Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Big Brother 11: The Final/ Ultimate Big Brother

So I'm watching the start of this alone because my boyfriend is working and is not the slightest bit interested in watching JJ and Andrew get interviewed. I'm more of a purist, but will have to pause for him after an hour.
So who else thinks it's a mistake that they are doing the final and starting UBB on the same night? I mean, obviously the whole fucking show is mistake after mistake, but this seems a particularly duff one, especially considering Josie is going to be Prom Queen. I mean, she's barely going to get to see her mum, let alone 'smooth John James over'. I also think this show should be split into two shows, to make the distinction more apparent.
As for the UBB line up, I've heard it's shit. Saw Brian Belo on Studio 5 saying he's not going in but I think it's flim flam as he's been protesting too much. I mean he'd do it, and people love him. It makes no sense. Plus he said something about celebs being in 'hiding'- I don't think they've bothered with that shit for time.
What I'm hoping is, all the stuff about Ashleeeeeen etc not going in is bullshit to throw us off the scent. That's what I'm HOPING. (My only mistake is I'm hoping...) as Morrissey once said.
Weird they're not stringing out the voting lines either. They've really shit on this show this year. Normally you can change the result by voting late, ie. if you vote on the final two.
Boring just waiting for Josie to win. I've just voted for Mario. Do we have to hear about Dave and his boring daughter again?
WTF Dave has been dating his daughter? Oh God, I've heard it all now. 'I am not a watermelon'. Well done, she's going to get bullied at school even more than she was already.
Why DID John James come into the house with a photo of himself?
Josie negotiating a watermelon! LOL.
I used to like the old BB finals when there was about three of them in there knocking round like ghouls.
Andrew's face about Josie's speech. Oh, bless him.
Oh God, Don't Stop Believing! I was hearing that in bed last night, praying for deafness.
LOL to JJ's dancing! What a prick! I love the way Josie doesn't give a shit. She really embraces life and is so kind to everyone.
The did heart hands! My friend makes people do those.
Ex housemates! OMG Ben looks so cool in that red coat. Ben FTW. Oh. The less said about Ife's singing career the better. Shabby and Keever looked like a couple. Keever's hair looked good red.
Love the fact Ben and Sam were the only housemates who came out on his own.
Ugh Nathan. Like Rachael's red lipstick.
I like the fact John James picked up that girl's bra she threw at him!
Aw Dermot. We didn't know how good we had it. And even then it was shit.
OK, here we go, 5th place. Is that Dave's best shirt? Aw Andrew. It should have been JJ. I like Andrew's cardie. He looks so happy! You can't wipe that smile off his face.
Andrew's best bits were good. I like Andrew. He's just dull. The watermelon was the lols though. Did you have sexual relations with that watermelon?
Giant John James looming over Andrew whilst he talks. Scary. Andrew: 'I'm 100% geek.'
4th. It's gotta be JJ right? Ah it is. Good.
OMG JJ going out with sunglasses on. What a prize cunt. Behold his tartan waistcoat. What a ginormous cock. He looks like he's ram-raided Topman.
JJ: 'there's so many things that I did'. No, you did fuck all. You're no dark horse. You're a fucking DONKEY.
He's so boring looking he turns my stomach, it's like someone's painted a face on a rotting egg.
Get your tongue out of John James's rectum, you turkey. The public hate him, and they can barely be bothered to raise their eyes to the screen for your insipid bullshit.
When Corin was saying he was 'fit' I think she met 'thick'.
And now I'm going to pause it and wait for my boyfriend so bye Digital Spy and Twitter. I guess whos' second and who's third is the only shock really, so I'm going to wait and share it!
OK I'm back! OMG how did Dave beat Mario. OMG Mario's COAT. What is he thinking? It looks like he's had a horticultural mishap. I've never seen Mario look more gay. if his family didn't get the message by now, here's the living sign.
Dave getting to the final two reminds me of when that orange wanker Jungle Cat Jason was in the final two. Just wrong, wrong, wrong. I will never understand either decision as long as I live.
Mario's teeth look ENORMOUS tonight, like he's battling with Davina. Mario wins.
Mario seems nervous! The mole done good. He definitely slumped badly for 80% of the show though.
Mario's clips: yes, you're a creep. Davina did not ask him ONE QUESTION about being the mole. Jesus that was Mario's one storyline. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!
Oh god, the thought of Dave coming out going on about the glory and being smug is just horrific.
I like the big screen behind them, it's good to see the reactions.
Whatan anti-climactic ending. Josie didn't look very shocked to win. I love seeing the shocked faces the best. Except Dave's shocked face. She seemed completely non-plussed! Shocking.
ARGH I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR HIM TO GET BOOED FOR TWO MONTHS. This is cruel. Why are they cheering him? It's like a knife through my heart.
I want to see Josie in the house on her own on the big screen now. I like that moment. Deprived again!
I'm surprised Dave aint wearing his green t-shirt on, he's got his finest TK Maxx on instead.
Well done loonies, you have given us a homphobic, sexist, werewolf-loving, dinosaur-denying fat Welsh bible-bashing TWAT for a runner up. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
Look at Dave before and after! Before: a cunt! After: a cunt!
The reason Josie got 77% of the vote is because YOU CLOSED THE PHONE LINES after ten minutes.
Josie needs a stylist, quick! Spend that 100K on new dresses! Why is she snuffling up those steps. I like the fact she came out holding a paper bag! Class.
Ah, look how HAPPY John James looks! I think I saw a tear in that crab eye! NOT! HE LOOKED MISERABLE AS SIN! Keever had a face like thunder, too.
Aw Josie's gonna pay for Steve's leg! Lush.
First in, last out. I've seen it so many times. Good on her, you know. I like her. I just feel non-plussed by the whole charade.
Ah, show wrap-up. Sob. NEXT!
Ok let's see who they've got lined up for us. Josie's first back in! That wasn't much of a break. She probably wants to go out and have a party. Did she even get to see her mum! Fuck me. She's straight into the booze.
Ok, who's in? Oh god, Chantelle. I miss her blonde hair and green eyeshadow and orange lipstick. She looks really weird now, like a dowdy old housewife with her bun and gigantic boobs. I hope I can grow to like her again. Ooh, she looks blonder. I think she'll get on with Josie.
Preston! Are they going to get back together? Twice in a lifetime opportunity! Does Preston need this? Is he going to start telling her what to wear again? He's got MOZ HAIR complete with receeding hairline. Where's Galloway?
Preston to Chantelle: 'do you come here often?' Chantelle: 'you look so much shorter'. How weird to go somewhere where you met and fell in love with your ex wife! Chantelle looked freaked out.
I could live without Nadia to be honest. She was only good because of her secret; she doesn't have a secret now. Nadia's dress isn't very flattering! She looks fat, bless her.
Nadia; 'welcome to the family.' That was nice. This is making me feel sick with nerves!
Brain Dowling! He's also fat. But I like him. Not sure he's got the Jim Davidson vote. LOL Nasty Nick said he looked like Eammon Holmes! Good insult.
OMG! ULRIKA! It's like Dave already again! Can't we get rid of that money grabbing bitch? She offered NOTHING to that show. How she won was completely beyond me. I used to like her before she was in Big Brother. This is the first bad person in there. Her hair looks nice though.
Oh god, and from the shit to the offensive. I can't fucking STAND MAKOSI. I don't ever want to see that person again. EVER! PS: revolting dress. I foresee fights with Preston.
John McCruick helpfully just spelt out his name for me. I can't stand him either, obviously. DIET COKE. Don't collude with that Booby business, Davina. Honestly, I feel sick. What trousers has he got on?
Can we have someone good again now? Please? COOLIO! Are you kidding me? HE WAS USELESS.
Where the fuck is Ashleeeeen, Rex, Victor, Brian Belo, Samanda, Marcus, Freddie, Pete.. I could go on. At least
Nikki! Thank fuck. At least she's a real housemate. I like Nikki, she's funny. Her sister came to my writing group once and spoke just like her, and I peeked at the register and it was N. Grahame. LOL.
God, look how small she is, she's like a doll. Bring on the strops.
Nasty nick! How many times have you seen that Nasty Nick clip? I think I've seen it 45875485749387 times. What is Nasty Nick wearing? I hope everyone addresses him as Nasty Nick in the house. Me and my friend Nic used to have a Nasty Nick SHRINE! Oh those were the days. Was that 11 years ago? Yikes.
My boyfriend is saying the line up could have been worse, but how? I'd have rather seen Michelle Bass than Coolio and you can bet your life she'd have been cheaper.
They never have known what the public want. Shame.
PS. Just flicked onto BBBM. At least they didn't put Dane Bowers in.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

When Dave came 2nd I thought of BB5's Jason too!

I'm shocked you hate Makosi, what's that all about??