Big Brother 2013: You never had a bottle of Mow-it?

My boyfriend is going on and on about the love triangle in the house, and how it's all storylining and he's fed up with it; I wish he'd been this chatty in our podcast! He also doesn't like Dexter anymore. I said, 'who do you want to win?' and he said 'Callum' so he seems pretty jaded.
I do hope the non-love triangle doesn't become the main storyline.
Jackie crying about her hair! I don't care about Jackie any more, she's old news.
Charlie would get off with Dexter, I don't care what she says.
Oh no, Sam likes Callum the best. Callum will go if he goes up against Sam and Sophie next week. I hope Sophie pushes him into taking the twins in there.
Jackie vs Charlie. Who cares?
The 'are we being funny, mummy?' twins are having a contrived argument. About food.
A task about the love triangle - zzz. Dexter, pink leggings are not for you.
JACKIE IS NOT GOING TO BE YOUR MOTHER IN LAW, DEXTER.
Gina on the dance task: 'I don't think anyone was even embarrassed.' Ah, Gina. You're my new winner. I'm sure she must be racing ahead of Dexter in the odds now.
Gina: 'I'm enjoying myself, but I'm not going to miss anyone.' I like her transient ways!
Dexter is talking such a lot of old flannel. He's no good when he's not an underdog. Don't get me wrong, Dexter's in my top two, still, but he really needs to pull it back round again. I hope he can.
Did Jackie get both sides of her hair done in the end? Twins: 'we got boos.' Not enough!
For the twist, Big Brother actually said 'these two housemates will be immune from next week's eviction.' Why would you put in the two 'safest' housemates? Who's Charlie to tell us who's going to win? Why did Charlie get to make this decision on who was going into the safe house?
Have you ever seen two people look so sad upon giving immunity?
Sophie: 'You never had a bottle of Mow-it?' Aw, bless, Sam's never had champagne before. I don't like putting fruit in my champagne! Sophie: 'it tastes like vinegar.' I'll have it! It's probably the Lidl one.
Sam and Sophie are total floaters. I'd like to see the back of one of them, but preferably Sophie, and I don't think we've seen the best of him yet *BB cliche factory*.
Callum's got a nice t-shirt on tonight: 'Fate is your own.' Tasteful.
Dexter is fronting out Callum! He's doing some game planning tonight. Dexter: 'The only reason we despise each other...' That's no way to make friends and influence people. I don't really know what Dexter's trying to say here.
Why is Charlie having a go at Dexter?! Why is it OK as long as he's not making up with Callum? I don't get it.
I'm fed up with Callum and Dexter going on and on about the same thing.
Hazel is playfighting with Charlie! Is it her fault if Charlie threatens her?
Callum's face when Charlie and Dexter were mucking about in the shower! He looks angry! He should just go inside and get a grip. It's over.
Sam, if you don't know your alphabet, try not singing an alphabet song. My boyfriend is worried Sam is going to be 'taken over by the 'domestic violence ghost' in the safe house.
I don't get what Charlie is getting at here. Why doesn't she want Dexter and Callum getting on? What would be so awful about it?
DI Dan has stepped in! Everyone go to sleep before he gets the taser out. Charlie, don't apologise for something you haven't done.
Ha, that was funny when Dan caught Hazel and Charlie out whispering, too.
Why is Dan sticking up for Callum? Doesn't he hate Callum?! This has been edited pretty poorly because I have no idea who's right, who's wrong, or what's going on. Mind you, what's new?

Big Brother 2013: Hit the road, Jackie

OK, I just wrote that title in hope. Jackie's gots to go, right? I wish it was a double and we could lose the misery twins, too.
Just watched a bit of live feed from the other night and saw a really long, lovely conversation with Sam and Gina. Why do we never see this side of Sam on the show?!
Oh, not more safe house stuff. Tired of it. Not sure I can take any more twists. It has been great that the most decent housemates haven't all been evicted first, granted. But can't we just have one or two normal weeks?
Jackie is upset about her arm and 'certain things'. Being evicted is hopefully one of them.
Dexter, stop brown-nosing Jackie, it's so bugging. Also, he's trying to put Callum in the position he used to be in; the house kicking post! I think I actually want Gina to win over Dexter now, she has a good soul, you know. I never thought I'd be saying that about her after the first night!
Why has Jackie 'warmed to Dexter'? Is it because he's got money? Did Charlie just say she wouldn't go out for dinner with Callum, even as a friend? What a bitch!
This 'apology' between Jackie and Callum is waaaaay frosty. No grudge at all!
Oh god, not the pleas to stay. NO ONE LIKES THEM. Ah, Callum's got his best outfit on tonight. He's probably splashed out and gone to River Island.
Dexter looks like he's out on the campaign trail - where's his rosette?
Jack and Joe look smart. Never mind, get rid. They're playing the 'it's our birthday tomorrow' card. Boo. Have they got tans?!
They did a similar task to this on BBUS where the task wasn't really the task, it was quite good.
Did Gina get off on sitting in a bath of beans?! Spare us Jackie's jokes, PLEASE!
Why is Sophie always moaning about people telling her what to do? Let's hope she never has to get a job.
Why is Emma engaging with the crowd? Do not feed the trolls!
Ha, Gina is asking for Ferrero Rocher! That's like when people think Vienetta is posh. I don't believe posh people really eat Ferrero Rocher?
I like the fact Sam doesn't like Sophie; I think he's pretty astute, actually. He watches and gets people's number.
Get Jackie out! Haha, she got booed bad. Callum must be jumping for joy inside. Save Callum!
Ooh they crowd are chanting Gina's name! Cool! Don't get Wolfy syndrome, Gina!
No way did Jack and Joe get less votes to evict than Callum, I know nuff people who've been voting to evict them. I don't like the fact they did that. Callum needed to be thrown a bone and it wouldn't have hurt them. Callum needed the affirmation, not the imaginary drama of a head to head with Jackie. Grr!
Dexter's cartwheel - what a legend. Even though he's having a bad week.
'If Charlie's mum wasn't here...' as the voting lines are open, ha. Subtle!
I'm not even going to comment on the blatant Hazel bad editing. I like Gina 'going Essex'.
Hope they don't mess the eviction up by cutting to some stupid ads this week. So it's not exactly tense now as it's pretty obvious Jackie's going to go. Pretty big gap on that sofa between Dexter and Callum, ha.
Why did Emma sound so sad when she said Jackie? Fucking pathetic bias. So sick of it.
Piss off, Jackie, you controlling cow. And take your fake smile with you. Emma: 'Jackie, we love you.' Speak for yourself, we just evicted her!
Jackie really thinks Charlie is going to wither and die without her. Guess what, she won't.
I'm surprised Jackie is being nice about Gina, especially after seeing the nomination. I'm glad they showed those clips of her being an overbearing old hag.
Shouting 'off, off, off' at Jackie is a bit silly, though. I mean, does anyone care that much either way?
I'm glad Emma said 'everyone lies in their videos'.
Jackie: 'it's up to Charlie if she wants to go out with Dexter.' Bet you Charlie sleeps in bed with Dexter tonight.
Oh God, what twist are they going to do now? The rape suite - sorry, safe house - is open for business. The housemates get to decide! Fight, fight, fight.
Why are they sending Sophie and Sam in there when they don't even like each other just because Charlie said? It's dumb. They both look miserable.
Ooh, what's going on? HAHAHA Sophie and Sam have put themselves up for eviction! Brilliant. It would be great to get rid of one of them. Hmm, who will they chose to move in with them? Bet it's Callum! Sophie hates Dexter and Sam loves Callum. Ooh, or the twins! That would be good.
This is a good twist, actually, let's ship out the deadwood. I'm glad Dan didn't go in.
Btw, no podcast tonight, I'm afraid as my boyfriend is working but we'll do a catch up one, plus our overdue BBUS one at the weekend, so lots of rubbish for your ears... goodnight!

Big Brother 2013: Soar loser

Ooh I thought that was Patrick Wolf at the beginning but it was just Lana Del Rey. Not as good. So they're going to push all this love triangle shit tonight? I wouldn't mind, but the whole thing is completely imaginary! There's no love, it's just a triangle. And it's not even a piece of Toblerone.
I hope Dexter Febreezes that onesie, or he has several the same. It must reek! He knows he's on TV, right? Do people actually sleep in those things? I'd rather be stabbed in the face than set toe in one. When I am ruler of the world, I will send troops door to door to burn onesies, with their owners still in them, if possible. That will be my first policy.
This waxing thing is cruel! Sam did WELL to not react, waxing HURTS! Dan is whimpering. Not really got the hang of this, has he?
Jackie is enjoying watching Callum suffer. I hate Jackie. Hate her!
LOL Dan is so upset. He's 'using his body to win Big Brother'? Haha. Sam has a high pain threshold.
I hear Jack and Joe crack during their task. One of them is trying much harder than the other.
His mum! 'I want a cuddle! What about the task! Dexter didn't get to cuddle his mum! Sophie didn't get to cuddle her boyfriend?
Twin: 'Are we being funny?!' What is this! SHUT UP.  I thought their parents seemed like arseholes like them. No respect for the rest of the housemates. No respect for the task. Notice how all the others were in the garden, too.
Sophie straight away: 'Did you talk to them?' Dexter and Sophie are PISSED! I don't blame them, why do the twins get separate rules to everyone else? They should have got more shit for that.
I quite liked the barbershop quartet and their 'fake' song, it was really funny. Quite imaginative for BB.
This is a task where Big Brother just makes up if they've passed or failed, right. Even if the permitted number of fails is locked in a box, the amount of fails they accumulated could be completely made up.
Once my boyfriend said to me, 'when I reach forty I'll just lose all of my looks, they will slide off like a disintegrating cliff face'. I think this is is happening to Jackie as we speak.
Dexter is CONSTANTLY looking at the memory wall! They're obsessed with saying who's going when.
The twins finally feel sorry for Dexter being up on the block every week. Callum: 'well, he's made a thing of it.' He's not had much choice!
Callum is talking about 'clicks', whatever they are. Ooh, can't wait to see Callum go off at Jackie.
Twin: 'I've never seen Gina wash her hair.' Know much about hair care for black people, you racist? Give him a warning, ha.
Jackie vs Callum, ding ding! Why DOES Jackie hate Callum so much!? It's so random.
Oh dear, why is Dexter telling Callum he fancies Charlie!?
Why are these women being such wind up merchants? Don't tell me Dexter is falling for it!
I've noticed Callum signs with Sam sometimes, I think that's sweet. Jackie is wrong to step in. At least Callum's bothering to communicate with Sam.
Dear Lord, is Sophie still going on about Dan? Just get over it! Ha, why is Sophie telling Dan she was bitching about him? I thought she'd covered it quite well. Her and the twins are coming over BITTAH.
Dexter is arse-licking Jackie. How come Dexter can get away with all the shit he does and Callum gets constantly 'pummeled' to use the word of the night?
Jackie on the show: 'I won't even watch it.' Whatevs. Ha, Dexter wants his mum to be friends with Jackie.
Uh oh, Dan is having a superior moment. 'I've been in the police for ten years, I've got a son of X age'. So what?!
Oh no, CRINGE! Jackie is telling Callum and Dexter to back off Charlie! Tee hee! This is AWKS. Callum's getting mad! A month of bottled up pleasantness is about to pop!
Ooh, Jackie: 'why don't you just get off the bandwagon?' Haha. at least Callum started that bandwagon, Dexter just climbed aboard.
It was the BEST when Callum said to Jackie: 'I'm not quite finished yet.' Callum finally found his balls, yo!
Ooh, Jackie's raring up! OMG Jackie calling Callum aggressive, are you fucking kidding me? He's Mr Agreeable! Just because he stood up to her for once! She is TEN TIMES more aggressive than him!
How rude of Jackie to say 'you probably won't see Charley again.' Doesn't Charlie decide that? (Probably not).
YES! Go Callum! 'Based on fuck all!' Outbursts. This is the first time he's EVER stuck up for himself! He's right, Jackie DOES try and belittle him. Charlie should stick up for him, but she looks too pissed. Jackie 'can't put her finger' on when Callum's been aggressive. That's because he HASN'T! And this bitch was so far up Daley's arse it was unreal! Talk about can't see the wood for the trees. The woman is a fucking joke. I want rid of her so bad. I wish it was a double so we could kick her and the Humpty Dumpty twins - 'are we funny' NO! - to the kerb.
Callum is the most placid man on TV. He's not aggressive in the slightest. Good on him for finally telling her to STFU.
Where's DI Dan when you need him? Oh, going on about himself in the kitchen. Get your cuffs out, Dan! Callum's getting lairy! He thinks he's in Ayia Napa. Don't apologise, Callum!
'ASK ME HOW I AM.' That was kind of aggressive, in a puny way. Isn't it up to Charlie who she goes out with?
Ha, Callum went all common when he said the words 'council estate.' IS it because he's common Jackie doesn't like him? It's possible. I can't see why else she doesn't like him (don't even MENTION the audition tape). Maybe that IS it. And even if it isn't, smart gameplay from Callum there. Play the council estate sympathy card. It's one thing Dexter and Gina don't have up their sleeve.
Jackie: 'no man has ever done that to me.' Done WHAT to you? Talked back to you? Stood up for himself? Where's Mr Travers again? You're making yourself look a prat, Jackie. I'm looking forward to seeing you get the boot.
Yeah, fuck off to bed, Jackie, you spoilsporting old bitch. Ooh, Charlie said night to Dexter but not to Callum! Ha, Callum trying to demean Dexter by saying he'd 'dripped'. That was PASSIVE aggressive.
I love the fact Dexter's in a position of power now, after being the house worm for three weeks.
Callum: 'You'll step on heads to get where you want to be.' Dexter: 'that's not very nice.' But Dexter said loads of shit to him, too. Callum did try and make amends with Dexter, admittedly after he nominated him face to face, before this stupid Charlie non-triangle.
Callum: 'it's all yours.' I don't think Charlie is yours to give away.
OH GOD, PLEASE STOP MENTIONING CALLUM'S VT. I can't take it anymore. Roses and fairies and dances, oh my!
Hazel feels tubby! Don't tell Wolfy.
Dexter: 'Callum has a question mark over his head.' Is he playing Super Mario?
Oh, Callum, just go to bed, you're digging this hole into a grave. You weren't aggressive, you're just at the end of your rope. Who can blame you? Now get off Charlie's hair unless you have a tint brush in your hand.
There is no 'wow' with Charlie except 'wow, why didn't she get her roots done before she went in the house' or 'wow, why does she think those earrings are a good idea' or 'wow, her mum is a psycho.'
'You will SOAR, Charlie Travers!' Yeah, soar out the house and stop boring me to death. SOAR!

Big Brother 2013: They don't understand you, but I do

I am literally exhausted again from explaining to people that a woman flirting does not give a man a green card to physically threaten her. Apparently 50% of the BB watching public need this spelt out to them. And they say the show has dumbed down on C5! Also, I've been out on the woo woos again so am liable to get a bit lairy. But don't worry, I won't threaten to nut you, even if you take my covers.
OMG Jackie and the twins are sooooooooo funny, said no one, ever. Oh, except BOTS. Get them out, please.
Remote control task. So they're just going to pause the girls in positions where they can perv on them? They did a similar task to this on Big Brother Australia and it was really good. They did it on BB Canada, too, actually. Their tasks seem a lot better than ours. Plus the housemates actually behave themselves.
The Weetos are getting a LOT of exposure this week. Did the Weetabix get ejected?
Sheep in the BB house! Cruel. Have the RSPCA sanctioned this task? Gina does NOT look happy, and I'm not sure if it's the sheep or the dog! Ha, DI Dan missed it all. I hope Jackie has to clean up the shit.
Hazel's moaning that no one's talking about Daley. She'd be moaning if they were, too.
Dexter: 'Poo does not belong in the kitchen.' Tell that to Jay McCray.
It's a health and safety issue making Dan walk up the stairs backwards! Get Mario in.
Ah, they're doing the spray tan schtick with Dan. I like Dan lately! I can't help it. Is Sophie shaving twins hair backwards?
How can people drink tea in hot weather? WRONG! Callum perving over Charlie. Also wrong.
Rylan in the BB yard! With Judy James. Look how skinny she is!
How come Rylan didn't mention that TWINNIES were up for eviction! BIASED. Dan is catching flies!
Jackie: 'not going overboard' - ha! Why DOES Jackie hate Callum so much! Dexter said he was just as much of a playa on his audition tape!
OMG Dexter's mum! Aw, 'I know they don't all understand you in here, but I do.' That's too cute. 'I can see your little chest going up and down, I saw your little streak by the way.' She was so sweet! I wish she was in there instead of Jackie! I thought Dexter's mum would be posh. She seems lovely - a bit Dorian from Birds of a Feather - ultra glam but trashy. Aw, when she said 'I wont see you for a long time' was she giving him a message about him being popular? 'Just remember how much I love you.' How wonderful. I was blubbing! I'm so glad Dexter got that moment. He deserved it.
Sophie's realised Dexter's a human! Well done, thicko. Dexter's getting a great edit tonight. NO LIMITS! Dexter gets 90s Eurodance and the others get the can-can. I know what I prefer. TECHNO TECHNO TECHNO TECHNO!
Dexter: 'I've had a lot of people turn me over'. Haha. Dan can't work out slippery Dexter! My favourite sssssssssnake!
Everytime the twins slag off Dexter (specifically Jack, I've noticed) they hammer another nail in their reinforced coffins.
Sophie's boyfriend! Aw, he's cute. He looks young compared to her. Gina is blubbing. Aw, 'I love you more than you will ever understand.' What a wonderful thing to say. Gina wants to see her boyfriend, I reckon BB deliberately won't, to see if she strops.
I don't get this tennis ball thing, because last time it was obvious Big Brother had done it. Surely they wouldn't be crass enough to write one saying 'Daley has slaughtered Hazel on TV'? That's mind games and then some.
Ha, I like the fact Sophie read it out loud straight away! Aw, Dan, 'Don't tell her that.' Bless him. He really cares about her. Ooh, the other one said 'Jackie will 100% go on Friday.'
Hazel: 'what's it say?' Twin: 'Nothing.' Why would someone throw over a tennis ball with no message on? A homage to Wimbledon, maybe? Greetings from Henman Hill?
The silence in the kitchen is eerie. Dan is happy to read out what the Jackie one said.
Dexter: subtle as a brick: 'It's nothing important.' Now I'd REALLY be worried!
I knew Dan would tell her, he can't resist! Took him about ten seconds. 'Didn't want everyone running you in telling you that...' ...because I wanted to tell you.
Just forget about it! Easier said than done. Imagine if all news was delivered by tennis ball over the garden wall, and then hailed as 100% accurate.
Dan is very astute as to what Daley's motives are. Gina is loving this.
Oh, God, they're going to announce what Daley did to the group. Rather, Dan is. Look at the state of that bathroom floor!
NB: Dan is also loving this. 'Can I have a word' times. He's gone into proper politician mode here. Weather man hands!
Sophie still not accepting what Daley did: 'was it completely serious?' Well, he got removed, didn't he? How rude.
Hazel is drama-queening this up, slightly, but I don't really blame her, she's just been slandered by a piece of sports equipment. New balls, please!
Is Jackie FINALLY jumping off the Daley cheer bus?
WTF is Sophie's problem? Hazel could have been sexually abused for all this bitch knows? Why does she have a divine right to gossip about someone else's business?
Dan's got his proper sneer face on looking at her. Dan WAS actually trying to help Hazel, it's just his natural inclination to patronise. It's not about you, Sophie, you dumbass. You saw your boyfriend today, why don't you just chill out.
Dexter is reserving his right to an opinion on Daley until he gets out. Well, I think that's fair enough. Dexter: 'After a few drinks that could have been any of us.' Not so much.
This tennis ball thing is getting on my nerves. It MUST be BB doing it for storylines! I think that's quite damaging to the emotional health of the housemates to play tricks on them like that. Has that been sanctioned by Dr Funke?
Also, I've said this many times today, but how can there be any justice that Daley gets thrown out for aggression, goes 'I was a bit hungry' and gets 'there, there' from Emma, whereas when Hazel comes out, she'll be lucky not to be shot or burnt at the stake. You'll need subtitles for her interview for all the chanting from that scum crowd.
And as for Emma's despicable 'it takes two to tango' and 'it's 50/50' comments: I hope she realises today just how damaging those words are to women trying to escape abusive men and then thinking, am I partly responsible? I hope she realises what she's done. Sick when you think about it, really. I hope she apologises on BOTS tonight but I won't hold my breath. Night.

Big Brother 2013: You haven't done anything wrong

Nominations plus the Daley fall out; this should be a good show. I've pinpointed what it is that's made this series so good and it's that few big characters being evicted. It could be a VERY different show without Gina, Dexter and even Dan. BB have fiddled with the noms quite a lot, but I think it's paid off.
So Hazel did go back to the safe (!) house after nutgate. The pitchfork crowd will be up in arms! I've literally been defending her all day to WOMEN who think she's responsible for words that come out of Daley's mouth (not even including what he did physically). It's a sad, bitter, petty sexist world we live in.
So glad I don't have to hear Daley's aggressive, horrible voice anymore. Except for when he's on BOTS later and no doubt pretending he's sorry after being told to. I bet a million pounds Hazel still gets dragged through the mud. Let me very clear: I do not LIKE Hazel. But that has NOTHING to do with what Daley did and the sort of man Daley is. Let's not fudge the two issues.
Kick out times again! I wonder if this conversation with Hazel and Dan really took place at the same time as Daley was in the DR. Interesting Hazel said she'd gone off him. Trust Charlie to ruin that conversation. She ruins everything. She's ruining two hairstyles at once on the one head.
Notice they didn't show him slagging off Hazel again! Just jog on in your little shorts, Daley.
I was pleased to hear Hazel say she doesn't want the drama in her life before she even knew he had gone. I knew she wouldn't stand for his crap. She's a ball-buster.
Interesting they kicked Daley out THEN gave Hazel a warning. And we didn't get to see the warning. Ah, I know why. Cos they told her not to tell the other housemates about what Daley did. Right?
Also interesting how in denial the housemates were about the announcement Daley was leaving. They haven't got a clue, have they?
Hazel: 'why are you looking at me? How do I know what the rules are?' Haven't you read the rule book? Vinnie Jones was all over it.
Twins; 'he's not done anything that serious.' How the FUCK do you know, you presumptuous little twits? He could have punched or sexually assaulted Hazel in the SH for all you know, you don't see EVERYTHING! You don't KNOW everything. They are insensitive little twerps. It's not like BB just throws someone out for no reason.
Dan feel like it's real. Dan has spoken.
Dexter, don't blub about Daley. I'm sure you'll be bro's on the outside, bruv (well...)
Notice how Dan's first conclusion was that 'he'd tried it on hard' ie. sexually assaulted her. Daley can't be a stand up chap for that to be the first thing for a fellow housemate to think, can he? Was sad when Hazel said 'I'm going to be in so much trouble' because it's true, she is, unjustly, and she will blame herself, too.
I'd like to have that cuddle with Dan if I was feeling down. I think he can be a good friend. Quite firm at times, but fair (mainly).
I thought Hazel was quite fair in the retelling of the story, she didn't embellish it. I cried then when she told that story. She didn't mean for that to happen. I don't think he did either, but it doesn't matter, HE IS THE ONE WHO DID IT. Have we got that yet?
Dan ALMOST said 'I told you so' but resisted.
That was quite nice when Big Brother said to Hazel 'you don't always have to be fine.'
Will Dan keep the secret?
Hazel on Daley: 'I hope he'll be OK.' Daley on Hazel last night: 'She's a devious person.' Prediction of Daley on BOTS tonight: 'I'm sorry, I was under a lot of stress etc.'
How could anyone defend a man who's first thought when being ejected was to blame his victim? It makes me sick to my stomach.
I'm glad Gina interrupted Charlie's boring girl-band tales by getting attacked by some wildlife.
I don't see why Hazel can nominate; Dexter and Gina couldn't last week.
NOMS! Twins did Dexter and Callum and I wrote that before they even spoke. I hate their speaking in unison in the DR, it's not cute. I would like to see them shown the door this week.
Callum did Dexter, probably because he's got better dress sense that him. Yay, he did Jackie, too. Don't blame him, she treats him like crap. Yeah he wants Charlie to 'come out of her shell'. Come out of her knickers more like.
Jackie nommed Gina for being unhygienic. Don't you get it, Gina is not going to go? Are you stupid or something, Grandma? She nominated Callum for being too keen to ride the bike when people need to do their hair. Callum; YOU BASTARD. You're no better than Hitler!
Was nice when one of those twins cuddled Hazel. I hope they've not been going on at her about what the reason is. Hazel looks good with that high ponytail. So what if Daley's Sam's best friend! He's GONE!
Back to noms: Sophie did Callum for being 'biggy big bollocks' whatever than means. She also did Dexter because she's a prick.
Charlie: 'there's some really great people in here, it's hard to nominate.' Gina: laughs in her face. I love Gina!
Dan nommed Callum. Oh God, are they STILL going on about Callum's audition tape three weeks later? That should be invalid! GET OVER IT.
Ooh, Dan nommed the twins over DEXTER. Brilliant. But he hates Joe more. I still don't know who's who, but Joe, you've fucked it for Jack. Oh, Joe's the fatter one. I think the fatter one is the gay one?! I don't know, though.
Sam nominated Dexter. Aw, that makes me sad after the chat I saw with them the other night. Ha, he called Dexter 'smarmy.' Dexter is smarmy, a bit. Sam also nominated Gina. Haven't you worked out Dexter and Gina aren't worth nominating?
Gina nommed Jackie in Nikki Grahame style. Gina nominated the twins! Yes, glad she didn't nominate Dexter. Ah, Gina likes Jack more than Joe, too. Joe, you're dragging the twin alliance down, mate.
Charlie nominated Callum because she's a heartless bitch. I hate the way she goes on between him and Dexter. Ooh, she nominated the twins, too. Ha, she nominated the twins for calling her boring. Well, they called that right. Twins got more than I thought.
Hazel looks good today, like a wronged Lara Croft. She nominated Gina and Callum.
Why is Charlie going sniffing round Callum after she nommed him? I really don't like her.
Dexter's noms: Callum (because he wants to fuck Charlie). Dexter is nominating Callum for being manipulative! That's rich. Oh no, Dexter nominated Gina! Disappointed face. D&G is ovah!
Dexter's getting told off by him - sorry, Charlie's - mum. Chip-gate! Sam's face during the Jackie and Dexter's argument was funny. Jackie is enjoying arguing with Dexter!
I don't know why Callum is surprised to be up. I love Gina's reactions to nominations. I'd be up every week if I was in that house, too! I don't know why Hazel is hugging Callum, she nominated him.
Twins: 'it's obvious who's done it.' Jackie: 'Jack and Joe, you will not go. That's 100%.' Move over, Wolfy, there's a new optimist in town!
Good to see the twins UTC and depressed a bit; they're quite happy to put Dexter on the rack every week.
Ah, they're doing reverse psychology: 'we knew we wouldn't make it to the final.' At least the twins can go stuff their faces to their hearts content when they leave. That's all they care about anyway.
Callum: 'I'm done with this house anyway. I'm not done with it, I'd love to stay.'
I thought Gina was going to laugh about the twins faces when she said they were up, but she said she felt bad! Gina is in proper 'It's so cooooooooooold' mode tonight.
Twin about Dexter: 'if there's any justice he will leave.' No, if there's any justice, it will be a double and we can kick out two for the price of one with you are your sour-faced brother, plus the mother no one asked for. Vote twins and Jackie to save Gina and Dexter, please.
Oh God, time for the Daley show. I need a drink.

Big Brother 2013: Daley bailed

Weeeeeeeeell, the slut shack worked out well, didn't it? Not exactly a shock to see Daley out on his ear, after his antagonistic behaviour the night before. I'm not sorry to see the end of Romeo and Juliet, I must admit. I am disgusted with some of the comments I've seen about Hazel; and there's been a lot of them. Victim blaming is alive and well, as if you didn't know. 'She led him on, she drove him to it, he had pent up rage.' It would be funny if it wasn't so horrific.

It's always the quiet ones, isn't it? I remember last year Conor didn't speak for about a month then BAM. Pent up rage indeed! Women hating, more like.

I notice Hazel has less make up today on than normal! Doing as she's told.

Job interview task! Daley: you're fired. I liked the way Dexter shook hands; it was confident. I thought they already showed Charlie nominating Callum! 

Why does everyone hate Callum so much?! Looks like he's going to be up this week. Yeah Callum, why can't you be more nasty like Daley? Jackie seems less adverse to a Dexter son in law than a Callum son in law. 

Gina, who do you dislike in the house? 'Hazel, Hazel, Hazel.' Ace.

Hazel calling Gina 'boring'! That's the last thing she is.

Dexter and Callum having a little dig at each other, I've been waiting for this moment. Womaniser, womaniser, etc.

How will we be able to tell the difference when Callum is 'overly complimenting' Charlie?

Ad break: I want to kill every last person in this McDonalds advert! I'm praying for a knife crime. Don't care if it's the creepy old man or the cliched estate kids. Shoot the lot of them dead.

Also, I don't require MEAT in my crisps, thanks! Why not try reducing the fat in them a bit?

Shows what a sadistic pair Daley and Hazel are putting Charlie and Callum on a date together and making Dexter be the butler. 

Charlie, you could have combed your hair for the date, and you've got a face like a bag of spanners. Poor Callum, dragged through the mud again.

Callum: 'wake up in the morning, self doubt.' That sounds pleasant! Does he follow that with a shot of vodka? He feels worthless! Aw. This speech doesn't even feel real. 'I invested in you.' She's not a bank!

Callum is having a loo cry whilst Dexter has a piece of Charlie. Charlie LOVES the attention of having Callum and Dexter fighting over her!

Sam: 'have you been crying?' Callum: 'NO! It's my lenses.' Dexter trying to crawl round Jackie, haha. 

Things they cut out of the Hazel/ Daley fight that I saw on the live feed: him swearing on his kids lives, him going 'bitches be crazy' and counting down agitatedly because Hazel was chatting in the garden with Charlie for 20 minutes when he obviously wanted some attention. They also had an argument about what colour the Irish flag was for about 15 minutes.

OK, so it definitely started out as a play fight, but we all know that ends in tears. Cover-gate! 

If someone said to me 'I go mad' I wouldn't say 'go for it' if I was Hazel. This is a girl who's never been in an abusive relationship. Seems like she she was getting off on it a bit, and I hate to say that. But that DOES NOT MEAN she is to blame.

When he grabbed her throat, they were KIND of messing around. I don't know why he said 'I'm going to nut you one'. Argh, I don't want to defend him but there was a bit of a grey area there. It wasn't quite Charles Saatchi. But it was horrible. 

Weird the way Hazel went to sit on that chair so suddenly, and she looked a bit twitchy. Maybe she was laughing nervously before? Maybe she was more scared than she let on?  

Daley: 'Did I say anything offensive?' Er, yeah! He was so drunk, he probably doesn't even realise what he said.

Daley: 'Aggressive?' Argh, Hazel looks nervous. I think she knows it went over the line. She's rattled.

Hazel in the DR will be what seals Daley's fate. Yep, she sealed it. 

Ha, Hazel got a warning, too. So she's getting a bit of the blame. This will feed the vultures nicely. 

Daley gets called to the diary room looking like a prawn. Weird when BB reads your word back to you, isn't it?

Oh shit! Big Brother told him Hazel said she felt threatened! They shouldn't have said that. He will BLAME HER! This is so wrong. It was HIM, not HER. She MUST have been called into the diary room today and asked again if she felt uncomfortable around him, right?

Daley has a point with 'how come we were cuddling afterwards'? It DID start off as a joke. But that joke isn't funny anymore. It's quite good really, because it shines a light on what goes on behind closed doors if that can happen on TV, and how quickly someone can become out of control.

Now here's the crux. He's the real Daley: 'I want everyone to know Hazel is the most devious person, and a liar as well.' Finally - we see it. It's all her fault. Daley's innocent. He'll run back to the girlfriend. They'll live happily never after. And Hazel: burn the witch. These sexist cunts have already got their pitchforks ready. Oh, Daley. Why couldn't you just have said sorry and gone out with a modicum of respect?

Just saw the bit on BOTS where they told the house and they didn't believe Saint Daley could have been ejected. But WHY did Hazel pretend not to know why? That was the perfect opportunity for her to hint at something horrible but unmentionable that Daley had done and set herself up for the sympathy vote. Bad strategy. Bad taste in men.

I really hope Dexter's girfriend doesn't take him back, but I fear she will. This horrible man won't learn his lesson. Hazel will be slut-shamed forever. And someone like the twins or Sophie will win the show.

I wonder what the twist was going to be tonight? I still think it was Daley's girlfriend going in. I wonder what will happen with nominations. I wish they'd give them a week off, to be honest. I feel like I need a week off for good behaviour!

Bye Daley. Sorry we didn't get to boo the fuck out of you, you massive misogynistic prick. 

Big Brother 2013: It's 2013, love

Jackie has woken up crying! Ooh did Dan really leave his job to go on BB? I thought he must have left the police force already. Maybe Dan can be the new Rav Wilding, ha.
Jackie wants to go. Let's get rid now, please. Pack your belongings (one-handed) and leave.
I am disgusted with Hazel and Daley going in the safe house and I genuinely believe it's a fix, and I never believe that. Why would people vote for someone who nearly left last week to have immunity? Because they want to see two horrible people have sex? It's not just senseless but it's short sighted putting these selfish idiots in the safe house! Their main targets will be Gina and Dexter. Why was the vote open for such a short time? It STINKS, it really does. I'm quite pissed off about it. My only thought is that they're setting them up for a fall and they're going to parachute the girlfriend in. It's the only reasoning I can think of.
Charlie knows exactly what she said last night. Why does everyone think they can talk to Dexter like he's a piece of crap? I saw a really nice bit on the live feed with Dexter giving career advice to Sam. I like Sam more now.
They have misconstrued what Daley said on the clip, he meant he would see Dexter after, not that he wouldn't see him again. Gina just misunderstood it, there was no malice there.I don't like Dexter going against Gina to kowtow to Hazel! Doesn't he realise D&G are the dream team?
Hazel and Daley have 'drawn a line in the sand with all of that carry on'. Did the tide come in?
Suddenly the housemates are getting moralistic about Hazel and Daley because of them going in the slut shack; it's been going on for a week! Have you only just noticed it's gross? Wake up, humans.
Daley, the man of the house: 'It's 2013, love, equal rights.' The most ironic sentence spoken yet and yet he's too stupid to even realise why.
Dan's got his nose in someone else's business as usual! Makes a change. Listen to how much everyone's mentioning the girlfriend! This is a total set up; they're going to put her in. And if it hasn't crossed Hazey's mind, they're brainless.
Why does Daley always talk in a combative manner, even when he's just talking about nothing? The man is a total pig. I can't STAND him.
Is Sophie wearing one of Wolfy's old tie-dye blankets? Bonding with Sam? She must be bored. I'm glad Sam has some moral fibre. It's unexpected.

Daley: 'don't look but I'm going to get my bits out.' OK. *Doesn't look*.
Gina on using a dustpan and brush: 'Oh, it's working!' What did she expect to happen?
Dan, don't worry about Hazey. They've made their bed. Let's hope they spontaneously combust in it.
Callum, your chance of planting a seed in Charlie is over. Mum there or not, you're fucked. Also, that was nominations talk! My boyfriend said they should send them to jail for that conversation and announce what was said to the house, like they do. Can you imagine Jackie's face when they went 'At 11.15 Sam said 'get the mum out'? LOL.
Callum can't have kept his act up THAT well during auditions, I think Big Brother must have known most of it was a 'persona'. Maybe that's why they found him interesting. Callum commenting on Charlie's 'rear end' - ugh! 'I'm not talking catwalk model skinny.' Charming! Is he 'negging' Charlie with his 'face for radio' comment? Oh DEAR. Smooth, Callum! Smooth. What's up with him, is he drunk?
Daley was quite sharp making Dexter streak around the garden! Hilarious. Look at them all lined up! OMG that was genius, I just cried with laughter. Why was Dexter singing R Kelly? Why did he have a picture of himself stuck to his chest? Why was he covering up his bum hole? Did he really go round the garden that many times? The best 60 seconds of TV all week. Gina's face was a picture. He's a bit chubbier than I thought he would be, he looks tiny in clothes! That's the only good thing Daley's done in the house; made Dexter strip. Dan didn't look too impressed; probably because he wasn't centre of attention for a second.

In the slut shack, Hazel and Daley are about to have the 'conversation' I saw on live feed where he basically told her he doesn't want her to wear make up, she doesn't need to worry so much about her career and various other things for about 30 minutes, all of which were raging red flags screaming CONTROL FREAK. Why do these sort of guys go for glamour girls then try and change them? if you like 'natural beauty' so much, why not go out with a plain Jane? Because he's a controlling cunt, that's why. She's not 'missing the point.' I think she got the point perfectly. He's a freak. Run for your life, Hazel. Get a restraining order. You can tell by her face she was freaked out by it. That would be enough to put me off him forever. And I don't think Hazel's that stupid. Sure, she wants to fuck him. But I don't think she really wants to be with this guy. Who would?
Daley really knows how to woo a girl, doesn't he? He's all charm! Why is Hazel even bothering to still try and get him into bed? I think she just sees him as a conquest. Once she's proved she can have him, he'll be done.Daley 'will not get under the covers.' Cut to... Daley under the covers.
PS: Watch the live feed on the Channel 5 website! It's really good! Night.

Big Brother 2013: Inspector Clueless

We've been watching live feed! Charlie is a cow! She's sold Dexter down the river. What does he see in her? She's got a permanent hangdog expression, spindly eyelashes and she's obviously going to turn into Jackie sooner rather than later. I can't stand her, she's the new entry at the top of my hate list! Also, I wish everyone would shut up about food on the live feed! It's all they ever talk about. Just feed these fuckwits!
Dan's drama about trainee policeman he was talking about writing sounds good/awful. It's interesting to hear them talk about shit like that anyway. And it's good not to have to look at Wolfy anymore.
Dexter: 'I feel like someone got an ice cream scoop and cut out my insides.'That would take a while.
Callum's almost got normal colours on today. We think a bum bag would look good with his usual garb. Dexter says Callum's a 'smorgasbord of personalities.' And clothes choices. Dan and Dexter are bonding over their Callum dislike.
Did Daley just refer to himself as a 'pretty boy'? Who told him that!?
It is hilarious giving Dan the detective task - inspired! There have been some good editorial decisions this year, I must admit. The show has been produced much better than last year, ie. with some care. Hopefully they learnt some lessons from last year. They couldn't have fucked it up much more.
Have they given Dan a notebook?! Is he rooting through the bins? Is he going to stop and search someone? He'll probably try and stitch Daley up for it cos he's black. Ah, Dan proved his detective skills. Dan's working out in front of the mirror, jungle cats style.
Dexter's gameplan has gone bananas! He honestly thinks the world revolves around him. I hate people who talk about 'girlfriend material' because that implies some people are just 'spunk material' or something else material.
Dexter wants walks along the beach and the '10 minutes after sex where you stare at each other'. That 10 minutes normally involves someone happily rolling a fag in my house.
Wow, Wolfy is wearing a scrunchie! WTF. Aw, it meant more to her than a lot of people in the house. Well, boo woo. See you later, you fake, lying mess. They should have dug her out about fatgate in her eviction interview, too.
Fucking hell man, Callum's leg is going like the clappers! This is a man under the cosh. Hazel looks nice in her outfit. Shame about the clown make up.
Why are the twins and Daley all wedged in that tiny sofa?! There's three spare chairs there! It's like when someone sits next to you on the bus when there's seats free. What did that person in the crowd shout? It sounded like 'Hazel is evil.'
The twins, 'we love you, Wolfy.' Why did you vote her out then? They're just as arrogant as her, and nearly as vile.
I really like Dan's floral shirt!
I wonder if Gina really feels bad about not saving Wolfy? Dexter's Titanic style cufflinks!
Why is Gina upset about the safe house? Was she expecting to live in the safe house forever?! She's not going to get to enjoy that silky sheet after all! I love the fact she wants to go back in and sod everyone else.
Bed wars! Jackie's got a sick note. Gina's not bothered. Fuck you, Jackie!
Jackie and Charlie's DR bicker! God, if my mum spoke to me like that I'd get emancipated.
Daley gave Dexter some good advice: 'try and get in with Jackie.' Ha! Charlie DOES give Dexter mixed signals a bit.
Gina, get a grip. You're going to have to enjoy the ambiance of the main house again. Eat your Weetabix.
I want Dexter and Dan to become friends! I liked their little cuddle. Ironically, Charlie was running Dexter's name into the ground in the bedroom as this chat was happening. In fact, Charlie did not shut up all night. I can only imagine what she was like on drugs. Mind you, having Jackie as a mum would drive you to drugs.
Surely Hazel and Daley can make their OWN mind up about what to do about their own tawdry little dalliance? Why do they need Dexter's opinion/approval either way?
Tree house truth times! Charlie: 'you're cold, cutting, gameplaying, untrustworthy.' Love you, too!
Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssnake. Well, rather a snake than a sour-faced shrew. Jog on, skunky.

Big Brother 2013: Wolf packed

My friend is voting to evict Wolfy tonight and she never votes! Enough said. Apparently the odds are really close between Hazel and Wolfy to go. I have voted to evict Wolfy three times. I'd like to see Hazel go up against Daley so it's less of a witch hunt.
I enjoyed the online live feed last night! Fell asleep watching it on my phone. Nice seeing their evening behaviours, especially Dexter and Charlie in bed together! Wait until Jackie finds out.
Ooh, Callum's spouting crap. Callum's 'why did no one like my advice' was his Big Brother highlight. Who's rattled his cage? The eviction, I guess.
Gina's system of referring to Hazel as 'H' is genius. Where does she come up with this code?!
I WISH we could get Jackie out tonight! Who dries up? Just leave things out and they dry!
What's up with Dan's hair?! Shepherd's pie gate. Fight, fight, fight! 'Bore off' indeed. Did Jack just say, 'why are you being so immature, age not shoe size.' Saying 'age not shoe size' is VERY mature, I'm sure you'll agree.
Ugh, save me speeches! I hate them. Callum: 'just a normal lad from down the road.' Zzzzz.
Wolfy's bringing entertainment into the 21st 'penitentiary.' She's our humble court jester - off with her head.
Dexter getting territorial over Charlie! Funny. What IS he talking about? Gina is basically laughing in his face. 
Hazel's body looks good. Perhaps they're trying to keep her in?
LOL to Gina stirring it about Dexter. Ha, caught out! Dexter: 'don't start, Gina!' That was good.
Charlie's two tone hair makes it look greasy, and those Tina earrings are just gross. DOES Charlie like Dexter a bit?! I think she does. Dexter is wearing two pairs of sunglasses today. To go with his two girlfriends. Or none.
I'm tired of Emma being biased! She has been slating Hazel so bad on BOTS and the Jackie love is just unfathomable.
I hope Callum gets the least votes and not Jackie! That will be one in the eye for her.
Ooh, they're showing the nominations on the screen! Eek. Some good faces here. Ooh, Daley nominating Callum is going to hurt. That twin looked guilty as sin for nominating Wolfy. Wait until Callum sees Charley nominated him! What, they didn't even show that one, that would be the most interesting!
Detective Dan having a go at Dexter! Ha. SHUT UP DAN. Bad feelings!
Aw, Callum is safe, bless him. Cute seeing Dexter with his arm round him. Another woman will leave the BB house tonight! Honestly I'd be glad to the back of any of this three. Wish it was a double!
Wolfy's crying! Tee hee. WTF is Wolfy wearing in the DR? A wigwam isn't an outfit. Oh dear, Wolfy is doing Monopoly analogies. Contrived! And capitalist. The electric company is worth NOTHING! It's your arrogance that will see you hoofed out, Wolfy.
Wow, Jackie is DESPERATE to win! I bet Callum would LOVE to see the back of that bitch.
Dexter is courting Charlie again. He's got a twinkle in his eye.
I think someone has bet Callum to wear the most revolting clothes money could buy in that house. That can't really be to his taste.
Hazel on Dexter: 'I'm sure he'd be GREAT in bed.' Bitch! What does she do in bed, pout in the mirror?
Dan is upset because his BFF(ish) Hazel is going to leave. Cry me a river! So moving.
They didn't show much of the Dexter and Charlie thing, it was actually reasonably intimate!
OMG it was Wolfy! My votes counted. She must be REALLY hated to go against 'homewrecker' Hazel. Dan must be thrilled, I'm surprised he's not jumping on the couch.
Er, what just happened?! Why did it go to an ad break?! I want to see Wolfy get booed, not another fucking advert! What is going on? Techno-chronics.
There's a she wolf in the closet! Lock it. I like it when people come out and go 'is that all you got' to the booers.
Wolfy's not arsed! They've got the eye open, they normally have it shut. Wolfy; 'I got cheered when I went in and cheered in the first week.' But now we know you, we can't stand you.
I hate it when people say 'it's a gameshow.' That crowd are being gross, though.
What was Wolfy's gameplan? Quantum physics of the universe? Science, yo.
Nature told Wolfy to expect the unexpected. Is nature Julie Chen? Emma should have called her out on her nature, hippy, shamen bullshit.
Go twitch elsewhere, Wolfy. I'm glad they showed her up about her arrogance. Ha, they had to shut the eye because of the chav crowd. 
The only thing I can say in Wolfy's defence is that she's young. But even so, I was young once. And I wasn't Wolfy. Wolfy, you don't deserve the wub wubs.
Oh no, they're making two more housemates immune from eviction next week! Who's it going to be? Ooh, they've paired them up. Dexter and Charley! Gina and Dan would be quite good, too. Either of those. I like the fact Gina wants to go back in and not give someone else a chance!
OMG Emma mentioned the live feed online! Are they backing it? Cool!

Big Brother 2013: I feel like it's unhygenic to pour it back

I've just been rocking out to the youtube of Smashing Pumpkins at Glastonbury, so I'm in a good mood, sure to be ruined by tonight's shenanigans. I think I might be having a Smashing Pumpkins revival like my Placebo revival. Maybe one day I'll like a new band? Probably not.
Anyway, onto another thing I never got over: Big Brother. Ooh, tonight's show looks quite promising.
Dan: 'what's a treasury chambers?' This guy was a policeman.
I like the idea of Dexter as a politician. That gold framed picture of him is AMAZING.
Charlie has got Tina from Corrie's earrings on tonight. Not sure if that's part of the task or not.
I WISH Jackie was going tomorrow, and she would if it was a vote to save. Funny how Jackie thinks Hazel and Daley are so NICE but she hates Callum so much. What's the deal?
I must admit, I am tired of this Hazel and Daley storyline, but I'm also sick of Wolfy spitting and sulking. Which is better, etc?
Dexter seems quite pleased that he's annoyed Hazel. What game is he playing? Yeah, Hazel, it's all DEXTER'S fault. Everything's someone else's fault and not yours.
Charlie looks like the politician outfit could be her own clothes.
I do fancy Dexter a bit in those glasses, it had to be said. Now, let's never speak of it again. Dexter is enjoying this task WAY too much! He needs to chill out. We've seen many a housemate get dethroned after going mad with power.
Twin cracked a funny! First time for everything.
Hazel not having to wear make-up isn't much of a punishment when you look like that. I'd rather die than pick through that alphabet soup.
Ha, they're tempting Gina in the DR with a manicure at the expense of the task. I knew Gina would go for it, because she's smart! Put Callum in there and he'd be umming and ahhing like a good 'un. I hate it when they're martyrs for the group. Fuck the group. The group cares for no one.
Hazel is over G&D coming back in when they'd voted them out. Well WE didn't vote them out, and WE spend our money to vote, so why don't you shut the fuck up? OK, ta.
Hazel doesn't like being called evil and a snake. She doesn't mind calling Dexter it, though.
Jack, Joe? I can't tell them apart. They're both cunts as far as I'm concerned.
Dexter, black people don't have spray tans. Do they? The make up artist actually did Gina's face the colour it is and she looks much prettier for it than her usual ghostly look. I love Gina, though, she can do what the hell she wants, who am I to argue?
Jackie hasn't got a CLUE about her housemates. She makes up her mind about people without taking the facts into account.
Is Jackie REALLY giving Dexter the 'she's the cat's mother' speech? Dear Lord! Oh Jackie, why don't you SHUT UP. I can't STAND THIS WOMAN. Dexter is so gracious when people are picking him apart! Imagine if he stood there doing that to them? There'd be hell to pay! Dexter aint opening the door for that bitch. And who can blame him?
Jackie's getting a bad edit tonight. Are they trying to get rid? I would happily see the back of her OR Wolfy.
Oh dear, they are going to take the fags off the housemates! This sounds like a perfect way to get rid of Wolfy! I sense a Nadia coming on. They are right to put the needs of 70% of housemates over the 30% who are smoking. But I'm sure more than 30% of these smoke. Either way, they're right.
Wolfy's FACE! Wow. Slapped arse doesn't cover it. Has Wolfy had an undercut? She looks like crap. Any goth in Northampton looks better than this bag of slop. Wolfy rules by intimidation!
Don't 'piggyfoot' round Wolfy! God, you'd think she was 14 years old! Grow up, woman! Keep digging, Wolfy, keep digging your grave, and make it a big one. I don't know why Dan is pandering to her, he hates her guts. He's probably just trying to wind her up.
Sam is confusing a bedsit and a bedside table. Even Callum doesn't seem to know what a bedsit is. Quick, rent these dickheads a flat, it will be a steal.
Wolfy is angrily wielding a knife. Hope she doesn't cut her fingers off (much).
Dexter likes fine wines, ha. LOL, he's taking his treat as well. Gotta love him and Gina. I don't get wine tasting. Why not just drink it? Chin chin!Ha to them taking the champagne, too!
The misery house taking some of the shopping budget for a party, too. No one understands Wolfy as usual! Boo woo.
OMG listen to the way Jackie speaks to Dexter, and the pointing! Revolting old crone. I love the fact Gina is just ignoring her.
Pipe down, Jackie. Gina's 'I think it's unhygienic to pour it back' could rank up there with top best excuses for nicking wine ever. Gina feels bad. Gina don't feel that bad.
Put it down the sink?!!! Are you mad, Hazel? What sort of dictatorship is this? Go on, Gina, stick it to her. 'Little bitch.' Ha!
Oh dear, why is Dexter having this conflab with Hazel? This is ill-advised! Oh, cringe, Dexter, stop talking! 'You look like a cold, heartless bitch.' Don't sit on the fence, Dexter. What about your hall pass?
I think Hazel looks better without her full war paint. She's still got quite a bit of make up on, though, to be honest. Dexter: 'you look loose'!!!!! OMG.
Callum's got his nipple pierced, groo.
Why is Daley calling Dexter sly? Dexter was looking out for him! Daley is making himself look a prat, all puffed up.
Dexter: 'some of the most disgustingly awkward moments I've ever watched on national television in my life.' When it's Dexter saying THIS to you, you're FUCKED. The game is up.
WOW, Dexter is really sticking it to her hard, Daley's girlfriend must be watching it cheering. I do agree with most of what he's saying, but really, is it his place to say it?
Why is Charlie encouraging Daley to go have a ruck with Dexter? Dexter's a maggot? What are you, then?! You're fucking pond life, Daley. Scum off the bottom of Dexter's Tuco shoes.
Daley you're on Big Brother, of course people are going to talk about 'you and her' (ie. the cat's mother). Daley, you're being a complete dick. I really hope you're up next week. 'You're my boy'. I don't think so. If I was Hazel I wouldn't hug Dexter after he called me disgusting, I'd fucking nut him.
Uh oh, mount Wolfy is about to blow. Is she going to ask to leave? Go on! Open the door for her. Kick her up the arse.
Why is Charlie trying to get info out of Dexter now, when she just shit-stirred that Daley/Hazel situation? I don't trust Charlie, you know. She does cause trouble. You don't get bags like that and that hangdog expression by being sweet and innocent. That's worry!
Haha, Charlie: 'I don't want to know now.' Yeah, right. Dexter is going to get nommed by EVERYONE next week.
Twin: 'the wrong people have been given too much power.' No, the wrong twins have been put in this show. Come back Samanda, Playboy twins and Jedward. We didn't know how good we had it.
Most people have slept in a train station at some point. Charlie is using Dexter as a whipping boy after Jackie's earlier beating.
Charlie, what loyalty do you have to Dexter, you put him up every week. Ha, Dexter telling Charlie he's got feelings for her! What planet is he on?! She didn't even blink! What does he see in her? I don't believe it either. Oh my God, Daley's sitting there, too. Poor Dexter.
Get off his BACK! No one else has to justify their existence like he does. It makes me sick! Charlie: 'Dexter, no offence, you look like the arsehole anyway.' NONE TAKEN! 

Big Brother 2013: Pipe down, fatty

Well tonight's show has already been ruined for me by BOTS, so thanks for the warning! What an anti-climatic way to bring Dexter and Gina back into the house, and also they made a sucky choice of who to save. What's the point in saving Charlie if you're going to piss her off at the same time by putting psycho mummy up? Bad strategy! I HATE Jackie. I wish they'd saved Callum, he could have done with a boost.
Hazel, stop clinging to Daley, you're making a fool of yourself and you're going to get kicked out this week. I am still holding out the flame of hope for Wolfy to go. I'll be voting to evict Wolfy thrice! But the Martin Bashir style interview with Daley's GF on BOTS was pretty much Hazel's game packed up and shipped back to Ireland. Don't get me wrong; I felt for Daley's pretty, crying girlfriend. But I STILL want Wolfy out! Also, the 'burn the witch' Hazel stuff gets on my wick. Burn DALEY!
Ooh, Callum is having a go at Wolfy for saying she was going to win! At last someone said it. Wolfy still wouldn't backtrack on it. There's a 'fine line between confidence and arrogance.' You're over it.
Wolfy on winning: 'we'll see.' Yes, we will. You're not gonna. Why are Callum and Wolfy bickering? Good on you, Callum, for saying what we're thinking, anyway. I don't know why they didn't save you instead of Charley.  Why won't Wolfy just wake up and get a little humble? Is she pig-headed or just stupid?
Why are Gina and Dexter copping out on this decision?! I'm disappointed in them! Oh, so they chose Charlie on the basis of purely being able to put up with her in the safe house more! Trust these two. Why doesn't Dexter want to be in a confined space with Callum? Is he scared the high street clothing might rub off? Gina's right, the room IS pink. Biased for a girl to go in *sexist*.
Oh, there's a jacuzzi. I don't care. Oh, it's a pool. Can't do many laps in that pool!
Hazel's tone of voice when she said 'Gina and Dexter'. Ha! Not so much glee as a grimace. They were definitely more excited about the paddling pool that the returnees. Not such much as a sniff of fight night.
Dexter: 'there's a lot of business to attend to.' Callum: nodding dog.
Shouldn't Jackie be HAPPY that Charlie is safe, rather than bitter that she's on the block?! Jackie, you're her mum, wouldn't you catch a grenade for her?! Fame hungry or what? This woman is unbelievable. 
Dexter LOVED imparting that news! Jackie's sour face. Dexter: 'the public were voting to save me and Gina.' *Rubs it in*.
I'm glad Gina gave Callum a crumb of comfort and said she was backing him 100%. He needed that. Dexter is stirring! Daley looks mad.
Detective Dan patting himself on the back! Well, we knew it would happen.
Daley backtracking about the girlfriend. Dexter 'we'll chat later.' Ominous! Dexter, don't blow it. Don't act too cocky now.
Hazel is right; the public are watching. And they've been sharpening their pitchforks. Daley; get your hands of Hazel's buttons.
Gina to twin: 'I always knew you were bitchy.' Ha! He didn't KNOW?! He's rude as fuck. If I was in there I'd just front it out and stand by everything I said. If you can't take the heat, shut your mouth!
Dexter: 'eat the cake.' Daley has got Big Brother brain! Marcus, the IDH, developed this virus back in the day, and since then it's spread to the loins of many a male housemate.
Dan is thrilled he's not come across like a tool on the feed and he didn't say anything damaging. He's 'pleased to see them both' - yeah, if you say so, Dan. He likes Dexter now? Dan 'knew it'. What about all the things Dan thought he knew but didn't? Dan was lucky that this was the first week he hadn't been acting like a complete prick.
I'm not sure Jackie IS happy for you, Charlie! I think she's more worried about her own skin.
Dexter calling Dan lovely! Ha, he'd 'rather not comment' on Hazel. That says it all!
Good on Gina saying 'it's not right' to Daley about his girlfriend! She's not on that fence whatsoever. 'I couldn't watch at some points.' I love her. I want Daley to shit himself. If that's how Gina felt, how must his girlfriend have felt? Oh, we know from the Princess Di interview last night.
Wolfy: 'Boom, it's showtime. I might be all about love and harmony.' WHEN? You're about as much about love and harmony as... er, me.
Sam is the WORST person to bitch to. He gives you NOTHING back. Jackie is FINE.
Dexter telling Daley to 'look like a man'! Haha. Oh god, taking relationship advice from Dexter. Dear, oh dear. Dexter loves his girlfriend, but would have took it further by now if he knew his girlfriend had dumped him. This guy is ALL CHARM. That's REAL LOVE right there. How romantic!
OMG, stop press, Sam speaks! 'What they're doing is proper disrespectful' about Daley and Hazel. 'She's trying to steal someone's boyfriend.' That's the most honest thing I've heard him say. Thank God! He does have a brain and eyes. He has an opinion! More of it, please. Dan is trying to defend Hazel but 'he'd rather not get involved.' Probably wise, to be honest. Wow, Sam. You just went up in my estimation by a mile. By saying two sentences. Imagine if he said a whole paragraph?
Daley: 'for fuck's sake, what have I done?' Too late now! Princess Di is leaving the country. Your shit is probably in bin bags on your lawn. Daley if you love your girlfriend, why don't you walk and tell her? Oh I know why, because you're a fame whore.
It's annoying the way Dexter and Gina are hinting at things. Just say them or don't!
Dan is finally speaking out to Hazel, two days too late. 'I'd hate for you to leave under a cloud.' TOO LATE. Why did no one speak up two days ago! 'You don't want to be known as that girl.' TOO LATE.
Did Dan really say 'maybe on Friday it would be good if you go?' at the end. Wow! Hazel, I hate to break this to you, but it's too late. You're done, and you've fucking saved Wolfy. And for that, I hate you more than Daley's girlfriend does.

Big Brother 2013: Water guns - that would piss me off

Dear Big Brother, just show Dexter's face when he picks up that phone for an hour, it's preferable to Wolfy gobbing on the floor. Does a someone really sleep with this girl? And why haven't we seen Wolfy's girlfriend on anything? I can only assume it's because she's too ashamed to show her face.
Of course Hazel's being nice to Callum, he's powering the straighteners for her with his bike.
Sheep and lemmings is right. Dexter is trying to work out what the moral of him and Gina being put in the safe house is. I think it's just to make them look like pricks, isn't it? I don't really care what they say or do. They rule!
Oh, shut up, Jackie, you old cow. You don't care what anyone thinks but you won't say shit to Callum's face. Jackie: 'was I bad last night?' Charlie: 'Well...' Jackie: 'Oh, what are you talking about?' You asked!!! Did Callum hear what they said?
Jackie's true self is coming out now, a meddling mess. Bottle, bottle, bottle, bottle, bang is right. Hazel smirking at Jackie and Charlie arguing.
Marcus Bentley: 'Jack and Joe are interminable.' He didn't say it, but that's what I like to imagine he was thinking.
Dexter is feeling stronger in himself now. Good, they did grind him down. They had a go!
Daley: 'the next person I'm with, that's it.' You girlfriend will be pleased to hear the news. I don't know what either of them see in him, he's so nothingy and entitled. Total dog.
Callum is being creepy to Hazel. Look at his body! Groo. Charlie's finally had enough of her mum. I was fed up with her from launch night. Both of them, actually.
Callum is wearing Mr Byrite's 1993 summer collection. I think he thinks he's on holiday in Magaluf. He probably wishes he'd booked that ticket instead.
You HAVE crossed the line, Hazel. Several times. I wish it was a double eviction and we could get rid of hippy knickers and the SKET this week, although I don't know what that is, but Gina just spelt it. I'm guessing it's a slut? I don't use the word slut to describe women personally, but Gina know the girl code, so it must be OK (!).
Ahhhhh, another shit stirring task. I thought we hadn't had one for a while. Dexter and Gina have to insert housemates names into pre-written headlines. As if any real tabloids are writing about Big Brother (except the Daily Star's stream of salacious nonsense).
Dexter just used the word 'manhood' in a sentence. I know it's a tabloid task, but still. Ha, good choice making Daley paranoid. Hazel is a ssssssssssssnake.
Gina: 'that's wonky.' WOLFY is the biggest BB fake ever! Haha. JUDAS.
Why are they giving Sophie an indication she's going to the final? Aw, poor Callum being labelled the dullest. Actually, he's NOT dull! I find the unraveling of his polyester-clad facade quite tragic and definitely watchable. Sam is WAY duller.
If I stood in Wolfy's spit or worse still sat in it, I would go postal. Surely her spitting is a health and safety issue?! Can't she get a warning for it? Dennis got removed for it!
Dexter should have given a couple of nasty headlines to the twins, Jackie and Charlie.
Gina laughing at 'Hazel's too obvious' for the naughty pics, ha! Ha, Dan admitting he's sent them in the past.
Callum on the 'Dexter thinks Hazel's a snake' comment; 'it's just an opinion.' Well ANYTHING is just an opinion, isn't it? Dexter put those legs away. Ooh, Hazel looks furious.
See how quickly Twinny said 'Callum' to 'blank is biggest BB fake ever'? The sentence was barely finished! Everything Wolfy says is sarcastic and defensive. It's so tiring. Yes Wolfy, the 'public' thinks you're fake because 'you don't dress like a hippy every day' not because of your pretending to talk to animals and all the other bullshit things you do. Get a grip, girl! Reality check required in aisle one.
I hope Sophie doesn't think she's going win now. We wouldn't want another Wolfy situation on our hands. She didn't look very comfortable with the compliment anyway.
OMG Dexter and Gina laughing at Wolfy's squint! It's true, she does visibly twitch, though! That is NOT going to go down well with the haters. Never mind.
Hazel has got the proper hump about this task. I hope she gets really paranoid now, not that we'll be able to tell the difference.
I bet the housemates who didn't get headlines aren't really relieved; and I thought it was better to be talked about than not, Wolfy? Contradicting yourself again? Never!
Wolfy vs Charlie, ding ding! If I was Jackie I'd tell Wolfy to STFU.
More noms talk! Zzz. They need to give them a real punishment, not this jail crap.
I don't consider water guns a treat, either. I used to use a water pistol to chase away a cat that used to come through my cat flap. It wasn't fun; it was warfare.
Ha, Gina does snore! Sam's jokes: fail.
Wolfy's not going to stop spitting, cos she doesn't give a fuck what the public think about that. Charming. You're right, you do need to step up your game. She's like a football hooligan in that Diary Room. Blah, blah, she doesn't like Charlie. Charlie isn't even interesting enough to have a war with. Wolfy: 'it aint over yet.' Let's hope it is on Friday.
Dexter on killing a fly: 'sorry Wolfy.' I killed a fly at work the other day just cos someone sent me a shitty email. I did feel bad about it afterwards, though. Sometimes you gotta vent your spleeeeeeeeeen.
UGH why is Daley ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HIS WILLY? He's worse than Sam! I thought 'you make my willy expand' (which my boyfriend keeps quoting!) was a low point, little did we know we were just touching the tip of the... I'm going to end that sentence right there.
Is Hazel licking her lips at Daley? She only wants what she can't have! The minute she gets him she'll be bored out of her brain. She's like a praying mantis right now. Let's not dwell on Daley's 'area'.
Callum: sponsored by Lacoste. I remember thinking Lacoste was naff when my brother's friend used to wear it when I was about 13. The brand hasn't exactly moved on.
Jackie's shocked face when Charlie was up. Ha. Hazel; you should be worried, especially if Dexter and Gina save Wolfy. You'll be fucked. Because of course, that would be the strategic move. Save Wolfy, watch Hazel get the boot, and have Wolfy as the sitting duck next week. But do these two have the nous to work it out? I think Dexter does, but I don't think Gina's gonna go for saving Wolfy.
Charlie: 'it is what it is, it is what it is, it is what it is.' I hate this statement - which means NOTHING - enough when someone says it once. Three times is just aggravating.
Jack and Joe are such hypocrites pretending to be friends with Wolfbag even though they nominated her.
Callum's leg is going like the clappers. He's doing that one expression he does. 'Weeeeeeeeellll....' You never see Charlie and Callum talk anymore.
Jackie, wouldn't you walk with your daughter? Course she wouldn't; she's desperate for the limelight.
Dexter is life-coaching Gina. Gina is humouring him. Ha, he's telling her not to be so vain. I want them to start bickering. 'Slum yourself down.'
Gina is explaining what it is to be a woman to Dexter. Well, he had the stockings.
Dexter is very smart saying 'we shouldn't use this power irresponsibly.' Gina is going to go back in and do whatever the hell she likes, let's be honest.
Oh, is this one of those conversations where you use the word 'cuddle' to mean 'sex' (Hazel and Daley, not Dexter and Gina). How could you ever trust that slimebag Daley? I wouldn't trust him as far as I can throw him!
Charley; who's hat are you wearing, Freddie Krueger's? Wolfy, why don't you tell Charlie what you said in the DR? Oh I know! Cos you're about as real as the Easter Bunny. You haven't got the guts to say it to her face.
PS: Firefox is a bag of shit. Goodbye.

Big Brother 2013: I think she might need a hand with her nominations

Ooh, noms tonight. Looks like Callum could be in some bother. As long as they vote Wolfy, I don't care.
Dexter and Gina - aka the high five crew - are having fun in the safe house.
Wolfy's banging on about 'energy.' Let's hope her bulb goes out tonight.
Noms time already! Twins nomming Charlie. Ooh, also Wolfy. Good. Why are the twins talking in unison, they don't normally.
Callum has nommed Wolfy, too. Her game is up, Everyone's pissed off with her saying she was going to win. Ooh, Callum nominated Hazel, not Dan. Good. Keep Dan in!
Dan is right about Wolfy - she is disingenuous. Ooh, Dan nominated Callum for his awkward niceness. Ha, Gina is not impressed. 'Callum is not hard to live with.' Unless you're anti 90s beach wear.
Sam nommed Wolfy! Ha, he called her 'rude, ignorant and arrogant.' Wicked. He also nominated Sophiezzzzzz. His reason seemed quite valid.
Dexter's 'I think she might need a hand with her nominations' about the injured Jackie was inspired. I love that boy. Jackie's after Wolfy blood, for spitting on this occasion. Wolfy's got a whole range of reasons from each and every housemate to be up. Could we even see her walk? Ah! Jackie's nominating Callum! Why am I not surprised? Old witch. Callum is one of her daughters best allies. Bad strategy. Gina: 'whatever. Just go home.' That's how I feel about Jackie, but she'll still be sitting there in the final with the Weeble twins and Sophie. YAWN!
I have the same toaster as the BB housemates, but in blue. Wolfy is hugging one of the twins who just stabbed her in the back. No one has nominated Dan yet! Yesssss! I'm back on Dan's side (for now).
Wolfy knows she's gonna be up. Did a moth tell her? It probably flew out of her fanny.
What is Charley on about? A singing career? I don't think youth (or lack of) is the problem. It's more the eye bags, two tone hair and lack of a decent singing voice.
Hazel doesn't like Wolfy's sexual innuendo! Gina summed it up nicely: 'you can talk.' I think Hazel must be one of the biggest hypocrites ever to walk in the Big Brother house.
Ooh, Daley nominated Callum now! I thought Daley was his BFF. Gina doesn't get the noms for Callum. Dexter does. I agree with Gina, I don't get it. I think Hazel might have had a word in Daley's ear.
I think everyone has nominated Wolfy so far. They smell blood; they're attacking. Wolfy's got to be a goner this week. I can't see how she can survive this. Dexter agrees: 'Wolfy's finished now.'
Gina on Charlie: 'What is she wearing? It doesn't suit her.' This is exactly the sort of shit people say watching Big Brother on TV, so if you're whining and calling her a bitch, just know yourself, little girl, etc. Gina is just saying what any viewer would say. I think she's just pipping Dexter for me at the moment with her unbridled honesty. I don't even consider it bitchy because of the way she's been dismissed and treated. Ooh, Charlie nommed Callum! Aw. Gina feels sorry for Callum. So do I, actually. Gina is right; everyone is just stabbing everyone in the back. At least Gina and Dexter stab in the front. I'd rather be in that house with Callum and Dan than Jackie, Charlie, Hazel, Daley, Sophie, Sam or the twins.
Wolfy nominated Charley and Dan. That was Dan's only nomination! Boo woo, Wolfy, you're gahn dahn!
Sophie nominated Sam again - another pointless vote. Who else is going to vote for Sam, really!? Ooh, Sophie nommed Hazel. That means Wolfy, Charley, Callum and Hazel are up. Bye, Wolfy.
Gina is eating in the bath! Groo! That's one of my top no nos. I do not eat in the bath and I do not eat while driving. Bathing and driving and eating are individual pleasures to be enjoyed seperately. Never the twain shall meet.
Has Hazel been greasing herself up? 'What are you thinking about?' to Daley. Daley covers his willy with a cushion. Absolute pig. Dexter is right: 'grim.'
Ha, Dexter 'homewreckers do well, they sell papers. She's just thinking of the pound notes.' Pound note is the sort of expression my boyfriend uses.
How come Dexter and Gina are in the garden eating ice creams? Those ice creams look good. 
Dexter on Hazel straddling Daley: 'Fuck my life.' Gina is right; it IS wrong. There is a girl code. There's also a boyfriend code. Daley is worse, but Hazel is vile.
These idiot twins are getting on my nerves. Get off my screen. Dexter is right, Callum won't go this week.
LOL, Gina trying not to look at Dexter's skinny butt in the shower.
Callum, you don't need to justify yourself to that old bitch Jackie. He's done nothing that would exempt him from being a teacher, Rachel Rice is a teacher, Glyn is a teacher. I wish everyone would get off his case.
Dexter and Gina dancing in the garden: ace! They are too cute. Get lucky!
UGH: Hazel and Daley grinding on each other. Careful he doesn't get a stiffy. Dexter: 'I think I was actually sick in my mouth. If I was Daley's girlfriend I'd jump over the wall with a hacksaw.'
Callum WAS being kind of creepy when he told Daley to 'share the love' but I think he meant well. He just doesn't express himself quite right. Daley's already so far over the line he's been sent off. Callum was trying to HELP YOU, Daley, you thick pig. You HAVE crossed the line. If my boyfriend danced with someone like that I'd break his kneecaps. It's not ONLY dancing. Pull the other one. Do you really think your girlfriend is even still watching?
Oh, Daley's dumped his girlfriend now! I thought he was saying he loved her for the first two weeks in the house. This man is unreal.
How DARE Hazel have a go at Callum?! She's a scumbag. Why is JACKIE defending HAZEL, when she can see what Hazel is doing WITH HER OWN EYES? Jackie: 'The calibre of someone like that' about CALLUM?! What has Callum actually done?! He's a single guy, he either lied and said he slept with 200 women, or he's slept with 200 women, either way it's got FUCK ALL to do with you, you MISERABLE hatchet-faced old crone. Just fuck off! The hypocrisy is UNBEARABLE!
Hazel, why are you having a go at Charley now? Hazel, you ARE evil, just deal with it.
Gina and Dexter have got the measure of the situation. It stinks! Hazel is looking uglier by the minute. She's poison. If she carries on, she could go instead of Wolfy. And I wouldn't be sorry to see the back of her.
The way Dexter answered that phone was super suave. OMG! Gina and Dexter can save one nominated housemate and replace them with someone else! Ooh, I wonder who they'll put up? Hopefully Daley.
Dexter just gets better and better; gotta love a man who tells you you've got lipstick on your teeth! I've had lipstick on my teeth for house before my boyfriend's even noticed. Even girls won't tell you sometimes. And that IS part of the girl code.
They didn't tell them how many votes they were up by this week. I don't think it matters who Dexter and Gina put up; no one will go over Wolfy. Look at her, she can't even be bothered to get her fat arse off the couch and cuddle people. She knows she's a done deal.
I'm glad Hazel's going to be under a bit of pressure now. And Charlie, too, because I think she's treated Callum like dirt. And Dan is safe! And I don't think D&G will put Dan up as they both don't mind him.
Aw, Dexter wiping lippy of Gina's teeth! So intimate! Will Gina's boyfriend be needing that hacksaw instead of Daley's girlfriend?
Luke S on BOTS! One Mississippi, two Mississippi... you lose, dickwad. I really enjoyed tonight's BB! It makes you feel like you're not insane when you see two people agreeing with your assessment of the situation, and they've been in there. We are right. D&G are right. The rest are fucked up. Let's start taking some names. 

Big Brother 2013: Everything's so quiet and boring without us

Daley is such a fucking creep; he makes me sick to my stomach. 'There's no point sleeping in a double without someone there' - the thing is, with him, it doesn't matter who.
Jackie's 'broke her wrist' - I hope they kick her out. Contact with the outside world! Get her out. If she sees a Daily Star, God knows what she'll think. Did Dexter and Gina engineer engineer Jackie's fall?
Even though this task is designed to make Dexter and Gina look like bastards, they're still exactly right; the house is boring as fuck without them.
That comment about Hazel making Daley hard was so crass and vile it was unbelievable. Do they have NO consideration for his girlfriend's feelings? Disgusting pair. They make me feel physically sick. What reception do they think they're going to get when they come out of the house? Do they really think calling each other 'buddy' is fooling anyone? They're either thick as fuck or both rotten inside; I think it could be both.
So Dexter and Gina get to play pranks on the other housemates, but Gina's right, she's slack.
I think Gina misinterpreted what Daley said, I think he meant he would hang out with Dexter.
Moving in chat! ER, WHAT ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND, DALEY?
Ready Brek, anyone?
I love Gina and Dexter as the evil overlords! They don't even need to consult they think so alike. Dan's loving giving out the prison rations.
Wolfy is so greedy she will literally eat ANYTHING. Dexter: 'She's throwing up!' Mega glee. Does she HAVE to eat it?! Bleurgh. Watching her spit into a bucket is disgusting.
Jackie's back, boo! Gina: 'there's no point her even being here.' Ha! So true. Everything Gina says is basically what I think.
I can't even look at Wolfy tonight, she's making me feel physically sick.
Gina has got everyone spot on tonight, including the twins. Sophie giving cop out answers in the treehouse. LOL they're all turning against Wolfy! I ALMOST feel sorry for Wolfy. Sophie: 'I'm not being funny or anything but you need to wash your crotch.' Now we see Sophie's real opinions! Dexter and Gina should go back in the house and go 'Wolfy, Sophie says your crotch smells.'
It's not so much Dan guessed the twist, that he just guesses at anything, and if you throw enough against the wall, something's got to stick. It's no way to run Yewtree.
Wolfy is public enemy number one at the moment! Everyone hates her for different reasons.
The twins and Callum are getting NOTHING! Do Dan and Sam have to eat a whole cake each. 
Gina is LOVING the power! She was born for this.They picked the right housemates for the job. Why should we 'piggyfoot' around Hazel? 'Yes boss.' UGH!
Is Daley that desperate to snog Hazel, he'll have a three-way with Dan?
I don't know what was funnier, Sam, Daley and Callum's rap, or Gina's reaction.
Gina and Dexter's lack of sympathy for Jackie was hilarious. 'Because she's a bitch!' LOL.
Callum is wearing more clothes from the 90s. Gina: 'they're dead. They're no fun at all.'
Gina laughing at Callum being rebuffed whilst opening another bottle of champagne! Hilarious.
Hazel is just gross saying she's sexually frustrated. Daley is just gross. I'm glad Gina and Dexter can see them for what they are.
All hail King Dexter and Queen Gina! I'm sure there'll be plenty of people saying Gina and Dexter are taking to to far and being too bitchy, but I say, the more the merrier. The tables have turned. Eat your Bishops finger sandwich, and stick it up Hazel's fanny if she's that desperate.

Big Brother 2013: Doctor Do one

Sup! I'm a bit late as just watched ray of Scottish sunshine Murray get mad with a roof. Still, good stuff.
Now on with proper things. Fake eviction. How do they even get a crowd down there for this shit? It's bad enough when you get to bay at someone.
Emma looks pretty. It's a shame it's not a real eviction as this would have been one to remember. DENIED.
LOL is that Wolfy's dressed up look? I'm surprised she's not got her camo trousers on.
Put some clothes on, Dan, I'm tired of those chicken legs.
Callum, I'm only being honest, I appreciate what you've said and I'll take it on board.
I can't understand a word Daley says. Is he casting aspersions on Callum's morality? That's FUNNY! Callum should have 'genuine nice guy' sprayed on his gravestone.
Wolfy's got a lemur toy. I saw a girl with a lemur backpack attacked by a pack of lemurs at Monkey World once. It was a magical moment. *imagines Wolfy attacked by lemurs*
CRUEL ANIMAL TASK. Don't put that emu in a pen. Daley is obsessed with bums. Sam talking to an oyster is the most animated I've seen him in a week.
Wolfy meets the emu: BITE HER BITE HER BITE HER. Callum: 'give her a shot.' I'll give you a shot if you don't stop being so affable.
Wolfy should go back in the house tell them Dexter said he was gay, Jackie said she's a tranny and Dan's an actor.
Jack is 'fed up of deep conversations'! Yes, I prefer my conversations more shallow. Can we see some of the deep convos, please? Pics or it didn't happen.
Dan is pulling his 'dude from The Wanted' face. Perma-sneer. The twins are barely fitting on that DR chair together at the moment. Send in reinforcements. One twin 'didn't trust the emu.' He's probably an actor as well.
Why is Emma mingling with the hoi polloi? Did someone pinch her arse?
Sophie: 'what does fatigued mean?' The way I feel about you.
Dan is Jackie's Paul Burrell. Careful he doesn't steal the silverware. Daley and Dexter are being mean about Callum!
Oh, God, Wolfy stop saying you're not going anywhere! Even though you're not! It's just rubbing it in. Wolfy hopes people will 'prefer her comedy.' What comedy?!
Callum's got his Lanzarote shorts on again. Dexter has sensed weakness in Callum and is biting. Callum, just 'be yourself', lol! Dexter has two kryptonites: 'women and gambling.' I think he left out douchery.
HYPOCRITE Wolfy is happy they've just given her some fish. Then she kissed a dead fish. I don't think Morrissey would approve.
Gina is right; Wolfy's got Big Brother brain. Yes, everything Gina is saying is 100% true. Finger on it completely.
It feels like Dexter actually has more power in that house now; like he's been through the wringer and back out again and he's bulletproof.
Wolfy is 'grateful for this wonderful bounty.' How can an animal lover cut an animal to pieces?
Sophie looks good in those jeans. Shame about her personality. Dan is antagonising the prisoner. Probably reminds him of the good old days.
I hate Hazel and Charlie's 'friendship of convenience.' They can't stand each other. Daley can't renegotiate the terms of his relationship whilst he's in the house, it's not like he's called the girlfriend, is it!
Dan, you're my number one favourite policeman in the house. Stop blubbing on the grass, it's undignified.
New slate: new Dexter and Daley. Yes, best stay indoors, both.
Yes, the crowd are chanting 'get Wolfy out' - ha. EAT IT.
They're evicting Gina first. Dan virtually jumped for. Gina's getting cheered! Yay. Aw, was weird seeing Gina fake evicted! Bless her. She took it great.
Gina's positive reaction might be the thing that helps Detective Dan twig. Why would they be chanting 'get Wolfy out' and evict Gina?
Are the timings going to make sense? They're getting Dexter out too quick!
Aw, Dexter looks sad. Imagine if this was real and they really got Gina and Dexter out in one night, that would be bullshit. Cheer him! Aw, Dexter is too cute! They're playing the Rolex Sweep! 'One glass of champagne for me, two glass of champagne for you!' That song is ace. Dexter's crying face is the best! Bless his little cotton socks. I want to cuddle him!
Dexter's head is bent! I love it! We want Gina and Dexter to get it on! Wreck havoc, lol. Sack that Big Brother. 
No amount of yoga will save you, Wolfy. 'Something's not right'. Aint that the truth. I'm pissed off they didn't leave the right amount of time for the interview, Detective Dan will be all over it.
Open the champs before you start watching the live feed, guys! I love them in the luxury house, it's lush! Neither of them went for the food. I'm so glad Gina stayed over Sallie now. Her and Dexter are the dream team.
Wow, they get to watch nominations too! So much power. I have to say, I am happy with this twist. That house is looking so dour right now. If I was in there, I'd think, 'where's the entertainment gone?' Keep slagging Dexter, chubby! Ah... it's going to be a hell of a week. I honestly don't know who I want to win out of Gina and Dexter right now. They are both classic housemates.
Wolfy and Dan: your time is coming. Tick tock. 

Big Brother 2013: I don't want to die... I want to do that again

Just had a little catch up session for my boyfriend who was behind so now I've watched some bits of this week twice! Joy! His hatred for Dan is higher than mine. I like Dan's tragic melodrama. I also think Callum's more interesting now he's coming undone. I feel sorry for Callum! What if he IS just a nice guy?!
Hazel doesn't like code except for when Daley's spelling out 'I like you' like a backwards child. My boyfriend wasn't convinced he could spell.  Mind you, the longest word was four letters long. Let's see him spell 'infidelity'.
Oh God, is this task still going on? I didn't understand it yesterday. I just saw a good task on BBUS, it involved rubber dinghies and a river! Now that's a task! I still don't get this task. There's no explanation. Nae mind.
Callum's tattoos are so Ibiza 1997, bless him.
Can we be spared Jack and Joe in the shower again? Can we just be spared them full stop? I can see your bald patch, ner ner.
At least we know for sure Hazel's a complete cunt now. It was just a suspicion before, but now it's confirmed. I think Daley IS involved in drama; with his girlfriend. The only reason he's not involved in house drama is because he doesn't speak to anyone.
Dan's commandeered the kitchen now, that's always the kiss of death. And he's got his gross neon vest on again.
Majority rules task. What's the betting Dexter gets a kicking? These three aren't on the same wavelength at all.
I'd like to punch that twin who keeps slagging off Dexter in the face. Dan is doing some great expressions at the moment, some proper stink eye. It's like someone's nicked his favourite handcuffs.
Daley and Hazel are actually making me want to vomit, I don't know who's more disgusting out of the shallow pair. Actually him; but she's the one who'll get hung on the rack over it. Dan is 'sensing' something between Hazel and Daley. Is it narcissism?
Is this task STILL going on?
Charlie is saying to Hazel that they've not put any single people in! That's bullshit. She's pussyfooting round in her jackboots as usual. Why couldn't something have happened with Charlie and Callum?
Charlie is subtle as a BRICK! Is she doing it innocently or NOT? My boyfriend thinks not. Hazel; don't play innocent. you know what this conversation is really about.
Why does Charlie say these things?! Her strategy is fucked. Hazel is now insinuating that Charlie fancies Daley. She is a sneaky one.
Yes Daley, it's having girls who are friends who have got you into this situation not your pathetic playground codewords. The first time he speaks in three weeks and it's to say something dumb. Hazel is just stealing someone's boyfriend just because she can to prove she's top dog in the house. I don't know how she thinks it's going to make her look but it's got Noirin written all over it. Daley is beneath contempt. Bring his girlfriend in!
I like the way Dexter looks like he's dressed for a job interview half the time. I don't think they're really going to throw knives at Gina. It will be like that really rubbish gorilla they put in one time. Ha.
I wouldn't let someone throw knives at me for any money. It's not worth it! Why is she so game to do all these tasks?! They've put her in the old electric shock suit, too. Wouldn't it be funny if Gina won this show? I'd love to see her face. I'm not even going to comment on outsiders in th house, that ship has sailed so far.
I wouldn't even like being spun round like that! I'd piss my pants. 'I want to do that again' - class.
Shopping list times! Give Wolfy Tabasco instead of tobacco.
Daley, you're not a closed book, you're a fucking used dirty magazine. Callum's David Brentism's are so poetic. 'What do they say... *insert something trite here*.
Dan, Hazel doesn't like you when you're on the block, don't you get it? She only likes you when you're top dog like her.
Hazel likes Dexter to chat to 'during the week'? What about at weekends? Oh, stop going on, Dan. Why is he slagging Callum to Daley, Daley's friends with Callum!
Does Sam have an OPINION on anything? All I see is people talking to him when he just sits there. He's worse than Sophie, at least she used the word 'agg'.
Is Dexter stupid or something?! Stop telling people to nominate Wolfy! You're not on BBUS.
My boyfriend just said to me that 'Dexter is like Jesus' but the rest of the sentence made no sense.
Wolfy has been wearing that same jumper all week; I hope she's got some Febreeze on the go. Wolfy is a 'peaceful person who avoids confrontation'. OK, then. *backs away*
Dan, stop going on at everyone! You're going to get nominated every week at this rate. Just shut your mouth for a week. I'm surprised he doesn't start every conversation by reading people people their Miranda rights.
Even the twins are pissed off with Wolfy's arrogance! Yes. This is good news. They're mad cos they think they're the favourites. Get her out.
Callum and Charlie are professional sticky beaks! Let Daley dig his own grave! Why are they bothered? I don't think Sam wants to get involved. Leave him out of it. Callum is just trying to take the heat off himself, in my opinion.
Callum, stop crawling to Dexter, you put him on the block to his face. I'm glad Dexter's not accepting it. 'Backed you the whole way'?! Hardly! Callum: 'I appreciate your honesty.' I love Dexter calling Callum awkward. Dexter has every right to be mad with Callum, he nominated him face to face. Seriously, what does Callum want from him? Dexter's got some balls to say that to him and not just go 'it's alright.'  I'd blatantly just go 'oh alright then.'
Daley: 'me and Hazel are close and it runs deep.' But there's 'still hope with the girlfriend'. Is there indeed?! Why is he explaining himself to Charlie, it's got nothing to do with her anyway.
Everyone seems a little drunk to me! 'I know you wouldn't do anything in here.' Are you sure? Detective Dan is on the case. 'there's a little bit of attraction there.' Well done, Dan, you've cracked it. Time to go harass someone else.

Big Brother 2013: Huff and puff - it's noms fix week!

Parcels of insecurity! Lets hope there's a special delivery for Wolfy tonight. I really don't want Dan to go, much as I can't bear him. He's a good housemate whatever way you dress it up. DI Disaster.
At least Dexter retains a sense of humour amidst that 'orrible lot.
Oh, Dan, the next target to be bugged and interrogated is Callum. What's the point in trying to get Sam to have an opinion? Might as well talk to the bedside table. I like Dan's jumper again. At least he's fashion forward and has stopped wearing that gross orange vest and pedal pushers; for now.
Ugh, I missed about five minutes there as cats were playing with a giant stag beetle and it nearly went in my handbag. It was the stuff of nightmares!!! I put it out the catflap.
Shopping task. Not interested. Next! Oh, it's like the one in BBUS when it looked like Janelle was fucking something. Doesn't work so well with the twins. It's like a BBUS task without the charm. And any point to it.
Dan 'senses a bit of awkwardness.' Is it because he caused it?
Wolfy's got her shit shield up. How can we tell? Oh God, stop saying the public like you! We HATE YOUR GUTS!
I like Dexter's cardie. When did Dexter get given this task?! More tasks without explanation! Ugh.
Oh God, Callum is like when I was about 12 before we knew what sex was, we used to give each other massages and snog with no tongues. Callum is like that. A prepubescent romance you don't want and never asked for.
Spelling task. I wish I cared.
Hazel: 'Big Brother might not be for Dan.' Why is she saying that, I thought she was his bestie? I don't trust that bitch as far as I could throw her.
Dexter, stop 'putting things out there'! Ha, Dexter telling people to be diplomatic and tactful, jokes. Jackie admits she's like my mum, she lets it build up then blows.
Dan is having a crack up. It's not because he's up for eviction though, oh no. The trouble with Dan is he thinks everyone should like him. He doesn't realise what an absolute tool he is. Wolfy, give Dan a cigarette. Stop keeping count like queen bitch in the nick. Stop saying you're being victimised, Wolfy. I'll victimise you. With a razor blade.
Dan, pull yourself together. Dan needs someone new to interrogate, it's the only thing that makes him happy.
Hopefully Dan having a pity party will get him saved tonight, although it's clear Hazel's had enough of him; not sure why though.
Ha, did Wolfy just say to Dexter he's the only person she has respect for?! What has she been smoking (gross roll ups).
What's going on with Daley and Hazel? Is this why she's dropped Dan like a sack of shit? She must like his personality. Doesn't he have a girlfriend? That's a bit tawdry.
Wolfy has 'a line of tobacco left'. Is she going to snort it? She 'makes prison rollies'. Ha. Told you.
Why do they all think Wolfy is safe? I don't get it. Dexter and Gina are being kind of cute. I like them together.
OK, here we go live to the house for a big fat fix. Gina just sneezed in the Diary Room and no one even said 'bless you'. Manners cost nothing!
Is this seriously all we're getting tonight, viewers questions? Seriously, who cares?
Haha, 'Wolfy, you're not my best friend because you're not sharing fags with me.' Gina's friendships are built on solid foundations. Dexter and Dan are trying not to laugh.
Dan doesn't like being called bitchy. Public doesn't care. God, do we really need to hear MORE about cigarettes?
Oh great, now they're giving Wolfy a hint she's not popular. Wolfy, you can't be a self-proclaimed freak. A million freaks have won BB.  It's a prerequisite.
Gina is right, Dexter is the best housemate 'as a viewer'! I hope that means he's safe now.
GET ON WITH IT, BB. God, did they really call Emma in for this? Oh, no, it's a fake double eviction. Grr. Ooh, safe from next weeks noms! Make it Dexter and Gina! This is good, but it still saves Wolfy, which sucks. It's just the bedshit/ crypt task recycled. Bhahahaha! The villian, etc.
Put DEXTER AND GINA IN the safe house! There's no competition really, is there? They are probably trying to ruin Dexter and Gina's popularity. If there were three housemates up I liked, I'd say fair enough, but it's still a rehashed task. The housemates never fall for it, and can normally hear them. I do like watching housemates watch Big Brother though, for some reason. It amuses me.
God, I really need to bite the bullet and speak to Anton this week don't I (he works near me)! I'm so not gonna, though. He knows the meaning of TV gold. Big Brother, however, don't.
They could have probably made about 50K off the votes to save Wolfy. Seriously, what are they playing at?