Why, hello! I have moved house. It's been a fucking nightmare and I have one cat hiding behind the sofa, but apart from that we're sitting pretty. Big Brother has been great! I have even changed my mind about someone already (Dan). I like changing my mind about things! I have half changed my mind about wanting Gina to go, too. I like Sallie but she really is one note, yap, yap, yap, mouse, cheese, snake. Gina seems to have a sweet side under the mask. But I'm fairly sure she's going to go. It's a shame to lose either.
I'm thrilled Michael is going tonight; he got found out TIME ago. The people's pillock. The people's prick.
Emma looks SO skinny at the moment! Her shoulders are so narrow. She looks like a little boy in that suit. I hope she's OK.
LOL to the sign saying 'hey doc you couch potato' - amazing! His podcast is getting proper famous - good on him. Listen to the Couch Potatoes radio podcast if you're a BB fan, it's fab.
I like Callum now! He is boring, but I don't mind. I think he's a decent bloke - he would be good to have in your corner. He doesn't just blindly agree with a group, and I think he secretly hates Dan, which is a bonus.Oh, Dan, I really liked you. But you're such a smarm bucket! And that hair is unforgivable. We're though.
£80 a night for the Savoy... this isn't helping Gina. I don't really like Hazel, I find her quite stuck up. Her and Dan are always slagging off Sallie behind her back.
WEETABIX advertising. Some casual product placement here. Weetabix is absolutely disgusting. It tastes like cardboard.
Why has Dan got pedal pushers on? Is he a middle aged man? Aw, Dexter walked in the room and EVERYONE left. Boo.
Why are Gina and Sallie wearing the same outfit? Another shit stirring task! Who's ugliest/ prettiest etc? It's the oldest trick in the Big Brother book. That's hilarious that Michael had to choose Dan as sexiest (the public really voted)! Aw, Wolfy, least attractive. I'd say the mum myself. I'd be proud to be voted 'most annoying'.
Jemima is sooooo Vinnie Jones. She's trying to RULE the kitchen. She will be up soon.
Wolfy has been named ugliest and smelliest. Ha. That's what happens when you've got a dreadlock. Don't worry, Wolfy, it's not what Michael thinks, it's just what the whole of the nation thinks. Michael's going to have to be removed for his own safety at this rate. Never mind, Wolfy, at least you're the most unique, right?
Michael is LAUGHING again about making people cry! What a lovely person! What a great guy! KNOB.
Oh Wolfy, save the speeches for the final. Imagine if Wolfy won and then became super slim like Josie? Would she be doing it for the overweight girls then? The girl we vote to win is never the same girl a year later.
Dan vs Jemima! Ding ding. See how he's hovering over her; threatening! Don't get me wrong, I don't particularly like Jemima but I swear Dan thinks he owns the place. He's going to be insufferable when he finds out he was right about Michael. Him and Sallie are both of the 'say it to your face' ie. 'I can be as rude as I fucking like' school of thought. Sometimes it's better to NOT say things to people's face. Sometimes it's better to just shut your fucking mouth. I tell you the problem with Dan: he can't see his own flaws.
'Who goes - it's up to you'. Not as catchy as 'you decide', is it?
That party looks LAME! I've had better office parties.
Does that Sophie ever speak? You have to work hard to be that dull. LOL to Charlie calling Gina an escort! Hahahaha - foot in it! I don't think she meant it maliciously. I like Charlie, actually.
Dan, put some clothes on FFS. I'm sick of seeing you in you in your pants.
Michael has had the BEST day making a young woman cry. What a hero. I can't wait for him to leave either.
'Your fate is sealed.' Strong words. OMG they did evict Sallie! I'm shocked. I wasn't expecting that. This is rubbish, they should have kicked Michael out first, Sallie would have enjoyed that moment - not fair she got denied that moment. Sallie, I'll miss you peeking over your shoulder coquettishly. I would have preferred Gina to go. But I didn't vote so it's partly my fault. I'm sad she's gone when there's so many boring people in that house. I feel a bit deflated. Did she ever even get her suitcase? Can she have it back now?
Shut up, booing idiotic crowd. LOL to Sallie shouting, 'Shut the fuck up!' at the crowd. 'You've been waiting since four to get in here, get a grip.' Brilliant, about time someone gave it back to that crowd. I would have told them that, too. So obvious that someone like her would go out first, a mouthy woman. No one can take it.
At least Dan will have a chunk out of him, losing his sidekick. I'd love to see him up next week. Sallie going 'shut the fuck up' to Emma Willis. Haha. Some people just talk like that. No offense is intended.
Michael times. Acting! DAN IS GLOATING! Did Wolfy just say 'my mum told me about that twist'? WTF? On reflection after rewinding, she said. 'that moth told me about that twist.' Now that makes a LOT more sense. The Mothman Prophecies! Speechless.
You can stop acting now, Michael. Nervous drink! Wolfy's got Sallie's earrings on. Aw, that was sad that Wolfy never said goodbye to him. I think I would be hurt by him. Even though he's an actor, I'd still feel lied to, especially if I considered him a friend.
Micheal should be getting boos! Set Sallie on him. Stop gnawing Emma's wrist. LOL they're sitting him next to Sallie. Brilliant! 'I don't think it's Hollywood for you, babe, more like Towie.' Line of the season, after the moths.
Michael's body language! I want Sallie to lamp him! Michael's twitching. I love it, Michael wasn't expecting Sallie to be sitting in on his interview. He's an actor - Sallie: 'not a very good one.' This is the funniest eviction interview ever.
Are there more secrets and lies than just Michael FFS? We need more than just this, surely? So what if Dan's a detective, Sallie sussed this prick FIRST! Sallie is a legend. This has sealed her place in the annals of BB history. Michael saying he didn't care about shredding Wolfy's prom dress - cruel!
Sallie: 'Is it vote to evict? Well no wonder I went then.' HA! I love her swearing, it's real. She's a normal person.
Michael: 'Wolfy is a lovely girl.' Sallie: 'She doesn't like you. I don't think she ever will.' Ha! I thought Emma was being a bit stuck up towards Sallie. Sallie is a good character. She's naturally funny and she's a loss as a housemate. Michael: not so much. Best eviction interview(s) ever? I think so. Next week the battle lines will be drawn. I think there could be a few up. Just ask the moth.
Friday, 21 June 2013
Monday, 17 June 2013
Big Brother 2013: I'd rather starve than eat your cooking
Hey! Oh the live feed Dexter was wearing a pork pie hat and describing himself as a 'PUA' (pick up artist). I think at least a few of them got their clothes back. Phew. I really thought they'd been shredded. Not. (Yes, i said not.)
Power animals. Talking to the birds. Shut up. I've warmed to Wolfy a bit though. She's nowhere NEAR as bad as Becky. I don't like Sophie. She's too much like Josie and she's not a strong enough character. I'll be open-minded, but at the moment I'm blah on her.
I thought Gina had turned over a new leaf when I saw her proudly washing up glasses, until I realised it was one glass, for herself. You go, girl! This girl is a piece of work. I honestly can't stand her. Another person I can't stand: Michael. Smug, remote, not real. I hate his ears as well. I hate his looks to camera. You're not Harry Hill. You're not even Alex Sibley.
I like Dan! He really reminds me of someone but I don't know who. He's sharp as well, you can tell he's a detective, because he's well onto Michael. I think he could easily win it. People should listen to Dan. He's not a detective for nothing.
Oh, I thought they were showing the nominations earlier, but it's just Michael slagging the others off. The housemates aren't stupid: actually. In fact, I actually like the housemates this year. I like watching them!
As if Michael would sit in the DR and slag EVERYONE off. It's bullshit. No one would do that, like go through every person in the house (well, except Topaz in BB Canada). Also, Michael can't act. 'An Oscar winning actor'. Please!
I think the Gina/ Jemima argument was a bit stupid; Jemima was just stating her preference. She wasn't being racist, in my opinion. Insensitive, maybe. I actually kind of like Jemima. I do think Gina was shit-stirring a bit. I think she saw an opportunity and took it. 'I feel like I've just experienced racism.' What has Jemima saying that got to do with you?
'You probably wouldn't go for a white guy' is a stupid thing for Jemima to say, though. Gina is SPOILING for a fight. I'd be furious if someone called me a racist.
Gina, if you're fighting with everyone, the problem is you, not everyone else. 'I'd rather starve than eat your cooking, it looks rubbish' was quite a funny line, though.
Everyone's faces when the two of them were going at it was funny. Fence sitters, look in the other direction!
Gina: 'is that a threat?' She's the sort of person who winds someone up and just watches them go.
Are they SERIOUSLY giving Jemima a warning for STATING HER SEXUAL PREFERENCE? You gotta be kidding me. 'Big Brother does not tolerate your opinion about who you want to sleep with. Sleep with EVERYONE. Be all inclusive.' Honestly. That is SOME JOKE. Conor is sitting somewhere, epilating his legs and cackling.
Uh oh, the mum can't keep a secret! PUNISH HER.
Live nominations time! ACTING! Why is three nominations, not two? Three is better, though.
Michael has nommed Gina, Dexter and Sallie, predictably. The three biggest characters in the house. LOL to Sallie calling him a dickhead.
Did Michael just tell Sallie to fuck off? Ha. Oh God, he's trying to squeeze a tear out, but he can't do it, just like Obama after Sandy Hook. Just dab your eyes a bit, it worked for him.
I really don't want Dexter and Sallie to go! I'd LOVE to see the back of the odious Gina. I knew the public couldn't be trusted with that decision. The public cannot be trusted with any vote!
Sallie is not helping herself by kicking off. Oh they actually mentioned the live feed at the end! Well done idiots! People might actually watch it now! No one even knows it's fucking on.
A word to the sponsors: I want the chairs that are in the BB house! I looked on Very and you can buy all the cushions and all this other shit, but not the couches! Boo. I think it's cos they're designer and not from Very.
Ooh, btw, I will be blogging and podcasting tomorrow (I hope!) but it will be late as we're going to the cinema! I know, cultured! We aint going to see Superman or any of that shit either! I'm going to lament over Ethan Hawke's gradually crumbling looks and imaginary romance with Julie Delpy. Sw.
Power animals. Talking to the birds. Shut up. I've warmed to Wolfy a bit though. She's nowhere NEAR as bad as Becky. I don't like Sophie. She's too much like Josie and she's not a strong enough character. I'll be open-minded, but at the moment I'm blah on her.
I thought Gina had turned over a new leaf when I saw her proudly washing up glasses, until I realised it was one glass, for herself. You go, girl! This girl is a piece of work. I honestly can't stand her. Another person I can't stand: Michael. Smug, remote, not real. I hate his ears as well. I hate his looks to camera. You're not Harry Hill. You're not even Alex Sibley.
I like Dan! He really reminds me of someone but I don't know who. He's sharp as well, you can tell he's a detective, because he's well onto Michael. I think he could easily win it. People should listen to Dan. He's not a detective for nothing.
Oh, I thought they were showing the nominations earlier, but it's just Michael slagging the others off. The housemates aren't stupid: actually. In fact, I actually like the housemates this year. I like watching them!
As if Michael would sit in the DR and slag EVERYONE off. It's bullshit. No one would do that, like go through every person in the house (well, except Topaz in BB Canada). Also, Michael can't act. 'An Oscar winning actor'. Please!
I think the Gina/ Jemima argument was a bit stupid; Jemima was just stating her preference. She wasn't being racist, in my opinion. Insensitive, maybe. I actually kind of like Jemima. I do think Gina was shit-stirring a bit. I think she saw an opportunity and took it. 'I feel like I've just experienced racism.' What has Jemima saying that got to do with you?
'You probably wouldn't go for a white guy' is a stupid thing for Jemima to say, though. Gina is SPOILING for a fight. I'd be furious if someone called me a racist.
Gina, if you're fighting with everyone, the problem is you, not everyone else. 'I'd rather starve than eat your cooking, it looks rubbish' was quite a funny line, though.
Everyone's faces when the two of them were going at it was funny. Fence sitters, look in the other direction!
Gina: 'is that a threat?' She's the sort of person who winds someone up and just watches them go.
Are they SERIOUSLY giving Jemima a warning for STATING HER SEXUAL PREFERENCE? You gotta be kidding me. 'Big Brother does not tolerate your opinion about who you want to sleep with. Sleep with EVERYONE. Be all inclusive.' Honestly. That is SOME JOKE. Conor is sitting somewhere, epilating his legs and cackling.
Uh oh, the mum can't keep a secret! PUNISH HER.
Live nominations time! ACTING! Why is three nominations, not two? Three is better, though.
Michael has nommed Gina, Dexter and Sallie, predictably. The three biggest characters in the house. LOL to Sallie calling him a dickhead.
Did Michael just tell Sallie to fuck off? Ha. Oh God, he's trying to squeeze a tear out, but he can't do it, just like Obama after Sandy Hook. Just dab your eyes a bit, it worked for him.
I really don't want Dexter and Sallie to go! I'd LOVE to see the back of the odious Gina. I knew the public couldn't be trusted with that decision. The public cannot be trusted with any vote!
Sallie is not helping herself by kicking off. Oh they actually mentioned the live feed at the end! Well done idiots! People might actually watch it now! No one even knows it's fucking on.
A word to the sponsors: I want the chairs that are in the BB house! I looked on Very and you can buy all the cushions and all this other shit, but not the couches! Boo. I think it's cos they're designer and not from Very.
Ooh, btw, I will be blogging and podcasting tomorrow (I hope!) but it will be late as we're going to the cinema! I know, cultured! We aint going to see Superman or any of that shit either! I'm going to lament over Ethan Hawke's gradually crumbling looks and imaginary romance with Julie Delpy. Sw.
Sunday, 16 June 2013
Big Brother 2013: Just shut up
Incidentals: I have hair envy at the woman on the Super Casino advert. Iain Lee was pretty good on BOTS. Rylan's show was quite good also today; more Little Brother than BOTS.
Gina should stop putting make up on because it looks like a mask. No person under 30 needs to wear foundation, in my opinion. I don't know how old she is, but it makes her look old. Her hair is ridiculous too. Mind you, there's a lot of bad, ratty hair in that house (Sallie). All I ever see of Gina is her sitting in the bed, stony-faced, not speaking to anyone.
I love Wolfy laughing at Gina and Sallie pointlessly rowing in the morning. It all seems so staged. I just don't buy any of it. I think I like Dan, they gay cop. He seems like a calming influence.
I like Wolfy and Sallie's friendship. Sallie actually seems to get along with a lot of people in that house. I like Sallie in a lot of ways. She's a rough diamond! Don't get me wrong, she's a tosser as well, but you can't accuse her of being one-dimensional. Mum, whatever your name is, Sallie is not picking on Gina.
Why is Jemina saying what 'attached girls' should wear? I didn't realise there was a separate dress code for single and attached girls! Can I see what's on the list of what I can wear? What a dick. I used to go out in my nightie all the time. Women should NOT BE DICTATING WHAT OTHER WOMEN WEAR. It makes me furious.
Gina is 24!!!! Fucking hell. It's a hard life being a lady of leisure, isn't it? She looks late thirties. Just goes to show what being a sourpuss can do to your face.Typing in your pin number is very ageing.
Sam gives me the creeps. Can we say 'inappropriate'?
Unidentified twin suggesting there's tramps near where Gina lives and suggesting she goes to Kings Cross station to Burger King! Ha.
Callum speaks! It does feel like they've put him in as the anti-Conor, doesn't it? He's like the opposite of an alpha male.
Gina is gross calling Sallie 'trash and garbage.' What makes you worth anything? A few of mummy and daddy's notes in your back pocket? She's just rotten.
Mole talk! Michael is getting on my wick so bad. I just can't be bothered with his bullshit! I'd rather we had another regular housemate. When he talks on the live feed I can't be bothered to listen, because I don't know what's real and what's not. He was talking about his sister earlier. Does he even have a sister? Why should I care about his made up stories?
I saw Sallie being tempted by these stupid sweets on the live feed and it was so obvious that she was going to eat them. If you put a button in there and a sign up saying 'don't push the button' she would push the button, it's just in her nature. She reminds me of Rebeckah from a couple of years back, but she's a bit nicer.
They're obviously not convinced their clothes have been shredded, as they keep going on about getting them back. I want to see their clothes! I want to see Sallie's Suicide-Girls-by-Primark range and Dexter's other blingy pimp shoes. It's boring seeing them slob round in Michael's hoodies.
I saw a bit of this task on live feed too, it was alright but nothing thrilling.
Fucking hell, man, Dexter is worse than Grant Bovey for going on about money. I like Sallie and Gina having sly digs at each other during this task. Has Gina got anything about her other than money? She's got a rock where her heart should be. Twin: 'she could be a man.'
They should have picked 'I don't like fat people' for Michael's secret! It would have been funnier. Michael is 'not in there to make friends'. Even if he warms to people, he won't actually LIKE them. Oh, no, he's just acting! It's just a job. He's only following orders. Knob.
The misery twins moaning again. They're hungry, bored, tired, paranoid, waiting to be evicted. They make the outsiders from last year look like Tom and Alex doing the Macerena.
Ad break. Unorthodox Jukebox, lol. Well done, Bruno. Top marks for douchy album titles.
Even I'm shocked that Wolfy's rent is £260 a month! Where does she live?! Gina so shocked that anyone can be poor and happy. Wolfy seems a lot happier than you, Gina. I kind of feel sorry for super rich people because they're so scared of being poor; it terrifies them. When you have nothing, there's nothing to lose. Gina, Wolfy doesn't want to go shopping with you. Nothing will fit her in Chanel. She's happy with who she is, you should try it.
Sallie and Jemina: joined together by a hatred of Gina. A common enemy to bond against.
Daughter describing Michael as Mr Tumnus. Snigger. I don't buy Gina's tears for poor little Wolfy. Damage control!
No BOTS?
Sorry I've not done a podcast, by the way, if you listen to it, my boyfriend has been working, so it's a bit sucky. We're going to try and do one late Tuesday night, but we're moving house on Wednesday so we'll see how that pans out. We'll be back to being more regular soon, I hope!
Gina should stop putting make up on because it looks like a mask. No person under 30 needs to wear foundation, in my opinion. I don't know how old she is, but it makes her look old. Her hair is ridiculous too. Mind you, there's a lot of bad, ratty hair in that house (Sallie). All I ever see of Gina is her sitting in the bed, stony-faced, not speaking to anyone.
I love Wolfy laughing at Gina and Sallie pointlessly rowing in the morning. It all seems so staged. I just don't buy any of it. I think I like Dan, they gay cop. He seems like a calming influence.
I like Wolfy and Sallie's friendship. Sallie actually seems to get along with a lot of people in that house. I like Sallie in a lot of ways. She's a rough diamond! Don't get me wrong, she's a tosser as well, but you can't accuse her of being one-dimensional. Mum, whatever your name is, Sallie is not picking on Gina.
Why is Jemina saying what 'attached girls' should wear? I didn't realise there was a separate dress code for single and attached girls! Can I see what's on the list of what I can wear? What a dick. I used to go out in my nightie all the time. Women should NOT BE DICTATING WHAT OTHER WOMEN WEAR. It makes me furious.
Gina is 24!!!! Fucking hell. It's a hard life being a lady of leisure, isn't it? She looks late thirties. Just goes to show what being a sourpuss can do to your face.Typing in your pin number is very ageing.
Sam gives me the creeps. Can we say 'inappropriate'?
Unidentified twin suggesting there's tramps near where Gina lives and suggesting she goes to Kings Cross station to Burger King! Ha.
Callum speaks! It does feel like they've put him in as the anti-Conor, doesn't it? He's like the opposite of an alpha male.
Gina is gross calling Sallie 'trash and garbage.' What makes you worth anything? A few of mummy and daddy's notes in your back pocket? She's just rotten.
Mole talk! Michael is getting on my wick so bad. I just can't be bothered with his bullshit! I'd rather we had another regular housemate. When he talks on the live feed I can't be bothered to listen, because I don't know what's real and what's not. He was talking about his sister earlier. Does he even have a sister? Why should I care about his made up stories?
I saw Sallie being tempted by these stupid sweets on the live feed and it was so obvious that she was going to eat them. If you put a button in there and a sign up saying 'don't push the button' she would push the button, it's just in her nature. She reminds me of Rebeckah from a couple of years back, but she's a bit nicer.
They're obviously not convinced their clothes have been shredded, as they keep going on about getting them back. I want to see their clothes! I want to see Sallie's Suicide-Girls-by-Primark range and Dexter's other blingy pimp shoes. It's boring seeing them slob round in Michael's hoodies.
I saw a bit of this task on live feed too, it was alright but nothing thrilling.
Fucking hell, man, Dexter is worse than Grant Bovey for going on about money. I like Sallie and Gina having sly digs at each other during this task. Has Gina got anything about her other than money? She's got a rock where her heart should be. Twin: 'she could be a man.'
They should have picked 'I don't like fat people' for Michael's secret! It would have been funnier. Michael is 'not in there to make friends'. Even if he warms to people, he won't actually LIKE them. Oh, no, he's just acting! It's just a job. He's only following orders. Knob.
The misery twins moaning again. They're hungry, bored, tired, paranoid, waiting to be evicted. They make the outsiders from last year look like Tom and Alex doing the Macerena.
Ad break. Unorthodox Jukebox, lol. Well done, Bruno. Top marks for douchy album titles.
Even I'm shocked that Wolfy's rent is £260 a month! Where does she live?! Gina so shocked that anyone can be poor and happy. Wolfy seems a lot happier than you, Gina. I kind of feel sorry for super rich people because they're so scared of being poor; it terrifies them. When you have nothing, there's nothing to lose. Gina, Wolfy doesn't want to go shopping with you. Nothing will fit her in Chanel. She's happy with who she is, you should try it.
Sallie and Jemina: joined together by a hatred of Gina. A common enemy to bond against.
Daughter describing Michael as Mr Tumnus. Snigger. I don't buy Gina's tears for poor little Wolfy. Damage control!
No BOTS?
Sorry I've not done a podcast, by the way, if you listen to it, my boyfriend has been working, so it's a bit sucky. We're going to try and do one late Tuesday night, but we're moving house on Wednesday so we'll see how that pans out. We'll be back to being more regular soon, I hope!
Saturday, 15 June 2013
Big Brother 2013: 'Are they your own eyes?'
Hello! Here's hoping for a recap under five minutes tonight. I haven't seen the live feed today because I was watching The Voice, although in retrospect, I'd have been better off with this lot of pretentious, self-obsessed show offs instead.
OMG! Gina hit Sallie. I mean, it wasn't much of a hit, but it was contact. I wouldn't like that in there. I don't like people touching me full stop, let alone with aggression. How can they be arguing so soon?! That was the same night Gina went in, right? Seriously, how can anyone wind you up that quickly?!
Wolfy in the shower! Sallie's backhanded compliment to Sophie who was worried about going in the shower: 'Doesn't matter what you look like, babe.' She looks just fine!
Jemina and Barry Styles is the most cringeworthy 'showmance' ever. I can't even look at them, it makes me heave.
Oh, Michael, don't talk to camera, you're hammy enough as it is.
Jemima's job website sounds classy. I think the crux of that conversation is, she's a hairdresser.
Fire in the kitchen! Health and safety. Call Mario. Tweedledum and Tweedledee need feeding. Do these two ever stop moaning? Oh, now they want peace and quiet. They're obsessed with how they're being perceived. The worst type of housemate is a self-conscious misery guts. You'll regret carping your way though the weeks when you get out, but not as much as I'll resent having to watch you.
Ha, Sophie doesn't like Sallie. Not surprising. It would be like befriending a venus flytrap.
New housemates are in (again) now. They seem to be keeping the recap reasonably snappy. I think things are definitely better on the production side this year (except BOTS). Not much of a task when we decided not to shred the new housemates cases. Barely worth the recap, really. ACTING, Michael!
Sallie's quite sharp really, telling them to move away from the couch or Michael would know they'd been watching them. Having someone's mum in there is a bit of a downer, if you ask me. I'd evict her asap.
Dexter's Tuco shoes crack me up. PIMP DADDY.
OMG Gina is sooooo rude. I love the fact no one was replying to her. What a spoilt bitch. You know where the door is. Well, there's a lot of doors, but if you get someone to assist you, you can probably locate the one marked 'exit'.
Tonight's best chat up line: 'are they your own eyes?' Oh, Dexter. I soooo don't want him to get evicted. I think he's the most interesting housemate; him and Sallie, just for the egos. LOL Dexter has a 'hall pass from his girlfriend.' THAT'S now the best chat up line of the night. I don't like Michael making fun of him, though. It's too easy! I don't like Michael's personality. I know he's acting, but he reminds me of that snarky dude off Conspiracy Road Trip.
Sallie to Hazel: 'have you been out with anyone famous'? Let's get down to business, hey?
Oh God, Gina is unbearable. She can't be 4 real. No one could be that stuck up. I think she could be the biggest cunt of all time on Big Brother. How is that humanly possible - just think about some of the contenders for a minute!
Sam: 'you came down with your fucking tits'. OMG the way he speaks to women! He has NO MANNERS. Someone needs to get him in line before he gets a slap in the face or thrown out.
Why would people think you're stuck up, Gina?! You seem so down to earth!
Where's the camera on this fight?! Where's the decent camera angles? How did it even start? Editing!
'Your cheap Primark shoes!' LOL. Do these two know each other or not? Why would there be that much beef on the first night? I don't get it. I feel like we're missing a piece of the puzzle. Why is Gina calling Sallie a tart? She didn't even see the launch night sideboob?
At least this means Gina will be evicted on Friday and not Dexter. You weren't 'shoved into a house' - you signed up! 'Lots of weirdos' it's BIG BROTHER. 13 years of it, we've had, where have you BEEN?! Honestly. Look, seriously, I'll help you find the door. Just fuck off.
Pretty good for a third show, no? Normally at this point I'm still working out names!
OMG! Gina hit Sallie. I mean, it wasn't much of a hit, but it was contact. I wouldn't like that in there. I don't like people touching me full stop, let alone with aggression. How can they be arguing so soon?! That was the same night Gina went in, right? Seriously, how can anyone wind you up that quickly?!
Wolfy in the shower! Sallie's backhanded compliment to Sophie who was worried about going in the shower: 'Doesn't matter what you look like, babe.' She looks just fine!
Jemina and Barry Styles is the most cringeworthy 'showmance' ever. I can't even look at them, it makes me heave.
Oh, Michael, don't talk to camera, you're hammy enough as it is.
Jemima's job website sounds classy. I think the crux of that conversation is, she's a hairdresser.
Fire in the kitchen! Health and safety. Call Mario. Tweedledum and Tweedledee need feeding. Do these two ever stop moaning? Oh, now they want peace and quiet. They're obsessed with how they're being perceived. The worst type of housemate is a self-conscious misery guts. You'll regret carping your way though the weeks when you get out, but not as much as I'll resent having to watch you.
Ha, Sophie doesn't like Sallie. Not surprising. It would be like befriending a venus flytrap.
New housemates are in (again) now. They seem to be keeping the recap reasonably snappy. I think things are definitely better on the production side this year (except BOTS). Not much of a task when we decided not to shred the new housemates cases. Barely worth the recap, really. ACTING, Michael!
Sallie's quite sharp really, telling them to move away from the couch or Michael would know they'd been watching them. Having someone's mum in there is a bit of a downer, if you ask me. I'd evict her asap.
Dexter's Tuco shoes crack me up. PIMP DADDY.
OMG Gina is sooooo rude. I love the fact no one was replying to her. What a spoilt bitch. You know where the door is. Well, there's a lot of doors, but if you get someone to assist you, you can probably locate the one marked 'exit'.
Tonight's best chat up line: 'are they your own eyes?' Oh, Dexter. I soooo don't want him to get evicted. I think he's the most interesting housemate; him and Sallie, just for the egos. LOL Dexter has a 'hall pass from his girlfriend.' THAT'S now the best chat up line of the night. I don't like Michael making fun of him, though. It's too easy! I don't like Michael's personality. I know he's acting, but he reminds me of that snarky dude off Conspiracy Road Trip.
Sallie to Hazel: 'have you been out with anyone famous'? Let's get down to business, hey?
Oh God, Gina is unbearable. She can't be 4 real. No one could be that stuck up. I think she could be the biggest cunt of all time on Big Brother. How is that humanly possible - just think about some of the contenders for a minute!
Sam: 'you came down with your fucking tits'. OMG the way he speaks to women! He has NO MANNERS. Someone needs to get him in line before he gets a slap in the face or thrown out.
Why would people think you're stuck up, Gina?! You seem so down to earth!
Where's the camera on this fight?! Where's the decent camera angles? How did it even start? Editing!
'Your cheap Primark shoes!' LOL. Do these two know each other or not? Why would there be that much beef on the first night? I don't get it. I feel like we're missing a piece of the puzzle. Why is Gina calling Sallie a tart? She didn't even see the launch night sideboob?
At least this means Gina will be evicted on Friday and not Dexter. You weren't 'shoved into a house' - you signed up! 'Lots of weirdos' it's BIG BROTHER. 13 years of it, we've had, where have you BEEN?! Honestly. Look, seriously, I'll help you find the door. Just fuck off.
Pretty good for a third show, no? Normally at this point I'm still working out names!
Friday, 14 June 2013
Big Brother 2013: Launch Night: 'I'm London's most notorious sugar daddy'
Hiya! So I just watched two hours of live feed. Quite good actually, comforting, like an old pair of slippers. I didn't learn a great deal, except the twins have expressions like they've just been told their family have been in a car wreck, and Sam likes girls on bikes with baskets on the front. Still, it's more than I would have known without those crumbs. Mmm, crumbs! Nom nom nom. Honestly, the twins are doing a thousand yard stare and gnawing on their nails. I don't know what's up with them but they have the faces of men off to the gallows.
So, onto tonight. I'm wondering if Michael is going to get Stockholm syndrome and start falling for his housemates? It would be good to see him go on some sort of emotional 'journey' (Dermot™). Are they really calling him 'the people's puppet'? That's so lame.The people's muppet more like. Puppet. Poppets. It's just too much.
I like those round orange chairs, I want one of those. LOL Dexter will buy everyone new stuff (of his choosing). He will buy everyone's friendship with 'male Louboutins'.Dexter: 'I'm London's most notorious sugar daddy. The press hate me.' The press wrote one story about you! No one knows who you are. Stop being a dick. No, don't actually. Be an enormous dick. It's entertaining.
Wolfy is getting on my wick, too. Sam is flirting with Jemima! 'You make my winky expand' is not much of a chat up line. Sam talks just like Glyn. I wonder if he knows how to cook an egg? All will be revealed.
Dexter: 'people shouldn't discriminate against me.' Why, because you're a knob? One thing you can't buy is respect. Unless you're a gangster.
LOL to Sallie going in the DR and slagging off Jemima and Callum already! 'Dexter's a cock.' Ha!
Ha to Dexter trying to sprawl in the Diary Room chair like an insouciant Jeremy Kyle guest. Dexter: you should be grateful Sallie knows about you AT ALL! I can't believe he's arguing with Sallie on the first night. Bad strategy! Weak gameplay.
Good to see Michael as himself. 'ACTING.' You should try it. Oh God, they're not going to make him a real housemate, are they? That would be rubbish.
Jemima is drunk. Barry Styles is picking his nose. Are these two gonna get off? Groo. OMG she tried to kiss him and he backed off. That is SAD. I wouldn't touch a 23 year old with a barge pole. Desperate!
I like the furry purple bench. I can't believe everyone's bitching so much already. I find that uniquely British.
Why is Sallie bothered if Sam gets off with Jemima? It's none of her business! Dexter, the onesie look isn't for you. Thought you were going to have a light then fuck off? Sallie is chief shit stirrer.
New housemates! Oh, a black person. Well done, Big Brother! Gina has an allowance of 10K a month and can't survive on it. Oh dear. Gina, meet Dexter. Rich people are so boring! Bragging about labels and stuff. It really is dull. People shouting 'off' at her, I wondered where all the animals in the crowd were. Maybe they kept them there since last night.
Sallie is going to be thrilled to be knocked off top dog perch. Watch your back, Gina! I think Gina can handle herself, though.
I almost thought Dan was good looking then, then I heard he was a police officer, then I saw his hairline. He's a gay dad. He's got it all going on. All bases covered. It looks like Dan's had a mid season buzzcut already, and that's his going in hair. How does that work?
Not another glamour girl! God. Sallie's head will explode. I thought we were getting smart older housemates this year? This a cookie cutter type housemate. She's like brunette Barbie. Callum's eyes just fell out of his head.
Last night's housemates already look jaded in yesterday's clothes, ha. How quickly you become old news.
Next up is Daley, a part time boxer. He looks quite attractive, but I don't like sporty types. The girls will be after him, no doubt. I don't think you can be crazy AND normal as he professed. They are the opposite of each other. I could see him winning it. He's 'going with the flow'. I hope that flow isn't leading down the rapids. 'Not religious but spiritual'. Oh, fuck off.
Now it's getting interesting though, wondering how all these personalities will mix together.
OK, last housemate. Oh, a mother and daughter! As one housemate. That's weird. Posh. Annoying. I'm not sure how I feel about mothers and daughters in there. Wasn't the last mother and daughter in there Jade and her mum? That didn't end well. That Beyonce song makes me want to punch my own face in. OH, they're not one housemate, they're two! Why? Why can't the twins be individual as well? I don't get it.
Sallie must be upset that everyone coming in today missed her sideboob last night. Sallie's like a Jasmine character a bit, like a tragic child who just needs counselling and instead gets tattoos and has a massive attitude.
Oh God, time for Michael to overact again. So will he shred housemates suitcases for a pizza? Shredder. Pizzas. It's like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. What, WE voted to not shred the new hms suitcases? I didn't vote for that!
So they're telling them that Michael is immune and he chooses the first three up for eviction. So is that true? I guess WE choose, right? I don't think I trust US to choose!
LOL to Emma nearly saying 'Channel 4'. Whoops! All in all, lots of fun. Except I had no wine and I watched it alone, surrounded by cardboard boxes. But that's not Endemol's fault. Is it?
So, onto tonight. I'm wondering if Michael is going to get Stockholm syndrome and start falling for his housemates? It would be good to see him go on some sort of emotional 'journey' (Dermot™). Are they really calling him 'the people's puppet'? That's so lame.The people's muppet more like. Puppet. Poppets. It's just too much.
I like those round orange chairs, I want one of those. LOL Dexter will buy everyone new stuff (of his choosing). He will buy everyone's friendship with 'male Louboutins'.Dexter: 'I'm London's most notorious sugar daddy. The press hate me.' The press wrote one story about you! No one knows who you are. Stop being a dick. No, don't actually. Be an enormous dick. It's entertaining.
Wolfy is getting on my wick, too. Sam is flirting with Jemima! 'You make my winky expand' is not much of a chat up line. Sam talks just like Glyn. I wonder if he knows how to cook an egg? All will be revealed.
Dexter: 'people shouldn't discriminate against me.' Why, because you're a knob? One thing you can't buy is respect. Unless you're a gangster.
LOL to Sallie going in the DR and slagging off Jemima and Callum already! 'Dexter's a cock.' Ha!
Ha to Dexter trying to sprawl in the Diary Room chair like an insouciant Jeremy Kyle guest. Dexter: you should be grateful Sallie knows about you AT ALL! I can't believe he's arguing with Sallie on the first night. Bad strategy! Weak gameplay.
Good to see Michael as himself. 'ACTING.' You should try it. Oh God, they're not going to make him a real housemate, are they? That would be rubbish.
Jemima is drunk. Barry Styles is picking his nose. Are these two gonna get off? Groo. OMG she tried to kiss him and he backed off. That is SAD. I wouldn't touch a 23 year old with a barge pole. Desperate!
I like the furry purple bench. I can't believe everyone's bitching so much already. I find that uniquely British.
Why is Sallie bothered if Sam gets off with Jemima? It's none of her business! Dexter, the onesie look isn't for you. Thought you were going to have a light then fuck off? Sallie is chief shit stirrer.
New housemates! Oh, a black person. Well done, Big Brother! Gina has an allowance of 10K a month and can't survive on it. Oh dear. Gina, meet Dexter. Rich people are so boring! Bragging about labels and stuff. It really is dull. People shouting 'off' at her, I wondered where all the animals in the crowd were. Maybe they kept them there since last night.
Sallie is going to be thrilled to be knocked off top dog perch. Watch your back, Gina! I think Gina can handle herself, though.
I almost thought Dan was good looking then, then I heard he was a police officer, then I saw his hairline. He's a gay dad. He's got it all going on. All bases covered. It looks like Dan's had a mid season buzzcut already, and that's his going in hair. How does that work?
Not another glamour girl! God. Sallie's head will explode. I thought we were getting smart older housemates this year? This a cookie cutter type housemate. She's like brunette Barbie. Callum's eyes just fell out of his head.
Last night's housemates already look jaded in yesterday's clothes, ha. How quickly you become old news.
Next up is Daley, a part time boxer. He looks quite attractive, but I don't like sporty types. The girls will be after him, no doubt. I don't think you can be crazy AND normal as he professed. They are the opposite of each other. I could see him winning it. He's 'going with the flow'. I hope that flow isn't leading down the rapids. 'Not religious but spiritual'. Oh, fuck off.
Now it's getting interesting though, wondering how all these personalities will mix together.
OK, last housemate. Oh, a mother and daughter! As one housemate. That's weird. Posh. Annoying. I'm not sure how I feel about mothers and daughters in there. Wasn't the last mother and daughter in there Jade and her mum? That didn't end well. That Beyonce song makes me want to punch my own face in. OH, they're not one housemate, they're two! Why? Why can't the twins be individual as well? I don't get it.
Sallie must be upset that everyone coming in today missed her sideboob last night. Sallie's like a Jasmine character a bit, like a tragic child who just needs counselling and instead gets tattoos and has a massive attitude.
Oh God, time for Michael to overact again. So will he shred housemates suitcases for a pizza? Shredder. Pizzas. It's like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. What, WE voted to not shred the new hms suitcases? I didn't vote for that!
So they're telling them that Michael is immune and he chooses the first three up for eviction. So is that true? I guess WE choose, right? I don't think I trust US to choose!
LOL to Emma nearly saying 'Channel 4'. Whoops! All in all, lots of fun. Except I had no wine and I watched it alone, surrounded by cardboard boxes. But that's not Endemol's fault. Is it?
Thursday, 13 June 2013
Big Brother 2013: Secrets and Lies
What series is it? I never have a clue. For the amount of different Big Brothers' I watch, my knowledge of the finer details are quite poor. Anyway, this is the first UK series that Emma Willis is presenting, something which is upsetting my boyfriend, an avid Brian Dowling fan. I personally think Emma will do a decent job and I quite like her.
On the face of it, things could be good this time round. There's a new producer, quite a radically different house, live feed (two hours, but you know, it's better than a smack in the face). Rylan also said on The Wright Stuff that the contestants were going to be older, which probably means there are two or three oldies. There's a psych show. All pointing towards a good show, right? So why is this 'launch night split over two shows' making me twitch? I've got a funny feeling it's going to be boys and girls in two different houses like on the Australian show, which we know didn't work from Ziggy's year. I don't like first night twists, I just want to see them interact, but I know that ship has long sailed. Waa waa waa, back in the day. I know. I'm old.
Sponsored by Super Casino! The class goes up and up.
Here we go! Emma looks good. I like her dress and shoes. Her arms look muscly! And she's a fan of the show. She is a bit 'only following orders' but that's OK.
The house looks cool! Look at the doors. It looks like they've spent a few quid on it for once. It's quirky, like a Teletubbies house. The house looks massive! I like the furnishings! I don't like the Diary Room chair, though. It doesn't look comfy. Nice to see round the house though (briefly).
First in are Jack and Joe (Jedward after too many carveries). They don't look 18. They look about 40. What's with those jumpers? Are they one housemate or two? I hate these joint housemates. They are individuals even if they're twins. They laugh like a pair of hyenas.
Next up is Sallie, a firebreathing glamour model. She's got loads of tattoos so that's a bit different from the usual glamour girls. She's more Jodie Marsh than Jordan. Likes beanie hats. Why? DAPPY. OMG look at her outfit! I think she forgot to put her top on. I'd be nervous about hugging her! You'd get done for sexual assault. I'm surprised she didn't get booed more for being so comfortable with herself. I think she might be alright. At least interesting.
Jemima runs a golddiggers website. She looks ropey. Her highlights wouldn't be out of place on a Judge Judy guest. An SJP lookalike! That's nothing to boast about. She could be entertaining, though.
They're drinking out of jam jars. They're taking this eco thing seriously.
Michael is 'a little bit crazy'. He described himself as 'a little bit cute.' I beg to differ. He looks like a frog. Says he has a gameplan. Unless I see it drawn in crayon I'm not interested.
OMG Michael is a MOLE! A real mole! Cool. We've been waiting for that one for a while. I wouldn't like him to stay the whole time though. What if he wins it?
I like the tree house and the garden. WHERE'S THE CHICKENS? Bring back Marjorie! Definitely showing my age now.
Callum is 'laid back with a sharp edge.' Like a razor on the side of the bathtub. He didn't get a Twitter quote come up so I can only presume he's too stupid to use Twitter. This is my idea of hell in a man. Right there. He's a great interviewee! Emma looked at him like 'you freak.' He reminds me of Conor. He reminds me of someone else too, but I can't place it. Callum's favourite 'artist' of all time is Will Smith. What?
Wolfy is up next. Peter Kaye in lesbian form. She's a hippy. She's barefoot and crying. Oh dear. She used the word 'birds' to describe women. Ugh. Do lesbians really do that? If so, we've got no hope as women. Oh no, apparently she meant actual birds. Sorry, Wolfy. She doesn't drink. Always suspicious. She reminds me of Becky from last year, and that's NOOOOOOO good thing. 'Come on, you bastards' was her high point.
Sam. A Welsh Harry Styles. I can't understand what he's saying! Give him some subtitles FFS. Is he deaf? Oops. 'You make my winky expand'. Ugh! 23, he looks about 12. HE'S NOT EVEN CUTE. Oh shit, he really is deaf. Apologies. He still needs subtitles, though.
Sophie: 'people fink that I'm fick.' I wonder why? 'But I'm quite clever actually.' We'll see. She's dressed like a mermaid. Her voice is enough to make you want to punch yourself in the face. Two people within the space of two minutes have described her as gorgeous now. If you say so. I'm so over thick people on BB.
Ad break. Neighbours: the eclipse. That sounds good, ha.
Yeah Dexter looks good, Kenneth Tong the return! Spent £121K in a bar. 28?! He looks about five. He's gonna be an ALMIGHTY douche. He's going to be a great housemate. When he told Emma he had a 'kind heart' I was disappointed. He's got his Butlins coat on! Did he say 'is that legal?' to Sallie's outfit?
How did Michael know where the DR was? PLANT! So does he act in the Diary Room, too? Maybe he's not even Irish. Get him to say 'three' then we'll figure it out.
ACTING! It would be hard to act all the time. As he's finding already. LOL someone just called him a cunt. NO ONE would go in there on the first night and shred all the other housemates clothes: no one. You'd be out on your ear in ten seconds. This 'twist' could fall apart any second.
I hate people who say 'borrowed you' when they mean LEANT, Sallie. It's LEANT, Sallie. Or is it lent?It's underling leant. Either way, it's not 'borrowed you'. EITHER WAY.
Fucking hell man, we could have got a warning for 'My face is eating me alive.' C5 has so turned into C4. They've nicked all their best shows.
It's bollocks that they're shredding all their clothes. It's just empty suitcases. Dexter looks like Rodrigo from a distance. A long distance, as Rodrigo is cute. Let's throw Callum in the shredder to check it's working. There's no WAY their clothes are in there. What if people have got contact lenses and stuff like that? I wouldn't cuddle Michael, I'd be fuming! I'd be wearing his clothes for the rest of the season. Even if they didn't fit.
In a way I think it's good splitting the launch show as sometimes it can be tedious. I wonder if there'll be another mole tomorrow? The only reason I'm pissy about it is because my boyfriend is working tomorrow so we can't watch it together, I know, heartbreaking, get your tiny violin out.
Right we're gonna do a podcast. I did enjoy it, you know! I like Emma! There will be blood. Ooh I just saw 5 mins of BOTS. I didn't expect AJ to speak like that, like Tess Daly. Rylan looks like he's struggling to keep his teeth in, bless him. I miss Jamie East! I never thought you'd hear me say that.
On the face of it, things could be good this time round. There's a new producer, quite a radically different house, live feed (two hours, but you know, it's better than a smack in the face). Rylan also said on The Wright Stuff that the contestants were going to be older, which probably means there are two or three oldies. There's a psych show. All pointing towards a good show, right? So why is this 'launch night split over two shows' making me twitch? I've got a funny feeling it's going to be boys and girls in two different houses like on the Australian show, which we know didn't work from Ziggy's year. I don't like first night twists, I just want to see them interact, but I know that ship has long sailed. Waa waa waa, back in the day. I know. I'm old.
Sponsored by Super Casino! The class goes up and up.
Here we go! Emma looks good. I like her dress and shoes. Her arms look muscly! And she's a fan of the show. She is a bit 'only following orders' but that's OK.
The house looks cool! Look at the doors. It looks like they've spent a few quid on it for once. It's quirky, like a Teletubbies house. The house looks massive! I like the furnishings! I don't like the Diary Room chair, though. It doesn't look comfy. Nice to see round the house though (briefly).
First in are Jack and Joe (Jedward after too many carveries). They don't look 18. They look about 40. What's with those jumpers? Are they one housemate or two? I hate these joint housemates. They are individuals even if they're twins. They laugh like a pair of hyenas.
Next up is Sallie, a firebreathing glamour model. She's got loads of tattoos so that's a bit different from the usual glamour girls. She's more Jodie Marsh than Jordan. Likes beanie hats. Why? DAPPY. OMG look at her outfit! I think she forgot to put her top on. I'd be nervous about hugging her! You'd get done for sexual assault. I'm surprised she didn't get booed more for being so comfortable with herself. I think she might be alright. At least interesting.
Jemima runs a golddiggers website. She looks ropey. Her highlights wouldn't be out of place on a Judge Judy guest. An SJP lookalike! That's nothing to boast about. She could be entertaining, though.
They're drinking out of jam jars. They're taking this eco thing seriously.
Michael is 'a little bit crazy'. He described himself as 'a little bit cute.' I beg to differ. He looks like a frog. Says he has a gameplan. Unless I see it drawn in crayon I'm not interested.
OMG Michael is a MOLE! A real mole! Cool. We've been waiting for that one for a while. I wouldn't like him to stay the whole time though. What if he wins it?
I like the tree house and the garden. WHERE'S THE CHICKENS? Bring back Marjorie! Definitely showing my age now.
Callum is 'laid back with a sharp edge.' Like a razor on the side of the bathtub. He didn't get a Twitter quote come up so I can only presume he's too stupid to use Twitter. This is my idea of hell in a man. Right there. He's a great interviewee! Emma looked at him like 'you freak.' He reminds me of Conor. He reminds me of someone else too, but I can't place it. Callum's favourite 'artist' of all time is Will Smith. What?
Wolfy is up next. Peter Kaye in lesbian form. She's a hippy. She's barefoot and crying. Oh dear. She used the word 'birds' to describe women. Ugh. Do lesbians really do that? If so, we've got no hope as women. Oh no, apparently she meant actual birds. Sorry, Wolfy. She doesn't drink. Always suspicious. She reminds me of Becky from last year, and that's NOOOOOOO good thing. 'Come on, you bastards' was her high point.
Sam. A Welsh Harry Styles. I can't understand what he's saying! Give him some subtitles FFS. Is he deaf? Oops. 'You make my winky expand'. Ugh! 23, he looks about 12. HE'S NOT EVEN CUTE. Oh shit, he really is deaf. Apologies. He still needs subtitles, though.
Sophie: 'people fink that I'm fick.' I wonder why? 'But I'm quite clever actually.' We'll see. She's dressed like a mermaid. Her voice is enough to make you want to punch yourself in the face. Two people within the space of two minutes have described her as gorgeous now. If you say so. I'm so over thick people on BB.
Ad break. Neighbours: the eclipse. That sounds good, ha.
Yeah Dexter looks good, Kenneth Tong the return! Spent £121K in a bar. 28?! He looks about five. He's gonna be an ALMIGHTY douche. He's going to be a great housemate. When he told Emma he had a 'kind heart' I was disappointed. He's got his Butlins coat on! Did he say 'is that legal?' to Sallie's outfit?
How did Michael know where the DR was? PLANT! So does he act in the Diary Room, too? Maybe he's not even Irish. Get him to say 'three' then we'll figure it out.
ACTING! It would be hard to act all the time. As he's finding already. LOL someone just called him a cunt. NO ONE would go in there on the first night and shred all the other housemates clothes: no one. You'd be out on your ear in ten seconds. This 'twist' could fall apart any second.
I hate people who say 'borrowed you' when they mean LEANT, Sallie. It's LEANT, Sallie. Or is it lent?It's underling leant. Either way, it's not 'borrowed you'. EITHER WAY.
Fucking hell man, we could have got a warning for 'My face is eating me alive.' C5 has so turned into C4. They've nicked all their best shows.
It's bollocks that they're shredding all their clothes. It's just empty suitcases. Dexter looks like Rodrigo from a distance. A long distance, as Rodrigo is cute. Let's throw Callum in the shredder to check it's working. There's no WAY their clothes are in there. What if people have got contact lenses and stuff like that? I wouldn't cuddle Michael, I'd be fuming! I'd be wearing his clothes for the rest of the season. Even if they didn't fit.
In a way I think it's good splitting the launch show as sometimes it can be tedious. I wonder if there'll be another mole tomorrow? The only reason I'm pissy about it is because my boyfriend is working tomorrow so we can't watch it together, I know, heartbreaking, get your tiny violin out.
Right we're gonna do a podcast. I did enjoy it, you know! I like Emma! There will be blood. Ooh I just saw 5 mins of BOTS. I didn't expect AJ to speak like that, like Tess Daly. Rylan looks like he's struggling to keep his teeth in, bless him. I miss Jamie East! I never thought you'd hear me say that.
Friday, 7 June 2013
The Voice: Live shows
Hello! I've been a big blog-dry lately but with Big Brother on next week, I thought it was time to get back in the saddle. So these are the live shows? What was the rest of it? I've actually been enjoying The Voice in a very much brain-off sort of a way. The shows are too long, though. And I'd probably enjoy this show more if they hadn't ditched the people I liked pretty much every single round.
Jessie J's bald head suits her, which is surprising as she's got a face like a shovel. Jessie J really reminds me of a dying Jade Goody lately, and the bald head isn't helping. RIP.
Holly's gone for strapless, which is brave. I don't think curvy girls can do strapless, but I'd hate to comment on all the WOMEN'S appearances without slagging off the men. Trouble is, the men are so boring in their appearances that they're barely worth mentioning. What is Reggie doing there again? At least for once it's a man in an utterly pointless supporting role.
I like this Matt guy who looks a bit like will.i.am (no he DOES, I'm not being racist). I like his clothes and he appears to have some real talent. Why are they putting him on first?! Dear Lord, what is this song they've give him? Dreadful. It's like something the Lion King, except not catchy. The song choices have been awful for weeks. They were meant to be able to choose their own songs last week, and the judges just railroaded them into picking the songs they wanted, or just wouldn't put them through to spite them. Tom Jones: 'he kicked it.' Kicked what? The bucket? It was duff, let's just admit it. Jessie J did a boo-boo.
Next up: a Welsh person Tom Jones put through. This is news right up there with Louis Walsh putting an Irish person through. They just ask for the passport and the person doesn't even bother having to sing. Oh, no, sorry, he's Jessie's, my mistake. Can't we have a break from looking at Jessie, please?
This is that fat dude. They've put him in a shirt reminiscent of when Violet Beauregarde blows up in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Is anyone going to do a song we've heard of? This is like me being a judge and getting my acts to all do obscure early Conor Oberst tracks. Simon Cowell wouldn't let this shit fly.
I think Sarah is absolutely beautiful and she was really good last week. Jessie has given out another dire song, like a slowed-down disco song, and put her in some disgusting shiny leggings. She's never going to get through with a song choice like that. Cruel.
So Jessie gets to put one of her own acts though? Why? Why can't we choose now? Jessie J telling the audience off for enjoying themselves. Typically, she put through the person I like the least, Ash. If she hates something, I'm guaranteed to love it and vice versa.
Next up is team Tom... and Alys. Remember Leanne Mitchell who won last year? Well she's like her. Yet another song I've never heard of. I haven't known one song yet. I mean, I know doing Mariah Carey's Hero is a bit old hat, but could we have something middle ground? Something from the past 15 years that's popular? Tom Jones said 'if Alys does touch you emotionally you need to get your emotions looked at.' Tell it to your wife, bitch. I so LOVE someone going on incessantly about their kids.
Next up is Joseph. I'm really getting bored now. His voice isn't bad. Is he a superstar? No.
Next is Mike, the guy who looks like a rapper but sings country. Wonderful. We don't have country music here! Not a niche that needs filling. Go away. Tom Jones looks like he's nodding off in the old people's home again. Tom put through country dude. Zzzz.
Next up is Andrea... oh, God. Lovely voice, shame about the personality and the hair. Mind you, she is blind, the hair isn't really her fault. Seriously, who is styling her? She always looks like she's about to go to the wedding of someone she doesn't like. Danny is bopping about as if something amazing is happening. It isn't. She has a nice voice. That's it. There's no X Factor here, I'm afraid. To say otherwise is patronising. Well done, Andrea, you chose a song. And Danny will put you through. Next!
Mitchell 'loves rock music'. Last week he sung Lady Ant-whatherface, the one about being drunk and making a booty call. I thought that song was a joke the first time I heard it. He also murdered something else recently but I can't remember what it was. Ah... he's reimaging 'Radioactive' by Imagine Dragons. I only like 'It's Time' by them. That song is so good and then all their others are a bit blah. Ooh, they've put wub wubs on it. HE'S GOT RIPPED JEANS ON. He must be rock. CASE CLOSED. His hair is too fine to be rock. Danny's gurning is better best forgotten. Holly had to apologise because Mitchell said 'Jesus Christ.' Are we that sensitive? Dear me. He's not 'a rock star'. He's a pub singer.
I still have no clue why this Karl guy got put straight through last week. He's like a fat Ray Quinn. It's like when Arg gets up to sing in TOWIE and I don't even watch that show. He like a sweatier Tommy Duckworth. I like this song and he's RUINING IT! He's putting zero emotion into it. KEY CHANGE. Oh, he's blaming his earpiece for being out of time.
Danny put Andrea though, as I predicted about ten minutes ago. It can't feel good for her to know he's propping her up, I'd rather the public had a say if I were her.
Will's team has the best people; they're more individual. Will is talking gibberish, have his meds kicked in? Leanne aka Chantelle Houghton is good, I like her. She's quite draggy, but there's just something loveable about her. Her performance is super camp; it reminds me of Rylan, but she can sing, too. I don't like the song but at least it's got a bit of drama to it.
Cleo is doing Imagine. Why? It doesn't suit her and it's an awful song. She oversang it. I like her but that was not the right choice for her.
I like Leah, I think she's cute, she reminds me of Shirley Manson. She looks like she should be in Corrie in the 60s. Oh dear Lord, she's doing a slowed down version of I Will Survive, a song that demands to be sung along to. I was singing along to Cake's version in my car earlier. I like her, but Will's song choices were iffy. I hope she DOES survive.
Will is tweeting the person he's putting through. Cos he's an idiot. Oh it's Leah. Cool. Will hasn't quite got this 'being on TV' thing sorted.
That Tyler guy I didn't like last year is back singing an awful song. He looks stoned. Oh and here's the guy who wears horrible vests. We've had Rylan since you, mate, your services aren't required.
Yay, here's Bo Bruce! A person who actually looks like a popstar. Danny is doing a 'blank-what-is-he-thinking' face and singing the words to her song wrong. I'd like to play poker against this guy. He's almost see-through! I REALLY like Bo's album, I've been listening to it loads. Wow, Leanne looks like she's put on about three stone. My boyfriend said she was fat anyway but I didn't remember her looking like Supernanny. Bo blows her out of the water. Oh God, I can't do the results show as well. I just can't. I'm posting this. I'll tweet a comment on the results AS IF YOU CARE.
Come back Big Brother, quick!
Jessie J's bald head suits her, which is surprising as she's got a face like a shovel. Jessie J really reminds me of a dying Jade Goody lately, and the bald head isn't helping. RIP.
Holly's gone for strapless, which is brave. I don't think curvy girls can do strapless, but I'd hate to comment on all the WOMEN'S appearances without slagging off the men. Trouble is, the men are so boring in their appearances that they're barely worth mentioning. What is Reggie doing there again? At least for once it's a man in an utterly pointless supporting role.
I like this Matt guy who looks a bit like will.i.am (no he DOES, I'm not being racist). I like his clothes and he appears to have some real talent. Why are they putting him on first?! Dear Lord, what is this song they've give him? Dreadful. It's like something the Lion King, except not catchy. The song choices have been awful for weeks. They were meant to be able to choose their own songs last week, and the judges just railroaded them into picking the songs they wanted, or just wouldn't put them through to spite them. Tom Jones: 'he kicked it.' Kicked what? The bucket? It was duff, let's just admit it. Jessie J did a boo-boo.
Next up: a Welsh person Tom Jones put through. This is news right up there with Louis Walsh putting an Irish person through. They just ask for the passport and the person doesn't even bother having to sing. Oh, no, sorry, he's Jessie's, my mistake. Can't we have a break from looking at Jessie, please?
This is that fat dude. They've put him in a shirt reminiscent of when Violet Beauregarde blows up in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Is anyone going to do a song we've heard of? This is like me being a judge and getting my acts to all do obscure early Conor Oberst tracks. Simon Cowell wouldn't let this shit fly.
I think Sarah is absolutely beautiful and she was really good last week. Jessie has given out another dire song, like a slowed-down disco song, and put her in some disgusting shiny leggings. She's never going to get through with a song choice like that. Cruel.
So Jessie gets to put one of her own acts though? Why? Why can't we choose now? Jessie J telling the audience off for enjoying themselves. Typically, she put through the person I like the least, Ash. If she hates something, I'm guaranteed to love it and vice versa.
Next up is team Tom... and Alys. Remember Leanne Mitchell who won last year? Well she's like her. Yet another song I've never heard of. I haven't known one song yet. I mean, I know doing Mariah Carey's Hero is a bit old hat, but could we have something middle ground? Something from the past 15 years that's popular? Tom Jones said 'if Alys does touch you emotionally you need to get your emotions looked at.' Tell it to your wife, bitch. I so LOVE someone going on incessantly about their kids.
Next up is Joseph. I'm really getting bored now. His voice isn't bad. Is he a superstar? No.
Next is Mike, the guy who looks like a rapper but sings country. Wonderful. We don't have country music here! Not a niche that needs filling. Go away. Tom Jones looks like he's nodding off in the old people's home again. Tom put through country dude. Zzzz.
Next up is Andrea... oh, God. Lovely voice, shame about the personality and the hair. Mind you, she is blind, the hair isn't really her fault. Seriously, who is styling her? She always looks like she's about to go to the wedding of someone she doesn't like. Danny is bopping about as if something amazing is happening. It isn't. She has a nice voice. That's it. There's no X Factor here, I'm afraid. To say otherwise is patronising. Well done, Andrea, you chose a song. And Danny will put you through. Next!
Mitchell 'loves rock music'. Last week he sung Lady Ant-whatherface, the one about being drunk and making a booty call. I thought that song was a joke the first time I heard it. He also murdered something else recently but I can't remember what it was. Ah... he's reimaging 'Radioactive' by Imagine Dragons. I only like 'It's Time' by them. That song is so good and then all their others are a bit blah. Ooh, they've put wub wubs on it. HE'S GOT RIPPED JEANS ON. He must be rock. CASE CLOSED. His hair is too fine to be rock. Danny's gurning is better best forgotten. Holly had to apologise because Mitchell said 'Jesus Christ.' Are we that sensitive? Dear me. He's not 'a rock star'. He's a pub singer.
I still have no clue why this Karl guy got put straight through last week. He's like a fat Ray Quinn. It's like when Arg gets up to sing in TOWIE and I don't even watch that show. He like a sweatier Tommy Duckworth. I like this song and he's RUINING IT! He's putting zero emotion into it. KEY CHANGE. Oh, he's blaming his earpiece for being out of time.
Danny put Andrea though, as I predicted about ten minutes ago. It can't feel good for her to know he's propping her up, I'd rather the public had a say if I were her.
Will's team has the best people; they're more individual. Will is talking gibberish, have his meds kicked in? Leanne aka Chantelle Houghton is good, I like her. She's quite draggy, but there's just something loveable about her. Her performance is super camp; it reminds me of Rylan, but she can sing, too. I don't like the song but at least it's got a bit of drama to it.
Cleo is doing Imagine. Why? It doesn't suit her and it's an awful song. She oversang it. I like her but that was not the right choice for her.
I like Leah, I think she's cute, she reminds me of Shirley Manson. She looks like she should be in Corrie in the 60s. Oh dear Lord, she's doing a slowed down version of I Will Survive, a song that demands to be sung along to. I was singing along to Cake's version in my car earlier. I like her, but Will's song choices were iffy. I hope she DOES survive.
Will is tweeting the person he's putting through. Cos he's an idiot. Oh it's Leah. Cool. Will hasn't quite got this 'being on TV' thing sorted.
That Tyler guy I didn't like last year is back singing an awful song. He looks stoned. Oh and here's the guy who wears horrible vests. We've had Rylan since you, mate, your services aren't required.
Yay, here's Bo Bruce! A person who actually looks like a popstar. Danny is doing a 'blank-what-is-he-thinking' face and singing the words to her song wrong. I'd like to play poker against this guy. He's almost see-through! I REALLY like Bo's album, I've been listening to it loads. Wow, Leanne looks like she's put on about three stone. My boyfriend said she was fat anyway but I didn't remember her looking like Supernanny. Bo blows her out of the water. Oh God, I can't do the results show as well. I just can't. I'm posting this. I'll tweet a comment on the results AS IF YOU CARE.
Come back Big Brother, quick!
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