How did Peter and Jordan split their camera crews? Do you think there's some sort of custody agreement? It's funny that in the midst of their very REAL grief at the end of their marriage they both thought to get the whole damn thing on film, isn't it? Well, not so much funny as sick.
So I watched Peter 'dignified silence' Andre's Going it Alone the other week and it was really, really boring. Brave (t.m.) Pete cries! Look how deep his lyrics are! Look at him allude to some secret horror that ended the marriage! Yeah, whatever. He left her. And he's just as big a cash cow as she is. Both of them would sell their grannies for an OK cover. At least she's not pretending otherwise.
That's not to say I'm defending that frozen-faced harridan; I can't fucking stand her. I never understood all this 'oh she's such a good businesswoman' shit; she's just a bit ruthless and got lucky.
So anyway, onto tonight's PR stunt (I mean, show). Oh Jordan is equally boring when she's not got a husband to emasculate. She's her usual cold, monotone self.
Her going to meet her 'publishers' just makes me sick, frankly. If she's a writer, I'm a mountaineer. Oh, she just went to look at pictures of herself. Hand her the cheque, she's worked hard.
Ooh she made the bookings herself to go on holiday! Well done. And she's flying out with no security! Bold. She aint exactly Madonna, is she?
The holiday itself was mind-numbing in the extreme. Jordan posing, Jordan and her hangers on talking shit. Jordan looking through the tabloids at pictures of herself. Zzzzz.
Then she had her Pete tattoo crossed out. Tasteful. I don't really get that because you can still read it; and her kids might think it's a bit odd. She seemed quite steely doing that.
Then she was acting outraged that the paparazzi asked her to go topless! Tsk, she'd never do that, how dare they. Didn't like her friend telling her what to wear out though. If she wants to look like a creasoted stick insect smuggling two beach balls into a scrap of PVC let her get on with it, I say.God, her veneers look bloody enormous and her black hair is too harsh. I get it, she likes horses, but no need to model herself on one.
Actually, this show was more interminable than Peter's one. Fair enough he laid on the 'doting dad' thing a bit thick, but she laid on the caring mother thing a bit TOO thin.
Bring on the BDSMing cage-fighter, I say.