Review: Desaparecidos live at the Electric Ballroom, Camden

So last week I went to see Conor Oberst perform solo at Barbican, and it was a really lovely gig. A great venue, and a good mixture of Bright Eyes, solo and new songs. White Shoes had me in floods of tears and You are your mother's child had me crying for my pregnant mate who couldn't be there. Even my boyfriend, who was a stand in, and doesn't LOVE Conor, enjoyed it (or at least didn't moan the whole way through). The only downside was it was all seated, and although the view was good, we were a bit far back and you never quite get the atmosphere of a proper gig. I was jolted towards the end gig, though, when Conor said 'my other band is playing next week'. And he didn't mean Bright Eyes, who I've seen numerous times. No, he was talking about Desaparacidos, his best and loudest side project. The band only has one album so it would be guaranteed they would be playing all my favourite songs on it, and they haven’t played for 10 years! But tickets had sold out ages ago. I had to dig around.
After a close call with a conman on Gumtree (don't ever put a request for tickets on there!) I finally got a ticket for £50 on eBay. Quite a lot over the face values of £15 but £15 seemed very low in the first place (it was £30 for Conor solo). I would have paid up to £100 if I'd had the money!
So I met up with the guy selling the ticket outside – thank god he turned up! – and then there I was, at my first ever gig I'd been to alone. I did a smooth manoeuvre to the front; there was a guy at the barrier obviously saving a space for a friend, so I kind of slid into the spot over a period of about five minutes. Come on, you can’t hog barrier, be there, or be usurped. I could tell he was a bit grumpy so I offered him a Tic-Tac (I was on a strict no fluids policy, as I have a pathetically weak bladder) and then I felt I’d made my peace. When his friends did finally turn up there were about 12 of them, so I didn’t feel so bad.
I hadn’t heard of support band Johnny Foreigner, but I admire their name. I think he said, ‘we’re from Chicago’ when he came out in a very-non-Chicago accent, but at the end he admitted they were from Birmingham. I’d describe their sound as a yelpier Bloc Party, and the band had a girl and a black bloke, so it covered all bases. Was good to hear a woman screaming (hold on, that doesn’t sound quite right) and they looked the part. She reminded me of Kylie off Corrie. I enjoyed them and I rarely say that about a support band.
Desa (can I call them that for now, I still struggle to spell it) came on about 9.15, and the place KICKED OFF.
They opened with a new song Left is Right (thanks to Lee who sold me the ticket, because I only had two of the new songs, and he alerted me to two more! I'm a bad fan) and the energy was just crazy. I felt like a young person again!.Conor came out in some hideous stars n stripes sunglasses and the long hair he’s got at the moment and a little stars and stripes neckerchief. I hate his long hair but that’s beside the point. I can honestly say, I think I had the best spot in the house, right in front of where Conor finally came out, and just on the edge of the mad moshpit so whilst I got jostled a fair bit, I didn’t want to kill someone (an occupational hazard at gigs).
Probably the most amazing song was the second one, Happiest Place on Earth, which is one of my favourite songs of all time, it just has the most amazing lyrics, a song about war that you don’t resent for being a song about war. Actually, he’s good at those (see also No one would riot for less and the silly When the President talks to God - notable for me going 'I DOUBT IT!' quite a lot). It was just perfection, and everyone was going mad. I was even headbanging – WTF.
Probably the best thing about Desa is they don’t have any slow songs, every single one is a screamer. So it was a nice contrast to the acoustic gig of the week before. Also, as they only have one album, you knew every song. It’s quite cool to go to a gig where you’ve been listening to that one album for 10 years, never expecting to hear it live, because the band had disbanded. And then when they get back together it’s not a tired old money-making racket like Pulp, for example.
At one point Conor  played the song $$$$ and limp-wristedly threw some money in the air, that never even got as far as the end of the stage, and at the end of the gig, the bouncer stole it! What a git. It was £35 as well because I could see it sitting there (hey big spender) – that would have covered the extra cost of my ticket! Conor also said he'd been shopping on Camden Market; wish I'd gone there that day!
All of the songs were good (there was a Clash cover which I wasn’t fussed on, but it beats Moon Over Kentucky or whatever crap Morrissey normally tries to inflict). But my favourite has to be Man and Wife, The Latter (Damanged Goods). I must have played that song in my car over a thousand times. It’s just pop perfection. So to hear them play it seemed slightly unreal. The crowd was literally bouncing all over the place, I haven’t been to a gig with energy like that in years. And thank fuck I was on the barrier, or I would have had to run for cover.
It was so nice just to be that close to Conor and not to have to worry about anyone else, but just to do exactly what I wanted. I would definitely recommend going to a gig on your own, it’s fun.The crowd was small as well; there wasn't even a queue. I thought Conor fans would have turned out in droves.
I really pray that Desa put out a new album now, Conor is at his best when he’s screaming or heartbroken, and about as far away from a country guitar as possible. He promised to come back sooner, so don't let us down!

Big Brother 13: Why am I crying?

I have an announcement to make: this planet is populated with scumbags. The amount of abuse Benedict has been getting on Twitter for saying THE TRUTH about the vile Conor. I wrote a few back and I've had girls calling think a thick, ugly slut. I find it quite amusing because you can own them by simply spelling a sentence right, but they are giving Benedict serious death threats. It's not acceptable. And it's also scary how anyone can defend that man - I would have thought even his own mother would be ashamed of him.
'It's just about getting to the final for me,' says Conor - cut to Conor walking out the door with a briefcase full of cash.
WOW to Deana sticking it to Becky. A little bit of context for that argument would have been nice.
I love seeing Becky all indignant - FOR THE LAST TIME before they have to winch the wall off and crane her out of there. 'Nothing she'd change about herself' - fucking hell, I'd have a list of about a million.
Deana is acting a little wacky today. I think I like it. Ashleigh, it doesn't matter what you wear, you'll still be a ratty, scabby waste of oxygen. PS: that dress looks gross.
Big Brother: 'Would you like Conor and Luke to stay in the white room forever?' Luke: 'Forever's a long time, but yes.' LOL.
Conor: 'if I won the show, I wouldn't give a fuck about the money.' Conor's doing a serious hard-sell on Luke S, a bit of strong game play there, 'you're more likely to win than me'.
Ashleigh thinks she can leave with her 'head held high'. Only if it's got a bag over it.
I like the way the soldiers cuddled when waiting for the eviction results. They're real friends, who really care.  Everyone else is only out for themselves.
Becky will 'literally' never forget being in the house. Hopefully in time I'll literally forget she existed.
The soldiers are gloating a bit, but I don't blame them. Again, Ashleigh is saved, though? How come?
Quite sweet watching this button bullshit again. My boyfriend was right: Luke had his hands behind his back Family Fortunes style, he wasn't primed and ready to go. It was greed that was his undoing; if he'd just pressed it a second earlier. Conor was seriously sly there.
Why did they tell them they have one minute to take the money. It's obvious to leave it until the last minute.
That was DELICIOUS seeing how close the button press was. 'What about Ashleigh?' What about her? Luke's face when he realised was just brilliant. You leave with NOTHING. I could watch that on a loop for an hour. 'I would have split the money' - bit late to make that deal now. Luke; you leave with NOTHING.
Luke is SO angry. Sobbing like a baby. Why is Ashleigh so happy for Conor? Misjudged, much?
I want to feel sorry for Luke S but I'm laughing too hard. It's not the first time he's been humiliated in that house; and probably wont be the last.
Everyone seemed happy to see Conor leave; shame we had to pay him off first.Yeah take the blood money and fuck off, you hateful prick.
Was Adam even laughing at Luke? There was no camera on him to tell. Deana: 'if I was you I'd be crying right now.' Rub it in, girl!
Scott sussed what was going on straight away. Will Luke S get a few sympathy votes this week?
'What's the house going to be like without Becky and Conor?' Better.
Luke S, you'll always be remembered as a no.1 loser. Conor virtually disowned Luke S's friendship the second he left the house.
Luke S: 'why am I crying?' Because you got played. Because you got fucked over and your ego got hurt.
Everyone saying 'I would/ wouldn't have taken the money' is crap, everyone would have taken that fucking money. I don't blame Conor for taking the money and stabbing Luke in the back. That just showed that everything we knew about him was true. I resent the Big Brother producers for allowing it to happen - it's not just morally wrong, it's virtually corrupt. 
I love Deana telling Luke S to cry. CRY CRY CRY.
Scott has got this situation sussed. Love the soldiers rubbing it in. Deana is enjoying this SO MUCH. Luke looks like he's just been through the wars and back. I think he might need some post-traumatic counselling.
I'm surprised the other housemates arent more pissed off about Con-man taking the money. Do you think they're packing Conor's suitcase nicely or not nicely? I'd pack it Banged Up Abroad style.
The pecking order in that house is really going to change now. Luke is defeated. Deana is powerful. She deserves her moment to revel in this, although it's still not fair Conor got that £££.
At work when we're bitching about someone in the kitchen and they walk into the room we have a secret code phrase to change the subject. These guys should work on that.
Loved the little montage of Luke S pacing around at the end. They really have treated him like the bellend he is since he walked in that door. Oddly, they've treated Conor as if he's the second coming.
The saddest thing, though, was seeing Conor walking out of that house with a smile on his face, happy as as a pig in shit. I hope he gets robbed on the way home. Whatever: I just don't want to look at his fucking ugly face ever again. And I hope Deana sues BB when she gets out for jeapordising her health and safety. And I hope some other things that are probably unprintable on Blogger.

Big Brother 13: At the end of the day, I'm the one with 50K

So let's just get this straight. On a completely arbitrary task; Conor and Luke are given the chance to steal half the prize money; money then don't deserve, the public don't want them to have. A free pass to the final was bad enough; the money is just a final insult to everyone watching. Half the winners money, for nothing. Adam got a TV for his troubles on the last task. Why are these two knob-jockeys getting offered two amazing prizes? The producers haven't just lost their mind, they've basically taken away 'you decide' and changed it to 'fuck you.' If it was £10K I'd say fair enough, but half is just morally wrong, especially the way it was decided how housemates who go into the white room would happen. Unjust, unfair, unreal.
I don't know how Deana remains so calm around Sara. She must be fucking seething. Sara is just an awful person. They did her a favour editing her out for the first month.
Becky: 'I really can't wait to see the back of Deana and Luke A.' Presumptuous much? Ashleigh's enjoyed her past two months; can't say I have. Worst, most morally corrupt Big Brother ever, it's been a hateful experience.
I'm glad Brian is saying 'up to 50K' meaning hopefully they'll get less.
I loved seeing Luke S so irate at this task, it's fucking hilarious. Love the fact Becky and Ashleigh couldn't work out all the answers had 'white' in the title. That made me laugh quite a lot. Luke S has about as much respect for Ashleigh as I do for Conor. Did Ashleigh really think Santa Claus lives in the whitehouse? That task was very funny.
Did Ashleigh sleep through the entirely of school? Conor was actually being quite funny then, trying to psyche Luke S out.
Becky's getting quite booed! GOOD! LITERALLY kick that bitch out of the door; HOW DARE WE? etc. I'd really love to see Becky walk out that door tonight as I'm sure she thinks she's a shoe-in to win,
Luke S's punishment doesn't seem that bad. Has bean!
At least Luke A is brave enough to admit he feels jealous and insecure around Conor. Most people wouldn't have the gumption. He over analyses himself a lot, though.
Luke A is missing 'everyone in the house' - oh and Ashleigh. Can he say Ashleigh's name without yawning?
I'm not convinced Luke A believes in God, but I like the fact he prays anyway, to encourage God to affect the outcome of a gameshow.
YES Becky's a goner. Everyone saw right through your crap. Hope she falls down the stairs. Loving the sign saying 'BMI'. Show that bit where Luke A OWNED her in her best bits.
I think she's actually scrubbed up quite well tonight. Literally counter: 4.
Brian is giving her a bit of a hard time. It's always easier to have a go at the women evictees, isn't it?
Becky is clapping at her own odiousness. What IS a cheese-face?! That was cruel when she pretended to be friends with Deana for a week - what a cunt move.
OH NO Conor got the whole 50K. I honestly though Luke had pressed it first. Talk about cheated: we didn't get any choice in that. We didn't get to see Conor get his comeuppance; we got to see him rewarded. Seeing Luke S so pissed off is quite sweet, though. Conor shouldn't have even been able to say goodbye in my opinion.
How wrong is that seeing him walk out with half of Deana's swag? Fucking disgusting. No matter what happens now he's got one over on her. 
LOL, Conor still lives with his mum and dad. Brian's not had one go at him yet. LOL to that whitewash of Conor vs Deana - not even showing epilator gate. Says it all.
Ooh, they did bring it up. He said sorry in the Diary Room. How about saying sorry to Deana?
Whatever way you dress this up now; even if Deana wins, that fucking scum walked off with half her money. Just wrong, wrong, wrong. I thought Brian was harder on Becky than Conor.
Oh well; at least we don't have to look at Conor anymore. He showed what he was made of: a steaming pile of greedy, misogynistic hate-machine.
Loved the bit when Luke S came back in the house on the live feed and went 'what are you laughing at?' to Adam much. The mighty douche. Out douched by an early man. SUCKA.

Big Brother 13: David Dimblebully

So WTF happened with the White Room yesterday? Wasn't there meant to be some live twist on BOTS? That was the weirdest BOTS ever; cobbled together crap (and I mean more so than usual). Paul Ross is always a a treat, though. So I read on Digital Spy they were gonna give one of them 25K but couldn't risk giving it to Conor because of his racist family's Facebook page. I don't know if that's true though, but we didn't get the show that was billed last night. And I don't trust BB producers as far as I can throw them.
So far the white room has been a damp squib. It's like a toothpaste commercial. What's the difference between the white room and the rest of the house? Just the wallpaper.
There's not much suspense as we already know Sara walked, as we knew the second she arrived.
I just wouldn't even bother showering if it was cold. I could go three days without. Sara's make-up thing is tedious. Who cares about her white face? She has no stamina. She doesn't deserve to win.
God, this series of Big Brother is depressing. And I've got tomorrow off and I'm drunk. And it's still depressing. Walk, Becky, walk. Walk away. Power walk. There's the door. Go seek out your mint banter.
£5 for a whole chicken is quite dear, especially from Morrissons, you can get three cruel battery bleached ones for a tenner.
I love the word 'cahoots'! Oh Deana, shut up. Stop moaning, FFS. They're all humourless pricks. Hold on, where is Scott? He's the only funny person in that house. I don't like 'agreeing to disagree.' I prefer to disagree, loudly.
So Lauren was a chav and Scabby isn't? They don't even have chavs in Jersey. Don't say you hate chavs, Scabby, as they're the only people voting for you. I hate the word chav. It's just classist bollocks.
Who would trust Becky to cut their hair? Scott looks best with his Eminem cut. Anyway, filler. Is Scott allowed to say 'soldier' without getting into trouble with the scum alliance?
If I was in the white room I'd try and think of as many songs as I could with the word white in the title. We just thought of about 20.
Anyone who fancies Prince Harry is blind. End of conversation. How does Scott know about the Queen's sleeping arrangements? Why are they ALWAYS going on about the Queen on Big Brother? Fucking illuminati BULLSHIT. Rodrigo I could tolerate but not this crap. I could go a whole year without ever mentioning that dried up old bitch. Why are these supposed young people so obsessed with her?
Conor is brushing his teeth with shower gel. Hope it's anthrax flavoured; that's white, isn't it?
If Becky says LITERALLY one more time I'm LITERALLY going to eat the rest of these fruit pastilles I have sitting here. Nom.
Most of the boys Ashleigh knows can't get it up? Oh, no, sorry, I think she said most old people can't stand up. Nice.
This dancing task is actually quite good and at least amusing. LOL to Adam's dancing. This task is hard! I can't believe Conor got that! How does Luke A know the dance routine to Love Machine?!
Jump around! 'I'll serve it up like John MCEnroe, if the bitch steps up I'm smacking the ho.' Conor will like that song as it's about VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN.
Deana's was hard! LOL to Becky doing the Beyonce move! That was the funniest thing she'd ever done in the house.
Scott should know his Kylie. Conor is a bit disproportionately angry about this. Mind you, it's a bit out of character, as he's normally such a polite chap. That task was good. We just did three or four Morrissey song mimes to celebrate. I did November Spawned a Monster, obv.
I think Sara's got moany-itis. She's not exactly Damien Echols in solitary confinement; just press the button and leave, you muppet. Mind you, at least Damien Echols didn't have to put up with Conor.
Luke S just made me laugh by answering the phone and going 'the Bucket residence.' Yes, I said it. Luke S just made me laugh. PRESS THE FUCKING BUTTON, SARA, YOU DICK. Is her button broke? She's just worried about vanity. It's not a torture camp.
I'm LITERALLY bored out of my BRAIN. Oh the tension. Who will leave the room? I literally can't guess. So they forced her to stay in that room to do that fake bit of tension? Pathetic. Conor and Luke S must be thrilled Sara's leaving. Annoying bint.
At least Scott's calling it like he sees it. I think he almost did a 'boo woo'. That was such a load of gash. I hope whoever invented this task has been fired. I hope Luke S and Conor stay in there forever and they throw away the key. Conor's doing a bit of gameplay here, saying he needs it more.
This onion cutting up task reminds me of the Beavis and Butthead I watched the other day when Butthead started crying cos he got a bit of onion in his hotdog. That was about 5000% more entertaining than this. It was literally just one joke: 'you were crying - you were moved'. Brilliant. It's making me cry with laughter just thinking about it. I AM drunk.
Sara watches Question Time every week! How come she's so thick? I hate people who are cagey about who they vote for *obviously a Tory*. HAHAHAHA then she admitted it! Her votes are going out the window. Sara is so stupid. LOL, why is she being so touchy about it? Politics fail. She won't give us one reason why she voted for them. Deana won that one. Even Ashleigh mucked in! Amazing. I'd love to have heard her whole hour long politics rant where she specified no particular policy she was interested in.
Well done Sara for using your vote so wisely. I'll be using my vote wisely this week, too. Is she drunk? What paper do you think Sara reads?
Ha, are they going to turn around and blame this on Deana now? For realz? Cos she called you out because you've got nothing to back up your argument? How did you vote: ip, dip, doo? Did you use a crayon?  'Tell me one thing about why you voted Tory' is a FAIR QUESTION. OMG! The injustice. Even Scott is joining in with the witch hunt.
My boyfriend person saying a Scottish person voting Tory is as bad as admitting you're a paedophile. Any questions?

Big Brother 13: Pulling a whitey

Sorry I'm late, was waiting for my drunken partner to return, and he returned a little later than anticipated. And he ticked the 'boo' box on my blog last night. Well, he needs a 'boo woo' box especially for him. BOO WOO. Anyway.
"You can wear you new white shoes in the muddy afternoon," sang Conor Oberst, on one of his loveliest and most underrated solo songs. Meanwhile, back in the land of living hell, Luke S, Conor and Sara, already whining about quitting as she walks in the door to the white room, enter the much hyped white room task, which they couldn't even bother to fix to get one 'outsider' in there so anyone gave a shit. Dur.
I live on white food anyway, so I'd be alright.
I listened to all three hours of the interview with Tom from last year on the Big Brother Gossip show (search on Itunes, I don't want to link cos I don't want to spoilerise BBUSA for myself) at work today. God, he goes on a lot. It was still quite interesting though; like how he wasn't allowed to speak to his family much when they let him out for his granddad's funeral and stuff and all the bits they cut out and stuff.
Becky LITERALLY this and LITERALLY that. Shut it! I wish you weren't there either. Oh Luke A, stop moaning, you're getting on my wick. Have faith in yourself. What sort of soldier are you? A tin one!
They should play some Basshunter in the white room. Eww, eating in the bath.
Oh Deana, stop going on about being fat. It doesn't win you girl votes.
Is Luke kissing Ashleigh's herpes-covered mouth? Romance isn't dead between these two; pasta, spots, cum-rags, it really is love's young dream.
War is a serious matter; the 'soldier' rubbish isn't. Fuck off, Luke, prawny. Is this show extra long tonight? It's extra boring so far.
HORROR CORRIDOR. I wish whoever walked down it would get evaporated. Corridors of glower. I wish there was a secret house in that white corridor, full of the housemates we deserved instead of this rabble.
Scott is a fool for dropping out of the task so eagerly. I think he thinks the public doesn't like him and he doesn't want to win that way. I would like this task 100% more if Scott was in it. I couldn't care less who wins out of Luke S, Conor or Sara.  I hope the white drink they have to drink is spunk.
What's up with Sara? Pull yourself together. It's like 'I survived beyond and back' in that white room. Her lipstick looks good, though. The white room is flattering to the complexion, like the Apprentice boardroom. It reminds me of that Shattered show that Dermot did where they couldn't sleep and all started hallucinating.
I do understand what Luke A is saying about 'I want to be saved legit' but I think he's still seething.
Conor wants to 'give something back.' I hope it's the money if he wins to Refuge. Sara is really bugging me with her quitty attitude. Where's the Deana-style girl power?
Adam looks all young and cheeky when they flash his face up in between sections. That house has dragged him down.
Luke and Scabby are not going to get a flat together. What do you miss about Luke S, Ashleigh? Is it his sparkling wit or his modesty?
Even when Conor's giving someone a pep talk he's argumentative. He's trying to psych them out to leave.
LOL to Deana being expelled from four schools. What for?!
Scott: 'I don't want to be Luke S.' I don't think even Luke S does anymore.
I don't find Ashleigh very domineering. I just find her quite irritating. Wait until Ashleigh sees the photos of Lauren in Nuts magazine; she'll be seething. No one's going to want to see her scabby old bits.
I like the fact Sara is staying in the white room purely for the undies. Can't she just press Luke S's button for him? It's like the bullshit button on Richplanet.net. Do they think we were born yesterday?
Luke looks like the gayest stormtrooper on the Death Star.
What luxuries are they going to get in the white room: cocaine and milkybars? Conor looks like Friar Tuck today. He's being a dick. Who cares about a massage? He's being so childish!
They've very excited about ice cream and marshmallow. Imagine how excited they'd be if they really got cocaine?
Who cares if Sara said she likes stripping? She just said it to get in the house. Luke A and Adam are imaginingthat very scenario.
Ashleigh calling Deana 'a horrible piece of work' and Becky calling her 'disgusting.' Keep talking! Keep digging your jealous little hole, Danielle Lloyd and Jade. Keep dialling, nation.
LOL to 'men want to be me, men want to be with me.' Robot rock! I like it when Deana takes the mickey.
That white room is like an asylum. Are they even going to turn the lights off at night?
Deana's skin isn't looking so hot at the moment, either. I think it's that house, it can't be good having that air con on you, all the time.
White fact fans: In Malice in Wonderland, Danny Dyer plays the white rabbit character called 'Whitey'. Superhans and Dennis Pennis also star. That film rocks.

Big Brother 13: I need to take a paracetemol

If it's not love, then it's the nom-bombs that will bring us together. Friends and family nominations! So why is Conor not up?  Their TVs' broken or what? Remember that time he said he wanted to rape and punch Deana? Remember? Remember? Remember? I'm SURE Brian won't in Conor's eviction interview, especially if he wins the bloody thing.
Deana on Luke A: 'the kiss on his arm is his on off button.' Switch it off, then. I think most people would rather kiss Luke S than Ashleigh.
I'm glad Conor's getting his choice to nominate taken from him. Luke's got his prawn top on again.
The faces were interesting when they found out the friends and family were nominating' who looked excited and who didn't.
LOL to Sara's mum accusing Becky of 'actressing'. That was definitely a personal vote, not a vote for Sara's. Paracete-lols. Hilarious. 'Someone needs to hoover in here by the way.' Gross. Sara's mum would have made a better housemate than Sara. She's said more interesting things in two minutes than Sara's said in the whole series. Weird votes. Senseless tactics. But entertaining.
Adam's mum's English! Why is she wasting votes on Becky and Ashleigh; she should have gone for Conor and Luke S.
Ashleigh's coldsores are ick, and she's a barefaced liar.
Deana's friend DEFINITELY was not allowed to mention epilator-gate. She should have been much harder on him - 'he's not making much effort' - please.
Conor's girlfriend looks too nice for him. How can she stand up for that thing? How come she can mention the fact Deana, Adam and Luke call themselves 'soldiers' but Deana's friend isn't allowed to mention epilator gate? She shouldn't be allowed to mention things like that, or stuff to do with Luke A or Adam if she's not nominating them. Oh, she is nominating Luke A. What 'tricks' is Luke A playing? I hate the way these nominations will be cast as stone-cold facts now, even when they're not, they're just opinions by idiots.
Scott's sister looks kind of cool. Why is she nominating Deana? Luke A is eyeing up Scott's 17 year old sister. Why is Scott's sister nominating Becky as well? How come Scott's sister talks normally? How come Scott's sister is not nominating to benefit Scott's game? It shouldn't be personal nominations; why have they got no tactics?
Becky's sister is a complete bitch like her. She shouldn't be allowed to quote Luke verbatim. The BMI comment is perfectly valid. Becky DOES have no respect for her BMI. Why is Conor laughing?! My boyfriend said 'I'd be proud to hear someone quote me say that.'
I'm pissed off about them all mentioning 'soldier' gate because Deana has been through HELL in that house. Where's the mention of the FUCKING EPILATOR? Cunts! It's totally unfair.
Would have been funny if Luke S's mum had nominated Ashleigh. Adam is not SPITEFUL.
Ashleigh gets her looks from her dad, I see, fucking butt ugly. Thicko with thick nominations. I have been dragged down by these people; dragged down to their level, so I know how Luke A feels.
Luke A shouldn't say he needs 'work on' things because of stuff that people who've spawned children who don't know what an egg or a Nazi is say.
Luke's wife was right to nominate Ashleigh for her being a tattletale.
Why is Luke A sweating so much? He's done nothing wrong. Why would you let other people's opinions affect you so much when you know you're in the right?
Time for Becky to milk Luke S's comments. LUKE S WAS SPOT ON! You don't have any respect for yourself or your weight, you admitted yesterday you had a pile of food hidden under your bed.
The prawn is thrilled because no one nominated him. Yes, the public see this, Ashleigh. They see through YOU. The 'soldiers' thing is a sign of solidarity, an understanding amongst friends.
FUCK OFF BECKY YOU FAT FUCKING THICK FUCK! I HATE YOU SO MUCH! Seriously, I want her to go over Ashleigh. She's just an attention-seeking missle.
Stick to your guns, Luke A. Don't apologise to her. All those insiders do is slag off the outsiders 24/7 and none of them EVER apologise, they just haven't been caught out, so why the hell should Luke have to go crawling round to her as if she's Queen of the fucking house? Fuck her.
I don't even know why Luke A feels so bad. They've said a million times worse, it's just the friends and family weren't allowed to quote it, because it's such an inside job, such a stitch up. Becky IS enjoying every minute, and don't forget that for a second. She's been waiting for this moment to play the victim.
Now my boyfriend is mad at me because he said what Luke A said was disgusting, (contradicting what he said earlier) and I shouted at him, but it wasn't, it was bitchy, but it wasn't that bad, and it's not fair, it's not an even playing field. Luke A is a good person, and Becky is NOT and I can't help getting angry about it and I can't help getting passionate about it.
Luke A IS milking it, though. Don't get me wrong. Argh... I just hate this whole thing, I just hate the injustice of it, it's just so unfair the way the whole thing is so rigged. Once again Conor floats under the radar. 
Ashleigh and Becky really think they're going to walk this eviction. But they're not and I can't wait to see their faces. I don't blame Sara for being confused about her mum's nominations. Her mum nominated selfishly, basically, not for her daughter's benefit. Don't worry about it, Scott.
Uh oh, Deana's drunk. She's making a good point, though. That's what I like about Deana. She doesn't go back on her word because of something someone says; she's always true to herself, in the face of extreme opposition. LOL her impression of Ashleigh was ridiculous but funny.
I think it's a bit (and I hate this word) inappropriate of Sara to say 'I think you're a very attractive guy and I'll be even happier when you get a dick.'
It's not even worth commenting on the shit coming out of Ashleigh's mouth.
Luke A DOES need to stop over-analysing. Just trust that the public aren't stupid. I mean; the public ARE stupid. But they're not THAT stupid. Right?
Oh, save the waterworks, Becky. You wouldn't comment on Luke A's appearance because you'd be thrown out for a hate crime. I hate the insiders taking the piss out of the soldiers thing; because they have NOT had to battle. They have sailed through, wrecking the show along the way. And it's wrong. It's just wrong.

Big Brother 13: I don't even know what morality means

Confession task. My boyfriend thinks Conor is going to confess about hairbrush/epilator gate tonight. Is he fuck!
My boyfriend then just fell asleep at the exact second the opening music to BB began. Everyone's a critic.
LOL to Luke S making excuses about why he stepped down from the task. Bitter little men. Love Luke A saying 'it was more stubbornness than endurance.' It was, and it was ace. He deserves that personal victory. Luke A is very competitive. I think his stamina shows a strength of character that could be in a winner. I can't decide who I want to win out of Luke A, Deana and Adam now. I liked the side of Deana I saw last night but she does flip flop quite a lot. I like it when she's smiling and having fun; it's shame she got stuck in that house with such a bunch of douches. I think I still like Adam the best. He's been the coolest.
Why is Deana suddenly suspicious of Adam? He just said he'd miss her when she'd gone. I think she does get quite paranoid at time. But even I wasn't that convinced with Adam's reassurance of Deana!
This confession task looks quite funny. Adam's admitting to being leery. Conor admits he's been angry, but he's reformed. LOL has BB had a word in his ear? Oh no, he's ashamed of shaving his pubes. Well, I suppose an epilator was involved somehow.
Luke is embarrassed about 'Barbell media'. So he should be. Becky hides food under her bed; groo. There was a bird cheeping under my bed (that my cat had been torturing) the other day and I had to save it's life. THAT was hardcore.
Is Ashleigh too thick to understand what Luke's telling her? It's literally in one ear and out the other, isn't it?
Interesting that Luke A admits to wanking; I do wonder about if that would be quite conflicting when you've not got the 'bits' you'd like to have. I am completely ignorant about that, so it was interesting to hear, and I'd like to know more about that.
What is that jacket Ashleigh's wearing? It looks like a fucking bin bag. 
I want a cuddle off Adam. I reckon he gives good cuds. Scott's getting desperate; he even fancies Adam now. It's EASY to cook a roast. I don't get involved in that leg business, though. I'm breast only.
My boyfriend is asleep with his eyes open now. It's a bit scary!
I wouldn't want a massage off Conor. I wouldn't want him within 100 miles of me, restraining order, please. I like his technique: 'shut up and relax.' Watching him touch Deana's hand made my skin crawl. I've lost interest in this task. They should have shown the confessions on the big screen.
Don't worry about nominating, Conor, because your feral family will be doing it instead. Let me guess who they'll nominate... er...? Deana?

Big Brother 13: Does it come with Freeview?

Scott seems to really be missing Caroline, doesn't he? Ah, and he's slagging off Luke S, too, that's cool. So he says he likes Luke A and Adam but he's sitting on fence still. Could he be the swing vote now Sara's had her ill-judged meltdown?
Scott, Sara and Ashleigh are discussing the economic crisis. Ashleigh doesn't like kids popping out babies as it 'takes her taxes'. What job does she do, again? I doubt if she could operate an electronic toothbrush. Sara's having another attention-seek cry. I get the feeling this girl cries at everything; from Hollyoaks to a picture of a cute puppy.
Ashleigh doesn't care about getting boos. She doesn't care, right? She don't give two flying fucks. Conor: 'I've been saved four times.' Yes, by your extended family, I presume, unless they're letting rapists vote from prison now.
Loving Adam getting to choose the prizes for the competition; especially giving Ashleigh a toilet brush. I love endurance tasks! Giving Conor the spa day was one in the eye too; enjoy your massage, prick.
These endurance tasks are all about ego, or about whether you need a wee or not. I have quite a weak bladder so I could probably only last three hours (about as long as I last at a gig - I have a strict 'no drink, get near the front' policy).
Who's to come off first? My £ is on Becky. Why is Sara doing it in her bikini? She'll be cold later.
Luke was being supportive to Ashleigh; telling her to get off the box. What a prick. Are they arguing as a tactic to annoy the others? Ah, I win my bet. Becky toppled off. All the weak-willed ones quit first.
LOL to Adam trying to psych Conor out. Conor is on the hop. Adam's got him in one spot and he's tearing a strip off him; I love it! Where's Luke A's spine gone? Why has he turned his back on the conversation?
Adam:  'you have no compassion, care.' Conor had no response to that. Wise words from Adam there.
Oh come on, Ashleigh, no one buying your faux DR apology. If you know you're a decent person, why the boos even bother you? I'd laugh at the boos. I know I rub people up the wrong way; when people slag me off on my blog I think it's funny. Don't you understand yourself at all? You're not getting booed for the way you treat Luke S, you're getting booed because you're vile inside and out, and the only thing that ever comes out of your mouth is bile or idiocy.
Do they know Adam picked the prizes? They don't, do they? Adam looks like he's wearing a swimming cossie. There's more at stake here than the prizes on the wall, isn't there?
Why is Adam being sexist about Deana? Girls can stand up just as well as men can. We got feet and legs too, don't we?
No wonder Becky's so fat if that's what she orders for takeaway. Fuck I'm really hungry and there's nothing to eat in my house. I just ate a bag of gummy bears, and I've got a two packs of micro chips - it's hardly a nutritious diet, is it?
Looks like Becky's imaginary food order worked. Someone's going to crack over the Chinese. I hate Chinese, so wouldn't be bothered. I wouldn't even want to smell it.
Is it dangerous not to go wee-wee for 6 hours? I think Luke has twigged it's for immunity.
Good on Deana for giving the boys a run for her money. Luke A: it's a shitty song anyway.' as they try and temp them off the boxes with some turkey-shit pop music.
Endurance tasks are good because they show who's got fighting spirit, who's got determination and who wants it the most. Where did Luke get his poncho from?
Deana has never looked cuter than in that onesie, having a laugh on that box.  She just seems joyous and buoyant, like she's living again.
Scott's got back-envy. He's got a fragile back. I'm not a predator - speak for yourself.
12 hours, man! That's impressive. How have they all changed clothes?! I can think of something Luke S is going to lose: BIG BROTHER.
Conor: 'where's the pride in standing on a box for 12 hours?' It's called determination, you prat. It's called focus. It's called WINNING.
LOL Luke S jumped off because he was hungry. Tired, more like. Props to Luke A, so determined to beat Luke S that he got off a second later. Shame on Deana for quitting! She put on a good show though. Good on you, girl.
Adam should have gone for the £1000 - isn't that more than the TV's worth?
Oh, they did save them some food. Good. Liked Adam's 'much respect', too. Actually a feel-good episode for once. SHOCKER. I hope Adam gets immunity this week. He deserves it.

Big Brother 13: I beat Bono in an arm wrestle

Well, we learnt two things after the main show last night. Caroline is actually unstable - her performance on BOTS was quite disturbing and I suggest she seeks help. And Sara is an annoying droning idiot, as suspected, but confirmed on the evil feed. Deana replied to her diatribe of complete nonsense with utter class. I also enjoyed seeing Adam and Luke just joshing around and getting scared of a moth; it was just very sweet and natural whilst the others were all just stirring their cauldrons of cack. It just underlined that they are both decent blokes and I'm so glad they've got each other in there.
I'm so looking forward to not having to look at Caroline looking like she's got dressed out of the lost property box at school anymore.
Do Ashleigh, Luke, Conor and Becky ever have ANYTHING nice to say about anyone? I pity them; thick as pig shit and rotten to the core.
Scott is floating from side to side quite well, like Sara, at the moment. I hope he makes it to the final.
Conor must be the oldest looking 25-year-old on the planet. This task seems quite funny though. His river dance and Bono lies were actually quite amusing and quite creative. That was the cleverest thing he's done in the whole house.Conor is moaning cos Luke A and Adam haven't wished him happy birthday. Boo woo.
Ashleigh: 'Am I naturally good looking?' Err... Conor on beauty queen Deana: 'Deana's disgusting.' 'Sara's not disgusting.' There's faint praise. May I suggest a trip to Specsavers?
Sara slagging off Caroline for looking like a dog's dinner. Sweet. Sara's mad because Deana paid Caroline a compliment. What the fuck is up Sara's arse? Why is she always trying to catch Deana out? BFF's I don't think. Sara's really gone down in my estimation and she barely went up in it once, anyway. Fake, flip-flopper, boring, stupid. Get to fuck.
Conor plus football = a maelstrom of misogyny.
Luke A's face when the soldiers got saved was lovely. Pure joy. What has Luke S come as, he looks like he's off boating.
Seeing Luke S sweating was very rewarding. He looks like he's been through the wars and back. I'm surprised that the people who voted to save Ashleigh can even operate a phone.
Becky stop running your mouth. You can't work out why Caroline's gone? Div.
I'm glad they kept Luke's moth moment in the highlights, it was cute.
Ashleigh biting her nails - she looks like she's under pressure. But she 'couldn't give two flying fucks.' Never mind, then.
Scott is reassessing his game plan. Be interesting to see who he nominates this week.
I hate Becky in a particularly unique way because of just how wrong she is about everything.
Is Sara cracking onto Luke A? So the cut out that whole bit where she was berating Sara on the live feed for half an hour. EDITINGZ. Groo.

Big Brother 13: Tobler-gone

Forget that fake alien invasion on BBC1, the 'party' is right here on ITV. Caroline doing her hair! That ship has long sailed. Can you think of one person in Britain with worse hair than Caroline? She even makes Conor's hair look civilised.
I can't BELIEVE Caroline is doing a Harry. If you're going to do a master prank, invent your own. And don't inflame the smokers. Do not upset smokers. They will kill you. Ask Nadia.
Caroline: see you later. 'Why would someone spend money on garlic?' Caroline, it's one thing ordering 50 bars of chocolate, but Fruit and Nut? No one can even eat that! It's like ordering chocolate with grit in it. I used to like that advert with the singing chocolate bar in, though. Sexy. Put a pair of eyelashes on a chocolate bar and it instantly becomes fuckable... right?
She should have ordered Winalot instead. They're all going to be high off sugar at least. She must be pretty sure she's going. She didn't even get a 'did you say 500 Nutellas...' A PALE IMITATION. The squeakquel to Harry's Alvin.
How come Sara is the only one getting a cheer? She's floated her way to this week! It's the first time she's even opened her mouth. Is it a double eviction? I can't work it out.
I just turned over to the Olympics 'thing'. Pyramids everywhere! Illuminati times. Where's Begbie? Is this Abraham Lincoln Vampire Killer? It's like Mary Poppins or something. Are people paying to watch this crud? Are we having to go through the history of the entire UK? ZZZ. This is worse than Cirque du Soleil and that's one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life.
She got some good chocs there, Milkybar, Aero. You know she's just trying to make Luke A and Adam kick off, don't you? You can tell Caroline's never lived in a violent household. I'd be shitting myself.
Why is Luke S defending Caroline?! Why does Conor think it's funny, doesn't he like food?
Caroline: 'I don't think we have enough Whole Nut.' Whole Nut is worse than Fruit Nut. Whole Nut is unforgivable. I'd chuck that chocolate in the pool, or melt it and cover her clothes with it.
Nut-hell-urgh. Adam, don't rise to it! Don't let her beat you. 'Absolutely fucking pathetic.' Ah, memories of Marcus. I wouldn't do that to smokers. Smokers be crazy. Caroline is achieving her objective because she's making Luke A and Adam lose it. Wow, Adam is REALLY upset. I think he's going to rip her head off.
Here we go! Caroline does look fat. Must be the chocolate. Conor is twitching. The soldiers are safe. All the goodies safe. OMG, Caroline is so annoying. I hope someone throws a brick at her when she comes out. All the baddies got booed. The writing is now on the wall. Luke S and Conor must be shitting it. Like A: 'I might have some chocolate.' Nice. Diabet-heave.
Sara has not had to fight, so she doesn't deserve to win, IMO. It's too late to float through and then start speaking up now. They're singing God Save the Queen on BBC1 now. Quick, kick Sara out, she's missing it. I've seen more astroturf in the Big Brother garden. The Queen looks THRILLED. Fucking THRILLED. What a LOVELY WOMAN. She looked like she'd just stepped in some dogshit. What time is the alien invasion on? This is like all the worst bits of Eurovision. I'm glad I'm only watching 3 minutes of this at a time.
So it's not a double eviction, they're just dragging this shit out (we're back to Big Brother, not that other crap). Mad-am. Adam, keep cool, or you're going to get a warning. It's not gangland times anymore. Why has no one slagged Caroline off for being a copycat, too? Caroline is so up for eviction next week if she doesn't go out tonight.
'It's a joke.' Is it just mint banter? It's not a joke, you're just trying to bug everyone. Don't they need some multivitamins or something? What would Vinnie Jones make of this? I don't think he'd be happy.
She didn't even get any CRISPS. I could live on crisps for a week. I DO live on crisps for a week. What, BB is giving them tobacco?! Ugh, Caroline bought Milka, too. I don't like Milka. She hasn't even got good taste in chocolate. Where's the chocolate orange?
Fag gate! I think Adam and Luke A have a point about the fags, but they don't own the fags. Is Luke A enjoying that fag? Ratty's getting annoyed. Stub her out.Ashleigh: 'just you wait.' Luke A: 'what you going to do, get Luke S?' LOL. Adam knows prison ways. Fags are like currency in there.
OMG Ashleigh is safe. How?! And Conor! Ugh! It's got to be Caroline going. It can't be Luke S going, can it? But then who would vote to save him? Caroline is doing some serious controller's leg there. Luke S looks properly gutted. Apparently it's in 'no particular order' so interesting they saved the outsiders first, perhaps the producers are trying to redress the balance somehow. I can't believe they're still trying to rinse money out of this thing! Save Caroline! Or don't. I'm not sure?! It should have been Conor or Ashleigh, Luke S and Caroline provide more exitainmentz. Why don't they leave Conor in the bottom 2 sweating? Luke S is unraveling. He looks sooooo upset.

I just turned BBC1 on and Mr Bean is on. Are we that hard up?
I think the outsiders have the numbers now Sara's jumped ship. But don't forget what Sara did! I won't forgive her for her Benedict hate and the Queen love.
As usual Conor's got a stooge to do his dirty work for him, just like he did with Arron with chocolate gate. So did they give Ashleigh a fag in the end, or what? I think Caroline might be the ugliest thing on the planet, inside and out. Adam is sharing the tobacco. Cos he's been told to. Rizla-kicks.
I thought Scott had a pair of hair straighteners in the bath with him then. No such luck. Conor just jumped in. It's not as good as Jedward bathtimes, is it?
Deana is playing it quite cool at the moment. Luke A and Adam are crumbling right now and she's keeping her head down.
Luke S was so sure Ashleigh would leave before him, it would be worth seeing him leave.
Is Adam about to do an armed robbery? What's with the stocking? May I recommend an assault? I hate all this 'being myself' talk. Zzzz.
Caroline: 'people are very spoilt.' LOLZ. You have got to laugh. You really have.
BBC1 check: John Lydon. Is the Queen smiling at that bit? Are we having an acid house bit now? Not even some MDMA could cheer this horrorshow up. Some MK Ultra, maybe. Someone just said the words 'graphic equaliser.' Very modern. Are we celebrating rave? What about when they tried to shut them all down? LAGER LAGER LAGER. It's just all songs from fucking Trainspotting! I love Dizzee Rascal, he's gloriously joyful and stupid. I'd like to see him on Celeb BB.
OK back to BB. It's Crunchie time! You've missed a trick there, Brian.
Fucking hell, Caroline looks so dumpy. You've gone as Mars Bar as you can go. Be-twixed and between.
Adam and Luke A not even saying goodbye to her. Can't really blame them. Arron didn't say goodbye to anyone. This game really can turn on a Dime-bar. Shall I stop with the chocolate puns now?
Why has she come out with a hairbrush? Is it to rape someone with? Perhaps BB told her to confiscate it from Conor.
I'm surprised Ashleigh got more votes than Caroline. Who voted for her?! On BBC1, David Beckham is driving a pink glowing speedboat. 
I hope Caroline gets booed throughout her interview like Lydia did. Caroline's gone hysterical - she's turned into Ashleigh. Off, off, off, off, off!
Caroline: 'I have no redeeming qualities.' Why not try nurturing some? Brian's getting pissed off with her. Do you think anyone's ever had sex with Caroline? I don't.
Caroline looks like hell. What are those shoes? She looks like Miss Haversham. Brian actually just told her she 'overstepped the mark.' Well done, Brian, you spoke sense for once.
Caro-whine. They are giving her quite a bad edit. She did do some lols. One or two. She's not being contrite. Wait til she's on BOTS. Then she'll be contrite, after she's been given a session with the tell-off man.
I've never seen Brian be this hard on anyone! Mind you, whatevs. There's one thing Caroline's not good at: brushing her hair and integrating into society. Oh, that's two.
Are people still wearing ponchos? Ponchos are worse than onesies. Ghastly.
Why is Caroline referring to herself in the third person? Why is Brian telling us who's popular? He's been WELL nasty to her. I mean, I can't blame him. But where's the rhyme or reason?
Hilarious bit of live feed at the end with Sara telling them about a bunch of people beating the shit out of a terrorist. 'It would only happen in Scotland.' And on that note, goodbye. I aint blogging that live feed. I'm going to watch Breaking Bad. Enjoy the Olymp-dicks.

Big Brother 13: I forgot about Arron

Adam's naked arse! Happy new year. That's literally all I have to say about the first quarter.
The Loch Ness monster is not a snake. It's not even a hand puppet. How can Scott deny something Sara's seen with her own eyes? I've been to Egypt. But the less said about that the better.
Sara's suddenly flipped. Caroline is still in her McDonalds/pyramid reverie. They're both as stupid as each other. OMG Caroline is annoying me SO MUCH. Someone. help. me.
I love the fact that probably the only book Luke S has ever read is 'The Game' - a book about how to trick girls into fancying you. His idol is probably Mystery and his furry hats. He got a pretty slow handclap after his speech.
To be fair, Scott got an easier subject to debate, so the task is a bit unfair. Although Scott isn't really 'himself', as such, is he?
I want to see Ashleigh do a debate. Or just string a sentence together. I think I hate everyone today, even Adam and Luke S. I think I like Sara sometimes. Then I come to my senses.
This office task is like a cut-price BBUSA task. Except BBUSA is good. As usual, I have no idea what's going on. I'm not sure if it's not my fault for not paying attention, or the producers for not explaining well.
Luke S summed up purely by a drawing of a cock and balls. Nuff said. So Deana was cheating, but only to pass the task for Sara. This task is stupid. It's like Drawsome for mutants.
Scott: 'I forgot about Arron.' So did I, thank God. 
Adam is soooooo touchy lately. Luke S: 'Fucking women.' Charming. Deana did it to win the task for you, Adam. Get a grip. Exactly; 'use your brains.' They are so dumb. I hope they're going to say sorry to Deana. Not exactly allies are they? More like unfriendly fire.
What are Becky and Sara arguing about? Should I care? Neither of us have a clue.
How many times did you rewind Caroline smacking herself in the face with a bottle of shampoo? Twice for me. Fucking hell, it's not like she stood on a plug or something; a serious injury. If I did that, my boyfriend would just laugh at me. Is she blind? Quick, call an ambulance. Get her out the house. Take her to A&E. Just to make sure. Ashleigh: 'that'll teach her.' Don't go into nursing, will you?
What is WRONG with Caroline? I think there's actually something mentally wrong with her. Yeah, evict her with a mash-up face *insert own joke here*. Black eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyed.
Sara: 'why the fuck would I want to speak to any of my housemates?' Fair point. This is one of the worst episodes I've seen this year. My boyfriend just pointed out Sara is trying to disappear down her own top. There's a metaphor here somewhere.
So will you be watching the Olympics opening ceremony tomorrow? If so, watch out for the fake alien invasion/ terrorist attack. I'll be watching some dimwit being chucked out of a house on Big Brother. Mind you, it beats watching Phil Daniels and Fab Macca, or whoever's been roped into this latest spectacle of shame. Ring pieces.

Big Brother 13: Onion argy-bargy

Not another bloody party! They have more parties than Lindsey Lohan. I like it when Americans use the word 'partying' when they mean taking drugs. I've done so much partying, I'm suffering from exhaustion = I'm a drug addict and I need a lie down.
Well they've got the most childish housemates sewn up. I once ordered someone a bouncy castle as a prank when I was about 15 after they ordered me cabs and pizzas for an entire night. I think I won that one. The person's mum rang up and my dad gave me a tell-off, but it was quite half-hearted. Booked that bouncy castle through the Yellow Pages, too; old skool.
First R-Pattz and K-Stew, now Luke and Ashleigh to break up? My faith in love has been shaken!
The boys are so sad listening in on that conversation; they'd diss the girls for doing the same. Him and her both basically said the same thing about each other; they can't stand the sound of each other's voices. True love. Like Conor laughing! What a supportive friend. His face was a picture.
I think 'humiliated' is the word Ashleigh is looking for, not annihilated. That enormous bed looks ace. Luke can't exactly complain, he said much the same about her behind her back. Careful there on that high horse, Luke S, you're on shaky ground. He hates anything that dents his ego. I've seen some showmances in my time, but this one is really built on the sand.
This task is sexist. What are they going to do next; try on shoes? Luke A must be pleased he made the transition, this is pathetic.
Luke S is really PISSED off. What's his prob, she only said he had an annoying voice and he stinks? LOL. Onion boy! Chop, chop, it's all in the mind etc. Funions! (™Jesse off Breaking Bad)
Ashleigh: 'you make me out to look like a fucking arsehole.' She's not a very nice person, is she? She's just a shallow bitch. She's not got a nice word to say about anyone. How can anyone LIKE Conor's hair? Shaven armpits on men? Oh, please. Nair thanks.
Does Luke S REALLY like her? I think HE likes her more than she likes him! But I still don't think that means much. Relationship? Relationshit, more like. Luke S: 'I'll be happy one day.' When?
Ashleigh: 'Blind people can only see in the dark. They can feel objects better than we can feel it in the dark.' This might be the most stupid thing she's said yet.
Why is Caroline guffawing at the word 'transistioning'? What does Caroline regret the most? Is it that hairdo?
Wow, Deana's great, great, great grandad is 110. 'What does he look like?' Deana: 'He can still walk and everything but he passed away last month.' What?! I also hear her great, great, great granddaughter is pretty fine.
Caroline: 'Let's make a toast to the happy couple... onions.' LOL.
Luke A shouldn't take offense at Caroline laughing; she just has no emotional intelligence. She literally is the type who'd 'laugh at a funeral' like in that rubbish song from the 90s.
Is Luke S trying to teach Ashleigh etiquette? I think that ship has sailed. Licking your plate is fucking disgusting and I eat like Kerry Katona. I like Deana's earrings. Not so much Adam dribbling.
Ratleigh's ears look particularly big when she scrapes her hair back. I think they hate each other. Perhaps they'll have a hate fuck later, with Caroline looking on, giggling or scowling.
If Conor's a raver you think he'd be a bit more loved up. They're not so much dancing as walking round in a circle. Should have played Basshunter instead.
Adam copped a good feel of Ashleigh's sweaty boob area, didn't he? Ha, I'm surprised Luke did sleep with her in the end. He IS into her a bit! I have no idea why. She must smell like money.

Big Brother 13: You've never seen a bigger bollock than Luke S

Isn't it great when people at work accidentally cc you into an email slagging you off? I LOVE that feeling. What a shitty fucking week I've had. So yay for the noms twist. AT LAST they listen. It's good for BB, too, because they make more money by putting more people up.
Why is Deana crying straightening Adam's hair? Is it because it looks so crap? Mind you, there's at least three worse hairstyles in the house; Luke S, Caroline and Conor: the Hitler brigade.
Caroline would rather 'live in a house with people she doesn't get along with than leave before them'. At least she admits her priorities. Even if they're warped.
I love it when we get a glimpse of Adam's argyle socks tattoo. Hilarious. What's the point in nominating Sara, though? She's pointless. I'm fairly sure she'll go this week, because who's her fanbase? Wills and Harry?
You've nominated Luke A, Becky, because he owned you. End of. What a dogshit reason for nominating Deana too. She 'moves too slowly'?! She's somehow burning off more calories than you.
Sara looks good in a bikini. That doesn't really make her a worthwhile housemate, does it? LOL she nominated Luke S. Good! What are these 'strange pants' she speaks of? I want to see them. Oooh, she changed her nomination from Adam to Ashleigh! Girl is waking up. Nicely done. There's one for the outsiders.
Conor - heartless and cruel? Surely not. Ashleigh nominating Luke A for being bitchy. What an idiot. Ashleigh nominating Deana because she's jealous of her body basically, now Lauren's gone. Who isn't this moron jealous of?
Yes, Luke A, Deana is playing a game; Big Brother. How dare Deana dance to music when they play it? What a stupid reason for nominating someone.
Caroline's nominations are so far off the mark, she just makes herself look like the shallow little prick she is. Who ISN'T Caroline annoyed by? Even her own mirror has cracked in protest at having to look at her face, doesn't she get it yet?
Ooh, Conor's nominating Sara, too. He must know she's hitched her apple wagon to Deana's star.
My brain switched off for a minute because I was thinking about Enter the Void and Triangle that I watched at the weekend, and then I see housemates putting elastic bands on a watermelon. I think I'd rather sit through Enter the Void again, even though it's an hour and a half too long. Lovely visuals though. Still not convinced to take DMT! That rabbit hole might not have a ladder back up. Anyway, I digress.
Did God step in to sort these nom noms out? Will God point his finger at Ashleigh or Luke S? Here's hoping. Sara: 'I didn't think you'd be up, Adam.' You almost nominated him, do you have amnesia?!
The outsiders DIDN'T vote tactically. It was just luck that BB fiddled with the noms. The insiders are shitting themselves now. Good. About time they had a spoonful of it. And I'm also glad Scott's safe.
Why is Adam being so testy? Stop having a strop, silly. You aint the only one up. Talking of testy, did you see Luke S flashing his balls on BOTS last night? Horrendous. What was he thinking? Oh here it is. That's actually obscene. Did he just say it was 'full of eggs'?! Him and Ashleigh couldn't operate a condom between them. I fear for the future of humanity. So Ashleigh doesn't care if Luke goes? By the time she met him in two weeks on the outside he'd probably have fucked about 25 girls. She doesn't give two flying fucks. Can she count to two?
Caroline is quite astute that Adam is liked outside, so why would she take him on? You have to respect her in a way, for blundering on regardless. OMG Caroline don't you DARE ape the AMAZING Harry with 500,000 Nutellas. You can NEVER live up to his banana legacy; never. Don't even try it.
Luke A's: 'I hope they get some of these evil tossers out' was definitely second candidate for my title. Luke is getting a bit cocky, but he's been pushed to the limit. Adam's 'performance' - uh-oh, that's a dodgy word to use.
LOL to 'do you think she'll go?' 'Hopefully.' about Caroline. I think Caroline has more fans than they think. It will be Sara or Ashleigh out that door. I'll be voting to save the 'soldiers'. I don't love them, but they've put up a good fight. Let's not let them fall at the final hurdle.

Big Brother 13: Weighty-hatey

I just lost the first quarter of my blog, but it was boring as fuck (BB, not my blog, obv) so here's how it went. Ashleigh is playing letter-gate like a fiddle.
Why is it always idiots like Luke S who want kids? He's too self-obsessed to look after a budgie, he'd be gawping in it's little mirror trying to sort out his bouffant whilst the poor thing dropped dead from lack of bird seed.
Luke S and Ashleigh's conversation is scintillating. Adam, Luke A and Deana really need to tread carefully with their semi-noms talk. I notice Caroline's make up mirror is cracked. No punchline required.
Conor: 'I hate cats.' Conor: my cats hate you. In fact they said you make the Neanderthal man look like David Attenborough. 
Adam's got some bouncy moobs going on there! Luke S looks like he's got tits, too. I hate all BBUK tasks. I can't wait to watch yesterday's BBUSA tonight. I'm having to avoid Twitter to avoid getting spoilerised, which is difficult; in fact I've already fucked myself, but it was via a thread in the BBUK forum on Digital Spy - thanks for that! We forced my friend to watch BBUSA the other night and she said it was 'boring'. WTF?
Did Luke A just say he didn't shit? What witchcraft is that? Adam is gross leaving skid marks in the toilet. Haven't they got a toilet brush?! Minging.
Ashleigh should have to clean up Adam's dirty toilet to win Deana's letter. Fair's fair.
Nelly and a barbeque. What more could you want from a party?
It's a shame Shev isn't still in there to get scared by Ashleigh. Don't give up the day job, Ashleigh, whatever that is (probably signing on). I'd rather take my chances with the clown from It.
Why did Conor have a screwface when Deana got her letter? He was crying for her yesterday. Guess those fake emotions only last so long.
Do you remember when Bea got a video from home and it was from her friend, but not her best friend or her mum and she threw her toys out of the pram in the most revolting manner? I wonder if they're still friends?
You're not supposed to stick earbuds in your ear like that, Ashleigh. Maybe that's how she dislodged her brain.
Conor likes nomination day. Says it all really; nasty bastard.
What sort of person tells their 'friend' they've put on weight? Sara's about as fat as a matchstick. Caroline doesn't look fat; just ugly. Sara: 'my bum makes me feel like I want to pass out.' Becky's must make you feel like dying.
Love Scott being catty about Luke S and saying he's 'one of the most uncool people I've ever met.' I don't think I've ever seen the two of them speak. Hopefully he'll nominate it.
Don't do a prayer, Deana, do a fix, a little whisper, bit of tittle-tattle. Is Luke A even religious?! I'm sure God is getting right on this shit. Fuck starvation, wars and natural disasters. Save the outsiders!

Big Brother 13: See you in a bit

The good thing about Lauren going and Luke A staying is that Lauren would NEVER have dared stick it to them like that after. You think he'd be keeping his head down before next noms, but he's always had weak gameplay; still I love that he's shown his spine. The trouble with this is, over-confidence can be deadly at any stage of proceedings so he's playing quite a dangerous game as it wouldn't be difficult for team thicko to block vote Luke A and Adam.
Does Caroline know she's on TV? I wouldn't even sit around my house after a hangover in that state. She looks homeless.
Scott and Caroline sticking the knife in Becky; BFFs for life, obv.
Caroline talking about safe sex? They didn't like it when Benedict did it. I like Scott winding them up about the sex. Luke A and Ashleigh have already done it! Becky and Caroline are such prudes. Love Scott powdering his face as he enters the DR. I like Scott more than ever at the moment. He's odious, but at least he's entertaining. I like his Eminem hair, too.
The marshmallow task was quite funny, I though. And possibly a health and safety risk. I can think of a few people I'd like to see choke to death in there, no names mentioned. Oh Becky, stop acting, you bore. She's just a thick, nasty bitch.
I like Luke A and Adam's relationship, it feels very real; a meeting of minds and common sensibilities. I honestly believe they'll be friends for life.
Really classy when Lauren got evicted. 'Thank you for being there.' was just so honest and touching from Adam, it actually made me cry. So unfair the way this game went. Desperately sad and unjust.
So they did hear 'get Caroline out' and 'get Conor out'. Sweet. Caroline's ready to 'die in a hole'. Don't let me stop you. I'll help you dig it if you like. No really, let's go do it now, before you change your mind. And can we stick Conor in there with you?
Caroline: 'Luke's been playing the victim.' Because he is the victim! Luke is right, the public do see.
Why is Luke A telling Ashleigh his innermost thoughts? He probably wants it to get back to Becky. Why is Ashleigh even out there talking to him? Since when did Ashleigh think Luke A 'was such a great guy'? Oh, since he was saved by the public. Now she's going to go back to Becky and tell on him. So transparent.
Caroline: 'I think you could win it.' to Conor. She'd probably just giggle like a thick little twat when she heard his 'epilator' hate crime.
Ashleigh, you agreed that Becky was an actress. Stop tittle-tattling, and stop saying 'who is he?'
Luke vs Becky; ding ding! This is good. She was expecting him to back down, and the way he just fronted her was delicious. 'Don't tell me what to say... I don't give a fuck.' Just wonderful. I'm trying work out what's going on in Scott's mind. I think he might be reevaluating his alliances.
Becky: 'just tell me the reasons why you don't like me.' Luke A: literally sizes himself up and lists reasons like he's been waiting for it all season. At LAST! At fucking last. I haven't felt this jubilant in BB for a few weeks now. Becky sees herself losing control and is just flapping.
Becky: 'deep down I think you're got a heart of gold.' Deep down I think your heart is made of shit, Becky, just like everything that comes out of your mouth. Luke's got fire in his eyes and belly. I love it. I love Scott's face.
'See you in a bit' was a cool ending to that. If I was Adam I would have given him a high five. Even Scott looked like was laughing. Where can I buy an 'awkward balloon'?
Becky's outrage is brilliant to behold. She didn't like someone telling her the truth, because everyone runs round her pretending she's this fun, jolly person, when she's vile. She was expecting him to 'roll over' and she didn't get what she wanted. But she's not 'upset' in anyway. She's just coming undone. 
Becky has really misjudged this Conor 'friendship' ie. where Conor just blackmailed her into keeping her info another week. Ooh, Scott is keeping his options open.
Luke; beware that false confidence. Adam: 'you've absolutely got to pick them.' Yes, the right people this week. All vote for Becky and Caroline. Done.
Becky: 'he doesn't even know me.' There's nothing to know; you're just an empty shell.
So, the fightback has begun, but all it will take now is for team trash to block vote Adam and Luke up. Please, please, please put them all up this week and give them a fighting chance. On the grounds of humanity!

Big Brother 13: Fucking hell, you weird bitch

I just watched a bit of Braxton Family Values. It was an eye-opener.com.
Anyway, let's see another undeserving person thrown out of the happy, happy house. Me and my friends who are round (alright, my boyfriend and my only friend who's round) sort of want Luke A to stay, but agree he needs to get his game together. I am so 50/50 on it, I just can't decide. Either is the wrong result, and the final will be full of baddies. The only solace I suppose is that they'll all get 5 minute interviews.
My BFF thinks Caroline is funny and 'the most entertaining - but cruel'! Goodness me.
My boyfriend just pointed out that 'someone has Ribena as their night drink.' That can't be good for your teeth. Good luck with merging in with the douche crowd, Adam. My BFF said, 'you're better off being yourself' and she's right. 
LOL, why is Ashleigh telling Luke S he's got a small willy and Conor's got a big 'un? That was actually quite funny for her.
Why is Adam handcuffing Deana? Lauren in the DR: 'awkward.' Awkward is too overused. I don't believe you can just declare yourself 'one of the lads', either.
What is this 'Jersey brand of cigarettes'? Does it have a cow on it? #racist
I like Adam refusing to integrate. My BFF just pointed out that it seems like no one has had a good time in that house. It has been the most sour series ever.
Luke A - please cheer up and stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's quite tedious to watch.
You do lie detector! This task would have been more interesting with Adam. I still don't get the Sara/ Deana best friends thing. Sara seems to be answering quite honestly. Well, well, well. You were LYING, etc.
My boyfriend just declared: 'Pete Waterman is the best songwriter in the world and Michaela Strachan taught how to read using The Sun newspaper.' What the fucking fuck?
Adam takes things a bit too personally. Who cares if he's the least person she'd like to be stuck in the house with? I'm sure the feeling is mutual.
Is Sara really saying she fancies Conor? UGH. Ashleigh: 'Conor's absolutely stunning.' If you like Desperate Dan with spray-on hair, I guess.
So Lauren bit the dust. They didn't even show Luke's face. The camera angles have been shit this year. Lauren should not be going before 90% of that house. A very subdued eviction, I think. 
I'm on the live feed now. LOL to the 'get Caroline out' chants. Giggle, giggle. Luke A: time to fix up and look sharp. Him, Adam and Deana need to get their heads together fast and start shit-stirring about two housemates fast (without saying the word 'nomination' - it's not that difficult).
What's that white suit Adam's wearing? Ashleigh actually looks quite nice tonight. Shame about the genetics.
Why is Conor always wearing Aztec prints? Why is no one saying anything? This live feed is dregs. I want to know what conversation Adam and Lauren were having outside, ffs.
And we're back in the room. Just watched Brand X in the meantime, it was a lot better than the Sexy Ads show.
Don't think much to Luke A's outfit. Two dreary shades of black on your potential eviction night? Snooze.
Another win for Team Cunt. Lauren is getting cheered. Hope Ashleigh can hear that. She got a great reception. I'm glad Lauren's out of there in a way. Who wants to live with that rotten lot anyway? WTF did she do to deserve 7 nominations?
Lauren: 'after everyone's heard everyone's stories...' We never get to hear anyone's stories. It's horrid showing her that 'spoon' thing; her basically being dehumanised. Why are they focusing on Caroline so much? Ashleigh hated her just as much, if not more. Why haven't they focused on that more? Caroline is clearly the fall guy this week; bet you a million pounds everyone puts Caroline up this week; she's an easy target now.
Lauren's loving the Adam clips. They didn't show him saying he's got a hard-on. What's the porno music?
I knew Brian was going to say Lauren was leading Adam on. Brian always has a go at the wrong person.
Lauren was classy in her interview. But I was depressed about her comment that all girls talk about is make-up. Fuck off. 
Quite sad, really. She should have been in the final. It's going to be such a grim final. It's going to be Frankie Cocozza and Denise Welch all over again. But times five.
Did Brian just say Kirk Norcross was hot? My boyfriend's reaction to that was: 'well some gay men like homophobes.' Ah, that little bit of live feed was good because you can see the outsiders have been buoyed by it a bit. Deana; 'we need to join forces'. Correct. Go under the covers. Write it on a piece of paper in eyeliner. Whisper in the toilets. Just align your fucking votes this week; please. It's your last chance.

Big Brother 13: Yop top

My boyfriend has suddenly turned into Dennis Leary; moaning and ranting that hot water gets turned off for rule breaks instead of housemates 'being put on the block': (note the BBUSA speak). He's not wrong, though.
Lauren's roots are looking like mine do before I force myself from the London/Surrey borders to Holloway Road to get mine done. I think I go once every three months. As a peroxide blonde; it's unforgivable.
Ashleigh isn't sure about her outfit; nor am I. It looks like one of Courtney Love's cast offs; and only Courtney can get away with that.
Luke S pretending that location or clean vs messy means anything to his and Ashleigh's 'relationship' is laughable. We know there's no relationship. There's not one now, and there certainly won't be one outside the house. It's too little, too late and you're fooling no one, sunshine.
I'm not surprised that Ashleigh and Scott are turning on Becky next; it was obvious she was going to be the next fall guy. But I'm happy to see her fall; in fact, I'll give her a shove myself.
How to repel boys... how to repel the entire human race, more like, Caroline.
Is Deana going on about money again? I hope Luke S isn't listening. I feel a bit sorry for her if she thinks the way to stop men cheating is to 'cut off his money'?! Cut off his dick, more like. Ashleigh is talking sense for once. Vows are for life! Lauren: 'every man will cheat.' How sad.
Ashleigh: 'I've got so many words to describe Deana.' I can imagine what one is. Yet she has none to describe anything else. Ashleigh is such a bitter person, and it's written all over her face. Her 'soulmate' parents produced a cruel little bully, I hope they're pleased.
They're having to shoehorn a storyline in for Sara as she has all the personality of a lampshade. She looks nice, though, in fact she looks lovely. Every time I look at Conor's gurning face I feel sick and sad.
Scott's gay, so why does he have to do the date? Is this where he's going to get the tell-off? What's he going to do, insult the Scottish? His line about a President was quite good.
Adam came out touching his crotch! 'Do you fuck on the first date?' LOL. She liked that better than Conor not talking. I'd probably laugh if someone said that on a first date. Just push the table over or something. Easy. I think I like Adam when he's a bit pervy sometimes, at least it shows a naughty side to him.
Love Luke A winning the 'lads night in' and Luke S cheering before being not invited.
Deana's 'real recognises real people' mantra isn't that catchy, is it? 
Why didn't they show that scene of Scott saying that about Indian culture? I find that EXTREMELY fishy.  They should repeat it over the loudspeaker. The only reason I think we didn't see this scene is because it was worse than we've been told, or more innocuous than we've been told, and BB are either trying to save their skin or just pretend they're doing something. 
'Sarcasm' could be bullying; what about threats of rape and violence towards women?! Ouch, that sarcasm really hurts. Ouch. Out of character.... lolz.
My boyfriend just said, 'It's like Diary Room martyrs this week.' Here's how we can decide between the good and bad people in the house; the ones who have been called into the DR for being racist and the ones who haven't.
I'm glad Adam and Luke got that treat; they deserve a break. I was just going to say I think they'll be friends for life outside the house but then Adam said something about Luke's nuts (or lack of). Was that offensive or not?! I rewound it three times and couldn't tell. It's like a political minefield tonight! Richard Littejohn wouldn't know whether he was Arthur or Martha. We ARE all going to hell in a handcart.
Why does no one know what 'tactile' means on this show?! Poor Adam; he's setting himself up for a fall.
Uh oh, now Luke's getting involved. Lauren: 'this always happens to me.' How awful, having men falling at your feet. She does encourage him a bit, but I don't even want to say that because I can't bear the 'prick tease' talk, it makes me fucking sick. I think she just likes the attention, and you know, she's young and I don't think she's entirely got her game together yet. Adam should know better. She's cute; of course he's going to fall for her.
Caroline: 'sometimes I think I've definitely ruined my life.' You have.
Oh dear, is it the 'it's not you, it's me' talk. Lauren, you're not 'one of the lads'. You do send mixed messages, but I don't think she 'led him on'. That was a little bit sad. But it doesn't make Lauren a bad person. But it might give Adam a helping sympathy vote next week. And I want Adam to win right now.

Big Brother 13: Says she in that frock

I saw a friend tonight and said, 'Are you watching Big Brother?' and she said, 'No, I'm not enjoying it and it's boring.' Can't really argue with that sort of common sense.
One mark for the clip of Scott going 'boo woo' again; we can't stop saying it in this house, it's almost as if that has become the correct impression.
No marks for the rest of the entire show. Why does Luke A care that a bunch of cretins don't like him? Isolated? You've got three friends in the house, it's not that bad. I think Luke A is having a 'boo woo' day. He's going to boo woo his way out of the competition if he's not careful.
Is Luke A wearing Arron's onesie, or is that just a communal house onesie? Does it get issued with the rulebook?
The fact Luke A thinks Luke S was 'cool' is quite telling. Luke A is as cool as a pair of microwave slippers.
They don't show much of Scott, really do they?
I'm glad Sara is sticking up for Deana. Adam is being really silly. It's obvious that they are going to pick off Adam next. She was saying 'you're part of her crowd'. It was a compliment. You ARE NEXT, you dick. Now fix up, because you're shooting yourself in the foot bad. It doesn't put you in a 'terrible position'. You were on the precipice anyway, dickwad.
Why is Luke 'sucking ass' of the darkside after just declaring he wouldn't? It's a bit late to campaign now, we vote, not them. He's keen to stay, isn't he? Perhaps he should have stopped skulking in the smoking corner.
Adam has never liked Deana from day one. The outsiders used Deana to make up the numbers. I'm glad she's not up this week.
Caroline does look fat, actually. Fat, ugly and horrible, what a winning combination.
They're actually letting Becky do the shopping list? Conor: 'I hope they fuck it up.' Yeah, don't let a girl do it, whatever you do, they're bound to fail. Conor, don't threaten to throw chicken nuggets over the wall. What did they ever do to you? About as much as Deana did. Probably less.
Oh God, Luke A is trying to mend fences with Becky now. He's starting to look a bit desperate. You're on the ropes. Don't suck up to the people. They've put you there.
WHAT!? How come Caroline is getting told off for bullying? What about CONOR? What's that as a result of?! Bad edit. I can't tell what's going on. Don't get me wrong, Caroline getting called in by the Tell-off man is no bad thing. I only wish it was the Tell-off man off Breaking Bad and he was armed and dangerous.
It IS difficult to undo that horrendous personality, isn't it, Caroline? She should have heeded Benedict's words; she's a nasty spiteful little girl. Conor tells her to just keep doing what she's doing. So he can win.
What did Becky order, 300 cans of Spam? Oh no, 12 billion bars of chocolate.
Why are Caroline and Lauren making up now? I don't buy it for a minute! Ironic Lauren is sucking on a spoon when that's their nickname for her. You lied to me, you lied to a spoon.
What's 'instercourse?' Is it when someone has sex with Becky in sepia tones?
I know something that will make Ashleigh's doubts about Luke A 'resurface'. Luke S: 'Lauren walks like an elephant.' Charming. Why is Ashleigh obsessed with Lauren? Is it because Lauren is smart, pretty and normal? Yes. Luke S doesn't even fancy Lauren! He was just trying to get with any 'bird' and you're the lucky chicken, Ashleigh! Squawk.
Ashleigh is putting all the paranoia she feels about Luke into Lauren. 'They know about farms.' What!? 'I feel thick.' You are thick. You're an embarrassment. I'd hate so much to feel like that. Can you imagine being that stupid? It would be frightening. It would be terrifying trying to understand the world when you have no emotional intelligence or otherwise. How could her parents have let it happen? Why is she always going on about how thick she is? Read a fucking book. Why is she obsessed with learning how to cook? Just get a bloody takeaway.
Luke A is trying to show his 'fun side'. Bit late! I don't mean to pick on him, but he's being so transparent.
Caroline is having a Fair Isle meltdown in the DR. Will someone give her a fucking hairbrush? WHY did she get in so much trouble? Did she threaten to rape someone? Did she do another racist attack? It would be nice to be told. More importantly; why has no one nominated this disgusting creature yet? Give it a tissue and tell it to fuck off. BOO WOO.

Big Brother 13: Pasta la vista

Do you remember when Bea (destroyer of Freddie) said pointedly; 'Are we going to have a positive or negative day today?' Well, we don't need to ask that anymore. We've got a houseful of sour-faced Bea's. In fact Caroline makes Bea look like Helen 'I like blinking I do.' I'd rather live in Albert Square than the Big Brother house right now.
Scott, Sara and Becky have gone firmly back to the darkside. And the thing is, they've been bullied into going to the darkside. But they've done it with glee so fuck 'em.
Is there anything funnier than Caroline saying she's 'surrounded by bitchy people'? This is the most horrible Big Brother I've ever seen, poisoned from inside out, no laughs, no one to champion. The producers have let the bullies run riot and I'm certain the viewing figures must be plummeting.
Watching them stuff their fat faces isn't exactly appealing either. Becky moaning because someone can't stuff their face as easily as she can; cos they've not had as much practice as you, you fat fuck.
Face to face nominations were guaranteed to keep Conor in because who would dare nominate the thick thug to his face? Why are they STILL protecting him?
Fool's gold. Another nomination twist in the wrong week. Another nail in coffin of righteousness.
Even the way they did face to face nominations was stupid and lacked tension. Conor shouldn't even be in that house. Conor's reason for nominating Lauren was tragic; BB sees everything so who cares if she told on you! If they'd shown Luke's little Batchelor chat on the big screen he would have been up this week - well, if he wasn't immune. 
Ashleigh just mentioned Catherine. Who the fuck is Catherine? Here's some reasons people nominated Deana; you put a chicken in the oven, you told us to wait five seconds. WTF? These people are loopy.
I hated that; just horrible. If Adam had nominated Caroline instead of Ashleigh, Caroline would have been up and we could have got rid of that cunt at last. That's the problem with 'the outsiders', they have never been able to organise their voting correctly, even when Lydia was in there. Even now you can't talk about nominations, you can easily heavily slag off two housemates and get your point across, it's quite simple.
I actually want to punch Becky in the face. I don't care how much her breast weighs. I just want to see her bundled into the river like Nanna Birk Larsen and then for Sarah Lund to go on an extended holiday.
Luke A is right to feel defeated. He's been victimised since day one. I don't think he needs to worry about being booed; not unless they've got the Conor rent-a-crowd there. I must admit, I want Luke A to stay. I think it means more to him. Although Lauren staying will be one in the eye for the girls.
WHY is Caroline ruling that house? WHY do people like Caroline so much? She's fucking evil. She's ugly through and through. She's a plate-faced, poisonous piece of shit. She needs wiping off the planet for the sake of humanity. I don't throw around personal insults and wish such things on people easily, but she really is the lowest of the low.
Deana is right; they should have voted smarter. I think Luke's beef is that he really wants to win, and his chances are slim now, because his group is fucked each week. That was really nice of Big Brother to point out what Deana said: the truth.
Lauren AGAIN attacking someone on HER OWN SIDE. Fucking thicko! God, Adam or Deana HAVE to win this. I don't think BB will make much money on the phonelines this week, let's put it that way. It's like voting to get a toe or finger chopped off.
I don't know what Adam's upset about: Deana's RIGHT, it WILL be her and Adam next week. The other side didn't need telling that; that was the plan anyway. BB HAS to put them all up next week; they have to. Remember the joy every time Freddie stayed? Remember that happy feeling? We've not had a chance to feel that once this series. Big Brother hasn't just jumped the shark; it's fucked it.

Big Brother 13: Docey no

I'm going to struggle with this one tonight so I'll just keep it short. Buffalos. Conor and Caroline - I'm glad they let them show that on the big screen so Becky could see Conor stabbing her in the back. She's still to stupid to take offense though.
Oops I missed the task (shame) as I'm having an ebay dispute with some dickhead who sold me a faulty phone and then went 'oh yeah, it's not in working order but I bought it from Asda so go in there and sort it out.' WTF! That's not how ebay works; it doesn't involve a trip to frigging Adsa. Give me my fucking money back.
Having said that, it looks like this has been one of the worst episodes of all time, so never mind. I forwarded through the hoedown because anything that involves them having fun makes me feel physically sick, such is my hatred for them all.
Nothing has happened in this episode. Not one conversation. Not one thing of interest. Conor is getting his usual hero edit. That's about it. I listened to a bit of Benedict's podcast last night which was quite pompous and embarrassing, but he did call Ashleigh 'a fucking bitch who's thick as pigshit' so that was one highlight. And that's one thing you don't get from Big Brother; the truth in any way shape or form. Every misdemeanor goes unpunished or covered up and good housemates are put up as like sacrificial lambs. And they think we're so stupid we can't see it.
Why has Deana not walked? I'd have broken someone's nose by now.
There's just not a good feeling about BB anymore. My boyfriend's stopped watching it. There's nothing to look forward to or enjoy because no one is getting their comeuppance. There's no happy ending.
Haha, Luke could come unstuck here confiding in Conor about Batchelor-gate. He's bound to tell someone - bet it's Caroline. Ha, followed by Luke going 'Lauren's a two faced fucking bitch.' and Conor going 'she's a spoilt little brat.' Has he met Caroline? The hypocrisy is so rich!
'She's stirring the broth.' says Becky, stirring the broth. Caroline: 'you're a boy so you're allowed to say rude things.' They obviously don't teach feminism at private school. Or manners.
The DR staff must really feel their hearts sink when Ashleigh goes in there. Did Ashleigh just call someone 'thick'? Ashleigh could be outsmarted by those fruit flies they've just taught how to count.
I think Luke A is quite perceptive that the crowd isn't on the dickhead crew's side. They trouble is, there's so many of them, the odds are highly in their favour.
I don't understand cornflake gate. I don't understand much anymore. I need to go bed.