TV: What Katie Did Next

How did Peter and Jordan split their camera crews? Do you think there's some sort of custody agreement? It's funny that in the midst of their very REAL grief at the end of their marriage they both thought to get the whole damn thing on film, isn't it? Well, not so much funny as sick.
So I watched Peter 'dignified silence' Andre's Going it Alone the other week and it was really, really boring. Brave (t.m.) Pete cries! Look how deep his lyrics are! Look at him allude to some secret horror that ended the marriage! Yeah, whatever. He left her. And he's just as big a cash cow as she is. Both of them would sell their grannies for an OK cover. At least she's not pretending otherwise.
That's not to say I'm defending that frozen-faced harridan; I can't fucking stand her. I never understood all this 'oh she's such a good businesswoman' shit; she's just a bit ruthless and got lucky.
So anyway, onto tonight's PR stunt (I mean, show). Oh Jordan is equally boring when she's not got a husband to emasculate. She's her usual cold, monotone self.
Her going to meet her 'publishers' just makes me sick, frankly. If she's a writer, I'm a mountaineer. Oh, she just went to look at pictures of herself. Hand her the cheque, she's worked hard.
Ooh she made the bookings herself to go on holiday! Well done. And she's flying out with no security! Bold. She aint exactly Madonna, is she?
The holiday itself was mind-numbing in the extreme. Jordan posing, Jordan and her hangers on talking shit. Jordan looking through the tabloids at pictures of herself. Zzzzz.
Then she had her Pete tattoo crossed out. Tasteful. I don't really get that because you can still read it; and her kids might think it's a bit odd. She seemed quite steely doing that.
Then she was acting outraged that the paparazzi asked her to go topless! Tsk, she'd never do that, how dare they. Didn't like her friend telling her what to wear out though. If she wants to look like a creasoted stick insect smuggling two beach balls into a scrap of PVC let her get on with it, I say.God, her veneers look bloody enormous and her black hair is too harsh. I get it, she likes horses, but no need to model herself on one.
Actually, this show was more interminable than Peter's one. Fair enough he laid on the 'doting dad' thing a bit thick, but she laid on the caring mother thing a bit TOO thin.
Bring on the BDSMing cage-fighter, I say.

Morrissey on The One Show (I Could Do Both)

I was wondering what to blog about and then this phantasmagorical funk-phenomena lands in my lap. I heard a rumour Mogs was going to be on The One Show last week and said, 'I'll believe it when I see it.' Well now I see it. And it's disturbing!
My cunting freeview missed off the very start of it, but I saw him saying something; anyone know what?
It makes me curious that Morrissey obviously refused to be interviewed by JRo, yet will sit on a couch looking like wants to die talking about unemployment with Adrian Chiles! Did I just write those words? Did someone spike my drink? What the fuck is going on?
The woman presenter (I won't look it up) did NOT know how to handle old Mozzy at all! He wasn't playing her inane game, and she didn't like it! His comment about unemployment: 'I never wanted a job.' Don't they know shit about him? Her saying 'do you have a responsibility to your fans?' and him saying 'no.' I loved him not agreeing with her. His solution to unemployment; paint! Hurrah.
The clips bit was quite good, and people saying nice things about him. I wish they'd asked him for a comment on David Cameron giving him love. Jeremy Vine quoting Every Day is Like Sunday! *washes out ears*
His comment on making videos was interesting, he has very little input and the director just decides. Is that how November Spawned a Monster happened, Moz? Did you not get a little concerned when the hat or the bar of chocolate were brought out?
I agree that he is open and not mysterious; he has always been very honest with his fans through his music.
Good things about this interview: Morrissey saying 'it hasn't.' Morrissey saying 'fascinating'. Morrissey saying 'many, many times.' He loves that stuff! I also liked him saying he 'never had the Manchester accent which was unfortunate.' then laughing.
At the end some freak came on to talk about some old nonsense or other. These in-between clips in the show were the Eastenders equivelent of some great drama occuring in the Queen Vic and then repeatedly cutting to some old rubbish about Big Mo trying to flog some dodgy watches. Morrissey's bemused face at the science guy's utter tosh was a picture. I think he crushed him for life.
Loved his comment about the baby: 'He's very advanced for his years.'
A little birdie told me that he only went on this show because his mum likes it. What next, Dancing on Ice? 8 out of 10 cats? Is he gonna do the coat of cash on The Sunday Night Project? Save us from the flames, Mozzer.
But you know I am still there for life. You know we all are. You bugger!
(PS: I thought Jro (briefly) handled Morrissey beautifully this week, and very much enjoyed the Radio 2 gig despite Best Friend on The Payroll? Oh Morrissey. What next? Papa Jack?)

Orange Unsigned Act: The Interviews

This week I interviewed the Orange Unsigned Act contestants... tonight's installments comes from the bands; Scarlet Harlots and Hip Parade. Enjoy!

Rob from Hip Parade:

1. Who's the best ginger in Eastenders, Bradley or Max?
well Bradley, cos Max is evil! (Max is the dad, yeah?)

2. Have any of you ever worn a dress? How did you look? If not, do you fancy it? Ive not, no... I dont have the legs for it!

3. Have you seen the Loch Ness Monster?
Yes.

4. What does a Hip Parade involve?
Ringing ears, pizza, Irn Bru and lack of sleep!

5. Do you think you can win the show? Will you win it?
We need to win it to get out of our boring day jobs!! We have done all we can to prove ourselves in the show. Its now in the hands of the public!

Tom from Scarlet Harlots:

1. What other colour harlots do you like?
Just as Will Smith said in his heavy 90's tune Miami; '...Real sweet faces, every different nation, Spanish, Hatian, Indian, Jamaican, Black, White, Cuban and Asian." If you're a Harlot, you're in!'

2. Would you rather have a cheese supper with Alex James or a years supply of Dairylea lunchables?
Dairylea. Next question.

3. Have any of you got recognised yet? What happened?
Geoff gets recognised regularly. Some (lovely) girl ran across the road screaming things at him in London the other week, almost at her peril, as the traffic was peaking. A conversation ended with the girl complimenting the whole Scarlet Harlots vibe, so all was good.

4. Is there a Yoko Ono figure in the Scarlet Harlots' story?
Yoko Ono's Flux film offerings were pretty wafty in all honesty! If you're asking about intense female characters in the Harlot hareem, then yes is the answer, but they're there for the right reason!

5. Do you think you can win the show? Will you win it?
We can win the show if people are feeling us. There's way more to us than what you see on stage and your TV. The Harlot bug is spreading and if web numbers are anything to go by, we should make it to the final.

Orange Unsigned Act: Not a catchy name for a show.

How about the Alt. Factor? Indie Idol? I suppose they wanted to squeeze 'orange' in. (That was almost a joke)

FYI: Have I mentioned I like Tommy Reilly? Jo Wiley's face is highly amusing in this. I think she's whispering in that guy's ear that she's got the hots for him.


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I also like Bo Bruce, her voice is lush:


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This blog was sponsored by lightupvirginmary being a ligger. It's all downhill from here, I'll be singing the praises of Michelle Heaton next week if someone gives me 50p and a sausage sandwich. (Don't tell MOZZY!)