I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here- Kilroy's Out

How my heard bled when Carly Zucker lamented that her house was too big to clean. Just get a cleaner. Quite simple really. And yes, there's no point beating yourself up for buying a handbag, it's all you're good for.
I've decided I really like Esther Rantzen (not words I envisaged myself writing). She has a nice gentle manner about her and I think she's quite brave. Her and George are the best.
I was surprised that old plastic face dude (david?) had such good general knowledge. Him and Timmy Mallet are creepy uncles from hell. Their relationship is build on two sad, seedy men bonded together by hate. Nice.
I can't believe Mickey is farting in front of people he's known for a week (AND on the telly). I've never farted in front of flatmates I've lived with for years. I would not be happy stuck in there with him; bad manners. He'd be a right slob of a boyfriend, I guarantee it.
Brian Paddick's hero-worshipping of the least interesting one from Blue (and that's pretty tough) is borderline worrying. His comment about black people was a little... patronising?
Where was Kilroy lately? He's got a really bad edit and then was first out. I find it hard to believe more people called to save Nicola Mcclean or Carly Zucker. Fair enough if it was a vote to evict. Boo. He would have provided more entertainment for sure.
In other news, The Killers album has, as predicted, grown on me. It is still pretty ridiculous, but it's a bit of fun to listen to as you go about your daily activities.

I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here Megamix

I'm still watching, but it's like a dirty addiction you don't want, and don't like, a meth habit for the mind. The main interesting thing is Timmy Mallet, who is absolutely baffling as a person. Even after winning the trial yesterday, he still managed to piss everyone off. He is fake, fake, fake and he would drive me nuts in there, because he's not letting us see him, with all his silly 80s nonsense; 'oo-er missus' and itsy-bitsy-ohgodIcan'twritethewholethingout. He's like a faded movie star clinging to his most famous role, except his most famous role was being usurped by a pink squidgy mallet. Timmy, you are destroying the 80s dream by being so unpleasant. Boo.
Now David is also peculiar person. His manipulating of Timmy to take him to the bridge (!) with his 'all friends together' shtick was effect yet very creepy. He is a desperate, immature man.
Nicola McClean is an awful person. Shallow, proud to be stupid, monotone voice. It's like Jordan all over again, but Jordan with less charisma (tricky, I know). Also, her boobs are absolutely grotesque and not anything any woman should aspire too. Boobs in place of a personality. Tragic. It really bugs me how people with implants are always like 'feel my boobs' too. Er... no thanks, I've got my own. Her performance tonight consisted of; 'It's not rocket science/ if you've got a problem, just say it' and head bobbing like Saskia of Big Brother past on steroids.
Mickey almost won me over when he said 'I'm not shouting, I'm just talking loudly.' but not quite.
Dani going to bed because someone else cooked was absolutely pathetic. Why do people get so territorial about that shit? Take turns, idiots! I can't stand endless conversations about foods on reality shows. It really is dull as fuck.
PS: talking of food, what the fuck are those king prawn SPOONS on the Iceland advert? I think the word 'yuck' needs to be reinvented for this occasion. Even Katona would turn her nose up.

I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here: Moron Watch

OK, the final go before I join the cult, or give up.
That page three girl is interminable; I can think of few things less sexy than women who won't let their partners see them without make up on; do you think she pauses mid romp (!) to put bronzer on or comb her hair (I bet she does!) Good looking people moaning about how ugly they are is only marginally less annoying than skinny people moaning they are fat. Yes, you are generically good looking, and thin. Now go read a book, dumbass.
Am I the only one to find Joe Swash's cheeky chappy schtick very, very annoying? He's like some 15-year-old you went to school with. Awful. Star Trek dude is growing on me. His accent is good.
I genuinely felt like NOTHING happened tonight. It all seemed completely pointless.
Urgh, I still can't decide whether to watch it or not. It's like choosing to have a cold, or a minor disfigurement. I could really be doing something more productive.
Now here's the really important question, how come my BT Vision box happily let me watched that dross, then BBC4 stopped working the second I went to watch Charlie Brooker? Seriously, fuck you, BT, and your cloying, sexist adverts. Even better; I just rescanned my channels and BBC4 has now disappeared. Lovely.
It better be up on the Iplayer the SECOND it finishes. Not happy!

I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here

You may have observed my blog has been a wee bit dead lately; it's cos I've been watching torrents of The Pick Up Artist and America's Next Top Model because nothing good has been on TV. And there's still nothing good on... so I'm watching this. As ever, it'll be 50/50 whether I get past the first episode.
So, the line-up. What comes after Z in the alphabet? When the star attraction is Robert Kilroy Silk (and he is for me, I couldn't give two fucks about Martina Navratilova, it's not like she's going to have it off in the jungle, and her sexuality is all people care about) you're in serious trouble. Will Kilroy do a Jim Davidson? I hope so. Who else? Mickey from Eastenders and his scouring pad hair. Someone I've never heard of's fiancee. The dull one out of Blue (quite a feat). A gay copper (since when were the filth celebrities?). A page 3 girl I've never heard of. Dani Behr, who I'd forgotten even existed, and I was quite happy with that (although she don't half look bad for her age). And finally, the third most famous person from Star Trek.
I can't tell you what happened for the middle 20 minutes, because my freeview box started doing an impression of a Spectrum having a spazz attack. It was very squarey, that I can tell you.
And we're back. Kilroy... 'there's gonna be problems with the women, they are quite opinionated.' and 'We're getting the wood, that's what guys do.' Uh-oh!
Joe Swash on gay people: 'it's not like you can't do things as good as a straight person.' Nice!
I can't be doing with all the bushtucker trials unless they are classics like Paul Burrell or Dean Gaffney. I want to see genuine fear. All in all, a pretty rubbish opening episode. But really, what did I expect?

In the Audience: Britain's Got Talent

We went to see the live showing of Britain's Got talent last night- basically I applied for a bunch of tickets for things on Applause Store and got tickets to this, the T4 Wireless Festival show and the good old Album Chart Show. Unfortnately we didn't make it to the Wireless thing because my throat hurt too much today.
But anyway. I have been watching this show a bit and have found it pretty awful for the most part; I hate ventriloquists (I can't even say the word), magicians (except Derren, of course- I'm reading his hilarious book at the moment, he's a genius) and especially little kids. Here you have little kids dancing, telling jokes, and generally being precocious. Not good. But I wanted to see what Simon Cowell looked like in the flesh.
It was filmed in Wembley right near where I used to work (and the setting for my novel actually) so it felt a bit weird to be back there. We queued for about an hour and a half, but we could sit down so it wasn't too bad. The queue was FULL of chavs, it looked like a night down Cinderellas, with the men all preened in their ridiculous cardigans and gelled hair and the girls with streaky highlights and stuffed into leggings (oh shit, that was me actually).
It looked like we might not get in but in the end we did, and got seats RIGHT BEHIND the judges, about three rows back. Not good for me, as I have no desire to be on TV. luckily they filmed it from the sides so you couldn't see us. We were sat right by Simon's brother and girlfriend (very skinny).
It was funny seeing Simon Cowell in the flesh, but he seemed just the same as usual, and was smoking in the breaks. Amanda whatsherface (I've genuinely forgotten) had a nice dress on, and as we could only see the back of her head I wasn't too offended by her ridiculously over-botoxed forehead. Piers Morgan didn't say much. Ant and Dec were just as expected, quite little. There was a comedian 'fluffer' guy on in between who was quite outrageous and was getting the crowd to diss the judges, which was amusing.
The actual show is a lot better when you are actually there. I like the kind of acrobatic stuff that I can't do, and the kid dancers were actually dead cute. I hated the little kid comedian. Brat. The baton twirler guy should definitely have gone through, Simon completely misread the crowd. Boooo!
All in all, a good night out, and I enjoy seeing behind the scenes and how these things work. As it was a live show there wasn't a lot of waiting around either. I hate variety entertainment still, but the acts are on for such a short time it's bearable. The sausage and chips on the way home were marvellous, too.