic argument. Unfortunately, the brainless masses are still intent on getting Hazel out for... what was it again? Oh yeah, her getting attacked. Good stuff.

Big Brother 2013: The independent boojudicator

Oh, Dan. What a rubbish twist, with a crap payoff, and a worse outcome. Get rid of vote to evict, please, or the celeb version is going to be a non-starter.
Oh please, no, not a Dexter and Callum episode. I can't bear it. This series is tanking badly. It's sad, because it has been brilliant.
Ha, Dan dreamt he got evicted. He's even cracking cases in the land of nod.
I'm starting to like Hazel more and more and it's not just because she's an underdog. Everyone just keeps saying she's being evicted and she doesn't bat an eyelid. She IS titanium.
I can't even bear to look at the twins anymore, and knowing they outlasted Dan is quite soul-destroying, actually. It's funny that they're on a task about boos because they're obsessed with them.
Ugh, Sam, please don't go back to the stiffy talk, it makes me feel ill.
What bright spark thought of this task? Words that sound like other words. Spare me. Must be those posh little twits off BOTS.
Callum's leg is going like the CLAPPERS at the mere mention of Dexter's name. I heard Dexter ask Callum to live with him on the LF. Can't see that happening somehow.
Tanning task. They're obsessed with tanning in that place. Brown E's? Is that one that's been up your bum? Sam: 'Have you got a boner?' Ugh.
Interesting that they cut the bit they showed on BOTS of Callum and Sam trying to cuddle/ spread fake tan on the two outside people. Sexual assault, etc. Yawn. I do think Sam is capable of crossing that line, he just hasn't really been given the opportunity to hang himself.
Lettuce from home, har de har. What's Charlie crying about, she only saw her mum a week ago. Grow up, oxygen thief.
Did Callum really just say 'it smells so nice' about some brownies that don't exist?! That would make me VERY nervous about his possible gameplan/ trusting him. I thought he was 4realz! That was either worrying (ie. he's kidding himself) or he's really a fake. A big one.
Are those lettuces REALLY from home? If not, I'm calling trading standards. At least Sam is laughing. Dan is stabbing the fixtures and fittings.
The twins: 'who knows what they're going to throw at us tonight?' Rocks, I hope.
I don't want to watch this eviction again. It all left a bad taste in my mouth; 'get Hazel out', Sam not even understanding what was going on, Jack and Joe getting cheered, and of course, the result.
Sam looked so serious when he realised he was up. Callum is right to be mad about this twist; it does stink.
Charlie: 'There was a lot of boos tonight.' And didn't we bloody hear about it later!
Ha, they're chanting 'get Callum out' and 'get Sam out'. Harsh.
Funny that Marcus called Dan 'Daniel' over the loudspeaker. And so Dan skipped away. Aw.
Hazel: 'That was supposed to be me.' Oh, it should have been me. Everybody knows. Everybody says so. Hazel, if it was your time to go, you would have gone. Don't beat yourself us about this, cos this definitely isn't your fault. Much like that other thing. It's annoying that the other housemates are kind of blaming her for it. Like she's just acceptable to be in that position now.
I agree with Gina, this is the only eviction I'm unhappy about, too. WHY is everyone saying it was Hazel's time to go? Who decided?! It's pissing me off.
I think Hazel will really miss Dan. It's not like Charlie is a real friend to her. I love the fact she won't even cry and finds tears embarrassing. She's a tough cookie! I wish I was like that, strong and emotionless, it would make life a lot easier. I thought Hazel would walk, but now I don't think she will, she's too tough. She won't let that house break her. I admire her, actually.
I like Gina and Sam's relationship, they are such an odd couple. I think she really cares for him.
To clarify about boogate, which was on the LF, Callum said Sam got no boos and Charlie said he got 30% boos. Watching that back, I don't think Sam got boos, it was a hangover from Dan's boos. I'll be the independent boojudicator. There was an hour long conversation last night about the percentage of boos to cheers ratio for each housemate, which I can't believe even partly made it to the main show as it was so TEDIOUS. I want to find out what an average day for Gina is. I want to know more about sugarbabies. I want to hear about Sam's life (fat chance). Can you name one fact about Sophie? Instead, all I hear is about 'the public', the auditions, how they felt when they walked in, what people are saying about them, Emma Willis and their imaginary future careers. It's AWFUL. I wish they'd ban them from talking about the game full stop, as it's not even a game of strategy. Who ARE these people? Callum and Charlie can talk for an hour, and I still have no clue. Either they're as shallow as an egg cup, or they're just not letting us find out. So either way, fuck off. At least Dan would talk about life and show some humanity. Gina shows humanity when she chats with Sam. The twins don't talk about ANYTHING except public perception of them. They even mentioned a career in the 'entertainment industry' last night. You can't even fucking entertain us when you're given your own platform for seven weeks! GOOD LUCK! This is not what Craig 'plotting a very devioush plan' and Nasty Nick fell on their swords for.
Funny that Gina and Hazel both care about Dan but hate each other. Gina, Hazel wasn't up. It wasn't a choice between Hazel and Dan.
I didn't like it when Dexter said 'Dan took one for the team'.
I can't believe there's only a year between Hazel and Gina and Sam. It's crazy.
Dexter on Callum's cooking: 'Good attempt'! What a prick. I wouldn't 'attempt' to cook for that little shit again. I'd serve it to him in his lap.
Don't Sophie and Sam feel bad about Dan going? I'd feel mortified if I were them. Oh, Sophie did say she felt like it was her fault.
Callum: 'the love of Sam's life is me.' What IS he on about? I actually think he's cracking up. He's not quite right, you know. Must be those delicious brownies going to his head!
Callum, leave Hazel alone. 'I'd love a catch up with you.' You're not at work, Callum! Oh, Callum, just stop talking. I really hope he watches this show back and wonders, 'who the fuck am I?'
Hazel just said the same thing, he doesn't know who he is. He DOES try to hard, way too hard.
Dexter, Callum is NOT aggressive. He's weird, but not aggressive. And why are you inviting an 'aggressive' man to live with you? Dexter could push Callum over the edge, and is probably trying to. I'm glad Gina stuck up for him.
Oh God, did Dexter really just say 'opinions are like arseholes, we've all got one.' Twat. Dexter's really getting on my nerves at the moment. Gina has come on leaps and bounds from him and is leaving him for dust as far as winning's concerned.
Callum needs to relax and not let Dexter get to him. Take the glove of negativity and go get some help. Because Dexter WILL beat you. Because he's a fucker. So the best thing to do is ignore him. I think Callum might end up laying him out. Which TO BE FAIR, I'm only being honest and taking everything on board, would be GRRRRRRREAT TV.

Big Brother 2013: Destination Letsby Avenue

Hiya! I'm round my BFF's house (I have friends! I know, well one) and we're voting to evict SOPHIE! We just voted at the same time to evict her. That's what friends are for. Synchronised evicting. Friends is having to not even ask who you're evicting.
Here's some comments from my friend: 'Charlie is insipid.' 'Callum is the shittest martyr ever.' Ha, then Dan said it, too! Weird. It's true, though, Callum IS like that.
Callum and Sam are having some 'lad chat.' Stand back ladies, banter ahead.
Callum is talking to himself: 'Charlie could have the whole world in her hands.'
Why are the twins on a task again!? Is this the bit we're meant to find 'hilarious'? Twin: 'this is a bit unfunny now.' You aint kidding. I asked my friend for a comment on the twins. She gave a five second sigh and then said: 'Dickheads.'
Emma is talking to the friends and family! Boooooo off off off etc.
We just had a brief interlude to look after a baby, but don't hold that against us. Babies need more attention than Big Brother. That's why I'M never having one.
Callum: 'I feel like I'm the third wheel.' More like the seventh. Charlie: 'Accept yourself.' For Heaven's sake.
Jack in a bikini. No.
Charlie in the Gina outfit. Callum's doing crab eyes. Cheesy! That was funny, mummy.
Charlie to Hazel: 'I genuinely believe you'll be a role model to a lot of girls.' My friend: 'Hazel had a good bullshit detector.' That must be why she doesn't like Callum.
Dexter can appreciate a good looking bloke. Ryan Gosling, for example. Callum's got 'straight friends, gay friends, bi friends.' Any black friends?!
Stop saying you hope Hazel goes, Dan. It's not helping matters.
Oh Callum, leave Charlie alone.
Get Hazel out! Booooooo! Oh, behave. Oh no, the twins are getting cheers.
Twist reveal: Dan, 'I knew it, I knew it.' HA. Sam doesn't even look like he knows what's going on, bless him. He can't hear! That's so unfair. Can't someone give him subtitles? They all seem quite reasonable about it, really. It was hardly the bombshell we'd hoped for and not worth losing Dan over
They didn't do the save halfway through like they normally do! That might have helped.
OH NO, it was Dan! Boooooooo. DISAPPOINTING. Not very surprising, though. Dan was always going to go against those two. I spent four quid on this bullshit! I HATE YOU, UK. YOU SUCK. 
Sophie and Sam will feel guilty because they picked him. I wanted Dan to come third. Sexyback? More like Cry Me a River. My friend says, 'He looks so pissed off. You can see it in every movement.'
I'm glad Emma sympathised with him. Ha, Dan is pissy.
Detective Dan: you'll be remembered and that's all that matters. No one will remember Charlie in three years time.
I just asked my friend for a comment on Dan going and she said: 'It's a shame.' It's lucky I'm writing this blog and not her. Her boyfriend just came in and I asked how he felt about Dan being evicted and he said 'that's a shame.' I said, 'She just said that.' and he said 'OK, a mild tragedy.'  
At least they weren't shouting OFF OFF OFF at Dan. He seemed to get a good reception.
Dan's best bits: 'You said your daughter died when she didn't die.'
It's CRIMINAL that the twins, Callum and Charlie outlasted Dan. I hope you're pleased with yourselves! Sorry this blog was brief, it's hard not to look like a twat blogging round someone's house. Podcast on Sunday as my boy is on shifts again! Night night x

Big Brother 2013: It's not gonna matter a shit to me once I get out

Another dragged out task. I was thinking watching some live feed earlier, that if Dexter had really left that time he was fake evicted he would have gone out a hero. Instead, he'll be going out as entertaining but insincere. The gold has definitely turned green for me, I'm afraid, which is a shame. And he's still my number two housemate, so that says it all, really. On the feed after Callum's strip tease, Dexter just kept going on and on about his streak and how that made them even, as if we're keeping count, and as if we're interested in the rivalry. Dexter: get a grip, kiddo. You're losing it.
Why are they doing this to Hazel? And I don't mean the thick, vindictive, sexist public, I mean Big Brother. She's a victim in that house, even if you don't like the word 'victim' for her; that's what she is, a victim of aggression. And they are tormenting her. And she is gritting her teeth and getting on with it. ARE they trying to make people feel sorry for her? That's the only reason I can think for it.
Gina is acting spoilt, but not humorously.. Oh God, I don't want to go off her as well.
I love the way Dan bitches to Dexter about Callum and to Callum about Dexter. I have to agree with Dan, though, Callum was going 'I can never be a teacher now' about stripping. Well, if you really wanted to be a teacher, you wouldn't have stripped. And besides, they let paedos be teachers now, so don't worry about it.
Dexter, stop calling Callum creepy. He IS creepy. But you were the house bitch three weeks ago, so don't you forget it.
Oh seriously, are they busting out the chillis again? The electric shock suits can't be far behind. Sophie is really enjoying seeing Dan suffer, lol. (Get her out, etc)
Dan and San both have good tans!
Did Charlie just say 'I can't freestyle' (rapping) which presumably means she thinks she can WRITE a rap? Oh, Lord! I think I'd rather see Jackie rap. Mind you, same difference.
Hold on, her rap wasn't actually that bad. Like, the rhymes, not the rapping. Wait, let me rephrase that. It wasn't as bad as I THOUGHT it would be. Callum is nodding along, gangsta style. He knows about the mean streets of Maidstone, yo.
Cruel showing Dan in the toilet! His little 'ooooh...' as well. Aw.
Dexter should have chosen Hazel for the date to perk her up. He looked thrilled at the prospect of kicking Callum out of the tree house. Oh god, that patronising pat on the back Charlie did to Callum! Ugh!
No, Dexter hasn't been told to say cheesy lines, he's just a cheeseball. Charlie: caught between a cringebag and a cheeseball. Lucky lady. 'A real man.' Oh, God.
All those things Dan is saying about Hazel 'she's driven, beautiful intelligent, savvy, ambitious' is why the public don't like her. Because she's a baddass. And she's quite ruthless with it. That's why. People can't cope with strong women, especially ones who don't respect the 'girl code.' All I'll say is, have you ever got off with someone else's boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah? Well, Hazel didn't even get that far, so who's the slut (male or female) now, hmmm? You homewrecker!
LOL, they're making housemates stand in the order we want them to win! This is a massive clue to public opinion. It will be a good reality check for some, though.
Did Gina just go into first place without so much as an argument?! I know they got a tennis ball with the odds on thrown in, but a bit of humility, please! Bad strategy.
Ha, it's funny watching them do this. Why have they put Dexter in sixth? HA the twins had to swap spots with Dexter (four places above them!) That's GOT TO hurt. This makes me want to vote Callum higher! Let's make Callum our new winner! Callum should try just thinking things and not saying them, for example 'so Dexter's third' and then looking upset.
I'm not sure I like that task on the whole; it's interesting for now, but too revealing.
Changed my mind about Callum already. It's not up to YOU to decide who the villains and heroes are, it's up to US! NB. Callum just said something and then said 'fact'. Fact.
HAHAHA, I just proper giggled at the twins pissing and moaning about being unpopular! Just goes to show how little mummy knows, isn't it! I hope it sinks into their thick heads (although it's doubtful) that their constant insulting of vastly more popular housemate Dexter isn't helping their case.
Haha, the twins hating on Gina for being popular! 'Mummy, we're not the favourites! I want to go home now!' There's 200 doors to choose from, get to fuck, fatty. They've got faces on them like they had for the first week, like someone just took the last sausage roll off them
Haha, Callum is pretty upset about being unpopular, too. Hazel looks better with less make up on. Daley was right! Come back, Daley! Innocent, poor, sweet Daley.
Oh, Gina, stop going in the Diary Room and doing party political broadcasts. It's like fucking Queen's speech, but slightly more insincere. What is this 'I'm a good person' bullshit? It's not the inside we're interested in, it's your quirkiness. Stop believing your own press.
Hazel, it's not Dexter's fault the public hate you, it's DALEY'S. Dexter doesn't have that much influence over the public, and Hazel KNOWS IT deep down. She's clutching at straws and then some. I did like it when she said 'It's not going to matter a shit to me once I get out' though. There's something hard about her that I find quite appealing. I'd quite like to be that emotionless; she's almost robotic. Most people would be dissolved into a heap if they were her right now.
Twins about Dexter: 'he's the one guy I don't want winning it.' TOUGH.
Gina and Dexter are upset cos the plebs are going on at them. Yeah, haters, cos we're in the top three!
Yes, Dexter has finally got one up on the misery twins. I have to give him props for that, cos they've treated him like a bunch of crap for weeks.
LOL to Gina laughing at twin X. Ha, him clicking at her! Gina looked disgusted by his very presence.
Now they're digging Dan out now for being unpopular. Mean!
Not sure they're gonna get Dexter's head through that door at this rate.
Why DID Sam come second in the viewers poll to win?! He never says a WORD! Seriously, is this what we want from a winner? A dopey kid? Sam feels invincible. And he's probably right.
Please: vote to evict Sophie. Thank you.

Big Brother 2013: Your Westlife farewell tour was the best

I'm an hour late as they've shifted the schedule to FINALLY air that programme with Nathan from Misfits and Stuart from Queer as Folk. That BETTER be a good show.
Oh it's the quiz show task today. I actually filled in that survey online like a loser.
Wave, you idiots, have you never seen the Price is Right? Dexter clearly has.
I didn't like the fact one question was just torturing Hazel. You didn't get to chose to torture any other housemates.
Is Hazel SERIOUSLY eating that pig's nose? Groo. I would tell them to go stick it up their arse. This is DISGUSTING. Morrissey is turning in his mansion. To be fair (!), I chose the pig's nose for that question. *innocent face*
Sam probably doesn't talk to you because he can't hear a word you're saying, Sophie. I can barely understand you. I hope they give her a duff edit tonight. Shouldn't be too difficult, just one look at her miserable face should do it.
What's Hazel's problem with Callum!? He didn't even say anything, he just said he liked thunderstorms!
The twins are performing because they're scared they're on the block. 'Are we being funny, mummy?' NO!
I hate riddles. I bet Callum and Dexter will be good at them. That's all they deal in.
Sophie actually got one right! Hold the front page.
Why is everyone sticking it to Hazel! I feel sorry for her. Imagine being stuck in there another week thinking the whole world hates you. I'd just leave. Perhaps that's what they're hoping for? Probably can't afford the security for her eviction.
Callum: 'That would be nice' about taking Dexter out of the game! Got off the fence at last!
Gina is right to be pissed off about what Dexter said, it WAS nasty and an example of Dexter at his worst. I think Gina likes Dexter, so that's quite hurtful.
Why is Sophie upset that people find her voice annoying when she nominated herself for that question in the first place!
Dexter needs to worm his way out of this situation fast. Wwwwwwwworm! Gina is going to milk this for all it's worth. Good on her. Gina is VERY DISAPPOINTED. 'Openly honest' - ha! Dexter is still lying cos I'm pretty sure he did say that to someone in the house if I remember right. He's twitching!
Jack and Joe like Westlife. LOL. How tragic. Even my mum doesn't like them anymore. DROP ME OUT indeed. Get your own catchphrase, fatty.
Gina shouldn't be allowed to put on a shower cap to be gunged! That negates the whole point of the gunging! I didn't vote for that. Aw she looks cute without her silly blonde hair. They didn't even gunge her properly!
Sophie the sweetest!? She's sour! I'd rather die than get gunged with tomato sauce (food aversion) but that didn't really even look like tomato sauce.
Hazel is looking really pissed off.
Callum: 'I'm quite direct, I don't bullshit.' Ha, Dexter getting covered in 'shit'. Tee hee!
The twins think they have 'fans'! Ha, they think that dude from Westlife is watching! WE had to choose which twin was most evil, not that guy.
Ooh, Dan didn't enjoy being a policeman. Interesting. I want to know more about his career, why do they never show it?
Dexter: 'ssssssssssnake!' No it was only Sssssssssssallie who thought that. I feel sorry for Hazel but it was quite funny when Gina laughed at her.
At least BB made Callum strip and it wasn't his idea. I love Gina going 'where are my glasses?' so she can get a better look! She's a legend.
It's lucky Jackie's gone! Seriously, who would pay to see Callum's manky body? He's deffo sucking it in! Arre they Callum's own pants?!
All the others: 'Hazel's ready to go.' Probably because her name and reputation is being dragged through the fucking mud! Who can blame her?! She's not exactly being made to feel welcome. BB has got a LOT to answer for. I didn't know witch dunking was still in fashion! And then they want to keep her in there another week? Ejits.

Big Brother 2013: Save our bacon!

I'm still upset about Dan's impending eviction, and I never thought you'd hear me say that. Sophie and Sam do not deserve to be in the final over him. Please vote Sophie out, it's the only slim chance Dan can survive.
Callum, put the piece of scrap metal down and stop talking bollocks.
Sophie's got 'interupt-itis.'
This argument about Gina being 'ugly' is more tedious than the love triangle. Hazel's got her wooden spoon out.
Ha, Gina to Dexter: 'Charlie's given you false hope.' Stick the knife in! Dexter: 'I'm the only loser.' That's your fault, Dexter, no one else's! Gina doesn't get why Dexter fancies Charlie. Me neither. 'There's nothing there.' Indeed.
Making Callum a shrink is genius. He's perfect for it! Mind you, he'd be a perfect nodding dog, too. 'I've heard you have a problem - I'm all ears.'
I'm actually on the twins side about the love triangle. Callum's notes! He's getting DEEP. Aw, Callum is so cheesy but there's something endearing about him, still.
Callum and Dexter's therapy session was FUNNY. Callum should have written 'twat' on his piece of paper.
Dexter: 'we both want to carve each other's faces off.' Callum (deadpan): 'Extreme feelings.'
Ha, Dexter mentioned his JOURNEY again, check! He's worse than Dermot O' Leary. Even Charlie was doing it yesterday. I'll be voting Gina to win just because Dexter is storylining too hard.
Callum, you shouldn't tell your patients how to sit on the couch, how they sit on it tells you things about them. Aw, Sam can't always hear what's going on. Believe me, sometimes it's a blessing. Callum having a cry about Sam. Hilare.
LOL Callum thinks he's REALLY a therapist now. Nothing that comes out of his mouth makes sense. It must be like being stuck in the house with two giant fortune cookies.
I think Dexter is 'negging' Charlie! And it's working.
I hate Sam and Sophie for choosing Dan! Sophie was moaning about him being bossy the other day! Why couldn't she have stayed mad? The Dan compromise will see the end of his game.
NO ONE likes each other in the safe house! It's awkward.
It hurts my heart to hear them say 'Dan's in the semi-final' when he isn't.
Dan: 'What would you do if the electricity went?' Sam: 'have a wank'. Ha! Great comedy timing.
I thought the twins were happy for Dan to go in. They wouldn't have compromised?! Well, Sam has a say, too! Entitled little gimps. I'm so upset they're not leaving this week.
Oh God, Dan don't say you'd like to know what the public think! You might know only too soon.
Bad feelings about that episode. Bad storylines, and bad what they're doing to Dan. This series is hitting the skids. Sad face.

Big Brother 2013: Jedward are very, very clever

Being deaf is a good excuse for lying in, and also Sam said he couldn't hear people snoring, so it's not all bad being disabled, is it?
I wish we could evict dreary Charlie and her eyebags this week.
Sam and Sophie get to see Diary Room entries! Ooh. Will they be able to think of a decent question between them, though?
Marcus missed a trick - he should have said: 'Dexter is angrily turning the wheel for Callum's shower.' He is giving Callum proper stink eye!
I keep forgetting Hazel is in there until I see her in the Diary Room. Hazel: self-proclaimed floater! Grab a life-vest, etc. Hazel: 'I'm a wind-up merchant.' Er...
Sophie is right: Dan isn't safe if he goes up. Especially against these two.
Sophie's cogs aren't quite turning on full speed, are they? Why would Callum have to choose between Charlie and Sam? It's a stupid question.
Also, why have Sophie and Sam co-ordinated their outfits today? Dastardly. Argh, I'm really worried they're going to choose Dan as a compromise! I want them to choose the twins!
Hazel's boobs almost fell foul of the limbo!
Even the twins know this chat is a fix, so it doesn't take Detective Dan to work this one out.
I'm sick of hearing these housemates talking about cameras, their entrances, celebrity, boos, auditions and so on. Why can't they just be in the game without going on about the game.
Two classic Dexter lines in one go: Dexter on Jedward: 'Very, very clever.' Dexter, 'If I was a woman, I'd be a billionaire right now.'
Those twins are so sour every time Dexter speaks. Money means nothing when you work in Sainsburys because you haven't got any. Dexter can't sell his soul because he hasn't got one. Twins are upset because Jedward are more popular by them. I'm not even going to comment on 'Who's Ghandi?' it's so contrived.
Callum blatantly knows these questions are a fix! Mind games. These clips are just one giant arse-kiss.
Don't pick Dan! Dan deserves to go all the way. I've screamed at him, he's driven me mad, but he's been a grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat housemate.
How did Gina even know about Sam and Charlie's chat in the treehouse?! Gina is pretending she's offended about something again!
Sam thinks Gina's personality is class, haha. There's only a year's age difference between Sam and Gina, it's unbelievable! I think Sam is intrigued by Gina.
Callum would be good if you were in a club, wouldn't he, head massages on tap, plus lots of positive affirmation.
LOL to Dexter overhearing that whole conversation! Speak of the devil indeed.
Oh God, live to house. They're gonna pick Dan, aren't they?
OMG Rylan looks like a stick of liquorice! Look how skinny his legs are. He makes Russell Brand look obese.
Oh shit, they've chosen Dan! Oh, no. Dan doesn't deserve to go out like this. LOADS of people have been waiting for their chance to evict Dan. SHIT! Let's vote to evict Sophie instead! She offers nothing.
My boyfriend seems sure Sophie will go! I'm not so sure. Bugger. I wish it was the twins, or even Callum.
What it came down to is that Sam didn't want to live with the twins and Sophie didn't want to live with Callum. Now we have to join forces and evict the deadwood! Get Sophie out!

Big Brother 2013: He's quite tragic, isn't he, really?

Dear Lord, please save us from the love triangle. It is killing the show. I feel like evicting Dexter after watching an hours live feed of him and Callum wittering on in cliches and riddles. I can't bear it!
I'm tired of Dexter, tired of Charlie going 'yeah, yeah, yeah.' What did Charlie even say last night? I watched two hours of live feed and I still don't know. I almost want Sam and Sophie to take Callum to the safe house, just so we can evict him and end this storyline. And that's not really fair on Callum, but I'm getting really fed up. It's been a fantastic series, and the past few days have been just tedious. This is not how I want to remember this year. If I had any idea what anyone was talking about, it would help. They're all just spouting so much drivel I don't think they even know what they're talking about themselves.
I don't like Dan and Callum getting on! It makes me nervous.
Ugh, all the house slagging off Dexter again - even Charlie! She really is the wooden spoon in that house. This house is just full of arseholes now; twins, Hazel, even Gina is a bitch, and she's the best one in there.
Hazel's looked nice the past couple of days. I wonder how she's feeling inside? I wonder if she gets any support in the Diary Room?
This task is like 'share or shaft.' Or Luke and Conor's 'one Mississippi' car crash moment.
So glad Dexter didn't chose Charlie for the picnic. I just can't bear to listen to anymore bullshit. Plus it was a curveball. Why was Callum so annoyed that Dexter picked Dan? Surely he'd be pleased!
Secrets and lies! Zzzz.
Callum: Charlie DOESN'T FANCY YOU. Get over it! ARGH!
Oh God, Dexter said he's on a journey again. My boyfriend is going to go mad.
Just what the twins don't need - a table full of trans fats. That probably is the sort of party they enjoy; sausage rolls and party rings and singing Abba. On their own.
Dan on Dexter: 'He's quite tragic, really.' Aw, that's mean!
Twins slagging off Dexter as usual. Callum trying to put Charlie off seeing Dexter in the outside world. Even the other housemates are getting pissed off with this bullshit. 'It's boring' is right! Dan is freaking out because there's airtime available he's not getting.
Oh one twin just said he fancied David Beckham. This must be the gay one! So the gay one is the one with the shaved bit in the hair. I've finally sussed it! Now, just his name to work out, ha.
There's more chemistry with Dan and Dexter than Dexter and Charlie. I wonder how long Dexter's longest relationship is? Dexter: 'I like snuggles at the weekend but also someone who can turn heads in a restaurant.' God, he's got such a Hollywood view of relationships; it has no basis in reality AT ALL! Not sure Charlie would turn heads in a restaurant; stomachs, maybe.
Ha, Hazel on Dexter: 'Definitely half.' ie. bi, haha. Dexter: 'I always like to please my partner before I please myself.' Is this during his 45 minute shag playlist I saw him discuss on live feed once?
Dan: 'what does your climax face look like?' PLEASE! There are some things we don't need to know.
Oh, so the twins can't go to the party because they had their DR party, haha. Unlucky.
Gina: 'there's no cloth on the table.' Ha, Ferrero Rocher tantrum.  Ferrero Rocher is gross. Gina is actressing right here.
OMG Callum's dancing! Amaze.
The others: 'they're not having fun.' If you say so! Actually, Dan and Sophie do look pissed off. But they are playing Amy Winehouse.
I don't know what pisses me off more about Callum: his naff tattoos, his nipple piercing, his personality or his clothes.
Dan and Sophie calling Callum 'creepy' and 'a cringe bag.' Ooh, looks like Sophie won't be inviting Callum to the safe house, then! Good. Get the twins in there, and ship their arses out.

Big Brother 2013: You never had a bottle of Mow-it?

My boyfriend is going on and on about the love triangle in the house, and how it's all storylining and he's fed up with it; I wish he'd been this chatty in our podcast! He also doesn't like Dexter anymore. I said, 'who do you want to win?' and he said 'Callum' so he seems pretty jaded.
I do hope the non-love triangle doesn't become the main storyline.
Jackie crying about her hair! I don't care about Jackie any more, she's old news.
Charlie would get off with Dexter, I don't care what she says.
Oh no, Sam likes Callum the best. Callum will go if he goes up against Sam and Sophie next week. I hope Sophie pushes him into taking the twins in there.
Jackie vs Charlie. Who cares?
The 'are we being funny, mummy?' twins are having a contrived argument. About food.
A task about the love triangle - zzz. Dexter, pink leggings are not for you.
JACKIE IS NOT GOING TO BE YOUR MOTHER IN LAW, DEXTER.
Gina on the dance task: 'I don't think anyone was even embarrassed.' Ah, Gina. You're my new winner. I'm sure she must be racing ahead of Dexter in the odds now.
Gina: 'I'm enjoying myself, but I'm not going to miss anyone.' I like her transient ways!
Dexter is talking such a lot of old flannel. He's no good when he's not an underdog. Don't get me wrong, Dexter's in my top two, still, but he really needs to pull it back round again. I hope he can.
Did Jackie get both sides of her hair done in the end? Twins: 'we got boos.' Not enough!
For the twist, Big Brother actually said 'these two housemates will be immune from next week's eviction.' Why would you put in the two 'safest' housemates? Who's Charlie to tell us who's going to win? Why did Charlie get to make this decision on who was going into the safe house?
Have you ever seen two people look so sad upon giving immunity?
Sophie: 'You never had a bottle of Mow-it?' Aw, bless, Sam's never had champagne before. I don't like putting fruit in my champagne! Sophie: 'it tastes like vinegar.' I'll have it! It's probably the Lidl one.
Sam and Sophie are total floaters. I'd like to see the back of one of them, but preferably Sophie, and I don't think we've seen the best of him yet *BB cliche factory*.
Callum's got a nice t-shirt on tonight: 'Fate is your own.' Tasteful.
Dexter is fronting out Callum! He's doing some game planning tonight. Dexter: 'The only reason we despise each other...' That's no way to make friends and influence people. I don't really know what Dexter's trying to say here.
Why is Charlie having a go at Dexter?! Why is it OK as long as he's not making up with Callum? I don't get it.
I'm fed up with Callum and Dexter going on and on about the same thing.
Hazel is playfighting with Charlie! Is it her fault if Charlie threatens her?
Callum's face when Charlie and Dexter were mucking about in the shower! He looks angry! He should just go inside and get a grip. It's over.
Sam, if you don't know your alphabet, try not singing an alphabet song. My boyfriend is worried Sam is going to be 'taken over by the 'domestic violence ghost' in the safe house.
I don't get what Charlie is getting at here. Why doesn't she want Dexter and Callum getting on? What would be so awful about it?
DI Dan has stepped in! Everyone go to sleep before he gets the taser out. Charlie, don't apologise for something you haven't done.
Ha, that was funny when Dan caught Hazel and Charlie out whispering, too.
Why is Dan sticking up for Callum? Doesn't he hate Callum?! This has been edited pretty poorly because I have no idea who's right, who's wrong, or what's going on. Mind you, what's new?

Big Brother 2013: Hit the road, Jackie

OK, I just wrote that title in hope. Jackie's gots to go, right? I wish it was a double and we could lose the misery twins, too.
Just watched a bit of live feed from the other night and saw a really long, lovely conversation with Sam and Gina. Why do we never see this side of Sam on the show?!
Oh, not more safe house stuff. Tired of it. Not sure I can take any more twists. It has been great that the most decent housemates haven't all been evicted first, granted. But can't we just have one or two normal weeks?
Jackie is upset about her arm and 'certain things'. Being evicted is hopefully one of them.
Dexter, stop brown-nosing Jackie, it's so bugging. Also, he's trying to put Callum in the position he used to be in; the house kicking post! I think I actually want Gina to win over Dexter now, she has a good soul, you know. I never thought I'd be saying that about her after the first night!
Why has Jackie 'warmed to Dexter'? Is it because he's got money? Did Charlie just say she wouldn't go out for dinner with Callum, even as a friend? What a bitch!
This 'apology' between Jackie and Callum is waaaaay frosty. No grudge at all!
Oh god, not the pleas to stay. NO ONE LIKES THEM. Ah, Callum's got his best outfit on tonight. He's probably splashed out and gone to River Island.
Dexter looks like he's out on the campaign trail - where's his rosette?
Jack and Joe look smart. Never mind, get rid. They're playing the 'it's our birthday tomorrow' card. Boo. Have they got tans?!
They did a similar task to this on BBUS where the task wasn't really the task, it was quite good.
Did Gina get off on sitting in a bath of beans?! Spare us Jackie's jokes, PLEASE!
Why is Sophie always moaning about people telling her what to do? Let's hope she never has to get a job.
Why is Emma engaging with the crowd? Do not feed the trolls!
Ha, Gina is asking for Ferrero Rocher! That's like when people think Vienetta is posh. I don't believe posh people really eat Ferrero Rocher?
I like the fact Sam doesn't like Sophie; I think he's pretty astute, actually. He watches and gets people's number.
Get Jackie out! Haha, she got booed bad. Callum must be jumping for joy inside. Save Callum!
Ooh they crowd are chanting Gina's name! Cool! Don't get Wolfy syndrome, Gina!
No way did Jack and Joe get less votes to evict than Callum, I know nuff people who've been voting to evict them. I don't like the fact they did that. Callum needed to be thrown a bone and it wouldn't have hurt them. Callum needed the affirmation, not the imaginary drama of a head to head with Jackie. Grr!
Dexter's cartwheel - what a legend. Even though he's having a bad week.
'If Charlie's mum wasn't here...' as the voting lines are open, ha. Subtle!
I'm not even going to comment on the blatant Hazel bad editing. I like Gina 'going Essex'.
Hope they don't mess the eviction up by cutting to some stupid ads this week. So it's not exactly tense now as it's pretty obvious Jackie's going to go. Pretty big gap on that sofa between Dexter and Callum, ha.
Why did Emma sound so sad when she said Jackie? Fucking pathetic bias. So sick of it.
Piss off, Jackie, you controlling cow. And take your fake smile with you. Emma: 'Jackie, we love you.' Speak for yourself, we just evicted her!
Jackie really thinks Charlie is going to wither and die without her. Guess what, she won't.
I'm surprised Jackie is being nice about Gina, especially after seeing the nomination. I'm glad they showed those clips of her being an overbearing old hag.
Shouting 'off, off, off' at Jackie is a bit silly, though. I mean, does anyone care that much either way?
I'm glad Emma said 'everyone lies in their videos'.
Jackie: 'it's up to Charlie if she wants to go out with Dexter.' Bet you Charlie sleeps in bed with Dexter tonight.
Oh God, what twist are they going to do now? The rape suite - sorry, safe house - is open for business. The housemates get to decide! Fight, fight, fight.
Why are they sending Sophie and Sam in there when they don't even like each other just because Charlie said? It's dumb. They both look miserable.
Ooh, what's going on? HAHAHA Sophie and Sam have put themselves up for eviction! Brilliant. It would be great to get rid of one of them. Hmm, who will they chose to move in with them? Bet it's Callum! Sophie hates Dexter and Sam loves Callum. Ooh, or the twins! That would be good.
This is a good twist, actually, let's ship out the deadwood. I'm glad Dan didn't go in.
Btw, no podcast tonight, I'm afraid as my boyfriend is working but we'll do a catch up one, plus our overdue BBUS one at the weekend, so lots of rubbish for your ears... goodnight!

Big Brother 2013: Soar loser

Ooh I thought that was Patrick Wolf at the beginning but it was just Lana Del Rey. Not as good. So they're going to push all this love triangle shit tonight? I wouldn't mind, but the whole thing is completely imaginary! There's no love, it's just a triangle. And it's not even a piece of Toblerone.
I hope Dexter Febreezes that onesie, or he has several the same. It must reek! He knows he's on TV, right? Do people actually sleep in those things? I'd rather be stabbed in the face than set toe in one. When I am ruler of the world, I will send troops door to door to burn onesies, with their owners still in them, if possible. That will be my first policy.
This waxing thing is cruel! Sam did WELL to not react, waxing HURTS! Dan is whimpering. Not really got the hang of this, has he?
Jackie is enjoying watching Callum suffer. I hate Jackie. Hate her!
LOL Dan is so upset. He's 'using his body to win Big Brother'? Haha. Sam has a high pain threshold.
I hear Jack and Joe crack during their task. One of them is trying much harder than the other.
His mum! 'I want a cuddle! What about the task! Dexter didn't get to cuddle his mum! Sophie didn't get to cuddle her boyfriend?
Twin: 'Are we being funny?!' What is this! SHUT UP.  I thought their parents seemed like arseholes like them. No respect for the rest of the housemates. No respect for the task. Notice how all the others were in the garden, too.
Sophie straight away: 'Did you talk to them?' Dexter and Sophie are PISSED! I don't blame them, why do the twins get separate rules to everyone else? They should have got more shit for that.
I quite liked the barbershop quartet and their 'fake' song, it was really funny. Quite imaginative for BB.
This is a task where Big Brother just makes up if they've passed or failed, right. Even if the permitted number of fails is locked in a box, the amount of fails they accumulated could be completely made up.
Once my boyfriend said to me, 'when I reach forty I'll just lose all of my looks, they will slide off like a disintegrating cliff face'. I think this is is happening to Jackie as we speak.
Dexter is CONSTANTLY looking at the memory wall! They're obsessed with saying who's going when.
The twins finally feel sorry for Dexter being up on the block every week. Callum: 'well, he's made a thing of it.' He's not had much choice!
Callum is talking about 'clicks', whatever they are. Ooh, can't wait to see Callum go off at Jackie.
Twin: 'I've never seen Gina wash her hair.' Know much about hair care for black people, you racist? Give him a warning, ha.
Jackie vs Callum, ding ding! Why DOES Jackie hate Callum so much!? It's so random.
Oh dear, why is Dexter telling Callum he fancies Charlie!?
Why are these women being such wind up merchants? Don't tell me Dexter is falling for it!
I've noticed Callum signs with Sam sometimes, I think that's sweet. Jackie is wrong to step in. At least Callum's bothering to communicate with Sam.
Dear Lord, is Sophie still going on about Dan? Just get over it! Ha, why is Sophie telling Dan she was bitching about him? I thought she'd covered it quite well. Her and the twins are coming over BITTAH.
Dexter is arse-licking Jackie. How come Dexter can get away with all the shit he does and Callum gets constantly 'pummeled' to use the word of the night?
Jackie on the show: 'I won't even watch it.' Whatevs. Ha, Dexter wants his mum to be friends with Jackie.
Uh oh, Dan is having a superior moment. 'I've been in the police for ten years, I've got a son of X age'. So what?!
Oh no, CRINGE! Jackie is telling Callum and Dexter to back off Charlie! Tee hee! This is AWKS. Callum's getting mad! A month of bottled up pleasantness is about to pop!
Ooh, Jackie: 'why don't you just get off the bandwagon?' Haha. at least Callum started that bandwagon, Dexter just climbed aboard.
It was the BEST when Callum said to Jackie: 'I'm not quite finished yet.' Callum finally found his balls, yo!
Ooh, Jackie's raring up! OMG Jackie calling Callum aggressive, are you fucking kidding me? He's Mr Agreeable! Just because he stood up to her for once! She is TEN TIMES more aggressive than him!
How rude of Jackie to say 'you probably won't see Charley again.' Doesn't Charlie decide that? (Probably not).
YES! Go Callum! 'Based on fuck all!' Outbursts. This is the first time he's EVER stuck up for himself! He's right, Jackie DOES try and belittle him. Charlie should stick up for him, but she looks too pissed. Jackie 'can't put her finger' on when Callum's been aggressive. That's because he HASN'T! And this bitch was so far up Daley's arse it was unreal! Talk about can't see the wood for the trees. The woman is a fucking joke. I want rid of her so bad. I wish it was a double so we could kick her and the Humpty Dumpty twins - 'are we funny' NO! - to the kerb.
Callum is the most placid man on TV. He's not aggressive in the slightest. Good on him for finally telling her to STFU.
Where's DI Dan when you need him? Oh, going on about himself in the kitchen. Get your cuffs out, Dan! Callum's getting lairy! He thinks he's in Ayia Napa. Don't apologise, Callum!
'ASK ME HOW I AM.' That was kind of aggressive, in a puny way. Isn't it up to Charlie who she goes out with?
Ha, Callum went all common when he said the words 'council estate.' IS it because he's common Jackie doesn't like him? It's possible. I can't see why else she doesn't like him (don't even MENTION the audition tape). Maybe that IS it. And even if it isn't, smart gameplay from Callum there. Play the council estate sympathy card. It's one thing Dexter and Gina don't have up their sleeve.
Jackie: 'no man has ever done that to me.' Done WHAT to you? Talked back to you? Stood up for himself? Where's Mr Travers again? You're making yourself look a prat, Jackie. I'm looking forward to seeing you get the boot.
Yeah, fuck off to bed, Jackie, you spoilsporting old bitch. Ooh, Charlie said night to Dexter but not to Callum! Ha, Callum trying to demean Dexter by saying he'd 'dripped'. That was PASSIVE aggressive.
I love the fact Dexter's in a position of power now, after being the house worm for three weeks.
Callum: 'You'll step on heads to get where you want to be.' Dexter: 'that's not very nice.' But Dexter said loads of shit to him, too. Callum did try and make amends with Dexter, admittedly after he nominated him face to face, before this stupid Charlie non-triangle.
Callum: 'it's all yours.' I don't think Charlie is yours to give away.
OH GOD, PLEASE STOP MENTIONING CALLUM'S VT. I can't take it anymore. Roses and fairies and dances, oh my!
Hazel feels tubby! Don't tell Wolfy.
Dexter: 'Callum has a question mark over his head.' Is he playing Super Mario?
Oh, Callum, just go to bed, you're digging this hole into a grave. You weren't aggressive, you're just at the end of your rope. Who can blame you? Now get off Charlie's hair unless you have a tint brush in your hand.
There is no 'wow' with Charlie except 'wow, why didn't she get her roots done before she went in the house' or 'wow, why does she think those earrings are a good idea' or 'wow, her mum is a psycho.'
'You will SOAR, Charlie Travers!' Yeah, soar out the house and stop boring me to death. SOAR!

Big Brother 2013: They don't understand you, but I do

I am literally exhausted again from explaining to people that a woman flirting does not give a man a green card to physically threaten her. Apparently 50% of the BB watching public need this spelt out to them. And they say the show has dumbed down on C5! Also, I've been out on the woo woos again so am liable to get a bit lairy. But don't worry, I won't threaten to nut you, even if you take my covers.
OMG Jackie and the twins are sooooooooo funny, said no one, ever. Oh, except BOTS. Get them out, please.
Remote control task. So they're just going to pause the girls in positions where they can perv on them? They did a similar task to this on Big Brother Australia and it was really good. They did it on BB Canada, too, actually. Their tasks seem a lot better than ours. Plus the housemates actually behave themselves.
The Weetos are getting a LOT of exposure this week. Did the Weetabix get ejected?
Sheep in the BB house! Cruel. Have the RSPCA sanctioned this task? Gina does NOT look happy, and I'm not sure if it's the sheep or the dog! Ha, DI Dan missed it all. I hope Jackie has to clean up the shit.
Hazel's moaning that no one's talking about Daley. She'd be moaning if they were, too.
Dexter: 'Poo does not belong in the kitchen.' Tell that to Jay McCray.
It's a health and safety issue making Dan walk up the stairs backwards! Get Mario in.
Ah, they're doing the spray tan schtick with Dan. I like Dan lately! I can't help it. Is Sophie shaving twins hair backwards?
How can people drink tea in hot weather? WRONG! Callum perving over Charlie. Also wrong.
Rylan in the BB yard! With Judy James. Look how skinny she is!
How come Rylan didn't mention that TWINNIES were up for eviction! BIASED. Dan is catching flies!
Jackie: 'not going overboard' - ha! Why DOES Jackie hate Callum so much! Dexter said he was just as much of a playa on his audition tape!
OMG Dexter's mum! Aw, 'I know they don't all understand you in here, but I do.' That's too cute. 'I can see your little chest going up and down, I saw your little streak by the way.' She was so sweet! I wish she was in there instead of Jackie! I thought Dexter's mum would be posh. She seems lovely - a bit Dorian from Birds of a Feather - ultra glam but trashy. Aw, when she said 'I wont see you for a long time' was she giving him a message about him being popular? 'Just remember how much I love you.' How wonderful. I was blubbing! I'm so glad Dexter got that moment. He deserved it.
Sophie's realised Dexter's a human! Well done, thicko. Dexter's getting a great edit tonight. NO LIMITS! Dexter gets 90s Eurodance and the others get the can-can. I know what I prefer. TECHNO TECHNO TECHNO TECHNO!
Dexter: 'I've had a lot of people turn me over'. Haha. Dan can't work out slippery Dexter! My favourite sssssssssnake!
Everytime the twins slag off Dexter (specifically Jack, I've noticed) they hammer another nail in their reinforced coffins.
Sophie's boyfriend! Aw, he's cute. He looks young compared to her. Gina is blubbing. Aw, 'I love you more than you will ever understand.' What a wonderful thing to say. Gina wants to see her boyfriend, I reckon BB deliberately won't, to see if she strops.
I don't get this tennis ball thing, because last time it was obvious Big Brother had done it. Surely they wouldn't be crass enough to write one saying 'Daley has slaughtered Hazel on TV'? That's mind games and then some.
Ha, I like the fact Sophie read it out loud straight away! Aw, Dan, 'Don't tell her that.' Bless him. He really cares about her. Ooh, the other one said 'Jackie will 100% go on Friday.'
Hazel: 'what's it say?' Twin: 'Nothing.' Why would someone throw over a tennis ball with no message on? A homage to Wimbledon, maybe? Greetings from Henman Hill?
The silence in the kitchen is eerie. Dan is happy to read out what the Jackie one said.
Dexter: subtle as a brick: 'It's nothing important.' Now I'd REALLY be worried!
I knew Dan would tell her, he can't resist! Took him about ten seconds. 'Didn't want everyone running you in telling you that...' ...because I wanted to tell you.
Just forget about it! Easier said than done. Imagine if all news was delivered by tennis ball over the garden wall, and then hailed as 100% accurate.
Dan is very astute as to what Daley's motives are. Gina is loving this.
Oh, God, they're going to announce what Daley did to the group. Rather, Dan is. Look at the state of that bathroom floor!
NB: Dan is also loving this. 'Can I have a word' times. He's gone into proper politician mode here. Weather man hands!
Sophie still not accepting what Daley did: 'was it completely serious?' Well, he got removed, didn't he? How rude.
Hazel is drama-queening this up, slightly, but I don't really blame her, she's just been slandered by a piece of sports equipment. New balls, please!
Is Jackie FINALLY jumping off the Daley cheer bus?
WTF is Sophie's problem? Hazel could have been sexually abused for all this bitch knows? Why does she have a divine right to gossip about someone else's business?
Dan's got his proper sneer face on looking at her. Dan WAS actually trying to help Hazel, it's just his natural inclination to patronise. It's not about you, Sophie, you dumbass. You saw your boyfriend today, why don't you just chill out.
Dexter is reserving his right to an opinion on Daley until he gets out. Well, I think that's fair enough. Dexter: 'After a few drinks that could have been any of us.' Not so much.
This tennis ball thing is getting on my nerves. It MUST be BB doing it for storylines! I think that's quite damaging to the emotional health of the housemates to play tricks on them like that. Has that been sanctioned by Dr Funke?
Also, I've said this many times today, but how can there be any justice that Daley gets thrown out for aggression, goes 'I was a bit hungry' and gets 'there, there' from Emma, whereas when Hazel comes out, she'll be lucky not to be shot or burnt at the stake. You'll need subtitles for her interview for all the chanting from that scum crowd.
And as for Emma's despicable 'it takes two to tango' and 'it's 50/50' comments: I hope she realises today just how damaging those words are to women trying to escape abusive men and then thinking, am I partly responsible? I hope she realises what she's done. Sick when you think about it, really. I hope she apologises on BOTS tonight but I won't hold my breath. Night.

Big Brother 2013: You haven't done anything wrong

Nominations plus the Daley fall out; this should be a good show. I've pinpointed what it is that's made this series so good and it's that few big characters being evicted. It could be a VERY different show without Gina, Dexter and even Dan. BB have fiddled with the noms quite a lot, but I think it's paid off.
So Hazel did go back to the safe (!) house after nutgate. The pitchfork crowd will be up in arms! I've literally been defending her all day to WOMEN who think she's responsible for words that come out of Daley's mouth (not even including what he did physically). It's a sad, bitter, petty sexist world we live in.
So glad I don't have to hear Daley's aggressive, horrible voice anymore. Except for when he's on BOTS later and no doubt pretending he's sorry after being told to. I bet a million pounds Hazel still gets dragged through the mud. Let me very clear: I do not LIKE Hazel. But that has NOTHING to do with what Daley did and the sort of man Daley is. Let's not fudge the two issues.
Kick out times again! I wonder if this conversation with Hazel and Dan really took place at the same time as Daley was in the DR. Interesting Hazel said she'd gone off him. Trust Charlie to ruin that conversation. She ruins everything. She's ruining two hairstyles at once on the one head.
Notice they didn't show him slagging off Hazel again! Just jog on in your little shorts, Daley.
I was pleased to hear Hazel say she doesn't want the drama in her life before she even knew he had gone. I knew she wouldn't stand for his crap. She's a ball-buster.
Interesting they kicked Daley out THEN gave Hazel a warning. And we didn't get to see the warning. Ah, I know why. Cos they told her not to tell the other housemates about what Daley did. Right?
Also interesting how in denial the housemates were about the announcement Daley was leaving. They haven't got a clue, have they?
Hazel: 'why are you looking at me? How do I know what the rules are?' Haven't you read the rule book? Vinnie Jones was all over it.
Twins; 'he's not done anything that serious.' How the FUCK do you know, you presumptuous little twits? He could have punched or sexually assaulted Hazel in the SH for all you know, you don't see EVERYTHING! You don't KNOW everything. They are insensitive little twerps. It's not like BB just throws someone out for no reason.
Dan feel like it's real. Dan has spoken.
Dexter, don't blub about Daley. I'm sure you'll be bro's on the outside, bruv (well...)
Notice how Dan's first conclusion was that 'he'd tried it on hard' ie. sexually assaulted her. Daley can't be a stand up chap for that to be the first thing for a fellow housemate to think, can he? Was sad when Hazel said 'I'm going to be in so much trouble' because it's true, she is, unjustly, and she will blame herself, too.
I'd like to have that cuddle with Dan if I was feeling down. I think he can be a good friend. Quite firm at times, but fair (mainly).
I thought Hazel was quite fair in the retelling of the story, she didn't embellish it. I cried then when she told that story. She didn't mean for that to happen. I don't think he did either, but it doesn't matter, HE IS THE ONE WHO DID IT. Have we got that yet?
Dan ALMOST said 'I told you so' but resisted.
That was quite nice when Big Brother said to Hazel 'you don't always have to be fine.'
Will Dan keep the secret?
Hazel on Daley: 'I hope he'll be OK.' Daley on Hazel last night: 'She's a devious person.' Prediction of Daley on BOTS tonight: 'I'm sorry, I was under a lot of stress etc.'
How could anyone defend a man who's first thought when being ejected was to blame his victim? It makes me sick to my stomach.
I'm glad Gina interrupted Charlie's boring girl-band tales by getting attacked by some wildlife.
I don't see why Hazel can nominate; Dexter and Gina couldn't last week.
NOMS! Twins did Dexter and Callum and I wrote that before they even spoke. I hate their speaking in unison in the DR, it's not cute. I would like to see them shown the door this week.
Callum did Dexter, probably because he's got better dress sense that him. Yay, he did Jackie, too. Don't blame him, she treats him like crap. Yeah he wants Charlie to 'come out of her shell'. Come out of her knickers more like.
Jackie nommed Gina for being unhygienic. Don't you get it, Gina is not going to go? Are you stupid or something, Grandma? She nominated Callum for being too keen to ride the bike when people need to do their hair. Callum; YOU BASTARD. You're no better than Hitler!
Was nice when one of those twins cuddled Hazel. I hope they've not been going on at her about what the reason is. Hazel looks good with that high ponytail. So what if Daley's Sam's best friend! He's GONE!
Back to noms: Sophie did Callum for being 'biggy big bollocks' whatever than means. She also did Dexter because she's a prick.
Charlie: 'there's some really great people in here, it's hard to nominate.' Gina: laughs in her face. I love Gina!
Dan nommed Callum. Oh God, are they STILL going on about Callum's audition tape three weeks later? That should be invalid! GET OVER IT.
Ooh, Dan nommed the twins over DEXTER. Brilliant. But he hates Joe more. I still don't know who's who, but Joe, you've fucked it for Jack. Oh, Joe's the fatter one. I think the fatter one is the gay one?! I don't know, though.
Sam nominated Dexter. Aw, that makes me sad after the chat I saw with them the other night. Ha, he called Dexter 'smarmy.' Dexter is smarmy, a bit. Sam also nominated Gina. Haven't you worked out Dexter and Gina aren't worth nominating?
Gina nommed Jackie in Nikki Grahame style. Gina nominated the twins! Yes, glad she didn't nominate Dexter. Ah, Gina likes Jack more than Joe, too. Joe, you're dragging the twin alliance down, mate.
Charlie nominated Callum because she's a heartless bitch. I hate the way she goes on between him and Dexter. Ooh, she nominated the twins, too. Ha, she nominated the twins for calling her boring. Well, they called that right. Twins got more than I thought.
Hazel looks good today, like a wronged Lara Croft. She nominated Gina and Callum.
Why is Charlie going sniffing round Callum after she nommed him? I really don't like her.
Dexter's noms: Callum (because he wants to fuck Charlie). Dexter is nominating Callum for being manipulative! That's rich. Oh no, Dexter nominated Gina! Disappointed face. D&G is ovah!
Dexter's getting told off by him - sorry, Charlie's - mum. Chip-gate! Sam's face during the Jackie and Dexter's argument was funny. Jackie is enjoying arguing with Dexter!
I don't know why Callum is surprised to be up. I love Gina's reactions to nominations. I'd be up every week if I was in that house, too! I don't know why Hazel is hugging Callum, she nominated him.
Twins: 'it's obvious who's done it.' Jackie: 'Jack and Joe, you will not go. That's 100%.' Move over, Wolfy, there's a new optimist in town!
Good to see the twins UTC and depressed a bit; they're quite happy to put Dexter on the rack every week.
Ah, they're doing reverse psychology: 'we knew we wouldn't make it to the final.' At least the twins can go stuff their faces to their hearts content when they leave. That's all they care about anyway.
Callum: 'I'm done with this house anyway. I'm not done with it, I'd love to stay.'
I thought Gina was going to laugh about the twins faces when she said they were up, but she said she felt bad! Gina is in proper 'It's so cooooooooooold' mode tonight.
Twin about Dexter: 'if there's any justice he will leave.' No, if there's any justice, it will be a double and we can kick out two for the price of one with you are your sour-faced brother, plus the mother no one asked for. Vote twins and Jackie to save Gina and Dexter, please.
Oh God, time for the Daley show. I need a drink.

Big Brother 2013: Daley bailed

Weeeeeeeeell, the slut shack worked out well, didn't it? Not exactly a shock to see Daley out on his ear, after his antagonistic behaviour the night before. I'm not sorry to see the end of Romeo and Juliet, I must admit. I am disgusted with some of the comments I've seen about Hazel; and there's been a lot of them. Victim blaming is alive and well, as if you didn't know. 'She led him on, she drove him to it, he had pent up rage.' It would be funny if it wasn't so horrific.

It's always the quiet ones, isn't it? I remember last year Conor didn't speak for about a month then BAM. Pent up rage indeed! Women hating, more like.

I notice Hazel has less make up today on than normal! Doing as she's told.

Job interview task! Daley: you're fired. I liked the way Dexter shook hands; it was confident. I thought they already showed Charlie nominating Callum! 

Why does everyone hate Callum so much?! Looks like he's going to be up this week. Yeah Callum, why can't you be more nasty like Daley? Jackie seems less adverse to a Dexter son in law than a Callum son in law. 

Gina, who do you dislike in the house? 'Hazel, Hazel, Hazel.' Ace.

Hazel calling Gina 'boring'! That's the last thing she is.

Dexter and Callum having a little dig at each other, I've been waiting for this moment. Womaniser, womaniser, etc.

How will we be able to tell the difference when Callum is 'overly complimenting' Charlie?

Ad break: I want to kill every last person in this McDonalds advert! I'm praying for a knife crime. Don't care if it's the creepy old man or the cliched estate kids. Shoot the lot of them dead.

Also, I don't require MEAT in my crisps, thanks! Why not try reducing the fat in them a bit?

Shows what a sadistic pair Daley and Hazel are putting Charlie and Callum on a date together and making Dexter be the butler. 

Charlie, you could have combed your hair for the date, and you've got a face like a bag of spanners. Poor Callum, dragged through the mud again.

Callum: 'wake up in the morning, self doubt.' That sounds pleasant! Does he follow that with a shot of vodka? He feels worthless! Aw. This speech doesn't even feel real. 'I invested in you.' She's not a bank!

Callum is having a loo cry whilst Dexter has a piece of Charlie. Charlie LOVES the attention of having Callum and Dexter fighting over her!

Sam: 'have you been crying?' Callum: 'NO! It's my lenses.' Dexter trying to crawl round Jackie, haha. 

Things they cut out of the Hazel/ Daley fight that I saw on the live feed: him swearing on his kids lives, him going 'bitches be crazy' and counting down agitatedly because Hazel was chatting in the garden with Charlie for 20 minutes when he obviously wanted some attention. They also had an argument about what colour the Irish flag was for about 15 minutes.

OK, so it definitely started out as a play fight, but we all know that ends in tears. Cover-gate! 

If someone said to me 'I go mad' I wouldn't say 'go for it' if I was Hazel. This is a girl who's never been in an abusive relationship. Seems like she she was getting off on it a bit, and I hate to say that. But that DOES NOT MEAN she is to blame.

When he grabbed her throat, they were KIND of messing around. I don't know why he said 'I'm going to nut you one'. Argh, I don't want to defend him but there was a bit of a grey area there. It wasn't quite Charles Saatchi. But it was horrible. 

Weird the way Hazel went to sit on that chair so suddenly, and she looked a bit twitchy. Maybe she was laughing nervously before? Maybe she was more scared than she let on?  

Daley: 'Did I say anything offensive?' Er, yeah! He was so drunk, he probably doesn't even realise what he said.

Daley: 'Aggressive?' Argh, Hazel looks nervous. I think she knows it went over the line. She's rattled.

Hazel in the DR will be what seals Daley's fate. Yep, she sealed it. 

Ha, Hazel got a warning, too. So she's getting a bit of the blame. This will feed the vultures nicely. 

Daley gets called to the diary room looking like a prawn. Weird when BB reads your word back to you, isn't it?

Oh shit! Big Brother told him Hazel said she felt threatened! They shouldn't have said that. He will BLAME HER! This is so wrong. It was HIM, not HER. She MUST have been called into the diary room today and asked again if she felt uncomfortable around him, right?

Daley has a point with 'how come we were cuddling afterwards'? It DID start off as a joke. But that joke isn't funny anymore. It's quite good really, because it shines a light on what goes on behind closed doors if that can happen on TV, and how quickly someone can become out of control.

Now here's the crux. He's the real Daley: 'I want everyone to know Hazel is the most devious person, and a liar as well.' Finally - we see it. It's all her fault. Daley's innocent. He'll run back to the girlfriend. They'll live happily never after. And Hazel: burn the witch. These sexist cunts have already got their pitchforks ready. Oh, Daley. Why couldn't you just have said sorry and gone out with a modicum of respect?

Just saw the bit on BOTS where they told the house and they didn't believe Saint Daley could have been ejected. But WHY did Hazel pretend not to know why? That was the perfect opportunity for her to hint at something horrible but unmentionable that Daley had done and set herself up for the sympathy vote. Bad strategy. Bad taste in men.

I really hope Dexter's girfriend doesn't take him back, but I fear she will. This horrible man won't learn his lesson. Hazel will be slut-shamed forever. And someone like the twins or Sophie will win the show.

I wonder what the twist was going to be tonight? I still think it was Daley's girlfriend going in. I wonder what will happen with nominations. I wish they'd give them a week off, to be honest. I feel like I need a week off for good behaviour!

Bye Daley. Sorry we didn't get to boo the fuck out of you, you massive misogynistic prick. 

Big Brother 2013: It's 2013, love

Jackie has woken up crying! Ooh did Dan really leave his job to go on BB? I thought he must have left the police force already. Maybe Dan can be the new Rav Wilding, ha.
Jackie wants to go. Let's get rid now, please. Pack your belongings (one-handed) and leave.
I am disgusted with Hazel and Daley going in the safe house and I genuinely believe it's a fix, and I never believe that. Why would people vote for someone who nearly left last week to have immunity? Because they want to see two horrible people have sex? It's not just senseless but it's short sighted putting these selfish idiots in the safe house! Their main targets will be Gina and Dexter. Why was the vote open for such a short time? It STINKS, it really does. I'm quite pissed off about it. My only thought is that they're setting them up for a fall and they're going to parachute the girlfriend in. It's the only reasoning I can think of.
Charlie knows exactly what she said last night. Why does everyone think they can talk to Dexter like he's a piece of crap? I saw a really nice bit on the live feed with Dexter giving career advice to Sam. I like Sam more now.
They have misconstrued what Daley said on the clip, he meant he would see Dexter after, not that he wouldn't see him again. Gina just misunderstood it, there was no malice there.I don't like Dexter going against Gina to kowtow to Hazel! Doesn't he realise D&G are the dream team?
Hazel and Daley have 'drawn a line in the sand with all of that carry on'. Did the tide come in?
Suddenly the housemates are getting moralistic about Hazel and Daley because of them going in the slut shack; it's been going on for a week! Have you only just noticed it's gross? Wake up, humans.
Daley, the man of the house: 'It's 2013, love, equal rights.' The most ironic sentence spoken yet and yet he's too stupid to even realise why.
Dan's got his nose in someone else's business as usual! Makes a change. Listen to how much everyone's mentioning the girlfriend! This is a total set up; they're going to put her in. And if it hasn't crossed Hazey's mind, they're brainless.
Why does Daley always talk in a combative manner, even when he's just talking about nothing? The man is a total pig. I can't STAND him.
Is Sophie wearing one of Wolfy's old tie-dye blankets? Bonding with Sam? She must be bored. I'm glad Sam has some moral fibre. It's unexpected.

Daley: 'don't look but I'm going to get my bits out.' OK. *Doesn't look*.
Gina on using a dustpan and brush: 'Oh, it's working!' What did she expect to happen?
Dan, don't worry about Hazey. They've made their bed. Let's hope they spontaneously combust in it.
Callum, your chance of planting a seed in Charlie is over. Mum there or not, you're fucked. Also, that was nominations talk! My boyfriend said they should send them to jail for that conversation and announce what was said to the house, like they do. Can you imagine Jackie's face when they went 'At 11.15 Sam said 'get the mum out'? LOL.
Callum can't have kept his act up THAT well during auditions, I think Big Brother must have known most of it was a 'persona'. Maybe that's why they found him interesting. Callum commenting on Charlie's 'rear end' - ugh! 'I'm not talking catwalk model skinny.' Charming! Is he 'negging' Charlie with his 'face for radio' comment? Oh DEAR. Smooth, Callum! Smooth. What's up with him, is he drunk?
Daley was quite sharp making Dexter streak around the garden! Hilarious. Look at them all lined up! OMG that was genius, I just cried with laughter. Why was Dexter singing R Kelly? Why did he have a picture of himself stuck to his chest? Why was he covering up his bum hole? Did he really go round the garden that many times? The best 60 seconds of TV all week. Gina's face was a picture. He's a bit chubbier than I thought he would be, he looks tiny in clothes! That's the only good thing Daley's done in the house; made Dexter strip. Dan didn't look too impressed; probably because he wasn't centre of attention for a second.

In the slut shack, Hazel and Daley are about to have the 'conversation' I saw on live feed where he basically told her he doesn't want her to wear make up, she doesn't need to worry so much about her career and various other things for about 30 minutes, all of which were raging red flags screaming CONTROL FREAK. Why do these sort of guys go for glamour girls then try and change them? if you like 'natural beauty' so much, why not go out with a plain Jane? Because he's a controlling cunt, that's why. She's not 'missing the point.' I think she got the point perfectly. He's a freak. Run for your life, Hazel. Get a restraining order. You can tell by her face she was freaked out by it. That would be enough to put me off him forever. And I don't think Hazel's that stupid. Sure, she wants to fuck him. But I don't think she really wants to be with this guy. Who would?
Daley really knows how to woo a girl, doesn't he? He's all charm! Why is Hazel even bothering to still try and get him into bed? I think she just sees him as a conquest. Once she's proved she can have him, he'll be done.Daley 'will not get under the covers.' Cut to... Daley under the covers.
PS: Watch the live feed on the Channel 5 website! It's really good! Night.

Big Brother 2013: Inspector Clueless

We've been watching live feed! Charlie is a cow! She's sold Dexter down the river. What does he see in her? She's got a permanent hangdog expression, spindly eyelashes and she's obviously going to turn into Jackie sooner rather than later. I can't stand her, she's the new entry at the top of my hate list! Also, I wish everyone would shut up about food on the live feed! It's all they ever talk about. Just feed these fuckwits!
Dan's drama about trainee policeman he was talking about writing sounds good/awful. It's interesting to hear them talk about shit like that anyway. And it's good not to have to look at Wolfy anymore.
Dexter: 'I feel like someone got an ice cream scoop and cut out my insides.'That would take a while.
Callum's almost got normal colours on today. We think a bum bag would look good with his usual garb. Dexter says Callum's a 'smorgasbord of personalities.' And clothes choices. Dan and Dexter are bonding over their Callum dislike.
Did Daley just refer to himself as a 'pretty boy'? Who told him that!?
It is hilarious giving Dan the detective task - inspired! There have been some good editorial decisions this year, I must admit. The show has been produced much better than last year, ie. with some care. Hopefully they learnt some lessons from last year. They couldn't have fucked it up much more.
Have they given Dan a notebook?! Is he rooting through the bins? Is he going to stop and search someone? He'll probably try and stitch Daley up for it cos he's black. Ah, Dan proved his detective skills. Dan's working out in front of the mirror, jungle cats style.
Dexter's gameplan has gone bananas! He honestly thinks the world revolves around him. I hate people who talk about 'girlfriend material' because that implies some people are just 'spunk material' or something else material.
Dexter wants walks along the beach and the '10 minutes after sex where you stare at each other'. That 10 minutes normally involves someone happily rolling a fag in my house.
Wow, Wolfy is wearing a scrunchie! WTF. Aw, it meant more to her than a lot of people in the house. Well, boo woo. See you later, you fake, lying mess. They should have dug her out about fatgate in her eviction interview, too.
Fucking hell man, Callum's leg is going like the clappers! This is a man under the cosh. Hazel looks nice in her outfit. Shame about the clown make up.
Why are the twins and Daley all wedged in that tiny sofa?! There's three spare chairs there! It's like when someone sits next to you on the bus when there's seats free. What did that person in the crowd shout? It sounded like 'Hazel is evil.'
The twins, 'we love you, Wolfy.' Why did you vote her out then? They're just as arrogant as her, and nearly as vile.
I really like Dan's floral shirt!
I wonder if Gina really feels bad about not saving Wolfy? Dexter's Titanic style cufflinks!
Why is Gina upset about the safe house? Was she expecting to live in the safe house forever?! She's not going to get to enjoy that silky sheet after all! I love the fact she wants to go back in and sod everyone else.
Bed wars! Jackie's got a sick note. Gina's not bothered. Fuck you, Jackie!
Jackie and Charlie's DR bicker! God, if my mum spoke to me like that I'd get emancipated.
Daley gave Dexter some good advice: 'try and get in with Jackie.' Ha! Charlie DOES give Dexter mixed signals a bit.
Gina, get a grip. You're going to have to enjoy the ambiance of the main house again. Eat your Weetabix.
I want Dexter and Dan to become friends! I liked their little cuddle. Ironically, Charlie was running Dexter's name into the ground in the bedroom as this chat was happening. In fact, Charlie did not shut up all night. I can only imagine what she was like on drugs. Mind you, having Jackie as a mum would drive you to drugs.
Surely Hazel and Daley can make their OWN mind up about what to do about their own tawdry little dalliance? Why do they need Dexter's opinion/approval either way?
Tree house truth times! Charlie: 'you're cold, cutting, gameplaying, untrustworthy.' Love you, too!
Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssnake. Well, rather a snake than a sour-faced shrew. Jog on, skunky.

Big Brother 2013: Wolf packed

My friend is voting to evict Wolfy tonight and she never votes! Enough said. Apparently the odds are really close between Hazel and Wolfy to go. I have voted to evict Wolfy three times. I'd like to see Hazel go up against Daley so it's less of a witch hunt.
I enjoyed the online live feed last night! Fell asleep watching it on my phone. Nice seeing their evening behaviours, especially Dexter and Charlie in bed together! Wait until Jackie finds out.
Ooh, Callum's spouting crap. Callum's 'why did no one like my advice' was his Big Brother highlight. Who's rattled his cage? The eviction, I guess.
Gina's system of referring to Hazel as 'H' is genius. Where does she come up with this code?!
I WISH we could get Jackie out tonight! Who dries up? Just leave things out and they dry!
What's up with Dan's hair?! Shepherd's pie gate. Fight, fight, fight! 'Bore off' indeed. Did Jack just say, 'why are you being so immature, age not shoe size.' Saying 'age not shoe size' is VERY mature, I'm sure you'll agree.
Ugh, save me speeches! I hate them. Callum: 'just a normal lad from down the road.' Zzzzz.
Wolfy's bringing entertainment into the 21st 'penitentiary.' She's our humble court jester - off with her head.
Dexter getting territorial over Charlie! Funny. What IS he talking about? Gina is basically laughing in his face. 
Hazel's body looks good. Perhaps they're trying to keep her in?
LOL to Gina stirring it about Dexter. Ha, caught out! Dexter: 'don't start, Gina!' That was good.
Charlie's two tone hair makes it look greasy, and those Tina earrings are just gross. DOES Charlie like Dexter a bit?! I think she does. Dexter is wearing two pairs of sunglasses today. To go with his two girlfriends. Or none.
I'm tired of Emma being biased! She has been slating Hazel so bad on BOTS and the Jackie love is just unfathomable.
I hope Callum gets the least votes and not Jackie! That will be one in the eye for her.
Ooh, they're showing the nominations on the screen! Eek. Some good faces here. Ooh, Daley nominating Callum is going to hurt. That twin looked guilty as sin for nominating Wolfy. Wait until Callum sees Charley nominated him! What, they didn't even show that one, that would be the most interesting!
Detective Dan having a go at Dexter! Ha. SHUT UP DAN. Bad feelings!
Aw, Callum is safe, bless him. Cute seeing Dexter with his arm round him. Another woman will leave the BB house tonight! Honestly I'd be glad to the back of any of this three. Wish it was a double!
Wolfy's crying! Tee hee. WTF is Wolfy wearing in the DR? A wigwam isn't an outfit. Oh dear, Wolfy is doing Monopoly analogies. Contrived! And capitalist. The electric company is worth NOTHING! It's your arrogance that will see you hoofed out, Wolfy.
Wow, Jackie is DESPERATE to win! I bet Callum would LOVE to see the back of that bitch.
Dexter is courting Charlie again. He's got a twinkle in his eye.
I think someone has bet Callum to wear the most revolting clothes money could buy in that house. That can't really be to his taste.
Hazel on Dexter: 'I'm sure he'd be GREAT in bed.' Bitch! What does she do in bed, pout in the mirror?
Dan is upset because his BFF(ish) Hazel is going to leave. Cry me a river! So moving.
They didn't show much of the Dexter and Charlie thing, it was actually reasonably intimate!
OMG it was Wolfy! My votes counted. She must be REALLY hated to go against 'homewrecker' Hazel. Dan must be thrilled, I'm surprised he's not jumping on the couch.
Er, what just happened?! Why did it go to an ad break?! I want to see Wolfy get booed, not another fucking advert! What is going on? Techno-chronics.
There's a she wolf in the closet! Lock it. I like it when people come out and go 'is that all you got' to the booers.
Wolfy's not arsed! They've got the eye open, they normally have it shut. Wolfy; 'I got cheered when I went in and cheered in the first week.' But now we know you, we can't stand you.
I hate it when people say 'it's a gameshow.' That crowd are being gross, though.
What was Wolfy's gameplan? Quantum physics of the universe? Science, yo.
Nature told Wolfy to expect the unexpected. Is nature Julie Chen? Emma should have called her out on her nature, hippy, shamen bullshit.
Go twitch elsewhere, Wolfy. I'm glad they showed her up about her arrogance. Ha, they had to shut the eye because of the chav crowd. 
The only thing I can say in Wolfy's defence is that she's young. But even so, I was young once. And I wasn't Wolfy. Wolfy, you don't deserve the wub wubs.
Oh no, they're making two more housemates immune from eviction next week! Who's it going to be? Ooh, they've paired them up. Dexter and Charley! Gina and Dan would be quite good, too. Either of those. I like the fact Gina wants to go back in and not give someone else a chance!
OMG Emma mentioned the live feed online! Are they backing it? Cool!