Big Brother is, of course, the doyenne of reality shows. It makes X Factor look like Ooglies. No, not Ooglies, Ooglies is good. Milkshake!
Look at all the mod cons in that house! Giant gym! The living room looks a bit small though, or it's a bad camera angle, I'm not sure.
Jedward using washing up liquid as bubble bath... that would NOT be good for my nether regions. I'd need a bath in Canesten after that.
Five are going a bit heavy on the flashbacks. If people missed it, I say fuck 'em.
Jedward in the bath shouldn't be show either pre or post watershed. It's like some art project.
Amy is going to take Jedward to Sugar Hut! Jodie Marsh will be thrilled. I don't want her to make them into Essex boys. They are fine as they are.
Why are Jedward so dressed up around the house? Don't they just slob around in tracksuit bottoms ever? My boyfriend just said 'aren't they over the luggage allowance?' like they're at Heathrow. I think Jedward have got OCD. Amongst other things.
Paddy doesn't believe in housework! Him and Sally should have their own sitcom. She's so easy to wind up it's unreal. Check out the gnashers on Paddy. He makes Brandon Flower's dentistry look restrained. I like his sunglasses, too.
Lucien Laviscount fancies Amy which is why he's being a little dickhead to her. Mr Paparazzi looks like a fat person with a six pack. That's weird. The word 'banter' really does my fucking nut in. And it makes me think of that horrible Kris thing from Big Brother's past (aka the mightly douche).
Being in a boyband is a good excuse for not having a girlfriend, isn't it? I think they're citing the Cliff Richard defence. Jedward look like they should live in Whoville. They don't need sex. They are above all that shit.
Pamela Hasslehoff looks like Michelle Collins gone wrong, doesn't she? But she can probably do a better Northern accent.
I hope Bobby goes. Sally is a good character. My boyfriend is obsessed with the DR chair looking like the Tennants logo.
Weirdest birthday ever. Did you order Jedward on helium? I feel like I'm on drugs watching this bit. If I actually was on drugs watching it, I think I'd be halfway down the rabbit hole by now.
Jedward; 'we're all breathing the exact same air.' Deep.
Darryn and Paddy are DISCUSSING NOMINATIONS. That Darryn is drunk. Mind you, it is his birthday.
Tara Reid is like some shrivelled up old husk stroking her own nipples. She should be on Celebrity rehab, not this show. She looks like she needs a nice tall glass or water and a big tub of moisturiser.
Get Bobby out. Floaters must die!
Saturday, 20 August 2011
X Factor - Replacement judge roulette
It seems weird to have X Factor and Big Brother on at the same time, like reality worlds are colliding. It's like having Easter eggs at Christmas.
'I want to be as big as Adele'- just keep eating, it's not that hard. Oh Dermot, does it stick in your craw, still trading insults with Louis whilst Steve Jones butters up Paula Abdul.
Judge roll call: Kelly Rowland. The most boring girl band member of all time. Tulisa- well at least NDubz have a few catchy tunes. I don't like her being forced to say she's 'gobby'. No man ever gets described as gobby, so I just see labelling women as gobby as telling them to STFU.
Gary Barlow looks skinny. I always fancied him the most out of Take That. I'm not sure about him as a judge though, I think it's just his accent that makes me feel deeply depressed.
The first contestant wants to be famous to sleep with girls. Well, at least he's honest. Bum tats! He's got some guts. He can't sing though, his voice is reedy. Predictably, they're all loving it.
I can imagine Simon taking a shine to this obnoxious yellow haired girl. She's a bit shrieky for my liking though. Oh, and she's an arsehole. Tara Palmer Cuntkinson.
Wow, some 30 year old's are really ageing badly. I don't really like this panel, but I like the lack of Cheryl being Simon's favourite girl, and Dannii getting sidelined. This panel seem to genuinely like each other.
Woah look at that turtle neck Dermot's wearing. Did he nick that out of Deirdre Barlow's closet? And those chinos? He's dressed like he's going to Christian camp.
The sickly Goldie singing copper bell and grabbing her boobs is quite good. She's 50? Fuck me. I was certain she was going to puke up on stage, but alas, no.
Stage school brat doing Your Song. Sorry, I forgot to care. Just like in Dragon's Den they spend too long on each section and it gets boring.
I like this chav who's come to clear his name. I think he's going to need the attitude adjuster again after as he's dire! I think the friends and family are going to shank Dermot.
I kind of like Kelly Rowland's look but not her stick-on fringe. Tulisa has enormous eyes. She's like a ghetto Disney princess. I liked the way she dealt with that guy. And Kelly standing it up and giving it all that too. Riot grrls!
No dogs allowed! LOL to Dermot being the tell off man. 'Watch your mouth- don't call girls that.' I'm glad we've got the four foot eleven Dermot taking charge of things. I think my money would be on Tulisa over him in a fight.
PS: Louis. I think your top up of botox is overdue.
'I want to be as big as Adele'- just keep eating, it's not that hard. Oh Dermot, does it stick in your craw, still trading insults with Louis whilst Steve Jones butters up Paula Abdul.
Judge roll call: Kelly Rowland. The most boring girl band member of all time. Tulisa- well at least NDubz have a few catchy tunes. I don't like her being forced to say she's 'gobby'. No man ever gets described as gobby, so I just see labelling women as gobby as telling them to STFU.
Gary Barlow looks skinny. I always fancied him the most out of Take That. I'm not sure about him as a judge though, I think it's just his accent that makes me feel deeply depressed.
The first contestant wants to be famous to sleep with girls. Well, at least he's honest. Bum tats! He's got some guts. He can't sing though, his voice is reedy. Predictably, they're all loving it.
I can imagine Simon taking a shine to this obnoxious yellow haired girl. She's a bit shrieky for my liking though. Oh, and she's an arsehole. Tara Palmer Cuntkinson.
Wow, some 30 year old's are really ageing badly. I don't really like this panel, but I like the lack of Cheryl being Simon's favourite girl, and Dannii getting sidelined. This panel seem to genuinely like each other.
Woah look at that turtle neck Dermot's wearing. Did he nick that out of Deirdre Barlow's closet? And those chinos? He's dressed like he's going to Christian camp.
The sickly Goldie singing copper bell and grabbing her boobs is quite good. She's 50? Fuck me. I was certain she was going to puke up on stage, but alas, no.
Stage school brat doing Your Song. Sorry, I forgot to care. Just like in Dragon's Den they spend too long on each section and it gets boring.
I like this chav who's come to clear his name. I think he's going to need the attitude adjuster again after as he's dire! I think the friends and family are going to shank Dermot.
I kind of like Kelly Rowland's look but not her stick-on fringe. Tulisa has enormous eyes. She's like a ghetto Disney princess. I liked the way she dealt with that guy. And Kelly standing it up and giving it all that too. Riot grrls!
No dogs allowed! LOL to Dermot being the tell off man. 'Watch your mouth- don't call girls that.' I'm glad we've got the four foot eleven Dermot taking charge of things. I think my money would be on Tulisa over him in a fight.
PS: Louis. I think your top up of botox is overdue.
Friday, 19 August 2011
Five: The Bachelor
What a night for Channel 5. I mean who wouldn't want to snog Gavin Henson's giant orange face that looks like it's been painted on the front of a shovel? Surely it's every woman's dream.
As it happens, the women didn't even know it was Gavin they were signing up to... gold dig. Let's hope they like orange shovels. Welsh ones.
I wonder if Charlotte Church is watching this, crying. Oh no, she's too busy fucking her new boyfriend behind a bush and getting caught with her knickers round her ankles. At least she looks like she has a laugh, though. This prick looks like his favourite hobby is masturbating into a mirror.
It comes as scant surprise that Henson has a personality vacuum. He must be desperate to be doing this show. How much are they paying him? Surely he doesn't need the money. The voice of an angel must have given him a few quid to send him on his way. I'm sure he doesn't have any trouble getting women interested in him, I mean women will put up with a lot for money. What is in it for him to do this show?!
WTF he has 25 women to choose from? This is worse than Take Me Out. You and me... equality!
Imagine being the last out of the cab as he's stood there meeting 24 girls before you. I'd just be like 'you must be bored shitless!'
LOL at that girl making him give her a twirl. Smooth.
You haven't been scouring the country for a man for 23 years, Laura. Unless you came out of the womb checking out the doctor. If so, gross.
What is with this girl telling him to carry her up the stairs? What a weirdo! He should have told her to fuck off.
The middle section was pretty much just your standard Joe Millionaire fayre. Except Joe Millionaire (the original USA one) was a hottie.
OMG I can't believe he picked that Laura at the end. She was utterly odious to the core. I think the producers told him to pick that cuntrag. You can't keep a personality like that at bay with a cheeky Vimto.
Next week. More sexism. Enjoy.
As it happens, the women didn't even know it was Gavin they were signing up to... gold dig. Let's hope they like orange shovels. Welsh ones.
I wonder if Charlotte Church is watching this, crying. Oh no, she's too busy fucking her new boyfriend behind a bush and getting caught with her knickers round her ankles. At least she looks like she has a laugh, though. This prick looks like his favourite hobby is masturbating into a mirror.
It comes as scant surprise that Henson has a personality vacuum. He must be desperate to be doing this show. How much are they paying him? Surely he doesn't need the money. The voice of an angel must have given him a few quid to send him on his way. I'm sure he doesn't have any trouble getting women interested in him, I mean women will put up with a lot for money. What is in it for him to do this show?!
WTF he has 25 women to choose from? This is worse than Take Me Out. You and me... equality!
Imagine being the last out of the cab as he's stood there meeting 24 girls before you. I'd just be like 'you must be bored shitless!'
LOL at that girl making him give her a twirl. Smooth.
You haven't been scouring the country for a man for 23 years, Laura. Unless you came out of the womb checking out the doctor. If so, gross.
What is with this girl telling him to carry her up the stairs? What a weirdo! He should have told her to fuck off.
The middle section was pretty much just your standard Joe Millionaire fayre. Except Joe Millionaire (the original USA one) was a hottie.
OMG I can't believe he picked that Laura at the end. She was utterly odious to the core. I think the producers told him to pick that cuntrag. You can't keep a personality like that at bay with a cheeky Vimto.
Next week. More sexism. Enjoy.
Celebrity Big Brother - I would drown them
This useless Twitter live feed they're giving us instead of you know, the real live feed that the producers are watching to give us the shite Twitter feed (wouldn't it be easier to just give us the feed?) is a bit like your boyfriend deciding to stop having sex with you, and just waving his willy at you and going ner-ner-ner-ner-ner every time you walk past him. Imagine if instead of showing Corrie there was just a Corrie feed.
7.43. Norris raises an arch eyebrow. Sophie puts out some tins of beans. Kevin comes stage left wearing that fucking jacket he hasn't replaced despite winning 100K on a scratch card. And now for an advert. Not just as good, is it?
Anyway, I'll get off that soapbox now. Hopefully they'll come round. I need another thing to watch like I need a hole in the head anyway. I'm about two weeks behind on the BBUSA live feed, lol.
Also, I'm desperate to know what Lucien Laviscount is doing. He sounds like something out of Made in Chelsea. Brian actually looks quite handsome again, much better than his The Mint days. My boyfriend fancies Brian Dowling. That's the sort of relationship I'm in.
I'm a bit worried about how much airtime Katona's going to get. I'm just not interested in her.
What is up with Tara's accent? She sounds half Polish! I fancy Bobby! I can't help it. He's a sex bomb. I like the way they're writing their names on the screen (they're meant to be celebrities, surely we should KNOW their names). Amy goes 'I did Towie' which scares me as that's what my kitten is called. He's too young for that sort of thing.
The DR chair does look good, like they've spent a few quid on it.
Welcome pack wars. No one is even noticing Kerry is wigging out. They just expect her to act like that! I thought her divaing was quite good. I like the way she picked Jedward as her target for her divadom as they wouldn't know the difference. I like seeing Jedward forced to interact with people as I suspect it doesn't happen often. Her tantrum was good! I thought she did alright.
My cats are having a tear up dangerously close to my TV aerial. I haven't got an outside aerial so I'm only watching this by a thin thread. Calm down kitties!
Jedward in the DR remind me of Sam and Amanda. Sam and Amanda would be Jedward's perfect match! I'd love to witness that wedding/ celibate marriage.
That's mean when they were all taking the piss of Jedward in the garden! Jedward are a self-sufficient entity. They live in a bubble. I'm surprised they didn't take a double bed together. I bet they dream in unison.
Fuck a duck. Lucien Laviscount (only address him by his FULL title) does fancy Amy. His face fell when Bobby Gorgeous-bollocks arrived. Oh Lucien Laviscount, don't you look just like *insert name of literally any mixed race person here*.
I like this Amy better than Jordan, anyway. Sally admitting she had a drink problem within the first couple of hours. She's an attention seeking missile.
I'm not sure I buy the whole 'she owns the house of commons' BS. That Amy is not without guile. Jedward on the other hand..
As messed up and slurry as Kerry is, she does exude a natural kind of warmth. OMG I can't believe that Bobby guessed Kerry was 36! Doesn't he know anything about manners? She's in better nick than he is, he looks 35.
Sally trying to give Paddy a lesson in... I don't know what, snobbery? was cringeworthy. What's the point?
Jedward album advert! Subtle as a brick.
This punishment for Kerry isn't fair. It makes her look bad and she hasn't even done anything wrong. Does she know the others are watching?! 'I can't do this... oh alright then.'It's like John James going 'I'm not going to get in that crab outfit.' [cut to John James in crab outfit].
Tara Reid and Pamela look like mother and daughter on that couch. Dried up mother and daughter who've been sharing the same box of Nice and Easy in buttercup yellow.
I feel sorry for Katona. I don't really want her, Sally or Bobby to go yet. But Kerry will go.
Brian just said 'the power is in your hands'. On BBUSA they say 'the power is up for grabs' as it's not in the public's hands. It's in the backstabbing racist, homophobic contestants hands, where it should be.
A vote to save at last! Finally the penny drops. Well done C5, you got one thing right. Jedward FTW!
I think I might blog The Bachelor too. I know, what a wild night. I got offered a free Doug Stanhope ticket too, but it was too late to get there! Bugging. Stay tuned.
7.43. Norris raises an arch eyebrow. Sophie puts out some tins of beans. Kevin comes stage left wearing that fucking jacket he hasn't replaced despite winning 100K on a scratch card. And now for an advert. Not just as good, is it?
Anyway, I'll get off that soapbox now. Hopefully they'll come round. I need another thing to watch like I need a hole in the head anyway. I'm about two weeks behind on the BBUSA live feed, lol.
Also, I'm desperate to know what Lucien Laviscount is doing. He sounds like something out of Made in Chelsea. Brian actually looks quite handsome again, much better than his The Mint days. My boyfriend fancies Brian Dowling. That's the sort of relationship I'm in.
I'm a bit worried about how much airtime Katona's going to get. I'm just not interested in her.
What is up with Tara's accent? She sounds half Polish! I fancy Bobby! I can't help it. He's a sex bomb. I like the way they're writing their names on the screen (they're meant to be celebrities, surely we should KNOW their names). Amy goes 'I did Towie' which scares me as that's what my kitten is called. He's too young for that sort of thing.
The DR chair does look good, like they've spent a few quid on it.
Welcome pack wars. No one is even noticing Kerry is wigging out. They just expect her to act like that! I thought her divaing was quite good. I like the way she picked Jedward as her target for her divadom as they wouldn't know the difference. I like seeing Jedward forced to interact with people as I suspect it doesn't happen often. Her tantrum was good! I thought she did alright.
My cats are having a tear up dangerously close to my TV aerial. I haven't got an outside aerial so I'm only watching this by a thin thread. Calm down kitties!
Jedward in the DR remind me of Sam and Amanda. Sam and Amanda would be Jedward's perfect match! I'd love to witness that wedding/ celibate marriage.
That's mean when they were all taking the piss of Jedward in the garden! Jedward are a self-sufficient entity. They live in a bubble. I'm surprised they didn't take a double bed together. I bet they dream in unison.
Fuck a duck. Lucien Laviscount (only address him by his FULL title) does fancy Amy. His face fell when Bobby Gorgeous-bollocks arrived. Oh Lucien Laviscount, don't you look just like *insert name of literally any mixed race person here*.
I like this Amy better than Jordan, anyway. Sally admitting she had a drink problem within the first couple of hours. She's an attention seeking missile.
I'm not sure I buy the whole 'she owns the house of commons' BS. That Amy is not without guile. Jedward on the other hand..
As messed up and slurry as Kerry is, she does exude a natural kind of warmth. OMG I can't believe that Bobby guessed Kerry was 36! Doesn't he know anything about manners? She's in better nick than he is, he looks 35.
Sally trying to give Paddy a lesson in... I don't know what, snobbery? was cringeworthy. What's the point?
Jedward album advert! Subtle as a brick.
This punishment for Kerry isn't fair. It makes her look bad and she hasn't even done anything wrong. Does she know the others are watching?! 'I can't do this... oh alright then.'It's like John James going 'I'm not going to get in that crab outfit.' [cut to John James in crab outfit].
Tara Reid and Pamela look like mother and daughter on that couch. Dried up mother and daughter who've been sharing the same box of Nice and Easy in buttercup yellow.
I feel sorry for Katona. I don't really want her, Sally or Bobby to go yet. But Kerry will go.
Brian just said 'the power is in your hands'. On BBUSA they say 'the power is up for grabs' as it's not in the public's hands. It's in the backstabbing racist, homophobic contestants hands, where it should be.
A vote to save at last! Finally the penny drops. Well done C5, you got one thing right. Jedward FTW!
I think I might blog The Bachelor too. I know, what a wild night. I got offered a free Doug Stanhope ticket too, but it was too late to get there! Bugging. Stay tuned.
Thursday, 18 August 2011
Celebrity Big Brother on Five
Everyone moaning that Big Brother is back on, you are as tired and predictable as the show you claim to despise (whilst secretly watching it). You CAN avoid Channel five, very easily, as long as you're not a fan of Meerkat Manor, or Home and Away (which curiously run in the same slot, as if they're interchangeable). And it's not like you have to be friends with me and put up with my incessant tweeting, Facebooking and blogging about BB. Go on, go find some highbrow friends. The kind of friends who don't eat Wotsits. Arseholes, I call them!
They didn't keep it down for long, did they? Here it is, Big Brother, sans Davina, with a gross-done-on-the-cheap eye, like something you produce proudly for your GCSEs. Look at those poor sods in the crowd standing in the rain, they were probably smashing up Poundworld at the riots this week. They're doing 90s rave tune 'woo wooing'. Tragic!
Ah, here's Brian. He looks thinner, that Eamonn Holmes jibe obviously got to him (he's mentioned it in every interview since). He looks a bit stiff and sweaty, but he's doing quite well. He'll ease into it, I'm sure.
First up Kerry Katona! She's slurring already. Is there ANYTHING we don't know about Kerry Katona? I know every fucking thing about this boring bitch. And now she looks like she's had her eyebrows stapled to her forehead. Oh, she's got a ballgown on. I quite like her hair. Her tattoo is almost Courtney-esque. She looks like Bridget Neilson. I like her red lippy, and all. Oh, she loves her kids. she just LOVES them kids. Put that fat one on a fucking diet then! Mind you, she's done more for them than that Westlife prick ever did. Now there's a man who knows his Home and Away from his Meerkat Manor.
Next, Tara Reid. I only barely know who she is, and I consider myself fairly au fait with the shit rags. Put it this way, I don't think anyone in the UK is going 'yay, Tara Reid' right now. 'You may know me from American Pie.' Er... no, I don't. She's the Dennis Rodman of this year. Tori Spelling would have been better. I hope she's odious or something.
I'm not missing Davina. I'm not missing Davina. I'm not missing Davina. Brian is too botoxed to gurn.
The house looks really good, by the way, and we've not had to suffer the usual ordeal of being shown round it like we really give a fuck about that. And my cats are asleep! Enjoy the silence. I have cats? I know, they're new. Kittens, in fact!
Next, some gypsy bloke. I think I saw him on Britain's Deadliest Men with Danny Dyer (how can you sleep at night?) It IS hard to sleep under those rooves with Katona et al. ROOFS. Rooves. Roofs. Think about it. It will drive you mad.
I can't understand a word this guy said. Tara is going to struggle. Could there be a more Irish name than Paddy Doherty? They should put Mitch Winehouse in, I reckon. Maybe next year.
Him saying 'lady' every minute isn't going to get annoying, is it? No, not at all, lady. Did he pass the 'psychological test'? I seem to remember him boasting about being a criminal, but he could have just been trying to impress Danny Dyer (fuck abaht). I feel like I saw him on Jeremy Kyle, too, but I think I'm getting my gypsies confused.
TOWIE! Amy Childs. I don't watch Towie, but we called our kitten it. Is she a thicko? Tara's not going to be able to understand her, either. Oh, she's a proud thicko. I hate that sort. Do people like her or not? I'm losing the will to live. It's quite early on to feel like that, isn't it! I'm glad they've kept the old music and Marcus. At least we can rely on these old vantage points.
Tara must feel nervous that they all know each other, or are acting like they do. Must be a headfuck. I can't understand anything Tara is saying! We need subtitles.
Ugh, that paparazzi guy does my head in! Why not put Perez Hilton in there and be done with it? How post modern. That accent is always a killer, too. Paddy is going to either chum up with this dude or kill him.
It's bugging me the way Kerry knows all their names. It used to be a secret who was going in. Amy is saying nice things to everyone but there's no light behind the eyes.
It's weird watching this on my own. It's not right. It should be more of an event! It should launch on a Friday.
This Sally Bercow div is just an attention seeking dullard. Bad combination. At least the Daily Mail will be excited. Jan Moir and Amanda Platell must be sharpening their claws as we speak. Oh and now she mentioned the Mail! Too easy. Oh she's so desperately trying to be a bit 'cool'. She's ripe for a Galloway style humiliation task. I think she's actually going to be a good housemate because she's going to get it so wrong and it's going to be a pleasure to watch.
Next in is Lucien Laviscount! I'm not joking, THAT A list star. What he lacks in star power, he makes up for in ridiculous monikers. Good name, though, really, isn't it. It's Sophie's boyfriend from Coronation Street (who?) Quite. Show me the barrel, and watch me scrape it... he looks about 15.
David Hasslehoff's wife. Pamela Hasslehoff. Not Pamela Anderson. Just as good, hey? What a swizz, man. I'm really not impressed with these 'celebrities' so far. They've spent so much on the house, maybe they should have spent a couple of quid on the bookings. It's a bit unfair to pretend Pammy is going in when she isn't. Not a cool move. This line up blows a bit.
Eh heh, who's this dude? He's good looking, but I still have no clue who he is. He seems a bit too normal for this lot. This guy could win it. Bobby Sable. Bobby Sable. The celebrity. That famous, famous model. Apparently he's a 'red blooded male'. Deffo gay then. Amy was a bit unfriendly to him. Why has he got that big coat on, it's August! 25? That modelling lark must be tough.
It really sucks having no live feed. I'd like to watch how they're all getting on later. Damn you, five, you idiots. Utterly failing to understand the concept.
Jedwards! Definitely my favourite housemate(s). I love Jedward so much. They are like a science experiment. They don't suffer from the human condition of 'emotions'. They are weird robot people. They could actually drive you mad in that place. Except most of them are mad anyway. They are wearing my kitten's blanket. Cute. There's definitely a Towie theme tonight. It looks like they just ripped up Tony the Tiger and stitched him back up wrong.
Wow, what a motley crew of housemates. I don't think I've ever seen such a bedraggled line up. How do Jedward know who Tara Reid is when I barely do?
Jedward are tweeting! But they are in the BB house! Boo! I knew they didn't write those tweets. Illusions, shattered. Next you'll be telling me they don't write their own lyrics. Why are Jedward getting so booed when Lucien fucking Laviscount is in there? Give me strength!
The crowd look bored as fuck. It was better down Currys pocketing the minidiscs, wasn't it?
Kerry looks like a carthorse in that dress. Ooh, what's that slinky corridor. The house is cool. The chair is cool. The housemates are shite.
Kerry don't go trotting off to the Diary room and then going 'fuck a duck' when they give you a task to do (or the DR as we call it in BBUSA).
It will be obvious she's on a task once she throws the tantrum anyway. They're not stupid. Welcome pack! Give it to Vinnie Jones to read. He loves that shit. I don't think anyone can read this year. Except Jedward, obviously. They've got an IQ of 300 each, you know.
NB. My friend Dawn just texted to say 'the best thing about Jedward is one is slightly more self aware and embarrassed than the other. Makes for scintillating viewing.' And if that isn't a reason to watch, what the fuck is?
They didn't keep it down for long, did they? Here it is, Big Brother, sans Davina, with a gross-done-on-the-cheap eye, like something you produce proudly for your GCSEs. Look at those poor sods in the crowd standing in the rain, they were probably smashing up Poundworld at the riots this week. They're doing 90s rave tune 'woo wooing'. Tragic!
Ah, here's Brian. He looks thinner, that Eamonn Holmes jibe obviously got to him (he's mentioned it in every interview since). He looks a bit stiff and sweaty, but he's doing quite well. He'll ease into it, I'm sure.
First up Kerry Katona! She's slurring already. Is there ANYTHING we don't know about Kerry Katona? I know every fucking thing about this boring bitch. And now she looks like she's had her eyebrows stapled to her forehead. Oh, she's got a ballgown on. I quite like her hair. Her tattoo is almost Courtney-esque. She looks like Bridget Neilson. I like her red lippy, and all. Oh, she loves her kids. she just LOVES them kids. Put that fat one on a fucking diet then! Mind you, she's done more for them than that Westlife prick ever did. Now there's a man who knows his Home and Away from his Meerkat Manor.
Next, Tara Reid. I only barely know who she is, and I consider myself fairly au fait with the shit rags. Put it this way, I don't think anyone in the UK is going 'yay, Tara Reid' right now. 'You may know me from American Pie.' Er... no, I don't. She's the Dennis Rodman of this year. Tori Spelling would have been better. I hope she's odious or something.
I'm not missing Davina. I'm not missing Davina. I'm not missing Davina. Brian is too botoxed to gurn.
The house looks really good, by the way, and we've not had to suffer the usual ordeal of being shown round it like we really give a fuck about that. And my cats are asleep! Enjoy the silence. I have cats? I know, they're new. Kittens, in fact!
Next, some gypsy bloke. I think I saw him on Britain's Deadliest Men with Danny Dyer (how can you sleep at night?) It IS hard to sleep under those rooves with Katona et al. ROOFS. Rooves. Roofs. Think about it. It will drive you mad.
I can't understand a word this guy said. Tara is going to struggle. Could there be a more Irish name than Paddy Doherty? They should put Mitch Winehouse in, I reckon. Maybe next year.
Him saying 'lady' every minute isn't going to get annoying, is it? No, not at all, lady. Did he pass the 'psychological test'? I seem to remember him boasting about being a criminal, but he could have just been trying to impress Danny Dyer (fuck abaht). I feel like I saw him on Jeremy Kyle, too, but I think I'm getting my gypsies confused.
TOWIE! Amy Childs. I don't watch Towie, but we called our kitten it. Is she a thicko? Tara's not going to be able to understand her, either. Oh, she's a proud thicko. I hate that sort. Do people like her or not? I'm losing the will to live. It's quite early on to feel like that, isn't it! I'm glad they've kept the old music and Marcus. At least we can rely on these old vantage points.
Tara must feel nervous that they all know each other, or are acting like they do. Must be a headfuck. I can't understand anything Tara is saying! We need subtitles.
Ugh, that paparazzi guy does my head in! Why not put Perez Hilton in there and be done with it? How post modern. That accent is always a killer, too. Paddy is going to either chum up with this dude or kill him.
It's bugging me the way Kerry knows all their names. It used to be a secret who was going in. Amy is saying nice things to everyone but there's no light behind the eyes.
It's weird watching this on my own. It's not right. It should be more of an event! It should launch on a Friday.
This Sally Bercow div is just an attention seeking dullard. Bad combination. At least the Daily Mail will be excited. Jan Moir and Amanda Platell must be sharpening their claws as we speak. Oh and now she mentioned the Mail! Too easy. Oh she's so desperately trying to be a bit 'cool'. She's ripe for a Galloway style humiliation task. I think she's actually going to be a good housemate because she's going to get it so wrong and it's going to be a pleasure to watch.
Next in is Lucien Laviscount! I'm not joking, THAT A list star. What he lacks in star power, he makes up for in ridiculous monikers. Good name, though, really, isn't it. It's Sophie's boyfriend from Coronation Street (who?) Quite. Show me the barrel, and watch me scrape it... he looks about 15.
David Hasslehoff's wife. Pamela Hasslehoff. Not Pamela Anderson. Just as good, hey? What a swizz, man. I'm really not impressed with these 'celebrities' so far. They've spent so much on the house, maybe they should have spent a couple of quid on the bookings. It's a bit unfair to pretend Pammy is going in when she isn't. Not a cool move. This line up blows a bit.
Eh heh, who's this dude? He's good looking, but I still have no clue who he is. He seems a bit too normal for this lot. This guy could win it. Bobby Sable. Bobby Sable. The celebrity. That famous, famous model. Apparently he's a 'red blooded male'. Deffo gay then. Amy was a bit unfriendly to him. Why has he got that big coat on, it's August! 25? That modelling lark must be tough.
It really sucks having no live feed. I'd like to watch how they're all getting on later. Damn you, five, you idiots. Utterly failing to understand the concept.
Jedwards! Definitely my favourite housemate(s). I love Jedward so much. They are like a science experiment. They don't suffer from the human condition of 'emotions'. They are weird robot people. They could actually drive you mad in that place. Except most of them are mad anyway. They are wearing my kitten's blanket. Cute. There's definitely a Towie theme tonight. It looks like they just ripped up Tony the Tiger and stitched him back up wrong.
Wow, what a motley crew of housemates. I don't think I've ever seen such a bedraggled line up. How do Jedward know who Tara Reid is when I barely do?
Jedward are tweeting! But they are in the BB house! Boo! I knew they didn't write those tweets. Illusions, shattered. Next you'll be telling me they don't write their own lyrics. Why are Jedward getting so booed when Lucien fucking Laviscount is in there? Give me strength!
The crowd look bored as fuck. It was better down Currys pocketing the minidiscs, wasn't it?
Kerry looks like a carthorse in that dress. Ooh, what's that slinky corridor. The house is cool. The chair is cool. The housemates are shite.
Kerry don't go trotting off to the Diary room and then going 'fuck a duck' when they give you a task to do (or the DR as we call it in BBUSA).
It will be obvious she's on a task once she throws the tantrum anyway. They're not stupid. Welcome pack! Give it to Vinnie Jones to read. He loves that shit. I don't think anyone can read this year. Except Jedward, obviously. They've got an IQ of 300 each, you know.
NB. My friend Dawn just texted to say 'the best thing about Jedward is one is slightly more self aware and embarrassed than the other. Makes for scintillating viewing.' And if that isn't a reason to watch, what the fuck is?
Saturday, 13 August 2011
Big brother USA Season 13 The greatest comeback since Lazarus
Well Big Brother USA has NOT disappointed this year (hope I can say the same for the UK one when it drops on Five next week).
If you're not watching it yet, step away from my blog, and go fucking watch Big Brother USA season 13. Seriously. It will be the best TV decision you've made since Breaking Bad. And you have a whole 12 other seasons to watch, too.
OK, have they gone? Now let's us in the know talk business.
This week in particular saw Rachel crawl back from the dead, and somehow drag Brendon back with her. My friend JOTV doesn't think Brendan would get 1 million votes. Are you joking? Watching that relationship is my main reason for watching it! I can see how it would drive others mad, of course. But I love it. I love seeing the powerplay, and just the cracks and chinks of how relationships are (but particularly theirs!) At least it's real. I'm not even convinced Jess and Jordan fuck. They are more like brother and sister. And Jeff, you homophobic cunt, if you said shit like that in the UK Big Brother you'd be out the door quicker than you can say 'Ignoramus'. I can't believe the others sat round and let him get away with saying that all gays are basically peados. Plus, Dumbledore is a fictional character, but I'm not sure Jeff is aware of this. One day he'll realise that it's only going out with Jordan (who told a story on live feed the other day about shitting her pants on the bus) that makes him look even slightly intelligent. Otherwise he's just a thick patronising prick.
What I will say though, is I liked it when Jordan finally showed her teeth this week and got angry. And who can blame her! I warmed to her a lot more after that.
Some of the most insane gameplay I've ever seen in my life took place this week. Kalia, on a desperate damage limitation exercise, not only cancelled the last two weeks evictions out, but also got one of her own (her former partner, let's not forget) Lawon evicted.
Personally I couldn't be happier that Lawon has gone. He's one of those bodies in there just clogging up the place (yes, Adam, just like you) and doing nothing. His diary room 'antics' are contrived and the only interesting thing he ever said in the house was when he recounted a tale of his granny saying 'if you're going to be gay, be the best damn gay you can be.' Granny seemed to have a lot more sense that Lawon, who decided to take up a kamikaze mission of offering himself up for eviction, with the mistaken believe that 'whoever leaves is coming back in with a magic power'. This was something Lawon basically made up in his head. My boyfriend was so shocked by his stupidity he thinks BB must have paid him off to act that way. But no. Lawon is just 100% moron. Glad he's gone, he was quite literally a waste of a housemate.
So it's always nice to get a 'floater' out, and paticularly nice when they set themselves up for it. I hope Porsche follows soon, an unfriendly robot with boobs, who hasn't done a damn thing for any of her supposed 'allies' in there, and the second it looked like Rachel was drowning virtually pushed her further out to sea. I don't know why they cast her, as she's not attractive, and she has no personality. She makes Danielle look like a nice person.
The person I was most shocked by was probably Danielle, supposedly a mastermind of the game, she did a sheep vote for one of the stupidest decisions ever made in the house. Didn't she learn her lesson on that from her own time in the house? Kalia was so desperate to step out from Danielle's shadow that she turned a great big target-shaped spotlight on both of them. Good work! Go team. They are FUCKED. And JOTV, Danielle doesn't try and influence people's decisions on how to vote? It's her hardballing those (bad) decisions that have got her into the unholy mess she's in now.
So does this mean Rachel will be running with open arms to Kalia and Danielle next week? Does it fuck! Kalia has completely wasted her week as Head of Household (HOH), and now Jeff, Jordan, Rachel and Brendon are going to be kicking some arse. Does Kalia really think she got away with it? After the way Jeff went off at her? She must be either stupid or mental, and I can't tell which, but they are not so much gunning for her as punching in the code on the nuclear bomb.
This has been a dream week in the Big Brother house, when the impossible becomes possible and all the cards fall into the right place. We watched the three episodes basically in a row (as we only get to watch it at weekends) and I can honestly say, my heart was racing the whole way through. This is the most exciting show on TV, the most outrageous drama, just brilliantly crafted for maximum enjoyment. I still have much respect for the way they always do the HOH competition after the eviction interview so you always know who's going to be running the show next week. The whole format is just brilliant, everything we do wrong with our BB, they do right with theirs.
And the cliches are true! This game does turn on a dime. Rachel looked defeated, but she's back. Rachel is my favourite person in there by a country mile, she's gorgeous, quirky, funny, honest, crazy, fucked up, childish, utterly flawed. And she just feels real to me. She really doesn't understand why others don't like her. But I do. Because they don't dare to be as brave as her. They haven't got the personality to get away with the shit she does. Rachel is like a fly in their ear they can't get rid of, and she wins competitions, and she will win again soon, and then THEY WILL PAY.
I just hope that wedding to Brendan doesn't crush her Vegas spirit. He's already dowdified her a bit, I want her with her full on cats-eyes makeup and the red extensions, kicking arse. She's an amazing player. And she still won't win it. Why?
Because once the 'veterans' are done taking out Kalia and Danielle (and vice versa), you do know who will be sitting there pretty at the end, don't you?
ADAM. Adam who has brought nothing to the show except a dearth of a personality wrapped in a cliche (he hasn't even got that gross beard anymore as a talking point).
Unless, unless.
I really could see Shelley winning this game. She is one sneaky motherfucker, and I know they're onto her playing both sides, but I think by the time they get round to doing something about it, it might be too late. She's played a blinding, cunning, trixy little bitch of a game and I salute her for that.
This week felt like a turning point. I think we're in for a mad ride from here on...
If you're not watching it yet, step away from my blog, and go fucking watch Big Brother USA season 13. Seriously. It will be the best TV decision you've made since Breaking Bad. And you have a whole 12 other seasons to watch, too.
OK, have they gone? Now let's us in the know talk business.
This week in particular saw Rachel crawl back from the dead, and somehow drag Brendon back with her. My friend JOTV doesn't think Brendan would get 1 million votes. Are you joking? Watching that relationship is my main reason for watching it! I can see how it would drive others mad, of course. But I love it. I love seeing the powerplay, and just the cracks and chinks of how relationships are (but particularly theirs!) At least it's real. I'm not even convinced Jess and Jordan fuck. They are more like brother and sister. And Jeff, you homophobic cunt, if you said shit like that in the UK Big Brother you'd be out the door quicker than you can say 'Ignoramus'. I can't believe the others sat round and let him get away with saying that all gays are basically peados. Plus, Dumbledore is a fictional character, but I'm not sure Jeff is aware of this. One day he'll realise that it's only going out with Jordan (who told a story on live feed the other day about shitting her pants on the bus) that makes him look even slightly intelligent. Otherwise he's just a thick patronising prick.
What I will say though, is I liked it when Jordan finally showed her teeth this week and got angry. And who can blame her! I warmed to her a lot more after that.
Some of the most insane gameplay I've ever seen in my life took place this week. Kalia, on a desperate damage limitation exercise, not only cancelled the last two weeks evictions out, but also got one of her own (her former partner, let's not forget) Lawon evicted.
Personally I couldn't be happier that Lawon has gone. He's one of those bodies in there just clogging up the place (yes, Adam, just like you) and doing nothing. His diary room 'antics' are contrived and the only interesting thing he ever said in the house was when he recounted a tale of his granny saying 'if you're going to be gay, be the best damn gay you can be.' Granny seemed to have a lot more sense that Lawon, who decided to take up a kamikaze mission of offering himself up for eviction, with the mistaken believe that 'whoever leaves is coming back in with a magic power'. This was something Lawon basically made up in his head. My boyfriend was so shocked by his stupidity he thinks BB must have paid him off to act that way. But no. Lawon is just 100% moron. Glad he's gone, he was quite literally a waste of a housemate.
So it's always nice to get a 'floater' out, and paticularly nice when they set themselves up for it. I hope Porsche follows soon, an unfriendly robot with boobs, who hasn't done a damn thing for any of her supposed 'allies' in there, and the second it looked like Rachel was drowning virtually pushed her further out to sea. I don't know why they cast her, as she's not attractive, and she has no personality. She makes Danielle look like a nice person.
The person I was most shocked by was probably Danielle, supposedly a mastermind of the game, she did a sheep vote for one of the stupidest decisions ever made in the house. Didn't she learn her lesson on that from her own time in the house? Kalia was so desperate to step out from Danielle's shadow that she turned a great big target-shaped spotlight on both of them. Good work! Go team. They are FUCKED. And JOTV, Danielle doesn't try and influence people's decisions on how to vote? It's her hardballing those (bad) decisions that have got her into the unholy mess she's in now.
So does this mean Rachel will be running with open arms to Kalia and Danielle next week? Does it fuck! Kalia has completely wasted her week as Head of Household (HOH), and now Jeff, Jordan, Rachel and Brendon are going to be kicking some arse. Does Kalia really think she got away with it? After the way Jeff went off at her? She must be either stupid or mental, and I can't tell which, but they are not so much gunning for her as punching in the code on the nuclear bomb.
This has been a dream week in the Big Brother house, when the impossible becomes possible and all the cards fall into the right place. We watched the three episodes basically in a row (as we only get to watch it at weekends) and I can honestly say, my heart was racing the whole way through. This is the most exciting show on TV, the most outrageous drama, just brilliantly crafted for maximum enjoyment. I still have much respect for the way they always do the HOH competition after the eviction interview so you always know who's going to be running the show next week. The whole format is just brilliant, everything we do wrong with our BB, they do right with theirs.
And the cliches are true! This game does turn on a dime. Rachel looked defeated, but she's back. Rachel is my favourite person in there by a country mile, she's gorgeous, quirky, funny, honest, crazy, fucked up, childish, utterly flawed. And she just feels real to me. She really doesn't understand why others don't like her. But I do. Because they don't dare to be as brave as her. They haven't got the personality to get away with the shit she does. Rachel is like a fly in their ear they can't get rid of, and she wins competitions, and she will win again soon, and then THEY WILL PAY.
I just hope that wedding to Brendan doesn't crush her Vegas spirit. He's already dowdified her a bit, I want her with her full on cats-eyes makeup and the red extensions, kicking arse. She's an amazing player. And she still won't win it. Why?
Because once the 'veterans' are done taking out Kalia and Danielle (and vice versa), you do know who will be sitting there pretty at the end, don't you?
ADAM. Adam who has brought nothing to the show except a dearth of a personality wrapped in a cliche (he hasn't even got that gross beard anymore as a talking point).
Unless, unless.
I really could see Shelley winning this game. She is one sneaky motherfucker, and I know they're onto her playing both sides, but I think by the time they get round to doing something about it, it might be too late. She's played a blinding, cunning, trixy little bitch of a game and I salute her for that.
This week felt like a turning point. I think we're in for a mad ride from here on...
Monday, 8 August 2011
Morrissey at Brixton Academy 2011
Sorry for the break in service, I've been moving house and changing jobs. But with Big Brother season just around the corner, you can be sure that there will be plenty more rubbish for you to read right here. But first; Morrissey.
If you think there’s been a dent in Morrissey’s popularity lately, you couldn’t be more wrong. I have never seen Brixton Academy so heaving, and I’ve been there for lots of different gigs, including Placebo, who I always figure are more popular. There was barely any breathing room so full was the room of fat sweaty men and the odd fat sweaty woman (me included). We arrived just before 9 (was Kristeen any good?) and he came on pretty much straight away (still saw some of that tired old video he’s still wheeling out, though- I mean, does he really think it’s anything other than torture to watch? I’d rather watch the abattoir vid).
The perfect analogy for the night? Only at Morrissey do you get a boy’s toilet queue that’s longer than a girl’s toilet queue. There seemed to be four blokes for every woman in there, I’ve never seen it so man-heavy.
I might get the order of some of the songs wrong here. He came onto I Want the One I Can’t Have, followed by Irish Blood English Heart (everyone in the room sang along). We noticed there was an England flag stuck to the ceiling but I wasn’t sure if that was deliberate or not, my boyfriend says yes. We were a bit grumpy when we first went in, but Moz always cheers me up (ironically!) and you could soon forget about all the idiots and just be at one with the Moz. He did You Have Killed Me quite early, which I find a it plodding, but my boyfriend likes it.
We had quite a good spot a first but more and more people piled in and it got a bit sardine-like. Ouija Board was AMAZING, they did a really cool version of it, either the guitar or the keyboards sounded really good on it (but no STEPHEN bit… sob- he did a yelp instead). Alma Matters was also really excellent. I love hearing him do stuff from that era.
He did a few duff songs- Black Cloud should surely have been put to bed by now. Scandinavia (a new song) sounded pretty dreary. I like the other new songs though, People are the same everywhere, and Action is my middle name.
The guy in front of us was on Facebook ‘At Brixton Academy with Laura’- why not try watching Morrissey then, you cretin.
Moz made a few comments but nothing outrageous, ‘As if David Cameron has ever been to Tottenham’ and saying Prince Charles and ‘Camel’ (oh dear- it’s nearly as bad as the Royal ‘dreading’) came face to face with the British public at last’ during the student protests last year (yes, very current, Moz). This got a big cheer.
He did Speedway which was for a long time my favourite Morrissey song, and once I saw it (I think it was at Brixton, too) and it was one of the best moments of my life but this time it was marred slightly by some idiot woman’s gross white handbag sticking in my back. After that he played that bloody song about George Alagiah- also rubbish!
we moved back a bit then as we were getting proper crushed and got a drink. He did an amazing mid-section with I Know it’s Over (I’ve dreamed of that moment) and even though I was basically at the back then, I just focussed on him, and it nearly made me cry. His voice sounded so good on it. That song is probably my favourite Smiths song, and it was a real privilege to hear it live, as I never thought I would. He followed this with Every Day is Like Sunday (we had a dance in the bar) and There is a Light… I mean that’s a pretty strong three in a row. He then followed that with Throwing My Arms around Paris (zzz). Meat is Murder actually sounded pretty good, and I couldn’t see the abattoir vid from where I was, which I’m grateful for.
He also did a song called Art Hounds which was quite good and he spelt out the title for us 'hounds as in hounds of the baskervilles' like he was an OAP calling the gas board. There was also another fight in front of us, I think I attract absolute morons everywhere I go. This guy was psised off his face.
There must be more songs I’m missing. There was This No Charming Man (good) and no The Loop (thank fuck) but he finished with First of the Gang… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Could there be a more predictable and boring ending… come on Moz. I’d rather hear Last Night I dreamt…
On the whole though, a really good gig, slap bang in the middle of my Morrissey experiences. I was trying to work out how many times I’ve seen Morrissey now, and I think it must be something between 20 and 30. Nothing could ever top the glory of being down the front at ‘Who put the M into Manchester’ or seeing him at such close quarters in Yarmouth but it’s always nice to see the old fella, and show him that his real fans do really love him, no matter what, and forever.
He’s been getting a hard time lately, but I hope he knows (and he does) that Morrissey Solo is has about as much relevance to what being a Morrissey fan as I have to being a Robbie Williams fan. Solo means nothing and is nothing, and the only good thing it ever did was introduce me to the love of my life. The rest of it should be drowned in the nearest river, because what they’ll never understand is that Morrissey is about the man, and the man is in the songs. And songs like that you don’t ever turn your back on. And thank god we do have popstars who can say things that aren’t acceptable, or part of the status quo, because we need it. And anything he’s ever said to shock has always been considered. Every ‘controversy’ has been designed, because he’s not stupid. And men like him come along once or twice a lifetime, so you’d better hang onto him. Because you know as well as I if he dropped down dead tomorrow you’d be on the bandwagon quicker than I could say ‘Johnny Marr’.
PS: Brixton is a hellhole, even more noticeably so now I live almost outside London.
If you think there’s been a dent in Morrissey’s popularity lately, you couldn’t be more wrong. I have never seen Brixton Academy so heaving, and I’ve been there for lots of different gigs, including Placebo, who I always figure are more popular. There was barely any breathing room so full was the room of fat sweaty men and the odd fat sweaty woman (me included). We arrived just before 9 (was Kristeen any good?) and he came on pretty much straight away (still saw some of that tired old video he’s still wheeling out, though- I mean, does he really think it’s anything other than torture to watch? I’d rather watch the abattoir vid).
The perfect analogy for the night? Only at Morrissey do you get a boy’s toilet queue that’s longer than a girl’s toilet queue. There seemed to be four blokes for every woman in there, I’ve never seen it so man-heavy.
I might get the order of some of the songs wrong here. He came onto I Want the One I Can’t Have, followed by Irish Blood English Heart (everyone in the room sang along). We noticed there was an England flag stuck to the ceiling but I wasn’t sure if that was deliberate or not, my boyfriend says yes. We were a bit grumpy when we first went in, but Moz always cheers me up (ironically!) and you could soon forget about all the idiots and just be at one with the Moz. He did You Have Killed Me quite early, which I find a it plodding, but my boyfriend likes it.
We had quite a good spot a first but more and more people piled in and it got a bit sardine-like. Ouija Board was AMAZING, they did a really cool version of it, either the guitar or the keyboards sounded really good on it (but no STEPHEN bit… sob- he did a yelp instead). Alma Matters was also really excellent. I love hearing him do stuff from that era.
He did a few duff songs- Black Cloud should surely have been put to bed by now. Scandinavia (a new song) sounded pretty dreary. I like the other new songs though, People are the same everywhere, and Action is my middle name.
The guy in front of us was on Facebook ‘At Brixton Academy with Laura’- why not try watching Morrissey then, you cretin.
Moz made a few comments but nothing outrageous, ‘As if David Cameron has ever been to Tottenham’ and saying Prince Charles and ‘Camel’ (oh dear- it’s nearly as bad as the Royal ‘dreading’) came face to face with the British public at last’ during the student protests last year (yes, very current, Moz). This got a big cheer.
He did Speedway which was for a long time my favourite Morrissey song, and once I saw it (I think it was at Brixton, too) and it was one of the best moments of my life but this time it was marred slightly by some idiot woman’s gross white handbag sticking in my back. After that he played that bloody song about George Alagiah- also rubbish!
we moved back a bit then as we were getting proper crushed and got a drink. He did an amazing mid-section with I Know it’s Over (I’ve dreamed of that moment) and even though I was basically at the back then, I just focussed on him, and it nearly made me cry. His voice sounded so good on it. That song is probably my favourite Smiths song, and it was a real privilege to hear it live, as I never thought I would. He followed this with Every Day is Like Sunday (we had a dance in the bar) and There is a Light… I mean that’s a pretty strong three in a row. He then followed that with Throwing My Arms around Paris (zzz). Meat is Murder actually sounded pretty good, and I couldn’t see the abattoir vid from where I was, which I’m grateful for.
He also did a song called Art Hounds which was quite good and he spelt out the title for us 'hounds as in hounds of the baskervilles' like he was an OAP calling the gas board. There was also another fight in front of us, I think I attract absolute morons everywhere I go. This guy was psised off his face.
There must be more songs I’m missing. There was This No Charming Man (good) and no The Loop (thank fuck) but he finished with First of the Gang… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Could there be a more predictable and boring ending… come on Moz. I’d rather hear Last Night I dreamt…
On the whole though, a really good gig, slap bang in the middle of my Morrissey experiences. I was trying to work out how many times I’ve seen Morrissey now, and I think it must be something between 20 and 30. Nothing could ever top the glory of being down the front at ‘Who put the M into Manchester’ or seeing him at such close quarters in Yarmouth but it’s always nice to see the old fella, and show him that his real fans do really love him, no matter what, and forever.
He’s been getting a hard time lately, but I hope he knows (and he does) that Morrissey Solo is has about as much relevance to what being a Morrissey fan as I have to being a Robbie Williams fan. Solo means nothing and is nothing, and the only good thing it ever did was introduce me to the love of my life. The rest of it should be drowned in the nearest river, because what they’ll never understand is that Morrissey is about the man, and the man is in the songs. And songs like that you don’t ever turn your back on. And thank god we do have popstars who can say things that aren’t acceptable, or part of the status quo, because we need it. And anything he’s ever said to shock has always been considered. Every ‘controversy’ has been designed, because he’s not stupid. And men like him come along once or twice a lifetime, so you’d better hang onto him. Because you know as well as I if he dropped down dead tomorrow you’d be on the bandwagon quicker than I could say ‘Johnny Marr’.
PS: Brixton is a hellhole, even more noticeably so now I live almost outside London.
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