Big Brother is, of course, the doyenne of reality shows. It makes X Factor look like Ooglies. No, not Ooglies, Ooglies is good. Milkshake!
Look at all the mod cons in that house! Giant gym! The living room looks a bit small though, or it's a bad camera angle, I'm not sure.
Jedward using washing up liquid as bubble bath... that would NOT be good for my nether regions. I'd need a bath in Canesten after that.
Five are going a bit heavy on the flashbacks. If people missed it, I say fuck 'em.
Jedward in the bath shouldn't be show either pre or post watershed. It's like some art project.
Amy is going to take Jedward to Sugar Hut! Jodie Marsh will be thrilled. I don't want her to make them into Essex boys. They are fine as they are.
Why are Jedward so dressed up around the house? Don't they just slob around in tracksuit bottoms ever? My boyfriend just said 'aren't they over the luggage allowance?' like they're at Heathrow. I think Jedward have got OCD. Amongst other things.
Paddy doesn't believe in housework! Him and Sally should have their own sitcom. She's so easy to wind up it's unreal. Check out the gnashers on Paddy. He makes Brandon Flower's dentistry look restrained. I like his sunglasses, too.
Lucien Laviscount fancies Amy which is why he's being a little dickhead to her. Mr Paparazzi looks like a fat person with a six pack. That's weird. The word 'banter' really does my fucking nut in. And it makes me think of that horrible Kris thing from Big Brother's past (aka the mightly douche).
Being in a boyband is a good excuse for not having a girlfriend, isn't it? I think they're citing the Cliff Richard defence. Jedward look like they should live in Whoville. They don't need sex. They are above all that shit.
Pamela Hasslehoff looks like Michelle Collins gone wrong, doesn't she? But she can probably do a better Northern accent.
I hope Bobby goes. Sally is a good character. My boyfriend is obsessed with the DR chair looking like the Tennants logo.
Weirdest birthday ever. Did you order Jedward on helium? I feel like I'm on drugs watching this bit. If I actually was on drugs watching it, I think I'd be halfway down the rabbit hole by now.
Jedward; 'we're all breathing the exact same air.' Deep.
Darryn and Paddy are DISCUSSING NOMINATIONS. That Darryn is drunk. Mind you, it is his birthday.
Tara Reid is like some shrivelled up old husk stroking her own nipples. She should be on Celebrity rehab, not this show. She looks like she needs a nice tall glass or water and a big tub of moisturiser.
Get Bobby out. Floaters must die!