I went to a Big Brother party tonight and brought my laptop! That's the kind of guest I am. We are drinking Corkys courtesy of JOTV, there's Haribo courtesy of Adam, and some other goodies, too.
Welcome to the Big Brother house. Modelled on the Countdown set. I don't care about the crates or the lack of furniture or the twists or Davina's gross outfit. Just give us the peoples! Strangely short lack of pre-amble at the beginning. Normally you have to suffer a good fifteen minutes of Davina going on about how amazing the house is.
1st in is Freddie who actually looks alright, I like the posh wankers, they are always good for a giggle. He wasn't as posh as Davina made out anyway.
Lisa, unemployed. Makes straight girls go gay! Hmm, not so much. At least the first two housemates look slightly interesting and like they might start a bit of a ruck. Reminds me of Pete but must just be the mohawk. Remnants of Tracey? Deal with it (urgh).
Sophie. Paris Hilton! She's quite cute. Will Lisa turn her gay? Hmm.
RIP Jade Goody sign! Tasteful.
Kris. Quite good looking, but bound to be a twat, so I'll reserve judgement for now. It's quite an indie crowd so far- I quite like them! Give me someone to hate!
Noirin. A Christian? Is she a Kenyan from Ireland? She's pretty.
Cairon. Science! I like his attitude, he'll either be pure evil or gold. James is calling him Fizzy Rascal. Is that racist?
Very impressed with the housemates so far.
Ahhhhh the first prick. Is that a woman? Fuck me. Dressed as a mime artist. Nice. At least we have someone to hate now.
Karly. Fearne Cotton! She looked better brunette. Crapper than Sophie! She likes footballers. Thought uni was full of weirdos. Good luck in Big Brother.
Marcus. Comic book geek. Set fire to his own face. Good! Nice ponytail. Lovely 2-bar fire.
Beinazir. Narinda! Kinga! Lipliner! I think I might be drunk.
Sophia. Lupus! None of us know what lupus is. Shrieky! Go away!
Rodrigo. pocket-sized gay! He's not gay? Are you sure?
Charlie! Actual gay. Chav. I'm struggling, I have to admit.
Saffia. Instant dislikings to her! Dental nurse/ independant mum. 120%! Lolz.
Sree! Virgin? Union jack shirt! When Morrissey does that, he's called a racist! When Geri Halliwell does that it's just plain bad taste.
Siavash. Nice tash! I made that Salvador Dali joke before Pete Burns.
Our picks to win: Adam: Marcus. Nic: Rodrigo. James: Marcus. JOTV: Rodrigo. Me: Rodrigo. Not much variety.
No disabled people... my friend Adam thinks a disabled person is someone who wears glasses!
I've eaten far too many Skips now. Help!
I like the Diary Room chair! It's lush. Rodrigo is cute! He's not straight. Is he? That first task is hard. Good on Noireen for going for it. Have you ever see so much faffing in all your life.
I thought Davina was amazingly restrained tonight. But then she was being a cock on BBBM. Bring back Jack Whitehall! Kill George Lamb!
So we have to vote the housemates in? Whatevers.
This blog was rubbish; but I took my laptop all the way to Bounds Green for it. I did my best, but the drinks were just too strong. If I get robbed on the way home, I blame you.