Big Brother 2013: Inspector Clueless

We've been watching live feed! Charlie is a cow! She's sold Dexter down the river. What does he see in her? She's got a permanent hangdog expression, spindly eyelashes and she's obviously going to turn into Jackie sooner rather than later. I can't stand her, she's the new entry at the top of my hate list! Also, I wish everyone would shut up about food on the live feed! It's all they ever talk about. Just feed these fuckwits!
Dan's drama about trainee policeman he was talking about writing sounds good/awful. It's interesting to hear them talk about shit like that anyway. And it's good not to have to look at Wolfy anymore.
Dexter: 'I feel like someone got an ice cream scoop and cut out my insides.'That would take a while.
Callum's almost got normal colours on today. We think a bum bag would look good with his usual garb. Dexter says Callum's a 'smorgasbord of personalities.' And clothes choices. Dan and Dexter are bonding over their Callum dislike.
Did Daley just refer to himself as a 'pretty boy'? Who told him that!?
It is hilarious giving Dan the detective task - inspired! There have been some good editorial decisions this year, I must admit. The show has been produced much better than last year, ie. with some care. Hopefully they learnt some lessons from last year. They couldn't have fucked it up much more.
Have they given Dan a notebook?! Is he rooting through the bins? Is he going to stop and search someone? He'll probably try and stitch Daley up for it cos he's black. Ah, Dan proved his detective skills. Dan's working out in front of the mirror, jungle cats style.
Dexter's gameplan has gone bananas! He honestly thinks the world revolves around him. I hate people who talk about 'girlfriend material' because that implies some people are just 'spunk material' or something else material.
Dexter wants walks along the beach and the '10 minutes after sex where you stare at each other'. That 10 minutes normally involves someone happily rolling a fag in my house.
Wow, Wolfy is wearing a scrunchie! WTF. Aw, it meant more to her than a lot of people in the house. Well, boo woo. See you later, you fake, lying mess. They should have dug her out about fatgate in her eviction interview, too.
Fucking hell man, Callum's leg is going like the clappers! This is a man under the cosh. Hazel looks nice in her outfit. Shame about the clown make up.
Why are the twins and Daley all wedged in that tiny sofa?! There's three spare chairs there! It's like when someone sits next to you on the bus when there's seats free. What did that person in the crowd shout? It sounded like 'Hazel is evil.'
The twins, 'we love you, Wolfy.' Why did you vote her out then? They're just as arrogant as her, and nearly as vile.
I really like Dan's floral shirt!
I wonder if Gina really feels bad about not saving Wolfy? Dexter's Titanic style cufflinks!
Why is Gina upset about the safe house? Was she expecting to live in the safe house forever?! She's not going to get to enjoy that silky sheet after all! I love the fact she wants to go back in and sod everyone else.
Bed wars! Jackie's got a sick note. Gina's not bothered. Fuck you, Jackie!
Jackie and Charlie's DR bicker! God, if my mum spoke to me like that I'd get emancipated.
Daley gave Dexter some good advice: 'try and get in with Jackie.' Ha! Charlie DOES give Dexter mixed signals a bit.
Gina, get a grip. You're going to have to enjoy the ambiance of the main house again. Eat your Weetabix.
I want Dexter and Dan to become friends! I liked their little cuddle. Ironically, Charlie was running Dexter's name into the ground in the bedroom as this chat was happening. In fact, Charlie did not shut up all night. I can only imagine what she was like on drugs. Mind you, having Jackie as a mum would drive you to drugs.
Surely Hazel and Daley can make their OWN mind up about what to do about their own tawdry little dalliance? Why do they need Dexter's opinion/approval either way?
Tree house truth times! Charlie: 'you're cold, cutting, gameplaying, untrustworthy.' Love you, too!
Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssnake. Well, rather a snake than a sour-faced shrew. Jog on, skunky.

Big Brother 2013: Wolf packed

My friend is voting to evict Wolfy tonight and she never votes! Enough said. Apparently the odds are really close between Hazel and Wolfy to go. I have voted to evict Wolfy three times. I'd like to see Hazel go up against Daley so it's less of a witch hunt.
I enjoyed the online live feed last night! Fell asleep watching it on my phone. Nice seeing their evening behaviours, especially Dexter and Charlie in bed together! Wait until Jackie finds out.
Ooh, Callum's spouting crap. Callum's 'why did no one like my advice' was his Big Brother highlight. Who's rattled his cage? The eviction, I guess.
Gina's system of referring to Hazel as 'H' is genius. Where does she come up with this code?!
I WISH we could get Jackie out tonight! Who dries up? Just leave things out and they dry!
What's up with Dan's hair?! Shepherd's pie gate. Fight, fight, fight! 'Bore off' indeed. Did Jack just say, 'why are you being so immature, age not shoe size.' Saying 'age not shoe size' is VERY mature, I'm sure you'll agree.
Ugh, save me speeches! I hate them. Callum: 'just a normal lad from down the road.' Zzzzz.
Wolfy's bringing entertainment into the 21st 'penitentiary.' She's our humble court jester - off with her head.
Dexter getting territorial over Charlie! Funny. What IS he talking about? Gina is basically laughing in his face. 
Hazel's body looks good. Perhaps they're trying to keep her in?
LOL to Gina stirring it about Dexter. Ha, caught out! Dexter: 'don't start, Gina!' That was good.
Charlie's two tone hair makes it look greasy, and those Tina earrings are just gross. DOES Charlie like Dexter a bit?! I think she does. Dexter is wearing two pairs of sunglasses today. To go with his two girlfriends. Or none.
I'm tired of Emma being biased! She has been slating Hazel so bad on BOTS and the Jackie love is just unfathomable.
I hope Callum gets the least votes and not Jackie! That will be one in the eye for her.
Ooh, they're showing the nominations on the screen! Eek. Some good faces here. Ooh, Daley nominating Callum is going to hurt. That twin looked guilty as sin for nominating Wolfy. Wait until Callum sees Charley nominated him! What, they didn't even show that one, that would be the most interesting!
Detective Dan having a go at Dexter! Ha. SHUT UP DAN. Bad feelings!
Aw, Callum is safe, bless him. Cute seeing Dexter with his arm round him. Another woman will leave the BB house tonight! Honestly I'd be glad to the back of any of this three. Wish it was a double!
Wolfy's crying! Tee hee. WTF is Wolfy wearing in the DR? A wigwam isn't an outfit. Oh dear, Wolfy is doing Monopoly analogies. Contrived! And capitalist. The electric company is worth NOTHING! It's your arrogance that will see you hoofed out, Wolfy.
Wow, Jackie is DESPERATE to win! I bet Callum would LOVE to see the back of that bitch.
Dexter is courting Charlie again. He's got a twinkle in his eye.
I think someone has bet Callum to wear the most revolting clothes money could buy in that house. That can't really be to his taste.
Hazel on Dexter: 'I'm sure he'd be GREAT in bed.' Bitch! What does she do in bed, pout in the mirror?
Dan is upset because his BFF(ish) Hazel is going to leave. Cry me a river! So moving.
They didn't show much of the Dexter and Charlie thing, it was actually reasonably intimate!
OMG it was Wolfy! My votes counted. She must be REALLY hated to go against 'homewrecker' Hazel. Dan must be thrilled, I'm surprised he's not jumping on the couch.
Er, what just happened?! Why did it go to an ad break?! I want to see Wolfy get booed, not another fucking advert! What is going on? Techno-chronics.
There's a she wolf in the closet! Lock it. I like it when people come out and go 'is that all you got' to the booers.
Wolfy's not arsed! They've got the eye open, they normally have it shut. Wolfy; 'I got cheered when I went in and cheered in the first week.' But now we know you, we can't stand you.
I hate it when people say 'it's a gameshow.' That crowd are being gross, though.
What was Wolfy's gameplan? Quantum physics of the universe? Science, yo.
Nature told Wolfy to expect the unexpected. Is nature Julie Chen? Emma should have called her out on her nature, hippy, shamen bullshit.
Go twitch elsewhere, Wolfy. I'm glad they showed her up about her arrogance. Ha, they had to shut the eye because of the chav crowd. 
The only thing I can say in Wolfy's defence is that she's young. But even so, I was young once. And I wasn't Wolfy. Wolfy, you don't deserve the wub wubs.
Oh no, they're making two more housemates immune from eviction next week! Who's it going to be? Ooh, they've paired them up. Dexter and Charley! Gina and Dan would be quite good, too. Either of those. I like the fact Gina wants to go back in and not give someone else a chance!
OMG Emma mentioned the live feed online! Are they backing it? Cool!

Big Brother 2013: I feel like it's unhygenic to pour it back

I've just been rocking out to the youtube of Smashing Pumpkins at Glastonbury, so I'm in a good mood, sure to be ruined by tonight's shenanigans. I think I might be having a Smashing Pumpkins revival like my Placebo revival. Maybe one day I'll like a new band? Probably not.
Anyway, onto another thing I never got over: Big Brother. Ooh, tonight's show looks quite promising.
Dan: 'what's a treasury chambers?' This guy was a policeman.
I like the idea of Dexter as a politician. That gold framed picture of him is AMAZING.
Charlie has got Tina from Corrie's earrings on tonight. Not sure if that's part of the task or not.
I WISH Jackie was going tomorrow, and she would if it was a vote to save. Funny how Jackie thinks Hazel and Daley are so NICE but she hates Callum so much. What's the deal?
I must admit, I am tired of this Hazel and Daley storyline, but I'm also sick of Wolfy spitting and sulking. Which is better, etc?
Dexter seems quite pleased that he's annoyed Hazel. What game is he playing? Yeah, Hazel, it's all DEXTER'S fault. Everything's someone else's fault and not yours.
Charlie looks like the politician outfit could be her own clothes.
I do fancy Dexter a bit in those glasses, it had to be said. Now, let's never speak of it again. Dexter is enjoying this task WAY too much! He needs to chill out. We've seen many a housemate get dethroned after going mad with power.
Twin cracked a funny! First time for everything.
Hazel not having to wear make-up isn't much of a punishment when you look like that. I'd rather die than pick through that alphabet soup.
Ha, they're tempting Gina in the DR with a manicure at the expense of the task. I knew Gina would go for it, because she's smart! Put Callum in there and he'd be umming and ahhing like a good 'un. I hate it when they're martyrs for the group. Fuck the group. The group cares for no one.
Hazel is over G&D coming back in when they'd voted them out. Well WE didn't vote them out, and WE spend our money to vote, so why don't you shut the fuck up? OK, ta.
Hazel doesn't like being called evil and a snake. She doesn't mind calling Dexter it, though.
Jack, Joe? I can't tell them apart. They're both cunts as far as I'm concerned.
Dexter, black people don't have spray tans. Do they? The make up artist actually did Gina's face the colour it is and she looks much prettier for it than her usual ghostly look. I love Gina, though, she can do what the hell she wants, who am I to argue?
Jackie hasn't got a CLUE about her housemates. She makes up her mind about people without taking the facts into account.
Is Jackie REALLY giving Dexter the 'she's the cat's mother' speech? Dear Lord! Oh Jackie, why don't you SHUT UP. I can't STAND THIS WOMAN. Dexter is so gracious when people are picking him apart! Imagine if he stood there doing that to them? There'd be hell to pay! Dexter aint opening the door for that bitch. And who can blame him?
Jackie's getting a bad edit tonight. Are they trying to get rid? I would happily see the back of her OR Wolfy.
Oh dear, they are going to take the fags off the housemates! This sounds like a perfect way to get rid of Wolfy! I sense a Nadia coming on. They are right to put the needs of 70% of housemates over the 30% who are smoking. But I'm sure more than 30% of these smoke. Either way, they're right.
Wolfy's FACE! Wow. Slapped arse doesn't cover it. Has Wolfy had an undercut? She looks like crap. Any goth in Northampton looks better than this bag of slop. Wolfy rules by intimidation!
Don't 'piggyfoot' round Wolfy! God, you'd think she was 14 years old! Grow up, woman! Keep digging, Wolfy, keep digging your grave, and make it a big one. I don't know why Dan is pandering to her, he hates her guts. He's probably just trying to wind her up.
Sam is confusing a bedsit and a bedside table. Even Callum doesn't seem to know what a bedsit is. Quick, rent these dickheads a flat, it will be a steal.
Wolfy is angrily wielding a knife. Hope she doesn't cut her fingers off (much).
Dexter likes fine wines, ha. LOL, he's taking his treat as well. Gotta love him and Gina. I don't get wine tasting. Why not just drink it? Chin chin!Ha to them taking the champagne, too!
The misery house taking some of the shopping budget for a party, too. No one understands Wolfy as usual! Boo woo.
OMG listen to the way Jackie speaks to Dexter, and the pointing! Revolting old crone. I love the fact Gina is just ignoring her.
Pipe down, Jackie. Gina's 'I think it's unhygienic to pour it back' could rank up there with top best excuses for nicking wine ever. Gina feels bad. Gina don't feel that bad.
Put it down the sink?!!! Are you mad, Hazel? What sort of dictatorship is this? Go on, Gina, stick it to her. 'Little bitch.' Ha!
Oh dear, why is Dexter having this conflab with Hazel? This is ill-advised! Oh, cringe, Dexter, stop talking! 'You look like a cold, heartless bitch.' Don't sit on the fence, Dexter. What about your hall pass?
I think Hazel looks better without her full war paint. She's still got quite a bit of make up on, though, to be honest. Dexter: 'you look loose'!!!!! OMG.
Callum's got his nipple pierced, groo.
Why is Daley calling Dexter sly? Dexter was looking out for him! Daley is making himself look a prat, all puffed up.
Dexter: 'some of the most disgustingly awkward moments I've ever watched on national television in my life.' When it's Dexter saying THIS to you, you're FUCKED. The game is up.
WOW, Dexter is really sticking it to her hard, Daley's girlfriend must be watching it cheering. I do agree with most of what he's saying, but really, is it his place to say it?
Why is Charlie encouraging Daley to go have a ruck with Dexter? Dexter's a maggot? What are you, then?! You're fucking pond life, Daley. Scum off the bottom of Dexter's Tuco shoes.
Daley you're on Big Brother, of course people are going to talk about 'you and her' (ie. the cat's mother). Daley, you're being a complete dick. I really hope you're up next week. 'You're my boy'. I don't think so. If I was Hazel I wouldn't hug Dexter after he called me disgusting, I'd fucking nut him.
Uh oh, mount Wolfy is about to blow. Is she going to ask to leave? Go on! Open the door for her. Kick her up the arse.
Why is Charlie trying to get info out of Dexter now, when she just shit-stirred that Daley/Hazel situation? I don't trust Charlie, you know. She does cause trouble. You don't get bags like that and that hangdog expression by being sweet and innocent. That's worry!
Haha, Charlie: 'I don't want to know now.' Yeah, right. Dexter is going to get nommed by EVERYONE next week.
Twin: 'the wrong people have been given too much power.' No, the wrong twins have been put in this show. Come back Samanda, Playboy twins and Jedward. We didn't know how good we had it.
Most people have slept in a train station at some point. Charlie is using Dexter as a whipping boy after Jackie's earlier beating.
Charlie, what loyalty do you have to Dexter, you put him up every week. Ha, Dexter telling Charlie he's got feelings for her! What planet is he on?! She didn't even blink! What does he see in her? I don't believe it either. Oh my God, Daley's sitting there, too. Poor Dexter.
Get off his BACK! No one else has to justify their existence like he does. It makes me sick! Charlie: 'Dexter, no offence, you look like the arsehole anyway.' NONE TAKEN! 

Big Brother 2013: Pipe down, fatty

Well tonight's show has already been ruined for me by BOTS, so thanks for the warning! What an anti-climatic way to bring Dexter and Gina back into the house, and also they made a sucky choice of who to save. What's the point in saving Charlie if you're going to piss her off at the same time by putting psycho mummy up? Bad strategy! I HATE Jackie. I wish they'd saved Callum, he could have done with a boost.
Hazel, stop clinging to Daley, you're making a fool of yourself and you're going to get kicked out this week. I am still holding out the flame of hope for Wolfy to go. I'll be voting to evict Wolfy thrice! But the Martin Bashir style interview with Daley's GF on BOTS was pretty much Hazel's game packed up and shipped back to Ireland. Don't get me wrong; I felt for Daley's pretty, crying girlfriend. But I STILL want Wolfy out! Also, the 'burn the witch' Hazel stuff gets on my wick. Burn DALEY!
Ooh, Callum is having a go at Wolfy for saying she was going to win! At last someone said it. Wolfy still wouldn't backtrack on it. There's a 'fine line between confidence and arrogance.' You're over it.
Wolfy on winning: 'we'll see.' Yes, we will. You're not gonna. Why are Callum and Wolfy bickering? Good on you, Callum, for saying what we're thinking, anyway. I don't know why they didn't save you instead of Charley.  Why won't Wolfy just wake up and get a little humble? Is she pig-headed or just stupid?
Why are Gina and Dexter copping out on this decision?! I'm disappointed in them! Oh, so they chose Charlie on the basis of purely being able to put up with her in the safe house more! Trust these two. Why doesn't Dexter want to be in a confined space with Callum? Is he scared the high street clothing might rub off? Gina's right, the room IS pink. Biased for a girl to go in *sexist*.
Oh, there's a jacuzzi. I don't care. Oh, it's a pool. Can't do many laps in that pool!
Hazel's tone of voice when she said 'Gina and Dexter'. Ha! Not so much glee as a grimace. They were definitely more excited about the paddling pool that the returnees. Not such much as a sniff of fight night.
Dexter: 'there's a lot of business to attend to.' Callum: nodding dog.
Shouldn't Jackie be HAPPY that Charlie is safe, rather than bitter that she's on the block?! Jackie, you're her mum, wouldn't you catch a grenade for her?! Fame hungry or what? This woman is unbelievable. 
Dexter LOVED imparting that news! Jackie's sour face. Dexter: 'the public were voting to save me and Gina.' *Rubs it in*.
I'm glad Gina gave Callum a crumb of comfort and said she was backing him 100%. He needed that. Dexter is stirring! Daley looks mad.
Detective Dan patting himself on the back! Well, we knew it would happen.
Daley backtracking about the girlfriend. Dexter 'we'll chat later.' Ominous! Dexter, don't blow it. Don't act too cocky now.
Hazel is right; the public are watching. And they've been sharpening their pitchforks. Daley; get your hands of Hazel's buttons.
Gina to twin: 'I always knew you were bitchy.' Ha! He didn't KNOW?! He's rude as fuck. If I was in there I'd just front it out and stand by everything I said. If you can't take the heat, shut your mouth!
Dexter: 'eat the cake.' Daley has got Big Brother brain! Marcus, the IDH, developed this virus back in the day, and since then it's spread to the loins of many a male housemate.
Dan is thrilled he's not come across like a tool on the feed and he didn't say anything damaging. He's 'pleased to see them both' - yeah, if you say so, Dan. He likes Dexter now? Dan 'knew it'. What about all the things Dan thought he knew but didn't? Dan was lucky that this was the first week he hadn't been acting like a complete prick.
I'm not sure Jackie IS happy for you, Charlie! I think she's more worried about her own skin.
Dexter calling Dan lovely! Ha, he'd 'rather not comment' on Hazel. That says it all!
Good on Gina saying 'it's not right' to Daley about his girlfriend! She's not on that fence whatsoever. 'I couldn't watch at some points.' I love her. I want Daley to shit himself. If that's how Gina felt, how must his girlfriend have felt? Oh, we know from the Princess Di interview last night.
Wolfy: 'Boom, it's showtime. I might be all about love and harmony.' WHEN? You're about as much about love and harmony as... er, me.
Sam is the WORST person to bitch to. He gives you NOTHING back. Jackie is FINE.
Dexter telling Daley to 'look like a man'! Haha. Oh god, taking relationship advice from Dexter. Dear, oh dear. Dexter loves his girlfriend, but would have took it further by now if he knew his girlfriend had dumped him. This guy is ALL CHARM. That's REAL LOVE right there. How romantic!
OMG, stop press, Sam speaks! 'What they're doing is proper disrespectful' about Daley and Hazel. 'She's trying to steal someone's boyfriend.' That's the most honest thing I've heard him say. Thank God! He does have a brain and eyes. He has an opinion! More of it, please. Dan is trying to defend Hazel but 'he'd rather not get involved.' Probably wise, to be honest. Wow, Sam. You just went up in my estimation by a mile. By saying two sentences. Imagine if he said a whole paragraph?
Daley: 'for fuck's sake, what have I done?' Too late now! Princess Di is leaving the country. Your shit is probably in bin bags on your lawn. Daley if you love your girlfriend, why don't you walk and tell her? Oh I know why, because you're a fame whore.
It's annoying the way Dexter and Gina are hinting at things. Just say them or don't!
Dan is finally speaking out to Hazel, two days too late. 'I'd hate for you to leave under a cloud.' TOO LATE. Why did no one speak up two days ago! 'You don't want to be known as that girl.' TOO LATE.
Did Dan really say 'maybe on Friday it would be good if you go?' at the end. Wow! Hazel, I hate to break this to you, but it's too late. You're done, and you've fucking saved Wolfy. And for that, I hate you more than Daley's girlfriend does.

Big Brother 2013: Water guns - that would piss me off

Dear Big Brother, just show Dexter's face when he picks up that phone for an hour, it's preferable to Wolfy gobbing on the floor. Does a someone really sleep with this girl? And why haven't we seen Wolfy's girlfriend on anything? I can only assume it's because she's too ashamed to show her face.
Of course Hazel's being nice to Callum, he's powering the straighteners for her with his bike.
Sheep and lemmings is right. Dexter is trying to work out what the moral of him and Gina being put in the safe house is. I think it's just to make them look like pricks, isn't it? I don't really care what they say or do. They rule!
Oh, shut up, Jackie, you old cow. You don't care what anyone thinks but you won't say shit to Callum's face. Jackie: 'was I bad last night?' Charlie: 'Well...' Jackie: 'Oh, what are you talking about?' You asked!!! Did Callum hear what they said?
Jackie's true self is coming out now, a meddling mess. Bottle, bottle, bottle, bottle, bang is right. Hazel smirking at Jackie and Charlie arguing.
Marcus Bentley: 'Jack and Joe are interminable.' He didn't say it, but that's what I like to imagine he was thinking.
Dexter is feeling stronger in himself now. Good, they did grind him down. They had a go!
Daley: 'the next person I'm with, that's it.' You girlfriend will be pleased to hear the news. I don't know what either of them see in him, he's so nothingy and entitled. Total dog.
Callum is being creepy to Hazel. Look at his body! Groo. Charlie's finally had enough of her mum. I was fed up with her from launch night. Both of them, actually.
Callum is wearing Mr Byrite's 1993 summer collection. I think he thinks he's on holiday in Magaluf. He probably wishes he'd booked that ticket instead.
You HAVE crossed the line, Hazel. Several times. I wish it was a double eviction and we could get rid of hippy knickers and the SKET this week, although I don't know what that is, but Gina just spelt it. I'm guessing it's a slut? I don't use the word slut to describe women personally, but Gina know the girl code, so it must be OK (!).
Ahhhhh, another shit stirring task. I thought we hadn't had one for a while. Dexter and Gina have to insert housemates names into pre-written headlines. As if any real tabloids are writing about Big Brother (except the Daily Star's stream of salacious nonsense).
Dexter just used the word 'manhood' in a sentence. I know it's a tabloid task, but still. Ha, good choice making Daley paranoid. Hazel is a ssssssssssssnake.
Gina: 'that's wonky.' WOLFY is the biggest BB fake ever! Haha. JUDAS.
Why are they giving Sophie an indication she's going to the final? Aw, poor Callum being labelled the dullest. Actually, he's NOT dull! I find the unraveling of his polyester-clad facade quite tragic and definitely watchable. Sam is WAY duller.
If I stood in Wolfy's spit or worse still sat in it, I would go postal. Surely her spitting is a health and safety issue?! Can't she get a warning for it? Dennis got removed for it!
Dexter should have given a couple of nasty headlines to the twins, Jackie and Charlie.
Gina laughing at 'Hazel's too obvious' for the naughty pics, ha! Ha, Dan admitting he's sent them in the past.
Callum on the 'Dexter thinks Hazel's a snake' comment; 'it's just an opinion.' Well ANYTHING is just an opinion, isn't it? Dexter put those legs away. Ooh, Hazel looks furious.
See how quickly Twinny said 'Callum' to 'blank is biggest BB fake ever'? The sentence was barely finished! Everything Wolfy says is sarcastic and defensive. It's so tiring. Yes Wolfy, the 'public' thinks you're fake because 'you don't dress like a hippy every day' not because of your pretending to talk to animals and all the other bullshit things you do. Get a grip, girl! Reality check required in aisle one.
I hope Sophie doesn't think she's going win now. We wouldn't want another Wolfy situation on our hands. She didn't look very comfortable with the compliment anyway.
OMG Dexter and Gina laughing at Wolfy's squint! It's true, she does visibly twitch, though! That is NOT going to go down well with the haters. Never mind.
Hazel has got the proper hump about this task. I hope she gets really paranoid now, not that we'll be able to tell the difference.
I bet the housemates who didn't get headlines aren't really relieved; and I thought it was better to be talked about than not, Wolfy? Contradicting yourself again? Never!
Wolfy vs Charlie, ding ding! If I was Jackie I'd tell Wolfy to STFU.
More noms talk! Zzz. They need to give them a real punishment, not this jail crap.
I don't consider water guns a treat, either. I used to use a water pistol to chase away a cat that used to come through my cat flap. It wasn't fun; it was warfare.
Ha, Gina does snore! Sam's jokes: fail.
Wolfy's not going to stop spitting, cos she doesn't give a fuck what the public think about that. Charming. You're right, you do need to step up your game. She's like a football hooligan in that Diary Room. Blah, blah, she doesn't like Charlie. Charlie isn't even interesting enough to have a war with. Wolfy: 'it aint over yet.' Let's hope it is on Friday.
Dexter on killing a fly: 'sorry Wolfy.' I killed a fly at work the other day just cos someone sent me a shitty email. I did feel bad about it afterwards, though. Sometimes you gotta vent your spleeeeeeeeeen.
UGH why is Daley ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HIS WILLY? He's worse than Sam! I thought 'you make my willy expand' (which my boyfriend keeps quoting!) was a low point, little did we know we were just touching the tip of the... I'm going to end that sentence right there.
Is Hazel licking her lips at Daley? She only wants what she can't have! The minute she gets him she'll be bored out of her brain. She's like a praying mantis right now. Let's not dwell on Daley's 'area'.
Callum: sponsored by Lacoste. I remember thinking Lacoste was naff when my brother's friend used to wear it when I was about 13. The brand hasn't exactly moved on.
Jackie's shocked face when Charlie was up. Ha. Hazel; you should be worried, especially if Dexter and Gina save Wolfy. You'll be fucked. Because of course, that would be the strategic move. Save Wolfy, watch Hazel get the boot, and have Wolfy as the sitting duck next week. But do these two have the nous to work it out? I think Dexter does, but I don't think Gina's gonna go for saving Wolfy.
Charlie: 'it is what it is, it is what it is, it is what it is.' I hate this statement - which means NOTHING - enough when someone says it once. Three times is just aggravating.
Jack and Joe are such hypocrites pretending to be friends with Wolfbag even though they nominated her.
Callum's leg is going like the clappers. He's doing that one expression he does. 'Weeeeeeeeellll....' You never see Charlie and Callum talk anymore.
Jackie, wouldn't you walk with your daughter? Course she wouldn't; she's desperate for the limelight.
Dexter is life-coaching Gina. Gina is humouring him. Ha, he's telling her not to be so vain. I want them to start bickering. 'Slum yourself down.'
Gina is explaining what it is to be a woman to Dexter. Well, he had the stockings.
Dexter is very smart saying 'we shouldn't use this power irresponsibly.' Gina is going to go back in and do whatever the hell she likes, let's be honest.
Oh, is this one of those conversations where you use the word 'cuddle' to mean 'sex' (Hazel and Daley, not Dexter and Gina). How could you ever trust that slimebag Daley? I wouldn't trust him as far as I can throw him!
Charley; who's hat are you wearing, Freddie Krueger's? Wolfy, why don't you tell Charlie what you said in the DR? Oh I know! Cos you're about as real as the Easter Bunny. You haven't got the guts to say it to her face.
PS: Firefox is a bag of shit. Goodbye.

Big Brother 2013: I think she might need a hand with her nominations

Ooh, noms tonight. Looks like Callum could be in some bother. As long as they vote Wolfy, I don't care.
Dexter and Gina - aka the high five crew - are having fun in the safe house.
Wolfy's banging on about 'energy.' Let's hope her bulb goes out tonight.
Noms time already! Twins nomming Charlie. Ooh, also Wolfy. Good. Why are the twins talking in unison, they don't normally.
Callum has nommed Wolfy, too. Her game is up, Everyone's pissed off with her saying she was going to win. Ooh, Callum nominated Hazel, not Dan. Good. Keep Dan in!
Dan is right about Wolfy - she is disingenuous. Ooh, Dan nominated Callum for his awkward niceness. Ha, Gina is not impressed. 'Callum is not hard to live with.' Unless you're anti 90s beach wear.
Sam nommed Wolfy! Ha, he called her 'rude, ignorant and arrogant.' Wicked. He also nominated Sophiezzzzzz. His reason seemed quite valid.
Dexter's 'I think she might need a hand with her nominations' about the injured Jackie was inspired. I love that boy. Jackie's after Wolfy blood, for spitting on this occasion. Wolfy's got a whole range of reasons from each and every housemate to be up. Could we even see her walk? Ah! Jackie's nominating Callum! Why am I not surprised? Old witch. Callum is one of her daughters best allies. Bad strategy. Gina: 'whatever. Just go home.' That's how I feel about Jackie, but she'll still be sitting there in the final with the Weeble twins and Sophie. YAWN!
I have the same toaster as the BB housemates, but in blue. Wolfy is hugging one of the twins who just stabbed her in the back. No one has nominated Dan yet! Yesssss! I'm back on Dan's side (for now).
Wolfy knows she's gonna be up. Did a moth tell her? It probably flew out of her fanny.
What is Charley on about? A singing career? I don't think youth (or lack of) is the problem. It's more the eye bags, two tone hair and lack of a decent singing voice.
Hazel doesn't like Wolfy's sexual innuendo! Gina summed it up nicely: 'you can talk.' I think Hazel must be one of the biggest hypocrites ever to walk in the Big Brother house.
Ooh, Daley nominated Callum now! I thought Daley was his BFF. Gina doesn't get the noms for Callum. Dexter does. I agree with Gina, I don't get it. I think Hazel might have had a word in Daley's ear.
I think everyone has nominated Wolfy so far. They smell blood; they're attacking. Wolfy's got to be a goner this week. I can't see how she can survive this. Dexter agrees: 'Wolfy's finished now.'
Gina on Charlie: 'What is she wearing? It doesn't suit her.' This is exactly the sort of shit people say watching Big Brother on TV, so if you're whining and calling her a bitch, just know yourself, little girl, etc. Gina is just saying what any viewer would say. I think she's just pipping Dexter for me at the moment with her unbridled honesty. I don't even consider it bitchy because of the way she's been dismissed and treated. Ooh, Charlie nommed Callum! Aw. Gina feels sorry for Callum. So do I, actually. Gina is right; everyone is just stabbing everyone in the back. At least Gina and Dexter stab in the front. I'd rather be in that house with Callum and Dan than Jackie, Charlie, Hazel, Daley, Sophie, Sam or the twins.
Wolfy nominated Charley and Dan. That was Dan's only nomination! Boo woo, Wolfy, you're gahn dahn!
Sophie nominated Sam again - another pointless vote. Who else is going to vote for Sam, really!? Ooh, Sophie nommed Hazel. That means Wolfy, Charley, Callum and Hazel are up. Bye, Wolfy.
Gina is eating in the bath! Groo! That's one of my top no nos. I do not eat in the bath and I do not eat while driving. Bathing and driving and eating are individual pleasures to be enjoyed seperately. Never the twain shall meet.
Has Hazel been greasing herself up? 'What are you thinking about?' to Daley. Daley covers his willy with a cushion. Absolute pig. Dexter is right: 'grim.'
Ha, Dexter 'homewreckers do well, they sell papers. She's just thinking of the pound notes.' Pound note is the sort of expression my boyfriend uses.
How come Dexter and Gina are in the garden eating ice creams? Those ice creams look good. 
Dexter on Hazel straddling Daley: 'Fuck my life.' Gina is right; it IS wrong. There is a girl code. There's also a boyfriend code. Daley is worse, but Hazel is vile.
These idiot twins are getting on my nerves. Get off my screen. Dexter is right, Callum won't go this week.
LOL, Gina trying not to look at Dexter's skinny butt in the shower.
Callum, you don't need to justify yourself to that old bitch Jackie. He's done nothing that would exempt him from being a teacher, Rachel Rice is a teacher, Glyn is a teacher. I wish everyone would get off his case.
Dexter and Gina dancing in the garden: ace! They are too cute. Get lucky!
UGH: Hazel and Daley grinding on each other. Careful he doesn't get a stiffy. Dexter: 'I think I was actually sick in my mouth. If I was Daley's girlfriend I'd jump over the wall with a hacksaw.'
Callum WAS being kind of creepy when he told Daley to 'share the love' but I think he meant well. He just doesn't express himself quite right. Daley's already so far over the line he's been sent off. Callum was trying to HELP YOU, Daley, you thick pig. You HAVE crossed the line. If my boyfriend danced with someone like that I'd break his kneecaps. It's not ONLY dancing. Pull the other one. Do you really think your girlfriend is even still watching?
Oh, Daley's dumped his girlfriend now! I thought he was saying he loved her for the first two weeks in the house. This man is unreal.
How DARE Hazel have a go at Callum?! She's a scumbag. Why is JACKIE defending HAZEL, when she can see what Hazel is doing WITH HER OWN EYES? Jackie: 'The calibre of someone like that' about CALLUM?! What has Callum actually done?! He's a single guy, he either lied and said he slept with 200 women, or he's slept with 200 women, either way it's got FUCK ALL to do with you, you MISERABLE hatchet-faced old crone. Just fuck off! The hypocrisy is UNBEARABLE!
Hazel, why are you having a go at Charley now? Hazel, you ARE evil, just deal with it.
Gina and Dexter have got the measure of the situation. It stinks! Hazel is looking uglier by the minute. She's poison. If she carries on, she could go instead of Wolfy. And I wouldn't be sorry to see the back of her.
The way Dexter answered that phone was super suave. OMG! Gina and Dexter can save one nominated housemate and replace them with someone else! Ooh, I wonder who they'll put up? Hopefully Daley.
Dexter just gets better and better; gotta love a man who tells you you've got lipstick on your teeth! I've had lipstick on my teeth for house before my boyfriend's even noticed. Even girls won't tell you sometimes. And that IS part of the girl code.
They didn't tell them how many votes they were up by this week. I don't think it matters who Dexter and Gina put up; no one will go over Wolfy. Look at her, she can't even be bothered to get her fat arse off the couch and cuddle people. She knows she's a done deal.
I'm glad Hazel's going to be under a bit of pressure now. And Charlie, too, because I think she's treated Callum like dirt. And Dan is safe! And I don't think D&G will put Dan up as they both don't mind him.
Aw, Dexter wiping lippy of Gina's teeth! So intimate! Will Gina's boyfriend be needing that hacksaw instead of Daley's girlfriend?
Luke S on BOTS! One Mississippi, two Mississippi... you lose, dickwad. I really enjoyed tonight's BB! It makes you feel like you're not insane when you see two people agreeing with your assessment of the situation, and they've been in there. We are right. D&G are right. The rest are fucked up. Let's start taking some names. 

Big Brother 2013: Everything's so quiet and boring without us

Daley is such a fucking creep; he makes me sick to my stomach. 'There's no point sleeping in a double without someone there' - the thing is, with him, it doesn't matter who.
Jackie's 'broke her wrist' - I hope they kick her out. Contact with the outside world! Get her out. If she sees a Daily Star, God knows what she'll think. Did Dexter and Gina engineer engineer Jackie's fall?
Even though this task is designed to make Dexter and Gina look like bastards, they're still exactly right; the house is boring as fuck without them.
That comment about Hazel making Daley hard was so crass and vile it was unbelievable. Do they have NO consideration for his girlfriend's feelings? Disgusting pair. They make me feel physically sick. What reception do they think they're going to get when they come out of the house? Do they really think calling each other 'buddy' is fooling anyone? They're either thick as fuck or both rotten inside; I think it could be both.
So Dexter and Gina get to play pranks on the other housemates, but Gina's right, she's slack.
I think Gina misinterpreted what Daley said, I think he meant he would hang out with Dexter.
Moving in chat! ER, WHAT ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND, DALEY?
Ready Brek, anyone?
I love Gina and Dexter as the evil overlords! They don't even need to consult they think so alike. Dan's loving giving out the prison rations.
Wolfy is so greedy she will literally eat ANYTHING. Dexter: 'She's throwing up!' Mega glee. Does she HAVE to eat it?! Bleurgh. Watching her spit into a bucket is disgusting.
Jackie's back, boo! Gina: 'there's no point her even being here.' Ha! So true. Everything Gina says is basically what I think.
I can't even look at Wolfy tonight, she's making me feel physically sick.
Gina has got everyone spot on tonight, including the twins. Sophie giving cop out answers in the treehouse. LOL they're all turning against Wolfy! I ALMOST feel sorry for Wolfy. Sophie: 'I'm not being funny or anything but you need to wash your crotch.' Now we see Sophie's real opinions! Dexter and Gina should go back in the house and go 'Wolfy, Sophie says your crotch smells.'
It's not so much Dan guessed the twist, that he just guesses at anything, and if you throw enough against the wall, something's got to stick. It's no way to run Yewtree.
Wolfy is public enemy number one at the moment! Everyone hates her for different reasons.
The twins and Callum are getting NOTHING! Do Dan and Sam have to eat a whole cake each. 
Gina is LOVING the power! She was born for this.They picked the right housemates for the job. Why should we 'piggyfoot' around Hazel? 'Yes boss.' UGH!
Is Daley that desperate to snog Hazel, he'll have a three-way with Dan?
I don't know what was funnier, Sam, Daley and Callum's rap, or Gina's reaction.
Gina and Dexter's lack of sympathy for Jackie was hilarious. 'Because she's a bitch!' LOL.
Callum is wearing more clothes from the 90s. Gina: 'they're dead. They're no fun at all.'
Gina laughing at Callum being rebuffed whilst opening another bottle of champagne! Hilarious.
Hazel is just gross saying she's sexually frustrated. Daley is just gross. I'm glad Gina and Dexter can see them for what they are.
All hail King Dexter and Queen Gina! I'm sure there'll be plenty of people saying Gina and Dexter are taking to to far and being too bitchy, but I say, the more the merrier. The tables have turned. Eat your Bishops finger sandwich, and stick it up Hazel's fanny if she's that desperate.