Why do we do it to ourselves? I don't have the answer. It's just a habit at this point, I think.
I started watching this an hour late (so I can forwards through the slow bits) and already my boyfriend is seething. One year we watched it in a Yarmouth hotel after we went to see Morrissey. That was the night we turned into dust, but that's another story.
Who are these jokers hosting? Simon Pegg is obviously one on them. Not sure what was going on at the start there- and not sure I want to know. No Dana International? Folly. I didn't watch the semi-finals because if I had I wouldn't have made it this far.
Why can people start voting before we've heard a single song?! I don't believe the re-jig of the rules will save Blue. I want Jedward to win, anyway.
FINLAND: Jeff Brazier with a guitar singing a folk song about saving the planet. Boyfriend: 'he looks as bored as I am.' It's JUST STARTED. I've heard a lot worse.
BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA: I might have spelt that wrong, the writing is too small to see from here. Fuck, how to describe this? They're all done up like Rupert the Bear. Luckily boyfriend has gone toilet. Exceptionally tuneless.
DENMARK: Rocking the Jedward hair. Graham Norton says this one is good. I'll be the judge of that. I think the leather trousers are a bit excessive. They're more McFly than These lyrics are a bit Placeboish. But shit. That catwalk off the stage is cool. I bet Jedward will be making the most of that. Boyfriend just perked up.
Boyfriend: 'I used to like Blue but they're all animals now.' He's upset about the weeing on the cashpoint drama. Oh and Lee Ryan's general conduct. But how could anyone have 'used to like Blue'?
LITHUANIA: Dated, dated, dated. Fairy off a Christmas tree doing sign language. Dire.
HUNGARY: Light up jewellery? That sounds alright. Oh yes, blingy ring. She looks like an old drag queen. The tune is quite catchy but she's a bit out of tune.
IRELAND: Jedward! Thisis like all Louis Walsh's wet dreams come true (apologies for that image). Have you ever read an interview with Jedward? They're not all there, are they? I think they're autistic or something. Nice outfits! The brothers grime- lol. The song is quite good. I still love them. They've given me many giggles over the past year or two. Plus Jedward sound more in tune than Blue did when I saw them on OKTV. Just went to the kitchen and was singing Jedward's song. Catchy times!
SWEDEN: Some stellar opening lyrics there. He looks like a Manga kid and there's some blokes writhing in boxes. He will be popular, apparently. We'll see. It is quite catchy. Ooh he smashed some glass. Cool.
ESTONIA: Manic dolly woman in cardboard city. Boyfriend has named them 'the crab-eyed peas.'
GREECE: (C)rap. Sex, guns, fucking in the street. What a mess. Rap opera? There's a reason why that's not an actual genre. G(6)4. (That's a joke but you have to think about it).
RUSSIA: Flue! Nice hair. Their dancing is more out of time than Jedward. Don't put my mind in a dirty zone, you pervert. This is rubbish.
To be fair, though, this has been the best Eurovision I've seen in a few years. There's been less dirgy ones.
FRANCE: He has hair like a a 90s boyband member. My boyfriend just piped up 'Christian Fail.' I like his little soldier jacket. I could see him in a Bon Jovi video. This makes me want some ice-cream.
ITALY: A jazzy pastiche? Those aren't two words I want to hear together. Peter Barlow off the wagon on a piano. Italy, if this is what you come back with after 40 years, you need to fuck off for 50.
SWITZERLAND: dated old bint in sparkly dress singing cod reggae. If that's Graham Norton's idea of gorgeous it's no wonder he's gay.
UNITED KINGDOM: Blue, blue, blue, blue as they chant on Deal or No Deal. I've literally never been more excited to see Blue. Mugshots! Drops of pain hit the ground. Quite. My boyfriend was proper ROLFing at Lee Ryan's bits. It sounded like someone was letting the air out of him. I laughed ten times harder at Blue than Jedward. That can't be right. G-g-g-g-get back up again. I can't wait to see them get trounced (there's national pride for you).
MOLDOVA: Gnomes on a unicycle. Who could ask for more? A tune. Unavailable, apparently. Ugh it's like gnome ska. Horrendous. I liked the bit where he put a monocle in at the end. Nice touch.
GERMANY: Feral Cole. Oh no, it's more like Foss Stone. Pretty vacant.
ROMANIA: Sleazy. This is more like old skool rubbish Eurovision. Cheesy bloke on piano. Bad hair. Tartan. Saxaphones.
AUSTRIA: What's Graham saying about her hair, I like it. The song is gash, though.
AZERBAIJAN: Old style eurovision schlock. Male/female, white suits, wind machine.
I think Graham has been better this year too. He was on the wrong side of scathing previously, whereas he's been more cheeky and funny this year.
SLOVENIA: Power ballad! Thigh high boots. Over-the-top warbling. the standard is definitely dropping as the show goes on.
ICELAND: Is Jeff Brazier back again? Waistcoats. Fat people. Superhans is on the piano. Make it end.
SPAIN: too perky by far.
Please let Jedward beat Blue. Please let Jedward beat blue. Please let Jedward beat blue. I want to see Lee Ryan smash something. Hopefully Duncan.
UKRAINE: You may be wondering why my boyfriend has stopped moaning. It's because he's been off cooking dinner. Ooh, I like the sand art. And her little wings. Very Brandon Flowers. I like her outfit. All these gimmicks are detracting from a shitty song.
SERBIA: 60s tripe. She looks like a cross between Jade Goody and Duffy. Ok I'm getting fed up now. It took a while, though.
GEORGIA: An emo Jennifer Love Hewitt. That dress is vile.
That's it. So Jedward should get a few votes from the UK, right?
12 points to the UK from Bulgaria! Nice one. My national pride just came rushing back.
Aw Jedward aint doing do good. We're a respectable fifth so far. I haven't seen us do this well in years.
OK I just had my dinner and no one has given us any points for about 20 minutes. I'm glad the UK voted for Jedward. Jedward are in third! They've got almost double the Uk's points.
Some of these people reading the points are quite 'quirky'. that woman going 'what do you think?' and this Slovenia tool singing. Just give us the scores and fuck off.
Jesus, we're only halfway through the scores. Mental. I can't believe Azerbaijan are doing so well. They were fucking useless.
Ireland only gave us 6. Arseholes. Glad Jedward beat Blue. Can't wait to see Blue justifying that in interviews.
So Azerbaijan won. That was the worst song of the night. AND BT vision cut off my recording before the last vote. THANKS. Lucky the UK didn't win, hey. I would have missed the celebrations!
Back to bisexual, wife-shouting-at, I'm-a-Celebrity, wee-drenched-cash-points for Blue. And for Jedward? World domination! The night starts here.
Saturday, 14 May 2011
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
The Apprentice: Is that victory I taste? (no, it's arseholery)
Why am I watching this shit two days in a row? It's not Misfits or BBUSA. App task! Ooh, it's a futuristic Apprentice.
Loving the app jokes. What a bunch of tools. Orlando Bloom is team leader today. Edna for the girls. I reckon Edna's gonna kick arse. I wouldn't fuck with her- I saw the way she was eyeing Melody yesterday.
Some guy barking 'traffic light' as an idea for an app. Fab. OMG they're going with a regional slang app. WTF. Who would bother downloading it? They should do a devilishly addictive game.
I feel sorry for Suzie, even though she couldn't get her point out, she seems a lot more normal than everyone else.
The girls decided on an irritating noise app. They could just make an app of their voices. Done.
I hate Melody's 'I don't have a view on it'. Get off the fence, you robot! Aren't you a human being? Can't you empathise with someone?
So, the boy's app is basically racist, or like the Worms computer game with all the fun parts taken out of it.
Luckily for them, the girl's app is just as bad.
This guy with the glasses on is a humourless prick, yo.
LOL to Edna giving herself the presentation to do. There's your rope - go hang yourself.
Melody: 'it is what it is.' HOW PROFOUND. I've never heard anyone say that before! Amazing.
Ok, so the boys app is a bit better looking. But they are both terrible. And the boys presentation blows.
Why is it called 'slangatang'? I get the slang but not the tang.
The girl's app is actually embarrassing. I hope they're not charging for it.
Ha, they've been called out on being racist, now. Yet they're going on like that meeting went really well. It didn't.
Ha! Look at Edna working the Madonna mic. Check out the leather gloves. She's going down this week. DAHN!
The boys presentation was cheeky and good. And they employed bribes. Good move.
No ways, I can't believe the girls won with that shit app. I love all the boys readjusting their ties. One of them looked like he wanted to nut someone.
Nooooo! Don't boot out Orlando. Get rid of that dude who did the duff presentation.
Oh, maybe it is still the same cafe after all.
I like inventor dude. He's cute. I heart geeks. I like Bloom changing his mind about who to bring back in the boardroom. Good arguing by the guy who wrote the text there!
Don't bin Bloom!
I know about creating content for a global audience. Regional accents; notsomuch.
Leon is too nice to be a boss. I think they've pruned this boardroom part a bit, which is good. It used to drag on way too long.
I'm glad he fired that Alex guy, he wasn't interesting. Bloom rides again. Now, please don't tell me this shit is on tomorrow, too.
Loving the app jokes. What a bunch of tools. Orlando Bloom is team leader today. Edna for the girls. I reckon Edna's gonna kick arse. I wouldn't fuck with her- I saw the way she was eyeing Melody yesterday.
Some guy barking 'traffic light' as an idea for an app. Fab. OMG they're going with a regional slang app. WTF. Who would bother downloading it? They should do a devilishly addictive game.
I feel sorry for Suzie, even though she couldn't get her point out, she seems a lot more normal than everyone else.
The girls decided on an irritating noise app. They could just make an app of their voices. Done.
I hate Melody's 'I don't have a view on it'. Get off the fence, you robot! Aren't you a human being? Can't you empathise with someone?
So, the boy's app is basically racist, or like the Worms computer game with all the fun parts taken out of it.
Luckily for them, the girl's app is just as bad.
This guy with the glasses on is a humourless prick, yo.
LOL to Edna giving herself the presentation to do. There's your rope - go hang yourself.
Melody: 'it is what it is.' HOW PROFOUND. I've never heard anyone say that before! Amazing.
Ok, so the boys app is a bit better looking. But they are both terrible. And the boys presentation blows.
Why is it called 'slangatang'? I get the slang but not the tang.
The girl's app is actually embarrassing. I hope they're not charging for it.
Ha, they've been called out on being racist, now. Yet they're going on like that meeting went really well. It didn't.
Ha! Look at Edna working the Madonna mic. Check out the leather gloves. She's going down this week. DAHN!
The boys presentation was cheeky and good. And they employed bribes. Good move.
No ways, I can't believe the girls won with that shit app. I love all the boys readjusting their ties. One of them looked like he wanted to nut someone.
Nooooo! Don't boot out Orlando. Get rid of that dude who did the duff presentation.
Oh, maybe it is still the same cafe after all.
I like inventor dude. He's cute. I heart geeks. I like Bloom changing his mind about who to bring back in the boardroom. Good arguing by the guy who wrote the text there!
Don't bin Bloom!
I know about creating content for a global audience. Regional accents; notsomuch.
Leon is too nice to be a boss. I think they've pruned this boardroom part a bit, which is good. It used to drag on way too long.
I'm glad he fired that Alex guy, he wasn't interesting. Bloom rides again. Now, please don't tell me this shit is on tomorrow, too.
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
The Apprentice: (Not) America's next top Mogul
It cannot POSSIBLY be a year since this was on last. I was in this flat, so how can it be? Is he doing two a year like Tyra and her top models? Sugarlumps and Tyra should do a job swap one week, I'd pay to see Alan doing his smise.
That 'sky's the limit' quote would have probably worked better if it hadn't looked like she'd been reading it off a card. Also that quote doesn't make sense; 'the sky's the limit' is a good thing, only an insufferable upstart would criticise that expression.
Ugh here were go again, another procession of idiots. It just feels too samey every time. I like things that stay the same most of the time but not this. This needs sexing up.
Oh, something's changed, now they start up a business rather than get a job in the Atari factory. Yeah, I know it's not Atari. Ataris were good.
Oh Karren (her spelling mistake) has actually brushed her hair for once. Well done.
I like the inventor guy's expressive eyebrows. He aint gonna last five minutes. I actually agree that a limp handshake is unforgivable. You gotta fake it to make it!
So the task is they've got to set up their own business.
Team names. Galvinised. Platinum. They're way better than Venture, which they went for. That girl with the two-tone eyeshadow is going to be a pain in the arse, you can tell. The way she talks is grating. Ah, she's volunteered to be project manager. Madness. The boys called themselves Logic. Tragic is closer to the mark.
Orlando Bloom seems to be on the boy's team. No Pirates of the Caribbean five on the table? Surely that format hasn't outstayed it's welcome!
I like the suggestion 'let's make soup, they might not buy it again but at least they won't be sick.' Set the bar high!
At the fruit stall: 'Is that an orange?' 'I dunno.' Come on, even I'm not that thick.
Uh oh, the boys team leader is a complete div. 'Roll with the punches, go like the clappers... you're fired.'
I like Glenn standing up to the team leader doofus, Edward. Edward is going home. He's got cliches in place of a personality.
Not in the least bit surprised the girls won, especially with robobitch in charge.
Hold on, that aint the greasy spoon they normally go to. Boo.
Doofus is bringing Orlando back to the boardroom. Noooooo! No matter, doofus will be the one leaving.
Edward: 'not only am I the youngest in the group, I am also the shortest.' Eh?! What next, he didn't have a decent breakfast?! His mummy didn't cuddle him enough when he was a baby?
LOLZ Alan is still saying resooomay! Has no one told him yet? Come on, lackeys. Karren? I dare you.
And so. Two beautiful girls stand in front of me. But I only have one photograph in my hand. The person who's name I call will remain in the competition. The person who's name I don't call must go immediately back to their room, pack their belongings and go home.
Bye bye Edward. Roll with that punch, you ninny.
That 'sky's the limit' quote would have probably worked better if it hadn't looked like she'd been reading it off a card. Also that quote doesn't make sense; 'the sky's the limit' is a good thing, only an insufferable upstart would criticise that expression.
Ugh here were go again, another procession of idiots. It just feels too samey every time. I like things that stay the same most of the time but not this. This needs sexing up.
Oh, something's changed, now they start up a business rather than get a job in the Atari factory. Yeah, I know it's not Atari. Ataris were good.
Oh Karren (her spelling mistake) has actually brushed her hair for once. Well done.
I like the inventor guy's expressive eyebrows. He aint gonna last five minutes. I actually agree that a limp handshake is unforgivable. You gotta fake it to make it!
So the task is they've got to set up their own business.
Team names. Galvinised. Platinum. They're way better than Venture, which they went for. That girl with the two-tone eyeshadow is going to be a pain in the arse, you can tell. The way she talks is grating. Ah, she's volunteered to be project manager. Madness. The boys called themselves Logic. Tragic is closer to the mark.
Orlando Bloom seems to be on the boy's team. No Pirates of the Caribbean five on the table? Surely that format hasn't outstayed it's welcome!
I like the suggestion 'let's make soup, they might not buy it again but at least they won't be sick.' Set the bar high!
At the fruit stall: 'Is that an orange?' 'I dunno.' Come on, even I'm not that thick.
Uh oh, the boys team leader is a complete div. 'Roll with the punches, go like the clappers... you're fired.'
I like Glenn standing up to the team leader doofus, Edward. Edward is going home. He's got cliches in place of a personality.
Not in the least bit surprised the girls won, especially with robobitch in charge.
Hold on, that aint the greasy spoon they normally go to. Boo.
Doofus is bringing Orlando back to the boardroom. Noooooo! No matter, doofus will be the one leaving.
Edward: 'not only am I the youngest in the group, I am also the shortest.' Eh?! What next, he didn't have a decent breakfast?! His mummy didn't cuddle him enough when he was a baby?
LOLZ Alan is still saying resooomay! Has no one told him yet? Come on, lackeys. Karren? I dare you.
And so. Two beautiful girls stand in front of me. But I only have one photograph in my hand. The person who's name I call will remain in the competition. The person who's name I don't call must go immediately back to their room, pack their belongings and go home.
Bye bye Edward. Roll with that punch, you ninny.
Monday, 9 May 2011
There's something about Josie
Big Brother recap! John James and Josie have split up. He had his crab eyes on something skinnier. They're now rowing on Twitter. Hardly Romeo and Juliet, is it? I'm only surprised they didn't stay together longer for the money/ tv show.
Josie actually gets right on my nerves these days. Her whole shtick seems 100% contrived, just like that relationship was.
I hate it when people tell me something is 'every girl's dream'. It's not MY dream to have my hair and make up done and go in OK magazine with a misogynistic prick by my side, thanks very much.
Ugh, their flat is so grim. It looks like a council block. Overlooking the Thames? No thanks. I'd rather overlook a scrapyard.
Oh, John James. What a strange little man he is. Vain, yet incredibly insecure. Not a good combination.
Oh god, they had a 'love contract' to change three things about each other. No wonder their relationship went down the dumper. When you love someone you don't want to change things about them. You just love all of them. Their relationship makes the Kerry Katona/ Mark Croft union look like it had potential.
I hate Josie's 'I'm stupid' act, too, like that's something to be proud of. It isn't. Go read a book.
Wow, that was an exciting segment, with Josie picking a venue for a partyzzzzzzzzzzz. Uh, JJ! That cunt should do the right thing and disappear into obscurity just like Stuart and Dale (Stale!) and his ilk before him. Probably the dullest Big Brother contestant since Imogen Thomas.
I wonder why John doesn't like socialising with people (because he's a prick and will probably say somethign stupid).
The thing that strikes me most is what a sad, empty life they are living (all three of them). It just seems completely nothingy. Just clinging to the wreckage of z-list fame.
OMG that club where John James and JJ are DJing looks like HELL ON EARTH.
UGH get JJ off my screen! USELESS. The worst kind of Big Brother contestant, allegedly 'good looking' but devoid of personality. Channel 5, take note, we don't need any of these this series. At least John James was complex. No, really, he was!
Josie is braver than I modelling that fancy dress on TV.
LOL to John James saying how much Josie's present cost (£800). How very romantic (I mean, crass). I bet it still wasn't as much as those bloody decks.
It's so OBVIOUS that JJ HATES Josie and would never talk to anyone like her 'in real life' or in any other circumstances other than her letting him take the piss out of her by staying in their flat. I HATE HIM. HATE!
It's like John James is just playing at having a relationship. I think Josie would make a fun girlfriend for someone like her; sociable, carefree, boozy, outgoing. John James is not any of those things. Some blokes would find her really sexy, too. If they weren't gay, that is.
I actually thought she looked quite good in the white dress! Ugh, Sam Pepper. And Andrew! Remember him? No?
Josie looks like she's having such a good time at that party. I admire someone who throws themselves into a party to that extent, I'm too reserved to have that much fun.
I like the fact John James is just completely ignoring her obnoxious behaviour! It sucks when you're trying to enjoy yourself and you've got some miserable boyfriend on your back; I've been there.
LOL John in bed with JJ AGAIN. This is beginning to look like a habit. Fuck me, she looks worse for wear!
Is this show a series? How will they sustain interest once crab eyes goes back to Oz? The truth is, Josie's just not that interesting. Also, have you noticed how these reality people (Kerry, Jordan, Josie) never actually have any mates in their show? It's sad, really.
I'm STILL surprised he walked rather than be on TV. Because it was ALL about the fame for John James. Don't ever forget that.
Josie actually gets right on my nerves these days. Her whole shtick seems 100% contrived, just like that relationship was.
I hate it when people tell me something is 'every girl's dream'. It's not MY dream to have my hair and make up done and go in OK magazine with a misogynistic prick by my side, thanks very much.
Ugh, their flat is so grim. It looks like a council block. Overlooking the Thames? No thanks. I'd rather overlook a scrapyard.
Oh, John James. What a strange little man he is. Vain, yet incredibly insecure. Not a good combination.
Oh god, they had a 'love contract' to change three things about each other. No wonder their relationship went down the dumper. When you love someone you don't want to change things about them. You just love all of them. Their relationship makes the Kerry Katona/ Mark Croft union look like it had potential.
I hate Josie's 'I'm stupid' act, too, like that's something to be proud of. It isn't. Go read a book.
Wow, that was an exciting segment, with Josie picking a venue for a partyzzzzzzzzzzz. Uh, JJ! That cunt should do the right thing and disappear into obscurity just like Stuart and Dale (Stale!) and his ilk before him. Probably the dullest Big Brother contestant since Imogen Thomas.
I wonder why John doesn't like socialising with people (because he's a prick and will probably say somethign stupid).
The thing that strikes me most is what a sad, empty life they are living (all three of them). It just seems completely nothingy. Just clinging to the wreckage of z-list fame.
OMG that club where John James and JJ are DJing looks like HELL ON EARTH.
UGH get JJ off my screen! USELESS. The worst kind of Big Brother contestant, allegedly 'good looking' but devoid of personality. Channel 5, take note, we don't need any of these this series. At least John James was complex. No, really, he was!
Josie is braver than I modelling that fancy dress on TV.
LOL to John James saying how much Josie's present cost (£800). How very romantic (I mean, crass). I bet it still wasn't as much as those bloody decks.
It's so OBVIOUS that JJ HATES Josie and would never talk to anyone like her 'in real life' or in any other circumstances other than her letting him take the piss out of her by staying in their flat. I HATE HIM. HATE!
It's like John James is just playing at having a relationship. I think Josie would make a fun girlfriend for someone like her; sociable, carefree, boozy, outgoing. John James is not any of those things. Some blokes would find her really sexy, too. If they weren't gay, that is.
I actually thought she looked quite good in the white dress! Ugh, Sam Pepper. And Andrew! Remember him? No?
Josie looks like she's having such a good time at that party. I admire someone who throws themselves into a party to that extent, I'm too reserved to have that much fun.
I like the fact John James is just completely ignoring her obnoxious behaviour! It sucks when you're trying to enjoy yourself and you've got some miserable boyfriend on your back; I've been there.
LOL John in bed with JJ AGAIN. This is beginning to look like a habit. Fuck me, she looks worse for wear!
Is this show a series? How will they sustain interest once crab eyes goes back to Oz? The truth is, Josie's just not that interesting. Also, have you noticed how these reality people (Kerry, Jordan, Josie) never actually have any mates in their show? It's sad, really.
I'm STILL surprised he walked rather than be on TV. Because it was ALL about the fame for John James. Don't ever forget that.
Sunday, 8 May 2011
The Voice
American Idol is dead. The X Factor USA has eaten itself up in hype before it's even begun. The UK X Factor is a deserted ship. Bring on The Voice. With judges Ceelo Green (maybe I'm crazy?), Christiana 'candy floss hair' Aguelira, some country dude (Blake somebody) and Adam Levine (I forget what band he's in, but it's one of those shit ones like The Feeling.) How is it different from American Idol? Well, they sit in giant red thrones facing the opposite way so they just judge on 'the voice'. When they hear someone they like, they press a button and their chairs spin round so they can see the acts. I wish this worked the opposite way on Britain's Got Talent.
There's no preliminary audition stage so I'm not sure how these people got picked. But now the judges have to pick 8 each to be on their team. What happens after that? I haven't got a clue. I like it so far, though, it seems fresh compared to that knackers yard that Simon Cowell fucked off from. Oh and if more than one judge wants to pick a contestant, the contestants get to choose between the judges, which is quite amusing, and gives the power back to the contestants, which is a nice twist. It's got a feelgood factor about it; it seems a much more collaborative process.
There's a generic Fryan Seacrest type in charge (ever thought of having a woman host something? Thought not).
I like Ceelo Green for some reason, he's like something out of Austin Powers. Christina looks skinnier than of late, and I admire the lack of moisture in her hair, it looks like it could snap off or catch fire at any second. I actually quite like Christina when she's not singing and overdoing it like an old drag queen after too many sherries.
Oh no, sob story! That's one thing they could have done without stealing for this show. Sob stories are so over.
Oh, someone's doing Nirvana- edgy! *Kurt turns in grave/Courtney sues*
Adam and Christina are arguing! That's what I really miss on Idol now, it's so sickly sweet I can't stand it. It makes me long for a bit of Louis Walsh's BS. Can you imagine? It's good natured sparring though, I like it.
I liked the audition where they didn't show us what the contestant looked like but showed us his parents who were white and then the bloke was black with an enormous afro. Cheeky!
I'm interested to see where this show goes. Pretty good. Simon Cowell should be switching off his bathtime cartoons and taking notice.
There's no preliminary audition stage so I'm not sure how these people got picked. But now the judges have to pick 8 each to be on their team. What happens after that? I haven't got a clue. I like it so far, though, it seems fresh compared to that knackers yard that Simon Cowell fucked off from. Oh and if more than one judge wants to pick a contestant, the contestants get to choose between the judges, which is quite amusing, and gives the power back to the contestants, which is a nice twist. It's got a feelgood factor about it; it seems a much more collaborative process.
There's a generic Fryan Seacrest type in charge (ever thought of having a woman host something? Thought not).
I like Ceelo Green for some reason, he's like something out of Austin Powers. Christina looks skinnier than of late, and I admire the lack of moisture in her hair, it looks like it could snap off or catch fire at any second. I actually quite like Christina when she's not singing and overdoing it like an old drag queen after too many sherries.
Oh no, sob story! That's one thing they could have done without stealing for this show. Sob stories are so over.
Oh, someone's doing Nirvana- edgy! *Kurt turns in grave/Courtney sues*
Adam and Christina are arguing! That's what I really miss on Idol now, it's so sickly sweet I can't stand it. It makes me long for a bit of Louis Walsh's BS. Can you imagine? It's good natured sparring though, I like it.
I liked the audition where they didn't show us what the contestant looked like but showed us his parents who were white and then the bloke was black with an enormous afro. Cheeky!
I'm interested to see where this show goes. Pretty good. Simon Cowell should be switching off his bathtime cartoons and taking notice.
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
The Killing
I just finished watching The Killing and I have to say I was very impressed. I found it hard to concentrate on the subtitles at first without endless tweeting and fannying around as I normally do when I watch something, but it grips you quite quickly (I'd say 2 episodes in). NB. I'll try not to spoilerise for those who haven't seen it but I might mention a few minor details so if you want to be safe, you might not want to read (I wouldn't, because I'm really anal about not reading reviews until I've seen something). But don't worry, I wont tell you whodunnit.
I'm trying to work out what makes this show so watchable, and what's good about it, but it's hard to explain. I wouldn't watch an ITV drama about a murder investigation, so why this? Well, initially because of the hype, of course. But just what is so gripping about it?
I think the format is partly responsible; 20 days to solve a murder investigation gives you enough time to get into it and really look forward to the next episode.
The main draw, I suppose, is the lead character DCI Sara Lund, who's one hairstyle is a ratty ponytail, and two outfits that consist of a white jumper your nan would knit you for Christmas with black stitching, and then the exact same jumper in black with white stitching. At one point she rips the jumper; the next day she's still wearing the fucker. She never stopped to sew it up, I'll tell you that much. She doesn't even stop to sleep. The main story is that she gets so wrapped up in solving the murder of Nanna Birk Larsen (get ready to hear the words 'Nanna Birk Larsen' about 20 billion times) that she forgets she has a boyfriend, son, and pretty much everything else.
There are lots of good things about The Killing. I like the relationship with her 'partner' Mayer (actually her replacement, but she outstays her welcome). He's a brilliant character, scoffing Wotsits and chain smoking (indoors! Racy) pretty much the whole series. I like the fact Lund is so dismissive of his smoking and then about halfway through she asks for a toke on one of his fags, and after that she's just a full time smoker.
There are so many cool scenes in it; *spoiler*when she stops the plane was soooo fucking cool. You were just thinking 'so, she's really going back to Sweden?' then it's like 'nah!' I like the tension in the first few episodes when her boyfriend is just constantly ringing saying 'so you're coming today?' and she's 'yeah, I'll be there Saturday.' Yeah.
In fact the whole way the end of the episodes is set up is cool, it's shot really nicely and they play this tense music so you know shit's about to kick off. They always have a good cliffhanger, too.
The other key character is the unfortunately named Troels Hartmann, aka a blonde Martin Kemp, who is running for Mayor of Copenhagen and gets dragged into the murder case, although by the amount of fuss about the election you'd think he was running for President of the USA. So is he the only honest politician on the planet? His assistant (Claudia Winkleman) is certainly a bit shady.
My suspicions were raised when it looked like they solved the murder in episode 15 (with 5 episodes to go? Come on) and in an episode shortly after that something so shocking happens I could barely sleep that night. Is it far fetched? Completely! But it's totally compelling. Lund's spiral into complete obsession with cracking the case is brilliant, and brilliantly acted. I like it at one point when she gets into trouble and they take her badge off her. When her boss realises she was right, he doesn't say sorry, just gives her her badge back on the sly. It's little touches like that which keep it really clever and cool. Towards the end she's still trying to run the investigation from the back of a police car. You've got to admire her spirit.
OK, I haven't ruined too much, I hope. If you haven't seen it, watch it! And when you watch the last episode, at the end they have an advert for The Killing 2, which got me all excited! I'm going to be fluent in Danish at this rate.
I'm trying to work out what makes this show so watchable, and what's good about it, but it's hard to explain. I wouldn't watch an ITV drama about a murder investigation, so why this? Well, initially because of the hype, of course. But just what is so gripping about it?
I think the format is partly responsible; 20 days to solve a murder investigation gives you enough time to get into it and really look forward to the next episode.
The main draw, I suppose, is the lead character DCI Sara Lund, who's one hairstyle is a ratty ponytail, and two outfits that consist of a white jumper your nan would knit you for Christmas with black stitching, and then the exact same jumper in black with white stitching. At one point she rips the jumper; the next day she's still wearing the fucker. She never stopped to sew it up, I'll tell you that much. She doesn't even stop to sleep. The main story is that she gets so wrapped up in solving the murder of Nanna Birk Larsen (get ready to hear the words 'Nanna Birk Larsen' about 20 billion times) that she forgets she has a boyfriend, son, and pretty much everything else.
There are lots of good things about The Killing. I like the relationship with her 'partner' Mayer (actually her replacement, but she outstays her welcome). He's a brilliant character, scoffing Wotsits and chain smoking (indoors! Racy) pretty much the whole series. I like the fact Lund is so dismissive of his smoking and then about halfway through she asks for a toke on one of his fags, and after that she's just a full time smoker.
There are so many cool scenes in it; *spoiler*when she stops the plane was soooo fucking cool. You were just thinking 'so, she's really going back to Sweden?' then it's like 'nah!' I like the tension in the first few episodes when her boyfriend is just constantly ringing saying 'so you're coming today?' and she's 'yeah, I'll be there Saturday.' Yeah.
In fact the whole way the end of the episodes is set up is cool, it's shot really nicely and they play this tense music so you know shit's about to kick off. They always have a good cliffhanger, too.
The other key character is the unfortunately named Troels Hartmann, aka a blonde Martin Kemp, who is running for Mayor of Copenhagen and gets dragged into the murder case, although by the amount of fuss about the election you'd think he was running for President of the USA. So is he the only honest politician on the planet? His assistant (Claudia Winkleman) is certainly a bit shady.
My suspicions were raised when it looked like they solved the murder in episode 15 (with 5 episodes to go? Come on) and in an episode shortly after that something so shocking happens I could barely sleep that night. Is it far fetched? Completely! But it's totally compelling. Lund's spiral into complete obsession with cracking the case is brilliant, and brilliantly acted. I like it at one point when she gets into trouble and they take her badge off her. When her boss realises she was right, he doesn't say sorry, just gives her her badge back on the sly. It's little touches like that which keep it really clever and cool. Towards the end she's still trying to run the investigation from the back of a police car. You've got to admire her spirit.
OK, I haven't ruined too much, I hope. If you haven't seen it, watch it! And when you watch the last episode, at the end they have an advert for The Killing 2, which got me all excited! I'm going to be fluent in Danish at this rate.
Saturday, 16 April 2011
Piers Morgan's Life Stories: Russell Brand
I have been totally immersed in Russell Brand this year, from Booky Wook 2, to binging on all the old BBC6 and Radio 2 podcasts- I've been listening to about five or six a week so I'll virtually got Russell Brand narrating my thoughts at this point.
Yet- what's wrong with this picture? Mr Katy Perry doesn't speak like the Russell in my head ie. like himself anymore. America has chipped away at away at all his rough edges, all the little things that make him him. His films are poor. I have always thought he works better off the cuff, on Dancefloor Chart and Big Mouth and running wild on the radio. A script sucks the life out of him.
Anyway, it's still good to see his gummy old face, so let's see what he's got to say to old Piers.
WTF it was like he just walked onto Stars In Your Eyes at the start! Weirdness. I miss his beard! That's the first thing I'll blame the boring Perry for. His hair looks gross, too.
Oh hold up, he's talking in his normal accent! Rejoice. He seems weird and awkward! What's he wearing? It's like he's got his school uniform on.
Mr Gee! Do a poem. I've never actually seen his face before. That's weird.
SACHSGATE. Oh God, is there anything left to be said? Russell should just say 'it was a joke, get over it.' It doesn't deserve the seriousness that they're treating it with.
An advert for Arthur? A coincidence, surely! Ahem.
I liked hearing the stuff about his youth and relationship with his parents and reinventing himself when he went to college.
DANCEFLOOR CHART! Amaze. What great clips from that. I need the whole series of Dancefloor Chart on DVD NOW. I used to hate Russell at first when he was on that, and then just suddenly realised he was a genius. All my best celebrity relationships start with hate: Morrissey, Courtney, Russell. Dancefloor Chart is comedy in its purest form and makes me feel deeply nostalgic for those glory days of raving. It is so of its time, it makes me want to weep.
I'm not surprised he doesn't regret taking drugs, because they gave him some fantastic anecdotes, and shaped who he is. I like the revelation: 'I spose you don't have to take drugs every day.'
He IS vain, I don't care what he says! OMG I'd die to watch all those old Big Mouth's again- someone must have them! Stick 'em on a torrent! PLEASE.
Why is Helen Mirren so up his arse! She lurves him.
His answer to being faithful is not very reassuring, I don't think. If my boyfriend said that, I wouldn't be happy. I don't personally think Russell can be faithful and I do wonder what will happen him. But then, I'm not married to him. I also worry that she's the first great love of his life. There's a lot at stake there. Personally, I don't think she's interesting or intelligent enough for him. But he does seem happy.
I do think Russell is less funny now he's controversial. That's not to say I want him back on drugs or unhappy. But he has lost his edge.
Me and my boyfriend had a bet (which would have helped our evening along) that involved Russell Brand mentioning Morrissey in this interview. But he didn't. And frankly, it's ruined our evening. BOO.
Yet- what's wrong with this picture? Mr Katy Perry doesn't speak like the Russell in my head ie. like himself anymore. America has chipped away at away at all his rough edges, all the little things that make him him. His films are poor. I have always thought he works better off the cuff, on Dancefloor Chart and Big Mouth and running wild on the radio. A script sucks the life out of him.
Anyway, it's still good to see his gummy old face, so let's see what he's got to say to old Piers.
WTF it was like he just walked onto Stars In Your Eyes at the start! Weirdness. I miss his beard! That's the first thing I'll blame the boring Perry for. His hair looks gross, too.
Oh hold up, he's talking in his normal accent! Rejoice. He seems weird and awkward! What's he wearing? It's like he's got his school uniform on.
Mr Gee! Do a poem. I've never actually seen his face before. That's weird.
SACHSGATE. Oh God, is there anything left to be said? Russell should just say 'it was a joke, get over it.' It doesn't deserve the seriousness that they're treating it with.
An advert for Arthur? A coincidence, surely! Ahem.
I liked hearing the stuff about his youth and relationship with his parents and reinventing himself when he went to college.
DANCEFLOOR CHART! Amaze. What great clips from that. I need the whole series of Dancefloor Chart on DVD NOW. I used to hate Russell at first when he was on that, and then just suddenly realised he was a genius. All my best celebrity relationships start with hate: Morrissey, Courtney, Russell. Dancefloor Chart is comedy in its purest form and makes me feel deeply nostalgic for those glory days of raving. It is so of its time, it makes me want to weep.
I'm not surprised he doesn't regret taking drugs, because they gave him some fantastic anecdotes, and shaped who he is. I like the revelation: 'I spose you don't have to take drugs every day.'
He IS vain, I don't care what he says! OMG I'd die to watch all those old Big Mouth's again- someone must have them! Stick 'em on a torrent! PLEASE.
Why is Helen Mirren so up his arse! She lurves him.
His answer to being faithful is not very reassuring, I don't think. If my boyfriend said that, I wouldn't be happy. I don't personally think Russell can be faithful and I do wonder what will happen him. But then, I'm not married to him. I also worry that she's the first great love of his life. There's a lot at stake there. Personally, I don't think she's interesting or intelligent enough for him. But he does seem happy.
I do think Russell is less funny now he's controversial. That's not to say I want him back on drugs or unhappy. But he has lost his edge.
Me and my boyfriend had a bet (which would have helped our evening along) that involved Russell Brand mentioning Morrissey in this interview. But he didn't. And frankly, it's ruined our evening. BOO.
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