The X Factor: Why of the Tiger

You still watching this formulaic old toot? Me too! Well take my hand and let me lead you through a forest of relentless negativity. Let's see how we're going to be patronised and manipulated tonight. What songs will be murdered? What pointless horrible theme will be foisted upon them (and us)? Oh, Saturday night at the movies. Gross. Only marginally better than 'Big Band' (await Michael Buble Christmas album in the adverts). Also, we call them FILMS. Stop trying to sound cool.
First off, I want to complain about the pink and blue logo. They still have the red and black logo at the start, so what's with this pink and blue bullshit? Red and black is strong! Pink and blue is wishy washy. Don't dilute your brand! Don't tell me Simon Cowell doesn't know about the essence of the brand. Red and black. Sort it out. Oh, the X is gold tonight. Yet MORE dilution! Fools.
So this lot of judges. Don't even get me started. I can't even look at Mel B without thinking of her husband killing a duck. She seems to have completely lost her spark, which I guess you would, if you're in a controlling relationship, where your husband bans the woman who sang the song 'Mama' from speaking to her... Mama. Sad. Cheryl Fernandez-V cares so little about her own identity that she would change her name twice (and probably counting). Does SHE not have a brand to think of? I know why she didn't go back to Tweedy, I guess (criminal record, cough) but really, I find it sad that this supposed successful independent popstar thinks so little of herself. If you want to change your name once, fine. Twice is starting to look dumb. Especially if you're tattooing that shit on you. It's quite sad to see. And Simon and Louis are just Simon and Louis. It's like a time warp. But now I'm getting old. And they look the same.
First up is Jake. On first, so they obviously want him out. Is it just me or was Jake 50 times better looking last year? I dunno if it's his hair or what but he is not doing it for me this time. I liked him last year. This song is fucking AWFUL. He sounds off. Is that falsetto? Morrissey would weep! What a boring performance. Terrible start. Simon doesn't even know who's mentoring this dude.
I miss Blonde Electric! There's no fun act. And no, that dude who did Rick Astley last week doesn't count. I tell you who I don't miss, though; Overload.
Only the Young. How the fuck did they survive doing Come on Eileen? Great phone outfit, though. What is it with this hair all the blokes have at the moment, like a big quiff with really short sides? It's hideous. A quiff is cool, like a Morrissey or Lee Ryan quiff (yeah I said it) but not this fucking boufanty nonsense. I'm so glad I'm not looking to fuck anyone new anymore, I'd be sick. The blonde guy looks like Jedward's older brother. Who is voting for Only the Young? Who is their audience? I like the fact they're actually friends, not manufactured. But really, who is there to like in the band? Everyone is strangely sexless. How do they all know each other? Are they fucking? Are they named after that average Brandon Flowers solo record? I need to know more. That performance did nothing for me one way or the other. It literally went in one ear and out the other. But don't get me wrong, I quite like them, lol.
I have no clue why this Jay James guy is there. He's like a poundshop James Blunt. We're trying to get rid of the other one, why do we need another! Please, no more posh pop stars. It's making me want to go all Russell Brand and start ranting nonsensically. The overs category is an actual embarrassment. It's dumb cos they get rid of loads of good boys and girls for these joke or mediocre acts. And he's singing fucking James Bond. Fuck James Bond and fuck this song. You need to be a woman to sing this song. This guy is too weedy for this song. Seriously, who is going to buy his album? Even my mum thinks he's a dick (probably). God, I hate Cheryl. She's a millionaire, gorgeous and newly married to the not-gay-at-all Jean-thingy whatshisface so you think she could crack a fucking smile once in a while. She always looks like someone's waving a wet fish under her nose, the miserable cow. I wouldn't buy any hairspray she advertised, I'd expect it to give me manic depression.
I was annoyed with Simon dissing Andrea last week as it was so transparently storylined as it's so obvious Andrea is going to win. I've not seen someone as good on X Factor since Leona Lewis. It's an insult for Simon to criticise him. Andrea seems so lovely, too. He even looks a bit cute tonight. And he LOVES PUGS. I want to cuddle him. I hate this song he's singing, though. It's such a warble fest. He's singing it well, though. I love the emotion! Simon is such a twat with his donuts comment to him. Simon is being a prick. His analogy was completely lost on Andrea.
Lola's boyfriend is cute! He obviously likes fish. I like Lola, I thought it was weird when she got sent home. I did like Steph as well, though.  Eek, Lola sounds off. Shit. Oh she got good comments anyway. Never mind.
Next is Paul. My mum's favourite. Yawn! I hate Try a Little Tenderness, too. I can't get excited about this guy. I just don't get it. He's not for me. Was fat, now thinner. So what? Mel B thinks he's like a 'white Jay Z.'
I like Lauren Platt, she's cutesy. Loving her glittery eyeshadow, very Barry M. That song was a bit drab though, but her voice was good. I've just realised I've hardly said anything about what the judges are saying. It's because they're not saying anything interesting in the slightest.
Jack is the most pointless person in the competition. Nondescript voice, nondescript face and another hairsprayed quiff. Swap him with Jake and who could really tell the difference? Probably not even their own mothers. This one bores the crap out of me. I find him about as sexually attractive as I do Louis. Oh dear God, a pared down version of Eye of the Tiger. kjfjjrfjiieeeeueuuuuyrryryryiesjsjsjh. Sorry, that was me banging my head on my keyboard. I remember when this song had a tune. What issues is Mel talking about? Probably some problem with the duck killer she brought to work with her. And Mel might read this (ha!) and go, 'So he killed a duck! It was years ago!' But I say, once a duck killer, always a duck killer. Some things can't be erased by the sands of time.
Anyway. I can't get excited about Fleur. I like the letters spelling out her name. Remember Orla who Cheryl kicked out in place of the pathetic Chloe Jasmine? She was so interesting and cool. Fleur is just blah to me. I do like her little raps, and they're not cringe, which they easily could be, but I'm just not feeling her. Her backing vocals sound loud as fuck this week, too! You think they'd get the hint. Lady Marmalade, go away.
Stevi is getting on my nerves. Bring back Wagner! He looks like his face is melting. He can't sing a note. I can't even see the funny side. Louis agrees with me (worrying).
Simon pretending he goes to Harvester. Last time I went to a Harvester I locked myself out the house. Never again.
I've never seen Footloose, but I have seen the film where Kevin Bacon plays a paedo. I think I prefer that. Not sure it had any songs in it, though.
Dermot seems to be twitching about time tonight. He's making me feel on edge. Hold on, no one has done My Heart Will Go On yet. Talking of sinking ships, why is everyone moaning that this 8 piece boy band has 8... well, pieces, because they fucking put 8 of them together! I think they sing well. Fuck me, though, they ALL have that haircut! ALL OF THEM! Is it obligatory to be in a boyband, like when you join the army?  I like the little tattooed one and the kind of ugly one who seems to be the best singer. There's three I would get rid of, though. One with weird teeth, one who looks like a ventriloquist dummy and the youngest one. Then it becomes a bit more interesting. Oh you could also ditch that one in the baggy grey tshirt. No one would miss him. Also, Stereo Kicks is the worst band name since One Direction. Truly, an abomination. DEAR LORD, Let it Be. I HATE Let it Be. I can play it on the keyboard, though. That and Oh When the Saints, obv.
Ben: 'I used to be sitting at home watching on the other side of the TV.' Why not turn it round, then? I look at Ben Haenow and I just see Steve Brookstein. And we need another Steve Brookstein less than we need another James Blunt.
Is that it? Oh can't it go on for another half an hour (no one ever said). Thanks for reading!

Big Brother 2013 final: The journey ends here

Just rang up for Dexter three times from my mobile and three times from my burger phone. My boyfriend bet on Dexter at 25/1 when he was drunk (my boyfriend) and his name was dirt (Dexter). He gets £500 if Dexter wins! That's not why I want Dexter to win, btw. But it's an added reason! Because it will keep me in finery! 

Where's Sallie! Probably in the tattoo removal parlour. You think Michael would have shown his moley face. I hate his attitude towards the show, and yes, I know he's an ACTOR. I just think he's a DICK, too. Or perhaps he was just playing a dick? No, he was a dick. It would have been cute for him to show up and they could have slipped him a few quid. He just thinks he's above it all. Well guess what, Michael. The crew still saw you on the toilet. Eat that. No, don't eat it. 

Oh, Charlie, stop trying to fuck with Dexter's head on his LAST DAY. 

Ha, they are showing this bit where Sam kind of confessed he loved Gina. It was VERY interesting on the live feed last night. They've not mentioned it, but he was off his face. Loving Gina without her hair extensions! She looks cute. Why is Gina saying 'we might not see each other again' after tomorrow? Because her boyfriend won't let her? She actually dealt with him quite nicely on the live feed. To be fair, he was so sick, he was throwing up. I think he was trying to pay her a compliment. It just went a bit wrong. People going 'he's a game player' because of that are out of their minds. It was probably his most honest and interesting moment.

Slide show! They've really pushed the boat out. Can't they show them some clips instead? UGH, there's moley Michael. 

Oh God, they're kicking someone out already. Please let it be Charlie or Sam (or the twins, to be honest). Gina's roots look a bit orange. If I went to the hairdresser and came out with roots like that I would be BATHING in purple toner. Who did their hair? Is Lee Stafford to blame? Surely not. He has a good range of products for blondes (sponsor my podcast if you like, Lee).Couldn't someone have sorted Charlie's two tone disaster out? It's begging to be one colour! 

Ha, were they chanting 'get Charlie out'! In the final! Cruel. And she's out. Oh I think she HAS had her hair done. But it looks the same?!

Charlie, it was NOT a love triangle. I hate the fact she's slating Dexter at the last minute. Maybe she is right about Dexter, though. I mean, artificial insemination? Maybe he IS gay. Who cares, though! Dexter is entertainmentz. Dexter is Exitainmentz! 

Get off the stage, Charlie. You're boring. Charlie wants to see Sam win. Zzzz. How can she say that when she's spent every second with Dexter lately?! Did Dexter say Charlie was 'stylish' in that clip? That's the funniest thing I've heard all night.

Gina and the twins wedged on that little sofa. LOL.

Oh God, next one out! Jack and Joe! Yes! They didn't look shocked. That cunt crowd shouting 'Get Dexter out.' Boooooo! 

Gina looks like she's pissed herself. She's got a massive stain up the back of her dress. Jack and Joe's pointing pose was the lols. 'You raise me up'? I thought they asked for Jessie J's 'Wild'! (However that goes). Sack someone!  

I just accidentally voted for Dexter another three times. I want him to win it so much! He's clicking his pen, bless him. Hold on, why has Dexter got a pen in there? You're not allowed pens in Big Brother! Gameplanner, etc. Oh, someone said it's a keyring. 

I am sooooooo peed off they're putting on this dome jizz in the middle of BB, even if it does have Hank in it. I do want to watch that show but NOT tonight. I want to watch the BB final and not go to bed at 1am! 

I have warmed to the twins... oh, until they started slagging off Dexter. They've gone all sassy! Boo. I was right about them all along. Not liking 'deep conversations' is PATHETIC. Charlie's conversations are not deep, though. They're just drivel. 

The twins slag off Dexter AGAIN! They are so bugging! Lower your tone and strengthen your comedy routine. It needs a LOT of work. At least they didn't mention food in their interview, or did they? 

HA, Emma saying 'they are really nice boys.' Put a sock in it, Emma. 

None of the three finalists sitting together! Shocking. Can't believe the negative chants for Dexter. Arseholes.

OM-Gina! Gina is third! Gina didn't look shocked to leave, either. It was Hazel that did for her and it serves her right. Calling Hazel a 'whore' was the last straw. She was swanning round like she owns the place. Gina is getting boos, too. 

Gina was so lucky to survive that first week. Ha, Emma mentioned her washing up a cup. I'm glad Gina didn't win. But I wish she'd come second. She deserves it over Sam and then some. Still slating Hazel! Tragic. I hope Hazel gives her a slap at the after party. You could have been one of the best winners, ever, Gina.  

I can't see Dexter and Sam holding hands in the final minutes, can you? 

Ha, Gina 'everyone knew' about Sam saying he had a crush on her. I thought she was quite dismissive of him.

I think it's so cruel to make Sam and Dexter sit there waiting for an hour whilst they show some Stephen King drama. It's like putting on the Langoliers in the middle of a football match. I mean, I will watch the show, but I'm not going to be forced to watch it now. Motherfuckers. 

God, we really need this £500, you know, we're brass. (Notice I've claimed half already) If Sam wins, I'm probably going to cry.

Honestly, it is virtually IMPOSSIBLE trying to avoid spoilers! So many people are going to have this ruined for them. I think it's especially ironic after a couple of years ago they dumped the live feed and said people preferred to get updates via social media. Well if people prefer to get updates via social media tonight then the show is going to be ruined for them. It shows a complete lack of respect for the fans and for the show. I find it offensive. Also, by the time they get on BOTS they'll have been chilling for half an hour. I prefer my housemates like rabbits in the headlights, don't know about you.

And we're back. I've got a really bad feeling about this. Really bad. As they say in the Big Brother house, I'm not gonna lie. I'm shitting myself. The public have made the wrong decision so many times. Denise. Ulrika. Paddy. And that's just the celeb series. 

I can't believe they're plugging their hashtag. Arseholes! Do not type that hashtag into Twitter. I bet literally thousands of people were spoilerised tonight. Thanks C5. It's a shame as it's been a great series, and it's a cheap and tacky way to end it.

Dexter vs Sam. Damn. Why do I feel like I'm going to be saying that in a minute?

I feel sick. Dexter's not got his Tuco shoes on. Boo! They both look like they're gonna crap themselves. 

Oh no. Oh no, Sam did it. FUCK! I'm so sad. I am seriously so sad. And not just about the money. It's just an injustice. 

Aw, Dexter was too cute going 'thank you so much.' The twins sour faces! Fuck them. I wonder how close it was. Ha to people going ssssssss at Dexter.

Look at the way he's sitting in that chair. Such a badass. This is SUCH a disappointment. Probably the most disappointing winner ever. 

We missed out on Dexter's face. I missed out on champagne. This is just the worst. My boyfriend is going to kick something! So much for the journey! Dexter missed his stop. 

I feel like I'm going to puke. I honestly don't want to watch this. Sucks soooooo bad. I don't know how Emma can maintain the rictus grin. 

I can't even understand what he's fucking SAYING! Did Sam's rubbish jokes win it for him? Or was it his casual sexism? They didn't mention Jemima in his interview, I notice. 

I just broke the news to my boyfriend over the phone that he lost his bet. His response? 'We'll have to go and do some crime instead.' I actually cried as I was telling him. So close. Sooooo close. That was like telling him someone had died. Someone we weren't that close to, but even so. 

I'm going to think of Sam when on my days off this week and I'm drinking own brand redbull and Glenn's vodka instead of CHAMPAGNE. You BASTARD! 

PS: No podcast tonight as he's working, but we'll do a sad little wrap up along with the CBB launch show. See you then! It's been emotional. 

Big Brother 2013: I thought you were obnoxious and really strange

It's almost over! WHY is it ending on a Monday? I don't even get paid until Tuesday so I can't even have a drink when I watch it ON MY OWN because my boyfriend is working. Boo to the schedulers.
Why do all these girls go to bed with their make up on! I know they're on telly but your skin! No wonder Gina's got bad skin. I go to sleep with my make up one when I'm drunk, don't get me wrong. Ah, then Gina wakes up and trowels more on. Can you imagine sleeping with her? You'd be covered in it.
I wish Dexter would STFU about Charlie, but it's a bit late now. I know it hurts his game, I only hope it's not fatal.
Press conference! I'm glad Sophie's gone so we don't have to listen to her try and justify her existence here.
Charlie, you don't KNOW YOURSELF™. And we don't want to know you.
Dexter: that spot! Comb your fringe down, for God's sake.
Did you know Sam was deaf? He's never mentioned it!
Why is Dexter reading off a card? Journey, journey, journey. Dear Lord. Is he doing a poem? Christ.
Twins are doing a good strategic speech saying others deserve to win over them. I could actually see them coming third.
Ha, I liked the questions from 'viewers'. Charlie got put on the spot!
Ha to Vanessa calling Sam boring! How can he not know who Vanessa Feltz is? She's a Big Brother legend.
LOL to Dexter telling John McCruick he's had his day. So true!
Ha, Gina getting all uppity and posh when she was put on the spot by Judy James. Hilarious. She did NOT like that.
That's cool they've got the ex housemates asking questions, that's what they do on BBUS.
Why is Dan setting Dexter up with that question! What does Dexter need to be honest about? That makes it sound like he's got something to hide! Boo, Dan.
Why was Gina squinting at Hazel when she came on the screen? It's not about you, Gina! I like Hazel's new dark hair.
I'm glad Big Brother asked 'is there anything wrong with playing a game?' It's HARD to play a game for ten weeks, so Dexter should be commended.
I like Dexter's curly fringe he's done to cover up his spot for the evening meal! Inventive. I love Dexter's little red jacket. Gina approves of the posh tablewear.
Burping at the dinner table! That's a no no.
These schmaltzy questions are annoying. Gina to Dexter: 'I thought you were obnoxious and really strange.' Ha.
Sam's even admitting he spent half his game in bed. NOT a worthy winner. I'd like to see him out second (after Charlie) tomorrow, then twins, then Gina, then Dexter.
I don't think I've ever heard housemates say they want to stay in the house before; they're normally climbing the walls to get out.
Not more bloody messages from home! Zzzzz. I'm a soppy sod, but still.
No more watching twins in the pool! Shame.
Charlie is ALL OVER Dexter tonight! Is she drunk? Oh God, not more 'boxes' talk. The Weetos are getting good product placement here. God, poor Charlie, from Callum chewing her ear off to Dexter chewing her ear off. Not that she seems to mind.
What's with the plinkety piano music? It's like when they have children with degenerative diseases on an episode of Jeremy Kyle.
I like it when we hear the voices, but it's better to do it AFTER the final. It aint over yet! Aw, it was kind of sad, though.
PLEASE vote for Dexter to win. His face will be worth the 35p.

Big Brother 2013: Adapted by aliens

I'm glad Sophie went, as she gave nothing, and I'm disappointed that no one mentioned her toadying to Gina in any of the interviews. She seemed so awkward and uncomfortable on BOTS! I still don't get how she went, though. Who voted for her?
It's a shame we couldn't get rid of Charlie as well as Sophie as I would have liked to have seen Dexter without her in the last few days. She sucks the life out of him, she's a complete emotional vampire.
Gina has been 'adapted by aliens'. If only.
Dexter's chains and boxes analogy is so turgid. What's in your box, Dexter? It's probably the penny.
Why does Gina paint her face white? I bet she'd look really stunning with the right colour foundation on. Instead she looks waxy.
Genie task. I guess we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel now. Oh God, Charlie's got her top off. Groo.
Dexter and Gina singing I Will Survive. TV joy. I love them together!
Why is Dexter so sure Charlie's going home? Ah, now he's banging on about his journey in the Diary Room. Yawn.
I don't remember seeing Charlie in her bikini before. She's got a nice body, but somehow she's completely sexless. Imagine what she'd be like after sex. I bet she cries.
Oh, Dexter, get a grip. Stop actressing! I think being in the house does mean a lot to him, though. His life must be really terrible if he feels safer being in that bubble.
I don't even get why Sophie got boos. She's so dull I couldn't even be bothered to waste my breath.
Charlie's lipstick and lip liner looks more befitting to someone her mother's age. This girl is harder to get rid of than a yeast infection.
I HATE it when they go 'it's me' when they're waiting to be evicted. So bugging.
I liked the twins reaction to Sophie going. They have been making me laugh recently! There you go. I said it.
Why does Sam think it's 'unbelievable' that Sophie's gone? He's been trying to get rid of her for weeks.
Gina's not happy and I bet she's going to take it out on Charlie. I wish Charlie would shut up. I can't wait until I don't have to hear her voice again.
Everyone: 'Dexter is playing a game.' Yes, it's called Big Brother. Why doesn't someone else try it?
I hate the way Charlie treats Dexter. She's a proper mind game player. She's so manipulative and emotionally abusive! I can't bear it. 'You eyes are like two brown coins'. That's such a nasty thing to say to someone! What a bitch!
Dexter, wake up, you're never going to be with her, and for that you should be SO grateful. She's psychotic.
Oh, Sam, stop digging at Dexter. It's not your best look. Sam: 'Be more wary of Dexter.' She couldn't BE more wary of Dexter!
Gina is right in what she's saying to Dexter. He is being stupid, but to be fair, he's getting really mixed messages. Gina does well to showcase her kind side. Shame we know her bad side only too well now.
Ha, Dexter's telling Charlie basically what Gina said to him word for word. OMG what is Dexter saying? He wants to be with Charlie so much that he doesn't mind having a sexless marriage?! What is he talking about! Gina and Sam laughing at that was hilarious.
Charlie, you can't be best friends with a guy who's madly in love with you, it doesn't work like that. Gina is right, she does enjoy the attention.
I want to see Gina in a pair of jeans or a pair of jogging bottoms! Even her nightie is like evening wear.
'I truly love you, Charlie Travers' was so funny. Wish Sam and Gina has been in the treehouse for that bit.
Oh Dexter. As you said yourself, that's the way it goes... but sometimes it goes the other way, too.

Big Brother 2013: Yous have been evicted

I've heard Sam's favourite to go because Dexter fans have rallied against him! I don't believe it, though. I would actually like to see Sam go the least out of who's up tonight. But I don't really mind who goes. I'd be glad to see the back of any of them.
Hold on, Charlie's talking; now I want to evict her! Hold on, Sophie's talking, now I want to evict her! And so on. If you want to go home, there's the door(s). There's only a week to go, get a grip.
I don't think we should resent Sam for standing up to Dexter; I think we should admire him finding a voice at last!
Sam: 'If Dexter comes to me I'm going to take my hearing aid out.' Cool.
Charlie's got Freddie Krueger's hat on today. One, two, Dexter's coming for you...
Gina being shocked at the way Sam spoke to Dexter. Ha. That's rich!
Gina: 'You can get a train all the way to Manchester.' Seriously, who is she trying to kid? No one is this stupid. No one.
Gina's BFF task. Gina's hair looks like a sheep today. Gina telling Charlie she deserves to go, ha.
Charlie talking... 'Big Brother is bored.' Quite.
I liked the way one twin stuck up for the other one in the fake argument. Gina's acting is crap.
Gina, pointing is rude. But it's not the rudest thing she's ever done in the house. RUDE. ARROGANT. DISRESPECTFUL. etc. This is a bit unfair on the twins. Oh, well. They've had it their way for long enough.
Gina saying she thinks Charlie should leave! LOL. Don't take it personally, though, Charlie, ha. I couldn't agree more with what Gina's saying. 'You just go on and on and on.' No shit. Gina enjoyed saying that shit to Charlie. Full stop.
Things Sophie's done this episode: cried, cowered behind a compact, bitten her nails.
Gina's a better rapper than her boyfriend, anyway. I'm surprised she didn't rhyme 'Zeo' with 'Koh'.
Sophie looks nice tonight. Twins got booed, lol. I can't hate them like I used to, though. One is orange tonight.
I don't feel tense tonight because I don't care who goes. Twins safe and I don't even resent them for it. They've done more than Sam and Sophie. These three up now are float city.
I like Sam's jokes! I can't help it.
How come Joe's allowed to say he wants the money and it's all laughs? When Dexter doesn't, it's all grrs.
Jack and Joe pool times continue! Ha, twins did get booed. 'We're going in circles.' he says, before swimming in circles. You'll miss this sort of entertainment.
I like those jeans on Charlie, I've never seen her wear those before. Why has she got a zip under her boob? Is she breastfeeding? I don't like her saying she wants to leave! Reverse psychology.
Sophie getting booed, lol. OMG, it was Sophie evicted. Wow! Oh, Dexter! Good work, ha.
I'm surprised Sophie got evicted over Charlie. But then she is a toady. I really like her dress but I don't like her wedges. I HATE WEDGES.
Emma: 'Dexter sacrificed Sophie to save himself.' It's not like he had a choice in the matter.
Emma to Sophie: 'What have you done?' Yeah, what HAVE you done? Fuck all.
Bet they mention Sophie 'coming out of her shell'. How long does it take for a thick girl to come out of her shell? Nine weeks, I guess.
This clips package makes Sophie look a lot more interesting than she is. Sophie's interview is dull as hell, too.
The crowd are booing Gina in Sophie's interview! Ha. It would have been better to lose her on final night and have a two second interview with her. It was nice the way she talked about the twins, though. I saw a more human side to her then.
She looked much nicer when she went in! Mind you, the Big Brother house will do that to you. Dexter FTW! Let's make him click his pen to victory. I wonder if it's one of those with a naked lady in it?

Big Brother 2013: I'll sell my soul, what is it worth?

Twist! Well, I know part of what happens (ie. I know they don't really leave), but didn't watch the video of it as the website crashed. I'm glad I don't know it all, though. No one likes a know it all.
My boyfriend likes it when the twins just endlessly list items of food, so you think he'd be enjoying this task. He doesn't seem to be though. Not the squash! That steamroller guy had a good deadpan expression.
They're getting to the twist bit early! Good. Gina is wearing her 'escort' wear and three inches of foundation.
Sophie: 'I wanna just sit here.' Well, what's new?
I needed my boyfriend to explain this task to me because I couldn't work it out! Ha. Charlie would do well to take the money in this task because she has zero chance of winning.
I love the way Dexter looks today, he's dressed like he's going to work on Wall Street.
Sam must be pretty confident he's going to win, or does he really just want to stay in for the whole show?
Dexter, how much is your journey worth?
Twin: 'I don't want to be seen as the bastard who takes all the money, like last year.' Kudos!
Dexter looked sad when he was the one with the lowest amount. Dexter's crying over getting £88,000! Strategy times.
OMG! Dexter is safe for being the least greedy. How ironic. Ooh, he has to put Gina or Sophie up. Put Gina up! He'll put Sophie up. He did. Hurrah! She deserves to go over him.
I'm so pleased Dexter is safe and I don't give a fuck what any of those weasels thing of him.
Shut up, Sam! Of course Dexter's a game player. That's why he's been so entertaining and you HAVE NOT.
I love the way Dexter sits in the Diary Room chair. I love the faces he pulls. His little finger is more entertaining than any of the others, except Gina, and Gina's blown it.
Who cares if Dexter DID want the money?! Maybe he thought his journey WAS worth £88,000. What right to they have to dig him out about it? Dexter: 'I nearly picked the pound.' Ha.
Honestly, you'd think the money was already Sam's the way he's going on. 'Makes me sick he's in the final.' 'What?' 'Never mind.' Yeah, never mind, boyo.
Dexter and Gina DESERVE to be in the final, because they've worked the hardest. Even Gina, as odious as she's been, deserves it over most of these others, because she was an underdog who fought her way to the top. It's just now she's at the top she's gone power mad.
Dexter just said the immortal words: 'If it's your time to go, it's your time to go.'
Gina's happy because he saved her. Sophie: 'That's not going to look good on him.' Oh, shut it. Who gives a fuck what you think? She's right though, it wasn't the least greedy who won it, haha.
I don't see what the others are all bothered about, unless they think they're going to win it?
I love the way Dexter's mind works! He's ALWAYS got his eye on the pound note. Always. He's running rings round these people.
Twin: 'I will boo if Dexter wins.' Shut it, fatty. I'd rather watch Dexter swanning round in his filthy onesie than you wallowing in the pool like a walrus.
Sam calling people a game player is a joke; he's floated under the radar for two months and finally pipes up in the last week or so. It's like Claire from Steps moaning at Speidi for being a game player. It's called BEING ENTERTAINING.
Dexter: 'There's more to life than zeros and noughts.'
Sam is REALLY mad. I think he knows Dexter's got it in the bag and he's twitching about it. That bellend line was alright, though. Sam is funny. But he thinks he's got some divine right to win.
It's not 'come a chameleon', twins. They're a one to talk about acting! Their whole stay in the house has been one fucking act.
Is no one happy that Dexter's got to the final (except Gina?) You think they'd be happy the money is still there, at least.
Ha, Dexter just said pretty much what I said about Sam. He should have said that direct to Sam! Love the fact he mentioned the inappropriate sexual puns, too. Dexter WOULD have given you some money towards disabilities, Sam. But not now. No, the deaf will suffer because of you. He's right about Sam not being entertaining too. He's right about everything here, actually.
I don't care who goes this week out of this lot. I'll actually save myself this money because I'm not going to vote, evict all five of them on Friday as far as I'm concerned.
Dexter FTW!

Big Brother 2013: Joe Swash is really nice, though

I hear there's a twist tonight. What awful thing will it be, I wonder? Someone(s) I don't like walking off with half the cash? I suppose it's not much different from someone I don't like walking off with ALL of it.
Superhero task! Callum would have liked this.
How do people sleep in those onesies? I can't even sleep in pyjamas. It's like going in a sleeping bag - too restrictive.
Is Rescue Squad the best name they could think of for this task? How long did they take to think about it? Not long enough.
There seems to be a real problem with insects in that garden. 'Help me!' They're meant to be the Rescue Squad. Not the Baby Bunch.
I guessed Gina would say she looked best in the superhero outfit.
OMG is that Dexter's willy? He's putting David Bowie's package in Labyrinth to shame. My boyfriend thinks it's padding. Twins in those outfits is not a pretty sight, either. I think one of them's got food down his cossie.
My boyfriend just said, 'I wish Gina would drop dead.' She hadn't even done anything particularly odious at that time.
That laser beam is powerful, innit? CGI, etc. I think they're just advertising food here, to be honest.
Who has taped Sam and Gina together?! This is BS. I wonder how many takes they did of this shit. They couldn't have lost that task because the laser doesn't really work. That was like a proper scripted bit of TV.
I often find I'm wanting to vote one twin out over the other. Not really. I want them both out. But I want Charlie out more. She's duller than them, and that's saying something.
When did Sam start being funny? Was he just saving it until the last week and a half?
That phone looks cheap as fuck. They've literally spent 10p on this task. It's like a BBUS task during the recession.
'If she was a cloth they'd have to wring her out first' doesn't mean someone's dirty, it means they're wet, Dexter, you dope.
'Who's Terry Christian?' Heathens! Do they not watch this show? How can you go on Big Brother and have not watched every episode of every series ever?
Sam does not look impressed that Joe Swash said he was unpopular. Ha.
These tweets are not very nice! Ha. They're quite funny. though. Damning with faint praise.
Who said these tweets?! Where's the names? My boyfriend says the tweets are too long. Someone count the characters! They should read them MY tweets.
Sam - winky expand gate!
Charlie's got done over AGAIN! I liked seeing Gina annoyed. Twin: 'clearly a fan of Hazel.' Haha.
Dexter: 'I like Sam cos he makes my winky expand' says Jeff, 85.' That was a proper laugh out loud moment.
Sam shaking his head at Dexter saying 'there's a difference between being eccentric and being a weirdo' was funny, too.
Gina always needs a new person to slag off! Sophie sits there stirring, but she'd be next on the list if Charlie was gone. My boyfriend just said he's awarding Sophie his 'Jo O Meara' award this year. Gina takes criticism WELL, doesn't she?
Dexter and Charlie on that task: water in the face and all they win is a packet of Maryland cookies. That's your 'I've scraped together 79p' option in the newsagents.
My boyfriend just said 'If I could shoot Charlie between the eyes I think she'd thank me for it.'
Here's a tip, Charlie, if Gina said 'don't say one more offensive thing to me', try NOT SAYING ONE MORE OFFENSIVE THING TO HER. It's your mouth and your brain. Engage them. Don't put that on Gina, that's your problem.
Charlie, here's a good way to start a sentence: 'No, I'm not going to say that...' I cannot STAND the way she operates. She starts shit and then plays the victim. She's even better at emotional blackmail than my mum.
Where the fuck is this twist?!

Big Brother 2013: I don't want to be somewhere I'm not wanted

I'm sure I don't look as rough first thing in the morning as this lot do. Dexter, Charlie, soaps. This has all been filler so far. This task with Sophie is like Brian Belo's 'womb people' but about a thousand times less good. My boyfriend has got his eyes closed at this point. I don't think that's a good sign. I don't think that polo shirt is really working out for Sophie.
Sam is always on about his career! BB isn't the job centre. He's pushing the deaf thing hard in the past week.
I already know who gets the free pass: nobody. That rather removes the tension.
How predictable that Sophie didn't understand what 'unanimous' meant. Aren't we tired of the ignorant act now? I'm so tired of thick people being proud of being thick, it's so depressing.
Oh God, not 'save me' speeches from everyone. Even Sam is wheeling out 'journey'. Luckily, they're all too selfish to do a unanimous vote. Thank God they didn't give it to Charlie.
LOL Dexter's crocodile tears to try and get the pass to the final. Love him. At least he said they should do a unanimous vote. Sophie selfishly just wanted to vote for who she voted for, despite the fact doing that meant nothing.
My boyfriend is fast asleep.
Hold on, did Dexter choose Sophie?! If so, why? Oh, I get it, he's trying to be a hero. Ha, Charlie's got the hump about it. Good. See this emotional blackmail stuff she's pulling now. What a cow. She's one spoilt daughter of a bitch.
Charlie: 'I don't want to be somewhere I'm not wanted.' Piss off, then.
Gina and Dexter doing a massive PR campaign here. Yeah, Gina, you've changed public perception once, and right back again. Yeah, thanks for the motivational speech, Dexter, you're Gina's third best friend in the house.
I couldn't be less interested in Dexter and Charlie. I really couldn't. I really hope she goes on Friday. I even feel like the twins deserve it more than her now.
Live face to face nominations... again. I should imagine it will be quite evenly spread. That's the first time they've mentioned the £100K, I swear.
It doesn't feel tense at all because the nominations seem quite predictable.
Charlie is completely holding up the nominations. Brilliant. We won't get to see the end at this rate. Nominate her just for being a flaky bitch. Why is Charlie wearing a teacher fleece?
She nommed the twins. Ooh, Gina told Charlie to nominate her! Brilliant. I hope Gina ends up on the block as a result. The way she just nominated is the reason she should go, she's worthless. She really has no character whatsoever.
Dexter nommed twins and Sam.
Gina nommed Charlie and Jack and Joe. She said the twins don't seem to care about Hazel being nasty to her. I wonder why they don't care!!! Fucking hypocrite. Charlie looked like she was going to cry when Gina nominated her.
Ooh, twins didn't do Gina. That's a shame. They did Charlie and Dexter. Why did they say 'well done Hazel on getting 100K'?
Sam did Dexter and Sophie, Dexter for 'playing a game'. Well, dur.
Sophie did Sam and Dexter. Does this mean they're all up, or they're all up except Sophie and Gina?
Does Sophie REALLY feel bad nominating Dexter? I'm not so sure. She wanted him out since day one.
So up is Dexter, Sophie, Jack and Joe and Charlie. Can we finally evict the twins? Or Charlie? I'm good either way. I hope Dexter isn't vulnerable this week. Hmm, interesting, they've not put up the voting numbers yet... could it be a vote to save? Here's hoping!

Big Brother 2013: Lord have mercy

Is this shit over yet?
Mean of them to show Sophie puking in the loo, even if it was just for a second.
Oh God, Dexter, please get off the Charlie thing, this is what fucked your chances last time. Doesn't he get that? I thought he was a master strategist.
If Hazel is a hobbit, what does that make Gina? Gollum? No, she's more ET when he dresses up like the old lady.
Oh ok, for this task Marcus is telling them what to do. That's cool. Dexter: 'we need the eggs!' That's not in the spirit of the food fight. Cue an egg whistling past his ear. Ooh, someone's got hurt. It's only one of the twins, though. I love the fact the others just carry on. Ha, Gina's gone mad cos someone's put flour in her hair. She's gonna have to shave her her head at this rate.
Ha, Gina has to clean up the kitchen by herself. Serves her right. It's good for her soul to clean up. Remember when she washed up that cup and the nation was proud?
Sam and Jack's romantic stroll - lol. I think both of them are glad of the attention to be honest.
Jack doesn't know what intimate means. 'I don't have many deep thoughts.' That must be what makes you such a stellar housemate. Jack is pulling out the gay card. Don't think it trumps the deaf card, though. And neither top Dexter's JOURNEY card. That's the toppest of the trumps.
Sam: 'Do you find wasps sexual? If you could have sex with a bee or a wasp, which would you have sex with?' What goes on in this boys head?
Who the fuck is Sophie to say Hazel won't stay friend with them 'because she's a model'? Even if you did THINK that, you wouldn't say it, because it's hurtful. I think I preferred her when she was mute.
LOL that's so good making Jack and Joe tell Gina what they thought of her reaction to Gina's eviction. Zing!
Charlie to Dexter: 'You're one of my best mates.' That must make him feel really special. So they're going to force Charlie and Dexter to get off with each other? Really?
Twin worried he's not funny anymore. You were never funny.
What is Levi Roots plugging? Sauce, probably. Why am I having to watch the housemates cook? Isn't there enough cooking on TV? Lord have mercy, indeed.
Levi Roots: lovely man, doesn't really say anything. Mind you, it's better than when they sent Mohammed Al Fayed in.
If you really didn't want to kiss someone, you just wouldn't kiss them, Charlie. If Big Brother told you to jump of a cliff, would you? Actually, she probably would.
Sam is losing the plot, I think. 'I will rule the world... you could burst a balloon with that nipple.'
Why is Charlie asking about Dexter being bi? Look at Dexter twitching when she asked if he was gay. This is pure gaming on his part here. He's trying to think of what's best for his JOURNEY. Do you think Sophie and Gina are listening to this conversation? I would be.
Dexter, what is Charlie meant to do, if she doesn't fancy you, she doesn't fancy you? God, they're both talking in circles, it's unbearable.
Is Levi Roots really having a Chinese takeaway? Really?
Jack/Joe loves his job. He works in a supermarket! Aim higher, as Jeremy Kyle says.
Oh, Dexter, save it. It's the last week, stop scheming and just relax.
Face to face noms tomorrow! I hope Charlie and Gina are up. I've given up on the twins ever going and Sam and Sophie are virtually available to buy on Very they're such fixtures. So let's have one last big shock before the show ends.

Big Brother 2013: I've broken the back of it

Hairdryer wars! Good morning. I think I can safely say now that Gina is a total prick. I would have punched her in the face by now had I been Hazel. And if I was one of the others I'd definitely tell them both to shut the fuck up.
Charlie seems to think it's funny. I personally think it's disgusting. Hazel: 'If it my time to go...' She's probably dying to get out of there away from that witch and those sheep.
WAS Hazel blowing the hairdryer in Gina's face? Was she really? I hate Gina now, and it's such a shame as she's been brilliant up until last week. Now I see the person she was on the first night is the person she really is.
Gina: 'it's hard living with someone so ghetto.' Lucky Hazel didn't say this about Gina, hey?
Dexter to Charlie on her possible eviction interview: 'Don't give them anything for free.' LOL. He's money mad.
Charlie to Hazel: 'You and your ruthlessness.' Bet she wouldn't dare say that to Queen Gina! What a wimp.
I will say something for the idiot twins, at least they stayed loyal to Hazel, even if they didn't exactly stick up for her.
Fuck you Dexter, for cynically saying you're team Gina because you know Gina is more popular. So transparent. Don't want to get involved? That's the attitude! You could be the new H from Steps if you're really lucky. I'd say Sophie can be the new Cleo Rocos but at Cleo Rocos didn't go up to Jade and go, 'Shilpa's been saying you're ugly.'
As fucked as Charlie's personality is, I wouldn't take any advice from either Dexter OR Hazel if I was her.
Sophie is SUCH a shit stirrer! 'She was calling you an ugly bitch.' Rub it in, why don't you?
UGH Gina calling Hazel a slag. She is OBSESSED with saying Hazel thinks she's something special. I think it's GINA thinks Hazel is something special. So she can't call you ugly but you can call her a slag? I despair for humanity.
I think part of the reason Gina was such a odious cow this week was that she wasn't up for eviction so she just went postal. I really hope someone's got the balls to put her up on Monday. I think she could go on the vote to evict because of how she's been.
Dexter laughing at Gina being rotten makes me sad.
Anyone who says 'hashtag' followed by anything needs putting down. The twins were driving me NUTS on the live feed last night going 'haven't we done well to make it to week x?' Just shut up!
Eviction time. Either Dexter's crying, or he's got a piece of strategy onion in his pocket.
Dexter has NOT been up every single week from the start.
UGH so gross that Gina went 'yes! Thank you public, finally.' She's all class, that girl. Never mind that the twins are sad. Never mind about anything except what Queen Gina wants.
Gina has got a black heart, seriously. I don't remember feeling this much rage towards a housemate in a long while.
Dexter to Charlie: 'Your eyes look so beautiful' and commenting on her dated Sharon-from-Eastenders style make up.
I'm glad the twins noticed Gina didn't say goodbye to Hazel and are actually saying it, albeit in the Diary Room. I haven't liked them since day 1 but it's to their credit they didn't drop Hazel when they realised she was about as popular as UKIP.
Funny how everyone's got something to say about Hazel now she's gone. Aren't Dexter and Sophie astute enough to see that Gina is digging her own grave? Seems like they both want to jump in it with her.
Gina talking about Hazel's career is a bit rich, Gina hasn't even got a job. She's a lazy parasite. Hazel has worked to get where she is.
'No guy will want to marry her, maybe some dickhead who's really desperate.' I saw this on the LF and it made me sick. Very glad they're showing it, as this bitching session went on for some time but that was the line that really stood out. She has NO self-awareness WHATSOEVER. Your future husband was on BOTS singing a song about how you love to 'ride it' Gina, so it's swings and roundabouts.
Twins, be careful what you say about Gina to Sam cos he's in her back pocket.
This self-congratulatory bit was on the live feed and got on my nerves then. 'Haven't we done well?' Dexter: 'I've broken the back of it.' That is so an expression my boyfriend would say.
I feel nauseous seeing Gina lording it in the DR now. Gina: 'I'm not stuck up.' No, you're just a nasty, bitter, jealous bully. I really hope she gets the shock of her life this week.

Big Brother 2013: Speaking on behalf of the public

Just voted to evict Charlie three times. It's worth a quid to try and wipe the smile off Gina's face. This bee task is pissing me off. Hazel to Gina: 'you put the b in bitch.' Ha.
Gina's never seen anyone stick her fingers up at her? Get used to it. Gina's even slagging off her minion Charlie. No one is safe!
Gina is being SO nasty to Hazel. I really don't like it. 'Peasants can't sit with me'? Really?
Did Emma just say Dexter's GIRLFRIEND is there!? She must be desperate, or in on the gameplan.
I can't even be bothered to comment on this boring task, they've even managed to make shitstirring boring.
I wish everyone would get off Hazel's back. It's making me feel sad inside.
This argument between Gina and Hazel was disgraceful. Gina was absolutely vicious. Calling another woman a dirty whore is vile and everyone all giggling about it is not much better. Something else that was horrible was Gina bringing the twins into it; they're Hazel's only friends in the house, plus it was hurtful to them, too.
I'm going to be really upset when Hazel goes tonight off the back off this bullshit. Gina was no better than a playground bully there. I don't get why she's still getting so much support on Twitter. What does she have to do for people to say 'enough'? I loved her, and I can't stand her now. Don't get me wrong, she's been great entertainment, but vote for her to win? I'd rather vote for the twins at this point (It actually hurt to write that).
UGH, Charlie's friend Sophie is there. 'Speaking on behalf of the public.' NO. At least some people were chanting at her. Hazel's friend should punch her. The crowd are a bunch of dickheads, and that's being polite.
Emma to Dexter's mum: 'Dexter's mum nominated the twins.' Dur. Sophie's boyfriend his kind of cute but seems thick as pigshit.
I do laugh when Gina calls Hazel 'the hobbit', though. Gina's never been called 'ugly' before. Try not calling people a 'dirty whore' then, it's quite ugly language and shows on your face.
Dexter: 'I'm receding so badly I need a hair transplant.' Ha.
Oh god, they're going to save three housemates. Please save Dexter first, not the idiot twins.
I love the fact Dexter has a pen in his hand. He's clicking it too.
UGH they saved Jack and Joe first! WHYYYYYYYY! WHY??? I swear it's Emma Willis doing it.
Yay, Dexter is safe again! Love Dexter's save face. What will his win face be like? I want Dexter to win again now, I really do. I hope he doesn't really fuck his game again this week. If Charlie goes, it will help his game.
Hazel patching things up with Charlie... hope it's not too late. I'm glad they showed that flashback of what Gina said. Hard evidence of Gina mixing! Gina's 'not bothered'. Not much. Why is she listening at the door then?! Gina is SPOILING for a fight! Who died and made her queen of the house (oh, Big Brother did).
Just felt my heart sink when Hazel got evicted. At least she gets her BOTS time and all that shit, Charlie will be out fifth and get fuck all.
Love Hazel still working it and posing despite the boos. You go girl! Professional! That smile she painted on was brilliant. Unflappable. She's hard as nails.
Oh God, now for the interview. Bet we don't get to hear a word. Please shut the eye, FFS. Oh, they did. Thank God. I'm so happy they did that, she doesn't deserve the lynching. They sound loud enough anyway.
I don't remember Daley being shown a clips package of him and Hazel? She lost the guy she liked and couldn't even talk about him for weeks afterwards, Have a heart, FFS.
Bet Emma tells her she's gone back to his GF. Notice they didn't show the ATTACK in that clips package. What a fucking joke.
Oh, how ironic that Hazel said 'it takes two to tango.' Hazel just said she thought he didn't have a girlfriend! I'm glad Hazel said Daley was the one with the girlfriend! God, where does Emma get off with the girlfriend thing?! Daley's girlfriend is Daley's responsibility! I'm glad Hazel said 'I got the blame cos I'm the girl.'
Hazel is coming across so articulate and ten times smarter than Emma. You can tell she's been waiting to get this off her chest. She even said she held her hands up! Is Emma going to mention the horrible thing Daley did?!
I can't believe they are showing the attack in the screen now! Gosh. Hazel looks beautiful tonight. Her eyes are SO blue.
Thought that was one of the best interviews ever, except the Daley subject went on too long, and (surprise) Gina's bullying of Hazel was not even mentioned. Emma threw her two or three crumbs, but the rest was just an onslaught. Sickening to see Gina lording it up now.
There's only one thing for it. Dexter FTW. Don't let me down.

Big Brother 2013: Where's the insect repellent?

I'm not really in the mood for BB tonight! I've just been watching BBUS and the bitch they've got on there makes Gina look like Rachel Rice. Predictably I like her, though. And she got voted for eviction ahead of a racist! That's pretty bad bitchery. Gold star for her on the bitchometer.
Meanwhile, back in our BB, we've got a bee task. Cue a zillion puns.
Dexter recognises 'Flight of the Bumblebee' when he hears it. You can't say that for many housemates.
How come Gina got nominated Queen Bee? Never good to wear a crown in Big Brother. You might get a bad case of power going to your head which can see you going out the door. Which is probably why they're doing it.
Twins: 'Gina's always getting secret tasks.' I can think of more tasks those idiots have got than her.
Hopefully Charlie being Gina's minion will count against her. I see they've remodelled the electric shock suit at last. Only took them about 8 years. The bee suits aren't as ridiculous, though. Although no expense has been spared on the goth socks.
WTF is this Zeo product placement? I've never seen that drink before.
Sophie's such a little grass! She so plays both sides. She always reports back. Snitch.
I wonder if they can squeeze a few more shots of Hazel's arse in?
I can't believe they are going to bully Hazel even MORE! Charlie: 'She's going to think it's a personal thing.' Do you think?
Sam's jokes were the lols! They showed some ruder ones on BOTS.
Gina: 'Tell them to work harder.' Charlie: 'Tell them to work harder.' God, this bitch is stupid.
Charlie: 'There's been too much bad language.' Hazel: 'Fuck off.' I like the way she doesn't beat around the bush.
I'm totally on Hazel's side! 'Worst task ever.' She's probably right. Except the wresting task. Gina is being a right bossy cow - obviously.
That toilet is disgusting.
Hazel didn't say 'fucking little bitches' under her breath, she said it quite loudly. Sophie, stop being a little snitch. I hate talk of 'true colours', it gets on my nerves.
Gina: 'I would have laughed it off.' Yeah. Sure you would, Gina. My boyfriend thinks they've set this task up deliberately to get rid of Charlie.
Charlie: 'She might not like being victimised.' No, you would have thought she'd be used to it.
I'm sick of hearing about how Charlie's a caring person and a good person. 'Aw, hope we didn't pick the wrong person.' Well you picked her, you sneaky cow. She is some passive aggressive arsehole.
Hazel is rummaging in her pants.
Gina took the video message from her boyfriend quick smart! Charlie's like 'hmm'. Who wants to hear from her arsehole friend Sophie anyway?
Why didn't she hide her stinger better? I hope Gina doesn't get her video as a result.
OMG Sophie is a right little grass! 'She aint even got her wings on either!' Shut up, YOUS is a little creep.
Gina is really getting on my nerves and her toady is even worse. Luckily Gina's not up, so let's stick it to Charlie instead. Argh, Gina is really getting on my wick. This could save Hazel this week. Who spells out the 'c.u.n.t'? Only a cunt would do that. Gina's never been so insulted in her entire life. What about when Charlie called you a prozzy? Keep talking Gina, your game is going up in smoke. And I think you're giving the producers exactly what they want.
Twin: 'can you eat toothpaste?' You probably could.
Gina seemed reticent when she was on the phone to her boyfriend. Why is her boyfriend allowed to say 'stay away from Hazel to her?' She was talking all over him! That was so awkward. He should have told her to reign in her rampant ego. It would have done her more of a favour.
Is Hazel cold in the DR? She seems kind of hunched. Probably because she's BEE-ing bullied. I'm so tired of Gina going on about Hazel, I really am. She's verging on bullying, she really is. I don't know how Hazel keeps her cool.
I've never seen such a houseful of sheep falling into line. Even Dexter toes the party line now.
Hazel has cracked me up this episode: 'I have a size 10 headache.' Hazel FTW! Dance, twinnies, dance.
Hazel: 'It feels like an earthquake.'
Dexter: 'I wish it was another 30 days.' My boyfriend: 'He must really hate his life.'
Shut up, Gina, who cares what your boyfriend thinks. Charlie picking up a crumb from Gina. Every bullshit thing that comes out of Gina's mouth is helping Hazel's game. Doesn't she realise?
And the lesson for today is: let's never put Gina in charge of the world. Beeeeeee good.

Big Brother 2013: Peace and tranquility

Who keeps ticking my 'blah' box? *shakes fist* Luckily I'm not Charlie and won't have an existential crisis over it.
Charlie is going to play the victim HARD. My boyfriend think she's going to go. He's nuts. Hazel will go. Hazel will be strung up.
Charlie: 'I never want to speak to Hazel again.' I wish she'd ended that sentence after the first five words. 'Hazel doesn't care about me.' I don't blame her!
Why is Dexter slagging Hazel for being tough? Being tough is a good thing.
Sophie (reluctantly): 'Are you alright, Charlie?' Sounds like she REALLY cares.
Twidiot thinks three million people are watching. Who's gonna tell him?
'Charlie is deep in conversation with Sam.' That's a deposition, not a conversation. I think Sam actually hates her for what she did to Callum. Sam is BIG TIME on his end game strategy here. Doesn't speak for two months, has a go at Dexter and then comforts Charlie? He's smarter than he looks.
Is it a Charlie special today? I'm sick of looking at her miserable face. She could wilt flowers!
Please stop showing the twins in the pool! How come women have to cover up their boobies and they're allowed to show theirs?
Hazel is scoffing at the mere idea of a best friend.
Sam is strategising hard! I swear he doesn't like Charlie. He's just woken up the the fact it doesn't look good that three others have ganged up on her. He's brave standing up to Gina on this. He might not know his alphabet but he knows his own mind. Gina looks like she's actually listening to him. I think she's twigging her game could be in jeopardy.
No one is talking to Hazel! Ooh twins realised Charlie is playing the victim. But will the public?
Are Charlie and Hazel still sleeping in the same bed together?
I thought the twins were one housemate! Why do they get split up for this task?
Commentary task! I love Dexter pointing at the picture of Hazel and vomming! It's hard to fake a conversation and listen at the same time! I think it's beyond some of these housemates. Plus, wouldn't they think the commentators could hear them? It's too confusing!
Hazel to Dexter: 'you look orange and evil.'
I hate Dexter and Charlie teaming up against Hazel. Why is Gina saying sorry to Charlie? What about your boyfriend and what the mums said? I don't get why Gina has turned against Hazel again. I know it's good for for Hazel's game, though.
This dancing is TOO MUCH. These twins are also making me feel sick in the pool.
I see they're all ganging up on Hazel tonight instead of Charlie; difference is they're doing it behind her back because they're all shit scared of her.
The twins: 'our mums only see an hour.' Hold up, I thought mums don't lie! Backtrack.
Why is Charlie being so forgiving of Gina and Sophie, who lets not forget, sold her down the river? How come all the hate is on Hazel? Hazel is a hate-sponge.
Kind of a boring episode tonight. Going to be even worse if Charlie doesn't get evicted.
We did a podcast today! Listen here if you have nothing better to do: http://www.spreaker.com/user/lightupvm/big_brother_uk_callumity_bbuk

Big Brother 2013: Blunt as a motherfucker

Good live feed last night! I was personally happy to see Charlie get her comeuppance, although Gina came off looking like a mean girl. In fact, the main person I could relate to was Hazel, who blew her top and who could blame her (well, a thousand Twitter misogynists, but apart from those lowlifes?) What sticks in my mind is the idiot twin going 'If my mum said it, it must be true' about ten zillion times. What a pathetic little kid. Gina also said 'mums never lie' and 'mums are always right.' What about if two mums have differing opinions? What THEN, Gina? Anyway, more of this later. Probably a LOT more.
I never knew Gina had a clip on fringe! Clinge. That hair looks a lot of effort. Good colour match, though.
Hazel's starting the day off on a good note: 'I wish everyone would get the fuck out of my face.' It's only going to be up from here!
Wow, they've cut out the whole day and we're going straight to 10.30pm a quarter of an hour in. They MUST have a lot of shit to show. Cool.
Ooh I want to see these noms again. Sophie on Hazel's mum: 'she don't look nothing like you.' Hazel's mum did Gina and Sophie.
Charlie's friend is a CUNT, and a rotten little witch.
Dexter giving Sam's mum the death stare through the screen. Sam's mum nominating Sophie for not speaking properly is prejudice against commoners.
I love Gina's boyfriend! He's the best. Charlie's face when he called her sly. Ha!
I'm glad almost all of them were up. Sam and Gina wouldn't have gone anyway. Sam couldn't hear again, I noticed.
Hazel's face after Charlie's friend nominated was a picture, she looked like she'd just smelt something disgusting; probably Charlie's friend's toxic vagina.
See how quickly Gina turned on Charlie. The imbecile twins so proud they don't like deep conversations - what a pair of dimwits.
Hazel: 'your friend is blunt as a motherfucker.' I loved the way she went so Irish when she got angry. Hazel has every right to be mad. Hazel: 'I can't wait to meet her...' ...and knock her out.
Gina must have lost her mind going off on Charlie. She should think of her end game!
Twins sticking it to Charlie as well. What a horrible pair. I would take a person based on how I knew them in the house. I would consider my friends and family's opinion but I make my OWN decisions about people.
Oh no, Charlie's journey has gone back to square one! Don't tell us what we should be thinking about your time in the house. I think you're an inane, babbling, attention-seeking freak, not some innocent girl going on a journey of discovery.
Disgusting the way the all turned on Charlie in a way - even though I do think she deserves a lot of it, I don't like the pack mentality. They're ALL in the wrong. There's no one to side with because I can't stand Charlie, and the others behave appallingly. I can only really understand Hazel, who's basically been called a slag on TV, and thinks her best friend is a liar, which is bound to make you twitch.
Charlie: 'I'm misunderstood.' No, I think you've finally BEEN understood. I hate her wishy washiness. I hate her yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahs. She DOES change her opinion depending on who she's talking to.
Ooh Dexter has gone from comforting Charlie to sticking it to her a little bit. 'Conflict management', lol.
That flashback about the Callum/ Dexter task wasn't really that incriminating. I don't like the flashbacks! Or do I? Maybe I do.
Hazel got objectified by wearing a snake suit! I think she might be getting her words in a muddle.
I said two or three days ago that I wondered why Charlie was bothered whether Hazel was opening up or showing emotion or didn't and they're finally twigging about it. But Gina and Hazel suddenly becoming buddies doesn't really wash. In fact, it doesn't wash in the slightest.
Charlie's thousand yard stare last night was quite something to behold. She was backpeddling badly. 'I don't want to be here' - fuck off then. Aw, she's doing a fake cry!
Hazel looks good in those green leggings. Not sure about her padded jacket, though.
Gina properly stitched Charlie up here. Gina, you're pissing your game up the wall! What are you thinking? Just keep your head down! Laughing whilst Charlie and Hazel are fighting is not doing her any favours, either. Sophie was also enjoying stirring the pot last night.
Charlie has gone from yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah to nononononono. Oh well, at least it's something different. I think Charlie is buying her clothes in 1995. 6th form times!
Twins 'if mum's said it, you've done it.' I would rip that little twerp's HEAD OFF if he said that to me. I'd be like, 'I know what I fucking said.' How DARE HE? And people think he's arrogant? WELL, I NEVER.
Charlie: 'I don't like the idea of people not liking me.' How tragic to live your life like that. I LOVE it when people don't like me! It's her desperation to please that's at the crux of her problems.
They're actually showing quite a lot of this. The other's faces watching this argument was quite sinister. No one defended Charlie, not even Dexter. I think they've all had enough of her.
Gina is 'quite scared'. No, Gina is enjoying this bad blood. I'm imagining Gina in the school yard, taking the piss out of me right now. The way she was cackling and lording it was really unpleasant. Such a shame.
Charlie's 'poor little me, I can't stand up for myself' thing doesn't stack up either. She CAN stand up for herself and does. She just prefers to go down the pity route.
This campaign thing really seems like the most boring part of this argument. Why aren't we talking about Charlie's insane friend more?
Dexter blaming Charlie for losing his girlfriend is RICH. He's entirely to blame for that situation. Totally out of order there. It was him who decided to throw his 'relationship' away for a bit of storyline.
Ooh, Charlie's sticking up for horrid friend now, saying she nominated Hazel for a reason related to her. No. Your friend is entirely selfish, like you.
I have to laugh at the twins: 'that woman took a rude pill.' Oh no, I laughed at them twice in that one Diary Room entry. Don't tell anyone.
I like Dexter's little military jumper. 'She mugged me off professionally and emotionally.' No. You mugged yourself off, kiddo. Charlie didn't make you dump your girlfriend. Charlie lurking when they had that convo.
Gina is going for it in the Diary Room! Have they only just twigged that Charlie was an arse for nominating Callum? Come on!
This isn't the end of Charlie and Hazel's friendship because there never was a friendship. Just an unholy alliance. I feel exhausted!

Big Brother 2013: With friends like these...

I just want to to get one thing straight, boyo. This contrived argument between Sam and Sophie is boring. But at least it's not ruinous, as I suspect friends and family nominations will be.
Haha, Sophie is telling Hazel Dexter said he'd evict her. What DID Dexter say that for?! We knew it would get back to them at the moment he said that!
Look at the STATE of that toilet!
I don't care about Sam's 'journey' or Sam's emotions and I think the only reason him and Sophie are bitching at each other is because they both know the end game is in sight and they're both twitching like motherfuckers.
Shut up, idiot twin. I hate it when he has a go at Dexter. I'd evict that fat fucker and his gross brother, too. They're not fit to kiss Dexter's Tuco shoes.
Sophie, stop yapping! You're killing your game right here. Better off with that imaginary 'sweet' tag. God, imagine if she'd been like this for 10 weeks, she'd have been gone weeks ago.
You're right, Sophie, he's not sweet, and nor are you. Her mask has slipped BADLY. I wish the housemates could put her plate face up this week. How rude calling him 'a fucking idiot'. She's the one who kept pressuring him to say why he didn't like her, when he didn't, he just said he didn't connect with her. That bitch has been biting her lip for weeks now; THIS is the real person she is. Glad you kept her in over Dan?
Dexter is trying to turn things round on Sam whilst he's a bit down. He's getting it from all angles today, you poor sod.
LOL to Sam saying Dexter is 'sucking up to him'. Even Sam is pulling this 'journey' card indirectly now. Ha, Dexter said the word 'journey'. I thought Sam was quite gracious there, really. He stands his ground at least.
'Gina, has anyone ever sent you any fan mail before?' Gina: 'By post, no.' Gina is targeting Hazel again! I liked her writing the letters, though. She was the right girl for the job.
Ha to Gina calling herself 'a loyal friend' in the fan letters. Good strategy.
I LOVE the fact Gina told herself she was the best in the house. HILARIOUS! AND slagged off Hazel in it too. Subtle as a brick.
I love the fact Dexter's letter went psycho. Love, Stan. I love the fact any of them think they have fans.
I love the way Hazel deals with things! She just gets better and better and it makes Gina look increasingly petty, and I'm sure Hazel knows that, too.
Dexter has come to thank Mary Anne personally. Where would one buy a Dexter poster or t-shirt? I'm surprised Dexter isn't demanding a cut of the royalties.
It's nice the twin did a fan letter for Hazel as she never got one. I like the way she uses them for emotional support now Daley and Dan have gone. I have a feeling she won't be hanging out with them in the outside world, though.
Gina couldn't WAIT to tell them about the letters! Aw, Dexter's little face!
I saw Sophie and Gina chatting on the live feed about their families last night and it was quite nice, actually.
Friends and family noms! I'm glad Hazel's mum is there supporting her. Hazel has had nothing in the way of contact and support from her family. Hazel's mum nominated Sophie, not Dexter. Yay. Hazel looks gorgeous.
Charlie's friend nominated Hazel 'for going after another girl's man.' How fucking pathetic. What the hell has it got to do with you? It's appalling strategy as Hazel is Charlie's 'best friend' in the house. How sad to go on a personal vendetta when you should be putting yourself in Charlie's shoes and doing what she would do. That girl is a cunt. You'd be better off with Jackie nominating. It will also upset Charlie to have her friend casting aspersions like that. With friends like these, who needs enemies? I'm honestly in a state of shock about that. 'It's something I feel very strongly about.' Well I hope you just got Charlie evicted, you spiteful little shit. Ooh, she also nominated Jack and Joe. It's not all bad then! Haha, she said they were 'full of themselves.' LOL. Charlie's friend is a piece of work. Charlie has the friends she deserves.
Dexter's mum (again!): Jack and Joe, ha. They are twitching. Dexter's mum did Hazel as well. Well, these are the same noms Dexter would have done anyway. Not sure for her reason for nominating Hazel.
Jack and Joe's mum: Dexter. Surprise, surprise. Dexter's mum also did Charlie! Ha. 'She loves talking about herself.' True.
Sams mum did Dexter and Sophie. Is Sophie going to be up? She nominated Sophie for 'not speaking clearly'.
Sophie's nan nominated Hazel! Hazel is such an easy target. Sophie's nan did Sam too and said 'he's so boring he's like watching paint dry.'
Gina's boyfriend: Hazel. 'She puts to F in fake. Gina's boyfriend nommed Charlie for being a liar as well. Charlie's sad face! HA. We saw through you at last. She had a proper 'you've been rumbled face'. I'm glad Gina's boyfriend didn't do Dexter.
Hazel took that SOOOOO well. They're all up except Sam! Charlie or the twins out this week, please. Twins look mad!
Charlie doing damage control! Too late, your days are numbered. I would LOVE to see Charlie or the twins go! Please make it happen. Please. Please?

Big Brother 2013: A mysterious transition

Sorry I wasn't around yesterday, I was in a field in Brighton surrounded by lesbians! And a good time it was too. Back in BB, I was pleased to see Gina eating a slice of humble pie, as I don't think she can win it if she thinks she's still top of the tree, and I do want her to win it. Her or Dexter, who also had a good show yesterday.
I wish these twins were gone; them and Charlie are like bringing the show down badly with their chronic dullness. Stop shit-stirring about Hazel, Charlie, pack up your eyebags and leave. I also can't stand Sophie and her dressing gown of doom.
Oh, Charlie's the new target now Callum's gone. Good. Sophie is right though, Charlie doesn't say what she thinks. Anything but, in fact. Good, I'm glad her gameplan is starting to crack. I just hope the families do what's right.
What the fuck is Charlie wearing today? She looks like a manic depressive Hula girl. She's going to 'move in together and go on holiday with Hazel'? If you say so, Droopy. Also, the way she said she wasn't going to miss Callum last night was just cruel after she'd sucked every inch of life out of him. She's an emotional vampire.
What the fuck is Charlie's problem anyway? What is it to her even IF Hazel is 'faking' being emotional? Worried someone's moving ahead of you in the race? Their 'friendship' is the biggest joke on the planet. They can't fucking stand each other.
I love the fact Dexter called himself a professional magician when actually he just worked as the demonstrator in the toy shop. I like to think of all Dexter's 'careers' in these terms. So his work in the strip club was probably just that he was a flasher. I'm glad they're giving Dexter a good task though, and we don't have to put up with Callum frowning and gurning throughout. I love it when Dexter is lording it over the others!
Does ANYONE believe Sam is sweet anymore? Dexter just said Sam's catchphrase is 'any hole's a goal.' Why haven't we seen him say that? Oh, doesn't fit with this bullshit sweet storyline. The fact is, neither Sophie NOR Sam are sweet little innocent babies.
Hazel being stitched up AGAIN, I see.
I wish Dexter could make half of the housemates disappear permanently. Dear Lord, do they really think Sam has been evicted on Dexter's whim? They ARE paranoid!
Why is Sam getting to see what the others are saying? This is such engineered storylining from BB. Is that twin allowed to tell them that Dexter plans to nominate Sam? Sam looks like he's crying! No Callum in there with some comforting words, either.
I'm glad Sam saw Gina sticking up for Sam. Dexter: 'He's got no mates anymore' lol.
This is a bit of a stitch up for Dexter, although I guess he should know better than to start mouthing off in that situation. I don't like the way Sam is coming out and digging everyone out. He's an idiot. They basically had to poke him with a stick to even get him to react. Still 'coming out of your shell' after two months? Get to fuck.
Dexter took time out of his busy schedule to come talk to you, Sam! Where's the appreciation? Dexter is overplaying his hand here. I don't even consider that part of the show, it was just such blatant storylining, trying to get something to happen.
Friends and family nominate tomorrow, I assume? God help us. I have a feeling it's going to be the week we lose Dexter.

Big Brother 2013: Don't need no Superman

Saw Gina acting the goat on the live feed tonight, which was disappointing, being nasty to Hazel. Talking of being nasty, I see the Hazel hate mob are out in force. Did they ship in extra chavs especially? Usually I don't use the word 'chav' but I'll make an exception for these lowlifes. They should drop the bomb, although Jeremy Kyle would struggle for guests for a few weeks as a result.
They're giving Hazel a bullshit edit, I see, showing her saying she doesn't care (which they've driven her to).
Callum's giving the twins his seal of approval. 'Dexter is using his villain status to gain popularity in the outside world.' No, people LIKE Dexter, Callum.
Woah, Gina's swimsuit! Dexter and Gina both look like they should be on a yacht tonight. I'm liking their sunglasses.
Gina needs to calm down on her vendetta against Hazel. It's hurting her game, in my opinion.
Shut up, Callum! You're not honest. What about your VT (your kryptonite)?
This bitch in the crowd hates Dexter and loves Callum. She must be the only person in the country who feels this way.
Election task. I already saw Dexter's anti Callum poster and it was AMAZING. The twins don't want to learn about themselves. I'm not surprised. Are the twins doubting Dexter's journey? Heathens, lol.
I want Hazel to stay just to piss Gina off, and Gina's my favourite.
Callum is 'genuine'. That's why he's doing the American accent again. This is AWFUL. Callum has lovely writing. Shame about everything else.
Dexter's poster was SPOT ON. 'Thinks the public are idiots' about Callum. I just voted for Callum to go again when he started on Dexter. Everyone's faces when they were having that argument! Oh, God. Callum is mental.
Oh God, friends and family. Everyone loves Callum - children, old people. Hazel's friend is blaming the edit. Why aren't the twins getting panned tonight? It's getting on my nerves. The crowd is chanting 'get Dexter out'! Imbeciles.
Charlie just said the words 'I'm going to soar' to Callum. AMAZING.
Now they're showing Gina saying she doesn't want Dexter to go. Yay.
Ah, cool, they're going to save someone! It HAS TO BE DEXTER.
WHAT THE FUCK Jack and Joe got the fewest votes?! You've got to be shitting me! Oh no, they're now going to think they're more popular than Dexter and gloat over him. I'm not at all hopeful for Hazel now if the public are this stupid. And they are.
This sucks! Also, Callum will be pleased Dexter got one in the eye. URGH! I hate vote to evict! Bring back vote to SAVE.
DEXTER, STOP SAYING THE WORD JOURNEY.
Ha, 'a bully in a china shop.' This is the bit I saw on live feed, where Gina was being a bitch to Hazel. Just voted Callum again. Gina is being stupid here. It was a task; Hazel didn't do anything wrong and Gina was trying to make her look bad. I'd almost go as far as to say Gina was manipulating the public here.
Why does Charlie keep having these conversations with Callum? They're not getting anywhere! She just wants the constant attention. She's a million times worse than anything Hazel has done for psychological abuse. No wonder he's tied in knots. It doesn't excuse his psychotic behaviour, but talk about a toxic combination.
Gina is getting what she wants, Hazel slagging her off in the Diary Room, so more people vote to evict Hazel. I'm sure Gina timed that conversation because she knew it would be on tonight's show. Don't get me wrong, I respect the strategy, but it's a bit unfair.
Ok, here goes. OMG it was Callum! Thank God. This makes up for the twins being safest a bit. Hazel's face was a PICTURE. Who went 'what the hell'? Did Dexter hug him? I feel sorry for Sam a bit, I suppose.
My friend is laughing at Callum's clothes on Facebook but this is his best look! Haha. He seems a bit more relaxed in his interview in a way, less cliched. but very bitter.
Callum's mum: 'We're proud of ya Callum!' Yep, everyone at the council estate is backing you, they just couldn't afford the phonecalls to evict Dexter. Soz.
The eye can be open for this interview as Callum is not a woman. Dexter's a ssssssnake, zzz. Callum going on about 'airtime' - shut up. Callum is using his whole interview to slate Dexter. Sad. he's such an angry man. He'll look back and realise he wasted his time in there, on Charlie AND Callum.
Callum is crying! Oh dear, what a twonk. Not this 'average lad' schtick again. Leave it aht!
Stop crying, Callum. Can someone get him a cringe rag?
Bye, Callum, and take your passive aggressive schtick with you.
Oh no, I HATE it when the friends and family nominate. They always go for the wrong person. They're not going to nom Sophie, Sam, Charlie or Jack and Joe. They're going to nom Gina, Dexter and Hazel. Why do they do this, it's such a load of balls! Fail.
Do you know something that would be funny? If Hazel... won? Just a thought! Night night.

Big Brother 2013: How do you like your embryo in the morning?

'This is Big Brother, training time has began.' I think you mean 'begun'.
I can't watch people eating raw eggs. That's not for me. I've just been out and I'm not feeling right anyway. This isn't helping.
Someone posted Callum's bio on DS today and it was like 'I'm confident, I like belittling people.' Ha! Who is Callum to go in the DR and say Dexter can't talk about 'his whirlwind life in London'? It's not Dexter's fault he's got more money than you. Why does someone having a good life (or talking up having a good life) make you feel bad? Envy is an ugly quality. In fact, it's quite pathetic. Is Callum envious of Gina's money?
Dexter and Hazel: 'We're made of different stuff.' You can insert whatever punchline you like here. Dexter is finding the banter not so mint in the house.
Sam to Callum: 'You might get a lot of respect for sticking up for yourself.' And maybe not.
I just fast forwarded through the twins' battle which was good as I'm a bit behind so it saved me a few minutes. Twins in Lycra? No, ta.
I don't get this Jackador and Jaded Joker thing. Why didn't they call them Jack Smack and Joe Blow? Actually, that makes them sound more exciting than they are.
I hate all this smutty talk the guys all do, especially Sam, it's really childish and borderline offensive.
Don't worry, Sophie, I don't think you're sweet. Nice attempt to give you a storyline, but the fact is you're not loud and confident, you're dull.
I like Sophie's fuchsia blusher. Sam suits the porn star 'tache. He looks about 15 years older. Sam: 'I've seen an eclipse brighter than that woman.' Sophie: 'what?' Point proved.
Whack a mole. Sophie: 'You beat a girl.' Self sexism!
I don't like the iPad for the shopping list as they can't add it up wrong. Harry could never order 500 bananas again! Boo to that.
Is Sophie welded into that dressing down? There's always one each year who can't be bothered to get dressed each day and just sits around smoking in terry towelling.
Charlie: 'I need to be put in my place.' Callum: earwigging. This conversation is disturbing.
Hazel wants half the money! She deserves it more than Conor did. I hate it when they give away some of the prize money, but they always do it. Charlie wouldn't take half the money if it was offered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Test her! Argh, she wants acceptance. I'm surprised she didn't mention her journey.
Is Gina cooking? Whatever next! Washing up after? Why is Gina trying to poison her housemates? Ah, an easy way to win, I suppose.
Callum: 'I don't want to go before Dexter.' Good luck with that. Dexter ISN'T a villain. Stop comparing yourself to him, you desperado. People aren't keeping Dexter in because they hate him, but because they like him!
Dexter fans: evict Callum for his own sanity. And the twins for mine.

Big Brother 2013: Sulk Hogan

Why do all the girls in the BB house go to sleep with a full face of slap? I'm not convinced I've ever seen Charlie take her spidery mascara off.

Wresting. The best thing since wrestling is anything but wrestling. 

Lion Heart and Lion Kid don't sound very scary. Isn't the plural of nemesis nemeses? 

The wrestler doesn't think the twins are funny either. Callum: you can be creepy Callum.

Sophie: 'Gina, how do you plan to take your 'component' down?' Bit by bit. I like Gina and Hazel. They both look cool in their outfits. I like Gina's socks. OM-Gina, as Callum said the other night. 

Hazel's song should have been Maneater. I bet they're enjoying getting some aggression out! Hazel is kicking Gina's arse. This is fun.

Gina on Hazel: 'she definitely has an evil hobbit inside her.' Gina's laughing at her own jokes in the DR. 

Dexter limbering up, ha. 

Callum doesn't look at ALL camp in that cowboy outfit, does he?! Callum has 'the testicular fortitude - the balls.' Thanks for the translation, Callum. He sure is 'deceptively intelligent.' 

'Crocodile tears on demand.' Is this a new TV show? This conversation between Callum and Dexter is so lame and contrived. Neither of them are doing themselves any favours.

Oh Lord! Callum's American accent! American accents are easy peasy. Dexter wiggling his fingers and going: 'Mwhahahahaha.' Win.

Dexter having a go at Callum's nipple ring! HA! I think that's what made him flip. Dexter's was all jovial and then Callum was really serious and straight-faced. 

Has Dexter been looking down his nose at Callum's family? I think Callum might be over-egging the situation. Gina laughing! This is actually quite uncomfortable viewing. Dexter and Callum back in the 'dressing room' looked like they were waiting for their results at the STI clinic.

Dexter's hiding his pasty body behind a cape. Callum doesn't deserve to have Eminem as his theme music.

Callum tonguing the octopus! He IS desperate. Are you happy you won, Callum? Ah, well at least you've got your dignity intact. Oh.

Callum: 'Dexter makes me feel small.' Grow a fucking spine then! If someone else makes you feel like that, you must have zero character. NO ONE could make me feel small. Except a giant.

Is Dexter genuinely upset or just playing up? Also, did he just say 'peeps'?

Why is Sophie miffed Sam nominated her, she nominated him! I don't think Sam is clever enough to nominate her for strategy. He just doesn't click with you, Sophie.

Callum, stop playing the victim! You're making me sick. You're a grown man, get a grip. 'Underlining' issue. Is it verbal typo night tonight?

Do you know how many times I've heard Callum, Charlie and Dexter say they're drawing a line under things? I'd like to draw that line with fucking Semtex. 

Even Sophie can see through Callum's crap about his family. 

Callum is saying he saw the 'purple mist'. That's reassuring. Charlie: 'I respect you for saying how it is.' You're an idiot.

Callum is playing the sympathy card hard here. What is Gina talking about? Dexter hasn't done anything. Callum is trying to outgame Dexter and he's never going to be able to.

I love the reaction to Callum twisting some offhand thing Dexter said, 'I will stick it in you.' Apparently Dexter said no such thing and if he had, he would have got a warning. 

I don't think these people know the meaning of the word 'deep'. Dexter's arms are going! 'I will do you.' Beavis and Butthead would have a field day with this conversation.

I love the fact Callum was talking to Dexter and he just walked off to get something from the kitchen. Show Mr Byrite some respect! 

Callum on the kitchen counter went on for about 15 minutes last night. Callum was OFF HIS FACE shouting 'bollocks' and ranting and raving. It was quite disturbing. He got called to the DR because he was flipping out on the bed. Callum got off LIGHTLY with the edit here. I wanted to know what they said to Callum when they called him to the Diary Room.

Dexter: 'He knocks me sick.' I do appreciate Sam is sticking up for Callum, but Sam doesn't realise the extent of Callum's loopiness, I don't think. 

I'm voting to evict Callum tonight. I really am drawing a line here. In fact, several. They spell out whatever Callum's 'vote to evict' number is. I'm going to be voting Callum and the twins. If Hazel goes this week, then we really are a nation of women haters.

Big Brother 2013: He's gonna kill us all

Last night on live feed Callum went from cringebag to loony tunes. He browbeat Charlie into the ground. Even so, all Charlie has to do is scream 'fuck off!' at him and it would be 'case closed.' I think she likes the psychological abuse in a way; let's face it, she must have grown up with enough from mad Jackie.
Callum and Sam are pervs; not exactly a newsflash.
Frog-gate! What a croak. Where's Wolfy when you need her? 'What do you have to teach me, Freddo?' The twins: 'he's going to kill us all!' That was actually quite funny. Frogs are cool. My cats used to bring in frogs and they used to jump under the oven and get fried. Ah... memories.
Dexter to Gina: 'you wearing contacts is like putting furry dice in a Ferarri.' Does she wear coloured contacts? Ha, Dexter's style is like a Ford Fiesta. It would have been better if you'd said that to his face.
Gina sighing about Charlie's fashion sense. Hilarious! I think Gina is angling for a fashion show here. She could be the new face of eek or chic.
This is like BBUS when they do a shopping task, except they get to keep the clothes in the US and they get to put on as many as they can in a minute. Are they getting to keep these? I don't think Very is that generous. This is convenient as Gina was just talking about clothes! I like Callum's sunglasses top. That's officially his best piece of clothing.
What is Hazel wearing?! I bet Gina and Dexter are like 'ugh, catalogue clothes' about the clothes from Very.
Oh God, the twins are trying to do a Jade Goody. No, not that.
I like Sam's flowery shirt. I noticed him wearing it on LF last night and thought I'd never seen it before. It's weird when housemates bust out new clothes halfway through a series, unnerving, even.
Twins: 'shut up. No, you shut up, etc.' Is it just me or are they giving them a bad edit? If so, yay. Now they're showing them slagging off Dexter, too, right before nominations.
If the housemates are happy to go to 'jail' for a slice of pizza, they should make the punishment putting them up for nomination instead. I actually like it when the housemates rebel; what are they going to do, send security in like they didn't do for the Pratts? That's quite funny that they sent the others to jail instead. Is going to jail really that bad? It doesn't look that bad.
Twin would have 'tooken' the punishment. Is he five? That's got to be the evil twin goading them in prison!
Callum did not look happy when they showed Dexter's noms!
Charlie kind of looked like she was laughing when they showed Callum's. He looked sad. Charlie said later they forced her to say nasty things, lol.
Dexter looked happy when they showed the twins nominations! Gina's not up, yay! Ha, Dexter immediately turned on Sam for nominating him. Sam's hair looks good tonight. At least Sam stood his ground against him.
Dexter: 'from having ten people put me up to only having four is a big improvement.' There's not ten people in the house anymore, Dexter!
Callum: 'I should have nominated Charlie.' One, you're not allowed to say that, and two, bullshit! That's hurt feelings talking.
Callum vs Dexter in the kitchen. Dexter's disappointed that they didn't show him saying 'Callum has got eyes like a serial killer.' Ha. Callum's face DOES look scary sometimes!
They better show Callum falling backwards through a door on this last bit of show.
Callum: 'Five words. I'm there, I know now.' Hands up if you think he's 'there'. Sam: 'she backstabbed you.' Why is Sam so red in the face?
Callum has got soooooo little awareness of how he actually is, it's unreal, and in more ways than one. He's talking to Sam in the most patronising tone I've ever heard. He's deaf, not a fucking child.
Did Dexter REALLY just say the word 'journey' again TWICE? Every time Dexter says journey I'm going to vote for Gina in the final.
Dexter 'lost his girlfriend because of Charlie.' No. You lost your girlfriend because you're a cock.
I didn't realise Sophie and Sam were sitting so close when Charlie and Callum had this highly disturbing half hour conversation.
Charlie is such a shady cow. Seriously, this bitch got no nominations after the way she behaves. She's abusive, just like he is. She's a wrong 'un because she pretends to be 'a nice person.'
Charlie: 'You've lost your biggest fan.' Callum is Charlie's biggest fan like Stan is Eminem's biggest fan. Callum is being creepy and psychotic here and what they showed there was a mere sliver of how that conversation was actually run; like a hostage situation. If Callum doesn't leave her alone after this, he's really a lost cause.
Good news for Hazel; they decided to barely show her at all on the highlights tonight. Keep your head down and your mouth shut and let Callum and the twins keep digging...