Well Big Brother USA has NOT disappointed this year (hope I can say the same for the UK one when it drops on Five next week).
If you're not watching it yet, step away from my blog, and go fucking watch Big Brother USA season 13. Seriously. It will be the best TV decision you've made since Breaking Bad. And you have a whole 12 other seasons to watch, too.
OK, have they gone? Now let's us in the know talk business.
This week in particular saw Rachel crawl back from the dead, and somehow drag Brendon back with her. My friend JOTV doesn't think Brendan would get 1 million votes. Are you joking? Watching that relationship is my main reason for watching it! I can see how it would drive others mad, of course. But I love it. I love seeing the powerplay, and just the cracks and chinks of how relationships are (but particularly theirs!) At least it's real. I'm not even convinced Jess and Jordan fuck. They are more like brother and sister. And Jeff, you homophobic cunt, if you said shit like that in the UK Big Brother you'd be out the door quicker than you can say 'Ignoramus'. I can't believe the others sat round and let him get away with saying that all gays are basically peados. Plus, Dumbledore is a fictional character, but I'm not sure Jeff is aware of this. One day he'll realise that it's only going out with Jordan (who told a story on live feed the other day about shitting her pants on the bus) that makes him look even slightly intelligent. Otherwise he's just a thick patronising prick.
What I will say though, is I liked it when Jordan finally showed her teeth this week and got angry. And who can blame her! I warmed to her a lot more after that.
Some of the most insane gameplay I've ever seen in my life took place this week. Kalia, on a desperate damage limitation exercise, not only cancelled the last two weeks evictions out, but also got one of her own (her former partner, let's not forget) Lawon evicted.
Personally I couldn't be happier that Lawon has gone. He's one of those bodies in there just clogging up the place (yes, Adam, just like you) and doing nothing. His diary room 'antics' are contrived and the only interesting thing he ever said in the house was when he recounted a tale of his granny saying 'if you're going to be gay, be the best damn gay you can be.' Granny seemed to have a lot more sense that Lawon, who decided to take up a kamikaze mission of offering himself up for eviction, with the mistaken believe that 'whoever leaves is coming back in with a magic power'. This was something Lawon basically made up in his head. My boyfriend was so shocked by his stupidity he thinks BB must have paid him off to act that way. But no. Lawon is just 100% moron. Glad he's gone, he was quite literally a waste of a housemate.
So it's always nice to get a 'floater' out, and paticularly nice when they set themselves up for it. I hope Porsche follows soon, an unfriendly robot with boobs, who hasn't done a damn thing for any of her supposed 'allies' in there, and the second it looked like Rachel was drowning virtually pushed her further out to sea. I don't know why they cast her, as she's not attractive, and she has no personality. She makes Danielle look like a nice person.
The person I was most shocked by was probably Danielle, supposedly a mastermind of the game, she did a sheep vote for one of the stupidest decisions ever made in the house. Didn't she learn her lesson on that from her own time in the house? Kalia was so desperate to step out from Danielle's shadow that she turned a great big target-shaped spotlight on both of them. Good work! Go team. They are FUCKED. And JOTV, Danielle doesn't try and influence people's decisions on how to vote? It's her hardballing those (bad) decisions that have got her into the unholy mess she's in now.
So does this mean Rachel will be running with open arms to Kalia and Danielle next week? Does it fuck! Kalia has completely wasted her week as Head of Household (HOH), and now Jeff, Jordan, Rachel and Brendon are going to be kicking some arse. Does Kalia really think she got away with it? After the way Jeff went off at her? She must be either stupid or mental, and I can't tell which, but they are not so much gunning for her as punching in the code on the nuclear bomb.
This has been a dream week in the Big Brother house, when the impossible becomes possible and all the cards fall into the right place. We watched the three episodes basically in a row (as we only get to watch it at weekends) and I can honestly say, my heart was racing the whole way through. This is the most exciting show on TV, the most outrageous drama, just brilliantly crafted for maximum enjoyment. I still have much respect for the way they always do the HOH competition after the eviction interview so you always know who's going to be running the show next week. The whole format is just brilliant, everything we do wrong with our BB, they do right with theirs.
And the cliches are true! This game does turn on a dime. Rachel looked defeated, but she's back. Rachel is my favourite person in there by a country mile, she's gorgeous, quirky, funny, honest, crazy, fucked up, childish, utterly flawed. And she just feels real to me. She really doesn't understand why others don't like her. But I do. Because they don't dare to be as brave as her. They haven't got the personality to get away with the shit she does. Rachel is like a fly in their ear they can't get rid of, and she wins competitions, and she will win again soon, and then THEY WILL PAY.
I just hope that wedding to Brendan doesn't crush her Vegas spirit. He's already dowdified her a bit, I want her with her full on cats-eyes makeup and the red extensions, kicking arse. She's an amazing player. And she still won't win it. Why?
Because once the 'veterans' are done taking out Kalia and Danielle (and vice versa), you do know who will be sitting there pretty at the end, don't you?
ADAM. Adam who has brought nothing to the show except a dearth of a personality wrapped in a cliche (he hasn't even got that gross beard anymore as a talking point).
I really could see Shelley winning this game. She is one sneaky motherfucker, and I know they're onto her playing both sides, but I think by the time they get round to doing something about it, it might be too late. She's played a blinding, cunning, trixy little bitch of a game and I salute her for that.
This week felt like a turning point. I think we're in for a mad ride from here on...