Nominations announced. Shabby, dear, it's not all about you. If you can't be bothered to save yourself; there's the door.
Ooh, who will be saved? Who will go on the block instead? There's only one way to find out.
CHEESE task. Is the prize a date with Alex James? Or a sculpture of Alex James, made of cheese. Either would be fab. Bored of this task now. Let's have some action.
Dave is off the block. Great, some more homophobic banter to come. Ooh, he has to pick the person to go up. How to make friends and influence people. GOVAN GOVAN GOVAN! Do it, you fucking coward.
Ooh, he picked Rachael! Harsh. What a wasted opportunity. He should have picked Govan. He'd have been a hero. I don't think he dared. Women hate. Vagina hate. You could have said no if you wanted to. You could have walked away... couldn't you. He should have put Steve up. As they say on BB USA; you got a target on your back now.
I know why Shabby's carping about the noms, because she knows she will go over Fiancee. I want the bitch clique to get picked off one by one. Their late night baths are boring. More Ben and Mario, please.
Govan, you survived that by the skin of your teeth! You could at least be gracious, you little troll.
Urgh, Shabby is such a prat. Ben does have a knack for insulting people but they definitely deserve it. Shabby's having a tantrum! That's decided. I'm going to vote her out. I'm done with her bullshit.
OMG did Dave just claim he cured someone's cancer? Crikey.
Ben, stop apologising to that dickhead. 'I'm often accused of being a ham'. Hehe.
Dave's punishment wasn't exactly major, was it? Favouritism. He read that speech in a very sombre tone.
I noticed Fiancee pulls the exact same confused face as John James. that must be why he likes/hates her so much. I think the problem with her is that in real life people are obviously crawling up her arse 24/7, yet in that house no one respects her. (Ah, she just admitted what I just said two seconds later!) I don't like her little girl act either; I find it very cloying.
John James's attitude STINKS. The way he acts and the games he plays is the kind of stuff you think when you're 15. He's not exactly the Pick Up Artist. He goes on and on and on and on. He talks so much about how he knows himself; he doesn't know shit.
Corin acts like her sun-damaged skin is a shock to her. She must have sat on those sunbeds.
OMG what is up John James's arse. He has got ISHHUUUES. Someone must have given him a dirty look at a sensitive time in his life and it's left a mental scar. It's not that he doesn't like you, Rachael, it's just that he fucking hates you/ wants to fuck you.
Some people just naturally look snooty half the time. I've known loads of people with that habit. FACE POLICE. Don't tell him you fancy him. He's an idiot. Her apologising to him made me cringe. He's rude, aggressive, ignorant.
Oh, and you've got a wedgie.
Showing posts with label alex james. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alex james. Show all posts
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
Saturday, 16 January 2010
Dont watch: Popstar to Operastar
Popstar to operastar! Just as good as American Idol, honest. HA!
Disclaimer: I'm not actually watching this for real, I just thought I'd watch the first one and take the piss. I might end up loving it, but Alan 'ratatatatatah' Titchmarsh and Myleene Klass say otherwise. Who would put those two in charge of running a show? Alone, they have zero charisma. Together, it's a chemistry car-crash. Under no circumstances leave these two in the same room again. Don't say I didn't warn you.
I have a confession to make about Alan Titchmarsh; I thought he was Tony Blackburn up until yesterday. Do they both have daytime TV shows? I don't know. Either way; they're both useless. Ah, Titchmarsh has gone for the Stephen Baldwin 'greased-back' hair look. Is this making a comeback amongst unpopular, overweight middle-aged men or mere coincidence? Myleene is wearing a bit of old curtain. She's as smug and unlikeable as ever.
Katherine 'e-head' Jenkins and someone called Orlando (not Bloom) are the shows 'mentors'. Katherine looks like a Disney princess, but I can't really take her seriously since I saw that News of the World video of her gurning her face off. She must miss it, those raver days, staring into the Klass /Titchmarsh void.
So, who are the contestants, I hear you ask (come on, get involved). Meatloaf! He would do anything for love, oh whatever (I'm still sure it was anal). Laurence Lewellyn Bowen? Hold on, he's not a popstar. He picks out cushions! Oh, hold on, he DJs on Classic FM. OH! Meatloaf and LLB are the JUDGES. This is weird.
OK, now HERE are the contestants. First, Jimmy Osmond. He's not the good one, is he? He's like the Stephen Baldwin of the Osmonds. He looks happy-clappy, like he's going to try and sell you some life insurance. I don't really want to look at him, to be honest.
How am I meant to tell if the singing is good? I don't really understand opera singing, I'm under 50. I'll just go back to castigating personalities.
Meatloaf's first comment was 'that dog was hunting.' Has he gone all Randy Jackson? Talking of American Idol, did you see it? POSH! You scrawny old scrote. She looked like she was trying to arrange her facial expressions to look as unself-conscious as possible; so much so she forgot to give any advice whatsoever. Plus, she failed. She looked awkward and desperate. Get off my screen, you useless old twig. I miss Paula!
I digress. Kym Marsh is next. Does she even still speak to Myleene? Myleene, step away from the kitchen knives. I like Kim Marsh. She seems normal in personality and has a woman's figure. Her voice sounded pretty good to me. This opera singing lark is a piece of piss. Hmm, the old Hearsay crew did seem a bit frosty, like Myleene was trying a bit too hard and Kym couldn't really be fucked with her. But I could be talking out of my arse.
Myleene: 'And for the next contestant, from Blur, who else, Alex James!' Er... Damon Albarn? He was the singer, after all! Alex James was just a smug cunt on bass, as opposed to the smug super-cunt of a lead singer. So he's definitely at a disadvantage, considering he can't sing in the first place. This will be a good chance for all those Orange Unsigned acts to get their revenge on him (he was a judge on it!)
It loathes me to say it but he's not looking too bad for his age, despite all the cheese. He's still working the floppy fringe. He's definitely thinner than when I saw him at the filming of the unsigned show. Maybe he's been on the LowLow.
Alex: 'I'm not giving up the day job'. What is your day job exactly? You're not in Blur anymore. You're just a rich twat making cheese. Just admit it. Actually, he does admit it, I saw him on Cribs once and he was quite proud of it, he was helping run the annual cheese awards, or something. It was bizarre.
OMG! That performance was the funniest thing ever! Alex is the Jedward/Chico of this show! He's got this maniac look in his eye and he's playing air guitar! WTF?! How to blow what very, very little cool you had in one massive swoop! The audience were all laughing at him! Lololololololololololol x a billion! If this is on youtube, look it up immediately, I implore you.
Myleene: 'He lives in a house in the country!' Alex, you have officially sold out. Ta-ra!
Next up is the woman from Shakespeare's Sister! I used to have their album on tape and I used to cane it, but if you'd asked me yesterday, I would not have been able to name that big hit they had (Stay). It's weird how some things just fall out of your brain: I can remember every word of Ugly Kid Joe's 'I Hate Everything About You' (!) Shakespeare's sister has got a turkey neck. I like her hair, though.
Alan Tichmarsh just spoke! He's not said a word for about 45 minutes. Is he getting paid for this shit?
Next is Danny Jones from McFly. I think he's the one who shagged Lindsay Lohan. I should know, he goes on about it often enough in all the low rent magazines I read. He looked like he was going to laugh the whole way through his song. Shame he wasn't as funny as Alex James. Christ this dude is ugly. Can he really be in a boy band? Oh there's the other one in the audience. I take it all back, Danny looks like R.Pattz in comparison.
Talking of bands with no charisma, next is someone from The Saturdays. I've never heard one of their songs. Six top ten singles? And I've not heard one! I am getting old. WOW, she's got a lot of make-up on.
OMG, Darius! Now we're talking. I love Darius. He looks old! That makes me feel old. He looks like he should be sitting by a bar smoking cigarettes and drinking shots in some black and white film. He was quite good actually! Go, Darius! Nessan Dorma it up. Don't crawl up the judges arse, Darius. Meatloaf, sit down, you're making a show of yourself. £50 says Kathryn's not sitting next to him next week. Wow, that Orlando guy has got some amazing eyebrows.
Shit this show is endless. I wonder if opera fans are watching this bemoaning the state of the songs they've chosen. 'Oh, not this one again...'
Last up is Bernie Nolan, who's not the one off Loose Women. Zzzzz. Another turkey neck, but be fair, she's probably about 80.
So in the bottom two were Alex and The Saturdays twonk. And they ditched Alex! Folly. A million unsigned bands cheer. Alex looked quite gutted. He was sent home with a bunch of flowers. You can't make cheese out of that.
Christ, I feel like I've just through about five hours of that. It was epic, and not in a good way. So will I be watching again? Absolutely not! It was total bullshit, and Alex is out, so what's the point? You don't kick out your Jedward. You keep your Jedward until week 6! I'm off for some cheese. Not really, I don't eat cheese! Blap-blergh-bleh, as Morrissey would say. When's Big Brother on?
Disclaimer: I'm not actually watching this for real, I just thought I'd watch the first one and take the piss. I might end up loving it, but Alan 'ratatatatatah' Titchmarsh and Myleene Klass say otherwise. Who would put those two in charge of running a show? Alone, they have zero charisma. Together, it's a chemistry car-crash. Under no circumstances leave these two in the same room again. Don't say I didn't warn you.
I have a confession to make about Alan Titchmarsh; I thought he was Tony Blackburn up until yesterday. Do they both have daytime TV shows? I don't know. Either way; they're both useless. Ah, Titchmarsh has gone for the Stephen Baldwin 'greased-back' hair look. Is this making a comeback amongst unpopular, overweight middle-aged men or mere coincidence? Myleene is wearing a bit of old curtain. She's as smug and unlikeable as ever.
Katherine 'e-head' Jenkins and someone called Orlando (not Bloom) are the shows 'mentors'. Katherine looks like a Disney princess, but I can't really take her seriously since I saw that News of the World video of her gurning her face off. She must miss it, those raver days, staring into the Klass /Titchmarsh void.
So, who are the contestants, I hear you ask (come on, get involved). Meatloaf! He would do anything for love, oh whatever (I'm still sure it was anal). Laurence Lewellyn Bowen? Hold on, he's not a popstar. He picks out cushions! Oh, hold on, he DJs on Classic FM. OH! Meatloaf and LLB are the JUDGES. This is weird.
OK, now HERE are the contestants. First, Jimmy Osmond. He's not the good one, is he? He's like the Stephen Baldwin of the Osmonds. He looks happy-clappy, like he's going to try and sell you some life insurance. I don't really want to look at him, to be honest.
How am I meant to tell if the singing is good? I don't really understand opera singing, I'm under 50. I'll just go back to castigating personalities.
Meatloaf's first comment was 'that dog was hunting.' Has he gone all Randy Jackson? Talking of American Idol, did you see it? POSH! You scrawny old scrote. She looked like she was trying to arrange her facial expressions to look as unself-conscious as possible; so much so she forgot to give any advice whatsoever. Plus, she failed. She looked awkward and desperate. Get off my screen, you useless old twig. I miss Paula!
I digress. Kym Marsh is next. Does she even still speak to Myleene? Myleene, step away from the kitchen knives. I like Kim Marsh. She seems normal in personality and has a woman's figure. Her voice sounded pretty good to me. This opera singing lark is a piece of piss. Hmm, the old Hearsay crew did seem a bit frosty, like Myleene was trying a bit too hard and Kym couldn't really be fucked with her. But I could be talking out of my arse.
Myleene: 'And for the next contestant, from Blur, who else, Alex James!' Er... Damon Albarn? He was the singer, after all! Alex James was just a smug cunt on bass, as opposed to the smug super-cunt of a lead singer. So he's definitely at a disadvantage, considering he can't sing in the first place. This will be a good chance for all those Orange Unsigned acts to get their revenge on him (he was a judge on it!)
It loathes me to say it but he's not looking too bad for his age, despite all the cheese. He's still working the floppy fringe. He's definitely thinner than when I saw him at the filming of the unsigned show. Maybe he's been on the LowLow.
Alex: 'I'm not giving up the day job'. What is your day job exactly? You're not in Blur anymore. You're just a rich twat making cheese. Just admit it. Actually, he does admit it, I saw him on Cribs once and he was quite proud of it, he was helping run the annual cheese awards, or something. It was bizarre.
OMG! That performance was the funniest thing ever! Alex is the Jedward/Chico of this show! He's got this maniac look in his eye and he's playing air guitar! WTF?! How to blow what very, very little cool you had in one massive swoop! The audience were all laughing at him! Lololololololololololol x a billion! If this is on youtube, look it up immediately, I implore you.
Myleene: 'He lives in a house in the country!' Alex, you have officially sold out. Ta-ra!
Next up is the woman from Shakespeare's Sister! I used to have their album on tape and I used to cane it, but if you'd asked me yesterday, I would not have been able to name that big hit they had (Stay). It's weird how some things just fall out of your brain: I can remember every word of Ugly Kid Joe's 'I Hate Everything About You' (!) Shakespeare's sister has got a turkey neck. I like her hair, though.
Alan Tichmarsh just spoke! He's not said a word for about 45 minutes. Is he getting paid for this shit?
Next is Danny Jones from McFly. I think he's the one who shagged Lindsay Lohan. I should know, he goes on about it often enough in all the low rent magazines I read. He looked like he was going to laugh the whole way through his song. Shame he wasn't as funny as Alex James. Christ this dude is ugly. Can he really be in a boy band? Oh there's the other one in the audience. I take it all back, Danny looks like R.Pattz in comparison.
Talking of bands with no charisma, next is someone from The Saturdays. I've never heard one of their songs. Six top ten singles? And I've not heard one! I am getting old. WOW, she's got a lot of make-up on.
OMG, Darius! Now we're talking. I love Darius. He looks old! That makes me feel old. He looks like he should be sitting by a bar smoking cigarettes and drinking shots in some black and white film. He was quite good actually! Go, Darius! Nessan Dorma it up. Don't crawl up the judges arse, Darius. Meatloaf, sit down, you're making a show of yourself. £50 says Kathryn's not sitting next to him next week. Wow, that Orlando guy has got some amazing eyebrows.
Shit this show is endless. I wonder if opera fans are watching this bemoaning the state of the songs they've chosen. 'Oh, not this one again...'
Last up is Bernie Nolan, who's not the one off Loose Women. Zzzzz. Another turkey neck, but be fair, she's probably about 80.
So in the bottom two were Alex and The Saturdays twonk. And they ditched Alex! Folly. A million unsigned bands cheer. Alex looked quite gutted. He was sent home with a bunch of flowers. You can't make cheese out of that.
Christ, I feel like I've just through about five hours of that. It was epic, and not in a good way. So will I be watching again? Absolutely not! It was total bullshit, and Alex is out, so what's the point? You don't kick out your Jedward. You keep your Jedward until week 6! I'm off for some cheese. Not really, I don't eat cheese! Blap-blergh-bleh, as Morrissey would say. When's Big Brother on?
Sunday, 25 January 2009
Orange unsigned act final
I'm writing this on my iphone as the generosity of laptop lending on the part of my boyfriend extended to the celeb big brother final and no more. So forgive me for any brevity and schoolgirl errors. Oh and don't EVER buy anything from PC World. But you knew that anyway.
So here we are, and i have this niggling feeling tommy aint gonna win. He just seems like he couldn't win a popular vote. But we'll see.
Alex James mentioning cheese! Check.
The first scarlet harlots song sounded like a right fucking din! Lauren does come off a but stiff on this show, doesn't she? Shame cos I love her on the radio and the culture show.
Mcfly (sorry, I mean Hip Parade) did their usual shouty schtick. Zzzz if they win.
Today they'd covered up tommy's spots which made him look weird and a bit prosthetic. Embrace your flaws! Has he got mascara on?
OMG they MURDERED that Scarlot Harlots song in the studio. They sucked the life right out of it. It sounded like their batteries had run out.
Hip Parade did their second impression of the day; this time The Subways, another faux-rock band that felches off a genuine scene. The judges are showing their age bigging up such radio friendly nonsense.
I was a bit nervous they were going to put a childrens choir or something on tommy's song. But they didn't, so yay.
Amanda ghost said tommy should make his songs easier to understand. How much easier could it be? Perhaps he should rename it 'Gis a call-LOL!' for the really braindead. Honestly, where would Morrissey be if he'd decided to patronise his audience like that? 'Meat is Murder but chicken nuggets taste ace, m8!'
Talking of which, Lily Allens lyrics are deplorable.
Wowee Tommy won! I'm really pleased. Was it down to the foundation? No It's all down to me, obviously!
Phone blogging: I'm just so painfully committed to the sound of my own bullshit.
So here we are, and i have this niggling feeling tommy aint gonna win. He just seems like he couldn't win a popular vote. But we'll see.
Alex James mentioning cheese! Check.
The first scarlet harlots song sounded like a right fucking din! Lauren does come off a but stiff on this show, doesn't she? Shame cos I love her on the radio and the culture show.
Mcfly (sorry, I mean Hip Parade) did their usual shouty schtick. Zzzz if they win.
Today they'd covered up tommy's spots which made him look weird and a bit prosthetic. Embrace your flaws! Has he got mascara on?
OMG they MURDERED that Scarlot Harlots song in the studio. They sucked the life right out of it. It sounded like their batteries had run out.
Hip Parade did their second impression of the day; this time The Subways, another faux-rock band that felches off a genuine scene. The judges are showing their age bigging up such radio friendly nonsense.
I was a bit nervous they were going to put a childrens choir or something on tommy's song. But they didn't, so yay.
Amanda ghost said tommy should make his songs easier to understand. How much easier could it be? Perhaps he should rename it 'Gis a call-LOL!' for the really braindead. Honestly, where would Morrissey be if he'd decided to patronise his audience like that? 'Meat is Murder but chicken nuggets taste ace, m8!'
Talking of which, Lily Allens lyrics are deplorable.
Wowee Tommy won! I'm really pleased. Was it down to the foundation? No It's all down to me, obviously!
Phone blogging: I'm just so painfully committed to the sound of my own bullshit.
Sunday, 18 January 2009
Orange Unsigned Act: Semi Final
Today I got up at the un-godly hour of 8am to go to the semi-final of the Orange Unsigned Act show. Even arriving then though, we missed Alex Zane mentioning Alex James love of cheese and Bo Bruce's song (pretty annoying as she's my second fave). Also, why did Alex James say at the start he wanted to hear something 'new' when they were playing their best songs? Wake up, grandad.
Oh, I take that back as Bo DID play something new. Pretty brave! I liked that song, I wish I'd been there to hear it! She looked good on TV and we saw her wandering round at the Riverside studios and she looked cool, I liked her outfit. Was she at a disadvantage going on first?
So we arrived in time for Scarlet Harlots. I thought they were excellent live, they have really good energy, and are very cool. I think they are the most honest band in the competiton. They seem real. I'm glad they went through.
Hmm, WHY didn't they put Toby Sebastian on first so I missed him instead of Bo? Althought actually, I thought this weeks song WAS his best song. His voice does sound nice in the studio, but nice isn't really what I demand from my indie idols. Still, he did play effortlessly. Not sorry in the slightest to see him go though, unlike Simon Gavin who must be crying into his little beard as we speak.
I thought the judges comments were all pretty lame today. They clearly hadn't been practising their insults in front of the mirror. Alex James calling Toby Sebastian posh was a bit silly, it's not his fault, is it?
I didn't really rate Hip Parade; I know it's unpopular; but I find them a bit generic. I still don't like that putting 'radio' in the title, it's too cynical. They are a bit McFlyish, I think. It's singalong, but it's not for me. I liked his haircut though; I like a bit of ginger.
I thought Tommy Reilly was on fine form today (biased!) He did my favourite song and his voice sounded great. He is a raw talent. I love his face when he gets compliments from the judges; he looks geniunely baffled.
The results! Bit gutted Bo didn't go through; but pleased that Scarlot Harlots did. It's quite telling that The Wombats are less talented than any of the semi-finalists, in my opinion. Can't we take their record deal off them and give it to Bo?
I think it should be noted that all the acts who went through have featured in my blog lately; Bo & Toby should REALLY have answered my interview questions already! I have the POWER. I can make or break you!!!
And with that in mind, Tommy to win. I want to hear his album.
Oh, I take that back as Bo DID play something new. Pretty brave! I liked that song, I wish I'd been there to hear it! She looked good on TV and we saw her wandering round at the Riverside studios and she looked cool, I liked her outfit. Was she at a disadvantage going on first?
So we arrived in time for Scarlet Harlots. I thought they were excellent live, they have really good energy, and are very cool. I think they are the most honest band in the competiton. They seem real. I'm glad they went through.
Hmm, WHY didn't they put Toby Sebastian on first so I missed him instead of Bo? Althought actually, I thought this weeks song WAS his best song. His voice does sound nice in the studio, but nice isn't really what I demand from my indie idols. Still, he did play effortlessly. Not sorry in the slightest to see him go though, unlike Simon Gavin who must be crying into his little beard as we speak.
I thought the judges comments were all pretty lame today. They clearly hadn't been practising their insults in front of the mirror. Alex James calling Toby Sebastian posh was a bit silly, it's not his fault, is it?
I didn't really rate Hip Parade; I know it's unpopular; but I find them a bit generic. I still don't like that putting 'radio' in the title, it's too cynical. They are a bit McFlyish, I think. It's singalong, but it's not for me. I liked his haircut though; I like a bit of ginger.
I thought Tommy Reilly was on fine form today (biased!) He did my favourite song and his voice sounded great. He is a raw talent. I love his face when he gets compliments from the judges; he looks geniunely baffled.
The results! Bit gutted Bo didn't go through; but pleased that Scarlot Harlots did. It's quite telling that The Wombats are less talented than any of the semi-finalists, in my opinion. Can't we take their record deal off them and give it to Bo?
I think it should be noted that all the acts who went through have featured in my blog lately; Bo & Toby should REALLY have answered my interview questions already! I have the POWER. I can make or break you!!!
And with that in mind, Tommy to win. I want to hear his album.
Friday, 16 January 2009
Orange Unsigned Act: The Interviews
This week I interviewed the Orange Unsigned Act contestants... tonight's installments comes from the bands; Scarlet Harlots and Hip Parade. Enjoy!
Rob from Hip Parade:
1. Who's the best ginger in Eastenders, Bradley or Max?
well Bradley, cos Max is evil! (Max is the dad, yeah?)
2. Have any of you ever worn a dress? How did you look? If not, do you fancy it? Ive not, no... I dont have the legs for it!
3. Have you seen the Loch Ness Monster?
Yes.
4. What does a Hip Parade involve?
Ringing ears, pizza, Irn Bru and lack of sleep!
5. Do you think you can win the show? Will you win it?
We need to win it to get out of our boring day jobs!! We have done all we can to prove ourselves in the show. Its now in the hands of the public!
Tom from Scarlet Harlots:
1. What other colour harlots do you like?
Just as Will Smith said in his heavy 90's tune Miami; '...Real sweet faces, every different nation, Spanish, Hatian, Indian, Jamaican, Black, White, Cuban and Asian." If you're a Harlot, you're in!'
2. Would you rather have a cheese supper with Alex James or a years supply of Dairylea lunchables?
Dairylea. Next question.
3. Have any of you got recognised yet? What happened?
Geoff gets recognised regularly. Some (lovely) girl ran across the road screaming things at him in London the other week, almost at her peril, as the traffic was peaking. A conversation ended with the girl complimenting the whole Scarlet Harlots vibe, so all was good.
4. Is there a Yoko Ono figure in the Scarlet Harlots' story?
Yoko Ono's Flux film offerings were pretty wafty in all honesty! If you're asking about intense female characters in the Harlot hareem, then yes is the answer, but they're there for the right reason!
5. Do you think you can win the show? Will you win it?
We can win the show if people are feeling us. There's way more to us than what you see on stage and your TV. The Harlot bug is spreading and if web numbers are anything to go by, we should make it to the final.
Rob from Hip Parade:
1. Who's the best ginger in Eastenders, Bradley or Max?
well Bradley, cos Max is evil! (Max is the dad, yeah?)
2. Have any of you ever worn a dress? How did you look? If not, do you fancy it? Ive not, no... I dont have the legs for it!
3. Have you seen the Loch Ness Monster?
Yes.
4. What does a Hip Parade involve?
Ringing ears, pizza, Irn Bru and lack of sleep!
5. Do you think you can win the show? Will you win it?
We need to win it to get out of our boring day jobs!! We have done all we can to prove ourselves in the show. Its now in the hands of the public!
Tom from Scarlet Harlots:
1. What other colour harlots do you like?
Just as Will Smith said in his heavy 90's tune Miami; '...Real sweet faces, every different nation, Spanish, Hatian, Indian, Jamaican, Black, White, Cuban and Asian." If you're a Harlot, you're in!'
2. Would you rather have a cheese supper with Alex James or a years supply of Dairylea lunchables?
Dairylea. Next question.
3. Have any of you got recognised yet? What happened?
Geoff gets recognised regularly. Some (lovely) girl ran across the road screaming things at him in London the other week, almost at her peril, as the traffic was peaking. A conversation ended with the girl complimenting the whole Scarlet Harlots vibe, so all was good.
4. Is there a Yoko Ono figure in the Scarlet Harlots' story?
Yoko Ono's Flux film offerings were pretty wafty in all honesty! If you're asking about intense female characters in the Harlot hareem, then yes is the answer, but they're there for the right reason!
5. Do you think you can win the show? Will you win it?
We can win the show if people are feeling us. There's way more to us than what you see on stage and your TV. The Harlot bug is spreading and if web numbers are anything to go by, we should make it to the final.
Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Orange Unsigned Act: Not a catchy name for a show.
How about the Alt. Factor? Indie Idol? I suppose they wanted to squeeze 'orange' in. (That was almost a joke)
FYI: Have I mentioned I like Tommy Reilly? Jo Wiley's face is highly amusing in this. I think she's whispering in that guy's ear that she's got the hots for him.
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I also like Bo Bruce, her voice is lush:
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This blog was sponsored by lightupvirginmary being a ligger. It's all downhill from here, I'll be singing the praises of Michelle Heaton next week if someone gives me 50p and a sausage sandwich. (Don't tell MOZZY!)
FYI: Have I mentioned I like Tommy Reilly? Jo Wiley's face is highly amusing in this. I think she's whispering in that guy's ear that she's got the hots for him.
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I also like Bo Bruce, her voice is lush:
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This blog was sponsored by lightupvirginmary being a ligger. It's all downhill from here, I'll be singing the praises of Michelle Heaton next week if someone gives me 50p and a sausage sandwich. (Don't tell MOZZY!)
Sunday, 11 January 2009
Orange UnsignedAct- The wild card edition
Why is there no gap between unsigned and act? I don't like it! I'll get the grammar police onto it right away.
So there was a bit of a change to the format this week with the show taking place live in the studio; not very handy for me, as I taped it and didn't tape the results show which was on later, as I didn't know there was one- dammit. I see Alex James is trying to rework his 90s hairdo; nice try, but the cheese-eating catches up with us all, Alex. You can't fool us that way. And no rubber trousers this week? Sob. I live to see 40-year-old fading Britpoppers in amusing fetish-wear. The record company guy, Simon Gavin (look I wrote his name down and everything) was giving it the whole Peter Jones 'I need you to put my kids through school' schtick tonight. But you have Duffy for that, so no dramas.
Scarlet Harlots were up first; the lead singer wearing a lovely patterned tracksuit top. That song did seem quite appealing; a noisy old catchy mess. I like his Ian Brown posturing and jigging around.
Aw that was a bit cruel when Dennis the Menace's dad said Fangs were too old. They have sunglasses on, so you can't tell that! I have those sunglasses, they cost £2 from Primark and went out of fashion around May this year. I didn't like the song they did today, but I liked some of their other ones, and they were were at least interesting, if a bit derivative. (Did someone force the audience to clap in time like that? That was peculiar) Ageist Alex James said, 'That was a stonking riff, man.' Oh dear. Cos that's how all the kids speak, innit, blud?
I like Klaus Says Buy The Record, he's cute and quirky, like a mini-Patrick Wolf in his shorts. I like the fact he barely looked up during his song. I liked the folkiness and the lyrics (and his hair). He is too niche, though. He took a leaf out of Will Young's book and hit back at the judges; hey, it's worth a try.
Sleeper Cell (awful band name) are mindless pop-rock. Like little boys playing at being a band. The song was catchy, but so's syphilis. I'm too old for this. The name 'Barnaby' speaks for itself, really.
I liked Pyrelli's first audition, but his last one (where he got voted out) was a bit lacklustre. Today he did the acoustic one again I think, which I enjoyed at the time, but he was putting on an American accent at times today, which is a bit rich when he's clearly English and works in a shoe shop. It sounded kind of plodding and 'take her number down, why didn't I?' is a rhyme-shoehorn even Yoda would blanch at.
So I had to look on the website to discover Scarlet Harlot's made it. Hurrah for them, they deserved it. Now if all goes well, I should be attending the live show next week so I should have some behind the scenes info. It aint the Oscars, but it's more fun. If I get to ask Alex James something about cheese, life will be complete.
So there was a bit of a change to the format this week with the show taking place live in the studio; not very handy for me, as I taped it and didn't tape the results show which was on later, as I didn't know there was one- dammit. I see Alex James is trying to rework his 90s hairdo; nice try, but the cheese-eating catches up with us all, Alex. You can't fool us that way. And no rubber trousers this week? Sob. I live to see 40-year-old fading Britpoppers in amusing fetish-wear. The record company guy, Simon Gavin (look I wrote his name down and everything) was giving it the whole Peter Jones 'I need you to put my kids through school' schtick tonight. But you have Duffy for that, so no dramas.
Scarlet Harlots were up first; the lead singer wearing a lovely patterned tracksuit top. That song did seem quite appealing; a noisy old catchy mess. I like his Ian Brown posturing and jigging around.
Aw that was a bit cruel when Dennis the Menace's dad said Fangs were too old. They have sunglasses on, so you can't tell that! I have those sunglasses, they cost £2 from Primark and went out of fashion around May this year. I didn't like the song they did today, but I liked some of their other ones, and they were were at least interesting, if a bit derivative. (Did someone force the audience to clap in time like that? That was peculiar) Ageist Alex James said, 'That was a stonking riff, man.' Oh dear. Cos that's how all the kids speak, innit, blud?
I like Klaus Says Buy The Record, he's cute and quirky, like a mini-Patrick Wolf in his shorts. I like the fact he barely looked up during his song. I liked the folkiness and the lyrics (and his hair). He is too niche, though. He took a leaf out of Will Young's book and hit back at the judges; hey, it's worth a try.
Sleeper Cell (awful band name) are mindless pop-rock. Like little boys playing at being a band. The song was catchy, but so's syphilis. I'm too old for this. The name 'Barnaby' speaks for itself, really.
I liked Pyrelli's first audition, but his last one (where he got voted out) was a bit lacklustre. Today he did the acoustic one again I think, which I enjoyed at the time, but he was putting on an American accent at times today, which is a bit rich when he's clearly English and works in a shoe shop. It sounded kind of plodding and 'take her number down, why didn't I?' is a rhyme-shoehorn even Yoda would blanch at.
So I had to look on the website to discover Scarlet Harlot's made it. Hurrah for them, they deserved it. Now if all goes well, I should be attending the live show next week so I should have some behind the scenes info. It aint the Oscars, but it's more fun. If I get to ask Alex James something about cheese, life will be complete.
Sunday, 4 January 2009
T4: Orange Unsigned Act
In my usual vein of being into things that are aimed at people a decade younger than me, I have very much been enjoying Orange Unsigned Act, or the indie X Factor. I didn't watch it last year, and I wish I had as it's damn good fun. I'm always put off by the collection of snidey cunts who present T4, but if you can bear to sit through two seconds of them, it's worth it for this. Oh, and another warning; the actual show is presented by fake-it-so-real-he-is-beyond-fake Alex Zane. If I can live through his guyliner in place of a personality and his brand-new topman indie gear schtick, then you can. I just like to stick my fingers in my ears until he goes away. It works reasonably well.
So, onto the judges! In Simon Cowell's role is some record company exec guy 'the money' who looks like that sweary bloke from Dead Set crossed with the new Dennis the Menace's dad. Louis Walsh is played by everyone's least favourite member of Blur; Daily-Mail-pandering cheese-enthusiast Alex James. And in Cheryl Cole's shoes, is everyone's favourite member of Kenickie (OK, I have no recollection of the other two) Lauren Laverne. Who could say a bad word about Lauren? Not me. She rocks.
The weird/ best part is some of these bands/ singers are actually very good. I particularly like spotty-but-sweet Tommy Reilly and posh, Princess Diana-a-like Bo Bruce. Today's show saw them supporting McFly! But don't hold that against them.
Toby Sebastian is the dullest of the group; he covered Corrine Bailey Rae recently, so that probably tells you all you need to know. Like a prettier James Blunt, he'd probably go far on the real X Factor. He might even win this if money-dude gets his way. Showed he had no personality whatsoever during the interviewing task. Played a song that was dull beyond belief. Losing in front of his home crowd, as someone who is VERY good at interviews once sang.
Scarlet Harlots (not to be confused with Jamie Oliver's band, the equally awfully-named Scarlet Division) are alright; they are trying DESPERATELY hard to be cool, and succeeding to a degree. The lead singer has an interesting face. They are a bit shambolic but I think that's OK. Today's song sounded a bit ska-ish. Alex Zane was nodding along, so there's the kiss of death. Haha, he of the stupidly-named kids (Geronimo, anyone?) Alex James said they needed a chorus like 'uh oh, we're in trouble' by Shampoo! Their faces were a picture. Oh my god, then Alex James said 'look at me whilst I'm talking to you!'. Rex revival!!! DO YOU LOVE ME, NICOLE? DO YA? DO YA?
This is TV gold.
Tommy Reilly went to meet Scott Mills who is apparently 'influential in music'. And the blandest man on earth. Tommy came across as self-deprecating and charming as usual. I liked the song he played, the guitar was quite Bright Eyes-ey. I like his foghorn style of singing, I like singers with imperfect voices who shout a bit (Conor, Courtney & so on). I really like that song of Tommy's with that lyric of his 'give me a call, you got a phone don't you?' It's so simple, but it just gets lodged in your brain. That's good song-writing for you.
Bo Bruce is cool; she has a great voice and a bad attitude, which is a good combination. I like the way she's a bit posh and arrogant and she doesn't play nice. She definitely has balls. Clashing swords with Lauren Laverne is a little dangerous though; especially when Lauren is voting on your career. I really liked that song Bo sang though, I thought it was pretty catchy. Lauren looked a bit miffied when Bo's friends heckled her. I don't think it was true that Bo's not as good as the others though. I think she's the second best, after Tommy.
The final act in the competition is Hip Parade. They were good in the interview. I don't like their music though. It's catchy, but kiddie rock, I think. A bit crass of them to write a song with 'radio' in the title; as we all know songs with 'radio' in the title get played on the radio lots more than songs that don't. That doesn't make them good.
It was a shame the Scarlet Harlots went. They should have ditched Toby Sebastian, but I'm glad Bo survived. For the vote-back show next week, I'd vote back in Scarlet Harlots or Klaus Says Buy The Record, mainly cos I fancied him (ahem).
PS: Alex James. Lay off the cheese, for fuck's sake, fatty.
So, onto the judges! In Simon Cowell's role is some record company exec guy 'the money' who looks like that sweary bloke from Dead Set crossed with the new Dennis the Menace's dad. Louis Walsh is played by everyone's least favourite member of Blur; Daily-Mail-pandering cheese-enthusiast Alex James. And in Cheryl Cole's shoes, is everyone's favourite member of Kenickie (OK, I have no recollection of the other two) Lauren Laverne. Who could say a bad word about Lauren? Not me. She rocks.
The weird/ best part is some of these bands/ singers are actually very good. I particularly like spotty-but-sweet Tommy Reilly and posh, Princess Diana-a-like Bo Bruce. Today's show saw them supporting McFly! But don't hold that against them.
Toby Sebastian is the dullest of the group; he covered Corrine Bailey Rae recently, so that probably tells you all you need to know. Like a prettier James Blunt, he'd probably go far on the real X Factor. He might even win this if money-dude gets his way. Showed he had no personality whatsoever during the interviewing task. Played a song that was dull beyond belief. Losing in front of his home crowd, as someone who is VERY good at interviews once sang.
Scarlet Harlots (not to be confused with Jamie Oliver's band, the equally awfully-named Scarlet Division) are alright; they are trying DESPERATELY hard to be cool, and succeeding to a degree. The lead singer has an interesting face. They are a bit shambolic but I think that's OK. Today's song sounded a bit ska-ish. Alex Zane was nodding along, so there's the kiss of death. Haha, he of the stupidly-named kids (Geronimo, anyone?) Alex James said they needed a chorus like 'uh oh, we're in trouble' by Shampoo! Their faces were a picture. Oh my god, then Alex James said 'look at me whilst I'm talking to you!'. Rex revival!!! DO YOU LOVE ME, NICOLE? DO YA? DO YA?
This is TV gold.
Tommy Reilly went to meet Scott Mills who is apparently 'influential in music'. And the blandest man on earth. Tommy came across as self-deprecating and charming as usual. I liked the song he played, the guitar was quite Bright Eyes-ey. I like his foghorn style of singing, I like singers with imperfect voices who shout a bit (Conor, Courtney & so on). I really like that song of Tommy's with that lyric of his 'give me a call, you got a phone don't you?' It's so simple, but it just gets lodged in your brain. That's good song-writing for you.
Bo Bruce is cool; she has a great voice and a bad attitude, which is a good combination. I like the way she's a bit posh and arrogant and she doesn't play nice. She definitely has balls. Clashing swords with Lauren Laverne is a little dangerous though; especially when Lauren is voting on your career. I really liked that song Bo sang though, I thought it was pretty catchy. Lauren looked a bit miffied when Bo's friends heckled her. I don't think it was true that Bo's not as good as the others though. I think she's the second best, after Tommy.
The final act in the competition is Hip Parade. They were good in the interview. I don't like their music though. It's catchy, but kiddie rock, I think. A bit crass of them to write a song with 'radio' in the title; as we all know songs with 'radio' in the title get played on the radio lots more than songs that don't. That doesn't make them good.
It was a shame the Scarlet Harlots went. They should have ditched Toby Sebastian, but I'm glad Bo survived. For the vote-back show next week, I'd vote back in Scarlet Harlots or Klaus Says Buy The Record, mainly cos I fancied him (ahem).
PS: Alex James. Lay off the cheese, for fuck's sake, fatty.
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