Amy being talked about as if she's a piece of meat, as usual. Kerry chatting about her boring mother, as usual. Paddy mumbling incoherently as usual. What you gonna do about it hard man? Come round and bore me to death? Ah, then he just said 'oh mammy' and it made me laugh. Forgiven!
Amy spends three hours getting ready? Why does she look such a dog's dinner, then? God, can there be anything sadder than women subjugating themselves like this? Don't get me wrong, I wear make up. I spend approximately 3 minutes putting it on. I spend about five seconds combing my hair. I don't get what all the rollers are about. Her hair is straight!
Oh God, and she wants a baby as well. What has she got to pass onto a baby? No, really, what wisdom has she got to impart? Why do stupid people always want babies? It can't be good for humanity. She IS a bug. I once watched a TV show called 'Help, I'm no bigger than a bug'. It was quite disappointing.
Jedward seem a bit lost without Tara. They look like they've got lipstick on today. I want to read some Jedward slash fiction. No, it's not slash fiction, is it? What's the porno one called? Oh my God, what am I saying? Look what you've driven me to!
God, not more of this tragic task. Haven't we suffered enough? John/ Jedward drool. You'd probably get a few quid for that if you sold it on ebay. I can't believe he can keep still for that long. Lucien looks like a serene mermaid. Now this is endurance!
I just searched for topless pictures of Jedward. Found some quite good ones. Now, appropriately enough, John has got blowjob jaw. No one wants that.
Kerry Katona: 'really famous in Asia'. Well, so are Shampoo, so it doesn't mean much. I wonder what Shampoo look like now. I bet they're still pretty cool.
All this shrieking in the groupie bit is getting on my nerves. It feels like nothing happened tonight. It feels like the course has been run.
OMG Sam Pepper and Shabby on BOTS. Fetch my 'bad attitude' spray. Now, go to your room.
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