Friday 19 August 2011

Five: The Bachelor

What a night for Channel 5. I mean who wouldn't want to snog Gavin Henson's giant orange face that looks like it's been painted on the front of a shovel? Surely it's every woman's dream.
As it happens, the women didn't even know it was Gavin they were signing up to... gold dig. Let's hope they like orange shovels. Welsh ones.
I wonder if Charlotte Church is watching this, crying. Oh no, she's too busy fucking her new boyfriend behind a bush and getting caught with her knickers round her ankles. At least she looks like she has a laugh, though. This prick looks like his favourite hobby is masturbating into a mirror.
It comes as scant surprise that Henson has a personality vacuum. He must be desperate to be doing this show. How much are they paying him? Surely he doesn't need the money. The voice of an angel must have given him a few quid to send him on his way. I'm sure he doesn't have any trouble getting women interested in him, I mean women will put up with a lot for money. What is in it for him to do this show?!
WTF he has 25 women to choose from? This is worse than Take Me Out. You and me... equality!
Imagine being the last out of the cab as he's stood there meeting 24 girls before you. I'd just be like 'you must be bored shitless!'
LOL at that girl making him give her a twirl. Smooth.
You haven't been scouring the country for a man for 23 years, Laura. Unless you came out of the womb checking out the doctor. If so, gross.
What is with this girl telling him to carry her up the stairs? What a weirdo! He should have told her to fuck off.
The middle section was pretty much just your standard Joe Millionaire fayre. Except Joe Millionaire (the original USA one) was a hottie.
OMG I can't believe he picked that Laura at the end. She was utterly odious to the core. I think the producers told him to pick that cuntrag. You can't keep a personality like that at bay with a cheeky Vimto.
Next week. More sexism. Enjoy.

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