Celebrity Big Brother 2018: Launch and backstage goss!

Sorry there was no launch night blog or podcast, but we invited at the house yesterday so was a bit hard to blog from the crowd and we were too tired to podcast on the way home. So this blog will cover a bit of pre-show info, as well as my thoughts on the housemates.
Once again, we were so lucky to be invited to the house with our fellow superfans. As usual I had actively avoided seeing house pics or housemate rumours so it was all a surprise to me on the day.
This meant actually going into the house was quite disorientating as we weren't allowed into the living room or garden this time and the layout had changed quite a bit.
The house looked divine though, very me, with lots of ornaments and chintzy rugs, plastic chandeliers etc (that's basically my house). The only other major change was the enclosed staircase. We didn't get to see the diary room this time, but when I saw the chair, I was pleased with it.
We had a great time poking through the cupboards and taking loads of photos. There's a house tour video filmed by my podcast co-host Gaz here where he explores every nook and cranny as well as tons of photos from the house I took here and here.
Rylan was lovely as usual, taking group photos for us and posing for selfies (and also added us on Twitter, cheers!) They treat us very well when we're there - although where was the Prosecco this time? *insert Kim Woodburn waving a bottle here*.
In the bar waiting to go in the launch, we got interviews with Chelsea Singh (I know, right) and Staci Francis (Gaz's doing) which will be on the next BB on Blast podcast (coming on Sunday!) And don't worry, we'll still be podding BBUS, too (I know all two of you were worried there).
When we finally got in the audience we were in our usual spot, and only the superfans were allowed to tweet, not even the friends and fam (exciting). We were told jokingly this was because Twitter would dry up without us, haha.
The set looked great outside, too, I loved all the neon and the cars driving the housemates in was decent, it just meant there was less room for the crowd. But it was a nice old skool touch. Seeing the same car reversing out of a very tight space for each housemate was quite funny, too.
I will comment on my experience just from watching live, and then I will watch the show and comment on the housemates. My live observations were that Emma's hair looked more bonkers than ever and the drone is really fucking noisy and irritating.
The friends and family interviews before we even had a chance to meet the housemates properly was unforgivable. The amount of time we saw housemates meet and greet each other was the shortest I've ever seen. I mean, that's a massive part of the joy isn't it, seeing these different characters come together and interact? Friends and families belong on BBBOTS. I do wonder whose idea this was and why it happened. It's missteps like this that make me think 'huh?' After being invited to the Q&A with the producers last week, who were extremely clued up and experienced about the show, it's quite baffling.
OK, I'm going to watch the show now and see what I missed in the throng of the crowd! I heard there's a new theme tune! I'm nervous!
Watching the intro package reminds me I had to stop Gaz from 'ooh oohing'. The title sequence and the set looks great on TV too, all the neon is very visual.
It's funny in the script they still have all the references to fake news, the president etc which were obviously related to Stormy Daniels who never showed up. God bless 'em, they tried to cover it a bit but... not really.
The house looks soooo much bigger on TV. The kitchen looked huge with Emma in it but it's quite poky in there. Weird the kitchen backs onto the bedroom, will no doubt cause some rows. Only one bedroom, too. It's funny seeing Emma pointing out things Gaz already pointed out on our house tour, haha. First!
Emma: 'You've all seen the pictures.' I hadn't! (Bad superfan).
Imagine if they had that lattice wall on BBUS! The whispering would have to turn up a knotch. Ooh, I like that mirror with the monkeys on. I love the colours in the garden and the living room, too. Blue and yellow reminds me of the splish splash room in BBUS, haha. Couch looks nice.
The superfans were a bit torn on Emma popping up on the screen to evict people, but I don't care about that. We're used to it with Chenbot! The pool looks bigger than normal, at least you can do (short) laps.
Emma's house tour seems long as fuck both IRL and on TV.
I love the diary room corridor! So kitsch. I think this might be the most 'me' house ever. I would love to have sat in that DR chair! Looks so good.
OK, onto the housemates. First up, Kirstie Alley. She used to be in Cheers. I barely remember that, but I remember her as an actress when she was younger. I hope her storyline goes beyond her weight. I think she should be quite a fiery character and she's a big booking. Shes not Stormy, but Big Brother will try and squeeze her into that role of 'don't fuck with me older lady' anyway, haha. Let's hope she's more Kim Woodburn than Ann Widdecombe. Oh who am I kidding, Ann was a great character, too.
I liked Kirstie's pink shoes and purple coat. Definite Ursula from the Little Mermaid vibes. That's some big old hair she's got there. Nearly as big as Emma's.
I'm not really a fan of the more jazz piano incidental music, to be honest, even though Gaz was digging it on the night. I don't like change!
I do like the dynamic of them going down the corridor in complete silence and you can hear their thoughts there, too. Kirstie likes the house '1930s Hollywood, exquisite...'
Then the stupid twist commenced (more of a waste of time on launch night when I want to get to know the housemates). So Kirstie because the BB President (isn't that someone on Twitter?) She's hoping she doesn't get assassinated.
Hold on, the public had to vote based on Kirstie asking questions of the other housemates? I don't remember one question she asked! They showed fuck all from inside the house! Not much of a twist, as a new housemate will ask questions of other housemates anyway.
Next in was Ryan Thomas aka Jason from Corrie. I always liked him in Corrie and I think he's probably a decent bloke. I could see him winning it. I do wish he'd sort his hair out though, it's gone a bit David Platt. Just let it go, Jason. Sorry, I won't call him Jason as it's confusing. His on-screen brother Todd (Bruno Langley) would be a better booking after he got sacked for groping women. I'd love to witness that mess of a redemption story.
Ooh, in car footage! Cool.
That was very smooth of him to say 'Look who's talking now' to Kirstie. He's done his research ala Perez.
Next in is footballer Jermaine Pennant, a footballer and bad boy (aren't they the same thing?) He was charged with drink driving while banned from driving and went to prison for three months, then wore a tag on the pitch. He later crashed his car drink driving. Um, mate, stop drink driving! He'd never do it again. Of course he won't, not until the next time (bit of Morrissey for you there).
Ah he got a couple of boos and now he is shook, lol. I booed him and the people in front of me looked upset but they weren’t with him. Drink driving is gross. Kill yourself by all means, but don't put others at risk. Also: no socks on. Wrong 'un.
Had a strong Sezer-esque intro statement: 'Let the games begin.' Bhahahaha!
Next in is Chloe Ayling, someone I predicted would go in the house about a month ago when I heard the theme was notorious people. She looked like Lauren Harries in silhouette. She basically got kidnapped and they tried to sell her on the dark web but no one believed her, they just thought she was a glamour girl and magazine dealer. To be honest, I saw her being interviewed and she didn't seem very plausible. But I think she's just one of these people that comes across a bit impassive, even when describing her own kidnapping ordeal. I like her, I think she's good casting. She seems sweet and a good fit for BB. Are people really moaning she's not a real celeb? Get in the sea. I like the 'scandal' type people.
Chloe has a new twist on the boob laces, as pointed out by Gaz: the thigh lace. Sophisticated. Ooh they go up the side, too.
Emma is doing the voiceover on these VTs like she's Trevor McDonald.
I liked when she said she was 'looking forward to the tasks' - she must have heard Trevor Boris was coming. We've got a gamer on our hands here! Hold on, she's never seen an episode of Big Brother before?! Lies.
Jermaine looked her up and down when she came in like a right lech.
OMG next in was the Human Ken Doll! Rodrigo! And they played Flawless (absolutely flawless!) Many lols. He's my winner pick. He will be great TV. He is amazing to even look at. He doesn't even need to speak. How old is he?! He had four ribs removed so he looks better when wearing a blazer, ha (and he carries them round in a jar?!). He is a 'real person with emotions'. They just don't show on his face. If I'd put a bet on last night, I would have put an ill placed bet on him, just like I did with India. Omg look at his baby pink suit! Look at his frilly shirt!  Look at his white hair! He said 'what a beautiful crowd' haha. Cheers mate. I like the fact he was boasting they'd been trying to get him on for years. I wonder what he looks like first thing in the morning. He likes to have his dinner at exactly 8.30. Maybe he likes to play HQ at 9. Going down the corridor he said 'what a crowd' (thanks again) and 'I need a drink'. I did too!
Why so little footage on the housemates meeting and greeting each other? Did they run out of time? Did the house tour run too long? I don't get it. I know we'll see it tonight, but it's not the same.
Next in is Dan Osborne from TOWIE (I thought he was from Hollyoaks) who left a voicemail for his ex (who he left when she was pregnant for Lauren from Eastenders) threatening to put her in hospital if she got a new boyfriend. I listened to it and it's terrifying. And I'm told not to boo? It's my legal right to boo this motherfucker. Then the plot thickens as he and Ryan have both dated the same person, this Gabby from Love Island (coming up next).
Dan: 'Most people say things when they're angry.' Er, not that they don't. Just his smug face is already bugging me. He is an absolute cunt. He'll probably win. A vote for him is a vote for domestic violence as far as I'm concerned. Threats to kill a woman? No redemption story for him, thanks. Not on my watch.
Ryan and Dan will be friends. In fact I could see all these guys in so far being bros.
Next is Gabby Allen from Love Island. Do we have to put up with this Love Island detritus? Stay on your own show! We don't want you. She's whining about being cheated on. Well done, you're a human being. We've all been there. You're not relatable. Go away. Mind you, if that's the extent of the UK reality TV jetsam I can deal.
OMG her suit as well. Disgusting. She looked like a pearly queen. Emma immediately slut shaming 'that is a very pretty bra'. Stop. Gabby is a huge 'health and fitness fan'. Yuck. She looks like a knob, I can see why she was attracted to Dan.
Jermaine also eyeing her up like a piece of meat. Urgh, footballers.
I had to take my headphones out for the friends and family bit, I can't watch that again. Who cares what the Poundland Andrew Brady thinks!? It actually makes me angry that we're denied first night footage (essentially live feed) for this sub-BOTS bollocks. And I had several voicemails saying the same!
Emma looks like she's just going through the motions to me. I really wish Rylan was the main presenter. I want his BOTS enthusiasm and kindness to housemates on the main show.
Then Emma tells us Kirstie is interviewing everyone in there... but doesn't show us it. Great.
Next in is Hardeep Singh Kohli. I don't know who he is but sounds like he felt someone up. Let me investigate for one second. Oh, apparently he sexually harrassed a researcher. That's nice. Me too plus power dynamics. But he's a comedian! What if he's funny? We could have a new Jim Davidson on our hands, people. SIGH. 'It was a challenging time'. For her even more so, I'm sure.
He’s interested in people. Too interested, apparently. he says, 'The BB house is a commune' and 'It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never gone in the CBB house.' Good soundbites, it's a shame he's a creep (at the very least). Also wearing a kilt. Cultural appropriation? Oh no, he's Scottish, haha.
I like the fact he bored himself talking to Emma and then went 'blah, blah, blah.' Indeed.
As he went in someone asked him 'what’s your name?' And he said, ‘Whatever you want it to be.’ He's been practising that one, along with 'Hardeep is your love.' Apparently 'it's an honour' to meet drink driving footballer Jermaine. Isn't it great how all your sins get written off if you can kick a ball? Must be nice.
And if you thought he was trouble, you haven't met this full time DICKWAD from Married at First Sight yet. Ben Jardine. For my sins, I sat through the entire programme, and he never wanted to be married. I felt really sorry for her as she had feeling for him and he cheated on her AFTER A WEEK. He is the biggest magazine dealer on the planet and talks like a high pitched Danny Dyer without the wit. Yes, imagine that. Even his face is annoying.
He said his former 'wife' ‘kiss and telled on me’. So he's a moron, as well as a twat. I did enjoy, 'I’m not a love rat, I’m a love mouse’ though. His 'scared of living with 12 strangers instead of one’ line was good, what cue card did he read that off? I do like his shirt though. He feels 'judged' by Emma. It's OK, you're a man, you'll be alright. Ben 'Let's Carpe Diem this shit.' God, I hate him. Argh, his voice!
The show was kind of downhill from here (except for Natalie), with Roxanne from Emmerdale (me neither) who is a potential fencesitter, so I'm told. Apparently she had an argument with Jason Gardiner on This Morning cos he called her bland. That's not a good sign. I guess it's a good sign she argued against it.
She was in a car crash (so what?) and is engaged (zzz). I like her fringe. When she 'unravels' it's like 'Disney gone wrong.' Did some odd high kicks as she went in.
She appeared to have some dust/ cocaine on her boobs going down the stairs which she then licked off. That was quite amusing. Does she think there's no camera in that bit? She doesn't drink. I'm always suspicious of that, ha.
After that we got 'psychic' Sally (come back Derek Acorah) from whom we can expect ‘honesty fun and ghosts’. I like the fact she took her heels off to go down stairs. I liked her weight loss joke about being a medium. You ARE a liar, though. She says someone's about to walk! Let's see if that's true.
Now we have who should have gone in last, Natalie Munn. I didn't know the name, but I recognised her from marriage boot camp. We were stood behind her friends who made us vote for her for vice president. I wanted to vote for human Ken doll (HKD).
Natalie is a self proclaimed queen, who said 'If u don’t like it turn the channel' I like her crown and feathers. She's like a more messy Ika - and if we can get Natalie, why not Ika or Omarosa? Good TV is good TV, who cares how famous they are? She enjoys a Twitter beef and told Paris Hilton to 'eat her pussy.' She takes a shower and brushes her teeth in the morning, so that's good to know. 
Emma goes to her, ‘You know in Britain were more reserved.’ This is why I don’t like Emma - why say that to a messy housemate? We want the mess! Came out to Aretha Franklin which may have been a bit much for some tastes (RIP).
It's funny because I like the American scripted reality people, but I hate the UK scripted reality people!
Oh Paul Oakenfold remixed the theme tune. I still hate it. He must be about 60 now, ha.
And finally we get Nick Leeson (a dead ringer for James Whale - James Fail?) who made a bank collapse, losing 800 million quid. I vaguely remember the story from when I was a kid, but really WHO CARES? Chloe was kidnapped and put in a bag. This guy is dry as toast. His interview with Emma was PAINFUL. He has lots of stories to tell. Thankfully, they'll never make the edit. Fair enough, be notorious, but at least be INTERESTING! We were nearly falling asleep in the crowd so God knows how you felt at home.
We were crying out for Stormy at this point. Did this guy replace her? I'd love to know who was the late entry.
And then back to this dumb twist. The BB President (shout out) will have (Stormy's) private residence and can go in the garden. Great.
Then we got to vote on the app with zero information about what Kirstie actually found out about them, plus no footage of them, so the public just voted for arguably the most famous (in this country), Ryan. Well, that's going to make for a dull week.
And that was about that. Overall, I think it's a good mix of housemates. They might not be big names but there are people to hate without them being too annoying, and some quirky characters. There's not tons of deadwood. I'm cautiously optimistic.
Thanks again to Big Brother for the invite and check out our podcast on Sunday! Thanks for reading.

Big Brother 10: The Final: You Fat Whinging Cunt

I'm drinking for a first time in a month! Here's a toast to the tonsils; evicted from my throat.
Couldn't blog last night as my computer died; thank god it wasn't tonight, I'd have cried! Yes Siavash did lay it on a bit thick but I'm still backing him or Roddy for the win. Fuck you Sophie, you don't deserve it, a vote for you is a vote for Kris! (actually I like Sophie, but come on, she aint our winner).
Siavash is doing his Jesus act again. BB has got strict! I've never known anyone threaten to leave on the penultimate night!
Will Charlie's speech mention his mam? See the way he whipped her out yesterday whilst declaring himself most deserving to win? What a tool.
Sophie's hair has grown back! Magic. Mmm, Rodrigo looks hot in purple. And sexy crying!
I voted for Siavash and Roddy. My boyfriend recommends a nuclear vote that costs a fiver and takes ten votes off Charlie. Score!
WTF is Angel wearing?! That girl is batshit crazy. Yay, Sree! Go fuck yourself, Kris.
Noirin is single! LOL. FRIENDS!
In another world Marcus and Lisa would be lovers! Big up Digital Spy!
OMG Rodrigo out 5th! That's not right. I'm shocked! Fucked off Charlie beat him. Look at his outfit! Aw. Love Rodrigo. He should have been top two!
Yay, no psychologists or guests. Pure BB style. Oh dear. She's turned up via proxy.
CHARLIE SHOULD NOT HAVE BEATEN RODDY. BOO.
God, DAVID beat Rodrigo. WTF! He was sweet in his interview, pretending he doesn't love Charlie. That video from his family was ace. SOB!
CHARLIE'S OUT! YES! Beaten by David! Eat it, eat it! SO glad Siavash beat him. So un-glad HE beat Rodrigo.
Despite his 'yes/ yes/ yes' there was definitely a bit of gutted behind the eyes then.
Charlie- one dimensional nice guy! I.e. cunt. Siavash cheated on his girlfriend and beat you, LOL. Me mam, me mam. Blah. Big Brother saved his mum's life.
Charlie's interview was loads shorter than Roddy's. GOOD! You are the weakest link; goodbye.
David in third! HOW?! How did he get more votes than Roddy and Charlie?!
What is Judy James wearing? Even Siavash would balk at it.
I hate the speculation about Sophie's weight, but GOD she looked skinny at the beginning. I like her better plump and drunk, though. I liked the way she let herself go, it felt real.
I like the fact Siavash and Sophie are left; they've always been loyal to each other. Liked Siavash giving David a big smack on the choppers too, I like how comfortable he is with his sexuality, it's really, really refreshing.
There goes David and his seatbelts, shouting and sweaty! David is YOUNGER THAN ME! How!?!?!!
David went in there with an open book; he's worst than Honey off of Eastenders (Perry Fenwick- LOL!)
He DID do well to come third; but I think it was more accident than design.
David about Robbie Williams; 'has he come out?' Hahaha.
'Fat whinging cunt' in the highlights!!! LOLLLLLLLS! Marcus to win! Oh...!
OMG Sophie won. She looked shocked. I do believe Siavash was happy for her though. I wonder what the percentage was?
Sophie owes him ten grand for wearing that shit out of the house.
Aw Noirin shame. HOODIE!!! Pine. Pine. Pine. Friends. Friends. Friends. Have fun.
Convenient that Siavash has lost his voice! See Noirin laughing!
Look at all the power Siavash had when he first went in! That house ground him down. Siavash looked good as the rabbit.
FUCK Sophie got 74.4% of the vote! Gosh. I can't resent her as a winner. She's better than Rachel.
I liked the sketch with Rodrigo and Sophie; they are so cute together. I don't understand how Roddy came 5th and she came 1st. He was a lot more multi-faceted than her.
Well done, Dogface. It's good girls voted for you, I guess.
I kinda like that song off that advert. I did cry a tiny bit.
Liked it when they panned past Marcus and he said 'Get fucked'.
Sophie what you gonna spend your cash on? New boobs and new hair. And crack for chihuahuas.
Shall I say a word or two about Big Mouth? Why not. My blog has been a bit shit despite my drinking. Davina looks like crap.
It's weird they are doing their own catchphrases already (Shut up/ absolutely brilliant). David chose Lisa over Vivienne.
I love Grace Dent! Roddy should have won. I still can't work out how he came 5th.
Why is Bob calling Siavash Sheavash?! Siavash is getting roasted on BBLB. He came SECOND, you spazzes.
Basshunter! Has a vocoder installed in his throat. And Brian Belo nuzzled Sophie's boobies! Outrageous.
So that's all folks. Hopefully there'll be some good shit on this autumn about brain tumours, eating disorders and sex changes.
And I'll review a couple of gigs and albums. Stay with me. It's still better than going out.

Big Brother 10: I assume we all want to be Beyonce.

Why is the last mile the hardest mile?
Hehe to Charlie knocking Lisa's tea over. Apparently an inflatable 'really hurts' when it hits you on the head.
Siavash: 'I assume we all want to be Beyonce'. Classic line! I wouldn't want to be Beyonce, with her tree trunk thighs, and going into 'character' to do sexy dancing, because her good Christian self doesn't do that sort of thing. Beyonce is a prick.
Charlie sulking about being the stylist! Idiot. What a little twat he is. God I hate that Beyonce song so much. If you like IT then you should have put a ring on it??? WHAT???? Is she actually saying that? What a feminist icon.
Charlie sulking and Lisa leering at Beyonce. Yuck. Charlie is being more pathetic than Bea about not getting his own way.
Sophie quoted Sree! Hehe. Rodrigo: 'you are just a Playboy bunny'. Nice. And then laughing at Charlie's outfit, LOL! What's up with, Charlie? Why is being such a douche so close to the final? I mean, he's always a douche, but so openly a douche in the final week, so much so that even the thickest type of pond life who'd vote for him would cotton on. Self sabotage!
Only marginally less sexy than Beyonce herself was David as Beyonce. Siavash LOVES dressing up as a woman, doesn't he? That task did make me laugh, but mainly in abject horror. Siavash's arse was EATING that leotard!
Men arguing about hair straightners is just about the most emasculating thing on TV. It makes my fanny want to curl up and die. Rodrigo and his kinky hair makes me want to vote Siavash to win. Roddy's just miffed cos Charlie's got a cob on.
I liked it when Siavash went 'thank god' when Davina said Sophie was safe. It was touching. Charlie and David crying over the loss of Lisa made me wanna smoke crack.
God are we having to suffer their fucking home videos again? Give us a break, BB. The last half an hour of this show was virtually unwatchable.
Dopey David! That joke isn't funny anymore.
Siavash to win? I'm still tempted by Roddy. I reckon it's the closest final in a LOOOOOONG time. Let's face it, if Ulrika Johnsson can beat Terry Christian, all bets are off.

Big Brother 10: Ding dong, the witch is dead

Which old witch? The wicked witch!
Bit topsy turvy tonight as my BT Vision box declined to tape the 1st installment. So I'm watching the eviction show first.
Ooh it's between Charlie and Lisa! Bye Lisa! Shame Charlie didn't go, but at least Lisa didn't get very high ratings, getting the boot on a Tues. I'm not drunk, either, which doesn't help. Go smoke fags back home. Is there a crowd? Is she getting booage? They should have sent her out via the back door, to no crowd, like they did to lovely chicken Stu back in the day, who did not deserve it (Lisa did).
Her behaviour was dire this week, but annoyed Charlie scoots his little tortoise face into the final. Shame we couldn't have had a double eviction.
Woah, the panel is distinctly Z-list tonight, and that's saying something. Lisa is in combative mode. The defences are up!
LOL Kim hit the nail on the head with Lisa! Haha. Lisa will never see How Clean is Your House in the same light. Hehe, Davina snuck in the word 'bitter'.
Lisa's just reeling out the party line. Exscaping. No surprises here so far.
Can Lisa take a joke? Let's see. Hmm, not so sure!
Does Lisa even like David? I am not convinced!
How did Lisa and David cope in those furry suits all day when they went to London without a fag? I demand answers! I don't believe they didn't smoke, it's bullshit!
Give her more of a hard time for her bullying of Freddie! Hmm.
Mini bus stop was cool. At least Lisa has good manners. That's about the best I can say about her.
Ooh look at Charlie biting his nails down to the quick! You should be worried, sonny jim. Elephants don't forget!
Well I might as well blog Big Mouth as I'm waiting for the 1st show to download on a torrent. More Z-list celebs, John McCruick, spare me. Undoing years of sexy hunk advertising in one swoop.
LOL at Marcus being released back into the wild! I wonder if Siavash's girlfriend is in the audience this week *psycho*!
I don't like John McCruick brow-beating Lisa, he did the same to Freddie too!
Ahhh Marcus calling David a fat fuck *warm glow*. If David is a 32 waist, I'm a size zero.
Stop saying 'y'know' Lisa! Props to Lisa for coming back to McCruick with the strap-on comment! Nice work.
Lisa giving it 'you only see an hour of it'- the bad editing defence. The worst! I've watched hours of live feed! This Big Mouth is BORING. God, I wish I was drunk. I haven't even seen the highlights yet and I'm tired. Grumpy now.
Christ, these highlights are rubbish! Especially after that wait. 'Charlie gonging me!'
True colours, true colours, yap, yap, yap.
Christ, look at Sophie's boobies! Lawks.
Lisa, Charlie woke you up in the night to say 'no hard feelings!' God, don't go into counselling, will you, Charlie, he'll be helping the bereaved by putting a whoopee cushion on his clients' chair.
Siavash's joy at watching BB soon turned to the realisation that he was getting shafted. It was quite bold of him to walk out when they showed it; I'd be desperate to see, even if it was through my fingers! They are making a mug out of Sea at the mo. He should front it a bit.
Ooh, 'friends' and 'have fun' from Noirin! Score.
You can tell a lot about a housemate from their faces whilst watching Siavash dig his own grave. Sophie and Rodrigo looked hurt for him. Charlie was practically licking his lips. Lisa found it funny.
Rodrigo and Charlie were mainly shitting their pants about what they've been up to, methinks.
Look at the way Charlie strutted into that room afterwards to rub Siavash's nose in it. He was basically skipping. Siavash was milking it. But it is embarrassing for him.
I wonder where Noirin is now. I do know she aint happy. How could she be?
Lisa's impression of Marcus was surreal. Sophie's Irish accent was the strangest thing I've ever heard. She sounded half Liverpudlian, half South African. They should have dug up the HOODIE! I miss the hoodie. Give Siavash the hoodie to sniff.
Haha, Sophie pulled out the 'friends' gun. Friends, friends, friends! I miss Noirin.
Is BB victimising Sivash a good or bad thing? I think good, a sympathy vote is still a vote, dude. Lap up the crumbs. I think Siavash knows it, too.
The others seemed to be enjoying taking the mickey a little TOO much for my liking. Siavash did a bad thing, but he paid the price, and I think, was badly hurt.
Urgh and Lisa sticking the knife in. Bitch. Does she not understand that some things aren't black and white?
Give Siavash his clothes back. And as for you, Lisa, get out of my sight.

Big Brother 10: No one tells me what to do... except Big Brother

Well the BB editors obviously thought last night's show was useless as well, so they lit the dynamite tonight in the form of the 'nomination game'! LOL. Let the bitching commence.
Haha, Sophie nominated Charlie for being 'false' in the first week! She was right! The look of joy on Rodrigo's face! Check out Charlie's fixed smile. You will pay for that, Sophie!
Lisa's face when Rodrigo nommed her! Rodrigo took Charlie's one better. Don't. fuck. with. the. matriarch. Everyone has to nominate! Fuck you, Lisa. The truth hurts. Perhaps instead of spouting off like the nasty old bit of scrag you are, you should have LISTENED to WHY he nominated you. Ever thought about that? Yet it's fair game to nominate Siavash, Marcus and Freddie week after week.
That was funny when Sophie nominated David and he did his fake laugh. Dealt with! She's got your number.
Urgh it sickens me them all kowtowing to Lisa. 'You're young, you'll see as you grow up.' What will they see? You're just a poisonous old bag who has provided no entertainment whatsoever this summer, and systematically got everyone entertaining or kind evicted from that house. So fuck you, Lisa. I'm 29; and from the bottom of my heart I say, FUCK YOU.
How many times did Lisa nominate Siavash? She says once but where's the proof? He's not 'crafty'. He does play up to it sometimes, but at heart he's alright, you know. Her heart is just as black and rotten as her lungs. I wish Siavash would give it back to her.
Urgh and then when Lisa called Sophie Siavash's little pet just because she never got the memo to VOTE SIAVASH OUT. There's an example of your intimidation tactics, Lisa.
YAY Siavash GAVE IT BACK. Good. Eat that, Lisa. I vote Siavash to win just for that comment. At least Siavash is brave enough to throw himself to the lions, even after what he did with Noirin, he dared put his fate in the public's hand. Lisa has just hidden her way through the series- hidden behind her sacrificial lambs.
Even Sophie's twigged it! Sophie has sussed Lisa! If Sophie's sussed her, then the game is well and truly up.
Has David got dungarees on?! Look at Charlie's inane grin as he gets called to the diary room to perform! Ha, not grinning now, are you? LOL! Go on, squeeze a Bea-tear out. At least he didn't nominate after that charade. Oh but he did want some praise for his sacrifice afterwards.
Lisa and David are keen to nominate! It is totally fair if they all go up in the final week. Lisa and David are making themselves look like pricks. Don't they see that?
Haha, David nominating! No one tells me what to do... except Big Brother. Idiot box. OMG he nominated Sophie! Bad David. I like Sophie. But all this 'Sophie to win' thing is ridiculous. She's a nice girl, but doesn't deserve it. She's had it pretty easy in there.
David: 'I don't talk shit'- if you say so.
Charlie is giving it the saint act; but Siavash called Charlie out on nominating Marcus too! Siavash is on fire tonight. Fuck off Lisa, you dickhead. Siavash did nothing to Marcus; Noirin was NOT Marcus's property!!!
David you ARE scared of being evicted, you little fucking worm! Stop trying to get other people to have as slack morals as you.
I don't find Rodrigo particularly childish, but I do find Lisa to be a complete CUNT!
Shit, Rodrigo did nominate, but he nominated Lisa, hahaha.
YOU'RE the one showing your true colours, Lisa, you fucking mingebag. Well done, you've overtaken Charlie as my figure of hate. Stop trying to run the house! You lose.
The way Siavash said 'no hard feelings'; he has more class in his little finger than Lisa could ever dream of. Yay, then Rodrigo came out and said he put Lisa and David up; LOL! Let the public decide.
Don't pick Rodrigo up on his English, Lisa, how much Portugese do you speak whilst watching Jeremy Kyle in your one bed council flat? Rodrigo has not got a lot to learn; you do, but you won't.
Loved Siavash's reasons why he wasnt nominating, but that he could. Just very, very classy behaviour from Siavash tonight.
I'm glad David and Lisa have alienated themselves from the house. They are total morons. LOVED the others taking the mickey. Very funny. At least Charlie had the balls to admit what they were saying when David asked.
I have a feeling this walk out isn't going to work! Bless them for trying, though.
At least Sophie and Siavash were up for it, Charlie and Rodrigo were dilly-dallying. Just out-bluff BB! The show would be dead without you. You really needed Marcus on hand for the revolution.
Charlie waking Lisa and David up was still idiotic, but in the context of the show, I feel less malice towards him than when I saw it last night on the live feed.
Final week, well it's gotta be Rodrigo or Siavash to win, now. Rodrigo has probably got enough votes just on his baby face alone. For Freddie, for Marcus, for their scalps, in memorium, vote Siavash to win. He's our last man standing. Our last fuck you to Lisa. Come on. You know it makes sense.

Big Brother 10: The blog with no name

Last night's highlights were SO boring. When you have extended scenes of David and Lisa eulogising themselves, you know you're in deep shit highlights-wise. And Lisa lamenting the loss of Marcus! Well, I never.
Lisa's bored! Send her home. Stop saying you're missing Marcus, Charlie, you voted him out, you duplicitous cuntrag!
Ooh Lisa's got a reason to nominate Rodrigo now. Tempers definitely seem a bit frayed at the moment. That money is in sight, even if it's depleted.
The task thing was funny for about five minutes, then got a bit boring. Which reminds me, when are they going to give Siavash his clothes back? I wish he'd draw his other eyebrow on too. The lack of symmetry is annoying.
Urgh David and his laugh! Ban both. Even Lisa looks tired.
Marvel at them order a Chinese! The excitement is just too much. Ah, it's delivered and they start moaning immediately.
God, Lisa going on about her bagging of straight girls. David is right; places are not gay friendly; if two blokes start snogging in a straight club, it's not that friendly I'd imagine.
What IS it with that extra 5 minutes at the end of BB? I have to sit through a whole ad break for that? Normally I don't have to sit through ad breaks but I've lost my remote control. It's not my day.
Roll on Friday; this series is dead. But I STILL hate all the gleeful articles gloating over the end of Big Brother; you don't see me calling for an end to Songs of Praise or Countdown for being a tired formula. So why don't you just let us enjoy our own programmes, motherfuckers?

Big Brother 10: Cram it up your scabby fat arse

Hair wars! Do you think a £7 hair extension can save Sophie's barnet? Marcus just doesn't want her to have glorious locks like him.
How can you tell the difference between Siavash's own clothes and the comedy clothes BB puts him in? It was a bit cruel of him to wind them all up, he likes his riddles.
So far Siavash is coming out on top in these highlights. It sucks either way; I don't want either Marcus or Siavash to go. Ooh Marcus called him out on it! I think Marcus is being a little unfair.
Charlie: 'MY money is going to care for me mam.' It's not YOUR fucking money, Charlie.
I'm fucking sick of them having a go at Siavash. David says he'd take 50K but they're having a go at Siavash for wanting to give money to charity. Donkeys.
Siavash carried off his outfit with a certain degree of panache. David's laughing at him was absolutely pathetic *say in David style*. Imagine David in that outfit! I hate David right now. Marcus is being a right grumpy bastard as well. He's shooting himself in his dark horseshoe right now. It was obvious he wouldn't cut off his hair though.
Rodrigo's face during the truth or dare when Charlie said who he'd sleep with! Bloody hell. He was fuming!
Wow, can't believe Marcus went. He was the victim of a bad edit tonight, but he has become a pastiche of himself this last week. Aw his cheeky little face when leaving! Can't believe we lost Marcus and Freddie in two weeks. Shocking. This should give Siavash some strength now. That house is dead on it's feet.
Marcus getting it in the neck from Andi Peti! Grace told it like it was- Marcus is one of the greats. Funny as fuck.
I don't find Marcus that sexist. He's just a comedy characature. Glad Grace brought Noirin up though.
Marcus saying he wanked 7 and a bit times, hehe. Glad Davina pulled him up about Siavash and Noirin. Knew he wouldn't hold his hands up, though.
Marcus's best bits went on forever. 'Well I think you're a fucking pathetic fat whinging cunt!' Just pure, pure classic TV.
The dark horse just gor repressed. And looking at the remaining bunch, we are all the poorer for it.

Big Brother 10: Can you see the Millennium Eye?

Anarchy in Borehamwood!
Quite ironic really on the day that it is announced that Big Brother is axed, they set David and Lisa a highly un-Big Brother-like task of going outside, and the rest of the housemates storm the camera run. The whole thing feels like it's falling apart in front of our (very) eyes.
I appreciate the fact that sending Lisa and David out of the house is a cool idea; but it's so very at odds with the idea of what Big Brother is about, that it just seems absurd. To my mind, part of winning, is being holed up in that house for three months, THEN coming out to the baying crowd. If you've already been out mingling with the crowd a week beforehand, it rather takes the shine off. And to that end, I'm glad Marcus didn't get to go. It's not like Lisa and David are gonna win the fucker, is it?
Can we send Charlie into space (sans oxygen?) David and Lisa looked more like fruit than aliens. Hmm, good luck with that task, Sophie and Rodrigo.
I enjoyed Marcus cawing to the birds in the garden because it's the kind of infantile thing I do.
I liked Lisa and David's excitement at the task though, it must be such a buzz to get out of the house like that. The producers were probably glad Marcus didn't get that task or he'd probably have just ditched the costume and run off. Now that would have been funny. Lucky for BB they got 'rules is rules' cretins David and Lisa.
It was nice to see them on the bus, though. I knew that bus would come if Lisa waited there long enough! It was like they were on day release from the loony bin.
Aw it was cute when they held hands. Lisa hammering it home that David better not fuck up the task!
Haha omg that was funny when David was on the phone and Lisa thought he was talking to her. They are such a stupid pair. Do you think they're going to be smart enough to try and take a sneaky peek at Heat, or check their odds down the bookies?
Siavash can't beat Marcus can he? I admire him for plouging his own bizarre furrow in some respects. It's better than towing the line.
HAHAHA to Lisa and David trying to get their pcitures taken by the harsh London crowd. Bless 'em.
It was good when Marcus went in the pool. Now you are awake!
I LOVED the unbridled joy of them all running round the camera runs, and that even Rodrigo did it. It was ace! Ooh Siavash got manhandled. LOL Sophie, Rodrigo and Charlie got lost! Ha, Marcus is such a naughty boy. I love him. Marcous! It all went a bit Dead Set and counter-culture, I liked it a lot. I think they trumped Lisa and David!
'London town centre'! LOL. Up west, dude. OMG David's chirruping laugh of glee. Hehe Charlie trying to one up them with his story! His FACE! He was seething. Perhaps should have waited a few minutes for that one. Snigger.
How long before Lisa's moaning about the loss of the prize fund? Rules IS rules, after all!

Big Brother 10: They own us

Painkillers!
Sophie doing this Jade schtick is boring, BB is literally revelling in her thickness. Let's dress her up in school uniform and make fun of the thick blonde! Misogyny central. I'm not sure I'd know where all of those places are to be honest, but I think I could do half of them, hehe. Even the thickest cunt must know what the UK looks like though, especially when you live in it. Sophie seems drunk constantly now. I think she's lost the plot.
Siavash, just nominate you fucking plank! He's really getting on my nerves. Why is Marcus backtracking now as well? The dark horse is running scared!
Oh wind your neck in Charlie, you're the only tool in that house. He sees Siavash and Marcus as threats! Simple as that. See how fast he came up with extra reasons for Marcus when he was under pressure! Idiot box.
Bye bye Siavash then. You threw yourself under the bus, and to be honest I'm not that bothered anymore. You almost had it all, but you threw it away. Shoulda put David up.
A bad, bad end to things, basically all the good guys got picked off in the end, and actually the catalyst for that was Bea. Lisa was almost overthrown, but Bea fucked it up.
I'm glad Rodrigo pulled Siavash up on his martyrdom. Siavash really is a rebel without a cause. Hmm, wonder why Charlie is so upset? How ironic he's calling someone Mr Perfect, he's been trademarking that image for two months now. Listening to all these yapping off it's a crying shame we are losing Siavash over David/ Lisa/ Charlie.
Siavash does have freedom of choice! BB can kick him out if they don't like it Sophie was the only person defending him.
The way Charlie pulled Siavash's girlfriend out the bag! HARSH! It's none of his fucking business. GOD I HATE HIM! The injustice of this situation is just not right! The only person who showed his 'true colours' tonight was Charlie.
I believe Siavash doesn't want to be in the final if the public don't want him there. Charlie/ Lisa/ David don't care either way. Glad he told Charlie and Rodrigo so.
David says straightfaced: 'they say jump, I say how high?' So he'd be the first gassing the Jews, just remember that folks, when you're picking your winner.
How did Siavash 'cheat' on Marcus? Was Marcus going out with Noirin? NO.
See Charlie spluttering when Siavash said 'why didn't you vote so we all went up?' OMG and then he just goes and dances to his song! ARGH!
I'm glad it's nearly over. Marcus or Rodrigo to win. Chuck Charlie out via the side door mid next week. Cheers.

Big Brother 10: If it was fucking acid, fair enough

I'm sick and itchy and in pain but I'm also bored out of my brain so I'll try squeeze a mini-blog out. I liked the wrestling yesterday, it was fun. The episode the day before was SO boring. On the eviction; Davina stuck it to Bea GOOD! I was shocked at how harsh she was, but totally deserved.
Now am I being paranoid or are they showing an awful lot of Charlie lately? Oh, he's such a cheeky chappie! Look at him deny his feelings for Rodrigo and declare himself 'a lovely guy'. So why do I hate him SO much? The way he reacted over the magazines thing was telling in itself, one bit of criticism and he went ballistic. I just fing him utterly vacuous and transparent. If he wins, I'll shut up shop, I swear. HE CANNOT WIN!
And I still don't understand what Sophie was so upset about with Kris? It all seemed very cynical and to do with agents and it just didn't smell right. Yuck.
Aw Rodrigo, don't fall for him, you're too good for that odius showy little prink. There'll be tears before bedtime either way.
Sophie is a bit idiotic for moaning that Marcus was upset she stole from him. Sophie is coming off like a bit of an idiot at the moment. I can't believe she's the favourite to win. I like her and Rodrigo together, but she's just a total airhead really.
David has had hundreds of one night stands! With whom?! This story stacks up about as well as Freddie and his four lovers.
It annoys me now that ALL their conversations are about the end of the show/ wrapping up etc. It's boring! Too much dead wood in that house. That's the problem.
I did have a wry smile at David/ Siavash during the toothbrush task but that was about it.
Siavash seems very interested in other people's sexuality, doesn't he? I wonder why..?
Lisa rubbed it in a bit with Sophie when they lost the task considering she's meant to be her friend.
Sophie hit the nail on the head with the nominations thing; Charlie, Rodrigo, David and Lisa are running scared. Siavash isn't scared actually; I think he doesn't want a free pass to the final. He wants to feel he's earned it, whereas Lisa and Charlie feel entitled.
It's all very well Siavash looking down his nose at Sophie for not knowing this and that but he didn't actually answer the question of where Sweden was, did he? Does Sophie give women/ blondes a bad name? No, she just gives the education system one.
Despite my complaints about Sophie, I like the fact she has so little regard for her image that she just waxes her eyebrows off for a laugh. That's my kind of girl.
So in conclusion, mixed feelings about everything. I blame the codeine and tramadol cocktail.

Big Brother 10: You killed Marcus!

Don't let the title fool you that this blog is gonna be a good 'un, it aint.
'If you count the skeletons in my closet... under the bed, and up under my faucet...' What is Eminem on about? Anyway!
Heartwarming start to the show; a gravestone with Bea's name on. 'Why has mine got a crow on?' Because you never stop squawking? Oh God, Bea 'I want/ I want'. Had Bea got her costume on yet..? Oh.
Rodrigo and Sophie looked cute as vampires. I want Rodrigo to start going; 'One... ha ha ha ha. Two... ha ha ha ha.'
Bea didn't suffer enough for my liking! Let's really operate on her.
David came across like a dick having a go at Bea for nominating him (although she did lie). He's a right touchy git! Am I bovvered? If I was Bea I'd walk; that'd teach him. I'm surprised she didn't take it worse. God, shut up David. You're an idiot. Stop bellowing.
Well that apology went well, didn't it. If I was Bea I wouldn't even justify it. I'd just say 'I nominated you- tough'. I can't believe she's even letting him go on like that with the way she normally behaves. He is totally over-reacting.
Ooh Lisa gave it to Bea! Looks like you shouldn't have thrown Freddie under the bus after all. LOL. All the things Bea has done in that house and they dig her out over nothing. Weird. Good to see Lisa showing her claws though.
God that BB (and therefore my blog) was boring. Blame Endemol, not Exitainment.

Big Brother 10: Nothing to do with the Mingebaggery

When Marcus and Lisa are bonding, you know the ship's going down. Bea is such a spoilsport. Everyone's pissed at her so she just wants to walk. Why is BB giving her extra messages from home?! What is there to be proud of? I'd be sickened to have brought up such a spoilt, ungrateful snob.
The way she tried to wriggle out of those nominations was the most barefaced thing I'd ever seen. Why does anyone DESERVE to go over you, Bea, with the way you behave? I'm so sick of even hearing her voice. Get rid!
Good luck getting Rodrigo out of that house, Bea, you fucking spanner. You might as well just put your nomination in the bin. You should have nominated Lisa instead, it might have saved you.
Siavash and his bumbling nominations protest is just getting sillier. It's totally stupid. What is he protesting against!? I don't get what he's on about either. He's giving it all the rhetoric and posturing but he's saying NOTHING. It's just a load of old twaddle. Beware false idols!
Ha that was funny when he came out the diary room and ran into the innocents Rodrigo and Sophie. Bless them! Ooh but Bea touched the cursed man! Heheeeeeee. GOOD!
Siavash is the KING of going 'something has happened but I can't tell you what!' There's being enigmatic and then there's just being an irritant.
How can Charlie nominate Marcus and Siavash when he's been on the front line for Bea's most audacious stunts?!
David, please nominate Bea. Oh my god, he DIDN'T. Oh Jesus. Please don't let this happen again. David, you're an idiot. Ha and Bea nominated you and then lied to your face; sucker.
LOL to Marcus telling Bea he voted for her. Deal with it!
I like Sophie, despite the Kris thing. Ha, Bea, David and Marcus up! Bye Bea.
See how antsy David gets when he thinks he's going to get put up? Idiot. If Bea walks, he's the new target, let's destroy him. He's getting on my nerves.
Lisa lives again! Rules is rules. Zzzzz. DAVID Siavash still has his own mind! He doesn't have to vote if he doesn't want to; if BB is that bothered, they can chuck him out, can't they!
What's Rodrigo getting all aerated about? People are seriously worried, aren't they! The people with no faith in their own popularity. Charlie is attacking the wrong people as usual.
David on Ice! We wish. OMG the dark horse having a wank! Why announce it? Just do it privately! Why do they all want to see?! They happy slapped him! Ew, the belt buckle was undone!
At least he took it in good faith! Muchos LOLs.

Big Brother 10: I'm sorry, but it is funny

So are we going to have a positive or negative day? Ah, negative.
Bea: 'I've never had anything spat into my face before.' Well get used to it if you're going to go down Chinawhites when you get out; let Danielle Lloyd be a lesson to us all (in more ways than one). Charlie looked defeated in the fact of (non)spit-gate. Another scalp to claim en route to the biggest booing of all time.
Siavash declared Lenny Kravitz the coolest human being ever! Perhaps he meant 'mightiest douche'.
Warming to Lisa more than ever this week as she sees through Bea's Tiny Tears act. If she slaps the bitch, she could become my winner!
I like it when they get messages from home. It makes me realise they are human. Lisa got a message from some horror-movie style twins! Aw, they were kind of cute. LOL Siavash said it was like The Shining!
I actually felt something for Charlie too! I thought his mum had been in a coma for years, but it's six months. Maybe she will come out of it, then. You never know. (But let's not get our issues confused, he's not our winner). He looked like his dad! Rodrigo's face when he came back out; you can tell he really loves him, underneath all that hurt.
LOL to Bea's message 'maybe your mum was busy.' More likely she's disowned you, you psychotic munt. Bea's friend must be touched that she so appreciated her message. Every time Bea cries, it makes my heart soar. Genuinely. Seriously, if you gave her the moon on a stick, she'd want the moon on a stick, but carried by the rarest butterflies on the planet. You've not seen your mum for four or five weeks! Get a grip, you idiot. OMG why is BB even telling her that her mum didn't want to appear on TV? They shouldn't tell her ANYTHING! Keep that bitch suffering! Bad Big Brother! That's telling them stuff from home! God, if I'd given birth to that, I'd be ashamed to show my face too. She's fucking nutso.
Aw David's family have had T-shirts made with his picture on. I hope it says 'Fat Cunt' on the back. Jesus, stop blubbing, man!
ARGH my freeview cut out for about ten minutes on the middle. Boo! I wanna see Marcus's message. Right, I'm going to watch this again on the plus one. Haha, Bea's friend's message was even funnier the second time round in the aftermath of the crocodile river!
What's up with Siavash? I thought he was freaking because it wasn't his dad.
Urgh, the REAL Mighty Douche is back to give a message to Sophie! Woo, 'she's nailing the tasks'! Who said romance is dead? Fuck off Kris, you dickhead. 'Love you lots...' but not as much as he loves himself (or All Saints).
Haha omg Bea still going on about that video, she listed that person about 4839338420 down her list of people who she wanted to hear from. What a CUNT! Haha, Rodrigo and Charlie laughing about it was good.
OMG they really dug her out about it; that was marvellous. You can tell she's literally never been crossed in her life. Did she just admit she had no friends? Heheheeheheeeee! Her mum is gonna get it in the NECK!
Go on, Roddy, stick to your guns! Stop saying sorry to her! Stop feeding her cunt-fire! OMG Rodrigo and Marcus laughing at Bea's misfortune; I love it!
Kris... such a nice personality... I don't think so, Sonny Jim.
I missed the last bit after the break because my box died again. Oh well. I got the idea.
The only fate worse than being locked in that house with Bea, is being Bea herself. That would be some REAL torture. That poor, poor girl.

Big Brother 10: It's offensive to clowns to call him a clown

Soz I didn't blog last night, it was a good 'un, too but I had my tonsils out yesterday so I am in the recovery position for the next two weeks. The worst part is, I can't shout at the TV! I can't even talk! Arghhhh. Bea is not aiding my recovery.
Rodrigo's rage was amazing; he made the diary room shake again! Charlie is such a nasty little bastard, I really hate his 'I'm innocent' act. Rodrigo is a volcano! His fury is a wonder to behold. Lucky he looks like a choir boy and not like Marcus or he would have been out of that house many moons ago.
The show has definitely lost something with Freddie gone and I hated seeing Bea gloating.
David was quite right to try and warn Rodrigo about his behaviour for his own good. Clowns make us laugh! LOL. Oh God, when Bea's doing the counselling, RUN!
Good to see Lisa and David are onto Bea. Bea you fucking idiot, it's obvious that some letters will have more words than others; thats why you picked at random, you dimwit. God, I'd hate to go to a pub quiz with this bitch, she's utterly ruthless.
Marcus: bollocks/ bastard/ barrionics?!
LOL to Rodrigo being just as shit at the task in Portuguese. Haha, Sophie tried to have OMG as a word beginning with O!
Charlie 'see no evil, hear no evil' thinks everyone really gets on! Yeah, and you're going to win BB!
Bedgate! Zzzz (literally). Why is Bea always moving beds? She wants whatever she can't have! She's the Princess and the Bea (that was poor, I apologise). If she's not up for eviction this week, it'd be a fucking miracle. No wonder Siavash doesn't want to sleep next to the dried up old bint. Then she's still pouring the poison in as Siavash is being kind in the diary room. God, get her out! I can't stand it. The way she talks to everyone is so passive/aggressive.
Marcus's bitching session in the diary room was lush. More Marcus!
I'm glad Charlie spat on that cunt. She was laughing at first! It's only water. She deserves spitting on. Watch her whip it up now. Guess you picked the wrong bed after all, you dick. Argh, get out of my sight.

Big Brother 10: All the fucking best, Marcus

I can't believe we're going to lose either Freddie or Marcus tonight, I'm gutted! Still, I suppose we should be grateful it's happened in this late stage. Imagine if we'd lost them early; the show would have died on it's arse.
But how can we be grateful, when Lisa and David are scowling on the bench, reveling in their own inanity?
Postive! Negative! This makes Noirin's 'friends' schtick look underdone. Freddie's correct, it is projection. Bea is projecting all over the gaffe. The thing she didn't like most in that conversation was 'four million people'. She must KNOW in her heart of hearts that she is poison. She must.
Also, didn't Rodrigo take that Queen task well. I felt upset at them making a fool of him, but he dealt with it really brilliantly; how funny he can brush off that yet gets annoyed about the silliest thing. He really is a charming, lovely person and a worthy winner, unlike the bland plank Charlie who can't see what's going on right in front of his mush. The Bea-ranny lives on; how she swung that conversation with Marcus to him 'bullying' her was utterly pathetic, she is truly deranged. I liked it when Freddie laughed at her for being a stinking hypocrite! Charlie is just see no evil, hear no evil, he's such a shit judge of character. He's an empty vessel.
I like the fact Freddie can't be fucked to get dressed. Who would in that house of plebs?
I liked Marcus's fan mail and him moaning about it being the cameras fault because he's ugly.
Hi David, what does retard mean? You don't need to answer with words of more than one syllable, just draw us a diagram, you fucking spazz.
Haha to BB telling David off, although it seems wrong for BB to intervene like that. Really weird, actually. Although glad it riled Bea. Ner ner.
Lisa was actually right about Bea, but yet another person (David) not understanding when someone was trying to help them (and it's not often Lisa tries to help anyone).
We just called up to evict Freddie three times purely off the back of the memory of Marcus calling David a fat whinging cunt. Appreciate!
Urgh the bullying of Freddie reminds me so much of the old days. Bea has SEEN it, how can she ringlead it? She's tapped.
Ad break: I'm accesorising my underarms with bingo wings! That cannabis advert! ALL that from cannabis? All I've ever got is a little tired. They're overselling it.
Wetherspoons in Bristol is pretty banging? How? They don't play music in Wetherspoons! Bea, you're not as posh as you think you are, love.
Freddie's giving out his pick up lines, Mystery style! Ceasar salad! Far out, dude. Engaging the group! Pick your set! Freddie IS the pick-up artist.
Love Marcus! He's such a cheeky imp.
David you're a t-w-a-t. Oh Bea's hurt her wrist! Where there's blame there's a claim!
Do you think Lisa's going to roll around in her giant bag of tobacco as if it was catnip? I reckon her and David are fit to turn on Bea. As thick as they are, they must see it. 'Don't rise to it, Bea.' What? Someone larking around enjoying themselves? She has got nothing but poison running through her veins. What perfume does she wear; Vitriol for cunts?
Derren! Do a mind-game on Bea and evict her via magic!
Lisa and Marcus chumming up! It brings a tear to my eye... well OK, maybe not.
Ad break. Kevin Bishop is actually good. Ad break. I'd rather brush Marcus's ponytail every day for a thousand years than be in a 'flash mob'.
YAY we did it! Bea crushed Freddie, but Marcus stayed. That's people power. The cockroach has left the building! I can't believe Freddie's gone. He shouldn't have gone before Lisa/ Charlie et al.
But Marcus has been gold since Noirin left.
Freddie's pride has gone before a fall. Public schoolboys don't blub! LOL.
Cock-blocking Bea-ts! I don't want Freddie to be defined by the Bea-ness. He is more than the sum of her parts.
It's a bit unfair to say Freddie's not that good at reading people; no one could have seen it coming what a nutbar she was. Davina was too harsh on him! He's the people's prince!
Shut up John McCruick, you dope. Go drink some Diet Coke.
Yay they pulled out Freddie's Edward Norton moment! That was ace. Judi James is talking out of her arsehole, it must be said. Freddie had every right to attack them in the final stages.
Sophie is not going to win; she's a fucking numbskull.
Freddie was not given enough respect in that interview. He deserved better.
HMM! Bye Freddie. Love you. You woz robbed. Marcus to win. Every single person in that house nominated Marcus this week. That dark horse is truly irrepressible! Rargh.

Big Brother 10: Bagpipes from BB

The witch is dead! Not really, she's just spouted two heads.
Negative/ positive, blah blah blah. Freddie called Bea ugly (underhandedly). Heheee.My bran just switches off when Bea starts talking now.
It's just like white noise, utter claptrap.Take your auras, and your healing crystals and shove up your haggard, miserable arse. You're not good at 'etiquette' but you've got a gold star in shit stirring. Oh Bea didn't get what she wanted in the game again. Can you imagine being friends with the 6-year-old Bea? Terrifying. She makes (Corrie analogies, bear with me!) David Platt look like Simon Barlow.
Marcus vanity! Wiggly curl. I don't fancy him any more as a result of that wiggly curl! God, he's giving Bea a run for her money in the idiocy stakes. You do have a stupid neck and forehead; and that's the least of your problems. I think Marcus has body dysmorphia and sees himself as Johnny Depp, but cuter.
Christ I phased out for about fifteen minutes in the middle it was so boring. Get used to that feeling when Marcus goes.
Yeah I'm sure Bea would have thrown herself wholeheartedly into the task where she had to wade headfirst in bullshit; she's used to it anyway. At least Siavash and Marcus didn't complain. Imagine Rodrigo doing it!
Haha Freddie called Charlie out for nominating him and being a duplicitous little wank stain. However, evict Freddie for saying 'Marcus is going to go home'. EVICT HIM before his head is too big to get out the fucking door. Even the idiots have twigged that one.
Freddie's Scottish accent is worse than Eminem's one in Bagpipes from Baghdad. He didn't twig Bea nommed him, did he.
Lisa: 'life's a bitch and then you die.' David: 'life's a bitch and then you marry one.' Where would we be without these profound words of wisdom? I bow down to their originality and creativity! I gaze in awe at their intellect and beauty!
Horse-racing; Lisa came second. Enjoy that feeling because it's more than you'll get in this game.
Bit boring tonight, and it can only get worse as they try and coast towards the final. Might be time to bring in Siavash's girlfriend?
Oh and vote Freddie OUT! Don't get me wrong, if he survives this week, I'll back him again, but with Marcus you get the matrix, the big brother brain, and magic tree vanillarama! You know it makes sense.

Big Brother 10: Emotionally terrorised

Brace yourself, because I turned my swearometer up to ten for this blog.
I've got a bad feeling about the nominations today after Siavash, Marcus and Freddie's naughtiness yesterday. It makes them such an easy target. Such a stupid thing to do the day before nominations.
Rodrigo actually listens when Freddie apologises unlike chief gargoyles Lisa, David and Charlie.
What are the things in Siavash's book you can never ever come back from? Snogging someone else whilst in a relationship? He's so right about Bea though. Bea has engineered the downfall of Freddie, but WHY? She has been on the outside, she knows we hate Lisa. It's weirdly schizo.
Ooh Marcus hasn't forgotten Siavash's past misdemeanors. Can we say agenda! Marcus is right in a small way though; Siavash does often deflect attention from his own crimes, merely by swanning round like a mellow deity. But that's just his schtick.
Marcus: 'don't trust anyone- apart from me.' Is that your unbiased opinion?
Maintaining negativity! Oooh, selling down the river! Truth. Oh, someone's 'picking on Bea' again; first the tyranny of David, now Freddie! She's like a bully magnet, that one. No, you horse-faced horror, it's not everyone else, it's YOU. Freddie, just thank your lucky stars she's not your girlfriend, because she's so manipulative, she makes Noirin look like the girl next door. She is actually psychotic. She aint that upset cos she's still putting her mascara on.
Freddie just SAY IT! She's NUTSO. That fucking bitch! Four weeks he got bullied for in that house, he fought so hard to win them round, and she's just come in and destroyed him.
Yay Marcus defending Freddie. Good. Does Bea REALLY believe she's blameless? She must be off her fucking head.
It's interesting to see who was scared when they allowed them to discuss nominations (David) and who wasn't (Freddie). Got something to hide, David?
I liked Rodrigo's indignation at Charlie nominating him. Rodrigo rage! I like watching them squirm. Lisa is such a jobsworth. And David, 'it's taken the fun out of it'- what, the backstabbing? Idiot.
OMG BEA ADMITTED SHE'S NOMINATING MARCUS AND FREDDIE! Can that girl sink ANY lower? She's a fucking disgrace. Her mother should be ashamed. Cosying up to Lisa? VILE. I just don't.get.it. Is she stupid? I actually hate her guts. You were meant to be on our side!
WHAT! Then she nominated David! That girl can't even lie straight in bed. She's fucking tapped! She could have done Lisa instead.
WTF! Freddie nominated MARCUS??? After the way Bea spoke to him? What is he on??? Oh fuck you, Freddie, seriously, we are done. DONE! Marcus to win. Siavash to win. Rodrigo to win. Fuck off Freddie, you twat, you are totally cuntstruck. Grow some fucking balls, you pillock, Marcus was just defending you out there. And BB, can we please see the reason why he nominated Marcus? Seriously, your editing team should be fucking burnt alongside Bea and Freddie's 100K hopes.
We are stuck with Lisa until the end now. Do you know that? I'm FURIOUS!
OH Freddie nominated Marcus because Marcus want to go home (and I quote from last night's live feed) 'eat fish and chips, have sex, watch TV, play with his toys, and start a fight on the Big Brother forum'. They can't LET Freddie nominate Marcus for those reasons. Cancel his nominations immediately! BB, these contestants are making monkeys out of you.
BUT STILL Freddie should have nominated Bea, so sod him.
Oh no, David likes Queer as Folk! *burns boxset*
The nominations are a crock this week. Fuck you. This is the end of Marcus. I'm sad. He stays up late and provides all the entertainment in that house, unless you like Sophie and Lisa singing fucking show tunes. And if you do, you're a fucking twat.
LOL at Rodrigo checking out Sophie's boobs.
Drop dead Bea. Seriously. Just stop talking. You just got Marcus kicked out that house, are you happy? Now I have two weeks off sick coming up with no Marcus to provide the LOLs on live feed. I hope you are happy, you hateful harridan. Freddie looks like he's about to have a nervous breakdown. Even I as a viewer feel emotionally terrorised!
Hallelujah; she is NOT A NICE PERSON. Did the penny drop? Free love!
Aw Rodrigo, you're our last hope, sweetie. Freddie: TELL HER TO FUCK OFF. NOW! You could win this show. Ooh he's gone into Edward Norton mode. Stick it to the bitch! You should have nominated her, Halfwit. Convulsions! Heheeheeeee.
I feel angry at the outcome tonight. Lisa wins. Either way; she wins. Neither Freddie nor Marcus should be leaving that house before her. All we've got to look forward to now is the retards turning on each other.

Big Brother 10: Do Not Pass Go

Everyone's soooo naughty in BB this year. Anarchy rules! OMG babies crying AND Freddie singing! I pray for deafness.
I liked their little protest, it was cute. At least they've got personality. Freddie's gone all anarchist! At last. I love the way Marcus talks to BB. 'Shut the fuck up, you dimwit.' and the old classic 'lick my love pump'! LOL. Is BB going to come out and manhandle them into jail? No. Is BB going to kick them out? No.
Rodrigo and Charlie's rubbish arguments continue. Zzz.
Bea must be destroyed. She is so evil makes Lisa look like Rodrigo. I've never heard anyone complain so much about other people whilst polishing her halo of shit.
I like it when BB punishes the whole house for something a couple of people do. Why do they do it, asks Lisa. Purely to annoy you.
Aw Rodrigo trying to stand up for what's right. Bless him.
I'd be fucked off about the food being taken away, I must say. I don't think Lisa's going to take it too well. Sorry doesn't help! Oh, Bea LIKES David's cooking now. She said he was using it to stay in the other day.
Poor Freddie. Whatever he says to Bea he loses. Bea you're right, you don't need a mediator, you need a fucking smack in the chops, and I bet I won't be first in the queue.
David-absolutely-pathetic-fat-whinging-cunt-fucking-idiot, you need to diet anyway!
I like it when Sophie takes Marcus to task. Then Marcus blamed Siavash and Freddie! It IS arrogant. She's spot on. Marcus is so AWARE of being on TV.
Marcus and his computer friends! They're my favourite kind.
Ooh that was a stinger when Bea said she didn't think Freddie was as clever as he thinks he is IN FRONT OF LISA AND DAVID. Disloyal! Nominate the bitch! She's projecting all over you.
Bea all you do is reveal yourself as loyal to NO ONE. And no one, not even idiot boxes Lisa and David want to be friends with THAT.
I saw the bedroom conversation go on for about 100 more hours on live feed, and she brow beat him into submission. Free love! Has anyone ever advertised themselves so falsely on their intro vid? She should be apologising to HIM! Nasty bitch.
'It's not fair you inflict this feeling on me-your feelings are your own, dear.

Big Brother 10: Imagine the Queen

Frostie-gate! They're grrrrrrrreat! Tony the Tiger has got nothing on this lot. Lisa aint legally obliged to give you Frosties for fags, Bea. Bea IS a spoilt brat! OMG they weren't even real Frosties!!! Frosted Flakes! Faux-rosties! Tony the Tiger is now sobbing in his grave. They're faaaaaaaaaaake! It brought out the tiger in Lisa. No one's gonna enjoy those supermarket-own brand Frosties now.
Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! I kinda don't want Lisa to go now, just because it justifies the Bea-stliness. Hira exercises through the ruckus.
Hira's got a gamplan! What is it? Bad singing and shit exercises? Marcus having a go at Hira for swearing? Now if she called him a fat, whinging cunt, I'd give her kudos.
Hate Freddie being so sure Lisa is going to go. Just want to prove him wrong. I personally think it's between Hira, Lisa and David.
I want some TM! Oh dear, it's all gonna end in tears! I hope no one was trying to sleep in that room. Oh dear, poor Hira! Aw, nice to see them all having fun.
Urgh Charlie is an arsehole! See him push Rodrigo? I didn't like that. Nasty bastard. You are not the public's favourite, we have hated you since day one, you fake fuck. I liked it when the whole diary room shook from Rodrigo's anger. Feel his force! I LOVE Rodrigo's rage! He is brilliant! In the first three weeks he did NOTHING and he was still brilliant. That whole diary room was about to collapse any minute, it's made solely of cardboard. Rodrigo to win, I love the fire in his eyes. He really means it.
LOL to him not sitting on the chair. Don't put Rodrigo in a corner! The diary room looks massive. It's like a vortex.
I like Sophie, she's funny! I'd like to go on a night out with her! At least I wouldn't embarrass myself to this degree.
I HATE Charlie! I hate him so much. You are NOT a cheeky chappie, you're a nasty cunt. Fuck you. I don't care about your personal life, you're a crap housemate, and you pushed Rodrigo, the people's prince. Imagine the Queen! I heard she's disgusted.
I kind of want Lisa to stay. She's like a war hero. She is awful, but she's an original. And I'd love to see Freddie's face.
Here we go! Oooh, it's good when it's wide open, I'm excited. 'You are safe'; this isn't they way BB works. I'm glad Lisa was saved as it's one in the eye for Team Smug. But did they know it was a vote to save? Now they'll probably think Hira did something awful!
Well, can't say I'm that excited about Hira's interview; bet Bob Mortimer's depressed about that.
OMG Emma Kennedy; I hate her so much. I can't even remember who she is, except I hate her. Sort your hair out.
I want to be the girl with the most cake. Thank god she had that cake moment, or it would have been a total wash-out. They should have done a double-eviction, to make her interview less shit.
Well done, Hira, you're retarded, and your main highlights weren't even shown in the main show.
Hira is right; Rodrigo to win! You know it makes sense.

Big Brother 10: Oh Lisa you're making me cum!

God, is Bea not used to not getting what she wants, or what? Her face when she wasn't Alice! She seems to think she's entitled to something; well all you're entitled to is a booing, so enjoy it cos your time is coming.
Siavash looked cool as the white rabbit. He'll go orange if he eats all those carrots.
I got 'smile like you mean it' about a second after it started. Aw, Brandon, Marcus knew!
Rodrigo's grinning was good. Lovely teeth. I liked the Alice in Wonderland theme, it was trippy. Mmm, cake. I kind of like Hira a bit. She's nothingy, but with a sense of goodness about her. She looked cute as a blonde. It's gonna take a LOT of her hand waving aerobics to work that lot off. She was DETERMINED, though. She's got grit. It was surreal beauty in that task room.
Haha Bea's face when she got nommed! Has any one person's perception of herself been so off kilter with their actual personality? (well, yes, Freddie..!)
Ooh Rodrigo is obviously worried! Haha, 'if you want to go home, open the door and leave!' Loving Rodrigo. He's got spirit, that fella.
Bea, David didn't put you up on his own, did he, the rest of the house DON'T like you, that's why you were up, you horse-faced twat-magnet.
Oh, Lisa is REALLY scared about going home. Rodrigo is on about disrespecting the house again; what about when he chucked cooking oil at the wall? Short memory!
Freddie is getting so bolshy, these days, it's really unpleasant. Still, I enjoyed the ruckus. See Lisa just bolt when it kicks off. Imagine him talking to her like that three weeks ago? He wouldn't have DARED!
Bea: 'why do you dislike me?' David: 'well where do you want me to start?' LOL!
Ooh Lisa's back! Now is your chance to shine! Come on, take the situation by the scruff of it's neck; I dare you! 'Oh Lisa you're making me cum!' OMG. DON'T!
OH MY GOD, FREDDIE! He literally just HAMMERED nails into his coffin. 'I'm staying because the public like me'. Doesn't he realise that opinions aren't static? Oh dear. What a fool. You're making me side with LISA!
HAHAHA OMG Marcus called David a fat CUNT! That's the best thing I've ever seen on BB. Even I wouldn't dare do that in the BB house. I love Marcus. He really doesn't give a fuck. He runs that house. He IS the irrepressible dark horse.
Freddie and Bea and their gamplan schtick is unbearable. THEY HATE YOU. IT'S NOT A GAMEPLAN.
Punked/ punched? Either way, Marcus wins. Sick of David now. Yes, you made a mistake, go say sorry to Marcus, hehe.
Haha, sorry for calling you a fat cunt. No problemo!
God, I feel really fed up with Freddie! It's sad for me, because I was such a champion of his, I felt like I could forgive him anything. At this rate bloody Charlie will walk off with it.
Nice to see Bea and David making up; maybe rowing does clear the air!
I liked the diddy diary room chair. God, Hira is having one bad trip, man. That was worse than a rainy Glastonbury. I think I could cry after eating all that cake.
Night of the fat cunt. Let's not forget it's endless joy. Marcus or Rodrigo to win. And that's that.