Big Brother 2013 final: The journey ends here

Just rang up for Dexter three times from my mobile and three times from my burger phone. My boyfriend bet on Dexter at 25/1 when he was drunk (my boyfriend) and his name was dirt (Dexter). He gets £500 if Dexter wins! That's not why I want Dexter to win, btw. But it's an added reason! Because it will keep me in finery! 

Where's Sallie! Probably in the tattoo removal parlour. You think Michael would have shown his moley face. I hate his attitude towards the show, and yes, I know he's an ACTOR. I just think he's a DICK, too. Or perhaps he was just playing a dick? No, he was a dick. It would have been cute for him to show up and they could have slipped him a few quid. He just thinks he's above it all. Well guess what, Michael. The crew still saw you on the toilet. Eat that. No, don't eat it. 

Oh, Charlie, stop trying to fuck with Dexter's head on his LAST DAY. 

Ha, they are showing this bit where Sam kind of confessed he loved Gina. It was VERY interesting on the live feed last night. They've not mentioned it, but he was off his face. Loving Gina without her hair extensions! She looks cute. Why is Gina saying 'we might not see each other again' after tomorrow? Because her boyfriend won't let her? She actually dealt with him quite nicely on the live feed. To be fair, he was so sick, he was throwing up. I think he was trying to pay her a compliment. It just went a bit wrong. People going 'he's a game player' because of that are out of their minds. It was probably his most honest and interesting moment.

Slide show! They've really pushed the boat out. Can't they show them some clips instead? UGH, there's moley Michael. 

Oh God, they're kicking someone out already. Please let it be Charlie or Sam (or the twins, to be honest). Gina's roots look a bit orange. If I went to the hairdresser and came out with roots like that I would be BATHING in purple toner. Who did their hair? Is Lee Stafford to blame? Surely not. He has a good range of products for blondes (sponsor my podcast if you like, Lee).Couldn't someone have sorted Charlie's two tone disaster out? It's begging to be one colour! 

Ha, were they chanting 'get Charlie out'! In the final! Cruel. And she's out. Oh I think she HAS had her hair done. But it looks the same?!

Charlie, it was NOT a love triangle. I hate the fact she's slating Dexter at the last minute. Maybe she is right about Dexter, though. I mean, artificial insemination? Maybe he IS gay. Who cares, though! Dexter is entertainmentz. Dexter is Exitainmentz! 

Get off the stage, Charlie. You're boring. Charlie wants to see Sam win. Zzzz. How can she say that when she's spent every second with Dexter lately?! Did Dexter say Charlie was 'stylish' in that clip? That's the funniest thing I've heard all night.

Gina and the twins wedged on that little sofa. LOL.

Oh God, next one out! Jack and Joe! Yes! They didn't look shocked. That cunt crowd shouting 'Get Dexter out.' Boooooo! 

Gina looks like she's pissed herself. She's got a massive stain up the back of her dress. Jack and Joe's pointing pose was the lols. 'You raise me up'? I thought they asked for Jessie J's 'Wild'! (However that goes). Sack someone!  

I just accidentally voted for Dexter another three times. I want him to win it so much! He's clicking his pen, bless him. Hold on, why has Dexter got a pen in there? You're not allowed pens in Big Brother! Gameplanner, etc. Oh, someone said it's a keyring. 

I am sooooooo peed off they're putting on this dome jizz in the middle of BB, even if it does have Hank in it. I do want to watch that show but NOT tonight. I want to watch the BB final and not go to bed at 1am! 

I have warmed to the twins... oh, until they started slagging off Dexter. They've gone all sassy! Boo. I was right about them all along. Not liking 'deep conversations' is PATHETIC. Charlie's conversations are not deep, though. They're just drivel. 

The twins slag off Dexter AGAIN! They are so bugging! Lower your tone and strengthen your comedy routine. It needs a LOT of work. At least they didn't mention food in their interview, or did they? 

HA, Emma saying 'they are really nice boys.' Put a sock in it, Emma. 

None of the three finalists sitting together! Shocking. Can't believe the negative chants for Dexter. Arseholes.

OM-Gina! Gina is third! Gina didn't look shocked to leave, either. It was Hazel that did for her and it serves her right. Calling Hazel a 'whore' was the last straw. She was swanning round like she owns the place. Gina is getting boos, too. 

Gina was so lucky to survive that first week. Ha, Emma mentioned her washing up a cup. I'm glad Gina didn't win. But I wish she'd come second. She deserves it over Sam and then some. Still slating Hazel! Tragic. I hope Hazel gives her a slap at the after party. You could have been one of the best winners, ever, Gina.  

I can't see Dexter and Sam holding hands in the final minutes, can you? 

Ha, Gina 'everyone knew' about Sam saying he had a crush on her. I thought she was quite dismissive of him.

I think it's so cruel to make Sam and Dexter sit there waiting for an hour whilst they show some Stephen King drama. It's like putting on the Langoliers in the middle of a football match. I mean, I will watch the show, but I'm not going to be forced to watch it now. Motherfuckers. 

God, we really need this £500, you know, we're brass. (Notice I've claimed half already) If Sam wins, I'm probably going to cry.

Honestly, it is virtually IMPOSSIBLE trying to avoid spoilers! So many people are going to have this ruined for them. I think it's especially ironic after a couple of years ago they dumped the live feed and said people preferred to get updates via social media. Well if people prefer to get updates via social media tonight then the show is going to be ruined for them. It shows a complete lack of respect for the fans and for the show. I find it offensive. Also, by the time they get on BOTS they'll have been chilling for half an hour. I prefer my housemates like rabbits in the headlights, don't know about you.

And we're back. I've got a really bad feeling about this. Really bad. As they say in the Big Brother house, I'm not gonna lie. I'm shitting myself. The public have made the wrong decision so many times. Denise. Ulrika. Paddy. And that's just the celeb series. 

I can't believe they're plugging their hashtag. Arseholes! Do not type that hashtag into Twitter. I bet literally thousands of people were spoilerised tonight. Thanks C5. It's a shame as it's been a great series, and it's a cheap and tacky way to end it.

Dexter vs Sam. Damn. Why do I feel like I'm going to be saying that in a minute?

I feel sick. Dexter's not got his Tuco shoes on. Boo! They both look like they're gonna crap themselves. 

Oh no. Oh no, Sam did it. FUCK! I'm so sad. I am seriously so sad. And not just about the money. It's just an injustice. 

Aw, Dexter was too cute going 'thank you so much.' The twins sour faces! Fuck them. I wonder how close it was. Ha to people going ssssssss at Dexter.

Look at the way he's sitting in that chair. Such a badass. This is SUCH a disappointment. Probably the most disappointing winner ever. 

We missed out on Dexter's face. I missed out on champagne. This is just the worst. My boyfriend is going to kick something! So much for the journey! Dexter missed his stop. 

I feel like I'm going to puke. I honestly don't want to watch this. Sucks soooooo bad. I don't know how Emma can maintain the rictus grin. 

I can't even understand what he's fucking SAYING! Did Sam's rubbish jokes win it for him? Or was it his casual sexism? They didn't mention Jemima in his interview, I notice. 

I just broke the news to my boyfriend over the phone that he lost his bet. His response? 'We'll have to go and do some crime instead.' I actually cried as I was telling him. So close. Sooooo close. That was like telling him someone had died. Someone we weren't that close to, but even so. 

I'm going to think of Sam when on my days off this week and I'm drinking own brand redbull and Glenn's vodka instead of CHAMPAGNE. You BASTARD! 

PS: No podcast tonight as he's working, but we'll do a sad little wrap up along with the CBB launch show. See you then! It's been emotional. 

Big Brother 2013: I thought you were obnoxious and really strange

It's almost over! WHY is it ending on a Monday? I don't even get paid until Tuesday so I can't even have a drink when I watch it ON MY OWN because my boyfriend is working. Boo to the schedulers.
Why do all these girls go to bed with their make up on! I know they're on telly but your skin! No wonder Gina's got bad skin. I go to sleep with my make up one when I'm drunk, don't get me wrong. Ah, then Gina wakes up and trowels more on. Can you imagine sleeping with her? You'd be covered in it.
I wish Dexter would STFU about Charlie, but it's a bit late now. I know it hurts his game, I only hope it's not fatal.
Press conference! I'm glad Sophie's gone so we don't have to listen to her try and justify her existence here.
Charlie, you don't KNOW YOURSELF™. And we don't want to know you.
Dexter: that spot! Comb your fringe down, for God's sake.
Did you know Sam was deaf? He's never mentioned it!
Why is Dexter reading off a card? Journey, journey, journey. Dear Lord. Is he doing a poem? Christ.
Twins are doing a good strategic speech saying others deserve to win over them. I could actually see them coming third.
Ha, I liked the questions from 'viewers'. Charlie got put on the spot!
Ha to Vanessa calling Sam boring! How can he not know who Vanessa Feltz is? She's a Big Brother legend.
LOL to Dexter telling John McCruick he's had his day. So true!
Ha, Gina getting all uppity and posh when she was put on the spot by Judy James. Hilarious. She did NOT like that.
That's cool they've got the ex housemates asking questions, that's what they do on BBUS.
Why is Dan setting Dexter up with that question! What does Dexter need to be honest about? That makes it sound like he's got something to hide! Boo, Dan.
Why was Gina squinting at Hazel when she came on the screen? It's not about you, Gina! I like Hazel's new dark hair.
I'm glad Big Brother asked 'is there anything wrong with playing a game?' It's HARD to play a game for ten weeks, so Dexter should be commended.
I like Dexter's curly fringe he's done to cover up his spot for the evening meal! Inventive. I love Dexter's little red jacket. Gina approves of the posh tablewear.
Burping at the dinner table! That's a no no.
These schmaltzy questions are annoying. Gina to Dexter: 'I thought you were obnoxious and really strange.' Ha.
Sam's even admitting he spent half his game in bed. NOT a worthy winner. I'd like to see him out second (after Charlie) tomorrow, then twins, then Gina, then Dexter.
I don't think I've ever heard housemates say they want to stay in the house before; they're normally climbing the walls to get out.
Not more bloody messages from home! Zzzzz. I'm a soppy sod, but still.
No more watching twins in the pool! Shame.
Charlie is ALL OVER Dexter tonight! Is she drunk? Oh God, not more 'boxes' talk. The Weetos are getting good product placement here. God, poor Charlie, from Callum chewing her ear off to Dexter chewing her ear off. Not that she seems to mind.
What's with the plinkety piano music? It's like when they have children with degenerative diseases on an episode of Jeremy Kyle.
I like it when we hear the voices, but it's better to do it AFTER the final. It aint over yet! Aw, it was kind of sad, though.
PLEASE vote for Dexter to win. His face will be worth the 35p.

Big Brother 2013: Adapted by aliens

I'm glad Sophie went, as she gave nothing, and I'm disappointed that no one mentioned her toadying to Gina in any of the interviews. She seemed so awkward and uncomfortable on BOTS! I still don't get how she went, though. Who voted for her?
It's a shame we couldn't get rid of Charlie as well as Sophie as I would have liked to have seen Dexter without her in the last few days. She sucks the life out of him, she's a complete emotional vampire.
Gina has been 'adapted by aliens'. If only.
Dexter's chains and boxes analogy is so turgid. What's in your box, Dexter? It's probably the penny.
Why does Gina paint her face white? I bet she'd look really stunning with the right colour foundation on. Instead she looks waxy.
Genie task. I guess we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel now. Oh God, Charlie's got her top off. Groo.
Dexter and Gina singing I Will Survive. TV joy. I love them together!
Why is Dexter so sure Charlie's going home? Ah, now he's banging on about his journey in the Diary Room. Yawn.
I don't remember seeing Charlie in her bikini before. She's got a nice body, but somehow she's completely sexless. Imagine what she'd be like after sex. I bet she cries.
Oh, Dexter, get a grip. Stop actressing! I think being in the house does mean a lot to him, though. His life must be really terrible if he feels safer being in that bubble.
I don't even get why Sophie got boos. She's so dull I couldn't even be bothered to waste my breath.
Charlie's lipstick and lip liner looks more befitting to someone her mother's age. This girl is harder to get rid of than a yeast infection.
I HATE it when they go 'it's me' when they're waiting to be evicted. So bugging.
I liked the twins reaction to Sophie going. They have been making me laugh recently! There you go. I said it.
Why does Sam think it's 'unbelievable' that Sophie's gone? He's been trying to get rid of her for weeks.
Gina's not happy and I bet she's going to take it out on Charlie. I wish Charlie would shut up. I can't wait until I don't have to hear her voice again.
Everyone: 'Dexter is playing a game.' Yes, it's called Big Brother. Why doesn't someone else try it?
I hate the way Charlie treats Dexter. She's a proper mind game player. She's so manipulative and emotionally abusive! I can't bear it. 'You eyes are like two brown coins'. That's such a nasty thing to say to someone! What a bitch!
Dexter, wake up, you're never going to be with her, and for that you should be SO grateful. She's psychotic.
Oh, Sam, stop digging at Dexter. It's not your best look. Sam: 'Be more wary of Dexter.' She couldn't BE more wary of Dexter!
Gina is right in what she's saying to Dexter. He is being stupid, but to be fair, he's getting really mixed messages. Gina does well to showcase her kind side. Shame we know her bad side only too well now.
Ha, Dexter's telling Charlie basically what Gina said to him word for word. OMG what is Dexter saying? He wants to be with Charlie so much that he doesn't mind having a sexless marriage?! What is he talking about! Gina and Sam laughing at that was hilarious.
Charlie, you can't be best friends with a guy who's madly in love with you, it doesn't work like that. Gina is right, she does enjoy the attention.
I want to see Gina in a pair of jeans or a pair of jogging bottoms! Even her nightie is like evening wear.
'I truly love you, Charlie Travers' was so funny. Wish Sam and Gina has been in the treehouse for that bit.
Oh Dexter. As you said yourself, that's the way it goes... but sometimes it goes the other way, too.

Big Brother 2013: Yous have been evicted

I've heard Sam's favourite to go because Dexter fans have rallied against him! I don't believe it, though. I would actually like to see Sam go the least out of who's up tonight. But I don't really mind who goes. I'd be glad to see the back of any of them.
Hold on, Charlie's talking; now I want to evict her! Hold on, Sophie's talking, now I want to evict her! And so on. If you want to go home, there's the door(s). There's only a week to go, get a grip.
I don't think we should resent Sam for standing up to Dexter; I think we should admire him finding a voice at last!
Sam: 'If Dexter comes to me I'm going to take my hearing aid out.' Cool.
Charlie's got Freddie Krueger's hat on today. One, two, Dexter's coming for you...
Gina being shocked at the way Sam spoke to Dexter. Ha. That's rich!
Gina: 'You can get a train all the way to Manchester.' Seriously, who is she trying to kid? No one is this stupid. No one.
Gina's BFF task. Gina's hair looks like a sheep today. Gina telling Charlie she deserves to go, ha.
Charlie talking... 'Big Brother is bored.' Quite.
I liked the way one twin stuck up for the other one in the fake argument. Gina's acting is crap.
Gina, pointing is rude. But it's not the rudest thing she's ever done in the house. RUDE. ARROGANT. DISRESPECTFUL. etc. This is a bit unfair on the twins. Oh, well. They've had it their way for long enough.
Gina saying she thinks Charlie should leave! LOL. Don't take it personally, though, Charlie, ha. I couldn't agree more with what Gina's saying. 'You just go on and on and on.' No shit. Gina enjoyed saying that shit to Charlie. Full stop.
Things Sophie's done this episode: cried, cowered behind a compact, bitten her nails.
Gina's a better rapper than her boyfriend, anyway. I'm surprised she didn't rhyme 'Zeo' with 'Koh'.
Sophie looks nice tonight. Twins got booed, lol. I can't hate them like I used to, though. One is orange tonight.
I don't feel tense tonight because I don't care who goes. Twins safe and I don't even resent them for it. They've done more than Sam and Sophie. These three up now are float city.
I like Sam's jokes! I can't help it.
How come Joe's allowed to say he wants the money and it's all laughs? When Dexter doesn't, it's all grrs.
Jack and Joe pool times continue! Ha, twins did get booed. 'We're going in circles.' he says, before swimming in circles. You'll miss this sort of entertainment.
I like those jeans on Charlie, I've never seen her wear those before. Why has she got a zip under her boob? Is she breastfeeding? I don't like her saying she wants to leave! Reverse psychology.
Sophie getting booed, lol. OMG, it was Sophie evicted. Wow! Oh, Dexter! Good work, ha.
I'm surprised Sophie got evicted over Charlie. But then she is a toady. I really like her dress but I don't like her wedges. I HATE WEDGES.
Emma: 'Dexter sacrificed Sophie to save himself.' It's not like he had a choice in the matter.
Emma to Sophie: 'What have you done?' Yeah, what HAVE you done? Fuck all.
Bet they mention Sophie 'coming out of her shell'. How long does it take for a thick girl to come out of her shell? Nine weeks, I guess.
This clips package makes Sophie look a lot more interesting than she is. Sophie's interview is dull as hell, too.
The crowd are booing Gina in Sophie's interview! Ha. It would have been better to lose her on final night and have a two second interview with her. It was nice the way she talked about the twins, though. I saw a more human side to her then.
She looked much nicer when she went in! Mind you, the Big Brother house will do that to you. Dexter FTW! Let's make him click his pen to victory. I wonder if it's one of those with a naked lady in it?

Big Brother 2013: I'll sell my soul, what is it worth?

Twist! Well, I know part of what happens (ie. I know they don't really leave), but didn't watch the video of it as the website crashed. I'm glad I don't know it all, though. No one likes a know it all.
My boyfriend likes it when the twins just endlessly list items of food, so you think he'd be enjoying this task. He doesn't seem to be though. Not the squash! That steamroller guy had a good deadpan expression.
They're getting to the twist bit early! Good. Gina is wearing her 'escort' wear and three inches of foundation.
Sophie: 'I wanna just sit here.' Well, what's new?
I needed my boyfriend to explain this task to me because I couldn't work it out! Ha. Charlie would do well to take the money in this task because she has zero chance of winning.
I love the way Dexter looks today, he's dressed like he's going to work on Wall Street.
Sam must be pretty confident he's going to win, or does he really just want to stay in for the whole show?
Dexter, how much is your journey worth?
Twin: 'I don't want to be seen as the bastard who takes all the money, like last year.' Kudos!
Dexter looked sad when he was the one with the lowest amount. Dexter's crying over getting £88,000! Strategy times.
OMG! Dexter is safe for being the least greedy. How ironic. Ooh, he has to put Gina or Sophie up. Put Gina up! He'll put Sophie up. He did. Hurrah! She deserves to go over him.
I'm so pleased Dexter is safe and I don't give a fuck what any of those weasels thing of him.
Shut up, Sam! Of course Dexter's a game player. That's why he's been so entertaining and you HAVE NOT.
I love the way Dexter sits in the Diary Room chair. I love the faces he pulls. His little finger is more entertaining than any of the others, except Gina, and Gina's blown it.
Who cares if Dexter DID want the money?! Maybe he thought his journey WAS worth £88,000. What right to they have to dig him out about it? Dexter: 'I nearly picked the pound.' Ha.
Honestly, you'd think the money was already Sam's the way he's going on. 'Makes me sick he's in the final.' 'What?' 'Never mind.' Yeah, never mind, boyo.
Dexter and Gina DESERVE to be in the final, because they've worked the hardest. Even Gina, as odious as she's been, deserves it over most of these others, because she was an underdog who fought her way to the top. It's just now she's at the top she's gone power mad.
Dexter just said the immortal words: 'If it's your time to go, it's your time to go.'
Gina's happy because he saved her. Sophie: 'That's not going to look good on him.' Oh, shut it. Who gives a fuck what you think? She's right though, it wasn't the least greedy who won it, haha.
I don't see what the others are all bothered about, unless they think they're going to win it?
I love the way Dexter's mind works! He's ALWAYS got his eye on the pound note. Always. He's running rings round these people.
Twin: 'I will boo if Dexter wins.' Shut it, fatty. I'd rather watch Dexter swanning round in his filthy onesie than you wallowing in the pool like a walrus.
Sam calling people a game player is a joke; he's floated under the radar for two months and finally pipes up in the last week or so. It's like Claire from Steps moaning at Speidi for being a game player. It's called BEING ENTERTAINING.
Dexter: 'There's more to life than zeros and noughts.'
Sam is REALLY mad. I think he knows Dexter's got it in the bag and he's twitching about it. That bellend line was alright, though. Sam is funny. But he thinks he's got some divine right to win.
It's not 'come a chameleon', twins. They're a one to talk about acting! Their whole stay in the house has been one fucking act.
Is no one happy that Dexter's got to the final (except Gina?) You think they'd be happy the money is still there, at least.
Ha, Dexter just said pretty much what I said about Sam. He should have said that direct to Sam! Love the fact he mentioned the inappropriate sexual puns, too. Dexter WOULD have given you some money towards disabilities, Sam. But not now. No, the deaf will suffer because of you. He's right about Sam not being entertaining too. He's right about everything here, actually.
I don't care who goes this week out of this lot. I'll actually save myself this money because I'm not going to vote, evict all five of them on Friday as far as I'm concerned.
Dexter FTW!