Ultimate Big Brother: Prankster's paradise

Hmm, wouldn't you love to start the day by being perved over by Coolio? So glad he left the house today. Vile man.
URGH and john perving too! Gross. So glad they've both gone, disgusting excuses for men.
I see Makosi is referring to herself in the third person. Brilliant.
I like watching Nikki and Brian together. Those were more innocent times!
Something tells me it doesn't take much to bruise Makosi's ego. Shut up about the VT. A single bed cannot contain that ego. GIVE MAKOSI HER PHONE, you selfish arseholes. And a new wardrobe.
John's silent schtick is BORING. Chantelle has got poor taste in men.
Preston doesn't know how to spell his own name! Even Chantelle can spell it.
Nadia laughing at Nikki's strop. I think I'd laugh, too.
Too many egos in that house. Ulrika is starting to look normal.
Preston took her engagement ring back! He'd have to have sawed that bugger off my hand. He's got a fucking cheek.
Brian shouldn't put ideas in Chantelle's head like that. It's cruel.
I can't believe I forgot to comment on John's last last night. Nice of him and Coolio to coordinate outfits. Bristols, I'm coming to get you. Heh.
SO glad I don't have to listen to Coolio's bullshit anymore! He didn't deserve to be in there. He's a useless person,and a rubbish character. I'm betting he said something transphobic to Nadia.
Chantelle's dress sense is really weird now. She looks like a middle-aged housewife in Greece tonight.
Bye John. What a strange man he is. Bad childhood, I guess.
I like seeing Nadia getting riled, but Coolio is abhorrent.
Ahhhh SO good to have Victor back. He was really good on the live feed last night. He was saying he's still friends with Jason! Bananas.
I like the decor in the bedsit.
I don't mind Michelle either, she seems a lot better than she used to be.
Victor is a much better villain than Coolio because he's funny and likeable.
Is Ulrika crying over Mr Snuggles? Get a grip, love. Got something you want to tell us?

Ultimate Big Brother: Guess who's back?

BETTER NEVER THAN LATE! It's 2.42am. I won't do a tired cry. VICTOR IS GOING IN! Whoop! And Michelle Bass. No naked Jacuzziness.
NB. You could park a bike between Chanelle's boobs. I don't like John's pink baseball cap.
JOHN'S ON STRIKE. It's diet coke-gate again. Can you imagine living with this cunt?
So glad Josie left. Nothing is worth that mental stress.
NOMS. Weird to have nominations and evictions on the same night. PAUL MCKENNA GATE. What is Makosi wearing? Paul McKenna has cost her dear.
Why has Brian got that anorak on?
See Ulrika smirking when Josie bolted! GO JOSIE. I hope you enjoys those pincers.
Darren! Was he that camp in series 1? I feel like he was. They should have brought Craig in for this 'plotting a dirty plan' stuff.
2nd show. Sorry my blog is lacklustre. I'm drunk but on the way down.
Josie smelt crab in the garden!
Seems WAY too early for an eviction. Shame John went. He's better than Coolio although not by much. Get Coolio out next.
Oh well, at least he shook Makosi's faith in God. That's something at least.
Wow, 50.6% of the vote! That's close.
Yeah, bye John, whatevs.
Victor! The slick man. I remember him for making girls cry and weilding a knife! Oh and for having the sniffles after his cold showers. Isn't he an investment banker now? Glad to see Victor in there. Is he only 29? He seems like a relic. But he looks the same!
BASS. Bring Stu in for a task. I liked Stu. Not right the way they kicked him out the diary room door. He didn't deserve that. I DON'T FORGET.
Where's her Geordie accent gone? No love lost between her and Victor, I see.
Reviving the bedsit is a good idea. Victor is doing the doof doofs! Is the smoke alarm going off? It looks like Dot Cotton's house.
I like the 'other' diary room. Nikki would be the funniest to play a trick on. OMG Nikki is going to FREAK.
Nikki: 'it's Rex!' Yeah, all gingers are Rex. Where is Rex?!
Victor FTW. Recognise.

Ultimate Big Brother: The triumph of the heart

So Josie hit the road. And who can blame her? I honestly think it's mental torture to get someone out for 15 minutes and then shove them back in again with no one they know. And then calling it a PRIZE? Start the show on Friday when she'd got her head together. But no. They have to do it all in five minutes and fuck it up as usual. I would have run screaming for the hills immediately. The winner shouldn't have to walk. It's not right. I'd take crab eyes over it a million times over. I hope she enjoys her night with him, or month with him or whatever she gets. She's not stupid; she knows it's not forever. For all the people saying she's let the nation down, she hasn't. It's all Big Brother's fault. She's done herself a big favour. I am hoping to see her and crabby on the front of a magazine soon. She deserves her press, her BBLB and her BBBM. I saw her on BBLB today and you could tell George had a soft spot for her. Weirdly I am starting to like George Lamb in the past few days. How did THAT happen? He seems like he actually watches the show these days, which helps.
The one good thing about Josie going is we don't have to hear endless picking over BB11 all the time now, which was dull enough the first time round. NO MORE CRAB EYES! It feels like starting afresh.
Nadia is being a cunt! Does she not get how fragile Josie must be feeling? Nadia is either needlessly cruel or a fucking idiot. And the 'or' is generous.
NICK. Please say 'if you live by the sword, you die by the sword'. SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT!
Imagine if you were Preston's girlfriend listening to them two reminiscing about who used to cook- fucking hell! I'd slit my wrists now and save myself the agony.
Coolio makes me feel PHYSICALLY SICK. He's got bunches today. Novel way to cover up a bald patch, though. Ooh, Makosi just called it.
How long before Makosi brings out her real personality? She's got the prison jumpsuit on, anyway.
Nikki has got OCD and then some.
Preston's girlfriend's out of the country! Convenient. God he was 23 when he got divorced! Shocking. Brian is giving him a good grilling.
Ulrika: 'the end of any marriage is sad.' You should know. Nosy fuckers aint they.
OMG what's up Nadia's arse? She is being a complete arsehole.
John is giving the speech NO ONE DARED GIVE TO DAVE! Hallelujah! That was amazing. Wouldn't it be brilliant if John McCrazy won it! Makosi looks livid! She had no comeback.
Ah, here comes Makosi! 'I'm so bored'. LOL. Her whole religious upbringing destroyed in a single speech. You're not in UBB because of the jacuzzi, you're in it because you're a PSYCHO.
Oh Kat. Please drop fucking dead. OMG GRACE. Please drop dead too. Please.
John. Please put your shirt on. Lisa. Please drop dead.
What happened to the glittering TV career Coolio was going to set up for Terry Christian in LA?
EW to John getting a quick screw on the side. Gross.
So nasty when they all rounded on Josie about John James. I hope John failed his task for that. I wish someone would stick up for her.
Oh God, then he made Chantelle cry! Fucking hell. John: 'I'll apologise if I have to'. Kind!
Mind you, didn't Chantelle bring it up in the first place? Also, what is she wearing? She looks like Michelle Obama. I miss her New Look look.
Why on earth did Chantelle sign herself up for this? It's like signing up to get kicked in the face!
Yeah John was so nice to people he made two girls cry!
Oh god, Coolio talks transgender issues. Brace yourself.
Nasty Nick counselling Josie by calling John James 'a small scar'. I could see Ulrika and Nasty Nick having it off.
WTF is John's problem? He's too much, he really is.
Oh God, poor Chantelle. Run, follow Josie out the door. This path can only lead to pain. That diary room entry was heartbreaking.
Oh God, now tears from Josie! This is the saddest BB ever. Josie put her finger on it when she said 'they all know more about me and John James than I do.' That's the killer isn't it? I'd go mad if people came in there telling me what to feel.
WTF is that hammock about? Who brought that fucker in?
At the end of this show, I wanted it to be longer. I haven't felt like that FOR THE WHOLE OF BB11! UBB FTW.

Ultimate Big Brother: The fire still burns!

Just piled through a bit of evil feed and this is what happened last night. Preston said he didn't like the shiny bed covers. Nikki banged her head. Ulrika told Josie her life story. John McDisgusting drank 2 cans of diet coke and ate some cheese at about 3.30am. No wonder he can't sleep! The at 4am Nadia got up and ate what looked like a pastry. Oh, no I think it was toast.
What must Preston and Chantelle's parents think seeing them together again? They must have all been through the mill a bit; divorce isn't easy even if the marriage lasted five minutes. If I was Preston's girlfriend I'd be worried. There's definitely something between them, I'm just not sure what. Intriguing!
Nadia: what the fuck is she wearing? About Makosi. Heh.
Uncoolio (or fast forward the live feed). John M giving Nikki a warning! LOL. Don't stand next to Nikki, Josie. I wouldn't. Even Chantelle looks like a giant by comparison.
I'm disappointed Big Brother isn't referring to Nick as 'Nasty Nick' over the tannoy.
Ooh Crab Eyes hate is starting! Nadia is being too harsh, give Josie a break. She doesn't need to hear that right now. That was needlessly blunt.
Ulrika mentioning Chris Rea. Is that the most modern artist she could think of?
Josie is smoking real fags at last! Did she get 'em out of her hundred K?
Nikki's face is a joy to watch, it's entertainment in itself!
Josie's head must be SPINNING! Can you imagine how overwhelming it is to be in that situation?
Nikki and John talk politics! It's like Question Time. I like Nikki's hair. She's just a one off.
Coolio is a sex pest. I hope he gets thrown out.
John McDietCoke is so revolting, but he is funny sometimes, which is annoying as he's so vile. Him in his pants is enough to make my vagina curl up and cover it's eyes.
Tree! I saw John on live feed being nice to Preston and I thought it was odd. Now I know why!
Chantelle is a sad figure with her 'all men cheat' mantra. It's not men, it's the way you've set your personality up to feel worthless, I'm afraid. You could have had it all before the boob job and the Jordan-over. Coolio is putting the moves on her! Why is she even sitting in there with him (in the owl's house)?
Nasty Nick better be plotting a devious plan to shake this shit up!
Chantelle: 'remember when you threw my book in the bath?' What sort of tyranny was she living under with Preston?! The animal!!!
Chantelle: 'is a misogynist the same as a feminist?' Not so much. Chantelle: 'he's got a girlfriend'. He had a girlfriend last time!!! Sounds like she's still interested to me. PS: It's not still your wedding anniversary once you've split up!
Josie has been on good form in tonight's show. I think she's been funny. It is a prison sentence for her!
Is Coolio having his own 'pow pow pow' moment?
LOL to John wearing a nappy. He's not going toilet, he's going to stuff his face and guzzle Diet Coke. Josie's claws are out!
There was a buzz about the show tonight. Looking forward to seeing Makosi's crisis of confidence tomorrow!