I have been totally immersed in Russell Brand this year, from Booky Wook 2, to binging on all the old BBC6 and Radio 2 podcasts- I've been listening to about five or six a week so I'll virtually got Russell Brand narrating my thoughts at this point.
Yet- what's wrong with this picture? Mr Katy Perry doesn't speak like the Russell in my head ie. like himself anymore. America has chipped away at away at all his rough edges, all the little things that make him him. His films are poor. I have always thought he works better off the cuff, on Dancefloor Chart and Big Mouth and running wild on the radio. A script sucks the life out of him.
Anyway, it's still good to see his gummy old face, so let's see what he's got to say to old Piers.
WTF it was like he just walked onto Stars In Your Eyes at the start! Weirdness. I miss his beard! That's the first thing I'll blame the boring Perry for. His hair looks gross, too.
Oh hold up, he's talking in his normal accent! Rejoice. He seems weird and awkward! What's he wearing? It's like he's got his school uniform on.
Mr Gee! Do a poem. I've never actually seen his face before. That's weird.
SACHSGATE. Oh God, is there anything left to be said? Russell should just say 'it was a joke, get over it.' It doesn't deserve the seriousness that they're treating it with.
An advert for Arthur? A coincidence, surely! Ahem.
I liked hearing the stuff about his youth and relationship with his parents and reinventing himself when he went to college.
DANCEFLOOR CHART! Amaze. What great clips from that. I need the whole series of Dancefloor Chart on DVD NOW. I used to hate Russell at first when he was on that, and then just suddenly realised he was a genius. All my best celebrity relationships start with hate: Morrissey, Courtney, Russell. Dancefloor Chart is comedy in its purest form and makes me feel deeply nostalgic for those glory days of raving. It is so of its time, it makes me want to weep.
I'm not surprised he doesn't regret taking drugs, because they gave him some fantastic anecdotes, and shaped who he is. I like the revelation: 'I spose you don't have to take drugs every day.'
He IS vain, I don't care what he says! OMG I'd die to watch all those old Big Mouth's again- someone must have them! Stick 'em on a torrent! PLEASE.
Why is Helen Mirren so up his arse! She lurves him.
His answer to being faithful is not very reassuring, I don't think. If my boyfriend said that, I wouldn't be happy. I don't personally think Russell can be faithful and I do wonder what will happen him. But then, I'm not married to him. I also worry that she's the first great love of his life. There's a lot at stake there. Personally, I don't think she's interesting or intelligent enough for him. But he does seem happy.
I do think Russell is less funny now he's controversial. That's not to say I want him back on drugs or unhappy. But he has lost his edge.
Me and my boyfriend had a bet (which would have helped our evening along) that involved Russell Brand mentioning Morrissey in this interview. But he didn't. And frankly, it's ruined our evening. BOO.
Showing posts with label Piers Morgan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Piers Morgan. Show all posts
Saturday, 16 April 2011
Sunday, 25 April 2010
Britian's Got Talent (and Morons)
Why is Britain's Got Talent so popular? It's useless! Ant and Dec are way past their sell by day, modelling the looks of Hitler and and an advert for hair restoration respectively. Angela Holden is insipid, cloying, dull. Piers Morgan is pompous, grating, dull. Even Simon looks like he's just faxing himself in. It's probably a lookalike up there.
And this is before we get to the 'contestants', an assortment of the mentally ill, people with sob stories, a small smattering of aminal cruelty, and the occasional cutesy person we're meant to care about because they can hold a note. It is actually almost unbearable to watch.
It's like being stuck in a lift with someone showing you a tedious party trick over and over for an hour, whilst you bash at the doors, begging for escape.
The human money box dude was mildly diverting but it was obviously just flim flam. We could get Piers to swallow a billiard ball, it might stop all the utter bilge coming out of his mouth.
I liked the dog in the pink headband playing the guitar. I think that dog is going home via the RSPCA kennels (or a deep river).
I hope Ant and Dec had to clean up that horse poo poo. What else? Gymnasts. Nervous opera guy. A baying mob. The viewing figures for this show tell a frightening story about the intelligence level in this country. Yes, I am calling you an idiot if you sit and enjoy this show. It's like sitting in McDonalds and enjoying watching a pair of grubby children squabbling over a happy meal toy. Cheap entertainment.
And this is before we get to the 'contestants', an assortment of the mentally ill, people with sob stories, a small smattering of aminal cruelty, and the occasional cutesy person we're meant to care about because they can hold a note. It is actually almost unbearable to watch.
It's like being stuck in a lift with someone showing you a tedious party trick over and over for an hour, whilst you bash at the doors, begging for escape.
The human money box dude was mildly diverting but it was obviously just flim flam. We could get Piers to swallow a billiard ball, it might stop all the utter bilge coming out of his mouth.
I liked the dog in the pink headband playing the guitar. I think that dog is going home via the RSPCA kennels (or a deep river).
I hope Ant and Dec had to clean up that horse poo poo. What else? Gymnasts. Nervous opera guy. A baying mob. The viewing figures for this show tell a frightening story about the intelligence level in this country. Yes, I am calling you an idiot if you sit and enjoy this show. It's like sitting in McDonalds and enjoying watching a pair of grubby children squabbling over a happy meal toy. Cheap entertainment.
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
Archives of Pain: The Dark Side of Fame with Piers Morgan- Jim Davidson
This is my new excuse for blogging ancient things, I'm dressing it up as a revival, something cool, retro, innit! Basically, there's fuck all on telly at the moment, so I'm just downloading random things of interest off the box. Even if you didn't see it, you know Jim Davidson, and you probably don't like him, so let's just get stuck in, shall we?
Probably one of the only people more loathsome than Piers himself, just the words 'Jim Davidson' are enough to anger me. Piers declared JD was once 'the funniest man on television'. Christ!
I covered the whole Hell's kitchen/ Brian hate at the time, but the 'a lot of shirtlifters have the same face' comment still causes a gut reaction of utter horror.
Jim Davidson saying 'what one does...' is a bit of a joke. Oh look, he's got glasses on, he's an intellectual... not.
The way he talks, you think he'd been brought up in the 1900s, like black people were a foreign species.
URGH! His wife-beating defence; 'I was with her for three months and she accused me of battering her, I was with my other wife for 30 years and there was not one allegation'. So fucking what? It only takes ONE time, one occasion, you only need to murder someone once to be a murderer. And notice the use of the wording; 'there was not one allegation', not 'I didn't do it.' He didn't say he didn't do it. Not that people can't change; but not people who duck and dive questions like that. He directly avoided answering the question. Guilty!
Just when you thought he couldn't be any more grossly offensive...
Piers: 'How do black people react to you?' Jim: 'which ones, British ones, or the ones over here giving out parking tickets? Just when we got to like black people they made them fucking traffic wardens.' Fucking hell. The hate is ingrained deeply in this man. It's not 'perception', Jim, you ARE full of hate.
Oh my God! Piers: 'Are you proud to be a sexist?' Jim: 'Yes I please guilty, I don't like them.' Them! Then he said, 'Jethro tells a great joke- why do doctors smack babies on the arse; to knock the cocks off the stupid ones.' And goes on to say he thinks there's a lot to be said for that joke. That joke makes no fucking sense, anatomically or otherwise. Do you hate your own daughter, you stupid cunt? And you're calling ME stupid? Fucking hell. I'd rather be dead than be as stupid as you.
Also, you're not BORN an alcoholic, as he suggested. But you ARE born gay, so why don't you leave gay people alone, you pig-faced prick?
Oh my god, he had an affair on his FOURTH wife, and has the audacity to say 'that was the man who ended their family life' about the journalist who told his kids about it. 'How do they sleep when they split up that family of mine?' Very easily I would have thought! IT'S YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU DID IT! Typical wife-beater, typical alcoholic, everyone to blame but himself. Absolutely disgusting, sickening, tragic. And not ALL men cheat, as he claims. Some men do. Some don't.
Oh christ; on the Brian Dowling thing, he has this to say: 'he might be gay, poof, shirtlifter, sausage jockey, whatever, it wasn't the fact he was gay, it was the fact he was an arsehole.' No he wasn't. He was one of the best loved Big Brother contestants of all time, a genuinely decent person and peculiarly, my boyfriend is still obsessed with him (and The Mint, I know, it's very sad).
Jim: 'It's not offensive to the gay people I know'; you don't know any fucking gay people, you cunt, because they wouldn't come within five hundred miles of you! 'It was only offensive because he wanted it to be offensive'- bullshit! I was seriously fucking offended. Friends were texting, upset about it at the time. It was DISGUSTING. Only 300 complaints? That's shocking in itself. The roof should have been blown off Offcom.
If Jim Davidson's son came home and said he was gay he said he'd say 'how can I help you?' Probably by dragging him off to the local evangelical Christians for some electric shock therapy, I would have thought.
Whoever that one was at the end who said 'he's like a masochist and enjoying it' is right. Davidson enjoys being hated. So let's indulge him.
Piers; you were too creepy towards him. But what's new. You are the media he was moaning about. You just sat there and took it. Dur. Go wank off over Britain's Got Talent instead, you puffy-faced gimpaloid.
Jim Davidson; another thing from the 80s to put in the dustbin.
Probably one of the only people more loathsome than Piers himself, just the words 'Jim Davidson' are enough to anger me. Piers declared JD was once 'the funniest man on television'. Christ!
I covered the whole Hell's kitchen/ Brian hate at the time, but the 'a lot of shirtlifters have the same face' comment still causes a gut reaction of utter horror.
Jim Davidson saying 'what one does...' is a bit of a joke. Oh look, he's got glasses on, he's an intellectual... not.
The way he talks, you think he'd been brought up in the 1900s, like black people were a foreign species.
URGH! His wife-beating defence; 'I was with her for three months and she accused me of battering her, I was with my other wife for 30 years and there was not one allegation'. So fucking what? It only takes ONE time, one occasion, you only need to murder someone once to be a murderer. And notice the use of the wording; 'there was not one allegation', not 'I didn't do it.' He didn't say he didn't do it. Not that people can't change; but not people who duck and dive questions like that. He directly avoided answering the question. Guilty!
Just when you thought he couldn't be any more grossly offensive...
Piers: 'How do black people react to you?' Jim: 'which ones, British ones, or the ones over here giving out parking tickets? Just when we got to like black people they made them fucking traffic wardens.' Fucking hell. The hate is ingrained deeply in this man. It's not 'perception', Jim, you ARE full of hate.
Oh my God! Piers: 'Are you proud to be a sexist?' Jim: 'Yes I please guilty, I don't like them.' Them! Then he said, 'Jethro tells a great joke- why do doctors smack babies on the arse; to knock the cocks off the stupid ones.' And goes on to say he thinks there's a lot to be said for that joke. That joke makes no fucking sense, anatomically or otherwise. Do you hate your own daughter, you stupid cunt? And you're calling ME stupid? Fucking hell. I'd rather be dead than be as stupid as you.
Also, you're not BORN an alcoholic, as he suggested. But you ARE born gay, so why don't you leave gay people alone, you pig-faced prick?
Oh my god, he had an affair on his FOURTH wife, and has the audacity to say 'that was the man who ended their family life' about the journalist who told his kids about it. 'How do they sleep when they split up that family of mine?' Very easily I would have thought! IT'S YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU DID IT! Typical wife-beater, typical alcoholic, everyone to blame but himself. Absolutely disgusting, sickening, tragic. And not ALL men cheat, as he claims. Some men do. Some don't.
Oh christ; on the Brian Dowling thing, he has this to say: 'he might be gay, poof, shirtlifter, sausage jockey, whatever, it wasn't the fact he was gay, it was the fact he was an arsehole.' No he wasn't. He was one of the best loved Big Brother contestants of all time, a genuinely decent person and peculiarly, my boyfriend is still obsessed with him (and The Mint, I know, it's very sad).
Jim: 'It's not offensive to the gay people I know'; you don't know any fucking gay people, you cunt, because they wouldn't come within five hundred miles of you! 'It was only offensive because he wanted it to be offensive'- bullshit! I was seriously fucking offended. Friends were texting, upset about it at the time. It was DISGUSTING. Only 300 complaints? That's shocking in itself. The roof should have been blown off Offcom.
If Jim Davidson's son came home and said he was gay he said he'd say 'how can I help you?' Probably by dragging him off to the local evangelical Christians for some electric shock therapy, I would have thought.
Whoever that one was at the end who said 'he's like a masochist and enjoying it' is right. Davidson enjoys being hated. So let's indulge him.
Piers; you were too creepy towards him. But what's new. You are the media he was moaning about. You just sat there and took it. Dur. Go wank off over Britain's Got Talent instead, you puffy-faced gimpaloid.
Jim Davidson; another thing from the 80s to put in the dustbin.
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Piers Morgan's Life Stories: Ulrika Jonsson
Was interested to watch this after Ulrika's peculiar Big Brother win; just what was so good about her? Whilst I defended her through John Leslie-gate (mainly due the the fact I liked her in Shooting Stars) she did seem quite hard to like during the three weeks in Big Brother's care.
That 4x4 joke is pretty gross; and would never be applied to men. Ulirka does herself a disservice by laughing at it. It's not against the law to have those children or to sleep with different men, or even to have affairs. She shouldn't have to justify her sex life or offspring to anyone.
Piers said Ulrika will always be defined by her 'men'; but at least she does chop and change, she's not like a Leslie Ash figure stuck in a destructive marriage. She didn't stick with Collymore; did she, thank god.
It was a bit sad when she was talking about her childhood and her mum leaving; my mum also left me in the charge of a lacklustre parent.
Interesting about the rape; that she ended up in hospital afterwards (sadly, some people need to see the bruises to even believe it is rape). People will always hate her for never saying if it was John Leslie (although her silence when he was named says everything, of course). She's still sticking to that party line; I suspect seeing what happened to him (the other women coming forward) gave her some sort of vindication.
Stan Collymore: Piers, kicking a woman in the head does not make you a 'complicated man', it makes you a thug. Proposed after two weeks? Red flag! I think they must have cut out some of the more interesting parts of that conversation, as the subject moved onto Sven. Shame; she could have said something useful about leaving a bad relationship like that.
Her gloating on Sven/Nancy was a bit gross; he's hardly a catch, is he? Most of the details of her relationships were heavily glossed over or seriously edited out.
Big Brother not even mentioned! What the fuck. She is a cold fish; but there is something brave about her. Still; that doesn't make her entertaining. Just intriguing.
That 4x4 joke is pretty gross; and would never be applied to men. Ulirka does herself a disservice by laughing at it. It's not against the law to have those children or to sleep with different men, or even to have affairs. She shouldn't have to justify her sex life or offspring to anyone.
Piers said Ulrika will always be defined by her 'men'; but at least she does chop and change, she's not like a Leslie Ash figure stuck in a destructive marriage. She didn't stick with Collymore; did she, thank god.
It was a bit sad when she was talking about her childhood and her mum leaving; my mum also left me in the charge of a lacklustre parent.
Interesting about the rape; that she ended up in hospital afterwards (sadly, some people need to see the bruises to even believe it is rape). People will always hate her for never saying if it was John Leslie (although her silence when he was named says everything, of course). She's still sticking to that party line; I suspect seeing what happened to him (the other women coming forward) gave her some sort of vindication.
Stan Collymore: Piers, kicking a woman in the head does not make you a 'complicated man', it makes you a thug. Proposed after two weeks? Red flag! I think they must have cut out some of the more interesting parts of that conversation, as the subject moved onto Sven. Shame; she could have said something useful about leaving a bad relationship like that.
Her gloating on Sven/Nancy was a bit gross; he's hardly a catch, is he? Most of the details of her relationships were heavily glossed over or seriously edited out.
Big Brother not even mentioned! What the fuck. She is a cold fish; but there is something brave about her. Still; that doesn't make her entertaining. Just intriguing.
Saturday, 12 April 2008
Britains Got Talent: Horrifically Entertaining
What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? What is wrong with Amanda Holden's face? Oh yeah, the dog and the contortionist were good.
Saturday, 16 June 2007
In the Audience: Britain's Got Talent
We went to see the live showing of Britain's Got talent last night- basically I applied for a bunch of tickets for things on Applause Store and got tickets to this, the T4 Wireless Festival show and the good old Album Chart Show. Unfortnately we didn't make it to the Wireless thing because my throat hurt too much today.
But anyway. I have been watching this show a bit and have found it pretty awful for the most part; I hate ventriloquists (I can't even say the word), magicians (except Derren, of course- I'm reading his hilarious book at the moment, he's a genius) and especially little kids. Here you have little kids dancing, telling jokes, and generally being precocious. Not good. But I wanted to see what Simon Cowell looked like in the flesh.
It was filmed in Wembley right near where I used to work (and the setting for my novel actually) so it felt a bit weird to be back there. We queued for about an hour and a half, but we could sit down so it wasn't too bad. The queue was FULL of chavs, it looked like a night down Cinderellas, with the men all preened in their ridiculous cardigans and gelled hair and the girls with streaky highlights and stuffed into leggings (oh shit, that was me actually).
It looked like we might not get in but in the end we did, and got seats RIGHT BEHIND the judges, about three rows back. Not good for me, as I have no desire to be on TV. luckily they filmed it from the sides so you couldn't see us. We were sat right by Simon's brother and girlfriend (very skinny).
It was funny seeing Simon Cowell in the flesh, but he seemed just the same as usual, and was smoking in the breaks. Amanda whatsherface (I've genuinely forgotten) had a nice dress on, and as we could only see the back of her head I wasn't too offended by her ridiculously over-botoxed forehead. Piers Morgan didn't say much. Ant and Dec were just as expected, quite little. There was a comedian 'fluffer' guy on in between who was quite outrageous and was getting the crowd to diss the judges, which was amusing.
The actual show is a lot better when you are actually there. I like the kind of acrobatic stuff that I can't do, and the kid dancers were actually dead cute. I hated the little kid comedian. Brat. The baton twirler guy should definitely have gone through, Simon completely misread the crowd. Boooo!
All in all, a good night out, and I enjoy seeing behind the scenes and how these things work. As it was a live show there wasn't a lot of waiting around either. I hate variety entertainment still, but the acts are on for such a short time it's bearable. The sausage and chips on the way home were marvellous, too.
But anyway. I have been watching this show a bit and have found it pretty awful for the most part; I hate ventriloquists (I can't even say the word), magicians (except Derren, of course- I'm reading his hilarious book at the moment, he's a genius) and especially little kids. Here you have little kids dancing, telling jokes, and generally being precocious. Not good. But I wanted to see what Simon Cowell looked like in the flesh.
It was filmed in Wembley right near where I used to work (and the setting for my novel actually) so it felt a bit weird to be back there. We queued for about an hour and a half, but we could sit down so it wasn't too bad. The queue was FULL of chavs, it looked like a night down Cinderellas, with the men all preened in their ridiculous cardigans and gelled hair and the girls with streaky highlights and stuffed into leggings (oh shit, that was me actually).
It looked like we might not get in but in the end we did, and got seats RIGHT BEHIND the judges, about three rows back. Not good for me, as I have no desire to be on TV. luckily they filmed it from the sides so you couldn't see us. We were sat right by Simon's brother and girlfriend (very skinny).
It was funny seeing Simon Cowell in the flesh, but he seemed just the same as usual, and was smoking in the breaks. Amanda whatsherface (I've genuinely forgotten) had a nice dress on, and as we could only see the back of her head I wasn't too offended by her ridiculously over-botoxed forehead. Piers Morgan didn't say much. Ant and Dec were just as expected, quite little. There was a comedian 'fluffer' guy on in between who was quite outrageous and was getting the crowd to diss the judges, which was amusing.
The actual show is a lot better when you are actually there. I like the kind of acrobatic stuff that I can't do, and the kid dancers were actually dead cute. I hated the little kid comedian. Brat. The baton twirler guy should definitely have gone through, Simon completely misread the crowd. Boooo!
All in all, a good night out, and I enjoy seeing behind the scenes and how these things work. As it was a live show there wasn't a lot of waiting around either. I hate variety entertainment still, but the acts are on for such a short time it's bearable. The sausage and chips on the way home were marvellous, too.
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