I admitted I wrote a Big Brother blog at work today! It's somewhere on the embarrassment scale between admitting you're a flasher or that you like Katy Perry. Think I got away with it, though.
Here we go again! It seems really weird having the 'normal' Big Brother right after the Celeb Big Brother. But then a lot of things are weird about Big Brother these days. I think I'd like all this 'social media/ digital age' flannel a lot easier to swallow if any of their social media was actually decent, but it's scraped up,badly spelt and irregular. No jokes about my blog, please.
What riff raff are they going to put in there with Joe Swash lover Pamela Anderson?
Disclaimer: first night opinions are subject to change.
Mark, this first bloke doesn't seem too annoying, which is weird, I was expecting someone horrific first in. I think he's going to be alright. Kind of cheeky chappy but not too irritating. Shades of Maxwell? Does 'I love animals' get you through the audition process lately? Crazy.
Maisy is next. She's got big hair but a bit ugly. The first old housemate she made me think of is Horseface Grace. That's not a good thing. Actually, she looks better in the flesh next to Brian. She's still coming off as a bit of a cock, though.
I like Mark going on about the 'bath shaped like an egg'. That's not such a weird thing for a bath to be shaped like. A bath shaped like a octopus might be something to shout about.
Do you think Pammy could really give a fuck about any of this shower of cunts?
Aaron seems like your common or garden dick. Looks like Peter Slouch. He aint no Rex!
These housemates are better than I thought they were going to be so far. Thought it was going to be a bunch of harpies. I mean, they're odious, but interesting. The worst thing is a bunch of vacuous housemates. I can cope with pricks.
I like Mark cuddling people and bothering them with petty problems as they walk in.
Heaven is a good name. I think she's going to be a character (ie. annoying). Never ill? Please get a cold. Or even just the sniffles.
I just tweeted 'Heaven must be missing an arsehole.' I should have saved that for a blog title! Muggins.
Tom looks like every curly haired little indie shit I've ever worked with. I don't like that accent. Bisexual! Oh no. 'They're even worse that the gays' t.m. my mum's boyfriend. He looks NOTHING like Mica except he has curly hair. Has he got underpants on? He's like Donny Tourette without the hit record. Oh...
Lizard times! Tashie likes quotes. I don't. She looks like Tulisa a bit. She's taking in a roll of cling film. Is she a drug dealer? Could come in useful.
Aden is quite cute. I like smart boys who talk a bit chavvy, there's something sexy in the incongruity. Plan C!
Mark; 'do you want a cuddle? Let's go.' I'd cling to him in the house, just because he's more socially awkward than me.
Alex. I recognise this old boot off Snog Marry Avoid. She's pretty rough. That is a LOT of make up she's got on. Brian checking his cards for her name, lol. Aw, she seemed quite sweet when she was talking to Brian.
I like Pamela Anderson, too. She's proper hardcore animal rights, remember that pciture of her and Moz with the turkey? OK, maybe that picture didn't exist but they deffo had dinner together. And she's mental, too.
Harry. Posho. I don't mind a bit of posh. It's not people's fault if they're born rich or poor. HUNTING? I take it back. Pamela might evict Harry if she gets the chance cos she's PETA poster girl and vegan.
Rebeckah. Yay, a man hating stripper. I like her toilet roll holder dress.
Anton. A posh gangster? He's going to chum up with Aden, I guess. Winning! He's the least interesting to me so far, and he's still reasonably interesting.
Poor Alex looks like Grotbags in a blonde wig. Christ, we must be nearly there now. I'm exhausted!
Faye seems alright. She has got a good body. I think my boyfriend might fancy her, not sure. Cameraman zooming in on her butt! Nice. Did someone just say 'you look lovely' and she went 'I know'?
Oh no, a Geordie. Could do without that. He's wearing one of those JLS 'deep V' T shirts. I think they should have stopped after Faye. The last thing we need is another Charlie doing it for his mum. 'Alreet' really gets on my wick, too.
Final contestant- Louise. Wow, she's beautiful. There's a lot of good looking girls in there this year! It's unfair that some people are blessed with those sort of genes, really, isn't it? She seems quite down to earth too. Christ, what's that hat she's got on? And that skirt! Mental. I'd be quite intimidated by her, she's really gorgeous. I wouldn't want to stand next to her in a humilitard (that's a reference for the two BBUSA viewers who read my blog).
Has Pamela Anderson got bruises all over her arm? My heart soared when she said 'please stop hunting' to Harry. Just brilliant, touching, heartfelt. I really like Pamela Anderson. She just seems really cool. She is looking a bit haggard now, but so she should, she's had years of hard living. Good on her.
Well, I have to say the contestants were a LOT better than I thought they were going to be. Maybe they can pull this off after all. Now if only we could properly enjoy it with live feed, as God intended. Mwah!
It's going to be a long... AUTUMN! No sunbathing for these chumps.