Ultimate Big Brother: Be Aggressive... be-ee aggressive

(oops forgot to post this yesterday... mind you, it was rubbish!)
Oh Coolio, you creep. Why did you leave? I wonder if it will always remain a mystery. I smell a cover-up. Interesting they're showing it at 8pm tonight too; lots of bleeps hide the sense of the argument nicely.
LOL to Victor slagging off Preston's dress sense.
What got Nadia so aerated? Why didn't they show it? Something's amiss. Nadia is SO annoying, though. She really needs to relax.
'A series of incidents...' Hmm. WHAT AREN'T THEY SHOWING US?! Do they think we're idiots? He wasn't on BBLB today either. FISHY. Looks like they kicked him out to me.
Ukrika self-hating blonde. Boo.
Chantelle was the only one who looked the least bit bothered about Coolio going. Nadia was outright smirking.
I like the way Nikki operates when she wants something! We could all learn a lesson from her.
I love what Michelle and Victor are saying in the bedsit, it's the exact same thing that we say at home! Victor's one-liners are sharp!
Nadia's slave! It's the return of St(ale)! I thought we'd seen the back of this boring bastard long ago.
Brian: Can I dance? LOL. Although this show seems quite sedate in some ways I'm really enjoying it.
I think Victor was enjoying 'Womaniser' more than Brian. His slating of Preston is good.
I think Michelle is right: how you are 6 years ago is different. She definitely seems different.
Send Ziggy in! Ziggy was quality.
Hold on, how did Victor make Michelle cry? WTF. How sensitive is she! He's a pussycat! get them in the house and let's get on with fings.

Ultimate Big Brother: Prankster's paradise

Hmm, wouldn't you love to start the day by being perved over by Coolio? So glad he left the house today. Vile man.
URGH and john perving too! Gross. So glad they've both gone, disgusting excuses for men.
I see Makosi is referring to herself in the third person. Brilliant.
I like watching Nikki and Brian together. Those were more innocent times!
Something tells me it doesn't take much to bruise Makosi's ego. Shut up about the VT. A single bed cannot contain that ego. GIVE MAKOSI HER PHONE, you selfish arseholes. And a new wardrobe.
John's silent schtick is BORING. Chantelle has got poor taste in men.
Preston doesn't know how to spell his own name! Even Chantelle can spell it.
Nadia laughing at Nikki's strop. I think I'd laugh, too.
Too many egos in that house. Ulrika is starting to look normal.
Preston took her engagement ring back! He'd have to have sawed that bugger off my hand. He's got a fucking cheek.
Brian shouldn't put ideas in Chantelle's head like that. It's cruel.
I can't believe I forgot to comment on John's last last night. Nice of him and Coolio to coordinate outfits. Bristols, I'm coming to get you. Heh.
SO glad I don't have to listen to Coolio's bullshit anymore! He didn't deserve to be in there. He's a useless person,and a rubbish character. I'm betting he said something transphobic to Nadia.
Chantelle's dress sense is really weird now. She looks like a middle-aged housewife in Greece tonight.
Bye John. What a strange man he is. Bad childhood, I guess.
I like seeing Nadia getting riled, but Coolio is abhorrent.
Ahhhh SO good to have Victor back. He was really good on the live feed last night. He was saying he's still friends with Jason! Bananas.
I like the decor in the bedsit.
I don't mind Michelle either, she seems a lot better than she used to be.
Victor is a much better villain than Coolio because he's funny and likeable.
Is Ulrika crying over Mr Snuggles? Get a grip, love. Got something you want to tell us?

Ultimate Big Brother: Guess who's back?

BETTER NEVER THAN LATE! It's 2.42am. I won't do a tired cry. VICTOR IS GOING IN! Whoop! And Michelle Bass. No naked Jacuzziness.
NB. You could park a bike between Chanelle's boobs. I don't like John's pink baseball cap.
JOHN'S ON STRIKE. It's diet coke-gate again. Can you imagine living with this cunt?
So glad Josie left. Nothing is worth that mental stress.
NOMS. Weird to have nominations and evictions on the same night. PAUL MCKENNA GATE. What is Makosi wearing? Paul McKenna has cost her dear.
Why has Brian got that anorak on?
See Ulrika smirking when Josie bolted! GO JOSIE. I hope you enjoys those pincers.
Darren! Was he that camp in series 1? I feel like he was. They should have brought Craig in for this 'plotting a dirty plan' stuff.
2nd show. Sorry my blog is lacklustre. I'm drunk but on the way down.
Josie smelt crab in the garden!
Seems WAY too early for an eviction. Shame John went. He's better than Coolio although not by much. Get Coolio out next.
Oh well, at least he shook Makosi's faith in God. That's something at least.
Wow, 50.6% of the vote! That's close.
Yeah, bye John, whatevs.
Victor! The slick man. I remember him for making girls cry and weilding a knife! Oh and for having the sniffles after his cold showers. Isn't he an investment banker now? Glad to see Victor in there. Is he only 29? He seems like a relic. But he looks the same!
BASS. Bring Stu in for a task. I liked Stu. Not right the way they kicked him out the diary room door. He didn't deserve that. I DON'T FORGET.
Where's her Geordie accent gone? No love lost between her and Victor, I see.
Reviving the bedsit is a good idea. Victor is doing the doof doofs! Is the smoke alarm going off? It looks like Dot Cotton's house.
I like the 'other' diary room. Nikki would be the funniest to play a trick on. OMG Nikki is going to FREAK.
Nikki: 'it's Rex!' Yeah, all gingers are Rex. Where is Rex?!
Victor FTW. Recognise.

Ultimate Big Brother: The triumph of the heart

So Josie hit the road. And who can blame her? I honestly think it's mental torture to get someone out for 15 minutes and then shove them back in again with no one they know. And then calling it a PRIZE? Start the show on Friday when she'd got her head together. But no. They have to do it all in five minutes and fuck it up as usual. I would have run screaming for the hills immediately. The winner shouldn't have to walk. It's not right. I'd take crab eyes over it a million times over. I hope she enjoys her night with him, or month with him or whatever she gets. She's not stupid; she knows it's not forever. For all the people saying she's let the nation down, she hasn't. It's all Big Brother's fault. She's done herself a big favour. I am hoping to see her and crabby on the front of a magazine soon. She deserves her press, her BBLB and her BBBM. I saw her on BBLB today and you could tell George had a soft spot for her. Weirdly I am starting to like George Lamb in the past few days. How did THAT happen? He seems like he actually watches the show these days, which helps.
The one good thing about Josie going is we don't have to hear endless picking over BB11 all the time now, which was dull enough the first time round. NO MORE CRAB EYES! It feels like starting afresh.
Nadia is being a cunt! Does she not get how fragile Josie must be feeling? Nadia is either needlessly cruel or a fucking idiot. And the 'or' is generous.
NICK. Please say 'if you live by the sword, you die by the sword'. SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT!
Imagine if you were Preston's girlfriend listening to them two reminiscing about who used to cook- fucking hell! I'd slit my wrists now and save myself the agony.
Coolio makes me feel PHYSICALLY SICK. He's got bunches today. Novel way to cover up a bald patch, though. Ooh, Makosi just called it.
How long before Makosi brings out her real personality? She's got the prison jumpsuit on, anyway.
Nikki has got OCD and then some.
Preston's girlfriend's out of the country! Convenient. God he was 23 when he got divorced! Shocking. Brian is giving him a good grilling.
Ulrika: 'the end of any marriage is sad.' You should know. Nosy fuckers aint they.
OMG what's up Nadia's arse? She is being a complete arsehole.
John is giving the speech NO ONE DARED GIVE TO DAVE! Hallelujah! That was amazing. Wouldn't it be brilliant if John McCrazy won it! Makosi looks livid! She had no comeback.
Ah, here comes Makosi! 'I'm so bored'. LOL. Her whole religious upbringing destroyed in a single speech. You're not in UBB because of the jacuzzi, you're in it because you're a PSYCHO.
Oh Kat. Please drop fucking dead. OMG GRACE. Please drop dead too. Please.
John. Please put your shirt on. Lisa. Please drop dead.
What happened to the glittering TV career Coolio was going to set up for Terry Christian in LA?
EW to John getting a quick screw on the side. Gross.
So nasty when they all rounded on Josie about John James. I hope John failed his task for that. I wish someone would stick up for her.
Oh God, then he made Chantelle cry! Fucking hell. John: 'I'll apologise if I have to'. Kind!
Mind you, didn't Chantelle bring it up in the first place? Also, what is she wearing? She looks like Michelle Obama. I miss her New Look look.
Why on earth did Chantelle sign herself up for this? It's like signing up to get kicked in the face!
Yeah John was so nice to people he made two girls cry!
Oh god, Coolio talks transgender issues. Brace yourself.
Nasty Nick counselling Josie by calling John James 'a small scar'. I could see Ulrika and Nasty Nick having it off.
WTF is John's problem? He's too much, he really is.
Oh God, poor Chantelle. Run, follow Josie out the door. This path can only lead to pain. That diary room entry was heartbreaking.
Oh God, now tears from Josie! This is the saddest BB ever. Josie put her finger on it when she said 'they all know more about me and John James than I do.' That's the killer isn't it? I'd go mad if people came in there telling me what to feel.
WTF is that hammock about? Who brought that fucker in?
At the end of this show, I wanted it to be longer. I haven't felt like that FOR THE WHOLE OF BB11! UBB FTW.

Ultimate Big Brother: The fire still burns!

Just piled through a bit of evil feed and this is what happened last night. Preston said he didn't like the shiny bed covers. Nikki banged her head. Ulrika told Josie her life story. John McDisgusting drank 2 cans of diet coke and ate some cheese at about 3.30am. No wonder he can't sleep! The at 4am Nadia got up and ate what looked like a pastry. Oh, no I think it was toast.
What must Preston and Chantelle's parents think seeing them together again? They must have all been through the mill a bit; divorce isn't easy even if the marriage lasted five minutes. If I was Preston's girlfriend I'd be worried. There's definitely something between them, I'm just not sure what. Intriguing!
Nadia: what the fuck is she wearing? About Makosi. Heh.
Uncoolio (or fast forward the live feed). John M giving Nikki a warning! LOL. Don't stand next to Nikki, Josie. I wouldn't. Even Chantelle looks like a giant by comparison.
I'm disappointed Big Brother isn't referring to Nick as 'Nasty Nick' over the tannoy.
Ooh Crab Eyes hate is starting! Nadia is being too harsh, give Josie a break. She doesn't need to hear that right now. That was needlessly blunt.
Ulrika mentioning Chris Rea. Is that the most modern artist she could think of?
Josie is smoking real fags at last! Did she get 'em out of her hundred K?
Nikki's face is a joy to watch, it's entertainment in itself!
Josie's head must be SPINNING! Can you imagine how overwhelming it is to be in that situation?
Nikki and John talk politics! It's like Question Time. I like Nikki's hair. She's just a one off.
Coolio is a sex pest. I hope he gets thrown out.
John McDietCoke is so revolting, but he is funny sometimes, which is annoying as he's so vile. Him in his pants is enough to make my vagina curl up and cover it's eyes.
Tree! I saw John on live feed being nice to Preston and I thought it was odd. Now I know why!
Chantelle is a sad figure with her 'all men cheat' mantra. It's not men, it's the way you've set your personality up to feel worthless, I'm afraid. You could have had it all before the boob job and the Jordan-over. Coolio is putting the moves on her! Why is she even sitting in there with him (in the owl's house)?
Nasty Nick better be plotting a devious plan to shake this shit up!
Chantelle: 'remember when you threw my book in the bath?' What sort of tyranny was she living under with Preston?! The animal!!!
Chantelle: 'is a misogynist the same as a feminist?' Not so much. Chantelle: 'he's got a girlfriend'. He had a girlfriend last time!!! Sounds like she's still interested to me. PS: It's not still your wedding anniversary once you've split up!
Josie has been on good form in tonight's show. I think she's been funny. It is a prison sentence for her!
Is Coolio having his own 'pow pow pow' moment?
LOL to John wearing a nappy. He's not going toilet, he's going to stuff his face and guzzle Diet Coke. Josie's claws are out!
There was a buzz about the show tonight. Looking forward to seeing Makosi's crisis of confidence tomorrow!

Big Brother 11: The Final/ Ultimate Big Brother

So I'm watching the start of this alone because my boyfriend is working and is not the slightest bit interested in watching JJ and Andrew get interviewed. I'm more of a purist, but will have to pause for him after an hour.
So who else thinks it's a mistake that they are doing the final and starting UBB on the same night? I mean, obviously the whole fucking show is mistake after mistake, but this seems a particularly duff one, especially considering Josie is going to be Prom Queen. I mean, she's barely going to get to see her mum, let alone 'smooth John James over'. I also think this show should be split into two shows, to make the distinction more apparent.
As for the UBB line up, I've heard it's shit. Saw Brian Belo on Studio 5 saying he's not going in but I think it's flim flam as he's been protesting too much. I mean he'd do it, and people love him. It makes no sense. Plus he said something about celebs being in 'hiding'- I don't think they've bothered with that shit for time.
What I'm hoping is, all the stuff about Ashleeeeeen etc not going in is bullshit to throw us off the scent. That's what I'm HOPING. (My only mistake is I'm hoping...) as Morrissey once said.
Weird they're not stringing out the voting lines either. They've really shit on this show this year. Normally you can change the result by voting late, ie. if you vote on the final two.
Boring just waiting for Josie to win. I've just voted for Mario. Do we have to hear about Dave and his boring daughter again?
WTF Dave has been dating his daughter? Oh God, I've heard it all now. 'I am not a watermelon'. Well done, she's going to get bullied at school even more than she was already.
Why DID John James come into the house with a photo of himself?
Josie negotiating a watermelon! LOL.
I used to like the old BB finals when there was about three of them in there knocking round like ghouls.
Andrew's face about Josie's speech. Oh, bless him.
Oh God, Don't Stop Believing! I was hearing that in bed last night, praying for deafness.
LOL to JJ's dancing! What a prick! I love the way Josie doesn't give a shit. She really embraces life and is so kind to everyone.
The did heart hands! My friend makes people do those.
Ex housemates! OMG Ben looks so cool in that red coat. Ben FTW. Oh. The less said about Ife's singing career the better. Shabby and Keever looked like a couple. Keever's hair looked good red.
Love the fact Ben and Sam were the only housemates who came out on his own.
Ugh Nathan. Like Rachael's red lipstick.
I like the fact John James picked up that girl's bra she threw at him!
Aw Dermot. We didn't know how good we had it. And even then it was shit.
OK, here we go, 5th place. Is that Dave's best shirt? Aw Andrew. It should have been JJ. I like Andrew's cardie. He looks so happy! You can't wipe that smile off his face.
Andrew's best bits were good. I like Andrew. He's just dull. The watermelon was the lols though. Did you have sexual relations with that watermelon?
Giant John James looming over Andrew whilst he talks. Scary. Andrew: 'I'm 100% geek.'
4th. It's gotta be JJ right? Ah it is. Good.
OMG JJ going out with sunglasses on. What a prize cunt. Behold his tartan waistcoat. What a ginormous cock. He looks like he's ram-raided Topman.
JJ: 'there's so many things that I did'. No, you did fuck all. You're no dark horse. You're a fucking DONKEY.
He's so boring looking he turns my stomach, it's like someone's painted a face on a rotting egg.
Get your tongue out of John James's rectum, you turkey. The public hate him, and they can barely be bothered to raise their eyes to the screen for your insipid bullshit.
When Corin was saying he was 'fit' I think she met 'thick'.
And now I'm going to pause it and wait for my boyfriend so bye Digital Spy and Twitter. I guess whos' second and who's third is the only shock really, so I'm going to wait and share it!
OK I'm back! OMG how did Dave beat Mario. OMG Mario's COAT. What is he thinking? It looks like he's had a horticultural mishap. I've never seen Mario look more gay. if his family didn't get the message by now, here's the living sign.
Dave getting to the final two reminds me of when that orange wanker Jungle Cat Jason was in the final two. Just wrong, wrong, wrong. I will never understand either decision as long as I live.
Mario's teeth look ENORMOUS tonight, like he's battling with Davina. Mario wins.
Mario seems nervous! The mole done good. He definitely slumped badly for 80% of the show though.
Mario's clips: yes, you're a creep. Davina did not ask him ONE QUESTION about being the mole. Jesus that was Mario's one storyline. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!
Oh god, the thought of Dave coming out going on about the glory and being smug is just horrific.
I like the big screen behind them, it's good to see the reactions.
Whatan anti-climactic ending. Josie didn't look very shocked to win. I love seeing the shocked faces the best. Except Dave's shocked face. She seemed completely non-plussed! Shocking.
ARGH I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR HIM TO GET BOOED FOR TWO MONTHS. This is cruel. Why are they cheering him? It's like a knife through my heart.
I want to see Josie in the house on her own on the big screen now. I like that moment. Deprived again!
I'm surprised Dave aint wearing his green t-shirt on, he's got his finest TK Maxx on instead.
Well done loonies, you have given us a homphobic, sexist, werewolf-loving, dinosaur-denying fat Welsh bible-bashing TWAT for a runner up. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
Look at Dave before and after! Before: a cunt! After: a cunt!
The reason Josie got 77% of the vote is because YOU CLOSED THE PHONE LINES after ten minutes.
Josie needs a stylist, quick! Spend that 100K on new dresses! Why is she snuffling up those steps. I like the fact she came out holding a paper bag! Class.
Ah, look how HAPPY John James looks! I think I saw a tear in that crab eye! NOT! HE LOOKED MISERABLE AS SIN! Keever had a face like thunder, too.
Aw Josie's gonna pay for Steve's leg! Lush.
First in, last out. I've seen it so many times. Good on her, you know. I like her. I just feel non-plussed by the whole charade.
Ah, show wrap-up. Sob. NEXT!
Ok let's see who they've got lined up for us. Josie's first back in! That wasn't much of a break. She probably wants to go out and have a party. Did she even get to see her mum! Fuck me. She's straight into the booze.
Ok, who's in? Oh god, Chantelle. I miss her blonde hair and green eyeshadow and orange lipstick. She looks really weird now, like a dowdy old housewife with her bun and gigantic boobs. I hope I can grow to like her again. Ooh, she looks blonder. I think she'll get on with Josie.
Preston! Are they going to get back together? Twice in a lifetime opportunity! Does Preston need this? Is he going to start telling her what to wear again? He's got MOZ HAIR complete with receeding hairline. Where's Galloway?
Preston to Chantelle: 'do you come here often?' Chantelle: 'you look so much shorter'. How weird to go somewhere where you met and fell in love with your ex wife! Chantelle looked freaked out.
I could live without Nadia to be honest. She was only good because of her secret; she doesn't have a secret now. Nadia's dress isn't very flattering! She looks fat, bless her.
Nadia; 'welcome to the family.' That was nice. This is making me feel sick with nerves!
Brain Dowling! He's also fat. But I like him. Not sure he's got the Jim Davidson vote. LOL Nasty Nick said he looked like Eammon Holmes! Good insult.
OMG! ULRIKA! It's like Dave already again! Can't we get rid of that money grabbing bitch? She offered NOTHING to that show. How she won was completely beyond me. I used to like her before she was in Big Brother. This is the first bad person in there. Her hair looks nice though.
Oh god, and from the shit to the offensive. I can't fucking STAND MAKOSI. I don't ever want to see that person again. EVER! PS: revolting dress. I foresee fights with Preston.
John McCruick helpfully just spelt out his name for me. I can't stand him either, obviously. DIET COKE. Don't collude with that Booby business, Davina. Honestly, I feel sick. What trousers has he got on?
Can we have someone good again now? Please? COOLIO! Are you kidding me? HE WAS USELESS.
Where the fuck is Ashleeeeen, Rex, Victor, Brian Belo, Samanda, Marcus, Freddie, Pete.. I could go on. At least
Nikki! Thank fuck. At least she's a real housemate. I like Nikki, she's funny. Her sister came to my writing group once and spoke just like her, and I peeked at the register and it was N. Grahame. LOL.
God, look how small she is, she's like a doll. Bring on the strops.
Nasty nick! How many times have you seen that Nasty Nick clip? I think I've seen it 45875485749387 times. What is Nasty Nick wearing? I hope everyone addresses him as Nasty Nick in the house. Me and my friend Nic used to have a Nasty Nick SHRINE! Oh those were the days. Was that 11 years ago? Yikes.
My boyfriend is saying the line up could have been worse, but how? I'd have rather seen Michelle Bass than Coolio and you can bet your life she'd have been cheaper.
They never have known what the public want. Shame.
PS. Just flicked onto BBBM. At least they didn't put Dane Bowers in.

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: The Final: Return to Svender

I've been waiting to use that title for weeks, and now it makes no fucking sense! Thanks Ulrika. Thanks a lot.
I have to admit I started running out of steam with BB from about Wednesday. Watching people who don't want to be somewhere is depressing. It's like being at work again.
The final dinner felt a bit empty; Terry calling Ulrika stuck up, Ben being conceited, Verne moaning about women, Coolio and Terry scratching each other's backs.
So the Ben-doll was first out. Who voted for Ulrika over Ben? Ben is dull as fuck but at least he's blandly pretty. Maybe Ulrika got the women's vote?
NOW LISTEN. OK Davina. I'm listening, but nothing of interest is being said. Ben's interview was notable only for him staring misty-eyed at himself during his best bits.
VERNE in 4th?!! WTF! That was a genuine shocker. Davina did some GOOD patronising. Verne did NOT deserve to be 4th! Beaten by Ulrika, who did nothing but grumble the entire time. Verne shoulda been second, cuz. Denied!
I'd not seen Verne grin before; he looked very happy in the limelight. I liked him appreciating the crowd! Verne was pretty cool. His best bits were definitely top quality.
SO LISTEN! ARGHHHH.
Shocked Coolio was third too. How did Ulrika beat HIM? Were the public taking revenge for the anti-Brit chat? I have to say I'm not that upset that the 'bitches/hos' contigent got the elbow, but Coolio was good value. He put his heart and soul into it.
Terry! Terry! Terry!
Interesting that adversaries Terry and Ulrika were left. Best of British? She's Swedish, you munt!
Coolio was OK in his interview, I liked his sun and moon crap and he looked quite snazzy. There seemed to be a fair bit of booing.
And so. Ulrika-ka-ka won. Er... HOW? I think they got the results mangled up in the wash. RECOUNT!
Terry was charming and cute. He put in the time and amused, entertained and educated every night whilst Ulrika snoozed. I liked the fact he didn't apologise for calling the voters thick. I want to be his friend! Davina, 'There was one small error that could have cost you the whole thing.' Yeah, Ulrika winning, even though barely anyone likes her!
Ulrika must have come out of that house thinking we'd finally taken her into our hearts. Actually, most people were just genuinely baffled. I supported Ulrika from Day 1, and I always liked her on Shooting Stars, but I was disappointed with her in the house. She was depressing. If anything she avoided getting involved and that should not have been rewarded.
Davina is right; Ulrika was unwilling. WHY did she win? Nobody knows! Her eyeliner was good, but her dreary harping about her kids and husband was just snoozies. AND she was high-handed. Was it a feminist backlash? It can't be! I'm a feminist, but even I have my limits.
Weirdness. I've never seen such an odd result. What does it mean for the future of BB? Will Terry get a TV show? What will Ulrika do next?
I think my boyfriend summed it up with 'those fireworks are misplaced'.
I don't know, but I'm going to blog about some more high-brow shit in future. Things are changing around here!

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: They Make 'em Tough in Compton

They FINALLY chat about Jacko! La Toya gave Tommy SUCH a look when he mentioned Neverland. Coolio: 'He had a giraffe, cuz.' Heh.
Man-child Terry Christian did some armpit licking! I know some people who quite enjoy that sort of thing. So that's two things that are thick and salty so far.
I liked Coolio in his swimming cossy. He was in a serious sulk. Verne's task was pretty crap. He's only got tiny lungs so it seemed a bit cruel. I didn't get why they were laughing so much. I like it when Coolio is all protective over Verne.
Ben seemed like he quite enjoyed that granny-snog!
I liked Ulrika's joy at Tommy's suffering. 'He's in so much pain, hahaha!'
Verne looked like he was sitting on a throne as L&T were evicted. I thought Ulrika looked pretty tonight. Yes, she WAS happy when La Toya was evicted. Dur!
I liked Verne menacing Ben on his scooter. Verne plus scooter plus booze equals fun for all the family.
This time tomorrow, it's done.
Vote TC.

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: A Distant History

I was glad they got to watch the Obama-rama. They showed it at my work and I chipped off home and everyone looked at me like I was Satan. I saw in the laundrette after though, which was much more fitting. I liked it when he fucked up the speech a bit. It was cute.
The American task, however, was boring as shit. It was such dross. Tommy is the worst Big Brother contestant of all time, like someone you don't like from work being in the house. He has no entertainment value whatsoever. I liked Ulrika getting snappy with him. He's a DICK!
Rodeo: don't land on your nose, La Toya! I'd rather have seen Verne in it.
It was moving watching them watching the inaugauration speech. I'm glad Obama said that about non-believers, what a step forward. Terry seemed less impressed with history than usual! Did Coolio turn on the tears for the camera? Maybe he did and maybe he didn't, but I don't mind either way.
What was up La Toya's arse? She can see the TV can't she? Zenophobe! Verne: 'if it wasn't for us, other countries wouldn't exist.' Eh? God Save the Queen dude, we invented you! Who was he moaning about, Terry? As usual, the important stuff gets edited out.
It was interesting to hear about the American national pride; one of my most dearly-loved friends is American and I remember being gobsmacked by her national pride and love for her country. I know it's beaten into them, but it's something we can never really know.
I wasn't surprised La Toya was evicted, you know. I mean, who would pick up a phone and vote for her? But even so, more people voted for TOMMY that her? Hells bells. She does have a damn good body for an old dear, I'll give her that. Shame she looks like Jacko in a (different) fright wig. Ooh, she got a big cheer.
La Toya was very considered in her interview, and gave nothing away, surprise, surprise. She's a funny thing (obviously), a strange coquettish thing. But she must like the attention a bit? Davina licked her arse good!
Tommy: 'thank fuck for that'. Yeah, right, BROTHER. Boooooooooooooooo. I can't believe Davina still says that 'it's all panto' schtick. No it's not, we hate you!
There's nothing to say about his interview because he's nobody's nothing. Back to obscurity for you, dullard. PS. Davina should have asked him about that stupid thing he said to Michelle about them dancing together. But then Davina should ask a lot of things she doesn't.
NB. I liked Coolio's live feed speech last night in which he ranted incomprehensibly about how a little kid from India or a little Buddhist girl could grow up to be prime minister of England one day. Hehe.
PS: I have not seen ONE PERSON in the specially built jail in BB yet. Really, what is the fucking point? Endemol: fail.

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: Verne Baby Verne

Poor Verne! How embarrassing being harangued to get off the toilet when you have chilli-bum! It's moments like that you really need to be on your own.
Michelle was astute predicting the nature of her demise. Ben- THREE SCUNT ACTION. Not needed!
Coolio's acting was super-camp. Verne looked good with the video camera. You can tell that 'ego' comment really got to Ulrika, didn't it, she's only mentioned it in EVERY SINGLE TASK SINCE. Get over it!
Terry's take off of Tina was spot-on. I have a funny feeling he didn't like her quite as much as he seemed to! No one could even be fucked to imitate Mutya! Ha.
Who PUT Verne in that highchair? It seems somewhat exploitative? I think he rather enjoyed beating up Coolio and La Toya.
I loved them all snoozing at Terry's history schtick. Very cute. I enjoyed this task a lot.
Verne snogging and stroking that baby and calling it Mutya will be giving Mutya nightmares for years to come, I'm sure. The word creepy is insufficient. Verne is a misogynistic, nasty little drunk but he gets away with murder. I can't think why (ahem). If he was average sized, I think he'd be a disliked housemate, as he's generally quite introverted. I do like Verne, though, despite his flaws, and not because he's 'cute' (although he can be). He's got an interesting story, and I like his anti-socialness. But he's still not as good a winner as Terry.
I liked Big Brother playing mind games with them all. Loved Terry and Coolio cuddling. Terry was loving it! He even started smoking his fag in a camp manner. Coolio's blatant homophobia was tragic. And Ulrika's Swedish dissing of them all was great. Big Brother should do that sort of crap constantly.
I like it when very shallow people declare some dumb comment to be 'deep'. Deep normally means using words of more than one syllable. Coolio did have a point; why WAS Ben letting Michelle cut his hair?!
Did you clock how when Davina came on the screen, Ulrika immediately uncovered her shoulders? What was that all about? She didn't look very upset this time around either; something tells me she wants to make it to Friday now. There's something steely in her that upsets people, but it's how she's got where she is now.
That was weird when Michelle left they played crowd noise; normally they let the housemates listen for the boos. Verne looked a bit sad after.
Coolio, the word is 'proud', not 'prideful.' Don't make me come in there.
Interesting Terry did his real nominations when they were doing the fake nominations. I think he likes to be very upfront; so upfront he bugs people, but at least he's at peace with himself.
Verne was actually right when he said in the greater scheme of things history means nothing. One meteor could put pay to all the art and science on the planet. But at the same time; to look at life like that is kind of depressing. It's nice to feel like you have a place in space and time. For example, today America inaugurated the first black president, not that you'd know it from my blog.
I liked the low-level tension when Verne was dissing Coolio. Coolio gives him a lot of leeway, which I like to watch.I liked the bit at the end when Verne said he was starstruck by Coolio, it was very honest and Coolio was almost gracious about it. They have an interesting and very real dynamic to their relationship. You got the feeling Ben wasn't really feeling it. But then robots can't cry, can they? And he sure aint no international superstar.

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: It doesn't hurt

Secret eviction! Clashing with Eastenders! Boo.
'Ben, this is Big Brother. Please remove your knitwear. You look stupid.' So Ben nominated Ulrika because HE leaves the toilet seat up! Peculiar. And Coolio for being sexist. Yes, Coolio is sexist. As is Verne. It gets cut out of the highlights mostly. But isn't Ben's reason for nominating Ulrika sexism (or inverse sexism anyway?)
Coolio gave the same reason as Ben. Conspiracy? No, I think Ulrika just rubs folk up the wrong way. He nominated Michelle for 'de-glossing his shine.' Cute.
Latoya nominated Ulrika. I don't think Ulrika stares maliciously. She just has one of those faces that looks mardy, I think. Michelle also has 'the eye'. Oh, well, it's better than 'the nose.'
Michelle thinks Coolio is avoiding nomination 'by making the lads in his gang'; that's just being friends with people, isn't it? The women have really come out worse off in this series. They come off boring and bitter. It's a shame, because most women aren't so. Haha, Michelle nommed Tommy for using the word 'homie'. Quite right.
Advert rage! MUMS GO TO ICELAND... ARGH. Sexist wankers. The unemployed go to Iceland, more like. Followed by an advert warning about heart disease. How A-P-T.
Terry went against the boyos and voted for Ben in case he reunites A4! Haha. Funny. OMG he nommed Verne! I LOVED the reason why. Verne dissed history, Terry's bambino! Defender of the kings and queens gone past! Terry to win!
Tommy, you thicko, Ulrika's name is Ulrika, not EUREKA. I've told you this before, you bellowing gorilla of a man. He also nominated Michelle for being immature. Truth.
Ulrika said rather royally; 'if one answers a question'. Haha. And she nominated Terry for being a know-it-all and a chauvinist. He's not a chauvanist because he doesn't like you, Ulrika, that sort of cobblers gives feminism a bad name.
Verne nominated Ulrika for, guess what, being controlling. If I was her and came out and saw four or five people had said this about me, I'd take a little look at myself.
Verne nominated Terry! Shocker. Are they fighting for Coolio's affections?! I reckon they just think the other might win, y'know. The good old tactical vote.
I loved Terry telling Coolio you get a caravan for winning! Class.
So, Michelle and Ulrika were up for the hoofage. Glad it wasn't Coolio, love him or loathe him, he's made this year's show. He's funny, offensive, annoying, argumentative, opinionated, intelligent (at times), caring (at times) and very honest. Personally that combination works for me, I'd rather go on a night out with him and his tall tales than Ben and his scunt and silly little hat and his piss-covered toilet seat.
Recycled tasks! Chillis. Oh dear. I wish they'd think of something new. Ben didn't even eat it an amusing manner. Coolio just ate his like an apple! Chillio! And they got KFC for their troubles. Sweet. Better to go first on that task, I think. The anticipation looked painful.
I thought La Toya only eats salmon! Nice coughing ploy to get out of it. I enjoyed seeing her suffer, for no particular reason other than she's a bit spoilt! That's probably the worst thing she's ever had to do in her life. Although when she was repeating 'it doesn't hurt, it doesn't hurt' I had scary visions of the kiddies cowering round at Wacko's house.
I thought they were all quite brave in the chilli task actually. I certainly wouldn't have done it! Verne was effortless! Big brother so made up what they would or wouldn't do as the task went on.
Interesting when Coolio asked Ulrika if she'd been with a black man. I couldn't help thinking Terry had been in his ear about Stan Collymore! I wouldn't be surprised.
Tommy is right to criticise Michelle for not knowing what integrity means. It's unforgivable. I watched her and Ben talking on the live feed and it was the most pointless dross I'd ever heard. They are worse than lobotomised. Terry perhaps lost a few votes with the comment; 'all the thick types who vote on shows like this'. What about the thick types who GO in it?! It's a bit gross to see three grown men bitching so much though, bit sad, really. That's what's good about this BB in way though; even the likeable characters are seriously flawed. I like that, personally.
They all looked rather dapper at the eviction didn't they? Michelle looked really good actually; at least she wasn't dumped out looking ropey. She didn't take her wolfy with her though! Aaaaaaaooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh! Poor little wolfy. Maybe Ben will cuddle it later (or rub himself against it if he's feeling adventurous). I actually wish Ulrika had gone.
Ooh Michelle got serious booage. I must remind myself to pose for pictures in a coquettish, neck-broken manner.
The interview; Davina coos over Coolio and tells Michelle she should have 'laughed off' getting constantly wound up and insulted and sexually harrassed. Sigh! Do they have the same agent?
The Ben thing was just tedious, really. I thought it was very honest of Michelle to say that about her ex-husband and Davina reacted to it very childishly and idiotically, actually. At least she corrected the Eureka nonsense, though.
Davina: 'That's where Coolio's from and that's how everyone talks about people.' So presuming Coolio's mum is from the same area as Coolio (right?) she calls women bitches and hos too, yeah? Nice use of the non-discriminatory 'people' too. You can't be racist or homophobic on Big Brother these days, but women are STILL regularly insulted and the person doing the insulting defended. You and me, equality... if only.
That's mad that Michelle saw that clip of Verne on The Surreal Life! I hadn't seen it and I consider myself fairly on top of popular culture what with me old blog and that.
I thought Michelle came across OK in her interview. I used to hate the Heaton; and now I'm back to feeling indifferent to her. Hurrah!

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: The Game is Afoot

A word on yesterday's show. It felt like one of those where they chopped out more than they kept in, this the highlights seemed jumbled. Sounds like there was a lot more of Verne's rampage we missed; shame.
Mutya leaving was a bit of a downer; can't say I blame her, though. The man/woman divide has been depressing to watch. At least she had the balls to go rather than harping on about it and not following through.
La Toya's innocent mask is starting to slip a little; some of the things she says I agree with, but was she trying to set Coolio against Terry?! Not cool!
Coolio's 'she's one of them girls who forgets her boyfriend when she gets drunk' about Michelle was true; but Ben should have defended her. Coolio lying on the floor with his legs open was just crass. I don't think homphobia or racism would be treated so casually as their constant sexism (and I include Verne in this too).
On the live feed on Saturday night Ben also said he'd 'do a gig for the BNP.' Lush! Terry was right about the integrity thing, after all.
Tonight's offerings; I don't know if I believe La Toya's conspiracy against Michelle; because the public DON'T vote for cry-babies.
Michelle: 'what does pensive mean?' How do people get to be so thick? I really don't get it. I went to a crappy school, in a crappy town, but I read a sodding book every now and again. I genuinely don't know any thick people. I just wouldn't allow it.
HA! Ulrika asking Ben out to WRITE songs! *snort*
Tommy! Pish off. Why was he being such a dickwad? Oh and shave your back, it's disgusting. And he started on Ulrika for nothing. Is he on the blob or what?
Ben's song was a bit naughty, saying Michelle was wet for him! Was there a glimmer of personality there behind his dead, pretty eyes?
The song they did was alright; Verne's mullet was good. 'I hate this song/ I hate this task/ vote for me or I'll kick your arse.' was a touch of genius. I liked La Toya's afro as well.
Why does everyone hate Ulrika? She is a little officious but she's not THAT bad. Tommy, on the other hand, is a complete and utter cock-rash.
Terry's Ulrika-grudge is a little wearing, too. Get over it, dude.
PS: Coolio's statements always make the best blog titles.

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: Hungry Ass

SO LISTEN. (Davina, please stop saying this, I AM listening)
Show Verne's meltdown! Now on channel 4, an exclusive advert. FUCK OFF! Show Verne's meltdown!
Tina and Mutya; dwarf hating! DON'T KICK THE GOLDEN GOOSE! Give him some champagne!!!
Note to the Endetrolls: NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE SHOPPING LIST!
Tommy, bro. Coolio, bro. Ulrika-ka-ka called Coolio an anus!
I'm not being funny, but Tina said 'I'm not being funny...' three times tonight. When I hear the words 'I'm not being funny', I immediately replace it in my head with 'I'm a an utter cunt, so ignore the following statement..' So Tina (bowling ball with legs; Coolio's words, not mine) finally blew, but it was boring (except Michelle smirking). She is just a FISHWIFE. It's not sexism; it's idiocy. TINA was sexist with her 'fucking me and paying me mortgage' comment. Her attitude is disgraceful. Put the bitch in jail. She's the most intimidating person in the house.
Coolio was doing a Rex bigging up his cooking credentials. Coolio should respect Ulrika because 'she's married with four kids.' So what?! You should respect people anyway. I'm not married and I have no kids. Where's my medal?
BEN! Take your scunt off, it's getting BORING. I bet it's all filthy round your neck.
'If you don't moan for an hour; you can have a party'; So they all start arguing and moaning. The only way they can do it is to not speak at all. Shame!
How apt they played a song with the lyrics 'freak out' just before Verne went postal!
We were scared when we saw that smashed glass on the live feed last night! I thought Verne had kicked some arse.
Michelle, here's your letter from home; YOU'RE DUMPED! Haha to Ulrika's 'I think you and Ben could have sex now'; that was really funny.
Did Verne fold because he had a letter from home? He was kind of menacing circling round in his scooter. That was good TV. The silence was deafening. He's a naughty one, chatting up Ben and stuff! Coolio's 'we need to take your keys bro' was brilliant. His one liners are spot on at times.
The tension between La Toya and Verne was really interesting. Him cracking onto her was the best. 'With your smile you can do anything'. They would be the most brilliant couple ever.
I liked him beeping his horn at Mutya. I prefer naughty Verne! He's more well-rounded.
Evictions; the louder the 'YES' the more gutted they are! Haha. There goes your acting career; down the toilet. Coolio was right again.
Interview show; Tina, put your muff away! Why wasn't she booed more! BOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Davina called her Princess Shrek. Hehe! She looked like a bulldog chewing a wasp watching those nominations. YOU DON'T LISTEN!
Tina Bingo:
1. I'm not being funny, but...
2. I'm a fat bird...
3. I'm the sort of person who...
4. Not arsed...
5. Coolio is a twat
6. Ulrika to win
We did a drinking game during this interview; 'fat bird' was a shot, and I had to swallow it. 'That's just the way I am...' was a lucky escape from 'I'm the sort of person who...'
Er, then my freeview fucked up. So I missed it if she said 'Ulrika to win.' But she did, didn't she? Cheers!

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: I'm Not Being Funny, but...

How fat must your fanny be to want to get it lipo-ed? TMI, Tina. Nice comedy timing falling off the chair too. She's really dreamy!
Tommy and Coolio are crappy not doing the task. I'd be annoyed if I was in there and they were being so fucking lazy.
That Michelle catching Verne thing seemed like a bit of a health and safety issue. I don't think would have happened on Mario's watch. Verne just wanted a bit of contact with Michelle.
'I'm not being funny right, but we're going to get 100,000 hits on the website.' FAIL! I saw her mouthing off about this on the live feed too, she was seriously gutted. As Nelson of The Simpsons would say, Ha-ha!
Ben smoking in that costume was a pure fire hazard! Mario, come back! Then he did a Liz McDonald behind the sofa. Subtle! I don't know if he really frightened Ulrika or if she was just humouring him.
Does La Toya do anything? She's the perfect example of flying under the radar. She looked happy when Ulrika fucked up her task though.
I liked that piano task, it was cool. I want to play giant piano! I like Mut-E-ya.
What did Tina go 'told you' for about the hits? I'm not being funny but but she said they were gonna get 100,000 hits because she's in Shameless on Channel 4. Shame no one watches it because it's a load of shit.
In Verne vs Ulrika, Ulrika was actually in the right. She DIDN'T say that about La Toya; I rewound it on my freeview. Ulrika is controlling but on that point she was in the right, I concur.
Tina, my dear: it's not CLICK, it's CLIQUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Argh, I hate you so much. Finally she got off her arse and gave Ulrika a hug; after about ten minutes.
Pretty poor tonight. Hey ho.

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: Weakasaurus (consider me a turtle)

I'm like a blog machine this week! You can tell I live alone, don't you? I DO have a life, honest! *eats chocolate orange in bed*
Michelle STOP CRYING. What's the opposite of sympathy? That's how I feel. She could get voted out if she doesn't put a sock in it and then we'll be stuck with Tina.
God, I hate Tommy. He's so pointless. He sucks up air time like a hoover, and gives us nothing back.
I liked the toy outfits. I've not seen ONE PERSON in jail yet! What a waste of time.
It was weird when those kids came in and sat on Verne's scooter; what a liberty! God, let me never have a baby if it makes me blub at the mere sight of any given child. (Oh yeah, and they are scary and stuff.)
Task quitters! Mutya is surly but she's hardly scary. 'I aint being nobody's clown' she said, with red painted cheeks. Terry threw himself wholeheartedly into his task. Even Tina fookin' tried, like.
Verne's crush on Michelle is sweet. No one's really clocked it either (in there).
Do you know what I hate? When they announced the noms and all those voted for went 'yes!'. That's not the spirit of BB! They are meant to want to stay IN! Urgh. I hate these celebrities.
I actually think Ukrika and Michelle hammed up how upset they were with what Coolio said. He just spouts shit; butI have seen worse from him. They did well to play it up. Haha even Coolio was shocked he didn't get nominated. Everyone was too scared to nominate him! Ha, I loved Coolio saying he was not talking anymore! Whilst talking a lot. He's come out with some great phrases tonight. If he used his brain; he could win this show. I think he's too much of a loose cannon, though.
The bit where Terry was ticking him off in the ashtray was hilarious! Coolio is a big baby. His sulky face was great. At least Michelle tried to talk to him.
I love Verne's Hollywood stories! I wish we could hear more. But Coolio yaps too much.
PS: On the live feed last night Coolio and Terry were in the bath together! It was cute! It was interesting when Coolio said his kids wanted to play with Verne because they thought he was a kid. It was kind of touching and interesting. Verne is always going on about computer games! He even said he skipped Christmas and played computer games instead of seeing his family the other day. That's lightupvirginmary levels of anti-socialness.(I have insomnia right now: I wonder if it's BB related?)

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: The First Noms (This is MY house)

Madonna looks like a bag of crisps?! That's one bag of crisps I wouldn't eat.
So, the first nominations. Ah, Ben of A3 fame hasn't thought of anyone to nominate. Make the following words into one 8-letter-word: shit bull. He didn't exactly hesitate when he got in the diary room, did he?
And so we find out what they are really thinking. Blaming Tina for him being quiet in the house is a bit rich; she didn't form his personality. And voting Mutya over Coolio! Bad boy.
Coolio voted Ulrika 'to take her superior arse home' and Michelle 'because she has a decent body.' Uh?! That's the weirdest nomination ever.
La Toya tried to give some lame reason for nominating Ulrika, but she quickly enough came out with 'she's bossy and has hatred in her face.' Harsh! That's not hatred, it's botox. Besides, I'd rather have hatred in my face than someone else's skin colour on my entire body.
Finally; nominations to agree with! Michelle voted Tina and Coolio. Notice how she said 'something on Ben's side from me.' She is coming off kind of passive-aggressive bunny-boiler-ish.
I like Mutya! Tommy is annoying; why didn't he get more nominations? OMG Mutya nominated Verne!!! Get ready to get blasted on BBLB. You don't fuck with the golden goose, you dwarfist!!! Heads will ROLL. PS. Why the fuck didn't she nominate Coolio?
Terry nominated Michelle for being touchy and then projected over Ulrika. I think Ulrika liked him very much on Day 1. Terry just saw green. He enjoyed those nominations, didn't he? I still want him to be my pick, but he has got a right narky side.
What's with Tina's hat? Is it fetish-wear? Nominating Michelle for being 'shallow' when she actually meant 'thin'. And that aint no lie! And Ben! Poor puppy. He is a boring bastard though. Although I thought his story about the date was fair. I hate gold-diggers.
Tommy nommed Ulrika aka EUREKA (if you're a dumbass). His nomination for her came off very controlling, brother. He also nominated Mutyargh. Why should she break into song for you, you dullard? And as for not cleaning! Put your apron on Mutty, make Tommy a sandwich, there's a good girl.
Er... why aren't more people nominating TINA??? And who's Gay Guevara T-shirt is that? The public needs to know!
Ulrika wreaked her revenge on Ben for being more popular than her in that previous vote, right. Her reasons for nominating him were a bit weird. I would definitely vote out La Toya if she was there. She gives me nightmares.
Verne nominated Ulrika-ka-ka for being controlling. OK, all the Americans hate her, so she must be doing something to rub people up the wrong way. I want to defend her but the evidence mounts up. Shame, really. THANK FUCK VERNE NOMINATED TINA! He could win the show just on that one nomination alone. I love you, Verne. Wanna make a porno?
I can't BELIEVE Coolio didn't get more votes. How bizarre! So; it's all girls up. It's gotta be Tina, RIGHT?
Ben said out of all the women La Toya was the sexiest? I think he should have gone to Specsavers.
Tina's glee at telling people their negatives!!! Imagine calling The Samaritans and getting her on the line. 'Just FOOKIN' kill yourself!'
OH GOD I'M SO BORED OF THE MICHELLE/ BEN/ COOLIO TRIANGLE OF DESPAIR! Ben, grow some balls and stick up for yourself and your 'friend'. Michelle was milking it, but for God's sake, that joke isn't funny anymore. She's not 'playing into his hands' by being pissed off, but I'm sick of the lot of 'em. Coolio is bullying Michelle because he fancies her. It's pathetic. I WOULD walk out if it was me, if she really wants to prove her feelings. But the lure of fame is too much. And Cuntio said as much. Still, the blaming the victim thing is wrong. And why should she leave, really?
Ah, Michelle was doing that crying you do when you're 6 with little gasps in between. Talk of 'MY BOYFRIEND' reminds me of Rex and 'MY GIRLFRIEND'. And we know how happy they were, right? So my solution is let's ship Michelle Heaton's boyfriend in and let's see what REAL love is.
Ben is such a wet rag of a man. His 'I think you need to apologise' line was pathetic. He's the kind of boyfriend you dread getting beaten up on a night out because you suspect he'd cry his eyes out and call up his mummy. (this sounds sexist; but you know it's true, so I may as well say it)
La Toya's genius theory that 'we expect that behaviour out of Coolio, so let's overlook it.' was just perfect. Yeah; I expect a bit of kiddy-fiddling out of Gary Glitter, so I've decided just to overlook it and let him babysit. Lawks!

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: I just can't get enough electric shocks...

...as Patrick Wolf once sang. And he goes on; 'I want to buy a lighthouse and ride a giraffe on the rocks.' And why not? But I digress.
What the fuck does 'high-handed' mean anyway!? It's a weird old expression. No one is coming out of this situation very well. I was interested to hear La Toya's views on Ulrika, as she has no prior knowledge of her, and can only be going on what she sees.
I LOVED the camera panning to Verne when they mentioned porn. I haven't had the pleasure of seeing his porno yet, but believe me, I've looked (I'm depraved.) I DID find the 'incident' Coolio mentioned, which was funny as hell, I think I need to download some of that Surreal Life show. Big Brother UK must seem exceedingly vanilla by comparison.
Tina was mouthing off about nothing as usual. Yap, yap, yap. Put the doggy down, it's gone rabid! At least they are starting to see through her now.
Oh my god, I have never heard so much whining about people wanting to leave! We get it, you're in it for the MONEY! How about providing some laughs whilst you're at it, you grasping shrews?
Ooh, La Toya; stirring it up, with her talk of romance and eye-talk! That hat was nutty. Tina just agreeing with everything she said was DULL! If Tina cared about Michelle she would have shut down that conversation straight away. Naughty.
Did they give Verne an entire roast chicken? It looked like it! The yanks had ever heard of Richard Blackwood?! Well I never. Haha they had still forgotten Barrymore. Alwight?! Tommy seemed to be rather ENJOYING his electric shocks, didn't he? Gross.
I like it when Verne gets a bit pissy with Coolio. It's amusing.
Aw, see Tina hiding her belly behind a cushion! Shame. It was a good task, but it's recycled. Time for some new ideas.
Coolio! Sexual harrassment! Mutya; unhealthy attitudes towards women, relationships and men. No male friends? Tragic.
Oh my God, then Tina broke her confidence to La Toya! The woman has NO integrity whatsoever. Ulrika had the public mood UTTERLY wrong about Tina. She was quite right about Ben though; he gives nothing away. Except in the diary room, where he said he didn't fancy Michelle. Ouch!
I love it when Yanks say 'shag'.
Oh yeah, and read Charlie B's BB bloggy cos it's better than mine (obv).

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: Ho-magnet

What is the difference between ho's, bitches and women? Tommy said there's no difference! Haha. He was trying to get on his high horse today, but it wasn't quite working out for him. yelling 'Pish' at Coolio wasn't exactly reasoned debate.
How come Coolio is allowed in the house when he has a criminal record? So us plebs would be banned for that, but he's OK, because he's famous. Coolio calling women 'ho's' and 'loose women' for wearing mini-skirts is deplorable; but I'm not in the least bit surprised that Coolio doesn't get called up on it, sexism is considered perfectly acceptable in all walks of society, and if a woman even tries to defend it; well, it was nice knowing you.
Mutya let herself down by colluding with him. But again, it's very common for women to have those sorts of self-hating views. All too common, in fact. At least she had the nous to realise men don't get called those sorts of names.
Tina complaining that no one stands up to Coolio (whilst not standing up to Coolio) was tragic. I can't believe he brought up the Michelle and Ben thing again. It's just painful. Poor Ben hasn't got the gonads to fight back and Michelle seems uncharacteristically quiet. Verne was kind to her. I think he has a soft spot for her.
I thought Mutya looked cute again in her lycra; what's wrong with me?! And she had stubbly armpits too; nice. Actuually Michelle looked alright too and seemed like a good dancer; why am I saying these things?! I loved the camera panning up and down everyone's body; Verne looked good in pastels. Coolio looked like a children's TV presenter. Tina; not so much. Ben looked about as gay as anyone I've ever seen.
Coolio's takes of smuggling weed through customs didn't go down very well, did it? Terry is OBSESSED with Ulrika's fee!!! He's like Luke from last year banging on about the cheque. I feel sorry for Ulrika a bit. I think she's just naturally a bit cold and Terry has a bee in his bonnet (I wrote this before Ulrika even said it!) about her, it's almost like some inverted snobbery. I wish he'd stop because he's my fave and it's making him look a bit bad.
Tommy was a bit nosy with Verne about his dwawfism, but let's face it we all want to know. Does he have a shortened life expectancy, I wonder?
Nominations talk; on Tina's father's grave she did not mention a single name. Except... she did mention Ulrika's, didn't she? Ho hum.

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: Butt plugs with horse-tails

I watched a good chunk of the live feed last night and I thought it was fascinating seeing how up on his history Terry Christian was. He held court really comfortably. I was envious of how knowledgable he appeared; I'd kill to know that much about any given subject. I think intelligence is so attractive in people, It excites me if someone uses an impressively long word in the right context. I saw a different side to Coolio; he's rough around the edges but he wants to learn about the world, and that's no bad thing. No doubt he will be portrayed in the same dogged light in the highlights though. And he does himself no favours, let's be honest.
Good to see Mutya lose it a bit tonight; sulking and demanding her 'oinkment'. She's been too quiet so far.
Surprise surprise Tina 'can I just say something' Malone was taking over the shopping list, basically snatching the peanut butter out of Verne's little hands. What's with the hot water obsession, too? Just boil a fucking kettle, you old bag. Her muttering under her breath at Coolio is utterly pathetic; say it to his FACE! You don't DARE. You are all bluff and bluster and NO FUCKING BALLS. Nice try with the false lashes; you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig, right, Obama?
I was shocked when scunt-wearer extraordinaire Ben Adams mentioned butt plugs with horse-tails on. Is he gonna whip out his gimp mask later and give Heaton a glood flogging? (Urgh! Apologies for that image)
Was Ulrika pretending to cry? I couldn't work that out. It was a bit selfish to steal the limelight like that as Lucy got the heave-ho and moaning cos she didn't get kicked out; people spent money kicking Lucy out to save you. I can't stand people harping on about wanting to leave; it's so boring. Stop making it hard for me to defend you, woman! I thought Coolio dealt with her quite nicely.
No sign of the late night chat in the highlights; it doesn't give me much hope of having well-rounded housemates in there in the summer. Obviously arguments about the shopping list are WAY more exciting than Terry Christian's views on slavery and Coolio's plans to make Terry a star in the US and get him a doctorate from Princeton (just on the basis he's watching a lot of the History channel). Boo.

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: What a twat

A word on yesterdays show; Is Compton posh? Hehe. I thought Endless Love was very funny, it made me cry with laughter but I think they will hammer it too much now. I was also impressed with the way Lucy stood up to Cuntio who is looking increasingly erratic. I wouldn't last five seconds in there with him. If he tried to 'test my limits' I'd nut the idiot. 'What a twat' is right.
Tonights show; it goes without saying, but Davina is more insufferable than ever. I used to be able to just about bear her, but she seems more inane and condesending as the years go on, clinging to the wreck of the limping show harder than Coolio clinging to Gangsta's Paradise and his patchy, balding cornrows.
Tonight Tina used those immortal words 'I'm not being funny, but...' Still waiting for her to say; 'I'm the kind of person who...', 'fookin' fat bird' and 'I've got a great arse/ fanny/ brain the size of Jupiter.' For such a mouthy 'bird' she sure keeps her trap shut when Coolio starts his wind-up machine. Annoying everyone into leaving is an interesting strategy, and one I've not seen before. I think Coolio is modelling himself on Science circa BB 2004/5? Luckily they aren't arguing so much about food... yet. But I'm sure it'll happen, I can't see La Toya living happily on a quid a day.
Why is Coolio allowed to sexually harrass people in there? That is totally out of order. You think Big Brother would be onto that kind of stuff this year, but clearly harrassment of women isn't a priority for them. I bet you a million pounds right now that he gets booted out of there for something; either punching someone or touching someone the wrong way. Remember I told you!
La Toya needs some practise on the gossiping front. Hiding your mouth like that has the effect of making you look guilty as hell. PS. Friends can be nice.
So Lucy got the boot. She said 'Thank god and she was so happy'.' Yeah I bet. Ulrika seemed to stop crying when it was announced that she was safe. Come on Ulrika, earn your cash.
The interview: Davina was behaving like a dirty old man, berating Lucy for not getting her tits out; it's not like an obligation. Why should she? And then saying 'you basically got chucked out for that.' Nice. Girl power!
I was sickened by Davina saying 'he doesn't really mean it' when Coolio said he was going to elbow Lucy in the face. The point is, he shouldn't be allowed to SAY THAT. You shouldn't be allowed to threaten people or make comments about beating women. Don't make excuses for him.
Davina: 'I want to take Verne home and put him in my pocket.' He's a FORTY YEAR OLD MAN, you patronising prat. Think before you speak, for god's sake. She really should put her brain into gear before she opens her gob.
Will someone take on Cuntio now Lucy's gone? Tina, stand up and show us what you're made of.