Oh fucking hell, they're not regurgitating that electric shock task again, are they? Are we that fresh out of ideas? Every thought of going into a room with a flipchart and someone who cares about the show and thinking of a new one?
Oh it's the waking up montage! Riveting. And who's this person on my screen? Handily they've scrawled it on there for me. 'Kerry'. No, never heard of her.
Flashback! Oh yes, I remember this from yesterday. I'm not braindead. I am being treated like it, though and it's getting boring.
Bobby is so playing up to the cameras, now. I think I preferred him mute. Darryn's a product? That's rich coming from a professional coat hanger.
Have you noticed how close Tara Reid's eyebrows are to her eyes? There's virtually no room for eyeshadow. She's on a name-dropping tip.
I want to go under that blanket Kerry's under. It looks cosy.
Oh God, the 'do you want kids' chat. Oh, it quickly turned to animal talk. That's better. I personally don't think you should have a dog when you're a celebrity and travel all over. It's not fair on them. But I liked Tara crying over her dog, it seemed real.
Jedward's fort was reminiscent of Chicken Stu and Michelle's under the table activities.
I hate people like Amy who just repeat the same illiterate thing over and over again. Darryn is very happy to stoke that fire. He's a curmudgeonly old thing.
Sally 'that looks disgusting if you don't mind me saying so.' Well, I do actually, you rude cunt. Why does everyone hate Pamela so much? She's a bit in her own world, but so what. She's nothing on Jedward. I bet Jedward will like that meal! They like weird food.
God, Sally is so fucking rude. You'd be better off just saying 'you're an idiot' than digging away at her. You can be polite without 'bullshitting'.
How come these celebs don't have to sit in an ashtray to smoke? WTF is up with Tara? She's a wreck! What's she scared of? Pamela's cooking? Darryn's abs?
Jedward's counselling services are probably not going to be in great demand when they leave the house, let's put it that way. But they do have glittery hoodies. If Jedward just sit and go 'you're OK' at you, does that make things OK? I think it might freak me out. Tara you won't work again because you're a dried up old druggie, not cos of BB, you drama queen.
Big Brother has no interest in John and Edward as individuals. It just wants to take the mickey. They look cute in their little outfits. The pink one in particular! That is quite funny, though. I suspect they're not going to do very well.
Ok, I take back what I said about the task, that was funny. That was so sweet when they cuddled at the end. They are such strange little people. I want to pet them.
Bobby and Lucien; what chemistry! What a genuine lifelong friendship.
Kerry wants to eat her children. Is that advised?
Jedward with a billion dollars in their back pocket. What would they spend it on? This conversation reminds me of when Stephen Baldwin was trying to turn Alex Reid into the new James Bond. American optimism.
I like Jedward with their curly quiffs. They are Morrisseyeque. I want to be able to tell Jedward apart. But I can't!
Amy: 'I'm from Essex... it's very orange.' Lucien's never had a girlfriend. You do surprise me, he's such a well-rounded and mature young man. This boy talk is depressing.
I liked watching them get all dressed up for the wedding. Amy's dress was nice! The on the shelf Jedward will probably cry. Amy looks so much like Jordan, it's weird. I want to see her with the make up off. That kiss was hilarious! I imagine it will be much like that on John's real wedding night. With Edward hidden in a suitcase. Why would you need a partner if you get all your emotional needs met from your twin? For sex? I don't think they're that bothered. That girlfriend or girlfriends will only come between them.
This party is the lols. Bobby cornered by a drunk, loud Kerry going on about herself. He can't even be bothered to be polite anymore.
Bobby doing the whole Alex Sibley talking to the mirror thing. Looking down on Kerry because she's common. I can't stand him and his good-looking privilege. OMG him calling her gross! Who does he think he is? She is a fucking mess, but she doesn't need him pointing it out like a dick in the corridor. If he feels that strongly why doesn't he tell her what's what. Because he prefers to do it behind backs like a whiny little baby.
Why did he go in and think he'd fancy Amy? She's obviously beneath him. The lamest thing ever is when the contestants talk to the cameras. In my opinion, they shouldn't even show it.
I really wish Channel 4 still had this show. Getting fed up with Five's antics now. Plus the celebs are useless. Still love it though, ha.