Big Brother 2013: Speaking on behalf of the public

Just voted to evict Charlie three times. It's worth a quid to try and wipe the smile off Gina's face. This bee task is pissing me off. Hazel to Gina: 'you put the b in bitch.' Ha.
Gina's never seen anyone stick her fingers up at her? Get used to it. Gina's even slagging off her minion Charlie. No one is safe!
Gina is being SO nasty to Hazel. I really don't like it. 'Peasants can't sit with me'? Really?
Did Emma just say Dexter's GIRLFRIEND is there!? She must be desperate, or in on the gameplan.
I can't even be bothered to comment on this boring task, they've even managed to make shitstirring boring.
I wish everyone would get off Hazel's back. It's making me feel sad inside.
This argument between Gina and Hazel was disgraceful. Gina was absolutely vicious. Calling another woman a dirty whore is vile and everyone all giggling about it is not much better. Something else that was horrible was Gina bringing the twins into it; they're Hazel's only friends in the house, plus it was hurtful to them, too.
I'm going to be really upset when Hazel goes tonight off the back off this bullshit. Gina was no better than a playground bully there. I don't get why she's still getting so much support on Twitter. What does she have to do for people to say 'enough'? I loved her, and I can't stand her now. Don't get me wrong, she's been great entertainment, but vote for her to win? I'd rather vote for the twins at this point (It actually hurt to write that).
UGH, Charlie's friend Sophie is there. 'Speaking on behalf of the public.' NO. At least some people were chanting at her. Hazel's friend should punch her. The crowd are a bunch of dickheads, and that's being polite.
Emma to Dexter's mum: 'Dexter's mum nominated the twins.' Dur. Sophie's boyfriend his kind of cute but seems thick as pigshit.
I do laugh when Gina calls Hazel 'the hobbit', though. Gina's never been called 'ugly' before. Try not calling people a 'dirty whore' then, it's quite ugly language and shows on your face.
Dexter: 'I'm receding so badly I need a hair transplant.' Ha.
Oh god, they're going to save three housemates. Please save Dexter first, not the idiot twins.
I love the fact Dexter has a pen in his hand. He's clicking it too.
UGH they saved Jack and Joe first! WHYYYYYYYY! WHY??? I swear it's Emma Willis doing it.
Yay, Dexter is safe again! Love Dexter's save face. What will his win face be like? I want Dexter to win again now, I really do. I hope he doesn't really fuck his game again this week. If Charlie goes, it will help his game.
Hazel patching things up with Charlie... hope it's not too late. I'm glad they showed that flashback of what Gina said. Hard evidence of Gina mixing! Gina's 'not bothered'. Not much. Why is she listening at the door then?! Gina is SPOILING for a fight! Who died and made her queen of the house (oh, Big Brother did).
Just felt my heart sink when Hazel got evicted. At least she gets her BOTS time and all that shit, Charlie will be out fifth and get fuck all.
Love Hazel still working it and posing despite the boos. You go girl! Professional! That smile she painted on was brilliant. Unflappable. She's hard as nails.
Oh God, now for the interview. Bet we don't get to hear a word. Please shut the eye, FFS. Oh, they did. Thank God. I'm so happy they did that, she doesn't deserve the lynching. They sound loud enough anyway.
I don't remember Daley being shown a clips package of him and Hazel? She lost the guy she liked and couldn't even talk about him for weeks afterwards, Have a heart, FFS.
Bet Emma tells her she's gone back to his GF. Notice they didn't show the ATTACK in that clips package. What a fucking joke.
Oh, how ironic that Hazel said 'it takes two to tango.' Hazel just said she thought he didn't have a girlfriend! I'm glad Hazel said Daley was the one with the girlfriend! God, where does Emma get off with the girlfriend thing?! Daley's girlfriend is Daley's responsibility! I'm glad Hazel said 'I got the blame cos I'm the girl.'
Hazel is coming across so articulate and ten times smarter than Emma. You can tell she's been waiting to get this off her chest. She even said she held her hands up! Is Emma going to mention the horrible thing Daley did?!
I can't believe they are showing the attack in the screen now! Gosh. Hazel looks beautiful tonight. Her eyes are SO blue.
Thought that was one of the best interviews ever, except the Daley subject went on too long, and (surprise) Gina's bullying of Hazel was not even mentioned. Emma threw her two or three crumbs, but the rest was just an onslaught. Sickening to see Gina lording it up now.
There's only one thing for it. Dexter FTW. Don't let me down.

Big Brother 2013: Where's the insect repellent?

I'm not really in the mood for BB tonight! I've just been watching BBUS and the bitch they've got on there makes Gina look like Rachel Rice. Predictably I like her, though. And she got voted for eviction ahead of a racist! That's pretty bad bitchery. Gold star for her on the bitchometer.
Meanwhile, back in our BB, we've got a bee task. Cue a zillion puns.
Dexter recognises 'Flight of the Bumblebee' when he hears it. You can't say that for many housemates.
How come Gina got nominated Queen Bee? Never good to wear a crown in Big Brother. You might get a bad case of power going to your head which can see you going out the door. Which is probably why they're doing it.
Twins: 'Gina's always getting secret tasks.' I can think of more tasks those idiots have got than her.
Hopefully Charlie being Gina's minion will count against her. I see they've remodelled the electric shock suit at last. Only took them about 8 years. The bee suits aren't as ridiculous, though. Although no expense has been spared on the goth socks.
WTF is this Zeo product placement? I've never seen that drink before.
Sophie's such a little grass! She so plays both sides. She always reports back. Snitch.
I wonder if they can squeeze a few more shots of Hazel's arse in?
I can't believe they are going to bully Hazel even MORE! Charlie: 'She's going to think it's a personal thing.' Do you think?
Sam's jokes were the lols! They showed some ruder ones on BOTS.
Gina: 'Tell them to work harder.' Charlie: 'Tell them to work harder.' God, this bitch is stupid.
Charlie: 'There's been too much bad language.' Hazel: 'Fuck off.' I like the way she doesn't beat around the bush.
I'm totally on Hazel's side! 'Worst task ever.' She's probably right. Except the wresting task. Gina is being a right bossy cow - obviously.
That toilet is disgusting.
Hazel didn't say 'fucking little bitches' under her breath, she said it quite loudly. Sophie, stop being a little snitch. I hate talk of 'true colours', it gets on my nerves.
Gina: 'I would have laughed it off.' Yeah. Sure you would, Gina. My boyfriend thinks they've set this task up deliberately to get rid of Charlie.
Charlie: 'She might not like being victimised.' No, you would have thought she'd be used to it.
I'm sick of hearing about how Charlie's a caring person and a good person. 'Aw, hope we didn't pick the wrong person.' Well you picked her, you sneaky cow. She is some passive aggressive arsehole.
Hazel is rummaging in her pants.
Gina took the video message from her boyfriend quick smart! Charlie's like 'hmm'. Who wants to hear from her arsehole friend Sophie anyway?
Why didn't she hide her stinger better? I hope Gina doesn't get her video as a result.
OMG Sophie is a right little grass! 'She aint even got her wings on either!' Shut up, YOUS is a little creep.
Gina is really getting on my nerves and her toady is even worse. Luckily Gina's not up, so let's stick it to Charlie instead. Argh, Gina is really getting on my wick. This could save Hazel this week. Who spells out the 'c.u.n.t'? Only a cunt would do that. Gina's never been so insulted in her entire life. What about when Charlie called you a prozzy? Keep talking Gina, your game is going up in smoke. And I think you're giving the producers exactly what they want.
Twin: 'can you eat toothpaste?' You probably could.
Gina seemed reticent when she was on the phone to her boyfriend. Why is her boyfriend allowed to say 'stay away from Hazel to her?' She was talking all over him! That was so awkward. He should have told her to reign in her rampant ego. It would have done her more of a favour.
Is Hazel cold in the DR? She seems kind of hunched. Probably because she's BEE-ing bullied. I'm so tired of Gina going on about Hazel, I really am. She's verging on bullying, she really is. I don't know how Hazel keeps her cool.
I've never seen such a houseful of sheep falling into line. Even Dexter toes the party line now.
Hazel has cracked me up this episode: 'I have a size 10 headache.' Hazel FTW! Dance, twinnies, dance.
Hazel: 'It feels like an earthquake.'
Dexter: 'I wish it was another 30 days.' My boyfriend: 'He must really hate his life.'
Shut up, Gina, who cares what your boyfriend thinks. Charlie picking up a crumb from Gina. Every bullshit thing that comes out of Gina's mouth is helping Hazel's game. Doesn't she realise?
And the lesson for today is: let's never put Gina in charge of the world. Beeeeeee good.

Big Brother 2013: Peace and tranquility

Who keeps ticking my 'blah' box? *shakes fist* Luckily I'm not Charlie and won't have an existential crisis over it.
Charlie is going to play the victim HARD. My boyfriend think she's going to go. He's nuts. Hazel will go. Hazel will be strung up.
Charlie: 'I never want to speak to Hazel again.' I wish she'd ended that sentence after the first five words. 'Hazel doesn't care about me.' I don't blame her!
Why is Dexter slagging Hazel for being tough? Being tough is a good thing.
Sophie (reluctantly): 'Are you alright, Charlie?' Sounds like she REALLY cares.
Twidiot thinks three million people are watching. Who's gonna tell him?
'Charlie is deep in conversation with Sam.' That's a deposition, not a conversation. I think Sam actually hates her for what she did to Callum. Sam is BIG TIME on his end game strategy here. Doesn't speak for two months, has a go at Dexter and then comforts Charlie? He's smarter than he looks.
Is it a Charlie special today? I'm sick of looking at her miserable face. She could wilt flowers!
Please stop showing the twins in the pool! How come women have to cover up their boobies and they're allowed to show theirs?
Hazel is scoffing at the mere idea of a best friend.
Sam is strategising hard! I swear he doesn't like Charlie. He's just woken up the the fact it doesn't look good that three others have ganged up on her. He's brave standing up to Gina on this. He might not know his alphabet but he knows his own mind. Gina looks like she's actually listening to him. I think she's twigging her game could be in jeopardy.
No one is talking to Hazel! Ooh twins realised Charlie is playing the victim. But will the public?
Are Charlie and Hazel still sleeping in the same bed together?
I thought the twins were one housemate! Why do they get split up for this task?
Commentary task! I love Dexter pointing at the picture of Hazel and vomming! It's hard to fake a conversation and listen at the same time! I think it's beyond some of these housemates. Plus, wouldn't they think the commentators could hear them? It's too confusing!
Hazel to Dexter: 'you look orange and evil.'
I hate Dexter and Charlie teaming up against Hazel. Why is Gina saying sorry to Charlie? What about your boyfriend and what the mums said? I don't get why Gina has turned against Hazel again. I know it's good for for Hazel's game, though.
This dancing is TOO MUCH. These twins are also making me feel sick in the pool.
I see they're all ganging up on Hazel tonight instead of Charlie; difference is they're doing it behind her back because they're all shit scared of her.
The twins: 'our mums only see an hour.' Hold up, I thought mums don't lie! Backtrack.
Why is Charlie being so forgiving of Gina and Sophie, who lets not forget, sold her down the river? How come all the hate is on Hazel? Hazel is a hate-sponge.
Kind of a boring episode tonight. Going to be even worse if Charlie doesn't get evicted.
We did a podcast today! Listen here if you have nothing better to do: http://www.spreaker.com/user/lightupvm/big_brother_uk_callumity_bbuk

Big Brother 2013: Blunt as a motherfucker

Good live feed last night! I was personally happy to see Charlie get her comeuppance, although Gina came off looking like a mean girl. In fact, the main person I could relate to was Hazel, who blew her top and who could blame her (well, a thousand Twitter misogynists, but apart from those lowlifes?) What sticks in my mind is the idiot twin going 'If my mum said it, it must be true' about ten zillion times. What a pathetic little kid. Gina also said 'mums never lie' and 'mums are always right.' What about if two mums have differing opinions? What THEN, Gina? Anyway, more of this later. Probably a LOT more.
I never knew Gina had a clip on fringe! Clinge. That hair looks a lot of effort. Good colour match, though.
Hazel's starting the day off on a good note: 'I wish everyone would get the fuck out of my face.' It's only going to be up from here!
Wow, they've cut out the whole day and we're going straight to 10.30pm a quarter of an hour in. They MUST have a lot of shit to show. Cool.
Ooh I want to see these noms again. Sophie on Hazel's mum: 'she don't look nothing like you.' Hazel's mum did Gina and Sophie.
Charlie's friend is a CUNT, and a rotten little witch.
Dexter giving Sam's mum the death stare through the screen. Sam's mum nominating Sophie for not speaking properly is prejudice against commoners.
I love Gina's boyfriend! He's the best. Charlie's face when he called her sly. Ha!
I'm glad almost all of them were up. Sam and Gina wouldn't have gone anyway. Sam couldn't hear again, I noticed.
Hazel's face after Charlie's friend nominated was a picture, she looked like she'd just smelt something disgusting; probably Charlie's friend's toxic vagina.
See how quickly Gina turned on Charlie. The imbecile twins so proud they don't like deep conversations - what a pair of dimwits.
Hazel: 'your friend is blunt as a motherfucker.' I loved the way she went so Irish when she got angry. Hazel has every right to be mad. Hazel: 'I can't wait to meet her...' ...and knock her out.
Gina must have lost her mind going off on Charlie. She should think of her end game!
Twins sticking it to Charlie as well. What a horrible pair. I would take a person based on how I knew them in the house. I would consider my friends and family's opinion but I make my OWN decisions about people.
Oh no, Charlie's journey has gone back to square one! Don't tell us what we should be thinking about your time in the house. I think you're an inane, babbling, attention-seeking freak, not some innocent girl going on a journey of discovery.
Disgusting the way the all turned on Charlie in a way - even though I do think she deserves a lot of it, I don't like the pack mentality. They're ALL in the wrong. There's no one to side with because I can't stand Charlie, and the others behave appallingly. I can only really understand Hazel, who's basically been called a slag on TV, and thinks her best friend is a liar, which is bound to make you twitch.
Charlie: 'I'm misunderstood.' No, I think you've finally BEEN understood. I hate her wishy washiness. I hate her yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahs. She DOES change her opinion depending on who she's talking to.
Ooh Dexter has gone from comforting Charlie to sticking it to her a little bit. 'Conflict management', lol.
That flashback about the Callum/ Dexter task wasn't really that incriminating. I don't like the flashbacks! Or do I? Maybe I do.
Hazel got objectified by wearing a snake suit! I think she might be getting her words in a muddle.
I said two or three days ago that I wondered why Charlie was bothered whether Hazel was opening up or showing emotion or didn't and they're finally twigging about it. But Gina and Hazel suddenly becoming buddies doesn't really wash. In fact, it doesn't wash in the slightest.
Charlie's thousand yard stare last night was quite something to behold. She was backpeddling badly. 'I don't want to be here' - fuck off then. Aw, she's doing a fake cry!
Hazel looks good in those green leggings. Not sure about her padded jacket, though.
Gina properly stitched Charlie up here. Gina, you're pissing your game up the wall! What are you thinking? Just keep your head down! Laughing whilst Charlie and Hazel are fighting is not doing her any favours, either. Sophie was also enjoying stirring the pot last night.
Charlie has gone from yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah to nononononono. Oh well, at least it's something different. I think Charlie is buying her clothes in 1995. 6th form times!
Twins 'if mum's said it, you've done it.' I would rip that little twerp's HEAD OFF if he said that to me. I'd be like, 'I know what I fucking said.' How DARE HE? And people think he's arrogant? WELL, I NEVER.
Charlie: 'I don't like the idea of people not liking me.' How tragic to live your life like that. I LOVE it when people don't like me! It's her desperation to please that's at the crux of her problems.
They're actually showing quite a lot of this. The other's faces watching this argument was quite sinister. No one defended Charlie, not even Dexter. I think they've all had enough of her.
Gina is 'quite scared'. No, Gina is enjoying this bad blood. I'm imagining Gina in the school yard, taking the piss out of me right now. The way she was cackling and lording it was really unpleasant. Such a shame.
Charlie's 'poor little me, I can't stand up for myself' thing doesn't stack up either. She CAN stand up for herself and does. She just prefers to go down the pity route.
This campaign thing really seems like the most boring part of this argument. Why aren't we talking about Charlie's insane friend more?
Dexter blaming Charlie for losing his girlfriend is RICH. He's entirely to blame for that situation. Totally out of order there. It was him who decided to throw his 'relationship' away for a bit of storyline.
Ooh, Charlie's sticking up for horrid friend now, saying she nominated Hazel for a reason related to her. No. Your friend is entirely selfish, like you.
I have to laugh at the twins: 'that woman took a rude pill.' Oh no, I laughed at them twice in that one Diary Room entry. Don't tell anyone.
I like Dexter's little military jumper. 'She mugged me off professionally and emotionally.' No. You mugged yourself off, kiddo. Charlie didn't make you dump your girlfriend. Charlie lurking when they had that convo.
Gina is going for it in the Diary Room! Have they only just twigged that Charlie was an arse for nominating Callum? Come on!
This isn't the end of Charlie and Hazel's friendship because there never was a friendship. Just an unholy alliance. I feel exhausted!

Big Brother 2013: With friends like these...

I just want to to get one thing straight, boyo. This contrived argument between Sam and Sophie is boring. But at least it's not ruinous, as I suspect friends and family nominations will be.
Haha, Sophie is telling Hazel Dexter said he'd evict her. What DID Dexter say that for?! We knew it would get back to them at the moment he said that!
Look at the STATE of that toilet!
I don't care about Sam's 'journey' or Sam's emotions and I think the only reason him and Sophie are bitching at each other is because they both know the end game is in sight and they're both twitching like motherfuckers.
Shut up, idiot twin. I hate it when he has a go at Dexter. I'd evict that fat fucker and his gross brother, too. They're not fit to kiss Dexter's Tuco shoes.
Sophie, stop yapping! You're killing your game right here. Better off with that imaginary 'sweet' tag. God, imagine if she'd been like this for 10 weeks, she'd have been gone weeks ago.
You're right, Sophie, he's not sweet, and nor are you. Her mask has slipped BADLY. I wish the housemates could put her plate face up this week. How rude calling him 'a fucking idiot'. She's the one who kept pressuring him to say why he didn't like her, when he didn't, he just said he didn't connect with her. That bitch has been biting her lip for weeks now; THIS is the real person she is. Glad you kept her in over Dan?
Dexter is trying to turn things round on Sam whilst he's a bit down. He's getting it from all angles today, you poor sod.
LOL to Sam saying Dexter is 'sucking up to him'. Even Sam is pulling this 'journey' card indirectly now. Ha, Dexter said the word 'journey'. I thought Sam was quite gracious there, really. He stands his ground at least.
'Gina, has anyone ever sent you any fan mail before?' Gina: 'By post, no.' Gina is targeting Hazel again! I liked her writing the letters, though. She was the right girl for the job.
Ha to Gina calling herself 'a loyal friend' in the fan letters. Good strategy.
I LOVE the fact Gina told herself she was the best in the house. HILARIOUS! AND slagged off Hazel in it too. Subtle as a brick.
I love the fact Dexter's letter went psycho. Love, Stan. I love the fact any of them think they have fans.
I love the way Hazel deals with things! She just gets better and better and it makes Gina look increasingly petty, and I'm sure Hazel knows that, too.
Dexter has come to thank Mary Anne personally. Where would one buy a Dexter poster or t-shirt? I'm surprised Dexter isn't demanding a cut of the royalties.
It's nice the twin did a fan letter for Hazel as she never got one. I like the way she uses them for emotional support now Daley and Dan have gone. I have a feeling she won't be hanging out with them in the outside world, though.
Gina couldn't WAIT to tell them about the letters! Aw, Dexter's little face!
I saw Sophie and Gina chatting on the live feed about their families last night and it was quite nice, actually.
Friends and family noms! I'm glad Hazel's mum is there supporting her. Hazel has had nothing in the way of contact and support from her family. Hazel's mum nominated Sophie, not Dexter. Yay. Hazel looks gorgeous.
Charlie's friend nominated Hazel 'for going after another girl's man.' How fucking pathetic. What the hell has it got to do with you? It's appalling strategy as Hazel is Charlie's 'best friend' in the house. How sad to go on a personal vendetta when you should be putting yourself in Charlie's shoes and doing what she would do. That girl is a cunt. You'd be better off with Jackie nominating. It will also upset Charlie to have her friend casting aspersions like that. With friends like these, who needs enemies? I'm honestly in a state of shock about that. 'It's something I feel very strongly about.' Well I hope you just got Charlie evicted, you spiteful little shit. Ooh, she also nominated Jack and Joe. It's not all bad then! Haha, she said they were 'full of themselves.' LOL. Charlie's friend is a piece of work. Charlie has the friends she deserves.
Dexter's mum (again!): Jack and Joe, ha. They are twitching. Dexter's mum did Hazel as well. Well, these are the same noms Dexter would have done anyway. Not sure for her reason for nominating Hazel.
Jack and Joe's mum: Dexter. Surprise, surprise. Dexter's mum also did Charlie! Ha. 'She loves talking about herself.' True.
Sams mum did Dexter and Sophie. Is Sophie going to be up? She nominated Sophie for 'not speaking clearly'.
Sophie's nan nominated Hazel! Hazel is such an easy target. Sophie's nan did Sam too and said 'he's so boring he's like watching paint dry.'
Gina's boyfriend: Hazel. 'She puts to F in fake. Gina's boyfriend nommed Charlie for being a liar as well. Charlie's sad face! HA. We saw through you at last. She had a proper 'you've been rumbled face'. I'm glad Gina's boyfriend didn't do Dexter.
Hazel took that SOOOOO well. They're all up except Sam! Charlie or the twins out this week, please. Twins look mad!
Charlie doing damage control! Too late, your days are numbered. I would LOVE to see Charlie or the twins go! Please make it happen. Please. Please?

Big Brother 2013: A mysterious transition

Sorry I wasn't around yesterday, I was in a field in Brighton surrounded by lesbians! And a good time it was too. Back in BB, I was pleased to see Gina eating a slice of humble pie, as I don't think she can win it if she thinks she's still top of the tree, and I do want her to win it. Her or Dexter, who also had a good show yesterday.
I wish these twins were gone; them and Charlie are like bringing the show down badly with their chronic dullness. Stop shit-stirring about Hazel, Charlie, pack up your eyebags and leave. I also can't stand Sophie and her dressing gown of doom.
Oh, Charlie's the new target now Callum's gone. Good. Sophie is right though, Charlie doesn't say what she thinks. Anything but, in fact. Good, I'm glad her gameplan is starting to crack. I just hope the families do what's right.
What the fuck is Charlie wearing today? She looks like a manic depressive Hula girl. She's going to 'move in together and go on holiday with Hazel'? If you say so, Droopy. Also, the way she said she wasn't going to miss Callum last night was just cruel after she'd sucked every inch of life out of him. She's an emotional vampire.
What the fuck is Charlie's problem anyway? What is it to her even IF Hazel is 'faking' being emotional? Worried someone's moving ahead of you in the race? Their 'friendship' is the biggest joke on the planet. They can't fucking stand each other.
I love the fact Dexter called himself a professional magician when actually he just worked as the demonstrator in the toy shop. I like to think of all Dexter's 'careers' in these terms. So his work in the strip club was probably just that he was a flasher. I'm glad they're giving Dexter a good task though, and we don't have to put up with Callum frowning and gurning throughout. I love it when Dexter is lording it over the others!
Does ANYONE believe Sam is sweet anymore? Dexter just said Sam's catchphrase is 'any hole's a goal.' Why haven't we seen him say that? Oh, doesn't fit with this bullshit sweet storyline. The fact is, neither Sophie NOR Sam are sweet little innocent babies.
Hazel being stitched up AGAIN, I see.
I wish Dexter could make half of the housemates disappear permanently. Dear Lord, do they really think Sam has been evicted on Dexter's whim? They ARE paranoid!
Why is Sam getting to see what the others are saying? This is such engineered storylining from BB. Is that twin allowed to tell them that Dexter plans to nominate Sam? Sam looks like he's crying! No Callum in there with some comforting words, either.
I'm glad Sam saw Gina sticking up for Sam. Dexter: 'He's got no mates anymore' lol.
This is a bit of a stitch up for Dexter, although I guess he should know better than to start mouthing off in that situation. I don't like the way Sam is coming out and digging everyone out. He's an idiot. They basically had to poke him with a stick to even get him to react. Still 'coming out of your shell' after two months? Get to fuck.
Dexter took time out of his busy schedule to come talk to you, Sam! Where's the appreciation? Dexter is overplaying his hand here. I don't even consider that part of the show, it was just such blatant storylining, trying to get something to happen.
Friends and family nominate tomorrow, I assume? God help us. I have a feeling it's going to be the week we lose Dexter.

Big Brother 2013: Don't need no Superman

Saw Gina acting the goat on the live feed tonight, which was disappointing, being nasty to Hazel. Talking of being nasty, I see the Hazel hate mob are out in force. Did they ship in extra chavs especially? Usually I don't use the word 'chav' but I'll make an exception for these lowlifes. They should drop the bomb, although Jeremy Kyle would struggle for guests for a few weeks as a result.
They're giving Hazel a bullshit edit, I see, showing her saying she doesn't care (which they've driven her to).
Callum's giving the twins his seal of approval. 'Dexter is using his villain status to gain popularity in the outside world.' No, people LIKE Dexter, Callum.
Woah, Gina's swimsuit! Dexter and Gina both look like they should be on a yacht tonight. I'm liking their sunglasses.
Gina needs to calm down on her vendetta against Hazel. It's hurting her game, in my opinion.
Shut up, Callum! You're not honest. What about your VT (your kryptonite)?
This bitch in the crowd hates Dexter and loves Callum. She must be the only person in the country who feels this way.
Election task. I already saw Dexter's anti Callum poster and it was AMAZING. The twins don't want to learn about themselves. I'm not surprised. Are the twins doubting Dexter's journey? Heathens, lol.
I want Hazel to stay just to piss Gina off, and Gina's my favourite.
Callum is 'genuine'. That's why he's doing the American accent again. This is AWFUL. Callum has lovely writing. Shame about everything else.
Dexter's poster was SPOT ON. 'Thinks the public are idiots' about Callum. I just voted for Callum to go again when he started on Dexter. Everyone's faces when they were having that argument! Oh, God. Callum is mental.
Oh God, friends and family. Everyone loves Callum - children, old people. Hazel's friend is blaming the edit. Why aren't the twins getting panned tonight? It's getting on my nerves. The crowd is chanting 'get Dexter out'! Imbeciles.
Charlie just said the words 'I'm going to soar' to Callum. AMAZING.
Now they're showing Gina saying she doesn't want Dexter to go. Yay.
Ah, cool, they're going to save someone! It HAS TO BE DEXTER.
WHAT THE FUCK Jack and Joe got the fewest votes?! You've got to be shitting me! Oh no, they're now going to think they're more popular than Dexter and gloat over him. I'm not at all hopeful for Hazel now if the public are this stupid. And they are.
This sucks! Also, Callum will be pleased Dexter got one in the eye. URGH! I hate vote to evict! Bring back vote to SAVE.
DEXTER, STOP SAYING THE WORD JOURNEY.
Ha, 'a bully in a china shop.' This is the bit I saw on live feed, where Gina was being a bitch to Hazel. Just voted Callum again. Gina is being stupid here. It was a task; Hazel didn't do anything wrong and Gina was trying to make her look bad. I'd almost go as far as to say Gina was manipulating the public here.
Why does Charlie keep having these conversations with Callum? They're not getting anywhere! She just wants the constant attention. She's a million times worse than anything Hazel has done for psychological abuse. No wonder he's tied in knots. It doesn't excuse his psychotic behaviour, but talk about a toxic combination.
Gina is getting what she wants, Hazel slagging her off in the Diary Room, so more people vote to evict Hazel. I'm sure Gina timed that conversation because she knew it would be on tonight's show. Don't get me wrong, I respect the strategy, but it's a bit unfair.
Ok, here goes. OMG it was Callum! Thank God. This makes up for the twins being safest a bit. Hazel's face was a PICTURE. Who went 'what the hell'? Did Dexter hug him? I feel sorry for Sam a bit, I suppose.
My friend is laughing at Callum's clothes on Facebook but this is his best look! Haha. He seems a bit more relaxed in his interview in a way, less cliched. but very bitter.
Callum's mum: 'We're proud of ya Callum!' Yep, everyone at the council estate is backing you, they just couldn't afford the phonecalls to evict Dexter. Soz.
The eye can be open for this interview as Callum is not a woman. Dexter's a ssssssnake, zzz. Callum going on about 'airtime' - shut up. Callum is using his whole interview to slate Dexter. Sad. he's such an angry man. He'll look back and realise he wasted his time in there, on Charlie AND Callum.
Callum is crying! Oh dear, what a twonk. Not this 'average lad' schtick again. Leave it aht!
Stop crying, Callum. Can someone get him a cringe rag?
Bye, Callum, and take your passive aggressive schtick with you.
Oh no, I HATE it when the friends and family nominate. They always go for the wrong person. They're not going to nom Sophie, Sam, Charlie or Jack and Joe. They're going to nom Gina, Dexter and Hazel. Why do they do this, it's such a load of balls! Fail.
Do you know something that would be funny? If Hazel... won? Just a thought! Night night.

Big Brother 2013: How do you like your embryo in the morning?

'This is Big Brother, training time has began.' I think you mean 'begun'.
I can't watch people eating raw eggs. That's not for me. I've just been out and I'm not feeling right anyway. This isn't helping.
Someone posted Callum's bio on DS today and it was like 'I'm confident, I like belittling people.' Ha! Who is Callum to go in the DR and say Dexter can't talk about 'his whirlwind life in London'? It's not Dexter's fault he's got more money than you. Why does someone having a good life (or talking up having a good life) make you feel bad? Envy is an ugly quality. In fact, it's quite pathetic. Is Callum envious of Gina's money?
Dexter and Hazel: 'We're made of different stuff.' You can insert whatever punchline you like here. Dexter is finding the banter not so mint in the house.
Sam to Callum: 'You might get a lot of respect for sticking up for yourself.' And maybe not.
I just fast forwarded through the twins' battle which was good as I'm a bit behind so it saved me a few minutes. Twins in Lycra? No, ta.
I don't get this Jackador and Jaded Joker thing. Why didn't they call them Jack Smack and Joe Blow? Actually, that makes them sound more exciting than they are.
I hate all this smutty talk the guys all do, especially Sam, it's really childish and borderline offensive.
Don't worry, Sophie, I don't think you're sweet. Nice attempt to give you a storyline, but the fact is you're not loud and confident, you're dull.
I like Sophie's fuchsia blusher. Sam suits the porn star 'tache. He looks about 15 years older. Sam: 'I've seen an eclipse brighter than that woman.' Sophie: 'what?' Point proved.
Whack a mole. Sophie: 'You beat a girl.' Self sexism!
I don't like the iPad for the shopping list as they can't add it up wrong. Harry could never order 500 bananas again! Boo to that.
Is Sophie welded into that dressing down? There's always one each year who can't be bothered to get dressed each day and just sits around smoking in terry towelling.
Charlie: 'I need to be put in my place.' Callum: earwigging. This conversation is disturbing.
Hazel wants half the money! She deserves it more than Conor did. I hate it when they give away some of the prize money, but they always do it. Charlie wouldn't take half the money if it was offered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Test her! Argh, she wants acceptance. I'm surprised she didn't mention her journey.
Is Gina cooking? Whatever next! Washing up after? Why is Gina trying to poison her housemates? Ah, an easy way to win, I suppose.
Callum: 'I don't want to go before Dexter.' Good luck with that. Dexter ISN'T a villain. Stop comparing yourself to him, you desperado. People aren't keeping Dexter in because they hate him, but because they like him!
Dexter fans: evict Callum for his own sanity. And the twins for mine.

Big Brother 2013: Sulk Hogan

Why do all the girls in the BB house go to sleep with a full face of slap? I'm not convinced I've ever seen Charlie take her spidery mascara off.

Wresting. The best thing since wrestling is anything but wrestling. 

Lion Heart and Lion Kid don't sound very scary. Isn't the plural of nemesis nemeses? 

The wrestler doesn't think the twins are funny either. Callum: you can be creepy Callum.

Sophie: 'Gina, how do you plan to take your 'component' down?' Bit by bit. I like Gina and Hazel. They both look cool in their outfits. I like Gina's socks. OM-Gina, as Callum said the other night. 

Hazel's song should have been Maneater. I bet they're enjoying getting some aggression out! Hazel is kicking Gina's arse. This is fun.

Gina on Hazel: 'she definitely has an evil hobbit inside her.' Gina's laughing at her own jokes in the DR. 

Dexter limbering up, ha. 

Callum doesn't look at ALL camp in that cowboy outfit, does he?! Callum has 'the testicular fortitude - the balls.' Thanks for the translation, Callum. He sure is 'deceptively intelligent.' 

'Crocodile tears on demand.' Is this a new TV show? This conversation between Callum and Dexter is so lame and contrived. Neither of them are doing themselves any favours.

Oh Lord! Callum's American accent! American accents are easy peasy. Dexter wiggling his fingers and going: 'Mwhahahahaha.' Win.

Dexter having a go at Callum's nipple ring! HA! I think that's what made him flip. Dexter's was all jovial and then Callum was really serious and straight-faced. 

Has Dexter been looking down his nose at Callum's family? I think Callum might be over-egging the situation. Gina laughing! This is actually quite uncomfortable viewing. Dexter and Callum back in the 'dressing room' looked like they were waiting for their results at the STI clinic.

Dexter's hiding his pasty body behind a cape. Callum doesn't deserve to have Eminem as his theme music.

Callum tonguing the octopus! He IS desperate. Are you happy you won, Callum? Ah, well at least you've got your dignity intact. Oh.

Callum: 'Dexter makes me feel small.' Grow a fucking spine then! If someone else makes you feel like that, you must have zero character. NO ONE could make me feel small. Except a giant.

Is Dexter genuinely upset or just playing up? Also, did he just say 'peeps'?

Why is Sophie miffed Sam nominated her, she nominated him! I don't think Sam is clever enough to nominate her for strategy. He just doesn't click with you, Sophie.

Callum, stop playing the victim! You're making me sick. You're a grown man, get a grip. 'Underlining' issue. Is it verbal typo night tonight?

Do you know how many times I've heard Callum, Charlie and Dexter say they're drawing a line under things? I'd like to draw that line with fucking Semtex. 

Even Sophie can see through Callum's crap about his family. 

Callum is saying he saw the 'purple mist'. That's reassuring. Charlie: 'I respect you for saying how it is.' You're an idiot.

Callum is playing the sympathy card hard here. What is Gina talking about? Dexter hasn't done anything. Callum is trying to outgame Dexter and he's never going to be able to.

I love the reaction to Callum twisting some offhand thing Dexter said, 'I will stick it in you.' Apparently Dexter said no such thing and if he had, he would have got a warning. 

I don't think these people know the meaning of the word 'deep'. Dexter's arms are going! 'I will do you.' Beavis and Butthead would have a field day with this conversation.

I love the fact Callum was talking to Dexter and he just walked off to get something from the kitchen. Show Mr Byrite some respect! 

Callum on the kitchen counter went on for about 15 minutes last night. Callum was OFF HIS FACE shouting 'bollocks' and ranting and raving. It was quite disturbing. He got called to the DR because he was flipping out on the bed. Callum got off LIGHTLY with the edit here. I wanted to know what they said to Callum when they called him to the Diary Room.

Dexter: 'He knocks me sick.' I do appreciate Sam is sticking up for Callum, but Sam doesn't realise the extent of Callum's loopiness, I don't think. 

I'm voting to evict Callum tonight. I really am drawing a line here. In fact, several. They spell out whatever Callum's 'vote to evict' number is. I'm going to be voting Callum and the twins. If Hazel goes this week, then we really are a nation of women haters.

Big Brother 2013: He's gonna kill us all

Last night on live feed Callum went from cringebag to loony tunes. He browbeat Charlie into the ground. Even so, all Charlie has to do is scream 'fuck off!' at him and it would be 'case closed.' I think she likes the psychological abuse in a way; let's face it, she must have grown up with enough from mad Jackie.
Callum and Sam are pervs; not exactly a newsflash.
Frog-gate! What a croak. Where's Wolfy when you need her? 'What do you have to teach me, Freddo?' The twins: 'he's going to kill us all!' That was actually quite funny. Frogs are cool. My cats used to bring in frogs and they used to jump under the oven and get fried. Ah... memories.
Dexter to Gina: 'you wearing contacts is like putting furry dice in a Ferarri.' Does she wear coloured contacts? Ha, Dexter's style is like a Ford Fiesta. It would have been better if you'd said that to his face.
Gina sighing about Charlie's fashion sense. Hilarious! I think Gina is angling for a fashion show here. She could be the new face of eek or chic.
This is like BBUS when they do a shopping task, except they get to keep the clothes in the US and they get to put on as many as they can in a minute. Are they getting to keep these? I don't think Very is that generous. This is convenient as Gina was just talking about clothes! I like Callum's sunglasses top. That's officially his best piece of clothing.
What is Hazel wearing?! I bet Gina and Dexter are like 'ugh, catalogue clothes' about the clothes from Very.
Oh God, the twins are trying to do a Jade Goody. No, not that.
I like Sam's flowery shirt. I noticed him wearing it on LF last night and thought I'd never seen it before. It's weird when housemates bust out new clothes halfway through a series, unnerving, even.
Twins: 'shut up. No, you shut up, etc.' Is it just me or are they giving them a bad edit? If so, yay. Now they're showing them slagging off Dexter, too, right before nominations.
If the housemates are happy to go to 'jail' for a slice of pizza, they should make the punishment putting them up for nomination instead. I actually like it when the housemates rebel; what are they going to do, send security in like they didn't do for the Pratts? That's quite funny that they sent the others to jail instead. Is going to jail really that bad? It doesn't look that bad.
Twin would have 'tooken' the punishment. Is he five? That's got to be the evil twin goading them in prison!
Callum did not look happy when they showed Dexter's noms!
Charlie kind of looked like she was laughing when they showed Callum's. He looked sad. Charlie said later they forced her to say nasty things, lol.
Dexter looked happy when they showed the twins nominations! Gina's not up, yay! Ha, Dexter immediately turned on Sam for nominating him. Sam's hair looks good tonight. At least Sam stood his ground against him.
Dexter: 'from having ten people put me up to only having four is a big improvement.' There's not ten people in the house anymore, Dexter!
Callum: 'I should have nominated Charlie.' One, you're not allowed to say that, and two, bullshit! That's hurt feelings talking.
Callum vs Dexter in the kitchen. Dexter's disappointed that they didn't show him saying 'Callum has got eyes like a serial killer.' Ha. Callum's face DOES look scary sometimes!
They better show Callum falling backwards through a door on this last bit of show.
Callum: 'Five words. I'm there, I know now.' Hands up if you think he's 'there'. Sam: 'she backstabbed you.' Why is Sam so red in the face?
Callum has got soooooo little awareness of how he actually is, it's unreal, and in more ways than one. He's talking to Sam in the most patronising tone I've ever heard. He's deaf, not a fucking child.
Did Dexter REALLY just say the word 'journey' again TWICE? Every time Dexter says journey I'm going to vote for Gina in the final.
Dexter 'lost his girlfriend because of Charlie.' No. You lost your girlfriend because you're a cock.
I didn't realise Sophie and Sam were sitting so close when Charlie and Callum had this highly disturbing half hour conversation.
Charlie is such a shady cow. Seriously, this bitch got no nominations after the way she behaves. She's abusive, just like he is. She's a wrong 'un because she pretends to be 'a nice person.'
Charlie: 'You've lost your biggest fan.' Callum is Charlie's biggest fan like Stan is Eminem's biggest fan. Callum is being creepy and psychotic here and what they showed there was a mere sliver of how that conversation was actually run; like a hostage situation. If Callum doesn't leave her alone after this, he's really a lost cause.
Good news for Hazel; they decided to barely show her at all on the highlights tonight. Keep your head down and your mouth shut and let Callum and the twins keep digging...

Big Brother 2013: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, journey, journey, journey, journey

Evening! I just watched two episodes of Big Brother US, so you can't say I'm not having a productive start to the week. I've also been drinking! Here's to life.
WHY are Charlie and Hazel still sharing a bed?! There must be spare beds in the house now, there's only three weeks left. Didn't Dan have a bed?
Charlie PLEASE STFU about the 'Daley situation'. Charlie: 'she knows I've got issues with not thinking before I speak.' TRY THINKING BEFORE YOU SPEAK THEN.
Callum is going to put his foot down 'briefly'. That was smooth, Callum, real smooth.
Charlie is saying sorry, despite Dexter saying she wouldn't. Charlie: 'yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.' STOP SAYING THAT.
Look how good Hazel looks compared to Charlie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hazel is being quite reasonable.
Following task. Well, it's not like they can get away from each other, is it? They can't pop down the shops.
Twins can barely fit in that Diary Room chair anymore. They're having to take it on an angle now.
My boyfriend just went 'Where's Dan?' Good question.
Here's a classic example of them talking about being famous afterwards. You're not going to be! The twins don't class themselves as TV personalities. That's lucky. Dexter: 'we've signed our own death warrants.' Not quite.
Nominations! I don't know who's up. I normally do. Is there a twist?!
Gina nommed Jack and Joe and Hazel. I notice she didn't nominate Dexter.
Even Sophie is getting involved in the twins actressy arguments now. As if two doing it wasn't bad enough.
Charlie is nominating Callum. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. Why don't you tell Callum how you feel about him if he's bugging you! Charlie can't have 'in depth conversations' in front of the twins. Does she mean endlessly banging on about themselves? Those twins should walk in more often. Charlie didn't nominate Hazel, even after cucumbergate. Good.
The twins are nominating Dexter! Haven't they got the memo yet? OMG I just realised no one's nominating Hazel! LOL! They must realise she's a shoe in to go?! These people have got NO GAME. Their strategy is nil.
I'd LOVE to see Callum, Charlie and the twins up! Deadwood fire! Callum and Sam are in the 'lad's banter' chairs.
Hazel put up Callum for not sticking up for her. Fence sitter! Ooh, Hazel didn't nominate Charlie either. Interesting. Dexter votes. She didn't even nominate Gina. She must know it's pointless.
Dexter, desperate: 'I need a cuddle.' Dexter, get the hint, you freak. Charlie must wear some AMAZING perfume because I have NO CLUE what they see in her.
Sam nominated Sophie! Those safe house bonds are strong. Dexter's picking up a few. I don't think he'll go, though.
Sophie nominated cringebag Callum for sexually assaulting the 'spray tannist' and Hazel (boo).
Callum nommed Dexter and said 'he should be arrested because it must be illegal to talk that much crap.' He's been working on that one. Should have had a word in Dan's ear when he was in there. I knew Callum would nominate Hazel because it's a kiss-ass vote to Charlie.
Dexter nominated Callum and the twins. That means Hazel, Callum, twins and Dexter are up. I wish it was vote to save and then Callum would go. I wish Hazel had dodged that bullet this week. I hope it's a double eviction.
The twin getting stroked by Hazel and Charlie is gross.
Gina: 'would you rather sleep with Jackie than Jemima?' We know Sam's answer!
Dexter sounds like he's warming up for some 'journey' talk. Check! Even Gina is jumping on the 'we're the outsiders' bandwagon. It's too knowing.
Dexter: 'seven weeks on the block is a joke.' Try changing your strategy then! It's not up to you who others put up.
LOL they're showing the noms on the screens. Hilarious! There's going to be some good fall out from this. Brilliant! If Callum still sniffs round Charlie after this it would be embarrassing. Get the message, Callum. Stay away from her. I don't think they showed Callum what Sophie said about the spray tans assault?
The reasons Hazel were nominated weren't bad at all. They were strategy votes definitely.
Gina: 'they didn't show the things I said that were nice.' That's cos there weren't any. Ha, that was really funny. Good stuff. Callum looks like he's going to EXPLODE! Bet Charlie and Hazel are pleased they didn't nom each other. Looking foward to the live feed!

Big Brother 2013: Fakes one to know one

Cucumbergate! It was bad enough on live feed and now I have to witness the highlights of it, of which there were none. Here are the facts: Charlie is a dull, repetitive drunk who provokes people and shows no remorse. Dan would have sorted that argument out and stopped it going on for hours on end. Remembering Dan: the house rock.
Dexter: 'Alpha characters are going to have to rise up through the ranks.' Shut up! You're driving me nuts.
Callum will 'stick to what he does best.' What is that, exactly? He's 'man enough' to admit cooking's not one of his strengths. How manly.
I think Gina is targeting Hazel because she knows the public don't like her and she's capitalising on it. Her calling Hazel fake is a bit rich, to be honest.
Callum to Charlie: 'what do you see when you look in the mirror?' Is it... bad highlights? If that's a 'deep chat' God help us.
Home grown cucumbers! How lovely, I certainly hope nobody gets poked in the eye with one, lol.
Charlie is being a cow not even committing to seeing Callum in the outside when she's always hanging out with him in the house. Why doesn't she just say 'I don't fancy you, but yeah we can go out for a drink as friends if you're ever in [wherever she and her bitch mother lives].' DONE! Otherwise, if you're really not interested in even being friends, stop talking to him.
Art attack. I like the red lippy and the berets. Sam drew Dexter kissing Charlie's arse. Gina drew herself as a white person. Charlie mentioned her JOURNEY. I'd like to journey my fist down her throat and shit her up. Dexter mentioned his journey, too. Is it journey tourettes today? JOURNEY! Callum has drawn a big black dick.
The twins, 'I'm not being funny...' we know you're not!
Oh, they're getting real letters from home. Remember when Dexter said he didn't want photos from home because it was a sign of weakness? I liked that Dexter. My boyfriend hates the letters from home. They make me blub because I'm a sap.
Couldn't Charlie have got a letter from a family member who wasn't mad Jackie? 'Learn from your mistakes.' Take no advice from this old bitch is my advice.
I wonder if Hazel had pertinent parts of her letter blacked out like in prison? Hers seemed very generic.
Gina's letter was nice from her mum, very personal and genuine.
Nice of Sam's parents to invite Callum over. It's more than Charlie could muster. Dexter's mum bigged up Gina! Strategy.
Hazel, don't show signs of weakness! It's against your ethos.
Gina is telling Charlie to think before she speaks. I guess Charlie is not listening. Callum: 'It's going to be good every day from now on.' If you say so. Cue cucumbers.
I thought cucumber was good for the eyes. I wish Hazel could get Charlie evicted for poking her in the eye with a cucumber. Charlie is interminable. The whole thing was a joke and not worth arguing about. Callum said, 'yeah she was aggressive, but there was no malice there.'
Charlie, I suggest you stop drinking. Hazel, milk the eye injury! Get her an eye patch.
It's not Hazel's fault that Charlie got called to the DR. Hazel AND the twins face was PRICELESS when Charlie said, 'it's like how Daley felt.' In fact, Hazel went through several faces in the LF.
Charlie proceeded to make the whole thing about how she'd been wronged for the next hour and a half; believe me, I watched it.
Charlie's defence of 'I don't think before I speak' is wearing thin, and if she can't control her mouth when she's drinking, then stop drinking.
Dexter and Sophie were both slagging her off at this point, so the fact she went to them for solace was quite funny.
Why is Charlie going 'Daley's a nice person.' She's drunk and talking shit. Callum is such a little scrotum sticking up for Charlie in this situation. He's pathetic. Also at one point Charlie said she was drunk and had drunk a bottle and a half of wine, then she backtracked and said she wasn't. Get your story straight!
I'd love to see Charlie go this week, I can't fucking stand her, and I think Hazel stayed classy during that pathetic argument. Unfortunately, the brainless masses are still intent on getting Hazel out for... what was it again? Oh yeah, her getting attacked. Good stuff.

Big Brother 2013: The independent boojudicator

Oh, Dan. What a rubbish twist, with a crap payoff, and a worse outcome. Get rid of vote to evict, please, or the celeb version is going to be a non-starter.
Oh please, no, not a Dexter and Callum episode. I can't bear it. This series is tanking badly. It's sad, because it has been brilliant.
Ha, Dan dreamt he got evicted. He's even cracking cases in the land of nod.
I'm starting to like Hazel more and more and it's not just because she's an underdog. Everyone just keeps saying she's being evicted and she doesn't bat an eyelid. She IS titanium.
I can't even bear to look at the twins anymore, and knowing they outlasted Dan is quite soul-destroying, actually. It's funny that they're on a task about boos because they're obsessed with them.
Ugh, Sam, please don't go back to the stiffy talk, it makes me feel ill.
What bright spark thought of this task? Words that sound like other words. Spare me. Must be those posh little twits off BOTS.
Callum's leg is going like the CLAPPERS at the mere mention of Dexter's name. I heard Dexter ask Callum to live with him on the LF. Can't see that happening somehow.
Tanning task. They're obsessed with tanning in that place. Brown E's? Is that one that's been up your bum? Sam: 'Have you got a boner?' Ugh.
Interesting that they cut the bit they showed on BOTS of Callum and Sam trying to cuddle/ spread fake tan on the two outside people. Sexual assault, etc. Yawn. I do think Sam is capable of crossing that line, he just hasn't really been given the opportunity to hang himself.
Lettuce from home, har de har. What's Charlie crying about, she only saw her mum a week ago. Grow up, oxygen thief.
Did Callum really just say 'it smells so nice' about some brownies that don't exist?! That would make me VERY nervous about his possible gameplan/ trusting him. I thought he was 4realz! That was either worrying (ie. he's kidding himself) or he's really a fake. A big one.
Are those lettuces REALLY from home? If not, I'm calling trading standards. At least Sam is laughing. Dan is stabbing the fixtures and fittings.
The twins: 'who knows what they're going to throw at us tonight?' Rocks, I hope.
I don't want to watch this eviction again. It all left a bad taste in my mouth; 'get Hazel out', Sam not even understanding what was going on, Jack and Joe getting cheered, and of course, the result.
Sam looked so serious when he realised he was up. Callum is right to be mad about this twist; it does stink.
Charlie: 'There was a lot of boos tonight.' And didn't we bloody hear about it later!
Ha, they're chanting 'get Callum out' and 'get Sam out'. Harsh.
Funny that Marcus called Dan 'Daniel' over the loudspeaker. And so Dan skipped away. Aw.
Hazel: 'That was supposed to be me.' Oh, it should have been me. Everybody knows. Everybody says so. Hazel, if it was your time to go, you would have gone. Don't beat yourself us about this, cos this definitely isn't your fault. Much like that other thing. It's annoying that the other housemates are kind of blaming her for it. Like she's just acceptable to be in that position now.
I agree with Gina, this is the only eviction I'm unhappy about, too. WHY is everyone saying it was Hazel's time to go? Who decided?! It's pissing me off.
I think Hazel will really miss Dan. It's not like Charlie is a real friend to her. I love the fact she won't even cry and finds tears embarrassing. She's a tough cookie! I wish I was like that, strong and emotionless, it would make life a lot easier. I thought Hazel would walk, but now I don't think she will, she's too tough. She won't let that house break her. I admire her, actually.
I like Gina and Sam's relationship, they are such an odd couple. I think she really cares for him.
To clarify about boogate, which was on the LF, Callum said Sam got no boos and Charlie said he got 30% boos. Watching that back, I don't think Sam got boos, it was a hangover from Dan's boos. I'll be the independent boojudicator. There was an hour long conversation last night about the percentage of boos to cheers ratio for each housemate, which I can't believe even partly made it to the main show as it was so TEDIOUS. I want to find out what an average day for Gina is. I want to know more about sugarbabies. I want to hear about Sam's life (fat chance). Can you name one fact about Sophie? Instead, all I hear is about 'the public', the auditions, how they felt when they walked in, what people are saying about them, Emma Willis and their imaginary future careers. It's AWFUL. I wish they'd ban them from talking about the game full stop, as it's not even a game of strategy. Who ARE these people? Callum and Charlie can talk for an hour, and I still have no clue. Either they're as shallow as an egg cup, or they're just not letting us find out. So either way, fuck off. At least Dan would talk about life and show some humanity. Gina shows humanity when she chats with Sam. The twins don't talk about ANYTHING except public perception of them. They even mentioned a career in the 'entertainment industry' last night. You can't even fucking entertain us when you're given your own platform for seven weeks! GOOD LUCK! This is not what Craig 'plotting a very devioush plan' and Nasty Nick fell on their swords for.
Funny that Gina and Hazel both care about Dan but hate each other. Gina, Hazel wasn't up. It wasn't a choice between Hazel and Dan.
I didn't like it when Dexter said 'Dan took one for the team'.
I can't believe there's only a year between Hazel and Gina and Sam. It's crazy.
Dexter on Callum's cooking: 'Good attempt'! What a prick. I wouldn't 'attempt' to cook for that little shit again. I'd serve it to him in his lap.
Don't Sophie and Sam feel bad about Dan going? I'd feel mortified if I were them. Oh, Sophie did say she felt like it was her fault.
Callum: 'the love of Sam's life is me.' What IS he on about? I actually think he's cracking up. He's not quite right, you know. Must be those delicious brownies going to his head!
Callum, leave Hazel alone. 'I'd love a catch up with you.' You're not at work, Callum! Oh, Callum, just stop talking. I really hope he watches this show back and wonders, 'who the fuck am I?'
Hazel just said the same thing, he doesn't know who he is. He DOES try to hard, way too hard.
Dexter, Callum is NOT aggressive. He's weird, but not aggressive. And why are you inviting an 'aggressive' man to live with you? Dexter could push Callum over the edge, and is probably trying to. I'm glad Gina stuck up for him.
Oh God, did Dexter really just say 'opinions are like arseholes, we've all got one.' Twat. Dexter's really getting on my nerves at the moment. Gina has come on leaps and bounds from him and is leaving him for dust as far as winning's concerned.
Callum needs to relax and not let Dexter get to him. Take the glove of negativity and go get some help. Because Dexter WILL beat you. Because he's a fucker. So the best thing to do is ignore him. I think Callum might end up laying him out. Which TO BE FAIR, I'm only being honest and taking everything on board, would be GRRRRRRREAT TV.

Big Brother 2013: Destination Letsby Avenue

Hiya! I'm round my BFF's house (I have friends! I know, well one) and we're voting to evict SOPHIE! We just voted at the same time to evict her. That's what friends are for. Synchronised evicting. Friends is having to not even ask who you're evicting.
Here's some comments from my friend: 'Charlie is insipid.' 'Callum is the shittest martyr ever.' Ha, then Dan said it, too! Weird. It's true, though, Callum IS like that.
Callum and Sam are having some 'lad chat.' Stand back ladies, banter ahead.
Callum is talking to himself: 'Charlie could have the whole world in her hands.'
Why are the twins on a task again!? Is this the bit we're meant to find 'hilarious'? Twin: 'this is a bit unfunny now.' You aint kidding. I asked my friend for a comment on the twins. She gave a five second sigh and then said: 'Dickheads.'
Emma is talking to the friends and family! Boooooo off off off etc.
We just had a brief interlude to look after a baby, but don't hold that against us. Babies need more attention than Big Brother. That's why I'M never having one.
Callum: 'I feel like I'm the third wheel.' More like the seventh. Charlie: 'Accept yourself.' For Heaven's sake.
Jack in a bikini. No.
Charlie in the Gina outfit. Callum's doing crab eyes. Cheesy! That was funny, mummy.
Charlie to Hazel: 'I genuinely believe you'll be a role model to a lot of girls.' My friend: 'Hazel had a good bullshit detector.' That must be why she doesn't like Callum.
Dexter can appreciate a good looking bloke. Ryan Gosling, for example. Callum's got 'straight friends, gay friends, bi friends.' Any black friends?!
Stop saying you hope Hazel goes, Dan. It's not helping matters.
Oh Callum, leave Charlie alone.
Get Hazel out! Booooooo! Oh, behave. Oh no, the twins are getting cheers.
Twist reveal: Dan, 'I knew it, I knew it.' HA. Sam doesn't even look like he knows what's going on, bless him. He can't hear! That's so unfair. Can't someone give him subtitles? They all seem quite reasonable about it, really. It was hardly the bombshell we'd hoped for and not worth losing Dan over
They didn't do the save halfway through like they normally do! That might have helped.
OH NO, it was Dan! Boooooooo. DISAPPOINTING. Not very surprising, though. Dan was always going to go against those two. I spent four quid on this bullshit! I HATE YOU, UK. YOU SUCK. 
Sophie and Sam will feel guilty because they picked him. I wanted Dan to come third. Sexyback? More like Cry Me a River. My friend says, 'He looks so pissed off. You can see it in every movement.'
I'm glad Emma sympathised with him. Ha, Dan is pissy.
Detective Dan: you'll be remembered and that's all that matters. No one will remember Charlie in three years time.
I just asked my friend for a comment on Dan going and she said: 'It's a shame.' It's lucky I'm writing this blog and not her. Her boyfriend just came in and I asked how he felt about Dan being evicted and he said 'that's a shame.' I said, 'She just said that.' and he said 'OK, a mild tragedy.'  
At least they weren't shouting OFF OFF OFF at Dan. He seemed to get a good reception.
Dan's best bits: 'You said your daughter died when she didn't die.'
It's CRIMINAL that the twins, Callum and Charlie outlasted Dan. I hope you're pleased with yourselves! Sorry this blog was brief, it's hard not to look like a twat blogging round someone's house. Podcast on Sunday as my boy is on shifts again! Night night x

Big Brother 2013: It's not gonna matter a shit to me once I get out

Another dragged out task. I was thinking watching some live feed earlier, that if Dexter had really left that time he was fake evicted he would have gone out a hero. Instead, he'll be going out as entertaining but insincere. The gold has definitely turned green for me, I'm afraid, which is a shame. And he's still my number two housemate, so that says it all, really. On the feed after Callum's strip tease, Dexter just kept going on and on about his streak and how that made them even, as if we're keeping count, and as if we're interested in the rivalry. Dexter: get a grip, kiddo. You're losing it.
Why are they doing this to Hazel? And I don't mean the thick, vindictive, sexist public, I mean Big Brother. She's a victim in that house, even if you don't like the word 'victim' for her; that's what she is, a victim of aggression. And they are tormenting her. And she is gritting her teeth and getting on with it. ARE they trying to make people feel sorry for her? That's the only reason I can think for it.
Gina is acting spoilt, but not humorously.. Oh God, I don't want to go off her as well.
I love the way Dan bitches to Dexter about Callum and to Callum about Dexter. I have to agree with Dan, though, Callum was going 'I can never be a teacher now' about stripping. Well, if you really wanted to be a teacher, you wouldn't have stripped. And besides, they let paedos be teachers now, so don't worry about it.
Dexter, stop calling Callum creepy. He IS creepy. But you were the house bitch three weeks ago, so don't you forget it.
Oh seriously, are they busting out the chillis again? The electric shock suits can't be far behind. Sophie is really enjoying seeing Dan suffer, lol. (Get her out, etc)
Dan and San both have good tans!
Did Charlie just say 'I can't freestyle' (rapping) which presumably means she thinks she can WRITE a rap? Oh, Lord! I think I'd rather see Jackie rap. Mind you, same difference.
Hold on, her rap wasn't actually that bad. Like, the rhymes, not the rapping. Wait, let me rephrase that. It wasn't as bad as I THOUGHT it would be. Callum is nodding along, gangsta style. He knows about the mean streets of Maidstone, yo.
Cruel showing Dan in the toilet! His little 'ooooh...' as well. Aw.
Dexter should have chosen Hazel for the date to perk her up. He looked thrilled at the prospect of kicking Callum out of the tree house. Oh god, that patronising pat on the back Charlie did to Callum! Ugh!
No, Dexter hasn't been told to say cheesy lines, he's just a cheeseball. Charlie: caught between a cringebag and a cheeseball. Lucky lady. 'A real man.' Oh, God.
All those things Dan is saying about Hazel 'she's driven, beautiful intelligent, savvy, ambitious' is why the public don't like her. Because she's a baddass. And she's quite ruthless with it. That's why. People can't cope with strong women, especially ones who don't respect the 'girl code.' All I'll say is, have you ever got off with someone else's boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah? Well, Hazel didn't even get that far, so who's the slut (male or female) now, hmmm? You homewrecker!
LOL, they're making housemates stand in the order we want them to win! This is a massive clue to public opinion. It will be a good reality check for some, though.
Did Gina just go into first place without so much as an argument?! I know they got a tennis ball with the odds on thrown in, but a bit of humility, please! Bad strategy.
Ha, it's funny watching them do this. Why have they put Dexter in sixth? HA the twins had to swap spots with Dexter (four places above them!) That's GOT TO hurt. This makes me want to vote Callum higher! Let's make Callum our new winner! Callum should try just thinking things and not saying them, for example 'so Dexter's third' and then looking upset.
I'm not sure I like that task on the whole; it's interesting for now, but too revealing.
Changed my mind about Callum already. It's not up to YOU to decide who the villains and heroes are, it's up to US! NB. Callum just said something and then said 'fact'. Fact.
HAHAHA, I just proper giggled at the twins pissing and moaning about being unpopular! Just goes to show how little mummy knows, isn't it! I hope it sinks into their thick heads (although it's doubtful) that their constant insulting of vastly more popular housemate Dexter isn't helping their case.
Haha, the twins hating on Gina for being popular! 'Mummy, we're not the favourites! I want to go home now!' There's 200 doors to choose from, get to fuck, fatty. They've got faces on them like they had for the first week, like someone just took the last sausage roll off them
Haha, Callum is pretty upset about being unpopular, too. Hazel looks better with less make up on. Daley was right! Come back, Daley! Innocent, poor, sweet Daley.
Oh, Gina, stop going in the Diary Room and doing party political broadcasts. It's like fucking Queen's speech, but slightly more insincere. What is this 'I'm a good person' bullshit? It's not the inside we're interested in, it's your quirkiness. Stop believing your own press.
Hazel, it's not Dexter's fault the public hate you, it's DALEY'S. Dexter doesn't have that much influence over the public, and Hazel KNOWS IT deep down. She's clutching at straws and then some. I did like it when she said 'It's not going to matter a shit to me once I get out' though. There's something hard about her that I find quite appealing. I'd quite like to be that emotionless; she's almost robotic. Most people would be dissolved into a heap if they were her right now.
Twins about Dexter: 'he's the one guy I don't want winning it.' TOUGH.
Gina and Dexter are upset cos the plebs are going on at them. Yeah, haters, cos we're in the top three!
Yes, Dexter has finally got one up on the misery twins. I have to give him props for that, cos they've treated him like a bunch of crap for weeks.
LOL to Gina laughing at twin X. Ha, him clicking at her! Gina looked disgusted by his very presence.
Now they're digging Dan out now for being unpopular. Mean!
Not sure they're gonna get Dexter's head through that door at this rate.
Why DID Sam come second in the viewers poll to win?! He never says a WORD! Seriously, is this what we want from a winner? A dopey kid? Sam feels invincible. And he's probably right.
Please: vote to evict Sophie. Thank you.

Big Brother 2013: Your Westlife farewell tour was the best

I'm an hour late as they've shifted the schedule to FINALLY air that programme with Nathan from Misfits and Stuart from Queer as Folk. That BETTER be a good show.
Oh it's the quiz show task today. I actually filled in that survey online like a loser.
Wave, you idiots, have you never seen the Price is Right? Dexter clearly has.
I didn't like the fact one question was just torturing Hazel. You didn't get to chose to torture any other housemates.
Is Hazel SERIOUSLY eating that pig's nose? Groo. I would tell them to go stick it up their arse. This is DISGUSTING. Morrissey is turning in his mansion. To be fair (!), I chose the pig's nose for that question. *innocent face*
Sam probably doesn't talk to you because he can't hear a word you're saying, Sophie. I can barely understand you. I hope they give her a duff edit tonight. Shouldn't be too difficult, just one look at her miserable face should do it.
What's Hazel's problem with Callum!? He didn't even say anything, he just said he liked thunderstorms!
The twins are performing because they're scared they're on the block. 'Are we being funny, mummy?' NO!
I hate riddles. I bet Callum and Dexter will be good at them. That's all they deal in.
Sophie actually got one right! Hold the front page.
Why is everyone sticking it to Hazel! I feel sorry for her. Imagine being stuck in there another week thinking the whole world hates you. I'd just leave. Perhaps that's what they're hoping for? Probably can't afford the security for her eviction.
Callum: 'That would be nice' about taking Dexter out of the game! Got off the fence at last!
Gina is right to be pissed off about what Dexter said, it WAS nasty and an example of Dexter at his worst. I think Gina likes Dexter, so that's quite hurtful.
Why is Sophie upset that people find her voice annoying when she nominated herself for that question in the first place!
Dexter needs to worm his way out of this situation fast. Wwwwwwwworm! Gina is going to milk this for all it's worth. Good on her. Gina is VERY DISAPPOINTED. 'Openly honest' - ha! Dexter is still lying cos I'm pretty sure he did say that to someone in the house if I remember right. He's twitching!
Jack and Joe like Westlife. LOL. How tragic. Even my mum doesn't like them anymore. DROP ME OUT indeed. Get your own catchphrase, fatty.
Gina shouldn't be allowed to put on a shower cap to be gunged! That negates the whole point of the gunging! I didn't vote for that. Aw she looks cute without her silly blonde hair. They didn't even gunge her properly!
Sophie the sweetest!? She's sour! I'd rather die than get gunged with tomato sauce (food aversion) but that didn't really even look like tomato sauce.
Hazel is looking really pissed off.
Callum: 'I'm quite direct, I don't bullshit.' Ha, Dexter getting covered in 'shit'. Tee hee!
The twins think they have 'fans'! Ha, they think that dude from Westlife is watching! WE had to choose which twin was most evil, not that guy.
Ooh, Dan didn't enjoy being a policeman. Interesting. I want to know more about his career, why do they never show it?
Dexter: 'ssssssssssnake!' No it was only Sssssssssssallie who thought that. I feel sorry for Hazel but it was quite funny when Gina laughed at her.
At least BB made Callum strip and it wasn't his idea. I love Gina going 'where are my glasses?' so she can get a better look! She's a legend.
It's lucky Jackie's gone! Seriously, who would pay to see Callum's manky body? He's deffo sucking it in! Arre they Callum's own pants?!
All the others: 'Hazel's ready to go.' Probably because her name and reputation is being dragged through the fucking mud! Who can blame her?! She's not exactly being made to feel welcome. BB has got a LOT to answer for. I didn't know witch dunking was still in fashion! And then they want to keep her in there another week? Ejits.

Big Brother 2013: Save our bacon!

I'm still upset about Dan's impending eviction, and I never thought you'd hear me say that. Sophie and Sam do not deserve to be in the final over him. Please vote Sophie out, it's the only slim chance Dan can survive.
Callum, put the piece of scrap metal down and stop talking bollocks.
Sophie's got 'interupt-itis.'
This argument about Gina being 'ugly' is more tedious than the love triangle. Hazel's got her wooden spoon out.
Ha, Gina to Dexter: 'Charlie's given you false hope.' Stick the knife in! Dexter: 'I'm the only loser.' That's your fault, Dexter, no one else's! Gina doesn't get why Dexter fancies Charlie. Me neither. 'There's nothing there.' Indeed.
Making Callum a shrink is genius. He's perfect for it! Mind you, he'd be a perfect nodding dog, too. 'I've heard you have a problem - I'm all ears.'
I'm actually on the twins side about the love triangle. Callum's notes! He's getting DEEP. Aw, Callum is so cheesy but there's something endearing about him, still.
Callum and Dexter's therapy session was FUNNY. Callum should have written 'twat' on his piece of paper.
Dexter: 'we both want to carve each other's faces off.' Callum (deadpan): 'Extreme feelings.'
Ha, Dexter mentioned his JOURNEY again, check! He's worse than Dermot O' Leary. Even Charlie was doing it yesterday. I'll be voting Gina to win just because Dexter is storylining too hard.
Callum, you shouldn't tell your patients how to sit on the couch, how they sit on it tells you things about them. Aw, Sam can't always hear what's going on. Believe me, sometimes it's a blessing. Callum having a cry about Sam. Hilare.
LOL Callum thinks he's REALLY a therapist now. Nothing that comes out of his mouth makes sense. It must be like being stuck in the house with two giant fortune cookies.
I think Dexter is 'negging' Charlie! And it's working.
I hate Sam and Sophie for choosing Dan! Sophie was moaning about him being bossy the other day! Why couldn't she have stayed mad? The Dan compromise will see the end of his game.
NO ONE likes each other in the safe house! It's awkward.
It hurts my heart to hear them say 'Dan's in the semi-final' when he isn't.
Dan: 'What would you do if the electricity went?' Sam: 'have a wank'. Ha! Great comedy timing.
I thought the twins were happy for Dan to go in. They wouldn't have compromised?! Well, Sam has a say, too! Entitled little gimps. I'm so upset they're not leaving this week.
Oh God, Dan don't say you'd like to know what the public think! You might know only too soon.
Bad feelings about that episode. Bad storylines, and bad what they're doing to Dan. This series is hitting the skids. Sad face.

Big Brother 2013: Jedward are very, very clever

Being deaf is a good excuse for lying in, and also Sam said he couldn't hear people snoring, so it's not all bad being disabled, is it?
I wish we could evict dreary Charlie and her eyebags this week.
Sam and Sophie get to see Diary Room entries! Ooh. Will they be able to think of a decent question between them, though?
Marcus missed a trick - he should have said: 'Dexter is angrily turning the wheel for Callum's shower.' He is giving Callum proper stink eye!
I keep forgetting Hazel is in there until I see her in the Diary Room. Hazel: self-proclaimed floater! Grab a life-vest, etc. Hazel: 'I'm a wind-up merchant.' Er...
Sophie is right: Dan isn't safe if he goes up. Especially against these two.
Sophie's cogs aren't quite turning on full speed, are they? Why would Callum have to choose between Charlie and Sam? It's a stupid question.
Also, why have Sophie and Sam co-ordinated their outfits today? Dastardly. Argh, I'm really worried they're going to choose Dan as a compromise! I want them to choose the twins!
Hazel's boobs almost fell foul of the limbo!
Even the twins know this chat is a fix, so it doesn't take Detective Dan to work this one out.
I'm sick of hearing these housemates talking about cameras, their entrances, celebrity, boos, auditions and so on. Why can't they just be in the game without going on about the game.
Two classic Dexter lines in one go: Dexter on Jedward: 'Very, very clever.' Dexter, 'If I was a woman, I'd be a billionaire right now.'
Those twins are so sour every time Dexter speaks. Money means nothing when you work in Sainsburys because you haven't got any. Dexter can't sell his soul because he hasn't got one. Twins are upset because Jedward are more popular by them. I'm not even going to comment on 'Who's Ghandi?' it's so contrived.
Callum blatantly knows these questions are a fix! Mind games. These clips are just one giant arse-kiss.
Don't pick Dan! Dan deserves to go all the way. I've screamed at him, he's driven me mad, but he's been a grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat housemate.
How did Gina even know about Sam and Charlie's chat in the treehouse?! Gina is pretending she's offended about something again!
Sam thinks Gina's personality is class, haha. There's only a year's age difference between Sam and Gina, it's unbelievable! I think Sam is intrigued by Gina.
Callum would be good if you were in a club, wouldn't he, head massages on tap, plus lots of positive affirmation.
LOL to Dexter overhearing that whole conversation! Speak of the devil indeed.
Oh God, live to house. They're gonna pick Dan, aren't they?
OMG Rylan looks like a stick of liquorice! Look how skinny his legs are. He makes Russell Brand look obese.
Oh shit, they've chosen Dan! Oh, no. Dan doesn't deserve to go out like this. LOADS of people have been waiting for their chance to evict Dan. SHIT! Let's vote to evict Sophie instead! She offers nothing.
My boyfriend seems sure Sophie will go! I'm not so sure. Bugger. I wish it was the twins, or even Callum.
What it came down to is that Sam didn't want to live with the twins and Sophie didn't want to live with Callum. Now we have to join forces and evict the deadwood! Get Sophie out!

Big Brother 2013: He's quite tragic, isn't he, really?

Dear Lord, please save us from the love triangle. It is killing the show. I feel like evicting Dexter after watching an hours live feed of him and Callum wittering on in cliches and riddles. I can't bear it!
I'm tired of Dexter, tired of Charlie going 'yeah, yeah, yeah.' What did Charlie even say last night? I watched two hours of live feed and I still don't know. I almost want Sam and Sophie to take Callum to the safe house, just so we can evict him and end this storyline. And that's not really fair on Callum, but I'm getting really fed up. It's been a fantastic series, and the past few days have been just tedious. This is not how I want to remember this year. If I had any idea what anyone was talking about, it would help. They're all just spouting so much drivel I don't think they even know what they're talking about themselves.
I don't like Dan and Callum getting on! It makes me nervous.
Ugh, all the house slagging off Dexter again - even Charlie! She really is the wooden spoon in that house. This house is just full of arseholes now; twins, Hazel, even Gina is a bitch, and she's the best one in there.
Hazel's looked nice the past couple of days. I wonder how she's feeling inside? I wonder if she gets any support in the Diary Room?
This task is like 'share or shaft.' Or Luke and Conor's 'one Mississippi' car crash moment.
So glad Dexter didn't chose Charlie for the picnic. I just can't bear to listen to anymore bullshit. Plus it was a curveball. Why was Callum so annoyed that Dexter picked Dan? Surely he'd be pleased!
Secrets and lies! Zzzz.
Callum: Charlie DOESN'T FANCY YOU. Get over it! ARGH!
Oh God, Dexter said he's on a journey again. My boyfriend is going to go mad.
Just what the twins don't need - a table full of trans fats. That probably is the sort of party they enjoy; sausage rolls and party rings and singing Abba. On their own.
Dan on Dexter: 'He's quite tragic, really.' Aw, that's mean!
Twins slagging off Dexter as usual. Callum trying to put Charlie off seeing Dexter in the outside world. Even the other housemates are getting pissed off with this bullshit. 'It's boring' is right! Dan is freaking out because there's airtime available he's not getting.
Oh one twin just said he fancied David Beckham. This must be the gay one! So the gay one is the one with the shaved bit in the hair. I've finally sussed it! Now, just his name to work out, ha.
There's more chemistry with Dan and Dexter than Dexter and Charlie. I wonder how long Dexter's longest relationship is? Dexter: 'I like snuggles at the weekend but also someone who can turn heads in a restaurant.' God, he's got such a Hollywood view of relationships; it has no basis in reality AT ALL! Not sure Charlie would turn heads in a restaurant; stomachs, maybe.
Ha, Hazel on Dexter: 'Definitely half.' ie. bi, haha. Dexter: 'I always like to please my partner before I please myself.' Is this during his 45 minute shag playlist I saw him discuss on live feed once?
Dan: 'what does your climax face look like?' PLEASE! There are some things we don't need to know.
Oh, so the twins can't go to the party because they had their DR party, haha. Unlucky.
Gina: 'there's no cloth on the table.' Ha, Ferrero Rocher tantrum.  Ferrero Rocher is gross. Gina is actressing right here.
OMG Callum's dancing! Amaze.
The others: 'they're not having fun.' If you say so! Actually, Dan and Sophie do look pissed off. But they are playing Amy Winehouse.
I don't know what pisses me off more about Callum: his naff tattoos, his nipple piercing, his personality or his clothes.
Dan and Sophie calling Callum 'creepy' and 'a cringe bag.' Ooh, looks like Sophie won't be inviting Callum to the safe house, then! Good. Get the twins in there, and ship their arses out.

Big Brother 2013: You never had a bottle of Mow-it?

My boyfriend is going on and on about the love triangle in the house, and how it's all storylining and he's fed up with it; I wish he'd been this chatty in our podcast! He also doesn't like Dexter anymore. I said, 'who do you want to win?' and he said 'Callum' so he seems pretty jaded.
I do hope the non-love triangle doesn't become the main storyline.
Jackie crying about her hair! I don't care about Jackie any more, she's old news.
Charlie would get off with Dexter, I don't care what she says.
Oh no, Sam likes Callum the best. Callum will go if he goes up against Sam and Sophie next week. I hope Sophie pushes him into taking the twins in there.
Jackie vs Charlie. Who cares?
The 'are we being funny, mummy?' twins are having a contrived argument. About food.
A task about the love triangle - zzz. Dexter, pink leggings are not for you.
JACKIE IS NOT GOING TO BE YOUR MOTHER IN LAW, DEXTER.
Gina on the dance task: 'I don't think anyone was even embarrassed.' Ah, Gina. You're my new winner. I'm sure she must be racing ahead of Dexter in the odds now.
Gina: 'I'm enjoying myself, but I'm not going to miss anyone.' I like her transient ways!
Dexter is talking such a lot of old flannel. He's no good when he's not an underdog. Don't get me wrong, Dexter's in my top two, still, but he really needs to pull it back round again. I hope he can.
Did Jackie get both sides of her hair done in the end? Twins: 'we got boos.' Not enough!
For the twist, Big Brother actually said 'these two housemates will be immune from next week's eviction.' Why would you put in the two 'safest' housemates? Who's Charlie to tell us who's going to win? Why did Charlie get to make this decision on who was going into the safe house?
Have you ever seen two people look so sad upon giving immunity?
Sophie: 'You never had a bottle of Mow-it?' Aw, bless, Sam's never had champagne before. I don't like putting fruit in my champagne! Sophie: 'it tastes like vinegar.' I'll have it! It's probably the Lidl one.
Sam and Sophie are total floaters. I'd like to see the back of one of them, but preferably Sophie, and I don't think we've seen the best of him yet *BB cliche factory*.
Callum's got a nice t-shirt on tonight: 'Fate is your own.' Tasteful.
Dexter is fronting out Callum! He's doing some game planning tonight. Dexter: 'The only reason we despise each other...' That's no way to make friends and influence people. I don't really know what Dexter's trying to say here.
Why is Charlie having a go at Dexter?! Why is it OK as long as he's not making up with Callum? I don't get it.
I'm fed up with Callum and Dexter going on and on about the same thing.
Hazel is playfighting with Charlie! Is it her fault if Charlie threatens her?
Callum's face when Charlie and Dexter were mucking about in the shower! He looks angry! He should just go inside and get a grip. It's over.
Sam, if you don't know your alphabet, try not singing an alphabet song. My boyfriend is worried Sam is going to be 'taken over by the 'domestic violence ghost' in the safe house.
I don't get what Charlie is getting at here. Why doesn't she want Dexter and Callum getting on? What would be so awful about it?
DI Dan has stepped in! Everyone go to sleep before he gets the taser out. Charlie, don't apologise for something you haven't done.
Ha, that was funny when Dan caught Hazel and Charlie out whispering, too.
Why is Dan sticking up for Callum? Doesn't he hate Callum?! This has been edited pretty poorly because I have no idea who's right, who's wrong, or what's going on. Mind you, what's new?