Big Brother 2011 - You deserve a man who stalks you

Wow, they're finally onto Rebeckah! Took them long enough. These idiots would probably keep Mugabe in the house if he made a decent cup of coffee.

Rebeckah: 'I believe in tarot, I believe in voodoo.' Wow, you're thicker than I thought. I actually gave her a bit more credit than that.

Just had to have some tell off times with my cat who is clinging precariously onto my handbag on the back of the door. Honestly, it's like a full time job looking after kittens. How do people have babies? WHY?

Heaven's coded conversation and Aden going 'I think I get what you're trying to say.' No flies on him, are there? Which branch of Mensa is he with again?

Jay's ideas for a task were great. He's a very base individual indeed. He's just grunting round for his next sandwich or shag. I don't know why he even bothers with vocabulary or haircuts.

The Big Brother voice that was talking to Faye sounded like some cockney sparrow. I liked Faye's tactics for dissing people, she set it up quite intelligently. Although I don't think 'that's really put me off you' is really a diss. 'You fucking dickhead' was more like it. She should have switched it up a bit more.

Faye likes Jay! I thought she liked Aaron. Jay stuck a cucumber up someone's fanny. How could you get one up there?! I don't want to go down this thought path any longer. Turn back before it's too late!

Oh, Faye, take Jay on the date, he's starving, FFS. I don't like her personality. I just can't warm to her, she's quite dour and humourless.

Ironic that she didn't choose Jay because he fancies Louise, because Aaron fancies Louise even more. Mind you, even I fancy Louise.

I'd believe that Aaron was going to dress up stupid for the date if they hadn't already shown him on the date looking OK. Faye's put her make-up on with a shovel. I can't decide which bit is more horrendous between the two-tone eyeshadow and the drawn on eyebrows.

At least Aaron can prove he likes laydeez now, and not cock. But we know he likes cock, really!

Imagine someone on a date going 'do you want me to pretend to be Louise for a bit?'

Aaron: 'she's the world.' What a cheesy motherfucker. He was mooning over Louise yesterday and Tom the day before. Mr Fickle!

Listen to the way Jay talks about women: 'Wants looking after... sweet and innocent... marriage material.' Madonna/ whore complex much? The way Anton talks about women is as if they're sub-human. but at least you kn

I didn't even notice at the time how much Rebeckah shitstirred that 'Heaven's eating everything' row. It was her that instigated eating the biscuits!

LOL to Aden dropping Heaven in it. Rebeckah: 'I won't bring it up.' How long before she brings it up? Also, Aden was quite encouraging when Heaven said that to him.

BEDGATE. It's gonna kick off. 'I don't want any negative vibrations.' followed by 'Are you fucking crackers?' is my favourite bit of dialogue in BB so far. I have to say I would have dealt with that situation in exactly the same way Rebeckah did, just come out all guns blazing. You can see how much Tom hates Rebeckah now. She's making his skin crawl. Aden getting involved is the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. Put him back in front of his Xbox with a rusk.

I can't stand Rebeckah OR Heaven. I'd stab the pair of them to death within a week.It's like picking sides between Margaret Thatcher and Fiona Phillips.

It's not 'bullying', Rebeckah. You are an emotionally abusive cuntrag, though. This fight would have been good to watch on the live feed! More swearing please.

I like Tom's accent now, and his dry way of getting involved. He's growing on me more and more.

It's deffo going to be Rebeckah vs Heaven this week. I can't wait!