Not had enough of tyrannical cunts at work? Then why not watch The Model Agency.
Oh, model agencies. Full of arsehole men and women and reedy girls. I've seen it a million times before. I've seen a show really similar to this on C4 on Sunday mornings, reasonably recently, I'm sure of it. In fact, I think that's the same woman who was on it.
Why are all the model scouts so fugly? They seem like they're all cut from the same cloth; hard-faced and ruthless. LOL to that bloke reading a book and texting whilst someone is trying to talk to him, what an arsehole.
To be a model you have to look like you've 'come from another planet'. I can look like I've come from another planet if it's early in the morning, or I've been up late enough. Still don't think they'd book me. I think what they really mean if you have to look like emaciated and have un unnaturally large gap between your eyes.
Perhaps I would give more of a shit about this India storyline if we'd ever met her or seen her. As it is, I don't fucking blame her for wanting out, especially if someone called her fat when she's built like a chopstick.
Lol to the disgust at someone being 'a full C cup'. Heavens.
'I just want to stop all the pressure on India by ringing and texting her constantly until she forgets school and comes back to work as a model!' Fuck me.
Ah, here's India, part-Lily Cole, face like a satellite dish, and not knowing what she wants to do. Imagine being able to turn a 'dream' job down on a whim. I smell money. Sad when you think of all the girl's starving themselves to achieve that throwaway dream. But still, I don't blame her.
Why is this model scout such a crybaby?! STFU already. Stop acting like you care about this girl, you don't! You're pressurising her. RESPECT HER DECISION. No means no, you learn that when you're about three years old.
I dont think I can face this again, it's too vapid, but with no humour.
NB. Here's how you use a Flip camera. Press the red button, dumbass.
Wednesday, 23 February 2011
Tuesday, 22 February 2011
Russell Brand: Booky Wook 2
I recently finished Booky Wook 2, and thought it was just as good as the first. The style feels like he's reading it to you, or just having a chat with you. I think I've overdosed on RB lately because I've been listening to the old BBC6 podcasts so I'm virtually thinking like Russell Brand, which can't be healthy (worth hunting down on a torrent for the podcast about holidays alone- the tales of the boat trip are unrivalled). However, after seeing that clip of him talking all posh on some US show, I do feel like the shine has come off. What makes him special is his unpredictability, and when he's scripted or sanitised, he could be anyone. In his films he could be anyone. Then I saw a clip of him on Daybreak pronouncing all his words nicely, too. Don't like. If they're doing that shit to him, Cheryl Cole is going to come back talking like Princess Anne. (Just don't come back at all, Chez). Back to the book. Each chapter is pretty much a little snapshot of his life, which I think is quite a nice way of presenting things. I like how much Kate Moss making his bed meant to him, but if I was Katy Perry I don't think I'd like my current husband going on about what a goddess she is for an entire chapter.
There are a lot of stories and anecdotes I've heard him tell a million times on radio or in his stand up, but he gets away with it, as they're so funny. His disregard for other humans (especially women) is mindboggling, yet hysterical. I'd forgive him anything.
I particularly liked the chapter on Big Brother (a national treasure), and hearing about how much he appreciated that time. It was genuinely exciting hearing his tales of the contraband 'fight night' video and waiting to shag the contestants as they came out as it had been like watching them in a film.
The chapter where Trevor gets accused of rape is particularly poignant, as I haven't got to that bit of the podcasts yet, so I'm just revelling in all the hi-jinks at the mo, waiting for the bomb to drop. It's sad they could never come back from that, and I thought Russell covered it in a thoughtful way- but how that parting of ways went down in reality, who knows? Very sad all round.
I like the way he talks about his gaggle of friends, but I hate Adam Sandler (of all people) for kidnapping him for Hollywood. A big revelation seemed to be that he doesn't even actually enjoy working on the films! I wish he'd just come back and do radio, or present Big Brother. Hell, I'd even stick him back on Dancefloor chart. He's ours, we should just have him back.
The arrogance of him writing out little jokes between him and Noel Gallagher or bits of his stand up is shocking, yet again, he gets away with it. I don't think we really needed to regurgitate the VMAs but then again, some of those death threats were fucking hilarious.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall is a rubbish film, in which RB's talents are wasted, so it was interesting to hear he hated making it as that seemed like him 'striking it big'. The other chapters on making films and hosting the MTV awards (again) leave me cold a bit. The Morrissey chapter is great (of course!) but you're left feeling that maybe him and Moz aren't as close as you'd have previously thought-or why would he have to go through a third party to get permission to use the emails? I like the fact Moz likes Alan Carr, though. And I would kill to know what his email address is. I bet it's some play on popeofmope@aol.com (I could see Moz backwardly being with AOL).
Did Sachsgate need revisting? I guess so, I like the fact he thought himself being all over the news was how life SHOULD be. Also interesting was after the show initually went out, there was not ONE complaint. I remember exactly where I was standing listening to that podcast (Leather Lane market, if you must know) thinking, 'are they really calling him?' but that's about it. It still makes me sad what happened. I genuinely loved that show. It gave me full-on snorts of laughter where Adam and Joe (when available) only gives me chuckles (I do like those chuckles though, and snorts aren't so good on the tube).
There's only one chapter on Katy Perry, and it's fairly scant on details (saving it for Booky Wook 3, or the divorce?) Nothing she says is clever or of any interest. I do feel she's sucked the life out of him. I miss ol' Russ and his crazy ways. But I don't think we'll have to wait forever, let's put it that way.
Incidentally, I just started reading Derren Brown's latest book and it's boring as fuck in comparison. I think I need some fiction in my life.
There are a lot of stories and anecdotes I've heard him tell a million times on radio or in his stand up, but he gets away with it, as they're so funny. His disregard for other humans (especially women) is mindboggling, yet hysterical. I'd forgive him anything.
I particularly liked the chapter on Big Brother (a national treasure), and hearing about how much he appreciated that time. It was genuinely exciting hearing his tales of the contraband 'fight night' video and waiting to shag the contestants as they came out as it had been like watching them in a film.
The chapter where Trevor gets accused of rape is particularly poignant, as I haven't got to that bit of the podcasts yet, so I'm just revelling in all the hi-jinks at the mo, waiting for the bomb to drop. It's sad they could never come back from that, and I thought Russell covered it in a thoughtful way- but how that parting of ways went down in reality, who knows? Very sad all round.
I like the way he talks about his gaggle of friends, but I hate Adam Sandler (of all people) for kidnapping him for Hollywood. A big revelation seemed to be that he doesn't even actually enjoy working on the films! I wish he'd just come back and do radio, or present Big Brother. Hell, I'd even stick him back on Dancefloor chart. He's ours, we should just have him back.
The arrogance of him writing out little jokes between him and Noel Gallagher or bits of his stand up is shocking, yet again, he gets away with it. I don't think we really needed to regurgitate the VMAs but then again, some of those death threats were fucking hilarious.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall is a rubbish film, in which RB's talents are wasted, so it was interesting to hear he hated making it as that seemed like him 'striking it big'. The other chapters on making films and hosting the MTV awards (again) leave me cold a bit. The Morrissey chapter is great (of course!) but you're left feeling that maybe him and Moz aren't as close as you'd have previously thought-or why would he have to go through a third party to get permission to use the emails? I like the fact Moz likes Alan Carr, though. And I would kill to know what his email address is. I bet it's some play on popeofmope@aol.com (I could see Moz backwardly being with AOL).
Did Sachsgate need revisting? I guess so, I like the fact he thought himself being all over the news was how life SHOULD be. Also interesting was after the show initually went out, there was not ONE complaint. I remember exactly where I was standing listening to that podcast (Leather Lane market, if you must know) thinking, 'are they really calling him?' but that's about it. It still makes me sad what happened. I genuinely loved that show. It gave me full-on snorts of laughter where Adam and Joe (when available) only gives me chuckles (I do like those chuckles though, and snorts aren't so good on the tube).
There's only one chapter on Katy Perry, and it's fairly scant on details (saving it for Booky Wook 3, or the divorce?) Nothing she says is clever or of any interest. I do feel she's sucked the life out of him. I miss ol' Russ and his crazy ways. But I don't think we'll have to wait forever, let's put it that way.
Incidentally, I just started reading Derren Brown's latest book and it's boring as fuck in comparison. I think I need some fiction in my life.
Saturday, 19 February 2011
Kenelis Live at the IndigO2
It's not often you can say you liked something before almost everyone else, and for it to be actually true, but I might just have bragging rights here. Last night I went to Glow, which saw the launch of the Kenelis single Jealous. There were some other bands playing, but Kenelis pretty much blew them away.
I have to declare a vested interest. I've known Mel Sanson, the lead singer for about ten years, and used to go and see her play when she was a singer/songwriter sat on a stool at open mic gigs, and not shouting quite so loud (although she was still angry)! Although she's a friend, I've always respected her music (you know me, I wouldn't go and see a band twice I didn't like). Tonight just seemed like where it had all been leading up to.
The Indigo venue is amazing, I was gobsmacked by it. The location is obviously dogshit as it's hard to get to the dome, and the dome itself if a soulless airport hanger filled with boring restaurants. But the Indigo2 (I don't like writing that) was actually a little jewel inside. The stage is really high so you can see everything well, and it was really fucking loud, too. The support acts ranged from Ocean Colour Scene-alikes, to a band who seemed to be fronted by Mary from accounts who'd got lost after work. But they actually all put on a pretty good show.
I've never heard Mel's band sound so tight, and her voice sound so strong (although her accent sounds more London than I remember previously!). She can really scream. Her tunes are really great, too, my favourite song by a mile was Give Her The Gun, it was just so angry. Sick was really excellent, too. Her lyrics are really honest and raw and her tunes are catchy enough to sing along to. Mel was headbanging, dancing round, playing the keyboard, playing guitar, doing the foot-on-speaker posturing and had a really good connection with the crowd. The crowd looked much more excited than they had all night.
Mel was born to be a front woman and pretty much lives life as if she's famous already. I felt really proud to see her up on such a big stage. She's be brilliant as a massive rock singer because she's a lot more interesting as a person and performer than.. well, anything you saw at The Brits this week, for example.
I know for a fact people care passionately about Kenelis because I met someone with a gigantic Kenelis tattoo on their leg! You can't really get more dedicated (or mental) than that.
If you like angry female rock voices, you'd be mad not to check out Kenelis where you can see her videos and stuff. Oh and you can buy her new single Jealous on Monday on Itunes, woo. PS. My photo's not very good, cos my camera is shit.
Tuesday, 15 February 2011
The Brit Awards: Live Bile (sorry, blog)
I've reviewed this two years in a row apparently! I have no memory whatsoever of the other two, such was it's amazing impact. Oh well, third time lucky.
I see they've drafted in James Corden to host. Yeah because he's really popular, isn't he? Such a likeable, handsome, popular man. Now where's that little gargoyle he knocks about with? He's obviously dumped him. Shame, they were such a LOVELY couple, I particularly liked their sexist film and homophobic comedy series.
Take That opening the show. Mark can't sing. Why is he doing a David Bowie voice? His hair looks nice though. Still, he's a ratty rat rat. Never forget! Wow, this song is an enormous din. It's almost making me pine for flood flood flood flood flood flood flood. Sample lyric: 'Out on the streets tonight, they're making peas tonight.' This is so rubbish. Hold on, Mark Owen is waving a Union Jack around! I hope the NME are going to call him a racist for the next ten billion years like they did Morrissey.
Ugh, here's our first glance at Corden-blergh (that was almost like a joke Morrissey himself would make it was so bad).
Look at the Brit award. It looks like a dildo. Sorry Vivienne Westwood.
Best British Male. My pick would be Patrick Wolf. D'ya think he's gonna win it? Do you? Do you? Ah, Dizzie presenting. I love Dizzie. 'Oliday! Graham from Corrie won- his 'rap name' is based on the American morning after pill. He's been writing some great songs since the butchers collapsed. He's speaking like a chav, too. Graham is thanking his publishing company. Heartfelt.
Shit, I'm watching this half an hour behind and I've almost caught up with the adverts already. Sucky. Don't make me watch Eastenders- I don't care about Heather's money problems. I'm just concerned her coat is clashing with her t-shirt.
Adele next. I saw her on Graham Norton recently and she seemed like a bit of a laugh. I don't like her music, but I think she's good, it's just not for me. I think she has a strong voice, but it's just packaged a bit too blandly for my tastes.
The atmosphere looks horrible there, is it at the O2? It's just loads of pricks sitting round tables. The O2 has all the atmosphere of an aircraft hangar, and believe me, I know- I saw Coldplay there.
Fucking hell, Mumford and Sons! I know nothing about them except their hideous name, and my friend is always taking the piss out of them. Ah, now I know the lead singer is fat, too.
Look at all that booze on the table in front of Justin Beiber! I've never been anywhere where there was a giant bucket of booze on the table like that. It looks great. I hope they got him some apple sours, if not, my friend JOTV might still have half a bottle (sorry John) ;)
Is Fearne preggers? She doesn't look her usual twiggy self. British Breakthrough: I don't know much about Tinie Tempah but except he's got so many clothes he keeps some at his aunt's house. Oh and he's religious. I felt like I was at an American awards show for a minute there when God was thanked for his contribution. What did God contribute, anyway? A heavenly thumbs up? Divine inspiration?
Best International album. Well it's obviously The People's Key but it only came out Monday. Recovery by Eminem is an OK album, but I've barely listened to it since I got it, tbh. The highlight was really the horror corridor, and that's about it. Arcade Fire won. I haven't heard that album. I like Power Out and No Cars Go and Rebellion and that's about it. I liked their geeky speech. They're like a cult, I could see them going a bit David Koresh.
UGH to James Corden's SEXIST introduction to Rhianna, where he invited men to jack off to her. Fucking knobhead. Believe it or not she's a sentient human being and a massive popstar, not just a fucking thing for you to wank to, you prick. This song she's singing reminds me of BABY YOU'RE A FIREWORK because it's just unbearably shrill. MEDLEY. Ah, is this the bondage one now? 'Sex in the air, I love the smell of it'? Delightful. Her S&M dancemove looked a bit tragic, bless her. Where's all the pastel coloured bondage gear? Oh, she's getting sued, isn't she? She doesn't look very sexy in that grannyish body suit. Cancel the masturbation! I like this third song in her medley best, it's catchier.
Adverts for Justin Beiber and Rhianna! What a coincidence.
And the Exitainment awards for best hair go to: I quite like Ellie Goulding's pink rinse. Critic's choice: Jessie J. I dont know who that is, but she has lovely shiny black hair. It's gleaming!
Oh god, they're trying to push this Mumford and Sons shit on us again. They can't be English, look at them. Oh, christ, it's another cult band. No, you can't have sex with the children! NEXT!
Did someone forget to write any jokes for Corden? Russell Brand must be spinning in his marital bed. He knows how to present an awards show (sort of).
Best International Male. Ceelo Green? Who the fuck is that? I'm out of touch.
Stop telling me to buy stuff off Itunes, Corden. Ahh, Alan Carr. A real star. Why didn't they get him to present instead, he made me laugh in his first sentence. Fuck me, Olly Murs just got nominated for something. They are really raising that bar high.
Time lapse: Some of the people above I wasn't interested in just won other awards.
Ah, Graham from Corrie is doing a turn now. There's not much variety on this show, is there? We already got Eminem, do we need an Eminem who sings like a laydee? This thing with him singing like he's in court is fucking pathetic. Did you run over David Platt again, Graham? Ah, maybe Tina can bake you a cake with a file in it. Why doesn't Corden make a derogatory joke about this shambles? We know why, though, don't we, folks? Ah, Graham's got his Misfits jumpsuit on now. And Take That's riot police! Were they on a buy-one-get-one-free from the fancy dress shop?
Eek, there's a little rat running round on stage. Oh, sorry, it's Avril Lavigne, everyone's least favourite child-divorcee. Will Young- you still around? We got Olly Murs, we don't need you now. And we don't need him either. Time to go to the great Syco popstar crusher in the sky. Hurry along, now.
I cant actually look at Justin Beiber.
Ah, Boy George. You could have been a great Celeb BB contestant.
Laura Marling is alright but a bit boring. I like my singer/songwriters to have a bit more growl. She looked at the wrong camera when she gave her speech.
Oh God, not more Arcade Fire, fuck me. Are they gonna do a medley? They should. 'I woke up with the power out... hiding from your brothers, underneath the covers.' The end.
Mark Ronson: you fucking tosser.
Ah, I wondered when Princess Cheryl would make an appearance. Haven't we shipped her off to the USA yet? Looking at what they've done to Russell Brand she's going to come back talking like Dame Judy Dench. Here's an idea; just stay there instead.
I like Rhianna's dress with the roses. It does look like she's getting married, though. I could get married in that dress. Rhianna, tell James Corden to go stick it up his arse. Now he's dissing the dress. I like that dress!
Oh God, we gotta watch T. Tempah perform now too? I won't! I won't do it! I'll take Heather instead, I'll take Ronnie, I'll even take Auntie Kim. Fuck it!
Best British Group. Do you still care? I choose Placebo. They're British aren't they! *snort*
Ah, apparently Take That are better. I liked Robbie's wife screaming with excitement and Robbie not bothering to hug her. What a cunt that man is. I won't rest until I see his head on a spike.
Robbie seems to think going 'Shabba!' is funny. My friend Dominic used to think that was funny when we worked at Pathmeads Housing Association ten years ago. It wasn't.
THEY JUST KEEP MENTIONING THE SAME FUCKING ACTS. BORING.
Graham from Corrie is trying to justify being a sellout. Just be a glorious sellout like Dizzie Rascal, FFS. He's loving it! You're not going to change any minds by acting like a churlish schoolboy. You're a sellout- get over it and enjoy the lovely cash mountain.
Last award of the night: album of the year. Who's won it? Some cunt we've already seen up there 10 times already, I bet you.
OMG Mumford and Sons are British! Why are they all dressed like Mormons?! They look like they're in fancy dress. Ha, they had to get told off by James Corden for meandering around so much and taking too long. Quick, get the costumes back before the fancy dress shops shut. Run along now.
And the show ended with Ceelo Green, which I'm not even sure I'm spelling right. But I know one thing. It's shit.
LOL I just searched for my last two Brit Awards blogs (here and here if you're really insane) and not only were they better, I made at least three of the same jokes/observations I made here in them. And one of them was from 2008, I must have actually gone out in 2009.
The result of this research? Maybe MY time is up too? Oh, tastemakers, give me another chance. I'll do better next time, mummy.
I see they've drafted in James Corden to host. Yeah because he's really popular, isn't he? Such a likeable, handsome, popular man. Now where's that little gargoyle he knocks about with? He's obviously dumped him. Shame, they were such a LOVELY couple, I particularly liked their sexist film and homophobic comedy series.
Take That opening the show. Mark can't sing. Why is he doing a David Bowie voice? His hair looks nice though. Still, he's a ratty rat rat. Never forget! Wow, this song is an enormous din. It's almost making me pine for flood flood flood flood flood flood flood. Sample lyric: 'Out on the streets tonight, they're making peas tonight.' This is so rubbish. Hold on, Mark Owen is waving a Union Jack around! I hope the NME are going to call him a racist for the next ten billion years like they did Morrissey.
Ugh, here's our first glance at Corden-blergh (that was almost like a joke Morrissey himself would make it was so bad).
Look at the Brit award. It looks like a dildo. Sorry Vivienne Westwood.
Best British Male. My pick would be Patrick Wolf. D'ya think he's gonna win it? Do you? Do you? Ah, Dizzie presenting. I love Dizzie. 'Oliday! Graham from Corrie won- his 'rap name' is based on the American morning after pill. He's been writing some great songs since the butchers collapsed. He's speaking like a chav, too. Graham is thanking his publishing company. Heartfelt.
Shit, I'm watching this half an hour behind and I've almost caught up with the adverts already. Sucky. Don't make me watch Eastenders- I don't care about Heather's money problems. I'm just concerned her coat is clashing with her t-shirt.
Adele next. I saw her on Graham Norton recently and she seemed like a bit of a laugh. I don't like her music, but I think she's good, it's just not for me. I think she has a strong voice, but it's just packaged a bit too blandly for my tastes.
The atmosphere looks horrible there, is it at the O2? It's just loads of pricks sitting round tables. The O2 has all the atmosphere of an aircraft hangar, and believe me, I know- I saw Coldplay there.
Fucking hell, Mumford and Sons! I know nothing about them except their hideous name, and my friend is always taking the piss out of them. Ah, now I know the lead singer is fat, too.
Look at all that booze on the table in front of Justin Beiber! I've never been anywhere where there was a giant bucket of booze on the table like that. It looks great. I hope they got him some apple sours, if not, my friend JOTV might still have half a bottle (sorry John) ;)
Is Fearne preggers? She doesn't look her usual twiggy self. British Breakthrough: I don't know much about Tinie Tempah but except he's got so many clothes he keeps some at his aunt's house. Oh and he's religious. I felt like I was at an American awards show for a minute there when God was thanked for his contribution. What did God contribute, anyway? A heavenly thumbs up? Divine inspiration?
Best International album. Well it's obviously The People's Key but it only came out Monday. Recovery by Eminem is an OK album, but I've barely listened to it since I got it, tbh. The highlight was really the horror corridor, and that's about it. Arcade Fire won. I haven't heard that album. I like Power Out and No Cars Go and Rebellion and that's about it. I liked their geeky speech. They're like a cult, I could see them going a bit David Koresh.
UGH to James Corden's SEXIST introduction to Rhianna, where he invited men to jack off to her. Fucking knobhead. Believe it or not she's a sentient human being and a massive popstar, not just a fucking thing for you to wank to, you prick. This song she's singing reminds me of BABY YOU'RE A FIREWORK because it's just unbearably shrill. MEDLEY. Ah, is this the bondage one now? 'Sex in the air, I love the smell of it'? Delightful. Her S&M dancemove looked a bit tragic, bless her. Where's all the pastel coloured bondage gear? Oh, she's getting sued, isn't she? She doesn't look very sexy in that grannyish body suit. Cancel the masturbation! I like this third song in her medley best, it's catchier.
Adverts for Justin Beiber and Rhianna! What a coincidence.
And the Exitainment awards for best hair go to: I quite like Ellie Goulding's pink rinse. Critic's choice: Jessie J. I dont know who that is, but she has lovely shiny black hair. It's gleaming!
Oh god, they're trying to push this Mumford and Sons shit on us again. They can't be English, look at them. Oh, christ, it's another cult band. No, you can't have sex with the children! NEXT!
Did someone forget to write any jokes for Corden? Russell Brand must be spinning in his marital bed. He knows how to present an awards show (sort of).
Best International Male. Ceelo Green? Who the fuck is that? I'm out of touch.
Stop telling me to buy stuff off Itunes, Corden. Ahh, Alan Carr. A real star. Why didn't they get him to present instead, he made me laugh in his first sentence. Fuck me, Olly Murs just got nominated for something. They are really raising that bar high.
Time lapse: Some of the people above I wasn't interested in just won other awards.
Ah, Graham from Corrie is doing a turn now. There's not much variety on this show, is there? We already got Eminem, do we need an Eminem who sings like a laydee? This thing with him singing like he's in court is fucking pathetic. Did you run over David Platt again, Graham? Ah, maybe Tina can bake you a cake with a file in it. Why doesn't Corden make a derogatory joke about this shambles? We know why, though, don't we, folks? Ah, Graham's got his Misfits jumpsuit on now. And Take That's riot police! Were they on a buy-one-get-one-free from the fancy dress shop?
Eek, there's a little rat running round on stage. Oh, sorry, it's Avril Lavigne, everyone's least favourite child-divorcee. Will Young- you still around? We got Olly Murs, we don't need you now. And we don't need him either. Time to go to the great Syco popstar crusher in the sky. Hurry along, now.
I cant actually look at Justin Beiber.
Ah, Boy George. You could have been a great Celeb BB contestant.
Laura Marling is alright but a bit boring. I like my singer/songwriters to have a bit more growl. She looked at the wrong camera when she gave her speech.
Oh God, not more Arcade Fire, fuck me. Are they gonna do a medley? They should. 'I woke up with the power out... hiding from your brothers, underneath the covers.' The end.
Mark Ronson: you fucking tosser.
Ah, I wondered when Princess Cheryl would make an appearance. Haven't we shipped her off to the USA yet? Looking at what they've done to Russell Brand she's going to come back talking like Dame Judy Dench. Here's an idea; just stay there instead.
I like Rhianna's dress with the roses. It does look like she's getting married, though. I could get married in that dress. Rhianna, tell James Corden to go stick it up his arse. Now he's dissing the dress. I like that dress!
Oh God, we gotta watch T. Tempah perform now too? I won't! I won't do it! I'll take Heather instead, I'll take Ronnie, I'll even take Auntie Kim. Fuck it!
Best British Group. Do you still care? I choose Placebo. They're British aren't they! *snort*
Ah, apparently Take That are better. I liked Robbie's wife screaming with excitement and Robbie not bothering to hug her. What a cunt that man is. I won't rest until I see his head on a spike.
Robbie seems to think going 'Shabba!' is funny. My friend Dominic used to think that was funny when we worked at Pathmeads Housing Association ten years ago. It wasn't.
THEY JUST KEEP MENTIONING THE SAME FUCKING ACTS. BORING.
Graham from Corrie is trying to justify being a sellout. Just be a glorious sellout like Dizzie Rascal, FFS. He's loving it! You're not going to change any minds by acting like a churlish schoolboy. You're a sellout- get over it and enjoy the lovely cash mountain.
Last award of the night: album of the year. Who's won it? Some cunt we've already seen up there 10 times already, I bet you.
OMG Mumford and Sons are British! Why are they all dressed like Mormons?! They look like they're in fancy dress. Ha, they had to get told off by James Corden for meandering around so much and taking too long. Quick, get the costumes back before the fancy dress shops shut. Run along now.
And the show ended with Ceelo Green, which I'm not even sure I'm spelling right. But I know one thing. It's shit.
LOL I just searched for my last two Brit Awards blogs (here and here if you're really insane) and not only were they better, I made at least three of the same jokes/observations I made here in them. And one of them was from 2008, I must have actually gone out in 2009.
The result of this research? Maybe MY time is up too? Oh, tastemakers, give me another chance. I'll do better next time, mummy.
Bright Eyes review - Live at the Scala, Kings Cross, London
Bright Eyes are my favourite band and I’ve seen them many times. I saw him in his not-looking-up phase at Shepherd’s Bush many years ago. I sat at his feet in the Guardian tent at Glastonbury in one of the most special gigs of my life (he didn’t look up much then either, but I was close enough to touch his leg). I’ve seen his confidence grow at festivals. I saw him in white suit/ long greasy hair phase back at Shepherd’s Bush where he looked like he’d actually learnt to put on a show. But nothing seemed to fit him as right as the performance he put on last night at the Scala. It was like he’d finally worked out who he was (and it’s not Bob Dylan, thank God).
I was so lucky to get these tickets, I really appreciate that. I’ve been to the Scala many times for Popstarz but never seen a gig there, so wasn’t sure how it would work. Me and my best friend got a really decent spot on a raised bit with a little barrier in front of us, so we didn’t have to get crushed and we had a perfect view. I think we chose wisely, as the place ended up absolutely rammed. I have no doubt in my mind that place is a major health and safety risk- if there was a fire, you’d be in big trouble. But hey- I’d have died happy (after the gig, obv).
The support act was Tim Kasher, another Saddle Creeker, who did quite a dreary set, with some unintentionally amusing lyrics.
Bright Eyes started with the intro to the album, which reminded us of Morrissey gigs where he makes you sit through some painful intro, but at least the Bright Eyes one is only 2 minutes 30 seconds (I know, cos I’ve been skipping it on the album!) A word on the album The People's Key; wow, it’s catchy. I’ve been listening to it non-stop, and it bounces around my head constantly. It’s really, really excellent quality, there’s not a bad track on it, and there’s a lot of variety.
He came out in the kind of shirt you’d wear to the office and looked quite pallid, but I think it was just the lighting as his manner and demeanour improved later. He opened with Firewall, which made me think- ah, is he going to do the whole album in order? For once I wouldn’t have minded as I was really looking forward to hearing songs off it. He followed this with another newie (oh God, memory failure). Weirdly after that he did about 6 big hits in a row. We’d been joking that we wasn’t going to do any crowd pleasers, so was quite shocked to hear Gold Mine Gutted, Old Soul Song, Four Winds, Lover I Don’t Have to Love and We Are Nowhere and It’s Now all in a row. I don’t really like Four Winds but what a run. Lover I Don’t Have to Love was amazing, obviously. He followed this with Jejeune Stars which sounded lovely.
My memory is a bit addled so these aren’t necessarily in the exact right order but he also did Shell games, Approximated Sunlight (very cool), Haile Selassie, Cartoon Blues (that was a random one - precluded by him rambling about the crowd being half CGI - but I love it), Bowl of Oranges, Arc of Time, (about the worst song he played all night, and it’s still a good song), No one would Riot for Less (makes me think of my ex boyfriend but stunning), Take it Easy (Love Nothing), An Attempt to Tip the Scales (yes that one with the annoying interview in the middle of it on Fevers & Mirrors) and they did Road to Joy just before they went off.
They even did Something Vague, which I don’t believe I’ve ever heard them do before- I mean, it’s mindblowing. I can hardly believe those song titles are being written here by me, it was such a litany of amazing hits. Even if he’d just come on and looked at the floor and sung them we would have been crying with happiness, but he didn’t, and the band was amazing, the sound was just so good.
He chatted a little- not much but he said happy valentines day and why were we here when we could be having a boring dinner with someone we didn’t like, something about motherfuckers, and a few other bits in between. The most gross part was he kept spitting on the stage and at one stage even spat towards the crowd! Honestly- it’s valentines day, don’t treat your guests like that, Conor. I know you weren't dragged up. He also threw a bottle up in the air which fell back down and hit him in the head, which I thought was quite amusing, considering.
He redeemed himself after the encore coming out with flowers and handing them out to the crowd, very cute. He’d also done his hair like a little girl.
After the encore he did Beginner’s Mind, the Calendar Hung itself (absolutely outstanding live and the first Bright Eyes song I ever heard), Nothing Gets Crossed Out, Poison Oak (beautiful), and One for You, One For Me. I mean, look at that for an encore, FFS. Talk about crowd pleasers. He seemed a bit off his head at the end, he jumped in the crowd and his eyes were rolling back in his head, so he'd probably gone for a 'pick me up' and I don't mean the spit bucket. He was doing some very jerky awkward dancing, which I liked as I hate going to see a band and seeing someone rooted to the spot (take note Battle for the Sun-era Brian Molko). Conor would never have moved like that even five years ago when he just hid behind a guitar (or keyboard).
The night was just fantastic, we had the perfect spot considering how heaving it was in there, and the setlist was a dream. I’ve probably missed some gem out, too. If I was churlish enough to complain about the setlist I’d probably say I’ve heard a lot of those big hits before, but to complain about him playing hits is pretty stupid (although if you’re reading this, Conor, next time can you play I believe in Symmetry, February 15th and Hit the Switch- I’d request A Line Allows Progress, a Circle Does Not, No Lies, Just Love and A Poetic Retelling of an Unfortunate Seduction but I don’t think that’s gonna happen). Oh and I wanted to hear Triple Spiral from the new album, just for the mother crone line, really.
The new album is soooo good, I can’t even choose between songs like Shell Games and Selassie, they are both so strong in their own ways, and sound so good live. Conor was shouty, screamy, sneery, humble, sweet, funny- just everything he should be. He is my perfect popstar, my idol, he means everything to me. I didn’t want to build my hopes up too much beforehand but he totally delivered. It was wonderful. And my best mate loved it an’ all. I don't know what I would have done if I'd never found Bright Eyes. I don't think it's possible.
Bring on the Royal Albert Hall... I can't wait.
I was so lucky to get these tickets, I really appreciate that. I’ve been to the Scala many times for Popstarz but never seen a gig there, so wasn’t sure how it would work. Me and my best friend got a really decent spot on a raised bit with a little barrier in front of us, so we didn’t have to get crushed and we had a perfect view. I think we chose wisely, as the place ended up absolutely rammed. I have no doubt in my mind that place is a major health and safety risk- if there was a fire, you’d be in big trouble. But hey- I’d have died happy (after the gig, obv).
The support act was Tim Kasher, another Saddle Creeker, who did quite a dreary set, with some unintentionally amusing lyrics.
Bright Eyes started with the intro to the album, which reminded us of Morrissey gigs where he makes you sit through some painful intro, but at least the Bright Eyes one is only 2 minutes 30 seconds (I know, cos I’ve been skipping it on the album!) A word on the album The People's Key; wow, it’s catchy. I’ve been listening to it non-stop, and it bounces around my head constantly. It’s really, really excellent quality, there’s not a bad track on it, and there’s a lot of variety.
He came out in the kind of shirt you’d wear to the office and looked quite pallid, but I think it was just the lighting as his manner and demeanour improved later. He opened with Firewall, which made me think- ah, is he going to do the whole album in order? For once I wouldn’t have minded as I was really looking forward to hearing songs off it. He followed this with another newie (oh God, memory failure). Weirdly after that he did about 6 big hits in a row. We’d been joking that we wasn’t going to do any crowd pleasers, so was quite shocked to hear Gold Mine Gutted, Old Soul Song, Four Winds, Lover I Don’t Have to Love and We Are Nowhere and It’s Now all in a row. I don’t really like Four Winds but what a run. Lover I Don’t Have to Love was amazing, obviously. He followed this with Jejeune Stars which sounded lovely.
My memory is a bit addled so these aren’t necessarily in the exact right order but he also did Shell games, Approximated Sunlight (very cool), Haile Selassie, Cartoon Blues (that was a random one - precluded by him rambling about the crowd being half CGI - but I love it), Bowl of Oranges, Arc of Time, (about the worst song he played all night, and it’s still a good song), No one would Riot for Less (makes me think of my ex boyfriend but stunning), Take it Easy (Love Nothing), An Attempt to Tip the Scales (yes that one with the annoying interview in the middle of it on Fevers & Mirrors) and they did Road to Joy just before they went off.
They even did Something Vague, which I don’t believe I’ve ever heard them do before- I mean, it’s mindblowing. I can hardly believe those song titles are being written here by me, it was such a litany of amazing hits. Even if he’d just come on and looked at the floor and sung them we would have been crying with happiness, but he didn’t, and the band was amazing, the sound was just so good.
He chatted a little- not much but he said happy valentines day and why were we here when we could be having a boring dinner with someone we didn’t like, something about motherfuckers, and a few other bits in between. The most gross part was he kept spitting on the stage and at one stage even spat towards the crowd! Honestly- it’s valentines day, don’t treat your guests like that, Conor. I know you weren't dragged up. He also threw a bottle up in the air which fell back down and hit him in the head, which I thought was quite amusing, considering.
He redeemed himself after the encore coming out with flowers and handing them out to the crowd, very cute. He’d also done his hair like a little girl.
After the encore he did Beginner’s Mind, the Calendar Hung itself (absolutely outstanding live and the first Bright Eyes song I ever heard), Nothing Gets Crossed Out, Poison Oak (beautiful), and One for You, One For Me. I mean, look at that for an encore, FFS. Talk about crowd pleasers. He seemed a bit off his head at the end, he jumped in the crowd and his eyes were rolling back in his head, so he'd probably gone for a 'pick me up' and I don't mean the spit bucket. He was doing some very jerky awkward dancing, which I liked as I hate going to see a band and seeing someone rooted to the spot (take note Battle for the Sun-era Brian Molko). Conor would never have moved like that even five years ago when he just hid behind a guitar (or keyboard).
The night was just fantastic, we had the perfect spot considering how heaving it was in there, and the setlist was a dream. I’ve probably missed some gem out, too. If I was churlish enough to complain about the setlist I’d probably say I’ve heard a lot of those big hits before, but to complain about him playing hits is pretty stupid (although if you’re reading this, Conor, next time can you play I believe in Symmetry, February 15th and Hit the Switch- I’d request A Line Allows Progress, a Circle Does Not, No Lies, Just Love and A Poetic Retelling of an Unfortunate Seduction but I don’t think that’s gonna happen). Oh and I wanted to hear Triple Spiral from the new album, just for the mother crone line, really.
The new album is soooo good, I can’t even choose between songs like Shell Games and Selassie, they are both so strong in their own ways, and sound so good live. Conor was shouty, screamy, sneery, humble, sweet, funny- just everything he should be. He is my perfect popstar, my idol, he means everything to me. I didn’t want to build my hopes up too much beforehand but he totally delivered. It was wonderful. And my best mate loved it an’ all. I don't know what I would have done if I'd never found Bright Eyes. I don't think it's possible.
Bring on the Royal Albert Hall... I can't wait.
Wednesday, 2 February 2011
Album: Bright Eyes - The People's Key
Well it just took me about an hour to download this; (thanks Saddle Creek team who helped me when Google ate my download!) which makes me pine for CDs even more. I am getting my CD; but it's the same day as the Scala gig, so I want to know some songs before then! I have the lyric sheet here, and it's like the booklet, so it's nearly as good, except I can remember the exact bed I was lying on the first time I heard Digital Ash and Wide Awake... that day felt too good to be true. But I was a young 'un then. Things can't stay that good.
Anyway; it's not Conor's fault I'm a technophobe, so let's get stuck in.
Oh by the way, the cover. It is a bit cheapo, but when you've suffered through the last two font types on Moz's front covers anything seems acceptable. I wouldn't even use some of those on a poster for a mental home jumble sale. Anyway.
Ah... annoying intro! Check! It warms the heart. I've missed you, Bright Eyes. I've missed you, Conor. I've even missed Mike Mogis (a bit). And I always liked Nate cos his favourite song to play live is I Believe In Symmetry (which is my favourite song of all time). Also, I saw the other side and it wasn't pretty.
This intro appears to be some David Icke bullshit about shapeshifting. Only ten tracks on this album! Bit tight. And I've heard two of em. Best hurry along, now.
Early disclaimer: first impressions mean nothing, especially with Bright Eyes songs. These opinions could be null and void very shortly. Oh Coyote Song isn't on it. I like that song, but it's good to have more newies. The Coyote Song video was really lovely, though.
The first song is called Firewall. I'm not sure about it yet. I like the drum machine, but it's a bit slow and doesn't go anywhere. Still, no country guitars? Check. The lyrics are Four Winds-ey.
Second is Shell Games, which was the first freebie off the album. I like it, it's a bit poppy/ 80s and reminds me of The Killers. 'I'm still angry with no reason to be...' is a fab line. It's like an album track off Digital Ash (which, incidentally, my favourite Bright Eyes album of all time).
Jejune Stars reminded me of Cursive at first, and then Rilo Kiley's Portion for Foxes in the middle. I like it, the cheesy keyboard the mentions of 'karma' and the 'staircase of misinformation' (sounds like a task on Big Brother). It almost sounds like it's going to rock out, but never quite does. Still, echoes of better songs like ...Symmetry.
Approximate Sunlight reminds me of You Were Good in Your Time by Morrissey. It's even got a creepy sample in it. It's also got a feeling of Rabbit Hole off Digital Ash. I like it when he sings in that lazy kind of style, but I also want him to go full throttle and out of tune. Will he? Will he? Will he? He probably won't.
I've already heard Haile Selassie but only last week. I like it, I like the fact his voice sounds a bit grating on it, and it's quite catchy. What is he talking about? I haven't got a clue. I like the 'I've seen stranger things happen' line.
A Machine Spiritual: The echo effect on his voice is good. The tune sounds a bit Mexican. The lyrics are dreamy nonsense. This album feels like a mishmash of Cassadaga and Digital Ash.
Tripal Spiral is like a rockier Light Pollution. The subject matter reminds me of an Emmy the Great song (The City). I like all the noise going on. What is a Tripal Spiral? Fuck knows. I think Conor's been smoking something.
Beginner's Mind also sounds like someone's going crazy on a Major Morgan. I think this one could be a big grower, it's got a bit of an anthemic feel to it. I enjoyed the 'starting over' bit.
Ladder Song just got to me a bit. It's a little bit of Lime Tree mixed with Breezy, very stripped down. I like it when he goes back to basics as well.
One for you, One for me has a nice drum machine on it (Easy, Lucky Free!) Sorry, it's not my fault everything reminds me of everything else. The good thing is, they are reminding me of songs I love! The way he says 'me'- he sounds nearly English.
Ooh, the 'You and me, that's an awful lie, It's I and I' line is a killer. Straight out of the Morrissey handbook, good work, Oberst.
More babbling nonsense over the end, but I don't mind because it's Bright Eyes and they're back! It feels like home. It feels wonderful.
Ooh, I snaffled up two bonus tracks from somewhere, so let's have a listen. Singularity is OK, I like the vocal effects but it's a bit ploddy. In fact it's the first one I've even thought about skipping. So I guess it's OK it's not on the album! And finally there's In The Real World, which has some pretty dull lyrics. It reminds me of Theme to Pinata- which reminds me of Big Brother USA, but that's another story.
Yeah so the bonus tracks weren't all that, but hey ho. This album has almost expelled the memory of the dire Mystic Valley band. ALMOST. I love you, Conor. I'll always stay true to you. I think I've proved that- and believe me, you made it VERY hard at times, both hairstyle-wise and musically.
Really glad you're back. See you on Valentines Day.
Anyway; it's not Conor's fault I'm a technophobe, so let's get stuck in.
Oh by the way, the cover. It is a bit cheapo, but when you've suffered through the last two font types on Moz's front covers anything seems acceptable. I wouldn't even use some of those on a poster for a mental home jumble sale. Anyway.
Ah... annoying intro! Check! It warms the heart. I've missed you, Bright Eyes. I've missed you, Conor. I've even missed Mike Mogis (a bit). And I always liked Nate cos his favourite song to play live is I Believe In Symmetry (which is my favourite song of all time). Also, I saw the other side and it wasn't pretty.
This intro appears to be some David Icke bullshit about shapeshifting. Only ten tracks on this album! Bit tight. And I've heard two of em. Best hurry along, now.
Early disclaimer: first impressions mean nothing, especially with Bright Eyes songs. These opinions could be null and void very shortly. Oh Coyote Song isn't on it. I like that song, but it's good to have more newies. The Coyote Song video was really lovely, though.
The first song is called Firewall. I'm not sure about it yet. I like the drum machine, but it's a bit slow and doesn't go anywhere. Still, no country guitars? Check. The lyrics are Four Winds-ey.
Second is Shell Games, which was the first freebie off the album. I like it, it's a bit poppy/ 80s and reminds me of The Killers. 'I'm still angry with no reason to be...' is a fab line. It's like an album track off Digital Ash (which, incidentally, my favourite Bright Eyes album of all time).
Jejune Stars reminded me of Cursive at first, and then Rilo Kiley's Portion for Foxes in the middle. I like it, the cheesy keyboard the mentions of 'karma' and the 'staircase of misinformation' (sounds like a task on Big Brother). It almost sounds like it's going to rock out, but never quite does. Still, echoes of better songs like ...Symmetry.
Approximate Sunlight reminds me of You Were Good in Your Time by Morrissey. It's even got a creepy sample in it. It's also got a feeling of Rabbit Hole off Digital Ash. I like it when he sings in that lazy kind of style, but I also want him to go full throttle and out of tune. Will he? Will he? Will he? He probably won't.
I've already heard Haile Selassie but only last week. I like it, I like the fact his voice sounds a bit grating on it, and it's quite catchy. What is he talking about? I haven't got a clue. I like the 'I've seen stranger things happen' line.
A Machine Spiritual: The echo effect on his voice is good. The tune sounds a bit Mexican. The lyrics are dreamy nonsense. This album feels like a mishmash of Cassadaga and Digital Ash.
Tripal Spiral is like a rockier Light Pollution. The subject matter reminds me of an Emmy the Great song (The City). I like all the noise going on. What is a Tripal Spiral? Fuck knows. I think Conor's been smoking something.
Beginner's Mind also sounds like someone's going crazy on a Major Morgan. I think this one could be a big grower, it's got a bit of an anthemic feel to it. I enjoyed the 'starting over' bit.
Ladder Song just got to me a bit. It's a little bit of Lime Tree mixed with Breezy, very stripped down. I like it when he goes back to basics as well.
One for you, One for me has a nice drum machine on it (Easy, Lucky Free!) Sorry, it's not my fault everything reminds me of everything else. The good thing is, they are reminding me of songs I love! The way he says 'me'- he sounds nearly English.
Ooh, the 'You and me, that's an awful lie, It's I and I' line is a killer. Straight out of the Morrissey handbook, good work, Oberst.
More babbling nonsense over the end, but I don't mind because it's Bright Eyes and they're back! It feels like home. It feels wonderful.
Ooh, I snaffled up two bonus tracks from somewhere, so let's have a listen. Singularity is OK, I like the vocal effects but it's a bit ploddy. In fact it's the first one I've even thought about skipping. So I guess it's OK it's not on the album! And finally there's In The Real World, which has some pretty dull lyrics. It reminds me of Theme to Pinata- which reminds me of Big Brother USA, but that's another story.
Yeah so the bonus tracks weren't all that, but hey ho. This album has almost expelled the memory of the dire Mystic Valley band. ALMOST. I love you, Conor. I'll always stay true to you. I think I've proved that- and believe me, you made it VERY hard at times, both hairstyle-wise and musically.
Really glad you're back. See you on Valentines Day.
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