Wednesday, 14 January 2009

The news is all you're good for

I haven't had a good rant for a while, so here it is. The Daily Mail. And more specifically, Allison Pearson. Whilst she is the least poisonous of the Plattell/Moir coven, she really does come across as being almost criminally thick as shit, which is just as offensive in it's own way.
Here's the link to her thoughts on the Prince Harry racism video. The only good thing about the online version is at least her photograph is a little more truthful; she's about 15 years younger and 3 stone lighter in the actual paper. It;s like going on a blind date and finding out the other person has gone through the menopause whilst you weren't looking.
Anyway, let's unpick it together.
'Sorry, did I fall asleep and miss the moment when Prince Harry became Alf Garnett?' SORRRWWWWWEEEEE! What a shit start to a column. She's meant to be a professional, she sounds like a 12 year old member of the BNP doing her first ever blog.
'Last time I looked, the young officer was giving out awards at the Children of Courage ceremony with a tact, humour and gentleness that would have made his late mother proud.' What, with a camera in his face? What a saint. I'm sure his mother, who died alongside her Egyptian boyfriend would be thrilled to bits to discover what a liberal, intelligent young man he's turned out to be.
'Now, suddenly, Harry is a wicked racist - make that a thick, ginger-haired Royal racist - who must 'learn a painful lesson' and go on TV to make a public apology for his crime. Have we all gone barking mad?' Yes, SUDDENLY he's a racist. Like SUDDENLY YOU'D be a racist if you went up to your colleague Baz Bambigoyne and called him a n*****. That's how it works. You say something racist; THAT MAKES YOU A RACIST. Have we all gone barking mad? No, just you, love.
'It would seem so, judging by the buckets of vitriol poured over Harry for using the words 'Paki' and 'raghead' in a video made in 2006. While filming fellow cadets, Harry zoomed in on Captain Ahmed Raza Khan saying: 'Ah, our little Paki friend... Ahmed.'
Out of context, his words may shock. But in context, Harry was simply indulging in equal-opportunities Army banter - that's equally offensive to everyone, be they Taff, Paddy, Jock or simply some poor sod saddled with a fat girlfriend.'
Yes, lets all be offensive to everyone! You've got a fat girlfriend? URGH!
'Yes, for people of my generation and older, the word Paki is utterly toxic. It stirs up memories of an ugly and contemptible period in race relations, of skinheads and terrified families with dog mess pushed through the letterbox.
Whether we like it or not, Harry's age group are far less likely to find such jibes offensive. They are also far less likely to be prejudiced. Their sense of humour is edgier. Race is no longer significant to the vast majority of young Britons. These days, it's 'chavs' who have become the hated sub-group.'
Not only is this utter bullshit, it's DANGEROUS bullshit. It's YOUR generation who says 'paki' NOT ours. How DARE you? How dare you say young people fling that word around so casually? That's an outright LIE. I wouldn't say that in a million years; the fact Harry did it ON CAMERA shows not just racism, but utter stupidity. He also used the words 'raghead' (but 'only to describe the Taliban'- as if we can pick and choose what groups to be racist about dependent on their behaviour). I WILL NOT let you SAY THESE THINGS. It is not 'edgy' to be racist. It's appalling. God, the hoo-ha that was made about Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross you'd think they'd gang-raped Baby P, but Harry is allowed to call people 'pakis', 'ragheads' and 'queers' (although the queer comment has been conveniently dropped by the Mail because they care less about gay rights than fucking LIGHTBULBS) and bless him, he's just trying to fit in, just having a gas. NO. IT'S WRONG. I'd like to see this dominating the front pages for weeks like Sachs-gate. But it won't.
She continues; 'If this country were not so self-hating, perhaps we could take a minute to congratulate ourselves on having produced youngsters who are far more colour blind than any previous generation. Harry Wales is among them.' Harry Wales? Is that his name now? Is that a typo? Fucking hell, my blog is more well turned out that this dogshit. Yes, Allison. Prince Harry is so colourblind, he points out people's differences in offensive and unnaceptable language. How proud I am of this country. I must take a second to wonder how Allison would write about some council estate 'yobbos', some 'hoodie chavs', calling some innocent person a 'paki' or a 'raghead'. Oh, aren't they all so inclusive! Look at the comradere! She would beam with joy at this spectacle, obviously. You stupid fucking idiot.
This is my favourite bit; 'He doesn't have a bigoted bone in his body,' says Commando Ben McBean, who lost an arm and a leg fighting the Taliban and shared a flight home with Harry. Ben also happens to be black. Oh, well if a black person who lost an arm and a leg said it, I take it ALL BACK!!!
It goes on and on, but anyway, you get the general idea; she's a thick bitch (and I don't use that word lightly to describe other women) and Harry is an idiotic waste of oxygen, three years ago or ten minutes ago, I don't really give two shits.
I'll leave you with Allison's reason for defending Harry so resolutely:
'Personally, I always had grave doubts about the pampered ginger princeling who swigged cocktails that cost half a nurse's monthly wage. I changed my mind when I saw him at that Children of Courage ceremony.
Harry got down on his knees to greet some profoundly disabled kids so they wouldn't be daunted and so he could make them laugh. There was only one other royal capable of stooping to conquer like that.'
Awww. He stooped down to make some disabled kids laugh. So. Fucking. What.
Allison Pearson; you sicken me. Well done, you actually made my blood boil. And as for Peter McKay who declared earlier in the week 'everyone uses this sort of language behind closed doors in their own home.' I don't. You can be a sick, bigoted fuckhead but don't drag ME into it.
Scum, one and all. This country is self-hating because there's very little to be proud of. That's about it.


Anonymous said...

That was too good. That Baby P line is the funniest thing ever - I think I peed my pants a little.

Ossian said...

have you thought of applying to be the next BBC royal correspondent?

Chris Stokes said...

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant! One of the very finest rants!