Friday, 17 August 2018
Celebrity Big Brother 2018: Launch and backstage goss!
Once again, we were so lucky to be invited to the house with our fellow superfans. As usual I had actively avoided seeing house pics or housemate rumours so it was all a surprise to me on the day.
This meant actually going into the house was quite disorientating as we weren't allowed into the living room or garden this time and the layout had changed quite a bit.
The house looked divine though, very me, with lots of ornaments and chintzy rugs, plastic chandeliers etc (that's basically my house). The only other major change was the enclosed staircase. We didn't get to see the diary room this time, but when I saw the chair, I was pleased with it.
We had a great time poking through the cupboards and taking loads of photos. There's a house tour video filmed by my podcast co-host Gaz here where he explores every nook and cranny as well as tons of photos from the house I took here and here.
Rylan was lovely as usual, taking group photos for us and posing for selfies (and also added us on Twitter, cheers!) They treat us very well when we're there - although where was the Prosecco this time? *insert Kim Woodburn waving a bottle here*.
In the bar waiting to go in the launch, we got interviews with Chelsea Singh (I know, right) and Staci Francis (Gaz's doing) which will be on the next BB on Blast podcast (coming on Sunday!) And don't worry, we'll still be podding BBUS, too (I know all two of you were worried there).
When we finally got in the audience we were in our usual spot, and only the superfans were allowed to tweet, not even the friends and fam (exciting). We were told jokingly this was because Twitter would dry up without us, haha.
The set looked great outside, too, I loved all the neon and the cars driving the housemates in was decent, it just meant there was less room for the crowd. But it was a nice old skool touch. Seeing the same car reversing out of a very tight space for each housemate was quite funny, too.
I will comment on my experience just from watching live, and then I will watch the show and comment on the housemates. My live observations were that Emma's hair looked more bonkers than ever and the drone is really fucking noisy and irritating.
The friends and family interviews before we even had a chance to meet the housemates properly was unforgivable. The amount of time we saw housemates meet and greet each other was the shortest I've ever seen. I mean, that's a massive part of the joy isn't it, seeing these different characters come together and interact? Friends and families belong on BBBOTS. I do wonder whose idea this was and why it happened. It's missteps like this that make me think 'huh?' After being invited to the Q&A with the producers last week, who were extremely clued up and experienced about the show, it's quite baffling.
OK, I'm going to watch the show now and see what I missed in the throng of the crowd! I heard there's a new theme tune! I'm nervous!
Watching the intro package reminds me I had to stop Gaz from 'ooh oohing'. The title sequence and the set looks great on TV too, all the neon is very visual.
It's funny in the script they still have all the references to fake news, the president etc which were obviously related to Stormy Daniels who never showed up. God bless 'em, they tried to cover it a bit but... not really.
The house looks soooo much bigger on TV. The kitchen looked huge with Emma in it but it's quite poky in there. Weird the kitchen backs onto the bedroom, will no doubt cause some rows. Only one bedroom, too. It's funny seeing Emma pointing out things Gaz already pointed out on our house tour, haha. First!
Emma: 'You've all seen the pictures.' I hadn't! (Bad superfan).
Imagine if they had that lattice wall on BBUS! The whispering would have to turn up a knotch. Ooh, I like that mirror with the monkeys on. I love the colours in the garden and the living room, too. Blue and yellow reminds me of the splish splash room in BBUS, haha. Couch looks nice.
The superfans were a bit torn on Emma popping up on the screen to evict people, but I don't care about that. We're used to it with Chenbot! The pool looks bigger than normal, at least you can do (short) laps.
Emma's house tour seems long as fuck both IRL and on TV.
I love the diary room corridor! So kitsch. I think this might be the most 'me' house ever. I would love to have sat in that DR chair! Looks so good.
OK, onto the housemates. First up, Kirstie Alley. She used to be in Cheers. I barely remember that, but I remember her as an actress when she was younger. I hope her storyline goes beyond her weight. I think she should be quite a fiery character and she's a big booking. Shes not Stormy, but Big Brother will try and squeeze her into that role of 'don't fuck with me older lady' anyway, haha. Let's hope she's more Kim Woodburn than Ann Widdecombe. Oh who am I kidding, Ann was a great character, too.
I liked Kirstie's pink shoes and purple coat. Definite Ursula from the Little Mermaid vibes. That's some big old hair she's got there. Nearly as big as Emma's.
I'm not really a fan of the more jazz piano incidental music, to be honest, even though Gaz was digging it on the night. I don't like change!
I do like the dynamic of them going down the corridor in complete silence and you can hear their thoughts there, too. Kirstie likes the house '1930s Hollywood, exquisite...'
Then the stupid twist commenced (more of a waste of time on launch night when I want to get to know the housemates). So Kirstie because the BB President (isn't that someone on Twitter?) She's hoping she doesn't get assassinated.
Hold on, the public had to vote based on Kirstie asking questions of the other housemates? I don't remember one question she asked! They showed fuck all from inside the house! Not much of a twist, as a new housemate will ask questions of other housemates anyway.
Next in was Ryan Thomas aka Jason from Corrie. I always liked him in Corrie and I think he's probably a decent bloke. I could see him winning it. I do wish he'd sort his hair out though, it's gone a bit David Platt. Just let it go, Jason. Sorry, I won't call him Jason as it's confusing. His on-screen brother Todd (Bruno Langley) would be a better booking after he got sacked for groping women. I'd love to witness that mess of a redemption story.
Ooh, in car footage! Cool.
That was very smooth of him to say 'Look who's talking now' to Kirstie. He's done his research ala Perez.
Next in is footballer Jermaine Pennant, a footballer and bad boy (aren't they the same thing?) He was charged with drink driving while banned from driving and went to prison for three months, then wore a tag on the pitch. He later crashed his car drink driving. Um, mate, stop drink driving! He'd never do it again. Of course he won't, not until the next time (bit of Morrissey for you there).
Ah he got a couple of boos and now he is shook, lol. I booed him and the people in front of me looked upset but they weren’t with him. Drink driving is gross. Kill yourself by all means, but don't put others at risk. Also: no socks on. Wrong 'un.
Had a strong Sezer-esque intro statement: 'Let the games begin.' Bhahahaha!
Next in is Chloe Ayling, someone I predicted would go in the house about a month ago when I heard the theme was notorious people. She looked like Lauren Harries in silhouette. She basically got kidnapped and they tried to sell her on the dark web but no one believed her, they just thought she was a glamour girl and magazine dealer. To be honest, I saw her being interviewed and she didn't seem very plausible. But I think she's just one of these people that comes across a bit impassive, even when describing her own kidnapping ordeal. I like her, I think she's good casting. She seems sweet and a good fit for BB. Are people really moaning she's not a real celeb? Get in the sea. I like the 'scandal' type people.
Chloe has a new twist on the boob laces, as pointed out by Gaz: the thigh lace. Sophisticated. Ooh they go up the side, too.
Emma is doing the voiceover on these VTs like she's Trevor McDonald.
I liked when she said she was 'looking forward to the tasks' - she must have heard Trevor Boris was coming. We've got a gamer on our hands here! Hold on, she's never seen an episode of Big Brother before?! Lies.
Jermaine looked her up and down when she came in like a right lech.
OMG next in was the Human Ken Doll! Rodrigo! And they played Flawless (absolutely flawless!) Many lols. He's my winner pick. He will be great TV. He is amazing to even look at. He doesn't even need to speak. How old is he?! He had four ribs removed so he looks better when wearing a blazer, ha (and he carries them round in a jar?!). He is a 'real person with emotions'. They just don't show on his face. If I'd put a bet on last night, I would have put an ill placed bet on him, just like I did with India. Omg look at his baby pink suit! Look at his frilly shirt! Look at his white hair! He said 'what a beautiful crowd' haha. Cheers mate. I like the fact he was boasting they'd been trying to get him on for years. I wonder what he looks like first thing in the morning. He likes to have his dinner at exactly 8.30. Maybe he likes to play HQ at 9. Going down the corridor he said 'what a crowd' (thanks again) and 'I need a drink'. I did too!
Why so little footage on the housemates meeting and greeting each other? Did they run out of time? Did the house tour run too long? I don't get it. I know we'll see it tonight, but it's not the same.
Next in is Dan Osborne from TOWIE (I thought he was from Hollyoaks) who left a voicemail for his ex (who he left when she was pregnant for Lauren from Eastenders) threatening to put her in hospital if she got a new boyfriend. I listened to it and it's terrifying. And I'm told not to boo? It's my legal right to boo this motherfucker. Then the plot thickens as he and Ryan have both dated the same person, this Gabby from Love Island (coming up next).
Dan: 'Most people say things when they're angry.' Er, not that they don't. Just his smug face is already bugging me. He is an absolute cunt. He'll probably win. A vote for him is a vote for domestic violence as far as I'm concerned. Threats to kill a woman? No redemption story for him, thanks. Not on my watch.
Ryan and Dan will be friends. In fact I could see all these guys in so far being bros.
Next is Gabby Allen from Love Island. Do we have to put up with this Love Island detritus? Stay on your own show! We don't want you. She's whining about being cheated on. Well done, you're a human being. We've all been there. You're not relatable. Go away. Mind you, if that's the extent of the UK reality TV jetsam I can deal.
OMG her suit as well. Disgusting. She looked like a pearly queen. Emma immediately slut shaming 'that is a very pretty bra'. Stop. Gabby is a huge 'health and fitness fan'. Yuck. She looks like a knob, I can see why she was attracted to Dan.
Jermaine also eyeing her up like a piece of meat. Urgh, footballers.
I had to take my headphones out for the friends and family bit, I can't watch that again. Who cares what the Poundland Andrew Brady thinks!? It actually makes me angry that we're denied first night footage (essentially live feed) for this sub-BOTS bollocks. And I had several voicemails saying the same!
Emma looks like she's just going through the motions to me. I really wish Rylan was the main presenter. I want his BOTS enthusiasm and kindness to housemates on the main show.
Then Emma tells us Kirstie is interviewing everyone in there... but doesn't show us it. Great.
Next in is Hardeep Singh Kohli. I don't know who he is but sounds like he felt someone up. Let me investigate for one second. Oh, apparently he sexually harrassed a researcher. That's nice. Me too plus power dynamics. But he's a comedian! What if he's funny? We could have a new Jim Davidson on our hands, people. SIGH. 'It was a challenging time'. For her even more so, I'm sure.
He’s interested in people. Too interested, apparently. he says, 'The BB house is a commune' and 'It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never gone in the CBB house.' Good soundbites, it's a shame he's a creep (at the very least). Also wearing a kilt. Cultural appropriation? Oh no, he's Scottish, haha.
I like the fact he bored himself talking to Emma and then went 'blah, blah, blah.' Indeed.
As he went in someone asked him 'what’s your name?' And he said, ‘Whatever you want it to be.’ He's been practising that one, along with 'Hardeep is your love.' Apparently 'it's an honour' to meet drink driving footballer Jermaine. Isn't it great how all your sins get written off if you can kick a ball? Must be nice.
And if you thought he was trouble, you haven't met this full time DICKWAD from Married at First Sight yet. Ben Jardine. For my sins, I sat through the entire programme, and he never wanted to be married. I felt really sorry for her as she had feeling for him and he cheated on her AFTER A WEEK. He is the biggest magazine dealer on the planet and talks like a high pitched Danny Dyer without the wit. Yes, imagine that. Even his face is annoying.
He said his former 'wife' ‘kiss and telled on me’. So he's a moron, as well as a twat. I did enjoy, 'I’m not a love rat, I’m a love mouse’ though. His 'scared of living with 12 strangers instead of one’ line was good, what cue card did he read that off? I do like his shirt though. He feels 'judged' by Emma. It's OK, you're a man, you'll be alright. Ben 'Let's Carpe Diem this shit.' God, I hate him. Argh, his voice!
The show was kind of downhill from here (except for Natalie), with Roxanne from Emmerdale (me neither) who is a potential fencesitter, so I'm told. Apparently she had an argument with Jason Gardiner on This Morning cos he called her bland. That's not a good sign. I guess it's a good sign she argued against it.
She was in a car crash (so what?) and is engaged (zzz). I like her fringe. When she 'unravels' it's like 'Disney gone wrong.' Did some odd high kicks as she went in.
She appeared to have some dust/ cocaine on her boobs going down the stairs which she then licked off. That was quite amusing. Does she think there's no camera in that bit? She doesn't drink. I'm always suspicious of that, ha.
After that we got 'psychic' Sally (come back Derek Acorah) from whom we can expect ‘honesty fun and ghosts’. I like the fact she took her heels off to go down stairs. I liked her weight loss joke about being a medium. You ARE a liar, though. She says someone's about to walk! Let's see if that's true.
Now we have who should have gone in last, Natalie Munn. I didn't know the name, but I recognised her from marriage boot camp. We were stood behind her friends who made us vote for her for vice president. I wanted to vote for human Ken doll (HKD).
Natalie is a self proclaimed queen, who said 'If u don’t like it turn the channel' I like her crown and feathers. She's like a more messy Ika - and if we can get Natalie, why not Ika or Omarosa? Good TV is good TV, who cares how famous they are? She enjoys a Twitter beef and told Paris Hilton to 'eat her pussy.' She takes a shower and brushes her teeth in the morning, so that's good to know.
Emma goes to her, ‘You know in Britain were more reserved.’ This is why I don’t like Emma - why say that to a messy housemate? We want the mess! Came out to Aretha Franklin which may have been a bit much for some tastes (RIP).
It's funny because I like the American scripted reality people, but I hate the UK scripted reality people!
Oh Paul Oakenfold remixed the theme tune. I still hate it. He must be about 60 now, ha.
And finally we get Nick Leeson (a dead ringer for James Whale - James Fail?) who made a bank collapse, losing 800 million quid. I vaguely remember the story from when I was a kid, but really WHO CARES? Chloe was kidnapped and put in a bag. This guy is dry as toast. His interview with Emma was PAINFUL. He has lots of stories to tell. Thankfully, they'll never make the edit. Fair enough, be notorious, but at least be INTERESTING! We were nearly falling asleep in the crowd so God knows how you felt at home.
We were crying out for Stormy at this point. Did this guy replace her? I'd love to know who was the late entry.
And then back to this dumb twist. The BB President (shout out) will have (Stormy's) private residence and can go in the garden. Great.
Then we got to vote on the app with zero information about what Kirstie actually found out about them, plus no footage of them, so the public just voted for arguably the most famous (in this country), Ryan. Well, that's going to make for a dull week.
And that was about that. Overall, I think it's a good mix of housemates. They might not be big names but there are people to hate without them being too annoying, and some quirky characters. There's not tons of deadwood. I'm cautiously optimistic.
Thanks again to Big Brother for the invite and check out our podcast on Sunday! Thanks for reading.