Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Celebrity Big Brother Redux 2014: You're emotionally bent

Interesting the way Kellie talks about 'Frank' as if he's a separate person, isn't he? I find it fascinating. 'I've won and I've lost.' It's really emotive, but it doesn't feel like an act when she talks about it. Dee seems genuine and warm, too. She seems genuinely interested in what Kellie has to say.
Gary is giving a very heartfelt speech in the Diary Room, saying he loves everyone and his experience was 'set up by the angels'. Let's see how long that lasts. I hate this James guy, he's coming across like a mighty prick.
I wish they'd get a clue that this Duchess thing is not necessary and give it a rest. I find it so boring, when the dynamic is already really interesting, it actually puts a spanner in the works.
I'm not finding the highlights clips very interesting so far, is this the best they've got? Gary in a wig, Audley talking about his childhood, I'm sure it must have been more interesting than this yesterday. Even this crystal meth chat feels quite dull.
They're talking about Gary being mean but I've not seen him being mean. Gary on death: 'Don't expect a tragedy here'. He's the king of the acronym. I like his tall stories and his spiritual nonsense. It beats Mark's tea leaves.
What's the deal with this James guy? Methinks he's after some air time! It wouldn't take a genius to work our who the star of the show is, and it's not his boring arse.
The Duchess crap is finally over. Well done, you fooled two old age pensioners and one loopy French woman. Gary doesn't have a clue what day of the week it is, bless him.
I love the way Kellie talks about her kids! It's really loving. Everyone has treated her really respectfully, too.
Oh here we go. OK, I've watched this twice to make sure I've made sense of what happens. Gary to James: 'You are gay, aren't you?' It's a fairly innocent question, as James is a professional dancer, and a gay friend of mine thought he was gay, too (yes I have gay friends. Just like James does, ha.) James's instant reaction to that was 'fuck off.' Not, 'oh a lot of people say that.' 'Not, no, I'm straight actually.' But 'fuck off.' As if being gay is really offensive. So let's put the next part of the conversation into context. James is so fucking patronising. 'I have gay friends.'
Gary: 'So you're not afraid to get butt-fucked in the air?' Ok, I think Gary WAS joking, but I think he WAS trying to wind James up, too. 
'I've never hit a 70 year old before.' Charming. He didn't like that buttfuck comment, did he, not at ALL! What James said was very threatening.
James: 'I don't mind a cheeky little finger.' OK then. So straight people are allowed to do that, but no butt-fucking?
James: 'When I'm talking, you listen. Look at me when I'm taking to you.'
Gary: 'You do get buttfucked in your imagination.' 
James: 'You should be careful what you say.' That was a direct threat. Gary: 'You should be careful what you take seriously.'
Gary is mental, contradicts himself ALL the time! But I like him. He's the best one. I THINK Gary was joking, he just said it very dryly. Lauren actually defended Gary then, yay: 'that's what Gary's like.' I like Gary saying he couldn't remember what he said, but apologising for it anyway.
It was a good point Gary made when David said 'kiss and make up' James didn't take it seriously, but it was a similar sort of comment.
James is a nasty piece of work, a wrong 'un and a potential closet case. He revealed more about himself in that conversation than Gary ever has.
Buttfucking isn't gay or straight, anyway! Buttfucking is multi-purpose. This apology is hilarious. I love Gary saying 'you're emotionally bent.' There's nothing wrong with taking it up the arse, James. Relax! Gary: 'I didn't know your routine of negativity and restriction.' OMG brilliant! I missed that the first time. Gary is a dry fucker. I'm starting to think he created this whole situation to make James look like a total prick and it worked well. James: 'We don't say things like that in this country.' Don't speak for a country, you twat! Gary can say whatever the fuck he wants (within Big Brother's rules, ha.) Gary is so magnanimous in the face of this super douchery. That whole scene and the bit outside is worth watching twice, it really is.
Not even worth mentioning Ricci and Tornado in the tree house or whatever the fuck it's called. I can't even bear looking at that Ricci's face. These people are amoebas.
Dee thinks Gary is interesting. I like Dee, she seems sound. 'I came in not once, but twice.' I loved it when she said Kellie looked gorgeous and it doesn't take much to sit and listen to someone. Too true.
Why is Stephanie bagging on her fellow American?
Why is James still banging on about James! 'Look at me when I'm talking to you.' No, you're not very interesting AT ALL. This guy is so pompous.
Something sad about Gary saying 'there's a great party atmosphere' while sitting on his own in the garden.
Stephanie: 'Who would you rather have kill you, David or Gary?' Bit of a strange question. That's the Pratt lineage for you.
This rock paper scissors 'game' is making me feel very uneasy. They're trying to wind Gary up and I don't like it. It feels like they're all laughing at him! He's an old man, FFS, let him sleep. I hate these people. Except Gary. And George. And Leslie. And Dee.

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Celebrity Big Brother 2014 Redux: We're all Royal here

Hiya loves! I enjoyed that live feed last night. An hour of Gary Busey going 'what?' and genuinely enjoyable. More please!
Recap times! I like seeing some of the bits you don't get to see but there's just too much we've already seen.
Oh so Dee's task was for the food budget after all. Yawn! David: 'It's not hard to trick Americans' in front of Stephanie. Rude! He's not exactly Stephen Hawkins himself.
So I'm seeing a picture of Gary and Frenchy together and it says they dated for two years; and he didn't even recognise her last night! WTF. That can't be possible, can it? Unless she's had so much plastic surgery, she's unrecognisable. It's possible.
Lauren patronising Gary Busey! Wrong! Gary: 'TEAM: Together everyone acheives more'. Brilliant. That's Celebrity rehab talk for you. George: 'I'm on a show where people watch people on TV.' Gary: 'Wow.' Gogglebox sounds like the most English word ever right now. Go-Go box sounds like a fun nightclub.
Edele on Dee: 'She's 21st in line to the throne.' Gary: 'We're all Royal here.' Gary is going to be king of the one liners. Might as well just forget about the other housemates when Gary's in the house. He's making up for ten housemates.
This twist is totally pointless as well, although Dee is dealing with it very well. She's coming across a lot better than I thought she would.I like Kellie and Dee bonding. 'This isn't the worst thing you've had to go through?' That was quite touching. Dee came across quite caring there. It could be gameplay but I like to think not.
I like Leslie, he's a cutie pie. He likes Mike Tindall, lol. Lying about his age, too! I think Kellie was on to him, though.
I think George is going to give good Diary Room. He's a TV critic, basically, so he should do.
Gary and Dee are cracking me up. I love the fact he says everything's an honour. Gary: 'We're going to have some fun.' Don't talk to Gary about rehab! He's written the book. I love Gary. I admit it. Gary to Dee: 'We're going to build you a throne!' He is amazing. I still don't think it's quite right him being there. But he's TV gold. I'm rubber-necking, but it's still gold, like Stephen Baldwin on steroids.
Claire to Frenchy: 'What are you here for?' Frenchy: 'I like to get naked a lot.'
I can't stand Edele. She comes across really cold. Lauren and Ricci are a waste of space, too. I don't like Emmerdale or Tornado either.
Leslie seems VERY smart, except for the Duchess nonsense. Surely he'd know a Duchess would be posher? 'Not ready to vote Gary out yet.' Give it time!
Lauren is such a fish face. What HAS she done to her face?! She makes Amy Childs look natural. Still, I bet she smells like peppermint. A wet arse? I thought the Geordie Shores were the bedwetters. I guess it's going cross-reality now.
I like Dee, she's quite matter of fact. I think she quite suits that outfit. Frenchy: not impressed by hunting. 'Swans are magnificent.' Bless her. I love the French accent. My boyfriend thinks Frenchy knows it's a task. They all seemed to know each other's names, so I wouldn't be surprised.
James: 'What's your favourite movie you've ever been in?' Gary lists ten different films. The spirit of Patrick Swayze came through him. George: unimpressed. James: trying to say sexist things to shock. Oh dear.
I like the way Frenchy says, 'Douchesssss!' That James guy is a dick.
What has Lauren been drinking! She looks hammered! She's making a smashed final two with George. Lauren: 'I wanna be sober now.' George: 'I wanna be as drunk as you.' I'd rather get off with George than Ricci.
Oh god, not the 'we all get along so great' speech. Gimme a break. Give it two days, they'll be tearing each other's throats out.
James has got 'energy envy' about the youngsters. He's not there to necessarily cause any trouble. Just bore us all to death.
We heard Gary talking about having his own double bed on the live feed last night. Oh dear, he's shushing them. I think he's laughing, though. Imagine those teeth glinting at you in the night. I think anyone who takes on Gary though, does so at their peril. I can see him having a lot of public support. I like all the Americans actually. Not much Stephanie Pratt in that episode, though! Spencer must be fuming.

Monday, 18 August 2014

Celebrity Big Brother 2014 Redux: Point Broke

Evening all! Well, so far this year we've had two horrible winners: Jim Davidson and Helen, if you need reminding. So we're now looking to make it the hat trick. Put everything you own on whoever has the worst odds; or whoever's on Richard Desmond's payroll, or whoever it's fixed for this time. Basically, the biggest twat.
Hold up, where's Super Cassandra! I like Emma Willis's dress. Say no more. She's promising electric shock suits already, brace yourself, they've obviously pushed the boat out.
White Dee in first. Well she's the biggest arsehole so far, but she is first in. Still. She's moaning about editing on Benefits Street, wait until she gets on Big Brother. I didn't watch Benefits Street, because I don't like looking down my nose at poor people. I just like looking down my nose in general at people. She's got some big boobies on her. She seems like she's going to be the new Pauline, maybe? So the 'celebs' have got a new comfy sofa, still looks quite cheap, though.
Next in is someone from Strictly Come Dancing, James, so only your mum will recognise him. Commence the clapping. He doesn't like cooking. He looks like Benedict in that flat cap. Nail down the chairs. 'I've been on Imodium all day.' Lovely. His girlfriend looks pretty. Dee knew his name! I hate it when they all know who's going in. She seemed quite warm with him. I think she could go either way; be a nightmare or be alright.
Next in, someone from Emmerdale, Claire. Just what we don't need, a new Tricia Penrose. This is like a mum's edition of Big Brother. It's like Gillian Taylforth but they couldn't afford her. 'Ey up.' She's got huge boobs, too.
Next in is Kelly Brook's bit of stuff, David. Didn't he crash a van full of badgers?! He's even admitting it. Ha. Why was he driving a van full of dead badgers anyway? Is he some sort of professional badger botherer? The crowd are booing him and I'm not sure why, but he does seem annoying. Kelly Brook is too nice for him.
Oh dear Lord, not a twist already. They are setting Dee up, making her become royal. Give her the crown, and evict her already. She has to fool the Americans that she's a Duchess. That means they'll be American or foreign then. Good! I'm fed up with these English no-marks.
Oh, this is going to be interesting. Kellie used to be Frank, a boxing promoter. Transgender people normally do well on Big Brother. Nadia, Luke A, Lauren Harries. Kellie will be an interesting character, either herself, or in the way people react to her and reveal themselves.
Audley Harrison is actually famous! My brother used to have a friend called Lee Harrison and we used to call him 'Old Lee Harrison.' Here's hoping he's not another Evander Holyfield. Does he know Kellie? He's mentioning 'ground rules'. I hope he's not going to be the new Vinnie Jones.
Audley does know Kellie! 'Do I have to call you Kellie?' 'If you want to get paid for your next fight.' This is going to be an interesting dynamic that could make or break either of them.
Next in Lauren Goodier. According to my boyfriend, the fat one, but not the fat, fat one. Charming! So tired of the Towies. She's wearing a mint coloured jumpsuit. Not sure that's the right look for her. I think she's got a wedgie.
GOGGLEBOX! George FTW. He's one of the worst people off Gogglebox, but still, Gogglebox! He's worried women have an ulterior motive because he's on Gogglebox. How much money do you get off being on fucking Gogglebox?! I can't stop saying Gogglebox. Send in Sandra! Send in the poshos! Will people on Gogglebox be watching this? It's a shame it's not on at the moment. I like the way he poured that drink, like it was the last drink he was ever going to drink.
Next in Edele from Bewitched. No, I'm not writing the asterisk. She can't even spell her own name. She likes being honest. This is from the 'say it to your face' school of Big Brother bullshit. I think she might be the biggest arsehole in Bewitched, and that's saying something. 'Do you do eyelashes?' Weird way to say hello. They are all standing round very awkwardly! The crowd don't look too cheerful either. I think Helen has worn us all down.
In next is Ricci from Geordie Shore. No, me neither. Another spelling that's going to get on my tits. The Geordie Shore people are cheap and unimaginative. Even cheaper than TOWIE wankers.
Next is Stephanie Pratt. I did watch The Hills, but obviously not Made in Chelsea. I liked her on The Hills. Her face looks different, though. What could have happened? Spencer got her on the show, haha. She looks weirdly like Heidi in a way. That's not creepy, is it?!
Where the fuck is Paul Daniels and the lovely Debbie McGee?
Remember when Germaine Greer had to wait on Jade Goody? That didn't work out so well, did it? Can't see this Dee thing going much better.
Next in is some old fella off Will and Grace, Leslie. Even if Will or Grace went in I wouldn't recognise them. He has been told 'you have to have strategy'. Don't worry, you don't. Oh my God, he's tiny. He's like a mini Christopher Biggins. He could be funny, you know. I like him!
Next up is some French woman off Rock of Love, Frenchy. That's a bit niche. She loves pink and she looks like someone you see in an 80s porno. You kind of hope that women who look like that don't exist anymore but then you see they do. 'Obviously I like cock.' Obviously. She likes guys who are 18-23 with big willies. That's a specific market. Is she old? I can't tell.
Gary Busey! Point Break! Celebrity Rehab! He was a legend on there. That's good that he's got sober, though. He looks a fucking state though! I liked his speech before he entered the house. 'It's an honour be here.' OK. Emma is having to help Gary into the house! Three questions! Haha! What were the three questions. He thought Audley's name was Orgy. Frenchie knows him! She said her name was Angelique. Oh God, this isn't right. He can't understand anything anyone's saying. This is taking awkward to a new level.
White Dee is going back in as Duchess Deirdre. Is that the poshest name they could think of? I think Claire is blowing this twist already. The twist was so overblown and then they spent two seconds on it. I don't think Dee's heart is in it. I can't get over Gary Busey. I actually can't get over it. Dear God. God help us all. Come back Helen, all is forgiven.

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Big Brother 2014: (This series was not) Absolutely fantastic

What's the opposite of 'absolutely fantastic'? Big Brother 2014. It was the series that almost killed my blog; and I blame Helen. No, I don't, I blame the production. Never has more of a mess been made of things, and never have viewers been more insulted. And we saw Conor walk out of there with a bag full of swag. And still that wasn't as much of an insult as this sham of a series. Quite something, isn't it?
This will be the last blog I do about Big Brother 2014, but I'll be back yapping for CBB next week and hoping it's more of a Lee Ryan taps-on affair than a Abz swan-apple yawnathon (no offence to Abz or his lovely swan apple).
If you've been listening to our podcast you'll be in the loop with my feelings on the season, but this week in particular it has felt like Big Brother is determined to edit Ashleigh in a bad light and Helen positively. Do they think we can't see through it? Ashleigh isn't MY winner, but she deserves it a damn sight more than raging nutcase alwaysintheright Helen. Helen has nor redeemed herself. You can't be one way for two months then another for ten minutes and fool people. You just can't.
Christopher was my winner for the past two weeks or so for being generally a sweet soul, but the constant interference even destroyed that for me last night, when Chris spinelessly saved pointless Pav over Chris. The fact ANYONE is still eating up that journey bullshit is CRIMINAL. Pav has barely been to the shops and back. Chris has been living in fear of Helen for two plus months, his only salvation in a packet of Golden Virginia. Let's get the 'journeys' into perspective, and then never say the word journey again.
This is a series so horrendously bad that Ash; a man who cheerfully said 'I'd hate to go out with a girl who's a slut', called a woman a 'maggot' to her face and said 'put some of the water back in the pool' (behind her back) when the same woman (Slugsworth, if you must know) was trying to enjoy herself, is now some sort of hero. Like some kind of potential winner, just because he says 'absolutely fantastic' in a funny voice (admittedly, it is genius). Meanwhile, dumbo Winston got Tamara foisted back on him, and Mark and his LIES spectacularly unravelled, leaving him to hang up his eyebrows on the back of the Diary Room door, a bit like Daley had to do last year with Hazel's salmon pink hoodie.
The series is a MESS. The only thing the shit-for-brains producers have stuck to is doggedly refusing to take Helen's pass of her, despite her temper tantrums, cruelness and general bullying (yeah I said it) and undoubtedly, viewers switching off in droves.
Anyway, tonight's show is just Ashleigh getting stitched up, and Chris cringing. Helen can't even explode with Chris there, they are too mismatched a pairing. It's no good having a secret room unless the people collude. It's not exactly Gina and Dexter, is it?
Helen's keeping her enormous gob shut for once - she's no fool, she's got her eyes on the prize (t.m. Pav's mum, but not quite) and she's not going to blow it now. Well, not until she had a can of whisky, anyway.
So now they're doing a task making Ashleigh and Pav insufferable. The old Dustin treatment, hey! They must think we were BORN YESTERDAY. Yet some people are, and will probably fall for it. Sigh.
I kind of feel sorry for Helen having no one to bitch with in that room. She can't call Ashleigh a cunt to Chris, so she just has to simmer to herself. Quite funny when you think about it. The long and short of this is Chris has got live feed, and not one other thing to do in that room, and even HE can't be bothered to watch it. Are Big Brother trying to make a point or what, lol. Don't worry, I won't start going on about outside contact. 
Hmm, this is quite a boring episode, isn't it, I should have done last night. Watching people watching TV, it's like Gogglebox without the laughs, or Beavis and Butthead without the music videos. Last night had two fake evictions, Iris doing the zingbot voice and Ash as a psychologist. And for all the jokes on Twitter about Helen, that picture DID look like a dick that was split in half!
The fake interview section was quite boring, with Pav saying he wants to earn £10K a month and live in a mansion. I think Chris's questions were the problem. Is it a fact the egg came before the chicken? No it is not. He's like the Richard Dawkins of the chicken/egg conundrum. Chris is being a bit of a party pooper tonight.
Why is Helen crying in the Diary Room? Why isn't she going mad over Ashleigh? Why is Chris always trying to cuddle her? Why oh why oh why.
Now, let's see who looks GENUINELY happy when Chris and Helen return! Ash thinks it's fantastic, but not absolutely fantastic, which just isn't good enough. They all actually look quite happy. Chris is REALLY happy to see other people again! Not exactly fight night, is it?
Ash: 'I thought we'd got rid of them!' and 'what's happening, dragon?' to Helen, lol. Ash has become the king of the one liners. Ash is funnier than Chris, for reals. Shame he's a complete knob, also.
Oh, Helen's going down the sympathy route, rather than down 'put 'em on blast' route. She must think we have short memories, and you know what, she's right. Look how quickly that 'creepy Chris' edit took hold.
Is that Pav's actual necklace, or has he just kept his bling on from the task? Either way, weak gameplay.  Never wear the crown, the HOH robe, or any other regalia. Especially no dictator uniforms.
I'm glad Christopher is feeling guilty for evicting Chris, so he should. You lost my vote, Christmas. As it stands now, Chris is my winner, but I don't really mind who wins out of Chris, Ashleigh or Christopher. If Chris wins, it's a victory for the viewers, as he said what we were thinking (yeah behind people's backs, and so would you, probably). If Christopher wins, it would be a slap in the face to Pauline, Toya and Mark, who made him feel small. If Ashleigh wins, it will drive Helen mad. And that's as good a reason as any. If by some weird reason Ash wins, I wouldn't even begrudge him it. I wouldn't even begrudge Helen as she's at least put the spade work in, in her own sick way. Pav though! That journey! No way, mate. Not on my watch.
Helen, no amount of bitterness towards Ashleigh can win it for you now. So just stop it. Someone on Twitter said to me tonight 'how come when Ashleigh bitches it's OK?' and the answer is, because Ashleigh has not terrorised the house for two months plus. If people think they're in any way similar, they're mad. Ashleigh is a normal girl, Helen has a screw loose. I like certain sides to Helen, but she's a loose cannon and needs a good couple of years of therapy. Ashleigh is perfectly sane and has been quite patient, if anything.
Helen is desperately jealous of Ashleigh, and Ashleigh has the effortless respect of the men in the house. Ash is Helen's 'best friend/sidekick' and he takes the mick out of her all the time. Plus his mum will ground him if he tries to hang out with Helen in the outside world.
Ash just did a toast that included not one but TWO (count them) 'fantastics'. Bit of a waste of wine, though.
So that's it from me! I'm off to Sweden for a wedding at 7am on Friday morning so I'll be avoiding spoilers (can't imagine the Big Brother winner is front page news in Sweden) and catching up when I get back on Sunday.
We WILL be doing a wrap up podcast, so do give us a listen if you like that sort of thing. I do it with my boyfriend James and he's funnier than me, which is annoying. And check out Big Brother US if you love Big Brother in general. It's great fun and we podcast that, too.
See you for Celebrity Big Brother on Monday and thanks for reading. I really appreciate the hardcore gang of us left clinging on, and the bitching on Twitter has been very enjoyable, funny and imaginative, unlike this series of Big Brother. You're all absolutely fantastic.

Friday, 25 July 2014

Big Brother 2014: S.T.E.V.E.N.P.U.S.H.O.F.F

I haven't written a blog since I was called shallow and illiterate - too busy crying. Not really, I've been wondering how they're gonna fix Big Brother next. At least I predicted it in my last blog; we were enjoying the show too much; they had to ruin it again, by putting the favourite up. And the most scary part was, Steven could have been saved from the block with that stupid twist. That could have actually happened. Scary, isn't it?
Why has Zoe got a hunchback? Perhaps she's growing a tail. New housemates got shafted big time by the old housemates this week; they're not gameplanning, they're just boring. I actually feel a bit sorry for them because they're being ostracised for no reason. Helen's dressed like X Factor US era Cheryl Cole.
They are showing Ashleigh saying she doesn't think she's going! Mixers. It's another few quid in the pocket of Bruv, innit.
The old housemates patronising Pav is quite annoying. I wish Winston would get off his case.
I don't think Chris needs tasks that make him look more creepy. And I don't think Zoe gives many 'lob ons'. Mark is more assaulting Christopher than arousing him.
BBUK housemates are not cut out for endurance. Good to see them strategising already, though. Steven: 'I could stay here all night.' Just like his sex sessions. I see the gunge is back. They must have got a job lot off ebay. But the REAL task is... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Get who out? Sounds like Zoe. Yet she had the fewest votes, WTF. I don't get why Pav is getting booed.
Kimberly is Steve's friends and family now. Tragic. Are they chanting 'cheat' at her? I wish Steven's mum would fuck off. That friends and family section went on for aeons.
Why don't Mark and Steven judge the newbies on face value and not on hearsay?
Mark treats Christopher like a piece of shit. He's like a mini Pauline the way he treats Christopher. His game has gone out the window this week.
Steven it's too late for 'journey' talk. Hit the road. Did Zoe really say she was only fit to talk to celebs? Dearie me. And once she was safe, too!
Are the crowd really chanting 'get Pav out'? But it was Steven! Thank god.
He has to have the eye shut during his interview like a proper hate figure. He looks under the cosh. Of course you don't agree with people putting you up, idiot.
No 30 seconds to say goodbye to Kimberly, boo hoo. Steven didn't look embarrassed about ANY of his highlights. Shameless.
Five people have had sex in the Big Brother house? Is the odd number Kinga?
Emma going on at Steven about the sex. Blah. Ooh, she's mentioning him being controlling, good. And the photos. Steven doesn't get it and will never get it. I honestly think he's unhinged.
Ooh, he's put on a few pounds in the house, hasn't he. No ham on toast in his best bits? Poor cow.
Kimberly nearly got smacked on the head with the eye. Their cuddle was so awkward! Steven wants booze, not robo-fanny. I doubt if his mum will leave his side all night, the interfering old bag.
We have the power to protect a housemate? The REAL task will probably be that they get the boot. This is what happens when you lose the trust of your viewers. That and your ratings go the way of Mark's popularity. Night!

Monday, 21 July 2014

Big Brother 2014: Battle of the blands

Run bilious blog.
Hiya! Thought I'd better do a blog NOT on an eviction night for once. I do feel I've dropped the ball with my blog; but then Big Brother have dropped the ball with these housemates, so I guess it's checkmate. Still: I'll soldier on and just pray for a better series next time, or for someone who gives a shit about Big Brother to buy it. Live feeds don't work? Seem to be working in BBUS just fine. Our BB is so cheap and nasty in comparison, it makes me feel grubby. Also, these new housemates are hopeless. Danielle for them was NOT a good swap. Everyone is so odious at this point that Helen and Ash are looking positively charming. How did THAT happen?!
Some other things: I'm fed up with Chris getting singled out in EVERY SINGLE task. Can you remember the last time Helen got stitched up? That someone saw Helen bitching? No, because it's never happened. Maaaaaaark's game is unraveling fast, and the weaker he gets, the stronger and more sane Christopher seems. He's sweet and charming, and you can't say that for anyone else in the house. He's my pick to win right now.
Ashleigh sold Danielle down the river way too fast for my liking, but it's not like Danielle didn't do it to her as well (letting Helen call Ashleigh a bitch) so I'll call that a draw.
So Kimberly was gone for good (not a great shock there) and they give psycho Steve a PHONE CALL. Why, exactly?! Big Brother is about making people SWEAT about the outside world, not reassuring them, and especially not reassuring this entitled prick. He really does get everything he wants, and I can't bear it. I hope he chokes on his ham and toast. Are we missing Kimberly? No, we are not. Still, an interview with her would be nice. Even ejected housemates get an interview. What gets her off the hook? Hospital? She was in the morgue a couple of weeks ago and still looked lively.
Anyway, onto tonight. Battle of the bands! They did this in BBAU and it was really good. The song they sang was really catchy and got stuck in my head. They spend a few quid on their tasks, though, unlike us. They recorded their vocals and everything. Can't see that happening here.
Did Ash and Helen do more under the covers? I don't know and I'm happy not to know. Let's just use our imagination, or not as the case may be. All the 'jokes' on Twitter about her invoicing Ash etc are absolutely pathetic (as opposed to absolutely fantastic) by the way. But we do love to slut shame, don't we. People just cannot resist it. Ash and Helen are well matched; I just don't have much confidence in him to stick by her (even as a friend) once his mum has her say.
Mark not choosing Christopher for his team! What a prick. Mark's treatment of Christopher is really poor. And Christopher's little face, too. Aw.  
So it's Florence and the (Dialysis) Machine vs The Killers. How can people not know how Mr Brightside goes? Animals! Dear God, I hate Zoe. She loves herself SO much! She's super bossy, too. It's like doing karaoke with someone who can actually sing. Annoying. It reminds me of when Rex's girlfriend came in and did Thriller. That's the only thing I can remember about her. Except she was a complete cunt.
Aw, Christopher at the back is too cute. Nice to see Ashleigh with a smile on her face for once, too.
Mark is getting The Killers confused with Bon Jovi, lol. Winston during that song made me cry with laughter. Ashleigh bitching about them was funny, as well. The Killers was clearly more entertaining! Haha, and they won. Hilarity.
Mark getting overruled on inviting Ashleigh to the party. Talk about outvoted. Helen is so bossy! How Ash ever stayed on the block when the boys were up is beyond me with Helen 'alwaysintheright' in his corner.
I don't blame Ashleigh for being annoyed! On Helen: 'She's an absolute tramp.'Weeeeeeelll (refer to my earlier comment).
Christopher pining over Mark; Mark was the weak link in the band if anything. Oh God, Helen's on the cider. God help us.
I like Ashleigh's reaction to being chosen as the power housemate. I voted for Christopher! I'm glad Ashleigh got it, though. Shit though, everyone who's been the power housemate has pretty much left so far. Mind you, it's secret so maybe that will help her. I'd say her acting was so/so when it got announced. Steven: 'I think Pauline's coming back in.' What?! Finger so not on the pulse .
Detective Winston is on the case of the power housemate! He needs the moustache again. Ashleigh seems somewhat drunk for someone who doesn't drink. And Chris is doing a drunk diary room.
Helen fretting about losing her pass. Steven trying to force Ash and Helen into a relationship! Stop! It's not good to be a hash pusher.
ARE Big Brother going to give Ashleigh the power to evict Helen? That would be delicious. So they probably won't.
Helen would give her pass to the final to STEVEN! Argh! Why is she always so rude to Christopher! It's horrible. Her and Mark should be ashamed. I hope Mark doesn't win, purely because of his treatment of Christopher. I'd rather see Winston take it as at least he sticks up for people.
Ashleigh likes having the power, because she likes hatching evil plans. Can she finally finish off what she started with Ash this week? I like it when she's super confident in the diary room. She looks stunning again when she's not carping in the corner. Are we actually going to have a happy week? Happy happy house? Nah, don't be silly. I'm sure they'll think of a way to fuck it right up. Remember Toya was the power housemate and went home? Expect the unexpected. And unwanted. And unfair. Night all!

Friday, 18 July 2014

Big Brother 2014: This is a really nasty bunch of people

Evening! So, three new housemates and all of them pure arseholes. Good work, Big Brother.
So only the two SAVED new housemates get to vote on which original housemate to evict.Save Pav, in that case, as he's the only one talking sense.
OMG Kimberly is ill and has temporarily left the house and is SAFE from eviction. She won't be back. I can't believe Steven allowed her out. What's wrong with her? Pregnant? Getting a change of head? It's weird that she's safe from eviction. That was good timing on her part. Hopefully it increases the chances of Steven leaving.
Chris now likes all the original housemates. I think it's catching as I have warmed towards Helen and Ash this week, which is messed up. Editing!
Does Steven get the joke of 'open up to Steven'? I suspect not. Steven kind of works as a chat show host. Yay, Pav is taking down Steven's firework nonsense. Steven: 'No one came in here for the 100K'. WTF! I didn't understand how Steven could turn 100K of fireworks into 300K. I think because it made no sense.
Zoe telling Ashleigh to 'whip her hair round'. Shut up. Zoe doesn't want to smell Steven 'having a bonk'. Me either.
Biannca is pledging to do a Kinga 2. Fair dos.
Winston: 'You're not going to get the right guy saying I want to ride your cock.' Biannca: 'I don't want the right guy, I just want to sit on your cock.' That's him told.
OMG Biannca is making Danielle crying by calling her a horny devil! Aw, poor Danielle, the whole facade is crumbling. I wish Biannca would shut her giant yap.
OMG an actual advert for fanny spray. Toya, RIP.
Helen gets off the hook in these tasks EVERY TIME. Good on that injunction, hey?
LOL to Dexter's penis size getting dragged through the mud. Danielle is upset cos she's been described as 'horny'. Helen is not helping matters.
Danielle admitted about the topless stuff when Danielle wasn't there! Why is Biannca so bothered if Danielle has had sex or not? Let her be deluded if she wants. Stop trying to drag everyone down to your level, Biannca.
LOL to the sign saying 'Two second Steve #topshagger'. Good work.
Chris = not a Britney fan. 'The others are pretending to have fun'. Ha, they probably are. Chris was spot on, they are a nasty bunch of people and who cares what Danielle has done? So true about Helen's secret as well.
Remember when Danielle was moanging about Helen working out topless?! Now Bianca is rolling round naked. LOL. They're wrapping her in a piece of cardboard. Danielle's not happy.
'Stop touching my face.' How romantic.
Helen and Ash getting off! Took them long enough. Is Kimberly gonna crawl along the floor and bang her head on his bed?
What are the crowd chanting? 'You slept with Steven?' 'Two second Steven?' Shame Kimberly's not there to hear that. Mind you, she already knows.
Noobs eviction! Is Zoe wearing a leather top? She's bold in this heat. Why is Pav getting booed?
Biannca is leaving! That's good as she was too in with Helen. I wasn't sure who would go. Hopefully Pav and Zoe will make a sensible decision.
OMG to Biannca getting her boobs out at the top of the stairs. Emma is not impressed. She's such a prude, ha. Biannca is getting 'who are ya' chanted at her. I can't believe they're interviewing her out there. Poor thing! At least I don't have to type 'Biannca' anymore. Here's your best tits. Let's face it, we'd seen all that Biannca had to offer.
Shit it's the real eviction. The crowd seem keen for Steven to go, right. OMG they evicted Danielle. No way, she shouldn't have gone like that. Totally unfair. Listen to the crowd, you fuckwits. They didn't even give a reason.
Danielle's going all sultry as she's evicted! She's changing back to her old persona! She looks great in that dress. She actually looks sexy!
Damn right it's not fair that Danielle went. It WAS Biannca's decision too, they'd already decided FFS! Glad Danielle has got the hump, she's got every right to be. Danielle giving a politicians answer to the question of the glamour shoots. Good on her. Oh shut up, Emma, stop slut-shaming. Emma Willis could be the new Denise Robertson the way she goes on.
Danielle laughing at the clips of herself swearing - good on her. OMG! Danielle saw 'protection' on the dressing table. Lawks! At least they're using protection. I forgot about that green dress she came in wearing. It was horrid.
Aw, Danielle. You went too soon. But at least it wasn't the first week, and it could have been. Armageddon? Cuntmageddon more like.
Meanwhile, Kimberly boards a flight back to America. Fingers crossed. For her sake.